Transcendence
by TwilightMomofTwo
Summary: Edward realized in NM that he couldn't live without Bella. Forces previously unleashed are again threatening Bella's life. He must do everything he can to keep her safe - from the menace lurking in the shadows, and himself. This is Eclipse expanded. EPOV. On Hiatus.
1. Menace

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my previous story. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, understand what makes him tick.

This 1st Chapter is called "Menace". I can't seem to get my chapters short anymore. There is just so much to say! I chose the name for this chapter as an allusion to both the newborn(s) that are ravaging Seattle, and Jacob Black. In my opinion, Edward considers both of them a menace to Bella, though at first he views Jacob as the larger threat. The chapter contains a large portion of actual conversation/dialogue of the 1st Chapter in "Eclipse", but I tried to expand into explanations for Edward's actions and feelings, as I imagined them. I considered a lot of emotions as they are described by Bella, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! I also used other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing her books. **THANK YOU!!!**

Thank you for reading. The songs for this story are **Starlight** and **Map of the Problematique** by Muse.

**1. Menace**

Another afternoon.

For me, afternoons signified the longest hours of the day; the hours between school and seven p.m., at which time I was allowed, officially, to visit Bella at her home, always under her father's supervision. At exactly nine-thirty p.m., Charlie, gleefully, showed me the door. He only spoke to me when it was absolutely necessary, his thoughts about me even more sullen than usual during those times. Not that I blamed him for his bitter feelings towards me, so I was unfailingly polite, day after day. Of course, I still spent almost every night in Bella's room, and we sat next to each other in school every day. But I longed for her during those hours we were apart, and I anxiously counted the minutes until I would see her again.

I was driving through Forks, probably a little too fast, on my way to her house.

My official visiting hours had become more restricted after Jacob Black had turned traitor, and told Charlie about Bella's motorcycle. I still hadn't forgiven the dog for his betrayal of the girl I loved. After our first, and last, at least so far, confrontation in the woods behind Bella's house, Jacob and the rest of the pack had kept to their lands, and hadn't come anywhere near Bella. This was just fine with me, but his treachery had upset Bella, and she missed her former best friend. It pained me to see her hurting this way, and I was forever trying to think of new things with which to distract her. So far, nothing had helped much.

College was still a priority, and one that I enthusiastically encouraged Bella in pursuing. Most deadlines to submit student applications had passed, but there were still some of them open; and many colleges were also motivated to make exceptions. At least those, that any of us had previously, under various other names, graduated from, and which we still generously supported with yearly alumni donations. I hadn't mentioned this to Bella. Her aversion to any kind of gift from me was exacerbated when it came to the subject of money. I'd offered to pay for her college tuition, but she had adamantly refused. I'd considered roundabout ways – an unexpected, winning lottery ticket, for example – but I knew that, in all likelihood, Bella would see right through my scheming, and be very angry with me, so I had dropped that particular idea. At this time, we were waiting for acceptance letters from the University of Alaska Southeast in Juneau. I had received mine that morning, and I was curious to find out if Bella had gotten hers. Not that her acceptance was really in question – this was yet another college that still had an open deadline, and her excellent grades almost guaranteed Bella's acceptance. I was going to attempt convincing her to give Dartmouth a try next. She'd probably laugh at me, but I would try nonetheless.

There were other worries on my mind. Alice was keeping watch for Victoria's return, as well as the remote possibility of a Volturi visit. Neither had happened yet, and of the two, I considered Victoria the more urgent threat. It didn't seem in her nature to give up, and I could only imagine the schemes she would devise to get to Bella. But I trusted Alice – she would see if Victoria made any plans for another visit to Forks. And when that happened, I would stand in her way, and Victoria would die.

I wasn't as concerned about the Volturi, but the promise they had obtained from Alice in Italy weighed heavily on my mind. Bella fully intended to become one of us, and Alice had promised the same to the Volturi. I still was uncertain whether my decision to allow Bella's conversion was really in her best interest. I struggled most with my belief that by doing so, I would, in essence, allow her soul to be destroyed and she would be forever barred from heaven.

I'd been reluctantly questioning that belief lately, after Bella pointed out something I hadn't thought of. Subconsciously, it seemed, I did have hope that there would be a shot at heaven for me, after all. That, perhaps, I hadn't lost my soul. Bella certainly believed that, and my reactions when she found me in Volterra, gave her proof that I was, possibly, more optimistic than I'd originally thought. But there were other rules I had broken. The ones that humans believed in. No matter how I conducted myself now, I wasn't sure I would be forgiven for the sins I had committed.

I was also worried by my suspicion that Bella had not completely thought through her choice, and the sacrifices she'd have to make, the things she'd be giving up. There were human experiences she should be able to make, and human options she should have. There were experiences that I wouldn't be able to give her. Children, for example. Growing old. It always felt like Bella deserved so much better.

None of my family members had been given a choice in the matter of our own transformations from human to vampire, but we had made the best of the given situation, and adjusted, after time, to this half-life, some of us easier than the others.

Rosalie struggled the most – not because of our choice to abstain from the normal vampiric diet and only hunt animals instead – but because of the limitations this existence burdened us with. She had found true love with Emmett, but she knew there would always be just the two of them, and she resented that more than anything. Jasper was more of the opposite – he fought mostly against the temptation of human blood, and hadn't been denying himself as long as the rest of us. His early years as a vampire had also been quite different.

Carlisle had over the centuries perfected his self-control, and had made peace with this life long ago. His work at the hospital brought him a great deal of comfort. Esme's compassion for all people had helped her, after the wild newborn period, to control her thirst. Alice had woken up to this existence without any memories of her previous life, and only her visions of Carlisle and my family had prevented her from becoming a bloodthirsty savage. Emmett – well, Emmett wasn't usually bothered by anything. He took to his new life without complaint, and after the first few years, hadn't slipped up again.

As for myself, after a few years of rebellion, I had long gotten used to curbing my appetite and denying my thirst. Bella's arrival in Forks had made that _slightly_ more difficult; her scent had been the sweetest blood I'd ever smelled. My love for her had altered me, and given me the strength to resist. After the events leading up to our adventure in Italy, however, Bella's scent no longer engendered the fiery flash burns it previously had. When I thought I had lost her forever, my reactions changed completely – the thought of losing her, and feeling this unbearable, overpowering grief and anguish I had lived through, had nearly obliterated the temptation of her blood. It had been three very enlightening days.

And then, of course, there was the proximity of the wolves to worry about. Even though Jacob Black had kept his distance, the pack's existence was of concern. The treaty was still in effect, but with Bella's conversion on the horizon, a breach was coming, and we didn't know how the wolves would react. We'd probably have to leave for good, but no decision had been made. And Alice couldn't _see_ the wolves, and that made things more dangerous for us.

I didn't like to admit that my jealousy of Bella's friendship with Jacob Black exacerbated my aversion to the wolves in general, and Jacob in particular. The green-eyed monster reared its ugly head often, and while I was usually able to smother the less civilized thoughts, on occasion they broke through. My absolute disapproval of Bella making any excursions onto their land would be a point of great disagreement, and I didn't like the way it threatened to drive a wedge between us. Thankfully, under her current restrictions, she wasn't allowed to go visit Jacob anyway, so this conversation hadn't really come up. Yet.

I had stopped the car in front of her house, grabbing the new stack of college applications from the passenger seat, when I picked up the sounds from inside the house. I put the car in park, and was about to get out when I heard the muffled thoughts in Charlie's head. Bella and Charlie were in the kitchen, eating dinner, if the sound of silverware hitting plates was any indication. I didn't usually eavesdrop, but today Charlie's thoughts surprised me. He had lifted his restrictions, and Bella was no longer grounded. This was unexpected, but very much appreciated. I was getting excited about taking her to a movie, or dinner, or just playing the piano for her at my house. She'd been locked up inside for so long.

He was talking to her about finding balance, seeing her other friends, and reconnecting with Jacob. My jealousy flared up. I froze with my hand on the door handle, and listened intently.

"...particularly Jacob," Charlie was saying.

"Jacob might be... difficult," Bella replied. That was an understatement if I'd ever heard one. Difficult was not quite the word I would have used. Impossible, perhaps.

"The Blacks are practically family, Bella," Charlie said in a stern tone of voice. "And Jacob has been a very, _very_ good friend to you."

I supposed he was right. Not only had Jacob Black rescued Bella before she could drown, during her ill-advised cliff jumping stunt, he and his pack of wolves had also kept her safe from other, more menacing threats. Once from Laurent's hands, and many times while Victoria had been stalking her. During the months of our separation, while I'd been gone from her life, Bella had been in very grave danger. But Jacob Black's feelings for Bella transcended mere friendship. He thought himself in love with her, and intended to do what he could to prevent her from going through with her choice.

"I know that," Bella assured him.

Charlie was getting a little frustrated. "Don't you miss him at all?" I held my breath, waiting for her answer, carefully watching her face through his eyes. Bella looked down, and her face was drawn. She cleared her throat twice. "Yes, I do miss him," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I miss him a lot."

I had known that, of course, and I felt terrible that she was hurting so, but I couldn't allow her to go near the wolves unprotected. And the treaty prevented me from going with her. Certainly, our mutual hatred of each other was making any kind of relationship between them and us impossible. We couldn't be near each other. And their transformations from man to wolf were often involuntary, and it was highly dangerous if someone stood too close when they shifted shape. Bella seeing Jacob Black by herself was completely out of the question, her safety my number one concern. My jealousy of the dog didn't have anything to do with it, at least that's what I kept telling myself.

Charlie didn't understand her reluctance. "Then why is it difficult?"

Why, indeed.

"With Jacob, there is a... conflict," Bella explained. "A conflict about the friendship thing, I mean. Friendship doesn't always seem to be enough for Jake."

I was awed. Bella had an extraordinary ability to keep things as close to the truth as possible, without actually revealing the full story. She didn't like to lie, and this secrecy, though necessary, had to be very hard for her. The dog's bitter hatred for my family was actually aggravated by his feelings for Bella, and his knowledge of her intentions to become one of us.

"_I'd rather see her with Jake than that Cullen boy..._" Charlie's distaste for me was nothing new. I had earned it, leaving Bella like I had, and causing her so much heartache with my actions. My guilt smothered my anger at his words.

"Isn't Edward up for a little competition?" Charlie said, sarcastically.

Bella glared up at him. "There is no competition." Ah, how I loved this girl, and how happy it made me that, for some inexplicable reason, she loved me, too.

"You're hurting his feelings, avoiding him like this. He'd rather just be friends than nothing." Charlie kept trying. He and Billy had talked about this over the phone earlier today.

"I'm pretty sure Jake doesn't want to be friends at all," Bella retorted. "Where'd you get that idea, anyway?"

Charlie was feeling embarrassed and wished he hadn't brought this up. "The subject might have come up today with Billy..."

Bella's face was annoyed. Looking down, she angrily stabbed her fork into her food, and the sound of fork screeching over plate was not pleasant in my ears. "You and Billy gossip like old women."

I chuckled quietly at her analogy. Good one.

"Billy's worried about Jacob," Charlie continued, not appreciating the comparison Bella had just made. "Jake's having a hard time right now... he's depressed."

Bella winced, but kept her eyes down. I was getting annoyed with Charlie. She didn't need this kind of pressure. What she was doing was hard enough.

"And then you were always so happy after spending the day with Jake," Charlie sighed at the memory. Now I was the one wincing. Bella hadn't been happy, but I supposed, in comparison, it was a good description. Jacob Black had made her happi-_er_ during my long absence, when Bella thought I'd stopped loving her. When my leaving her had hurt her so badly, she had gone numb from the pain. Charlie remembered, and his memories were excruciatingly painful to me. I would never be able to make it up to Bella, but I would never stop trying.

"I'm happy _now_," Bella spit through her clenched teeth. Charlie thought contrast between her words and her tone of voice was hilarious and burst out laughing. After a moment, Bella joined him.

"Okay, okay," she said. "Balance."

Charlie still wouldn't give up. "And Jacob," he asserted.

"I'll try," Bella responded. Over my smoldering heap of ashes!

"Good. Find that balance, Bella."

Having gained her concession, Charlie was anxious to move on to another subject. "And, oh yeah, you've got some mail. It's by the stove." He'd already peeked and opened the letter. It was Bella's acceptance to Alaska Southeast, the one I'd been waiting for.

Charlie was impatient. Bella hadn't moved at his words, still looking like she was deep in thoughts. Again, I wished I could simply _hear_ her. Her facial expressions were often fairly easy to read, but I could never be certain.

Charlie got up from the table, and moved his plate to the sink, while tossing the big envelope at Bella. I heard it slide across the table, before it hit her with a thud.

"Er, thanks," she said. "That was quick. I guess I missed the deadline on that one, too."

Charlie chortled, knowing differently. Bella turned the envelope over, and glared at her father. "It's open."

He wasn't chagrined. "I was curious."

"I'm shocked, Sheriff," she teased him. "That's a federal crime."

"Oh, just read it," he retorted. He watched Bella pull the papers out of the envelope, but couldn't contain his excitement. "Congratulations, your first acceptance."

"Thanks, Dad."

"We should talk about tuition. I got some money saved up..." Charlie started, but Bella interrupted him almost immediately. "Hey, hey, none of that. I'm not touching your retirement, Dad."

Charlie was not stopping. "Some of these places are pretty pricey, Bells. I want to help. You don't have to go all the way to Alaska, because it's cheaper."

I grimaced. Alaska wasn't actually _cheaper_ than the local Community College. To Bella, the whole application process was all pretense anyway, since she wasn't really planning on attending college after the summer. I, on the other hand, was still hoping that she would delay her conversion, hoping that she would take me up on my offer of initiating her transformation myself - as long she was my wife by that time. There was nothing I wanted more than to marry this girl, and make her mine forever.

"I've got it covered," Bella assured Charlie. "Besides, there's lots of financial aid out there. It's easy to get loans." Always so selfless. I would gladly _give_ her the tuition money if she'd but let me. I got out of the car, walking up the sidewalk to her front door.

"_Wonder where _he _will be going. Hope it's on the opposite side of the country..._"

"So," Charlie began, but stopped himself. "_Don't wanna talk about him..._" He looked away.

"So, what?" Bella asked.

"Just wondering what Edward's plans were for next year."

"Oh." It was time to rescue Bella from further interrogation. I knocked on the door, at the same time that Charlie prompted Bella for an answer. "Well?"

I heard her chair moved across the linoleum in the kitchen as she got up to get the door. "Coming," she called out.

"Go away," Charlie grumbled under his breath. I didn't think Bella had heard it.

She opened the door, and there she was, her melted chocolate eyes smiling up at me. I breathed a sigh of pleasure as I took her hand in mine. The feeling of her skin on mine sent tingles up my spine. Her willing touch was like a miracle, every time.

"Hey," Bella murmured. I raised our interlaced fingers to stroke her cheek. "How was your afternoon?" I asked her.

"Slow," she replied. I knew exactly how she felt. "For me, as well."

I moved her hand up to my nose, and gently skimmed along the skin on her wrist, inhaling her scent. My eyes closed. With my throat no longer bursting into flames, I could appreciate the perfume of her blood much so more than before. Her unique fragrance was indescribable. There were no words to do it justice.

Charlie was stomping out of the kitchen towards the hall, wondering what was taking so long, and wanting to interrupt anything that might be – inappropriate.

My eyes flew open before he rounded the corner. "Good evening, Charlie." He just grunted in reply, and crossed his arms over his chest. "_Ugh – he's back._" It wasn't nothing more than I'd expected. I was used to it by now.

"I brought another set of applications," I smiled down at Bella, holding the stack of papers out to her. Bella groaned. My smile widened. I could guess by the expression on her face what she was thinking. "There are still a few open deadlines. And a few places willing to make exceptions." The skepticism on her face deepened. I laughed. She was adorable.

"Shall we?" I gently pulled her towards the kitchen. Bella was clearing off the table, whilst I organized today's set of applications, when something caught my eye. Was she reading that horrible book _again_? _Wuthering Heights_? I simply didn't see the allure this particular story held for her. It was dreadful. I raised an eyebrow, but before I could say anything, Charlie ambled into the kitchen and interrupted me.

"Speaking of college applications, Edward," he said, not looking at me, his tone sullen. He didn't like having to talk to me, and avoided it at all cost. "Bella and I were just talking about next year. Have you decided where you're going to school?"

"_'nother country'd be good._"

Wherever Bella was going, actually, but that was probably not what he wanted to hear, so I just smiled at him. "Not yet. I've received a few acceptance letters, but I'm still weighing my options."

"Where have you been accepted?" Charlie demanded.

"Syracuse... Harvard... Dartmouth... and I just got accepted to the University of Alaska Southeast today," I replied. I imperceptibly turned my face towards Bella and winked at her. Her eyes flashed with amusement, having picked up on the joke instantly. Charlie didn't catch it. His thoughts weren't completely coherent, as he fumbled through the awe he felt for the choices he thought I had. I suppressed a grin.

"Harvard? Dartmouth?" Charlie was slightly recovered. "Well that's pretty... that's something. Yeah, but the University of Alaska... you wouldn't really consider that when you could go to Ivy League. I mean, your father would want you to..." He still hadn't fully regrouped his thoughts.

"Carlisle's always fine with whatever I choose to do," I told him patiently. It wasn't actually a lie. Carlisle usually supported me in all my choices, knowing that I had weighed the pros and cons thoroughly before making my decision. Except for one time – when he had agreed to Bella's request, in opposition to my resolution to keep her human.

"Hmmph," Charlie grunted in response. He didn't like that answer at all.

"Guess what, Edward?" Bella piped up in a bright voice. She pointed her finger at the envelope on the counter. "I just got _my_ acceptance to the University of Alaska."

"Congratulations!" I grinned at her. "What a coincidence!"

"_They're pulling my leg! They're making fun of me!_" Charlie glared at both of us for a minute, but he had nothing to prove his suspicion. "Fine," he muttered. "I'm going to watch the game, Bella. Nine-thirty." That little phrase had been his parting comment every night for weeks. He was so used to his ritual by now that he'd forgotten that he had lifted Bella's restrictions.

She hadn't, though. "Er, Dad? Remember the very recent discussion about my freedom...?"

Charlie sighed in resignation. "Right. Okay, _ten_-thirty. You still have a curfew on school nights."

"Bella's no longer grounded?" I pretended to be surprised, though I'd been getting more excited by the minute about it. She'd been stuck in the house for so long. But I probably shouldn't have said anything because Charlie's teeth clenched at my question. "Conditionally. What's it to you?" I tried to appease him.

"It's just good to know," I replied. "Alice has been itching for a shopping partner, and I'm sure Bella would love to see some city lights." I threw her a smile.

"_Too dangerous_!" The thought was immediate, and Charlie's anger flared. "No," he growled. "I don't want you going to Seattle right now."

"Huh?" Bella was confused, but I could see Charlie's point. "I told you about that story in the paper – there's some kind of gang on a killing spree in Seattle and I want you to stay clear, okay?"

Bella was unconcerned, rolling her eyes. "Dad, there's a better chance that I get struck by lightning than that the one day I'm in Seattle-," Bella started, but I interrupted her. "No, that's fine, Charlie. I didn't mean Seattle. I was thinking Portland, actually. I wouldn't have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not." I grabbed the newspaper and started to skim over the report.

Charlie was mollified by my assurance, it seemed. "Fine," he grumbled, and went to the living room to watch the game. I heard the TV turn on.

"What-?" Bella started to ask, but I hadn't quite finished the article yet. "Hold on," I told her, while I gave her the first application. "I think you can recycle your essays for this one. Same questions." Her pen started to scratch over the pages.

I stared out the window, thinking. The murder situation in Seattle wasn't news to me or my family. We'd been keeping an eye on the problem over the last couple of weeks, but hadn't taken any steps. Alice couldn't see yet whether it would be a threat to us. There seemed to be only one at work at this time, so we'd kept our distance. As long as it wasn't getting worse, we'd stay out of it. I was feeling a little uneasy – if the situation escalated further, the Volturi would likely step in, and I didn't want them so close to us. They might decide to check if we had kept our word, and I wasn't ready for that, yet. I was still hoping for more time, and I didn't want Bella to make the irreversible change, because she felt threatened.

We'd also wondered who had created this menace, and then left it to its own devices. It was highly unusual, and it made me apprehensive. I couldn't quite put my finger on why I was feeling that way. Nobody was taking responsibility for this newborn, and that simply wasn't done. The threat of exposure was too high in these situations. There was only one ultimate rule - humans couldn't know that vampires existed.

Bella snorted, interrupting my musings.

I turned my eyes back towards her. "Bella?"

"Be serious, Edward. _Dartmouth_?"

I softly put the application she had pushed away back in front of her. "I think you'd like New Hampshire," I told her. "There's a full compliment of night courses for me, and the forests are very conveniently located for the avid hiker. Plentiful wildlife." I smiled at her.

Bella inhaled deeply. I knew she was worried about the tuition, and just so stubborn about letting me pay for it. "I'll let you pay me back, if that makes you happy," I assured her. "If you want, I can charge you interest."

She was having none of that. "Like I could even get in without some enormous bribe. Or is that part of the loan? The new Cullen wing of the library? Ugh. Why are we having this discussion again?"

"Will you just fill out the application, please, Bella? It won't hurt you to apply." She actually wasn't far off with her insinuation, though it wasn't going to be the Cullen wing of the library.

She set her jaw, angry now. "You know what? I don't think I will." She started to reach for the papers, but I was just a little faster. Before she could blink, they were already in my pocket.

"What are you doing?" Bella was not pleased, that much was clear from her face.

What I was doing, was sending her application to Dartmouth, whether she liked it or not. "I sign your name better than you do yourself. You've already written the essays."

"You're going overboard with this, you know," she had dropped her voice to a whisper. "I really don't need to apply anywhere else. I've been accepted in Alaska. I can almost afford the first semester tuition. It's as good an alibi as any. There's no need to throw away a bunch of money, no matter whose it is."

My face tightened in distress at her words. She was so eager to get to the point of transformation. As I often did, I wondered again if she had really thought her choice through. The things, the _options_ she'd be giving up, the human experiences she'd never get to make. The people she wouldn't be able to see anymore. I didn't think she had, and it pained me that she was so willing to give up her humanity. To give up her soul. If I was right in my belief that our souls were lost – destroyed in the searing pain of the change from human to vampire. I wanted her to have more time – time to truly think through the repercussions, and then make an informed choice.

Bella noticed my mood change. "Don't start," she said. "I agree that I need to go through the motions for Charlie's sake, but we both know that I won't be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near people." She was only thinking of the mechanics, as before. This seemed to confirm my worry that she hadn't really though it through. She needed more time.

"I thought the timing was still undecided," I quietly replied. "You might enjoy a semester or two of college. There are a lot of human experiences you've never had."

"I'll get to those afterwards."

I suppressed a sigh. She just didn't get it. "They won't be _human_ experiences afterward. You don't get a second chance at humanity, Bella."

"You've got to be reasonable about the timing, Edward. It's just too dangerous to mess around with."

Which was _exactly_ why I wanted her to wait. I did _not_ want her to go through with her decision, just because she was afraid, or felt she had no other option. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I'd let that happen.

"There's no danger yet," I insisted. She just glared at me, but was quiet. Her face changed from worry to distress to pain, and I was anxious again. I guessed that she was worried about the threat from Victoria and the Volturi. I tried to reassure her. "Bella," I murmured. "There's no hurry. I won't let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need."

Bella smiled, feebly. "I want to hurry," she whispered. "I want to be a monster, too."

Irritation bubbled to the surface, my face was hard. "You have no idea what you're saying," I hissed through my teeth, throwing the newspaper back onto the table. I roughly put my finger on the headline.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I realized she didn't know. She didn't know how to read between the lines.

"Monsters are not a joke, Bella."

She read the headline, and then looked up at me, understanding washing across her features. "A... a _vampire_ is doing this?", she asked, her voice incredulous.

My smile was hard, my voice cold. She needed to understand this truth, once and for all. "You'd be surprised, Bella, how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news. It's easy to recognize, when you know what to look for. The information here indicates that a newborn vampire is loose in Seattle. Bloodthirsty, wild, out of control. The way we all were."

Her eyes dropped back to the headline, she wouldn't look at me. I kept going. "We've been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs are there – the unlikely disappearances, always in the night, the poorly disposed-of corpses, the lack of other evidence... Yes, someone brand-new. And no one seems to be taking responsibility for the neophyte..." I took a deep breath, my irritation slowly fading. "Well, it's not our problem. We wouldn't even be paying attention to the situation if it wasn't going on so close to home. Like I said, this happens all the time. The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences."

Bella was quiet, still looking at the front page. "It won't be the same for me," she finally whispered. "You won't let me be like that. We'll live in Antarctica."

She was right, of course. Not much hunting variety in that particular location, but I would take her there if she asked me to. I snickered. "Penguins. Lovely."

She laughed at my flimsy attempt at a joke, but her voice was shaking. "Alaska, then, as planned. Only somewhere much more remote than Juneau – somewhere with grizzlies galore."

I went along. There were tons of hunting possibilities in the cold ice of that region. "Better," I told her, excitedly. "There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite large."

Bella's mouth fell open, her breath coming out in a rush. What? What was she thinking _now_?

"What's wrong?" I asked her, having absolutely no idea what had made her so upset. And then I realized what I'd said. My body went rigid. Wolves. Jacob Black. Of course, Bella wouldn't appreciate _that _particular kind of prey. I felt chagrined at my faux-pas, but intensely jealous at the same time, and it made my apology formal, stiff. "Oh. Never mind the wolves, then, if the idea is offensive to you."

"He was my best friend, Edward," she muttered. "Of course the idea offends me."

"Please forgive my thoughtlessness," I tried again, fighting the green-eyed monster in my head. "I shouldn't have suggested that."

"Don't worry about it," Bella replied, but she wouldn't meet my eyes. Her hands were clenched tightly. Seeing her distress won out over my jealousy, and my body relaxed. What I'd just done was inexcusable. I had, again, hurt this beautiful girl, who deserved so much better than the loathsome monster that I was. I put my finger under her chin, trying to get her to look at me, so I could apologize again. Properly this time. I gazed into her eyes. "Sorry. Really."

"I know," she replied. "I know it's not the same thing. I shouldn't have reacted that way. It's just that... well, I was already thinking about Jacob before you came over." Yes, I would've guessed that she had, her father having brought up the subject earlier. Bella must have seen the annoyance in my eyes, because her voice became imploring.

"Charlie says Jacob's having a hard time. He's hurting right now, and... it's my fault."

My response was immediate. "You've done nothing wrong, Bella." It was all _my_ fault. My fault that I'd so foolishly left her, my fault that she had become involved with a pack of wolves, and Jacob in particular. My fault that she felt she had to go _console_ the dog. The most appalling mistake I'd ever made. And I was paying the price for my inexcusable deed.

Bella took a deep breath. "I need to make it better, Edward. I owe him that. And it's one of Charlie's conditions anyway..."

My face went cold again. No. It was too dangerous. How many times did I have to tell her that?

"You know it's out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want us to start a war?"

"Of course not!"

"Then there's really no point in discussing the matter further." I needed a rapid subject change. My eyes fell on the book she'd cleared off the table earlier. I smiled.

"I'm glad Charlie has decided to let you out – you're sadly in need of a visit to the bookstore. I can't believe you're reading _Wuthering Heights_ again. Don't you know it by heart yet?"

"Not all of us have photographic memories," she replied, her voice brusque.

"Photographic memory or not, I don't understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly people who ruin each others' lives. I don't know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being ranked with couples like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. It isn't a love story, it's a hate story."

"You have some serious issues with the classics," she mocked me. Did it seem that way to her?

"Perhaps it's because I'm not impressed by antiquity." Pleased that I had distracted her, my smile grew wider. "Honestly, though, why _do _you read it over and over?" I had unintentionally succeeded in distracting myself, as well. My curiosity erupted. The impenetrable processes of Bella's silent mind were still perplexing to me, and I used any opportunity at a chance to unravel more of the mystery. Reaching for her face across the table, I gazed into her eyes. "What is it that appeals to you?"

"I'm not sure," she replied, leaning her face into my hand. "I think it's something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart – not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end..."

I hadn't thought of it that way, but that made sense. Inevitability. Hm. Falling in love with Bella had been inevitable. Her tentatively scheduled transformation also seemed inevitable, especially considering Alice's consistent visions of Bella, after the change.

"I still think it would be a better story if either of them had one redeeming quality," I teased her, but Bella had an answer for that, too.

"I think that may be the point," she contradicted me. "Their love _is_ their only redeeming quality."

That was a good point, actually, but it didn't make me appreciate the book's characters any more. "I hope you have better sense than that – to fall in love with someone so... malignant."

"It's a bit late for me to worry about who I will fall in love with," she reminded me pointedly. "But even without the warning, I seemed to have managed fairly well."

I softly laughed. "I'm glad _you_ think so." I still thought she could have done so much better.

"Well, I hope you're smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really the source of all the trouble, not Heathcliff."

I suppressed another laugh. Bella was the most selfless person I had ever met, so her worries were entirely unnecessary on that point. "I'll be on my guard," I assured her. She put her hand over mine, and stared at me, sighing.

"I have to see Jacob," Bella returned to our previous disagreement.

I closed my eyes, not wanting her to see the renewed pain and anger. "No."

"It's truly not dangerous at all," she continued, pleading with me. "I used to spend the whole day in La Push with the whole lot of them, and nothing ever happened."

Her voice had grown hesistant towards the end, and her heart had sped up. I recognized the lie for what it was. I nodded. "Werewolves are unstable. Sometimes, the people near them get hurt. Sometimes, they get killed."

And that was my, primary at least, reason to not allow any trips to see her friends. I waited for a reply, but her heart rate continued to accelerate. My smile was grim.

"You don't know them," she whispered finally.

"I know them better than you think, Bella. I was here the last time."

She hadn't known that. "The last time?"

I decided that I needed to explain this to her, as well. "We started crossing paths with the wolves about seventy years ago... We had just settled near Hoquiam. That was before Alice and Jasper were with us. We outnumbered them, but that wouldn't have stopped it from turning into a fight, if not for Carlisle. He managed to convince Ephraim Black that coexisting was possible, and eventually we made the truce."

I pondered this again for a moment. Her bad luck was absolutely incredible. "We thought the line had died out with Ephraim..." I glared at her, but only teasingly. "Your bad luck seems to get more potent every day. Do you realize your insatiable pull for all things deadly was strong enough to recover a pack of mutant canines from extinction? If we could bottle your luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands."

"But I didn't bring them back," Bella challenged me. "Don't you know?"

"Know what?" What did she mean? What else could have done that?

"My bad luck had nothing to do with it. The werewolves came back because the vampires did."

Surprise stunned me into silence. All I could do was stare at her, unmoving.

"Jacob told me that your family being here set things into motion."

I bridled at that accusation. "Is that what they think?"

"Edward, look at the facts. Seventy years ago, you came here, and the werewolves showed up. You come back now, and the werewolves show up again. Do you think that's a coincidence?"

I blinked, still in shock. "Carlisle will be interested in that theory."

"Theory," she scoffed.

I looked away, wondering if she was right. I couldn't argue with her logic. It was possible, I decided. Definitely possible. I would discuss this with Carlisle the first chance I got.

It didn't change my point, though. "Interesting, but not exactly relevant. The situation remains the same."

Bella got up and walked around the table to where I was sitting. I opened my arms invitingly, and she curled up in my lap. I reveled for a moment in the feeling of her warm body against mine. In our months apart, I had often imagined feeling the warmth of her skin. Her forgiveness had been unexpected and undeserved, and I was grateful that she had taken me back.

I hoped that, perhaps now, we could move on to a cheerier topic of conversation, but Bella wasn't finished.

"Please just listen for a moment. This is so much more important than just some whim to drop in on an old friend. Jacob is in _pain_." Bella's voice was rough. "I can't _not_ try to help him – I can't give up on him now, when he needs me. Just because he's not human all the time... Well, he was there for me when I was... not so human myself. You don't know what it was like..."

I'd become tensed again, my arms rigidly curved around her. The unbearable anguish and guilt at having hurt her so badly, so thoroughly, shot through me anew, and I almost couldn't breathe. My eyes closed, knowing full well that it was _I_ who had caused Bella so much pain, when I'd left her the previous fall, so foolishly, so inexcusably. "I'll never forgive myself for leaving you," I managed to choke out. "Not if I live a hundred thousand years." I knew how fortunate I was that Bella had forgiven me.

"You were just trying to do the right thing. And I'm sure it would have worked with anyone less mental than me. Besides, you're here now. That's the part that matters."

I was so irritated with myself at having necessitated the feelings she had for Jacob Black, that my jealousy of him broke through to the surface, and made me choose words I shouldn't have. "If I'd never left, you wouldn't feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a _dog_."

Bella flinched in my arms. I was instantly chagrined, and tried to soften the blow. I just couldn't allow her to see Jacob. "I don't know how to say this properly," I told her, my voice desolate, because I knew my words would hurt her. "It's going to sound cruel, I suppose. But I've come too close to losing you in the past. I know what it feels like to think I have." Those twenty-four hours had been the worst of my entire existence. The grief and utter anguish I'd felt when I thought Bella had died had been excruciating and unendurable. "I am _not_ going to tolerate anything dangerous."

"You have to trust me on this," Bella said. "I'll be fine."

But I couldn't. I couldn't deal with the worry and anxiety. I wouldn't. I wasn't safe. "Please, Bella."

"Please, what?"

"Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I'll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help."

"I'll work on it," she murmured.

My love for her overpowered the other emotions, and I tightened my arms around her, pressing her as close as possible to my chest. I rested my chin on top of her head. "Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?"

Bella kissed my neck, and it felt so marvelous. "I know how much I love _you_," she replied.

"You compare one small tree to the entire forest," I teased her.

"Impossible."

I kissed her hair, and sighed with the elation of being able to actually do so. I tried to finish up our little disagreement. "No werewolves."

Of course, that would have been too easy. "I'm not going along with that," she said immediately. "I have to see Jacob."

Was that right? "Then I'll have to stop you," I promised her.

"We'll see about that," she retorted. "He's still my friend."

There was no point in taking this argument any further. I had gotten a clear picture of Jacob's stance on the continuation of their friendship, and his lack of attempts to make any kind of contact, even avoiding Bella's calls, was indicative of the same. I thought that as long as I kept her from actually going to the reservation, I shouldn't have to worry too much. Bella might be extremely stubborn, but I was, after all, just a little stronger. I shouldn't have any problem preventing any excursions on her part.

I was wrong.


	2. Circumvention

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my previous story. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, understand what makes him tick.

This 2nd Chapter is called "Circumvention". It's lengthy, and I apologize. There is just so much to say! I chose the name for this chapter because in it, Edward tries to "circumvent" the future visit by Victoria, choosing to take Bella out of town. I imagined how he would go about accomplishing that, knowing Bella's stance on these things, and how he would feel having to go this route. I considered a lot of emotions as they are described by Bella, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! I also used other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing her books. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for reading.

**2. Circumvention**

Morning.

I was in my car, on my way to pick up Bella for school, having run home to change when she'd woken up. I was hoping that Charlie would let her ride with me, having just last night lifted the restrictions. Bella was officially no longer grounded.

Charlie was about to get into his patrol car when I arrived at her house. He didn't say anything when he saw me, but his thoughts were not pleasant. Bella was right behind him.

"Good morning, Charlie," I said, polite as usual. He just grunted in response, and drove off. Bella climbed into my car. I gazed into her eyes, and lifted my hand to gently stroke her cheek, having missed her for the one hour we'd been apart. She leaned towards me and rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. We both sighed. I started the car, and headed to school.

High school had never been stimulating for me, since there wasn't anything new the educators there could teach someone who held two advanced medical degrees, and had studied at some of the very finest universities in the country. I used to think of my time in high school as my personal purgatory – stuck in a never-ending nightmare, listening to the same drone of the teachers, over and over, day after day. Having to listen to teenage boys, whose minds consistently revolved around one thing only, and girls whose thoughts had become incoherent at the sight of my face. Occasionally, I would come across one or two who were a little more mature, but that just didn't happen very often. And even in those cases, I kept my distance, allowing the instinctive fear I inspired to prevent any interaction. I used my power of persuasion when it was helpful to me, but was careful to never let anyone touch me, or come too close. It was safer that way. For them, and for me.

All this had changed dramatically, when Bella entered my life. For one, I couldn't hear her mind. That had never happened before, and it had made me uneasy. Then, the exceptional fragrance of her blood had almost driven me into full delirium, and, especially after the accident, I had avoided Bella as much as possible. Until that one night, my first night in her room. When I had fallen deeply in love with her. From that day on, I'd been looking forward to the hours in school – hours I would be able to spend near her. I'd used any excuse to talk to her, find out more about her, and stooped to listening to the minds of others, just to see her face in their thoughts. And every new day, I had wanted to be closer, nearer to Bella than the day before.

I still felt that way.

Bella and I were walking towards the cafeteria, holding hands. Posters announcing the upcoming prom were up on the walls, and each day brought a new flier with some important announcement about gowns, yearbooks and whatever else excited the children in the weeks before graduation. It held no interest for me, since Bella had already extracted my promise that I wouldn't take her to prom again. Her clumsiness, though quite adorable in my eyes, was not conducive to ballroom dancing, and though last year's prom had been enjoyable for us both, she didn't want to go this year. She'd told me that she'd already made this human experience once, and that was enough. I hadn't even tried to sway her – there really was not much use once Bella had made up her mind. And this was not a subject I'd felt the need to argue about.

The seating arrangements during the lunch hour had also changed due to our relationship. Whereas before Bella, my siblings and I sat a table in a far corner, Alice and I now shared a lunch table with Bella and the rest of her human friends. Angela Weber, a very gentle girl, had especially warmed up to Alice, and they usually chatted animatedly during the break. Little Ben Cheney, whose relationship with Angela was still going strong, was also friendly. I was still amazed that he had let six inches of height difference bother him so much in the beginning. Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton and the others mostly ignored Alice and me, but occasionally the conversations would fan out to our end of the table. None of this really bothered me; I did all of it for Bella's sake only.

Today's topic of conversation were the graduation announcements. Angela had just asked Bella if she'd sent hers out yet.

"_I've _got_ to take her shopping. She's obviously in dire need of new clothes_." Alice had scrutinized Bella's outfit, but I liked what she was wearing today. The simple T-shirt with long sleeves curved around her body in a very tantalizing way, the deep-blue color – my favorite on her – enhancing her already beautiful face, and her jeans fit her to perfection, revealing just a tiny sliver of bare skin on the small of her back, when Bella sat down. Seeing it made my breath hitch in my throat, and I had to fight back the fantastical thoughts that had, yet again, invaded my mind. Desire burned inside me. But these fantasies were entirely impossible, because realizing them would be much too dangerous. I was, perhaps, a little biased in my assessment of Bella's beauty, certainly. But not much.

"No," Bella answered Angela's question. "There's no point, really. Renee knows when I'm graduating, and who else is there?"

"What about you, Alice?" Angela asked.

Alice smiled. There was nothing _to_ send. "All done."

"Lucky you," Angela sighed. She was thinking of the huge stack of cards on the dining room table in her house. "My mother has a thousand cousins, and she expects me to hand-address one to everybody. I'm going to get carpal tunnel. I can't put it off any longer, and I'm just dreading it."

"I'll help you," Bella volunteered. "If you don't mind my awful handwriting."

I thought that was an excellent idea, and smiled at her. It would get Bella out of the house, meet Charlie's condition to spend time with her friends, and keep her away from the wolves.

Angela's outlook was brightened instantly at Bella's offer. "That's so nice of you. I'll come over any time you want."

"Actually, I'd rather go to your house, if that's okay – I'm sick of mine. Charlie un-grounded me last night."

"Really?" Angela was happy at the news. "I thought you said you were in for life."

"I'm more surprised than you are. I was sure I would at least have finished high school before he set me free."

"Well, this is great, Bella." Angela said excitedly. "We have to go out to celebrate."

"You have no idea how good that sounds," Bella replied.

Bella's statement had also caught Alice's attention. "What should we do?" In her head, she was already making plans. "_We'll go to __Paris – there's this new boutique I've been wanting to go to. Perhaps London, too..._"

"Whatever you're thinking, Alice, I doubt I'm that free," Bella laughed. She knew Alice's tendency to go a little overboard.

"Free is free, right?" Alice was insistent.

"I'm sure I still have boundaries – like the continental U.S., for example," Bella grinned at my little sister. Angela and Ben laughed at Alice's face – awash with disappointment. I suppressed a grin. Alice and her flamboyant ideas.

"So what are we doing tonight?" She wouldn't give up.

"Nothing," Bella replied. "Look, let's give it a couple of days to make sure he wasn't joking. It's a school night, anyway."

"We'll celebrate this weekend, then," Alice said, still enthusiastic. "_New York, then. Fantastic shopping opportunities. And it'll be overcast there all weekend. Fabulous._" Alice was exceptional at predicting the weather. She always saw the days the sun would shine. We ditched school on those days, for a very specific reason.

"Sure," Bella said. I could read the apprehension in her face, and chuckled silently. She knew Alice just as well.

Soon, Angela and Alice were chatting about options, and I tuned out the conversation for the moment. Bella had gone quiet, and was looking down at the table. She didn't look as happy as I thought she would be, considering her newfound freedom, and I wished, yet again, I could hear what she was thinking. Bella frowned, and I was about to lean down to her to ask what was wrong, when Alice called me silently, and I saw the vision in her head. I froze. I had to force myself to keep breathing.

Victoria. Running lithely through the forests, towards Forks, planning to kill Bella. Her face contorted in fury, out for revenge. My family out in the woods, preparing to defend the girl I loved. There were a few holes in the vision, something Alice was unable to see. This was not good at all. I started to panic.

"Alice? Alice?" Angela was waving her hand in front of my sister's face. Bella looked up and stiffened next to me, recognizing Alice's expression instantly. A diversion was needed. Immediately. I laughed as normally as I was capable of, with the sudden panic freezing my insides, and at the same time, kicked Alice's leg under the table to snap her out of her trance. She jumped.

"Is it naptime already, Alice?" I teased, fighting the rising fear of the vision I had just seen.

"Sorry, I was daydreaming, I guess."

"Daydreaming's better than facing two more hours of school," Ben said.

"_I don't understand the holes. I can't see the outcome yet, but we need to make plans. It seems like it will happen this weekend._"

Alice rejoined the conversation, a little more vivacious than before, but neither Angela nor Ben noticed the difference. I wasn't sure if Bella could, but she usually didn't miss these things. I would have to think of a way to keep the news from her.

Alice flashed her eyes to me for a split-second, almost imperceptibly. "_Are you going to tell Bella?_"

I used our normal means of silent communication, moving my eyes slowly from left to right and back to the left, just once, and began playing with Bella's hair, pretending to be carefree, while plotting my next moves.

First and foremost, I had to protect Bella. Not only keep her out of Victoria's grasp, but also prevent her from worrying about the possibility. If I considered the premise that Bella _had_ noticed, in all likelihood, that Alice had seen a vision, I needed to be able to circumvent her questions. Or if the questioning was unavoidable, lie. I didn't like having to do the latter, but Bella's safety and tranquility were most important. Also, I had to speak with Alice, to find out what else she might see, figure out what the holes in her vision meant. And, worst case scenario, if a confrontation with Victoria was truly imminent, I needed to get Bella out of town. Far away from Forks until the danger had passed.

For the rest of the school day, I was able to prevent Bella from asking the questions I didn't want to answer. I struck up a conversation with Ben on the way to our next class, about an English assignment I had already finished. During the break, I asked Angela about her weekend plans. As we were walking out to the car after school, Mike Newton was just ahead of us, and, though he was an unusual candidate, presented me with another chance at diverting Bella.

"_Hope the car starts. Stupid thing. Tyler was no help. Wish I had Cullen's money. Buy a Volvo, like he's got. Or a Beemer. That'd be cool._" I suppressed a grin. Perfect. I pulled Bella along to catch up with him.

"Having car trouble, Mike? I heard Tyler say something about that earlier."

Mike was mystified by my sudden friendliness. "_Huh? Cullen's talking to me?_" He answered anyway. "Yeah."

"What seems to be the problem?" I asked him.

"It wouldn't start this morning, but I just replaced the battery," he replied. "_Wonder why he's being so friendly. It's kinda freaky..._

"Perhaps it's the cables?" I furnished another option.

"Maybe. I really don't know anything about cars," Mike replied, sullenly. "I need to have someone look at it, but I can't afford to take it to Dowling's." "_Not like I got your kind of money, Cullen."_

"I know a few things – I could take a look, if you like," I offered. As little time as I wanted to spend away from Bella, I would do it, if it meant protecting her. At least for a few hours. I couldn't bear much more than that. "Just let me drop Alice and Bella at home."

Mike was flabbergasted. "_That's just... weird. Cullen's weird._"

"Er... thanks," he mumbled. "But I have to get to work. Maybe some other time."

"Absolutely," I kept up the charade.

"See ya." Mike got into his car, shaking his head. "_That was unusual, to say the least. I can't stand him. If not for him, I might've had a chance with her."_

He was sadly mistaken about that. He'd never had a chance. Bella had said no to everyone - except for me. I was the one she'd said yes to, and it never failed to thrill me, whenever I thought about it.

We reached the Volvo, and Alice was already inside. She had overheard the conversation with Mike. "_You are killing me, Edward. Is this necessary? Okay, I'll play along._"

I held the door for Bella. "What was _that_ about?" she muttered, but climbed into the car.

"Just being helpful," I answered. I had no hope that she would buy it. Alice saved me, at least for the moment.

"You're really not _that_ good a mechanic, Edward. Maybe you should have Rosalie take a look at it tonight, just so you look good if Mike decides to let you help, you know. Not that it wouldn't be fun to watch his face if _Rosalie_ showed up to help. But since Rosalie is supposed to be across the country attending college, I guess that's not the best idea. Too bad. Though I suppose, for Mike's car, you'll do. It's only within the finer tunings of a good Italian sports car that you're out of your depth. And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porsche. I don't know that I want to wait for Christmas. I think you should get me one sooner..." She took a breath. I shot a quick glance at Bella, but she was staring ahead. Alice winked at me in the rear-view mirror. "_Doesn't look like she's listening. Are you happy now?_" Diversion successful. For now.

I dropped Alice off at the end of our driveway. She would run the rest of the way to the house. As she got out, she looked at me sharply. "_Keep her safe, Edward. I'll try to get a better picture of what's coming, and let the others know. We'll talk tonight, okay?_"

"See you later," I said, nodding once, imperceptibly. I hoped.

I prepared myself mentally for the most difficult diversion of the day – I still had to take Bella home. Being alone with her would surely start the questions. How to distract her? I was quiet on the drive to her house, thinking ahead. I had to keep pretending that nothing was wrong. Stay calm. On the inside, I was in full-blown panic mode.

Victoria. I choked back a snarl. She'd been staying away since shortly before my return, but obviously hadn't given up. I hadn't actually thought she would.

Bella was silent, too. Suspicious, I was fairly sure. So far, I hadn't really gone about avoiding her questions in an awfully clever manner, and Bella was usually too quick on the uptake to be fooled by even my better efforts. I'd have to do my very best when we were alone.

We got to the house, and I turned off the car. "Light homework load tonight," I said to Bella.

"Mmm," she replied. I took that as a yes.

"Do you suppose I'm allowed inside again?" I had been wondering about that; with the her grounding not longer applicable, perhaps the official visiting hours had been expanded as well.

"Charlie didn't throw a fit when you picked me up for school." This was true. I took that as another yes.

We went inside, climbed up the stairs, to her room. Bella seemed on edge. Nervous. Suspicious. I didn't know if she'd made the full connection between Alice's vision, and my unusual behavior over the last few hours, but I was fairly sure she'd realized I was keeping something from her. I didn't think she knew what that something was, however. And I would keep it that way.

I decided to lay on her bed, pretending to be unconcerned, looking out the window at nothing in particular. Bella dropped her bag, and turned on her computer, a very ancient machine she wouldn't let me replace. It was pathetically slow.

Her fingers were drumming on the desk. Anxious, I guessed. She needed better diversion. I had an idea, not entirely born out of unselfish motives, but it would probably work. For a while. Perhaps.

I silently got up to walk over to her. I leaned down close to her face, and put my hand over hers. "Are we a little impatient today?"

She looked up at me, and I gazed deeply into her eyes, allowing my breath to caress her face. I could see it was working, so I leaned even closer and kissed her. She responded immediately. Her lips shaped themselves around mine. The fire in my throat was dull, muted, the way it had been since Italy. I could feel my other hungers for her build inside me, but I was in control. Involuntarily, I thought of the glimpse of skin I'd gotten at lunch, and the desire became more pronounced. Her scent in my nose, I wove my fingers through her hair, and gently held her face in place. Bella's arms wound around my neck. My need for her flared higher. My skin felt warmer where she touched me. I slid one hand down her back, and pulled her against the length of my body. Bella shivered. I was starting to lose my hold on self-control. I was starting to feel light-headed.

I tried to put some space between us, but Bella pressed herself closer. The tip of her tongue stole across my lower lip, and I almost lost it then. The desire washed over me, and I wanted her, wanted her badly, with every fiber of my being. I would hurt her if I let this get any farther. Time to stop.

I pulled my face away and ended the kiss, chuckling once at the disappointment on her face. She was breathing hard, her heart beating rapidly. I struggled to regain control over the hungers and excitement she had set loose inside me. My own breathing had sped up just the same.

"Ah, Bella," I sighed.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," she said.

"And I should feel sorry that you're not sorry, but I don't. Maybe I should go sit on the bed."

"If you think that's necessary..."

I smiled at her words, and went back to lounging across her bed. Bella pulled out her chair, and sat down at the PC.

"Tell Renee I said hello."

"Sure thing," Bella replied.

While Bella was busy with her emails, I refocused my attention on the dangers ahead. I didn't quite know yet what to do. Should I take her and run? Would it be safe for Bella if we stayed? The risk was high that Victoria would get past us, and I couldn't guarantee Bella's safety, not based on just the glimpses that Alice had gotten at lunch. I was concerned that I might not have enough time to plan for an escape, if I waited any longer. And if we _were_ to leave town, I needed to come up with a reason to travel.

Bella had been talking about her mother in her sleep. Maybe I could use that to my advantage.

The tickets. I wondered what she'd done with them. My parents had given Bella airline ticket vouchers for her last birthday. Her disastrous last birthday. The one that had changed everything.

I'd already removed them from under her floor boards, where I'd hidden them, with her other things, last fall, when I'd left her. I shook my head, grimacing at the memory. Should I bring up the tickets at all? I could hardly bear to remind her of that barren time, when we'd been apart. But it would get us out of town. They were vouchers, no specific date designated, and I should be able to get the travel arranged for this weekend. There was still time for that, at least. How would she react?

Glancing at her to make sure she was still occupied with emails, I quietly got up and started looking around the room. Nothing. Maybe her closet. Bella's desk was right next to the closet door, which was standing open. There they were, lying on top of a flat black box with tangled wires, that I eventually recognized as the stereo Emmett had installed in her truck. It was destroyed, beyong repair. I realized that this was the one thing I hadn't hidden before I left. I was aghast. What had she done to it? Why had she removed it? Had it been a reminder she was unable to bear?

"What did you _do_ to this?" I asked her in horror.

"It didn't want to come out of the dashboard," she replied. That confirmed my suspicion. I should have thought of it. No - I shouldn't have left her in the first place.

"So you felt the need to torture it?" It didn't even look like she had used any proper tools to get it out. Had she _clawed_ it out of the truck?

"You know how I am with tools," she tried to explain. "No pain was inflicted intentionally."

I shook my head. "You killed it." I tried to keep my hold on light banter, but my insides were burning with the guilt and anguish for all the pain I had caused her. When I'd thought I could leave her. What a fool I had been.

Bella just shrugged. "Oh, well."

"It would hurt their feelings if they saw this. I guess it's a good thing that you've been on house arrest. I'll have to get another one in place before they notice." My mind was already thinking of when I could do get a new one without them realizing it.

"Thanks, but I don't need a fancy stereo," she rebuffed me instantly.

"It's not for your sake that I'm going to replace it." She sighed in response.

"You didn't get much good out of your birthday presents last year," I said, making my voice sound disgruntled. Bella knew I never brought up the subject of her last birthday voluntarily, for numerous reasons, and I hated having to do it now. Hated having to remind her of the pain, of the misery of seven long months apart. The look on her face was one of surprise.

I picked up the tickets, and theatrically fanned myself with them, thinking that might elicit a laugh. Or at least a grin. Not that there was anything remotely funny about any of this. Bella hadn't responded to my words. I pressed on, feeling wretched inside. "Do you realize these are about to expire?"

She was quiet for a moment, studying my face. Wondering what I was doing? Then she took a deep breath. "No," she said. "I'd forgotten all about them, actually."

I kept my expression bright, careful not to tip her off. The horrible pain at having hurt her so terribly tore through me. "Well, we still have a little time. You've been liberated... and we have no plans this weekend, as you refuse to go to the prom with me." I faked a grin. "Why not celebrate your freedom this way?"

"By going to Florida?" Bella sounded shell shocked.

"You did say something about the continental U.S. being allowable," I replied.

She glared at me, looking utterly suspicious. Again, no response.

"Well?" I had to keep going, or I'd never get through this. "Are we going to see Renee or not?"

"Charlie will never allow it." I'd thought of that already.

"Charlie can't keep you from visiting your mother. She still has primary custody." This was a wild guess on my part, but considering that Bella had chosen to live with her father, I didn't think the custodial arrangements had been changed. Besides, she was eighteen. That made her a legal adult in all fifty states.

Bella bristled at my words. "Nobody has custody of me. I'm an adult." Without knowing, she was playing right into my hands. I felt wretched. Loathsome.

I flashed a wide smile at her. "Exactly."

She was quiet, thinking. I watched her face, waiting for a decision. Then she sighed. "Not this weekend."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to fight with Charlie. Not so soon after he's forgiven me."

This wasn't going the way I wanted. "I think this weekend is perfect," I muttered. Bella shook her head. "Another time."

I needed to pull up the big guns, it seemed. That made me feel even worse. "You aren't the only one who's been trapped in this house, you know." I frowned, feeling absolutely despicable. Her face was suspicious again.

"You can go anywhere you want," she said very pointedly. Rather unlikely.

"The outside world holds no interest for me without you," I replied, perhaps a bit too melodramatically.

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm serious," I insisted.

"Let's take the outside world slowly, all right? For example, we could start with a movie in Port Angeles..."

I groaned, still playing my part. "Never mind," I said. "We'll talk about it later."

I'd just had another idea. If I brought up the subject later, with Charlie, he would most certainly not like _that_ prospect one bit. And if he went off on Bella about her flying to Jacksonville with me, she would likely respond in kind. I could already see _that _conversation. Bella would probably be very angry with me, but considering the threat of Victoria, that would be easier to deal with than the alternative.

"There's nothing left to talk about," Bella told me. I shrugged. We'd see about that.

"Okay, then – new subject," she continued. "What did Alice see at lunch today?"

I _knew _she'd have noticed, and I was prepared. I didn't like this, either, but I had to lie to protect her. "She's been seeing Jasper in a strange place, somewhere in the Southwest, she thinks, near his former... family. But he has no conscious intentions to go back." I sighed, playing the role of concerned brother. "It's got her worried."

"Oh," Bella said.

I had to keep lying. "I didn't realize you'd noticed. It's probably nothing important, in any case." I felt beyond contempt. I _was_ a monster, lying through my teeth to the girl I loved. It reminded me of the time I'd lied to her in the forest behind her house. Told her I didn't love her anymore. And she had believed me then, too.

The conversation effectively over, for now, we went to the kitchen to do homework. Afterwards, Bella started cooking dinner. She was making Beef Stroganoff, and I helped her cut up the ingredients. They felt slimy in my hands, but I wanted to get used to this. Perhaps one day I'd cook for her. I'd need to find a taster, though. The smell of the raw food was mildly revolting, not at all appetizing, and Bella grinned at the faces I made.

When Charlie came home, he was for once in a fairly good mood. It seemed that they were not very busy at the station and spent the hours playing cards. He'd won a few games. He wasn't even too bothered by my being at the house. As usual, I excused myself from dinner, and went to the living room to pass the time watching TV.

Bella and Charlie were chatting about the day. Charlie told her about the card games. He'd also been talking to Billy Black, who was having some kind of problems with his joints. It didn't interest me, but I listened more closely, sure that the dreaded subject of Jacob Black would be coming up soon. Charlie didn't disappoint. "...he invited us down to visit this weekend. He was thinking of having the Clearwaters and the Uleys over too. Sort of like a playoff party..." That was of course out of the question. Bella was not going to La Push. Not even with Charlie. And certainly not this weekend, with Victoria on the loose.

"Huh," Bella stalled. I heard her get up from the table and start running the water. Doing dishes. Time for an intervention. I walked to the kitchen, and grabbed a dish towel to help her.

"_We'll talk about it later, I guess._" Charlie sighed and got up to settle in front of yet another game for the evening. It was now or never.

"Charlie," I said.

"Yeah?" He'd stopped in the middle of the kitchen, with his back to me, already wondering what in the world I would want.

"Did Bella ever tell you that my parents gave her airline tickets on her last birthday, so that she could visit Renee?"

The plate Bella had been cleaning fell to the floor. I was in for it now. She would definitely be mad. Charlie didn't notice the splashing water. He was shocked into incoherency. "Bella?" he choked out.

She picked the plate off the floor, but wouldn't look at him. Or me. "Yeah, they did," she confirmed.

Charlie gulped, and turned around to face me. He was starting to get angry, his eyes narrowing. "No, she never mentioned it."

"Hmm," I just said. He wasn't quite finished. "Is there a reason you brought it up?"

I shrugged. "They're about to expire. I think it would hurt Esme's feelings if Bella doesn't use her gift. Not that she'd say anything."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella stare at me, disbelief on her face. It made me feel like I had just thrown her to the wolves, so to speak. But I couldn't turn back now.

Charlie was quiet for a minute, considering the idea of Bella going to Jacksonville. He thought it would get her away from me, at least for a few days. He was also thinking of Renee. "It's probably a good idea for you to visit your mother, Bella. She'd love that. I'm surprised you didn't say anything about this, though."

Bella looked mortified. "I forgot," she said.

Charlie frowned at her. "You forgot that someone gave you plane tickets?"

"Mmm," she murmured, and turned back to the sink. Something had just occurred to Charlie.

"I noticed that you said _they're_ about to expire. How many tickets did your parent give her?"

All or nothing now. "Just one for her... and one for me."

Bella dropped the plate again, splashing herself. I could imagine the heat that was coloring her cheeks by now. Charlie exhaled in a rush.

"That is out of the question," he thundered, his face red with rage.

"Why?" I asked, my face a picture of innocence. "You just said it was a good idea for her to see her mother."

He ignored me completely. The veins on his neck were standing out. "You're not going anywhere with him, young lady!" he yelled. I waited for Bella's response. Would she respond in the way I had anticipated?

Bella did exactly what I had expected. She spun around, just in time to see Charlie's finger stabbing the air towards her. My mission accomplished, I stood back, letting the scene play out.

"I'm not a child, Dad. And I'm not grounded anymore, remember?"

"Oh yes, you are. Starting now."

"For what?!" Bella demanded.

"Because I said so!" Charlie bellowed.

"Do I need to remind you that I'm a legal adult, Charlie?" Bella's tone was biting. I suppressed a grin. I was almost enjoying this. Almost, but not quite. I didn't forget that I had thrown the match igniting this blaze.

Charlie had forgotten that I was still standing behind him. "This is my house – you follow my rules!"

Terrible move on his part. Bella's eyes instantly went ice-cold. "If that's how you want it. Do you want me to move out tonight? Or can I have a few days to pack?"

Charlie turned bright red. Bella took a deep breath, and her voice became softer. "I'll do my time without complaining when I've done something wrong, Dad, but I'm not going to put up with your prejudices."

Charlie was unable to manage anything coherent in response. He tried to get the words out but couldn't.

"Now, I know that you know that I have every right to see Mom for the weekend. You can't honestly tell me you'd object to the plan if I was going with Alice or Angela."

"Girls," Charlie grunted, nodding.

"Would it be bother you if I took Jacob?" That hurt. I clenched my teeth with an audible sound, flinching at the name, and the mental picture it conjured, as well as the thoughts from Charlie. He liked _that _idea _much_ better.

"Yes," Charlie said, very unconvincingly. "That would bother me."

Bella heard it, too. "You're a rotten liar, Dad."

"Bella..." he started, but she wasn't finished. "It's not like I'm headed off to Vegas to be a showgirl or anything. I'm going to see _Mom_. She's just as much my parental authority as you are."

Charlie didn't agree with Bella's statement, and shot her a skeptic look.

Bella's voice became more sarcastic. "Are you implying something about Mom's ability to look after me?"

Charlie flinched. "You'd better hope I don't mention this to her," Bella threatened.

"You'd better not," he said. "I'm not happy about this, Bella." That was an understatement, but he was giving up.

"There's no reason for you to be upset."

He rolled his eyes at her, but his rage had cooled, and reason had returned. More or less.

Bella turned back to the sink to finish up. "So, my homework's done, your dinner's done, the dishes are done, and I'm not grounded. I'm going out. I'll be back before ten-thirty."

That last part had me all excited. We were leaving the house?

"Where are you going?" Charlie demanded, his anger building up again.

"I'm not sure," Bella responded. "I'll keep it within a ten-mile radius, though. Okay?"

"Yeah, do that," Charlie grunted, and stomped off to the living room.

I went over to Bella. "We're going out?" I was excited for a moment. Where would she want to go?

She turned to me, and her face was _not_ happy. "Yes," she said. "I think I'd like to speak to you _alone_."

Yes, just like I'd thought. She was mad. Extremely mad. I was fairly sure she'd forgive me, though that didn't make me feel any better about what I'd just done. At least now, I would be able to answer honestly. About some parts.

We got into the car, and she turned to me. "What was _that_?"

"I know you want to see your mother, Bella – you've been talking about her in your sleep. Worrying, actually."

"I have?"

I nodded in confirmation. "But clearly, you were too much of a coward to deal with Charlie, so I interceded on your behalf." It sounded so much better than what I'd actually done.

"Interceded? You threw me to the sharks." Hers was the truer statement. But I still had a part to play, so I rolled my eyes. "I don't think you were in any danger."

"I told you I didn't want to fight with Charlie."

"Nobody said that you had to."

She glared at me. "I can't help myself when he gets all bossy like that – my natural teenage instincts overpower me."

I chortled. "Well, that's not my fault."

She stared at me for a moment, her face thoughtful. "Does this sudden urge to go see Florida have anything to do with the party at Billy's place?"

Did she have to bring that up? I involuntarily flexed my jaw. "Not at all. It wouldn't matter if you were here or on the other side of the world – you still wouldn't be going."

Bella gritted her teeth at my words, and I was getting tired of our fighting. Especially about this particular subject. I sighed.

I looked at her, and put my love for her firmly at the forefront of my mind, trying to block out all the other emotions for now. "So what do you want to do tonight?"

"Can we go to your house? I haven't seen Esme in so long." That we could do. They would all be happy to see Bella again. Esme had been asking about her almost every day. I smiled. "She'll like that. Especially when she hears what we're doing this weekend."

Bella groaned, and I suppressed a laugh.

After the initial hellos, we ended up playing chess. I beat Alice in less than three minutes, but she was, as always the only one who'd play against me. Then Jasper played against Bella. She lost phenomenally. Jasper was an excellent chess player, the strategic requirements of the game appealing to his military background. Bella didn't stand a chance of winning. And Jasper had done well keeping himself under control while Bella was at the house. I was impressed.

I took her home on time, and pulled up to her house shortly before ten-thirty. Charlie was in the living room, his thoughts pensive. He was going to have _the talk_ with Bella, worrying that our relationship was getting to that point. It most definitely wasn't, as much as I might want that. I was grinning internally, wondering how Bella would react to that somewhat awkward subject.

"You'd better not come inside," she said. "It will only make things worse."

"His thoughts are relatively calm," I replied, fighting my amusement. My mouth twitched, before I could choke back a laugh. Bella looked at me, a little confused, it seemed.

"I'll see you later," she muttered, sounding sullen.

I laughed, and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back when Charlie's snoring," I promised her. I watched her walk into the house before I drove off.

I had a quick talk with my family when I got home, telling them my plans for the weekend. Alice had already told them what she'd seen. She thought I was going to extremes, but I didn't care. Bella's safety was my first priority. I had a couple of hours to spend, so I decided to make a quick hunting trip. Before I could even get deep into the forest, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Alice was frantic. She'd just seen Bella's future disappear. She didn't know where Bella was and if she'd come home. I flew into a full blown panic.

I spun around, and ran the opposite way, to Bella's house. Her ancient truck was parked on the side. I heard her running down the stairs. I breathed a sigh of relief. She was safe.

"You care if I go see Jake tonight?" she asked her father. Charlie was instantly pleased.

"Sure, kid. No problem. Stay as long as you like." No surprise there.

"Thanks, Dad."

I removed the starter solenoid from the truck's engine. She wasn't going anywhere. I silently opened the passenger door and got into the cabin, waiting for her to come out.

Bella wrenched open the driver's side door and climbed in, jamming the key into the ignition. She turned the key, while I waited for her to realize she wasn't alone. She tried the key again. She still hadn't noticed me.

I was flicking the starter relay through my fingers. The motion must have caught her attention, because she jumped and gasped.

I sat very still, and kept twirling the solenoid. I tried to stay calm, but I couldn't look at her. I was angry at her defiance, saddened by having to keep her away from her friend, and jealous that she still felt the need to go console the dog. Mostly jealous at this point.

"Alice called," I murmured. "She got nervous when your future rather abruptly disappeared five minutes ago."

Bella was silent.

"Because she can't see the wolves, you know. Had you forgotten that? When you decide to mingle your fate with theirs, you disappear, too. You couldn't know that part, I realize that. But can you understand why that might make me a little...anxious? Alice saw you disappear, and she couldn't even tell if you'd come home or not. Your future got lost, just like theirs."

I was silent for a moment. I still couldn't look at her face. Was she angry with me? Probably.

"We're not sure why this is. Some natural defense they're born with? That doesn't seem likely, since I haven't had any trouble reading their thoughts. The Blacks' at least. Carlisle theorizes that it's because their lives are so ruled by their transformations. It's more an involuntarily reaction than a decision. Utterly unpredictable, and it changes everything about them. In that instant when they shift from one form to another, they don't really even exist. The future can't hold them..."

Bella listened in silence, but I could feel the heat coming off her face. Her heart was beating fast, and I knew she was very angry. She had every right to be angry, but I just couldn't let her go see Jacob Black. Or any of the wolves. I felt wretched. Would she forgive me?

"I'll put your car back together in time for school, in case you'd like to drive yourself." '

She didn't respond, but pulled the keys out of the ignition and climbed out of the truck.

"Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I'll understand," I whispered, agonized at having to hurt her like this. She slammed the door. I heard her stomp her feet up the sidewalk, and then she slammed the front door, too.

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked.

"Truck won't start," Bella grumbled. I couldn't see her face, because Charlie hadn't gotten off the couch.

"Want me to look at it?" he offered.

"No. I'll try it in the morning."

"Want to use my car?" I held my breath. Would I have to disable the cruiser, too?

"No. I'm tired," Bella grumbled. "Night."

I heard her footfalls on the stairs, and the door to her room open. I heard her window slam shut, the glass vibrating in the frame. I sighed. I wouldn't be able to see her again tonight. I deserved her anger, and though I understood it, I felt sad.

After a moment, the window slid open again. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I waited until I could hear Charlie's snoring, and climbed back into her room. She was sleeping already, so I laid down beside her, wrapped her quilt around her, and with Bella safe in my arms, I let myself be happy again.


	3. Confrontations

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, to understand what makes him tick.

This 3rd Chapter is called "Confrontations". It is based on chapter 3 in Eclipse, where it is called "Motives." I chose a different name for this chapter because I wanted to allude to the various encounters that take place. Bella and her mother, talking about Bella's relationship with Edward. The Cullens and Quileute wolves' chase of Victoria, and the almost-fight that ensues. Bella, Edward and Jacob at school. The written conversation between Edward and Bella in class. And Edward, _at last_, confronting himself, questioning the way he's been going about keeping Bella safe, and beginning to question his feelings of hatred towards, and jealousy of, Jacob Black. I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing these books. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for reading.

**3. Confrontations**

Evening.

After the long flight out of Seattle, we had arrived in the sunny town on the Florida coast, where Bella's mother, Renee, lived with her husband, Phil. He played baseball for the Jacksonville Suns and, in his spare time, coached at a local high school. I had carefully planned the timing of our flight, so it would arrive later in the evening, after the sun had gone down. I'd met Renee once before, in the spring of the the previous year, in Phoenix, when Bella was convalescing in the hospital after the... incident with James.

Of course, in Florida, I'd likely be confined to the house during the daytime, but I didn't mind, if it meant Bella could spend time with her mother. And be far away from Victoria. There were plenty of possible excuses I could come up with to stay indoors.

Avoiding the sunlight at all cost was one of the first lessons a newborn vampire learned. The effect of the sun on our hardened skin was a dead give-away to humans that we were different. Those of my kind that lived in these sunny climates only ever came out at night. My family's very different lifestyle had allowed us to spend a few years at at time in one of the more overcast locations of the pacific Northwest, where we were able to show ourselves during the day, and Alice's uncanny visions of the weather were extremely helpful to stay inconspicuous.

Of course, we didn't get older, at least not in the physical sense. Our bodies were frozen, living stone, from the moment of our transformations. Our appearance didn't change, and after a time, usually around the three-year mark, we had to move on, before arousing suspicions in the minds of the humans around us. By now, our time in Forks was almost over. We'd been there for over three years, and were waiting for Bella to finish high-school. When she had graduated, we'd likely move again. We hadn't decided yet where we'd go. If Bella went through with her choice right after she finished school, it would likely be a very remote place, one where she would be able to get safely past the crazed newborn period, and adjust to the new life, without endangering humans. I'd be there, with her, every step of the way. Guiding her, teaching her, loving her.

After we got the hellos and introductions out of the way, we rode in Phil's car to the house they had bought last year. A small, three-bedroom house, but it was furnished comfortably. Bella's mother had prepared a little snack for us, but I told her I'd eaten on the plane and wasn't hungry. Lying was another necessity when interacting with humans in close quarters.

I'd have to devise excuses for not eating. And if that wasn't possible, pretend to eat the human food. It was all part of the charade, and we had over time perfected these deceptions. Bella's father, Charlie, was used to my excuses, and thought nothing more of it. In the early days, he'd questioned it, but I told him the usual lies, and eventually, he stopped wondering. Or asking me to join. Especially now, since my return to Forks.

Renee showed us the rooms where we would spent the two nights of our stay, separately of course. Not that I would sleep in the room. We had talked in the family room for a little while before turning in for the night. After I ascertained that everyone was asleep, I silently stole into Bella's room. She was curled in her bed, looking peaceful in her sleep. I inhaled deeply, once, twice, letting her potent scent rip through me. Ah. Her blood was no longer a temptation, no longer the raging, fiery assault on my throat. I smiled happily, before I wrapped my arm around her, and watched over her dreams.

I was very lucky the first day. It was overcast, the gray clouds billowing in the sky, completely covering the sun. This promised protection from exposure, so after some deliberation, I took a risk. In my long-sleeved shirt, and jeans, I felt somewhat safeguarded, and I figured I could always quickly duck into the house, if need be. But the weather held. We sat outside on the covered back porch, chatting about various subjects. Bella tried to keep the focus on Renee and Phil, asking numerous questions about their current activities, in an attempt, I guessed, to prevent her mother from asking about us. Phil wasn't home much. His high school team was in the play-offs, and this kept him out of the house for most of the time we were there.

Unlike Charlie, Renee was much more... aware, in a way , her mind close to that of a child. Very insightful – but insensible, simple. She experienced her surroundings, the world, in a very different way. It was fascinating. I'd never heard anything like it from an adult.

After the first night, she starting watching Bella and me, our interactions, the way we moved around each other, the way I would touch her solicitously. Renee was confused. "_He's so... intense about Bella. The way he watches her, never takes his eyes off her. Like he's expecting something bad to happen, and he wants to be ready to save her. Strange. Unusual. I wonder if she realizes how much he loves her. And Bella, too. She reacts instantly, when he moves in any way. They are very... aware of each other. It just doesn't seem like puppy love. But they're still so young. _" I was impressed by her perceptiveness.

She'd only met me that one time – in a hospital room, but she had immediately figured out that I was in love with her daughter. And the last time she'd seen Bella was in Forks, the first week after I'd left. I winced at that memory of Bella, catatonic in her room, and the rage she'd flown into when she'd been told why Renee was there. Her mother had realized the depth, the irrevocableness of Bella's feelings for me long before I had. I wrestled with the guilt and regret the pictures in Renee's head incited, my frozen heart heavy at the pain and anguish I'd inflicted on my love.

Over the next few hours, confusion gave way to concern. She resolved to have a conversation with Bella – alone. "_I probably won't be able to change her mind. This whole thing looks pretty much sown up. I wonder when I'll get the invitation. Hmm. Best not mention that to her. I hope she'll wait. I hope she remembers what I told her. Not that it applies to Bella. My little middle-aged daughter."_ Renee smiled to herself.

Phil had a game that night, and Renee went with him. We stayed at the house, and watched TV, content to have some time to ourselves. And Bella was still awake, when I entered her room later that night. She smiled when she saw me. I held her, like the night before, quietly humming her lullaby. She soon fell asleep in my arms.

The sun made a reappearance that morning, so I invented a term paper as an excuse to stay in the house. We were leaving in the early afternoon to fly back home. Phil was playing ball again, and had already said his goodbyes. Renee invited Bella for a walk down to the beach to implement her plan to talk to Bella about our relationship.

I used the time to call Alice. I wanted to find out what, if anything, had happened at home the night before.

"Hi, Edward. Is Bella enjoying Jacksonville?"

"I think so. She went for a stroll with her mother before we have to leave."

"I'm glad you called. We nearly caught Victoria last night."

"What happened?"

"We were in the forests outside of Forks, waiting for her to show, when we crossed her scent. We followed the trail, but she escaped over the Quileute line before we could get to her. I swear to you, Edward, it was like she knew exactly where the border was. Some of the wolves came across her trail, and chased her back towards us. We almost had her then, but she crossed over again a few miles further north. Then the other wolves caught up with her on their land, but she danced right along the line, from one side to the other, careful not to let us come too close. The whole pack ended up right across from us. There was Victoria, flitting in-between, back and forth, when Emmett tried to jump right at Victoria to snatch her – you know how he is – but she evaded him. Emmett nearly landed on top of one of the dogs, a big, gray one. That one got all defensive. Things were a little... _interesting_ after that. They were snarling and growling at each other, and then Rosalie flew into a rage, trying to defend Emmett, but Carlisle stepped in before it could further escalate, and Jasper got everyone calmed down. By then, Victoria had taken off. Carlisle spoke to Sam Uley, and we all agreed that Victoria was the priority, so we all chased after her, staying right next to the line on either side. As you know, the border runs right along the coast, so we had to stop and let the wolves go on alone, but I saw her jump into the water north of the cliffs at the Makah reservation. Emmett and Jasper wanted to follow her, but the leader wouldn't let them cross over into their lands. And that's it, guess. I'm sure she'll be back, though, but I'll see it if she does."

"Did she get anywhere near Bella's house?"

"No. She never got even close to Forks, as far as we can tell. Esme stayed behind to watch over Charlie, and he's fine."

"Okay. That's good. Thank you, Alice. Oh, one more thing – please ask the others not to mention any of this to Bella. I'll see you tonight." I shut off the phone. Though Victoria hadn't been able to even get into town, based on Alice's version of the events, I was nearly faint with relief that Bella hadn't been home this weekend. She didn't need the worry, and I'd do whatever I could to keep it from her.

Bella and Renee returned shortly. Bella looked thoughtful, and a little... concerned.

I put my arm around her shoulder "Are you all right?" I asked her quietly. She nodded once.

"Yes, I'm fine," she replied with a little smile. She didn't say anything else, and after I studied her face one more, I decided to let it go. It was not my place to pry into her relationship with her mother, and I was sure Bella would tell me what had transpired, if she wanted me to know.

Soon, it was time to leave. Renee drove us to the airport, and waved a tearful goodbye as we went through the security checkpoint. Bella was silent on the flight home, seeming content to simply lean against me, with my arm wrapped around her shoulder. She didn't speak on the drive from Seattle either. We were close to Forks, when I was unable to take the suspense any longer. I had to know what she was thinking.

"You've been very quiet," I said. "Did the plane make you sick?"

"No, I'm okay," Bella replied.

"Are you sad to leave?"

"More relieved than sad, I think."

I raised one eyebrow, hoping she'd explain that.

"Renee is so much more... _perceptive_ than Charlie, in some ways. It was making me jumpy."

I laughed. It was amazing, how much we thought alike sometimes.

"Your mother has a very interesting mind. Almost childlike, but very insightful. She sees things differently than other people."

Bella was quiet again, looking out the windshield. I wondered what her mom had told her during their walk, but, again, I didn't want to ask. She'd tell me if it was important. Bella was so lost in thought that she didn't notice when I stopped the car in front of her house. I crooked a finger and gently stroked over Bella's cheek.

"Welcome home, Sleeping Beauty. Time to awake." Bella sighed in response. It sounded apprehensive.

Charlie was already looking out the living room window, waiting impatiently for Bella to get out of the car. He had missed her, but was also very excited, having something important to tell her. Jacob Black, after weeks of deadly silence, had called the house numerous times today, asking to talk to Bella.

It ruined my happy mood, and my face was tensed when I walked around the car to open Bella's door, and helped her climb out. She noticed the mood change immediately. "How bad?" she asked.

"Charlie is not going to be difficult. He missed you." This was partially true – Charlie wasn't going to make a fuss about the weekend, but it would be difficult nonetheless – for me, at least. I composed my face, though the tension I felt didn't leave my body.

I carried her bag as we walked towards the house, and up the steps. Charlie, unable to contain himself any longer, threw the door open wide. "Welcome home, kid," he shouted, happy to see her. "How was Jacksonville?"

"Moist. And buggy."

"So Renee didn't sell you on the University of Florida?" Not that he'd hoped for that. It was too far away, in his opinion.

"She tried," Bella replied. "But I'd rather drink water than inhale it." I laughed silently. Good one.

Charlie's mood worsened slightly, when he felt that he had to address me. "Did you have a nice time?"

"Yes," I answered, my voice even and polite. "Renee was very hospitable."

"That's... um, good. I'm glad you had fun." I was surprised that he nearly meant what he said. He turned away from me, and caught Bella up in a hug. "Impressive," she whispered in his ear. I suppressed a laugh.

Charlie didn't. His laughter was loud and roared through the hall. "I really missed you, Bells. The food around here sucks when you're gone."

"I'll get on it," she teased him.

"Would you call Jacob first? He's been bugging me every five minutes since six o'clock this morning. I promised I'd have you call him before you even unpacked." My face went cold, the tension spreading through my body. I was motionless. How would Bella react to the news?

"Jacob wants to talk to me?"

"Pretty bad, I'd say. He wouldn't tell me what it was about – just said it was important."

As if on cue, the phone rang. "That's him again, I'd bet my next paycheck."

"I got it," Bella said, and rushed to the kitchen. Charlie, satisfied at having successfully kept his promise to the dog, ambled off to the living room. I followed Bella. As much as I disliked to eavesdrop on her conversations, I wasn't about to miss _this_ phone call.

Bella answered the phone, and in the same motion, turned her body away from me. "Hello?"

Hmm. She was intentionally preventing me from watching her face while she talked to the mongrel. I didn't appreciate that.

"You're back," Jacob Black profoundly stated the obvious.

"Yes," Bella answered.

"Why didn't you call me?" he demanded. I wanted to hurt him for his rudeness. How dare he speak to her like that?

Bella reacted to it as well. "Because I've been in the house for exactly four seconds, and your call interrupted Charlie telling me that you'd called."

"Oh, sorry." Perhaps the mutt had some manners after all.

"Sure. Now, why are you harassing Charlie?"

"I need to talk to you." I began to wonder about his intelligence. He was, again, stating the obvious.

So did Bella, apparently. "Yeah, I figured out that part all by myself. Go ahead."

Unfortunately, I was unable to hear his thoughts since he was on the phone. There was a beat of silence, then he found his voice. "You going to school tomorrow?"

Bella sounded surprised. "Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"I dunno. Just curious." I was seriously questioning his intellect at this point. Was this ridiculous conversation what he'd been badgering Charlie for?

More silence. "So, what did you want to talk about, Jake?" Bella asked.

Again, silence. I was starting to get impatient. "Nothing, really, I guess. I... wanted to hear your voice."

"Yeah, I know. I'm _so_ glad you called me, Jake. I..." Bella broke off in mid-sentence. I wondered why. Was it because I was in the kitchen, listening? Was there something she couldn't, or wouldn't, say in front of me? The green-eyed monster jeered in my head.

"I have to go," Jacob Black said, rather abruptly.

Bella's voice was incredulous. "What?"

I was mystified. What was wrong with the dog? He wasn't making any sense.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?" He didn't wait for her to answer.

"But, Jake..."

Dial tone. He'd hung up on her. "That was short," Bella muttered.

"Is everything alright?" I asked her, very careful to make my face smooth before she turned around.

"I don't know," Bella faced me. "I wonder what that was about."

I tried to force a smile. "Your guess is probably better than mine."

"Mmm," she mumbled and fell silent. Though I knew she liked it better this way, I wished, yet again, fervently, that I could simply _hear_ her. I had no idea what the phone call meant, no idea what the dog had hoped to accomplish. It didn't make any sense at all for him to keep calling until he finally got her on the phone, and then to make it so short and meaningless. I leaned against the kitchen counter, trying furiously to figure out Jacob Black's motives.

Bella had started to cook dinner. She had grabbed something from the freezer, hamburgers from the looks of them, and was about to turn around, when she suddenly froze in the middle of the kitchen.

The icy package slid through her fingers, but I caught it before it could hit the floor, and lobbed it onto the counter. A tenth of a second later, I wrapped her in my arms, and whispered in her ear. "What's wrong?"

Bella shook her head, a dazed look on her face. She didn't respond.

Anxiety. What was wrong? What had stunned her into this silence? I waited for a moment, then gently shook her shoulder. "Bella?"

"I think... I think he was checking," she finally mumbled. "Checking to make sure. That I'm human, I mean."

My breath escaped in a hiss, and I stiffened. It made sense. We'd been gone for three days. Three days were enough.

Bella's transformation would break the treaty. We'd realized this from the moment Carlisle agreed to change her, not knowing what reaction from the pack the breach would provoke. I had meant to keep this truth from Bella for as long as I possibly could, but now, thanks to the dog's call, Bella knew, too. "We'll have to leave," she whispered, her face drawn. "Before. So it doesn't break the treaty. We won't ever be able to come back."

I tightened my embrace. "I know," I whispered back. I was so caught up in her pain, that I missed Charlie coming into the kitchen.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat. Bella started, blushing, and slipped out of my arms.

I leaned back against the counter, angered and worried. What could I do to make this easier for her?

"If you don't want to make dinner, I can call for a pizza," Charlie said. He was hungry.

"No, that's okay. I'm already started."

"Okay," Charlie said. "_I'll just stay here, then, if you two don't mind._" He leaned against the door frame and folded his arms. Bella sighed.

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully. I excused myself around nine-thirty. Bella walked me to the door, and I kissed her gently before driving home.

I quickly discussed with Carlisle what had transpired, and received an earful from Rosalie about the incident from the previous night. Her face was contorted with fury, but since that was nothing new, I ignored her. All that mattered was Bella's safety. Who cared about Rosalie's opinion?

After I'd changed, I went for a short hunt, staying close to home, before running back to Bella's house to climb through her window, and settling silently beside her for the night. Her incomparable scent engulfed me, and when it scorched my throat, I felt at peace.

I should have known better.

Morning.

I had picked up Bella for school again. We were laughing about something silly Mike Newton had said the day before. As I was pulling into the parking lot, when I heard the thoughts. Jacob Black was waiting for me. At school. My hands clenched on the steering wheel. My muscles tensed. He wanted to talk to me. To _warn_ me, actually. About what happened in the woods on Saturday night. And he chose the school parking lot because he thought he would be safe here. Where it most likely wouldn't turn into a fight. His thoughts were bitter, hateful. "_Let's see what you have to say for yourself, you filthy bloodsucker_."

How to keep Bella out of it? If she heard what he came to tell me, she'd know that Victoria had come back. Maybe she'd stay in the car if I asked her to? Probably not, but I had nothing else.

I tried to keep my voice smooth. "If I asked you to do something, would you trust me?"

I could hear her heart beat speed up. She'd heard the anxiety in my voice. "That depends," she answered.

"I was afraid you would say that."

"What do you want me to do, Edward?"

"I want you to stay in the car." I drove into my usual spot, and shut off the engine. "I want you to wait here until I come back for you."

Jacob was leaning against his motorcycle, parked on the sidewalk leading up to the school entrance.

"But... _why_?"

Bella looked out the windshield and saw the reason for my anxiety. "Oh."

I looked at her. "You jumped to the wrong conclusion last night. He asked about school, because he knew I would be where you were. He was looking for a safe place to talk to me. A place with witnesses."

"I'm not staying in the car."

I groaned, defeated. "Of course not. Well, let's get it over with." Perhaps I would be able to prevent him from telling Bella.

His scent assaulted my nose. I stopped a few yards from him, and drew Bella half-way behind me. It made me nervous to have her so close to him, and I hoped he would be able to control himself. I could only imagine the shock and fear on the faces that were watching us now, were he to shift into a giant wolf.

My voice was hard. "You could have called us."

"Sorry," Jacob Black sneered. "I don't have any leeches on speed dial." "_Ugh, the stink is puke-inducing_."

Likewise. "You could have reached me at Bella's house, of course," I replied, allowing just a little sarcasm to slip through. He didn't like that answer too much. "This is hardly the place, Jacob. Could we discuss this later?"

"Sure, sure. I'll stop by your crypt after school." "_What's wrong with now? This is as good a place as any._"

I let my eyes move around pointedly. People were starting to stare, stopping in their tracks, and their minds were already beginning to form the excitement of a possible fight.

"I already know what you came to say," I said in a cold voice, very low, so we wouldn't be overheard. "Message delivered. Consider us warned."

He heard me, but had Bella? I threw a worried glance at her. Had she understood? If so, had I been cryptic enough?

"Warned?" she asked. "What are you talking about?" No, not enough.

"You didn't tell her?" he asked in disbelief. "What, were you afraid she'd take our side?"

"Please drop it, Jacob," I said, straining to make my voice even. It was very hard. I wanted to strangle him, but couldn't. He had chosen the place well. Too many witnesses. I had to keep my cool.

"Why?" The dog just couldn't keep his mouth shut, could he?

"What don't I know? Edward?"

I didn't answer her, viciously glaring at him instead. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

"Jake?" Bella turned to him.

He raised an eyebrow. "He didn't tell you that his big... brother crossed the line Saturday night?" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. His eyes flickered back to me, his anger breaking through. "Paul was totally justified in..."

"It was no-man's land," I interrupted him with a hiss. Shut up!

"Was not!"

Jacob Black was furious, and the tremors started to roll down his arms. He drew in a deep breath, and tried to control the trembling, succeeding after a few seconds.

"Emmett and Paul?" Bella whispered, her voice straining. "What happened? Were they fighting? Why? Did Paul get hurt?"

I tried to calm her. This was exactly what I'd been worried about. "No one fought. No one got hurt," I said soothingly. "Don't be anxious."

The mongrel was staring at us, quizzically. "You didn't tell her anything at all, did you? Is that why you took her away? So she wouldn't know that..."

"Leave now," I cut him off, glaring at him furiously. Vicious images raged inside me. I wanted to kill him in this moment. Very slowly. The human facade slipped from my face for an instant, before I remembered our audience, and regained control. I loathed him for doing what he'd just done, loathed his existence with a vengeance.

He just looked at me, unimpressed, and puzzled. "Why haven't you told her?"

I didn't respond. I returned his stare in silence for a long minute.

Bella began hyperventilating, trembling next to me. Damn it. She had figured it out. Damn the stinking mutt to the deepest pit in hell.

"She came back for me," she choked out. I pulled her tight to my side, and stroked her face with my hands. "It's fine," I whispered. "It's fine. I'll never let her get close to you, it's fine."

I glared back at Jacob Black. "Does that answer your question, mongrel?"

"You don't think Bella has a right to know?" he demanded. "It's her life."

I kept my voice low, aware of the thoughts around us. "Why should she be frightened when she was never in danger?"

"Better frightened than lied to."

Bella was crying, the tears spilling down her cheeks. I gently wiped them away.

"Do you really think hurting her is better than protecting her?" I asked him. Didn't he understand? I had wanted only to protect her – from pain, from worry, from harm. And this stupid mongrel was making my efforts meaningless. I'd lied to her, as he had pointed out, it was true – but I'd only meant to shield her from the awful truth. Victoria had returned, and once again, Bella was in danger.

"She's tougher than you think," he replied. "And she's been through worse."

"_I should know_."

I'd heard his last thought, but I was unprepared for his next move. I was suddenly burning. The picture Jacob Black conjured up in his mind made me cringe, my face contorting in pain. I felt sick to my core. The instant agony was unimaginable, the waves of excruciating pain lapping at me, threatening to pull me under. Breathing became an impossibility.

Jacob Black was thinking of Bella – the way she had looked when Sam Uley had found her in the forest, late at night, after I had so foolishly left her on that fateful afternoon. I had never seen these images before. Alice hadn't known. Not even Charlie. A scene from a nightmare. Worse than the worst nightmare. It was pure horror. It was pure hell.

Bella – curled up on the forest floor, motionless, her face pressed into the dirt and leaves on the ground, wet from the rain, her clothes disheveled. Her face was expressionless, her body slack in Sam Uley's arms. In Jacob's mind, I could hear the words she had mumbled, over and over. "_He's gone, he's gone_." I hadn't felt such complete and utter anguish since I'd thought she was dead. Only the fact that I could still feel her soft form in my arms was keeping me from drowning in the waves of the emotions that were washing over me.

"That's funny," Jacob laughed at the expression on my face. "_You like seeing what you did to her, you filthy parasite_?"

I winced, struggling to force the mental images into a deeper corner of my mind. I would never – _never_ – forgive myself for leaving her. Never. It was my eternal punishment to see this, see the extent of what I'd done to Bella. My infallible mind would not forget. I loathed myself. I wasn't good enough for her. I never would be.

The picture slowly faded from his consciousness. With much effort, I was able to compose my face.

"What are you doing to him?" Bella demanded.

"It's nothing," I told her gently. "Jacob just has a good memory, that's all." I would never reveal to her what I'd just seen.

He grinned, and in his mind, Bella's face was visible again, drawn in pain. Her arms were folded around her chest, like she was trying to hold herself together. It was the first day she'd gone to Jacob's house. It had been already over four months, since I'd left. Though I had seen this Bella once before, in Charlie's memories, I couldn't suppress a grimace. I had hurt her so terribly, so inexcusably. She had looked that way because of _me_. I couldn't even be angry with him for showing this to me. I deserved to see it, deserved to clearly _see_ what I had done to her.

"Stop it. Whatever you're doing." Bella was nearly shouting.

"Sure, if you want." He shrugged at her words. "It's his own fault if he doesn't like the things I remember, though." The picture went away. My pain dissipated, slowly, but it would never completely end. What I'd done to Bella was unforgivable.

Bella glared at him. He smiled back at her, mischievously. I heard Mr. Greene.

"The principal is on his way to discourage loitering on school property," I said. "Let's get to English, Bella, so you're not involved."

"Overprotective, isn't he?" Jacob Black jeeringly said to Bella. "A little trouble makes life fun. Let me guess, you're not allowed to have fun, are you?"

I glowered at him, a building snarl curling back my lips instinctively.

"Shut up, Jake."

He laughed. "That sounds like a _no_. Hey, if you ever feel like having a life again, come see me. I've still got your motorcycle in my garage."

"You were supposed to sell that," Bella reminded him. "You promised Charlie you would."

"Yeah, right. Like I would do that. It belongs to you, not me. Anyway, I'll hold on to it until you want it back." Jacob was smiling a little, thinking back.

I didn't like hearing this. I didn't want Bella on a motorcycle – too dangerous.

"Jake..."

He leaned towards her, and I tensed. He seemed in control of himself, but I didn't want him so close. My jealousy of him, and the urgent need to protect Bella at all cost formed a twisted connection inside me, and I stood motionless, with my arms around her, ready to yank her out of the way at a moment's notice. Mr. Greene was getting closer. This little meeting needed to end.

"I think I might have been wrong before, you know, about not being able to be friends. Maybe we could manage it, on my side of the line. Come see me."

I made my face calm, but on the inside the war of emotions was raging around me. I had to force myself to keep breathing in and out, as I waited for Bella to answer him.

"I, er, don't know about that, Jake."

"I miss you every day, Bella. It's not the same without you."

"I know, and I'm sorry, Jake, I just..." Bella's voice trailed off.

Jacob shook his head and sighed. "I know. Doesn't matter, right? I guess I'll survive or something. Who needs friends?" he said, grimacing. Her indecision, her rejection was hurting him, though he tried not to show it.

I understood his pain, because I knew that he did love her. Not the same way as I loved her, of course – that kind of all-encompassing love was certainly beyond him. But love her, he did. He, too, wanted whatever was best for _her_. Though our opinions on what Bella needed often differed, there was also some common ground. And, for this, in this one moment, I couldn't hate him. I regretted that the suffered so. I was absolutely terrified of losing Bella, one way or another, but the malicious hag with the green eyes was quiet. For now.

"Okay, get to class. Move along, Mr. Crowley." The principal's stern voice sounded behind us.

"Get to school, Jake," Bella whispered.

"I mean it. Detention for anyone who's still standing here when I turn around." Mr. Greene was pushing his way through the crowd, but they disappeared quickly at his threat. He was staring at Jacob, but didn't recognize him. His brows were furrowed in confusion and anger when he turned to me.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen. Do we have a problem here?"

"Not at all, Mr. Greene. We were just on our way to class," I assured him, making my voice sound completely at ease.

He turned to Jacob, assessing him immediately as a trouble maker. I suppressed a grin. Mr. Greene instructed him to leave, and for once, Jacob complied, though he snapped a salute, before climbing on his motorcycle and squealing out of the parking lot at too high a speed. I continued to defuse the situation, assuring Mr. Greene that all was well. He believed me, grudgingly. I pulled Bella towards the school. "Do you feel well enough to go to class?" I whispered.

"Yes," she whispered back.

Mr. Berty was reciting a Frost poem, when we arrived, but only glowered at our late entrance, refusing to let the interruption distract him.

As soon as we sat down, Bella starting scribbling furiously on a piece of paper.

**What happened? Tell me everything! And screw the protecting me crap, please.**

She shoved the paper towards me. I sighed, but took it to write out a response, and slipped the page back to her.

**Alice saw that Victoria was coming back. I took you out of town merely as a precaution - there was never a chance that she would gave gotten anywhere close to you. Emmett and Jasper very nearly had her, but Victoria seems to have some instinct for evasion. She escaped right down the Quileute boundary line as if she were reading it from a map. It didn't help that Alice's abilities were nullified by the Quileutes' involvement. To be fair, the Quileutes might have had her, too, if we hadn't gotten in the way. The big gray one thought Emmett was over the line, and he got defensive. Of course, Rosalie reacted to that, and everyone left the chase to protect their companions. Carlisle and Jasper got things calmed down before it got out of hand, but by then, Victoria had slipped away.**

Bella shuddered, reading my reply. Then she scribbled again.

**What about Charlie? She could have been after him.**

I shook my head, and held out my hand for the scrap of paper. She ignored me.

**You can't know that she wasn't thinking that, because you weren't here. Florida was a bad idea. **

I pulled the paper out from under her fingers. An opportunity to channel her thoughts down a different path had just occurred to me.

**I wasn't about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would survive.**

Her brows furrowed, she didn't like that allusion. Like I'd known she wouldn't.

**So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?**

I suppressed a smile. The distraction was working, at least at the moment.

**Why is the plane crashing?**

**The pilots are passed out drunk.**

**Easy. I'd fly the plane.**

She tried again.

**Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward the earth. **

Good one, but not difficult enough for me.

**I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.**

Bella stared at me silently.

"What?" I whispered.

"Nothing," she mouthed back. She erased the plane crash theories, and wrote one more line.

**You will tell me next time.**

Bella was right. There would be a next time, and I'd have to tell her. After my recent failure to prevent her from finding out, she'd be even more suspicious if I tried anything like this again. All I would be able to do going forward was to not let her out of my sight. I stared into her eyes. Her face was white, the tears still clinging to her eyelashes. With a sigh, I nodded once. Yes, I would tell her. I no longer had another option.

**Thanks.**

"_What are they scribbling over there_?" Our silent conversation had come to Mr. Berty's attention. I was ripping the paper out from under Bella's hand, crumbling it up and shoving it into my pocket before he could finish the thought. He was walking over to our table. "Is that something you'd like to share, Mr. Cullen?"

I looked up at him, my face a portrait of innocence, and held out a piece of paper. "My notes?" I asked him.

The silly little man actually read them, and then handed the paper back to me. He turned and walked away, frowning. "_I could have sworn..._" I tuned him out.

Yet another of my plans had failed. I wondered if there was something I wasn't considering, possibilities I wasn't seeing, or ignoring. I didn't like to admit it, but I knew I had the propensity, sometimes, to be a little... arrogant in my assumptions. Was that perhaps why it was all going so terribly awry? Could it be that I _didn't _know what was best for her? What if my assumptions were wrong?

I'd lied to Bella, kept things from her, all with the intent to keep her safe. My personal road to hell was paved with my good intentions, or so the saying went. It seemed that I needed to veer off the beaten path. So, I resolved that going forward, I'd tell her the truth, if at all possible. Perhaps not necessarily the whole truth, but the truth it would be. I would still do whatever it took to keep her protected, and as safeguarded as I could, but I didn't want to lie to her anymore.

But no matter what, she'd still not be going to visit the dog.


	4. Mutiny

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, to understand what makes him tick. Any and all comments are welcome.

This 4th Chapter is called "Mutiny". It is based on chapters 4, 5 and part of 6 in Eclipse. Bella has run off to see Jacob, while Edward is out of town. The chapter deals primarily with Edward finding out about her visit to La Push, rushing back home, and basically, going ballistic. He wants to go after her. He is terrified for her safety, and angry at her rebellious actions. He's jealous, too, though he doesn't like to admit that to himself. Eventually, Bella returns home. They fight. They make up. And then Edward, out of desperation, feeling backed into a corner by her actions, chooses to deceive Bella, planning to hold her hostage the next time (and every time) he leaves town again. The fallout from this choice, which I will handle in the next chapter, will cost them both dearly, and hurt them tremendously.

I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions for Edward as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! Also, while Bella's emotions are clearly described in the books (as she lives them), because Edward can't hear her mind, I have in some rare instances chosen to change the emotions to what I thought he might perceive. I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

**Disclaimer:** Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing these books. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for reading.

**4. Mutiny**

Evening.

I had taken Bella to my house, after her dinner with Charlie. She was still upset and very scared about Victoria's return, and was currently trying to convince us to forgo the graduation deadline and make the change now. Her argument, that it was just to dangerous for her to remain human, was not swaying anyone, least of all me. She had already tried with me, Monday night, after our little... meeting with Jacob on school grounds.

"We shouldn't wait any longer, Edward. You should do it now. The sooner, the better."

"That's between you and Carlisle," I had answered her, and smiled. "Of course, you know that I'm willing to make it between you and me at any time that you wish. You know my condition." My smile had grown wider at her groan. And damn it, I wanted her to take me up on that offer. I _wanted_ her to marry me. The nagging voice in my head had laughed at me. "_Perhaps it's just immortality she wants, and not you, after all._" But so far, my condition had delayed Bella's conversion. That had to count for something. A year or two of college, perhaps. Human experiences. I wanted her to have those options.

Bella was sitting on the couch in the front room, between Carlisle, Esme and me. Emmett and Rosalie were lounging in the chairs, and Alice had folded herself in front of us. Jasper, keeping his usual distance as a precaution, stood off to the side, looking out the window. He was thinking about our upcoming hunting trip.

"Someone like me shouldn't be human," Bella said. "It's too dangerous."

"Bella," Carlisle assured her. "There are seven of us. And with Alice on our side, I don't think Victoria's going to catch us off guard. I think it's important, for Charlie's sake, that we stick with the original plan."

"But I feel so silly. Like I'm just sitting around, waiting for the next disaster."

"We'd never allow anything to happen to you, Sweetheart," Esme told her, and kissed her forehead. "You know that. Please don't be anxious."

Emmett was laughing. "I'm really glad Edward didn't kill you. Everything's so much more fun with you around."

Rosalie glared at him furiously. "_Fun? You think it was fun, being so close to those stinking dogs this past weekend? I took me hours to get the stench out of my hair._"

Bella tried again. "But..."

Alice rolled her eyes. "I'm offended. You're not honestly _worried_ about this, are you?"

"If it's no big deal, then why did Edward drag me to Florida?"

Alice laughed. "Haven't you noticed yet, Bella, that Edward is just the teeniest bit prone to overreaction?" I flicked my foot at her, but she neatly scooted out of the way, and stuck her tongue out at me. I grinned. Annoying little fortune teller.

Yes – my exceptional plan to take Bella to Jacksonville, under the premise of visiting her mother, and in hopes of keeping Victoria's return from her knowledge, had brilliantly blown up in my face. Perhaps it had been an overreaction. Bella had found out anyway, thanks to Jacob Black, and was now sitting here, trying to convince the seven vampires around her to make her one of us. It was almost laughable. Almost.

"It's fine, Bella," I said. "Please, don't worry about Victoria. She won't get through to you, I promise. Just go about your days as usual, and try to forget about her. It's fine, really."

Alice shot a look at Jasper, and her other half got the hint. Bella's racing heartbeat slowed down, and we were able to convince her to wait. Naturally, her calm wore off on the way home.

I kissed her quickly before she climbed out of the car. "I'll be back soon," I told her. I watched her walk into the house, and drove back home.

Emmett, Jasper and I were going on a hunting trip near Mount Rainier. We'd leave early Saturday morning, and be home by Sunday. I was a little nervous about leaving Bella alone overnight, but Alice had not seen anything out of the ordinary for this weekend. I was thoroughly bored with the easy prey that I'd been hunting in the forests near home, but I had initially wavered on whether I would go with them or not. Bella made the decision for me. Her insistence that I go with my brothers had been very firm. I knew it was still difficult for her, whenever I was gone for more than a few hours, and I continued to be in awe of the courage and inner strength she drew upon to let me leave.

I sang Bella to sleep Friday night, and as the sky was slowly getting lighter, I gently kissed her forehead, and left a love note on her pillow. I would be back soon, and I hoped she'd be too busy to miss me. I missed her already.

Bella was scheduled to work at Newton's Outdoor Equipment store, and had made plans with Angela Weber to address the enormous stack of graduation announcements I'd seen in Angela's head. And Alice was keeping her mind's eye on Bella, just in case. I was anxious and apprehensive about leaving Bella, but also looking forward to the hunt.

We'd gotten a late start, but were finally on the road. Emmett's radio was blaring country music, and he was singing along. Loudly. Roaringly. Jasper sat in the backseat of the Jeep, sticking his fingers in ears, a wide grin on his face. Though I missed Bella, I was enjoying my brothers' company, and was looking forward to a few mountain lions. It had been a long time since I had felt so very nearly carefree.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett interrupted his awful rendition of a popular country song. "I still can't believe you actually came. I almost can't remember the last time we all went on a trip together."

"It's been a while," I agreed.

"Well, I sure am glad you decided to tag along." "_Nothing like that old ball and chain to keep you locked up at home_."

Before he could blink, I'd knuckled his head. "Ow. " Emmett rubbed his skull. I neatly dodged his return punch. "No fair. Cheater."

Jasper laughed. "This'll be fun."

We kept laughing and joking. Emmett was speeding down the highway, and we were close to our destination when my phone buzzed. I snatched it from my pocket, registering the Caller ID, and hit the send button.

"Alice? Is she all right?"

"Edward," Alice trilled into my ear, "I swear, I kept my eyes on her, and I saw her go into work, but Bella must have made a snap-decision. I didn't see it coming. When I saw what she was doing, it was too late to run after her. I lost her when she crossed the line. I think she's with the wolf because I can't see her anymore, and I can't see if she's coming home or when. Esme just called over at Newton's and, using a ruse, found out that Mrs. Newton sent Bella home. I didn't expect that, and I didn't see it either. I'm sorry, Edward, I'm so sorry."

Damn it! Bella wasn't where she was supposed to be. She'd gone to see Jacob Black. I was instantly furious. Panicking. Jealous. Terrified. I couldn't breathe. The pictures in my head came unbidden. I tried to erase them, but my mind was so overwhelmed by these emotions, I was shaking in my seat. How dare she endanger herself like that? Why did she want to see the dog so badly? What if something happened to her? My insides were frozen and burning, at the same time.

Both of my brothers were staring at me, Jasper squirming from the emotions he was experiencing through me. "Stop the car, Emmett," I snapped at him. What was taking so long? "Stop the car now!" My hand was already on the door handle, ready to burst out of the car.

"_Calm down, kid. Jeez._" The Jeep rolled onto the shoulder and shuddered to a halt.

"Edward, what do you want me to do?" Alice asked.

"There isn't much you can do at this moment," I told her. "I'm coming home right now."

"Well," Emmett said thoughtfully. "_Can't leave him alone. Who knows what he'll do_." He caught Jasper's eye in the rear view mirror. "You good for a few more days, Jazz?" Jasper understood the insinuation and nodded. "Yes, of course. Let's go." I threw a glance at him.

"Don't do anything stupid, Edward. You know I'll see if you do." I ignored the comment.

"I'll see you soon, Alice. Call me if you see any changes." I snapped the phone shut.

I grimly looked at Emmett. "Hit the gas. And... thanks."

"Any time."

He turned the Jeep around, and started racing home. We were no longer laughing. The fun was over.

Jasper was trying his best to calm me down, and though I could feel the soothing waves swirl around me, my fury and terror at this... this betrayal was so overpowering, they bounced off me. I knew the uncontrollable torrent of my emotions affected him, too. For a second I felt sorry for him, but the moment passed.

I couldn't think straight, my mind racing in circles, imaging the worst possible outcomes. The dog losing his temper, with Bella standing too close. Bella crying out in pain, her bones broken. Bella, mauled, deep, bleeding gashes running through her skin where the claws raked down her body. Bella, lifeless. Bella, dead. The terrifying possibilities were tormenting me, cruelly clawing at my insides. My breathing turned to shallow gasps. The road flew away under the tires. Alice didn't call again.

The minutes ticked by slowly. We finally got home. It felt much longer than it had actually taken us.

I didn't wait for the Jeep to come to a full stop before I jumped out, racing for my car in the garage. I could see Emmett and Jasper stare after me, then glancing at each other. Both of them turned around and headed for the forest.

The engine growled to life. I peeled around the Jeep, and tore down the long drive, hitting the highway without slowing down.

My phone buzzed. I snatched it to my ear. "Can you see her?"

"No, that's not why... ," Alice replied, but I didn't wait for a full answer. 'No' was enough.

"Then what do you want?"

"Stop your car right now! I saw where you're going. Turn around, Edward! Do it!"

"No! I am going to get her, Alice. I have to make sure she's okay."

"Edward, you've got to be reasonable. You can't just drive down there. You know that." I heard her calling for Carlisle. I wasn't far from the line, when I saw Emmett and Jasper on the road, standing in the middle of the highway. I increased my speed. I would blow right through them if I had to. I wasn't sure how the car would fare, but it wouldn't matter. I'd run the rest of the way if I had to.

"Alice, I can't just wait for her to come home. What if she doesn't? I have to go get her. It's not safe. She's not safe."

"Edward," Carlisle's calm voice came through the phone. "Edward, listen to me. We all fear for Bella's safety, and she's exhibiting very irresponsible behavior, but you know very well what will happen if you cross into their lands. We can't let you do that."

I was silent. He was right, of course. If I continued on this mission, it would affect them all. It would start a fight, a war. I reluctantly took my foot of the gas pedal, and the car slowed.

"Now, let's look at all this logically," Carlisle continued. "Come back home, and we'll try to find another way to make sure Bella is all right."

"There is no other way," I said dejectedly. I was trapped in a nightmare, in a personal hell. There was nothing I could do, to make sure the girl I loved was safe. She had outmaneuvered me. The car slowly rolled to a stop in the grass on the side of the road. Emmett stood with his foot on my bumper, his arms folded over his chest. Grinning and glaring at the same time. "_Nice try, my brother_._ You're losing it, man. Get a grip._"

"There is always another option," Carlisle tried again. "Alice saw that Bella was on the highway to La Push when she lost sight of her. She's going to be okay, Edward, you have to believe that."

"But what about Victoria? What if she shows up on Quileute land?"

"In the middle of the day? Rather unlikely, I would think. How could she even know that Bella is actually there? And Alice already checked on Victoria again. She's nowhere near Forks, or La Push. Besides, do you really think Jacob Black or the rest of the pack would let her get through to Bella? Even if she tried?"

He was right, again. My panic was making me act irrationally. In my many years with him, I had learned to trust Carlisle. Rely on him to help me when I was faced with a problem I couldn't solve on my own. Carlisle would know what to do.

"Okay," I said bleakly. "You're right. I'm coming home." I ended the call.

With a heavy sigh, I threw a look at my brothers, and turned the car around, driving back to the house. Emmett and Jasper beat me there.

My family was waiting for me on the porch outside, their faces concerned, empathetic, worried. Even Rosalie's, for a change.

I let the car roll to a stop, but stayed in my seat, unmoving, staring at nothing. Carlisle opened the door and pulled me out. "Come inside," he said. Esme threw her arms around me, as we walked up the steps. As if through a fog, I heard Emmett turn off the car.

They walked me to the couch, and made me sit down. I slumped forward, desolately burying my face in my hands. I felt broken. Defeated. Deceived.

For a long while, nobody spoke. Esme soothingly rubbed my back. Thoughts of sympathy and worry were floating around me, but I was unable to focus on them.

Carlisle cleared his throat. I didn't look up. "Let's look at this rationally. We know where Bella was going, when Alice lost sight of her. Chances are very good that she made it down there without incident. We can be nearly certain that Victoria is not a problem, either. I understand that you are worried about Bella's safety, as we all are, but you cannot go running after her. You _know_ that." I didn't respond.

"Edward, listen to me," Alice said. "I promise you – Victoria is not an issue. Not today."

"But she's still not _safe_, Alice," I choked out. "She's not safe. Not while she's near that dog. He could hurt her, kill her, without meaning to. And I have no way to make sure that she's all right. Unhurt. Alive. Not knowing is killing me. I can't lose her, Alice, I can't. I almost lost her once. I can't go through that again. Don't you understand?"

"We know that, Edward. She's acted very recklessly today. But Jacob Black knows that he's dangerous to her, don't you think? Bella used to spend a lot of time there before... before we returned. He has never hurt her."

Carlisle spoke again. "Edward, I think Alice is right. We'll just have to be patient. You said Bella had plans with a friend from school after work. Look at the time. I'm sure she'll be on her way soon." I raised my face to him, suddenly a tiny bit hopeful.

This was true. The clouds on my mind lifted. Reason slowly returned. Bella wouldn't stand up her friend, wouldn't break a commitment she'd made. I could wait for her. Wait for her to leave La Push. It would be a terrifying wait, but I felt a little better, thinking in that direction. A very little.

I jumped off the couch. Emmett and Jasper instantly moved towards me, ready to grab me if I tried to make a run for it. I held up my hands, palms facing out.

"It's okay, guys." I looked at the faces of my family. "You are right, of course. I'm sorry I lost it for a moment." I turned to Carlisle. "Thank you."

Jasper was testing my mood and slowly relaxed. Alice was assuring him with her eyes, and I caught a glimpse of what she'd just seen. I'd been sitting in my car, waiting in the mouth of a dirt road, off the highway to La Push.

"I'm going for a drive," I told them. "I'll see you later." Outside, I jumped back into my car, sped down the driveway, and pulled onto the road.

Once I was close enough to the Quileute line, I reversed my car into an intersecting gravel road, leaving the engine running. I kept my eyes on the road, counting the seconds. A flash of light caught my eye. It didn't take very long for Bella's dilapidated truck to appear on the highway, the sunlight bouncing off her windshield. I peeled out of the drive as soon as she passed my hiding spot, the gravel spitting up behind me. Now that I could see that she was all right, fury reigned supreme.

Her eyes glanced up at her mirror and scanned the road behind her. She spotted me, and I could see her flinch. Her mouth formed the words 'Oh crap'. Indeed. I angrily glared at her face in her rear view mirror, but she wouldn't meet my eyes again. She didn't stop the truck. It was probably a good move on her part, because in my current frame of mind, running from her extremely angry vampire boyfriend was in her best interest. Not that I would hurt her, of course, but I wouldn't be able to keep the volume down. And yelling at her by the side of the road was not a good idea.

I stuck close to her bumper, willing her to look at me, but she refused to take her eyes off the road ahead. Wouldn't even look at me. Fine. Two could play that game.

I was certain she knew _exactly_ why I was here, and how I would feel about what she had done. I followed Bella all the way to Angela's house, staying only inches from her truck, until she pulled up to the curb and stopped. I didn't wait for her to get out of the car. I shot her once last furious glare, and hit the gas. Let her come home.

I dropped off the car at home, quickly relaying the news to my family. Carlisle smiled at me. "I'm glad she's fine. Try to forgive her." Right. Okay. I'd work on that.

I flew through the forest, all the way to Bella's house. Silently scaling up the side of the house, I entered her bedroom through the open window. The house felt empty, devoid of warmth without Bella in it. The small room was saturated with her scent, and the flames licked at my throat. I ignored my dessicated mouth and focused. I paced back and forth, organizing my thoughts, plotting my next moves.

I was thirsty. Too thirsty, perhaps. The quick trips to the surrounding forests, and the easy prey, had worked for a long while, but by now, I needed something more substantial. I would have to leave Bella again, at some point soon, to hunt. Emmett and Jasper had already been talking about next weekend, and Carlisle and Alice were planning to go with them. A wildlife reserve in northern California had reported an overabundance of mountain lions. If I accompanied them – and I should – that would leave only Esme and Rosalie to watch over Bella. Hmm. Not a comforting idea. There was a good chance, with me out of town, that Bella would try this little stunt again. I couldn't let that happen.

Alice had been begging for more girl time with Bella. But if I'd ask her to stay behind, to hold Bella hostage while I was gone, would Alice do that for me? Forgo the trip, and hunt close to home? Or, instead, think me an overprotective fool and refuse? Alice felt the same way about the wolves; we all did. They were dangerous, volatile, not to be trusted. She _had _been asking about the Porsche I'd promised her for Christmas. I wondered if a bribe would turn her decision in my favor. And maybe, if the payoff was this grand, it would count for every time I'd be gone. Esme would do whatever I asked, I was fairly certain of that. She wouldn't like it my plan, but she'd acquiesce to it. I wasn't too worried about Rosalie, and her opinions on the subject didn't matter much to me, anyway.

"_Devious_!" A small voice shouted from a deep corner of my mind. "_Bad idea_! _D__on't do it_!" I ignored it.

Bella's defiance had struck me deeply, all the way down to my core. She _knew_ how I felt about her being near the wolves. I had asked her, many times, not to do anything dangerous. Asked her to keep herself out of harm's way. She _knew _that her safety was my first priority. And despite it all, she had chosen to defy me. Be reckless. Didn't seem to care that the ensuing anxiety would drive me nearly insane. Didn't seem to care at all.

This was mutiny, plain and simple.

And my jealousy had nothing to do with it.

I heard Charlie return home, and the sounds of the TV floated up to Bella's room. He'd spent the morning fishing, and was in a happy mood. He'd already talked to Billy Black, and knew where Bella had been. I heard him fix his lunch. It didn't take him long to eat, and after he'd cleaned up, he went back to the TV. I heard his snores for while.

Eventually, I heard Bella's ancient truck rumble up the street. The noise woke Charlie up. I listened to the sound of her footfalls on the sidewalk, heard her open the front door.

"Bella?" Charlie called out from the living room.

"Hey, Dad," she said. She moved into the living room, and I was finally able to see her through Charlie's eyes. She looked a little... apprehensive. As she should be.

"So, how was your day?" her father asked.

"Good," Bella answered. "They didn't need me at work, so I went down to La Push."

"How's Jacob?" Charlie kept on, trying to sound entirely indifferent, but unable to suppress a small smile. He was very satisfied that Bella was sticking to the conditions he had set when he lifted his restrictions.

"Good," Bella said, her face casual. Perhaps too casual. I clenched my teeth.

"You get over to the Webers'?"

"Yep. We got all her announcements addressed."

"That's nice." Charlie's smile was wide now. "I'm glad you spent some time with your friends today."

"_Instead of _him_ all the time_," he tacked on in his mind. Our relationship was still very strained.

"Me, too," Bella said in agreement.

She turned away from Charlie, cutting off my access to her facial expressions. I heard the echo of her steps in the kitchen, but she didn't stay in there for long.

"I'm going to study," she told Charlie from the hallway. She was moving up the stairs. I stood motionless, in the shadow beside the window, my face hard, every muscle tensed.

"See you later," Charlie called after her, and turned his attention back to the game.

The bedroom door opened slowly, and Bella stepped in. She shut the door just as slowly, before turning around to look at me.

Relief. Fury. Love. Jealousy. The warring emotions made it hard to breathe. I glared at her, entirely unable to speak. A red haze surrounded my field of vision.

Bella cringed when she saw me. My face felt like ice.

"Hi," she said. I couldn't find my voice. The seconds ticked by. Relief and love were racing against jealousy and fury.

"Er.... so, I'm still alive."

At that, a growl built, deep in my chest, and I couldn't fight it back. It felt near blasphemy to growl at her. Self-loathing joined the warring emotions.

"No harm done," she shrugged.

My brain was hurting from the fighting inside me. I closed my eyes, and pinched the bridge of my nose, wondering absently if vampires were able to get migraines. I located my voice. It wouldn't work above a whisper.

"Bella," I breathed. "Do you have _any _idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?"

Bella gasped. I opened my eyes. Inside, the war raged on.

"You can't!" she almost shouted before lowering her voice. "Edward, they'd use any excuse to start a fight. They'd love that. You can't ever break the rules!"

The violent feelings rejoiced. A fight was just what I needed at this moment. An outlet for the violence I was feeling. "Maybe they aren't the only ones who would enjoy a fight."

"Don't you start," Bella snapped at me. "You made the treaty – you stick to it."

Love moved a step ahead. The agonizing images returned. Bella – hurt, broken, dead. "If he'd hurt you...," I started, but she cut me off.

"Enough," she hissed. "There's nothing to worry about. Jacob isn't dangerous."

"Bella." I rolled my eyes. "You aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous." I didn't have to look into a mirror to know that.

"I know I don't have to worry about Jake. And neither do you."

My teeth snapped together. Jealousy was gaining ground, and my hands clenched into fists. I could smell the dog's fetid stench coming off her clothes. It offended my nose.

Bella took a deep breath and crossed the room. Her soft arms wrapped around my waist, and pressed herself against me. "I'm sorry I made you anxious," she mumbled into my chest.

Her scent engulfed me. My throat burst into flames. Her warmth unfroze my rigid posture. Relief subdued the fire. Love raced ahead.

I wound my arms around her, and sighed. "Anxious is a bit of an understatement," I murmured. "It was a very long day."

"You weren't supposed to know about it," she said. "I thought you'd be hunting longer."

She looked up at me, and the realization washed over her face. My eyes were black from thirst. Bella frowned at me.

"I came back when Alice called."

"You shouldn't have done that. " The frown deepened. "Now you'll have to go away again." She didn't like that idea any more than I did. If that was what she needed...

"I can wait," I told her.

"That's ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn't see me with Jacob, but you should have known..."

"But I didn't," I snapped at her. "And you can't expect me to let you..."

"Oh, yes I can," she interrupted me."That's exactly what I expect..."

"This won't happen again," I cut her off, the fury racing past the rest of my emotions.

"That's right," Bella glared at me. "Because you're not going to overreact next time."

"Because there won't be a next time," I contradicted her firmly, returning the glare.

"I understand when you have to leave, even if I don't like it..."

"That's not the same," I volleyed back. "I'm not risking my life."

"Neither am I."

"Werewolves constitute a risk."

"I disagree."

Ugh. Her innate obstinacy was feeding my anger. "I'm not negotiating this, Bella."

"Neither am I."

The violent fury needed an outlet. I wanted to break something. Badly. Rip out a few trees. Smash a boulder into fragments. But this was Bella in my arms, so I clenched my hands instead.

"Is this really just about my safety?" Bella asked. What did _that_ mean? Had I not been clear enough on this issue? What else would it be? The dog was dangerous, a risk too high to take.

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

"You aren't...," Bella hesitated. "I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?"

Perhaps. Perhaps not. I raised one eyebrow. "Do I?"

"Be serious."

"Easily," I retorted. "There's nothing remotely humorous about this."

Bella frowned, suspicion on her face. "Or... is this something else altogether? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled..."

She had it all wrong. My eyes were sparking fire. "This is _only_ about you. All I care is that you're safe."

"Okay," Bella sighed. "I believe that. But I want you to know something – when it come to all this _enemies_ nonsense, I'm out. I'm a neutral country. I'm Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are... well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too."

I'd stopped consciously listening at 'love of my existence', though part of my brain heard the rest. Did she truly mean that? I stared at her, silent, my eyes narrowing as I studied her face for confirmation. My mind was still echoing those words. My dormant heart jubilated in my chest. Love crossed the finish line, leaving the other emotions behind.

"Switzerland," she emphasized. I frowned at that for a second, then sighed. Neutrality or not, the danger remained. But I was weary from the fight. I'd find another way to prevent her from going again. All I wanted to do in this moment was hold her in my arms, and for a little while, forget about everything else.

"Bella," I began, but she moved just slightly, and the dog's repulsive odor wafted up and assaulted my nose. Disgusting. Bella noticed my expression.

"What now?"

"Well... don't be offended, but you smell like a dog." I grinned at her, sheepishly.

"Oh," she said, surprised. "That's okay. I wanted to take a shower, anyway."

"I'll wait," I told her. She smiled up at me, and I was momentarily lost in the melted chocolate of her eyes. I pulled her close to me and kissed the tip of her nose. Her exquisite scent filled my nostrils. The fire burned. I really needed to hunt. I smiled. "Hurry back to me."

Love had won the war. For now.

I had a long conversation with my family that night, after leaving Bella's house. I laid out my new plan for them.

"Well, Bella is safe for now, thankfully," I said with a sigh. "I'll have to leave to hunt, and soon, but I can't leave Bella to her own devices, while I'm out of town. Especially not on a weekend."

"Of course not, Edward," Esme agreed. Alice nodded grimly. "Not after what happened today."

Carlisle was a step ahead. "It sounds like you already have something in mind."

"I do, but it's a little... underhanded, I suppose. If I went with you this weekend, well... I was thinking, that if Bella were to stay here, with Esme, Alice and Rosalie, while I'm gone, they'd be able to prevent her from going to La Push. We're only planning a two-day trip. If we left early, say Thursday afternoon, we could be back by this weekend."

"Er... Edward? "Alice said. "I've been kind of looking forward to this particular trip."

"I know," I told her. "But I was hoping you wouldn't mind... considering an alternative." I grinned at her.

"Oh." Her eyes glazed over. "_Okay_. I suppose I could hunt around here again, if that's what you had in mind for me." She'd seen the payoff I had intended for her.

"What about school?" Alice asked. Her eyes were unfocused for a second. "You want me to drive her. Pick her up from work, too. But I can already tell you that Bella isn't going to agree to this plan. I don't need a vision for that."

"I wasn't actually planning on disclosing this to Bella," I said. "I would much prefer telling her the truth, but I agree with you, Alice. She'd never go for it. This sleepover needs to be a... a surprise. I thought I'd tell her we'd leave Friday."

Alice grimaced. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Edward. You know Bella really hates surprises. And this isn't even a surprise. We'd be kidnapping her."

"That's very devious, Edward. Bella will be extremely angry with you. Are you sure this is the only way?" Esme cautioned. Her eyebrows were pulled together. I remembered the voice in my head. It had said the same.

"I know," I said, feeling very deceitful indeed. "But really, what other option is there? After today's events? She's not agreeing with my stance on things, and Bella can be very... determined, as you know. Just watching over her won't be enough. Someone has to be with her. At all times. If I can't be here, it has to be one of you."

"That's for sure," Emmett chimed in, grinning. "I like this plan."

Jasper nodded. "I think it's the best way."

"Alice, you'll have to come up with something to make this fun for Bella. Just don't go completely overboard. No leaving the country." I winked at her.

"Hilarious, Edward."

"Rosalie?" I turned to my other sister. She'd had the most difficulty accepting Bella, for various reasons. We exchanged a long look. She knew what I was alluding to. I didn't want her to make this any harder for Bella than it already would be.

"_You know how I feel. But I guess, it is safer for her here._" She hesitated. "I don't like it, but yes, I will be on my best behavior." There was something she wasn't letting me see, but I decided to let it go. Alice and Esme would keep her in check.

I turned to my father. "Carlisle?" I said. "Do you agree? Can you think of any other way?"

"I'm not happy about doing this, Edward," Carlisle said, "it is a very deceitful plan. Lying to the one you love is never a good option. But I have to agree with you. I don't see another option. It is in Bella's best interest to keep her away from the wolves." He breathed a heavy sigh. "Just be prepared for the consequences. You can be sure she'll be furious. I hope you also have plan to deal with that. "

I sighed, too. "Yes, I know. She'll have a fit when she realizes she's been kidnapped. I'm sorry about that, Alice. You'll likely bear the brunt of it. I'm hoping that by the time we return, she'll have calmed down a little. Perhaps."

"Good luck with that." Alice said. "Well, I suppose it's okay, if it keeps her safe. And you sane. And then, of course, we'd have to do this every time you leave, I guess. By the way - where is she going to sleep?"

I'd already thought of that. "My room," I replied. "I was thinking I should get a bed for her. Rearrange the room. Maybe you'd like to help me pick one out?" Alice laughed.

In the morning, I ordered a yellow Porsche 911 Turbo and a king-size bed.


	5. Tolerance

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, to understand what makes him tick. Any and all comments are welcome.

This 5th Chapter is called "Tolerance". It is based on chapters 6, 7 and 8 in Eclipse. A lot of this chapter contains dialogue not found in Eclipse but is based on the events as they happen. Edward has devised a plan to keep Bella away from Jacob Black on his next trip out of town. Alice is kidnapping her for those two days, but Bella slips out to see Jacob anyway. Edward finds out, and finally confronts himself, and his scheming. He deliberates for hours, examining his reasons for the choices he's made, and decides that he needs to change his approach. He will trust Bella, and let her see Jacob. Be tolerant of her friendship with his enemy. By the way - I had fun with the description of the hunt! I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions for Edward as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! Also, while Bella's emotions are clearly described in the books (as she lives them), because Edward can't hear her mind, I have in some rare instances chosen to change the emotions to what I thought he might perceive. I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Disclaimer: Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing these books. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for reading.

**5. Tolerance**

Afternoon.

I was dropping Bella off at the Newton's store for work. The car was stopped in front. Bella sighed and turned towards me. "Okay, I'll see you later," she said glumly.

"Yes, you will," I replied. "But – before you leave..." I gently took her face into my hands, and leaned in to carefully press my lips to hers, just for a moment. "Don't forget – I love you," I said, smiling at her, as I watched her get out of the car. Bella smiled back at me, though her expression was a little bewildered. As far as she knew, I'd be picking her up again in a few hours.

Except that I was not. Alice was. I was leaving town this afternoon on a two-night hunting trip, and I wouldn't be back until the early morning hours on Saturday.

After the past weekend, when she had used my absence to visit Jacob Black, I wasn't taking any chances. The sheer terror of not knowing that she was safe had driven me to the point of madness. I'd almost crossed into Quileute land, and would have, if my family hadn't stopped me.

Her mutiny, and there really was no other word for it, had made me devise a plan that would find Bella in the company of Esme and my sisters until I returned. No further visits to the dog.

I hated having to lie to Bella, but her safety was more important. I had told her that I was leaving Friday. And it was only Thursday.

My family had supported me in this plan. Esme had called Charlie while we were in school and gotten his okay for a girls' sleepover, and Alice had stopped by after school to pack a bag for Bella. They were all set. It all felt very clandestine and extremely devious, but I didn't think I had any other choice. Bella was determined to see Jacob Black, and I just couldn't let her do that.

I drove home and put the Volvo in the garage. Alice was sitting on the hood of her brand-new yellow Porsche 911 Turbo when I pulled in. Her payoff to keep Bella for me, while I was gone. Every time I was gone.

"It's simply fabulous, Edward," she grinned at me. "I still can't believe you got it here so quickly."

"You're very welcome," I said, grinning right back at her. "I'm glad you're enjoying your... gift."

"Can I pick up Bella in it this afternoon?"

I laughed. "I think that it may be a little too ostentatious. You probably shouldn't drive it around town. We can get away with Rosalie's M3, but a Porsche would definitely stand out."

Alice made a face. "Yeah, you're right. Darn it. All right, I'll take the Volvo. By the way, they're all ready to go. Just waiting for you to get back."

"Oh, good," I said. "What do you girls have planned for tonight?"

"Esme is getting Italian for Bella, from Port Angeles, and then I am going to paint her toenails, and give her a make-over. Beautification, you know." She grinned.

"Bella is already beautiful," I admonished her. "She doesn't need any make-up."

"Yes, yes," she replied, sticking her tongue out at me. "I know. But she obviously needs someone to show her how to enhance her features. Don't worry, Edward, I won't go overboard."

"I hope so," I grinned. "Did you like how the bed turned out?"

"Of course. I picked it out, after all. Nice touch on the matching comforter and sheets, though. Very elegant, if I say so myself." Alice had picked out a king-size cast iron bed, with a bowery canopy, the four posts adorned with metal roses. Very feminine, and entirely not my taste. I'd balked at her color choice, and ordered it in black.

I playfully ruffled her hair. "You are something else. By the way, thanks. I'll see you guys Saturday." Anxiety flooded through me as I walked out to the car, but I forced the feeling back. Alice and Esme would take care of Bella.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper were already waiting for me. We took Carlisle's car and headed out.

Emmett, his usual boisterous self, was talking animatedly about his hopes of finding a black bear. Jasper was just happy at the prospect of meat-eaters. He'd stalked a few deer in the forests at home to slake his thirst, since our abandoned trip the past weekend, but their blood hadn't left him satisfied.

I agreed with him there. Ours was an existence of sacrifice and denial, and we made that choice anew every day. The elks' and deers' scent was unappealing, especially when compared to humans. Bella's scent in my nose had made hunting the easy prey even more difficult, in the beginning. That had certainly changed. At this point, I was nearly immune to the temptation of her blood, the terrifying thought of losing Bella overpowering even my most basic instincts. The temptations of her body, however, were another story. I banished the thought. This was not the time to fantasize.

Carlisle was thinking of what was happening at home in this moment. "I've been wondering if we made the right choice, Edward. To kidnap her, keep her hostage like that. I know why you're doing this – I just don't know what will come of it. And it worries me."

"I'm worried, too," I said. "I am a little afraid of what will be waiting for me when I get home. I'm actually hoping that Alice will be able to... calm her down. A little, at least. So Bella won't try to rip my head off."

Emmett laughed. "Sounds like Bella has quite a temper, Edward. I had no idea."

"It depends on the situation, I guess," I said, thinking of the last fight. She had been much worse then the kitten-who-thinks-its-a-tiger I'd encountered in her before. Bella wasn't afraid of me, that much was certain. She'd been hissing and shouting at a very angry vampire. I shook my head at the memory. "She can be a little... forceful, when you make her mad," I added, with a half-smile. That was an understatement.

"Hmm," Jasper said thoughtfully. "I wonder how that might work out, when she's one of us."

I didn't like the direction his thoughts were headed. "Jasper," I glared at him. "I'd appreciate it if we could talk about something else."

He looked at me apologetically. "Sorry. It's an interesting thought."

"_I wouldn't be the weakest link anymore._" I knew it bothered Jasper that he was so much more susceptible to the temptations. But he hadn't tried as long, and sometimes it seemed, he almost expected to fail and slip up. Maybe if he changed his perspective on that, he'd rise to the occasion. I'd kept my thoughts on this particular subject to myself, not wanting to make him feel any worse. And I had long forgiven him for the catalytic incident during Bella's last birthday party, which prompted me to think that I was strong enough to leave her, to live without her. I'd found out quickly that I wasn't, but had, in the process of this horrendous error, caused a lot of pain to the only girl I would ever love. I hadn't forgiven myself for it. I doubted that I ever would.

"You mean, how many people will she kill?" Emmett broke in.

"He means nothing, Emmett," I said, turning my glare towards him. "Drop it."

"Touchy, touchy."

It was a subject I didn't want to think about. Bella as a newborn vampire. The first few years were going to be difficult, to say the least. For one, she'd be stronger than all of us. Even Emmett. But newborns were also wild, out of control, bloodthirsty. I'd do my best to keep Bella out of temptation's way, as far away from humans as possible.

Carlisle was theorizing. "She'll be the first one I've ever seen who'll have chosen this life beforehand. I wonder how that will affect her during the newborn year. It might make her more controlled. And more controllable."

"That's an interesting theory," I said, grudgingly. This was another unpopular subject with me; her upcoming conversion. "Bella is usually exceptionally self-possessed and controlled, especially considering the situations and dangers she's had to deal with. And she doesn't get angry quickly. She just has some very different opinions in regards to my stance on her relationship with the pack, and that tends to bring out her more... her stronger reactions."

Emmett laughed again. "That still means she's got a temper."

I grimaced. "Perhaps. I'll let you know." I was tempted to phone Alice to find out how Bella had reacted when she'd picked her up. No, better not. If I called now, Bella might want to speak to me, and I really didn't want to have this confrontation over the phone. And maybe I'd better shut off the phone altogether. I'd forgotten to tell Alice not to let Bella make any calls, and she might just decide to call me...

"Carlisle? I think I should probably leave my phone in the car, and turn it off. You'll have yours with you, right? In case there is an emergency?"

"Yes, of course. Do you think there might be a problem?Alice checked and didn't see anything out of the ordinary."

"No, it's not that. I am a bit concerned that Bella might try to call me, though, and I'd rather not, er, have this particular discussion quite yet."

He laughed. "Maybe once Alice explains to Bella the reason for the sleepover, she'd be more inclined to forgive you. I hope so, for your sake."

Carlisle was serious again. "This life makes lying oftentimes unavoidable, secrets always do, certainly, but you should never lie to someone you love. Of course, in this case, I condoned it, because I understand your motives. Bella's safety is of utmost importance."

I didn't respond. He was right. I'd be in trouble, I was certain of it.

Carlisle wasn't finished. "But – I am no longer thoroughly convinced that the wolves pose as much danger to Bella as you perceive. To us, they certainly are, but how much are our prejudices, our preconceived notions, against the wolves coloring our actions?"

"What do you mean?" I asked him, flabbergasted at his words. That's not what he had said earlier in the week. He'd obviously been very careful with his thoughts around me.

"Think of how much time Bella has spent in their company without anything happening to her. Think of the fact that they kept her safe from Victoria for months. I am sure that Jacob Black understands the danger, were he to phase in close proximity to Bella. Even during those two very volatile confrontations that you told me about, he was able to keep his temper."

I was too shocked to speak. Was this possible? Had I allowed my contempt, and admittedly, my jealousy, to lead me into exaggerating the possible danger? _Was_ it safe for Bella to be around Jabob Black?

"I don't know about that, Carlisle," Jasper said. "You remember how quickly things escalated while we were chasing Victoria. I _felt_ their deep-seated hate and vicious fury that night. Especially that gray one. He's entirely ruled by his temper. It just radiates out of him. His emotions were so strong, they were exacerbating my own anger. I had a hard time staying focused enough to calm down the pack."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Of course I remember. But their leader isn't ruled that way, and he controls them. If he had given the command to attack, they would have, calm or not."

Emmett was thinking back, too. While Bella and I had been in Jacksonville, my family, in an attempt to catch Victoria, had crossed paths with the pack. It had almost turned into a fight, if not for Carlisle and Jasper calming everyone down. "_Too bad I didn't get to fight that big gray one. He didn't look that strong to me._" I grimaced at his thoughts.

I wasn't ready to face myself and my motives. My anxiety was flaring up. "It's an interesting theory, but not exactly relevant at the moment. What's done, is done. Can we change the subject?" I said, a little harsher than I meant to. Carlisle looked at me, surprised. "It's not too late to cancel your plan, Edward, if you feel you made a mistake."

His words had truly bothered me. A door had been opened, a new path, one I wasn't ready to enter. I needed time to think this through, look at it from all angles, before I would be able to change my course. If I changed it at all. "No," I said. "I'm not changing the plan. Not now. Not yet." My voice was firm, final.

Carlisle sighed quietly. "_Do what you feel you must, son. You have my support either way._"

"Thank you," I said. "I know I do." I turned off my phone and tossed it in the glove compartment.

We reached the wildlife reserve after nightfall. It looked deserted, the rangers having long left for the day. Carlisle hid the car from view, and we were off. Mountain lions are solitary animals, and don't hunt in packs, so we separated, agreeing to meet by the car before sunrise. I'd been running silently through the forest for a few miles, when I came across the trail of one of the animals I was hunting. I stopped and stood motionless, letting my sense of hearing reach outward. The lion was a few hundred yards to the north of me, his paws stealthily moving forward. I turned my head in his direction, and I could see him now, crouching in the underbrush, focused ahead, stalking a deer. I crossed the short distance in seconds, and at the last moment, the cat sensed my approach. He half wheeled around, but it was too late for him. I swatted his claws away, sprang onto his back to hold him down, and my teeth unerringly found the throbbing artery in his neck. The lion screamed in pain, but his sounds grew feeble, as his hot blood rushed down my parched throat.

Ah – this had been sorely missed. I drank hungrily, greedily, already thinking of the next kill. I was done quickly, and hid the carcass in the brush. The animal's blood was sloshing in my stomach, but I was still thirsty. I wasn't hopeful I'd come across another of the big cats. Their hunting ranges were widespread, and though this was a large reserve, Carlisle and my two brothers were out there, hunting as well. I ran south, hoping to find another trail. I crossed Jasper's scent, but kept going. He'd been heading east. I came across Emmett's trail, coming in from the west, but he was running south as well. I sped up a bit, when I heard the growling from the bear he was toying with. I couldn't help but laugh when I reached him. Emmett never ate neatly. He loved playing with his food, taunting the wild animals before killing them. He was holding the bear's neck and had lifted him up in the air with one hand, while the animal furiously tried to claw at him.

Emmett heard me approach and turned his head. "Hi, Edward. Found anything yet?"

"Yes, I got one a few miles north. How many have you had? Your shirt seems to have survived so far."

Emmett grinned. "I packed an extra one, just in case."

The animal twisted in his grasp, and Emmett got bored. He snapped the bear's neck, and started drinking. I laughed again.

We ran together after that. It was more fun with Emmett around. Near a stream, we came upon a herd of deer, and froze to listen for any other animals in the vicinity. We were very lucky. Two large lions were stalking the same deer from two different directions. Emmett and I split up, approaching the cats from behind. They never heard our approach. We jumped at the same time, and they didn't stand a chance. I was finished with mine just before Emmett was done. The deer had scattered, but we were both still a little thirsty. We chased them down. I brought down a doe, and Emmett caught a small buck.

"I've had enough for one night," I said after disposing of the deer's carcass. "How about you?"

"Me, too, I think," he replied. We were walking, our now-full stomachs not warranting a faster pace. "Let's head back to the car."

We reached the car before Carlisle and Jasper, but we didn't have to wait long. They had been quite successful, too. We left the reserve just after sunrise and headed home.

"Did you get any calls?" I asked Carlisle. He shook his head. "No, I didn't."

I pulled out my phone, and turned it back on. There was a missed call, from Alice. She'd left a voice mail. I wondered briefly why she hadn't called Carlisle, when she couldn't reach me. My breathing sped up. This was surely not good news.

"You are in trouble," Bella's voice came through the phone. "Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home."

I pressed the end call button. Yes, Bella was very angry with me. As I had known she would. The call had come in the previous night, probably right about the time she had figured out my scheme. She probably needed more time. I stuck the phone in my pocket, leaving it on for now.

We'd planned for Carlisle to drop us off in the Hoh Forest. He was scheduled to work at the hospital for the night shift. My brothers and I would just run home in the morning.

The call came in shortly after two. Bella had done it again.

"Edward, I didn't stand a chance," Alice explained indignantly. "Jacob Black picked her up at school. On his _motorcycle_! Bella called him last night from here, to cancel plans she'd made for Saturday, but there was nothing in that conversation that sounded off. And she can't have been planning this, because I would have seen that. He just showed up, as we were headed for lunch. I got out of the school just in time to watch her drive off with him. He must know that I can't see the pack. Or predict what he'll do. I wonder how they found out about _that_!" The insinuation was evident. Bella must have told him.

I breathed a heavy sigh. There wasn't much I could do at this point, just like the last weekend. I wasn't even angry. I had brought this latest defection on all by myself.

"It's all right, Alice, I know you did what you could. Listen, let me talk to Carlisle, and then I'll call you back." I snapped the phone shut.

They had all heard Alice's description over the phone. Carlisle looked at me, concerned. Emmett laughed once from the backseat. "Looks like the little bird has flown the coop."

I glared at him. "Hilarious, Emmett."

Jasper was quiet, tensed, testing the feelings emanating from me. He couldn't feel any anger, so he relaxed again.

"What are you going to do, Edward?" Carlisle asked me quietly. I looked at him and shrugged dejectedly. "Nothing. Just like the last time, there's nothing I _can_ do except wait for her to come back home, and hope for the best possible outcome."

"Do you want to go home now?"

"No – what's the point?" I replied. "I'll just be sitting there or pacing in circles, going mad, but that won't make the time go by faster. I may as well continue on with the original plan."

"Whatever you feel is best, son," Carlisle said, squeezing my shoulder. I sighed again.

I called Alice back. "I'm not coming home now. I'm not angry with you, or with Bella, for that matter. Just call me when she returns, will you?"

"Of course," Alice replied. "Is there anything you want me to tell her?"

"No," I said. "Don't tell her that I know, though, okay?"

"Sure. I'll call you the minute she comes back."

"Thanks, Alice." I shut the phone again.

I needed time to think. After Carlisle dropped us off, I said goodbye to my brothers and ran all the way, in a straight line, through the forest to the little meadow. Our meadow. It would be quiet there, far from any population, and I would be able to be by myself. No invading thoughts. No noise. Quiet.

When I got to the little patch of my heaven, I just laid down in the grass, staring at the clouds above. I watched their progress for a while, thinking of my last time here, with Bella. The first time I'd brought her here. I sighed, reveling in the feelings I discovered that day. The strength I'd found inside me, the hungers she had evoked. Hungers, not just thirst. I smiled. Her blood had still been quite a temptation back then, one I'd fought every day. Until I thought I'd lost her forever. That one day, those twenty-four hours, had changed everything.

It felt like I was losing her again. The disagreement about the wolves was tearing us apart. I was lying to her, and she was going behind my back. I was hurting her, driving her to extremes. I was forcing her to devise sneaky ways to see the dog.

How pathetically low I had sunk in my mission to keep her from harm. Keep her safe. Why was I going to such measures to keep her away from the wolves? Having my family hold her hostage? Did I not trust Bella? If she said it was safe for her to be around her friend, and she had, many times, why was I so worried about her visiting him? Why the anxiety?

I couldn't use Victoria as an excuse. The volatility aside, the pack was strong, no doubt about that. And fast. They'd caught and killed Laurent, when he had just been about to kill Bella. And despite my wishing otherwise, Jacob Black loved Bella, and didn't _want_ to harm her in any way. He would protect her, no matter what, or die trying. As I would. So, if we both loved this girl, the only girl, what did the mutual animosity boil down to? Keeping her safe was an excuse. The real issue was – jealousy.

I needed to be honest with myself. What was I _really_ afraid of?

I was afraid of losing Bella. Terrified of it. Just thinking about it made me unable to breathe. Anguish pierced my frozen heart. I couldn't lose her. Everything I did, every choice, every action on my part, was driven by that fear. I loved her. I would always love her. I knew I couldn't live without her. I had tried once, and failed miserably.

I was afraid of losing her. That's why I didn't like being away from her. That's why I didn't like her to visit Jacob. Not because he was dangerous, though that certainly played a role. No – I didn't like it because I was afraid – that she might choose him, over me. And that would surely kill me.

But my actions in the last few weeks, my unbending stance on the danger of the pack, were driving her away from me. I was hurting Bella, hurting her with my anger, my jealousy, my attempts at controlling her. How could I hurt the girl I loved? Loved with every fiber of my being? Had I not done enough damage? This had to stop. Immediately. What kind of monster was I?

There were obviously some changes I needed to make. First off, apologize. Ask her forgiveness. And then, though I would still be anxious whenever I couldn't see her, condone her friendship with Jacob Black. Let her visit. He'd only asked to see her on his side of the line, so I didn't foresee any visits from him any time soon. Maybe I needed to have a conversation with the dog. Make sure he understood the need to keep her from harm. No, perhaps that wasn't advisable. I still had a strong animosity towards him, and I didn't see that changing any time soon. Not when he was trying to take away my reason for existing. But I could be tolerant. I could smother my jealousy and my contempt for him, and pretend, for Bella's sake? Couldn't I?

I sat up, when the phone rang. Alice again. "Hi, it's me," she said unnecessarily. "I saw Bella on her way here, and then she came home a few minutes ago, Edward, looking like something the cat dragged in. She's in the shower right now. She looked really upset, like she had a fall-out with the dog. She drove here from La Push by herself, on her motorcycle; it's in the garage. First, she wanted to go home, but then she agreed to stay here. I think she's going to turn in early. She doesn't even want to eat."

"Did she say what it was about?"

"No, she wouldn't tell me. Didn't want to talk about it. Are you coming home?"

"Yes, I'll come home soon. Emmett and Jasper will be home in the morning, I think. Carlisle dropped us off at the Hoh Forest Ranger Station. They're still hunting, I suppose, but I'm not. I'll probably get home before they do. Please see if she'll eat something. She should eat."

"I'll try, but you know how stubborn she is. She slept on the couch last night, wouldn't touch the bed," Alice sighed. "I'm just glad she didn't wreck the bike on the way home."

"So am I," I said. "Believe me, so am I."

"I'll see you soon."

I shut the phone. She'd slept on the couch? And forgone the nice, cozy bed in my room? How silly. Why would she do that? Mad at me, I decided. That had to be it. She was so mad at my deception, she'd ignored the bed. She would have known it had been purchased for her. I didn't need a bed. I never slept. But there were advantages... I stopped that thought cold. I refused to be distracted.

Night was falling. The forests around me grew darker. I laid back on the grass. There was much to figure out.

I was hurting Bella by forcing her to choose. I was making her feel like she had to sneak away. Endanger herself to see her friend. Bella loved me. I knew that to be true. She'd said it, many times, and more importantly, she had shown me, over and over, how much she loved me. Love of my existence, she'd said. So I had to trust her. Trust her. Easy words. Hard to do.

Bella just considered him family; she had said that, too. And I believed her. She loved me. She wanted to become one of us; she'd already made that choice. I would change her myself, if she married me first. I'd promised her that. Against my better judgment, I had agreed to take away her soul. And when she took me up on that offer, she would be mine forever.

No more scheming. I would trust her. If she wanted to see Jacob Black, so be it. If she wanted to keep her friend, that was okay. I would trust her assessment of the danger he posed. I would keep my animosity to myself. I had the strength for that. Bella was mine. I was hers.

Feelings of peace flooded my silent heart. I couldn't stand another minute without seeing her. I jumped up and ran all the way home.

Esme and Alice were playing cards when I blew through the open front door. I smiled when they looked up.

"Hi, you two," I said. "Where's Bella?"

"Upstairs, asleep," Alice answered, grinning at me. "I checked on her just a few minutes ago. She's on the couch again."

I winced. Bella was still angry with me. "Did she eat?"

"Yes, I convinced her to eat some of last night's leftovers."

I looked at them both. "Thank you," I said. "I am sure the last two days haven't been easy on you. But the scheming is over. I won't do this again."

Alice stared at me. "What do you mean? What plan have you cooked up now?"

"Nothing, really. I've decided that my issues with the wolves were, in fact, _my_ issues. Not hers. My actions were based on a lack of trust. I've decided to trust her assessment of the danger the wolves pose."

Esme gasped. "Edward – are you sure?"

I sighed. "As sure as I can be, I suppose. I'll still be anxious whenever she's not with me, but I realized that all this plotting, all this manipulation, is hurting Bella more than anything. And I'm doing this to her. I can deal with the anxiety, with the worry. I can't hurt her. I've hurt her enough, too much, too often."

They were worried, confused. I smiled a crooked smile. "It'll be all right. Don't worry. I worry enough for all of us."

Alice grimaced. "You certainly do. Well, I guess I'll keep my eyes on her as much as possible."

Esme searched my face. "If you're sure, Edward. Whatever you decide. Just keep her safe as best you can."

"That I will," I promised her. "But I'm done with the lies. I'm done hurting her."

Rosalie came downstairs. She was a little chagrined when she heard my last words. It seemed she'd had a conversation with Bella the night before. Told Bella her story, of how she became one of us. It wasn't a pretty story, and I was a little upset how much detail she had shared with Bella. I turned towards her. "Was that necessary, Rosalie? To give her all the dirty details?" I asked her sharply.

She looked at me. "I never liked Bella all that much, you know that, and you also know why, but I think she needed to hear this story. She doesn't understand what she is giving up. I do. Believe it or not, I don't want her hurt, either, Edward. I've inflicted enough hurt on her myself, and I don't want to do that anymore. But I can't condone the choice she's going to make. All I did was try to make her understand my point of view. Is that so wrong?"

Hadn't I tried this myself many times? And Rosalie was serious, honest, not holding back. I looked at my sister. "No, Rosalie, that's not wrong. I am sorry that I snapped at you. How did Bella take it?"

"She was pretty calm, I would say. I left out the gorier parts, of course. I think, at the end, she understood what I was trying to tell her. I don't know if it will influence her decision or not, and either way, there's nothing more I can do. I do feel better, having gotten this off my chest. It'll be a little easier for me to have her around, after this."

"Well," I said. "That'll be a huge improvement." I grinned at her. She grinned back.

I wanted to go upstairs and see Bella's face. "Okay, then," I mumbled. "I'm, er, going to my room." They all giggled in response.

Dawn was still a few hour away. Bella was curled up on the couch, fast asleep, with just a pillow and a comforter. I knelt down beside her, and took a deep breath, letting her exquisite scent flow down my throat. The burn was negligible. She was so beautiful. I gently put my arms under her body, and slowly carried her to the bed, laying her down. The comforter covered her from chin to toe, so she'd stay warm. Then I carefully laid down beside her. I took another deep breath. Now all I needed was her forgiveness.

Bella opened her eyes, stretching and rolling away from me. She froze for a second, and then rolled back, her eyes wide open. "Sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Bella tensed, and I wondered if I had frightened her. She didn't speak, but her hands reached for mine, and she pulled herself closer to me. I wrapped her in my arms, holding her to my chest. She kissed my neck, my chin, until she found what she was looking for. Her lips pressed against mine, and I returned the favor gladly. When her arms wrapped around my neck, I pulled back a little and chuckled. Apparently, I wasn't in too much trouble.

"I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."

"Give me a minute to work it up," she teased, and her lips found mine again. The hungers for her awoke inside me.

"I'll wait as long as you want," I murmured against her mouth. I carefully intertwined my fingers in her hair, holding her head in place. Bella's breathing sped up.

"Maybe in the morning," she breathed.

"Whatever you prefer," I replied, slowly moving my lips to her jaw. I inhaled her scent again. The burn stayed muted. I felt in control. My other desires flared higher.

"Welcome home," Bella whispered, unsteadily now. "I'm glad you came back."

"That's a very good thing," I breathed against her throat.

"Mmm," she agreed, and her arms tightened around me. I let my hand slide down her arm, tracing the curves of her ribs, her waist. I slid lower still, until my hand was curled around her calf. Did I dare? I checked myself, tested to see if I had reached my limit. Not there yet. My need for her raged, but I was still in firm control of my movements. My head stayed clear. I lifted her leg up and curled it around my waist.

Bella held her breath, for just a second, while I kissed the hollow at the base of her throat. I suddenly wanted to know what she didn't like about the bed. It had some great advantages as I was discovering.

"Not to bring on the ire prematurely," I breathed against her skin, "but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?"

I rolled slowly, and pulled her on top of me. My hands moved greedily to her face, holding it at an angle, and I pressed my lips to her throat again. She felt so good, so warm, her body against mine, her legs around my waist. Desire, urgent need for her flooded every cell in my body. But I was in control of myself. The venom didn't flood my mouth. The burn in the back of my throat was easy to ignore. Bella's breathing sped up more. I suppressed a smile. Her reactions to my kisses made me feel so powerful, so joyful. That after all these years of frozen existence, though new to this myself, I was able to evoke these reactions in her. I was shameless.

"The bed?" I asked her again. "_I _think it's nice."

"It's unnecessary," Bella gasped.

I gently pulled her lips back to mine, and kissed her in earnest. Slowly, I rolled again on the wide bed, until I hovered over her. I held myself on top of her, careful not to crush her with my weight, but letting her feel my body against hers. Her face looked shocked. I laughed quietly. She must be wondering what had come over me. I had never taken our physical relationship this far. And we were almost as far as it could go.

"That's debatable, " I whispered against her lips. "This would be difficult on a couch." I inhaled the warm breath coming from her mouth. Ah - it was unbelievably sweet. My breathing became ragged. I was teetering on the edge of a cliff. I wanted to let myself fall, but I knew I couldn't.

Wanton desire was sizzling inside me, and I wouldn't be able to let this go on much longer. My head started to swim, and I felt my control slipping. But I wanted to reach just a little further. I very lightly traced the shape of her mouth with my tongue. Oh... oh - the taste of her mouth on my tongue nearly sent me over the edge. Passion flared. My insides tensed, and my need for her washed over me, and started to pull me under. The fantasies came unbidden, and every part of my body reacted to them. Every nerve ending was on fire, burning me from the inside out. This experience was all brand-new. I couldn't think.

Bella's leg tightened around my waist. The feeling made me lose my hold on self-control for just a moment, but fought to regain it. The insensity of my need for her nearly overwhelmed my senses. I wanted her, wanted her now, wanted to feel her bare skin against mine, taste every inch of her skin, take her breath away. Make her mine. In _every_ sense of the word. I was fighting the feelings, struggling against them. The strength left my arms and I could feel myself sinking down on her, pressing myself harder against her. Out of their own volition, my hands gripped her shoulders. "_Stop it_", my mind screamed at me. "_You are going to hurt her_."

"Did you change your mind?" Bella asked in that precise moment, gasping for air. Her breathless voice pulled me back from the brink.

I fought the spinning in my head. No, of course I hadn't changed my mind. It was too dangerous. We were still fully clothed and I was already losing my grip. This had been a big mistake, and I was irritated for allowing it to go so far. And her question meant she wanted this just as much as I.

The raging hungers rejoiced at this, but I quickly banished the thought. No. Too dangerous. I would lose control and I would hurt her. Or much, much worse, kill her. I sighed, thoroughly disgusted with myself, and rolled us back to the side.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I retorted, more harshly than I had meant to. "I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away." Sage advice I should have listened to myself.

"Too late," she muttered, sounding disappointed. "And I like the bed."

I smiled. "Good," I said, kissing her forehead. "I do, too."

"But I still think it's unnecessary," Bella said. "If we're not going to get carried away, what's the point?"

She just wouldn't give up. I sighed again. This was exasperating. She was stubborn to a fault. "For the hundredth time, Bella – it's too dangerous."

"I like danger," she insisted.

I knew _that _well, the most recent events certainly proof of that. The memories made me grumble. "I know," I told her, internally shaking my head.

"I'll tell you what's dangerous," she muttered. "I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days – and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

The little minx. I suppressed a grin, and tried to disentangle myself from her. She wasn't having any of that, locking her arms around me.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked.

"Protecting you from combustion," I teased her. "If this is too much for you..."

"I can handle it," she replied quickly. I almost laughed, but swallowed it. She wiggled her way back into my arms.

I suddenly felt chagrined. This was my fault, wasn't it? She gotten the wrong idea, because of how far I had let things go. And I had upset her with my reaction to her honest mistake.

"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression," I apologized. "I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice."

"Actually, it was very, very nice."

Bella's words weren't helping. Passion flared again, and I felt my insides tense. The fantastical pictures returned with a vengeance. I wrestled them back into a corner of my mind, and took a calming breath. It didn't work too well.

"Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep."

"No, I'm not," she replied. "I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."

She wasn't helping at all. "That's probably a bad idea. You're not the only one who gets carried away."

"Yes, I am," she muttered against my chest.

I was still fighting the fantasies, and chuckled at her grumbling. "You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either."

"I'm not going to apologize for that," she replied. Of course not. Time to change the subject. There was another apology I had to make.

"Can _I _apologize?" I asked her.

"For what?"

Had she forgotten already? "You were angry with me, remember?"

"Oh, that," she replied.

"I'm sorry. I was wrong. It's much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely _here_." I held her closer, needing to assure myself. "I go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I don't think I'll go so far again. It's not worth it."

Bella smiled. "Did you find any mountain lions?"

I was captivated by her mesmerizing smile for an instant. How lucky I was, to have found this girl, to earn her smiles every day.

"Yes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety. I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea."

"Yes," she simply agreed.

"I won't do it again," I promised her. And I wouldn't. I had promised myself as well. Nothing that would hurt her again.

"Okay," she said. It seemed she had already forgiven me. She curled herself closer. "But slumber parties have their advantages..." She pressed her lips to the hollow above my collarbone, and my breath got stuck in my throat. "_You _can hold me hostage any time you want."

"Mmm," I sighed, lost in the sensation of her lips on my frozen skin. "I may take you up on that." The fantasies went wild in my mind.

"So is it my turn now?" Bella asked. My mind was still wrestling with the pictures, so I was confused.

"Your turn?"

"To apologize," she explained.

"What do you have to apologize for?"

"Aren't you mad at me?" she clarified.

"No." And I wasn't. I hadn't been, not even when I first found out from Alice. I had pushed Bella to do this. How could I be mad at her?

Bella's brows furrowed, she seemed confused.

"Didn't you see Alice when you got home?" she tried again.

I was enjoying this just a little. "Yes – why?"

"Are you going to take the Porsche back?"

Was that what Bella was worried about? That was almost insulting. What did she think of me? "Of course not," I said, with indignation, "it was a gift."

"Don't you want to know what I did?" Bella sounded really confused now. I suppressed a smile. I wasn't sure if she could see my face in the dark.

"I'm always interested in everything you do," I shrugged nonchalantly, "but you don't have to tell me unless you want to."

"But I went to La Push."

"I know."

"And I ditched school."

Ah – little Miss Responsible. "So did I," I teased her.

Her fingers traced my face. "Where did all this tolerance come from?" she asked.

I sighed. Hours upon hours of thought had gone into this reversal of course. "I decided that you were right. My problem before was more about my... prejudice against werewolves than anything else." And jealousy, but she didn't need to hear that. "I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it's safe, then I'll believe you."

"Wow", she simply stated.

I was working hard to get the rest of it out. The truth that had prompted this decision. My fear of losing her. "And.... most importantly.... I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us."

Her head dropped against my chest, and she was silent. I couldn't really see her face anymore in this position, but she seemed happy.

I made my voice casual. I had one more burning question. "So," I mumbled, "did you make plans to go back any time soon?"

She tensed, but didn't respond. Was she worried I would overreact again? Very possibly so. I tried to assure her. "Just so that I can make my own plans," I quickly clarified. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hurry back because I'm sitting around waiting for you."

"No," Bella finally whispered, and her voice sounded strangled. "I don't have any plans to go back."

"Oh. You don't have to do that for me."

"I don't think I'm welcome anymore," she whispered. Alice had alluded to that earlier. I wondered what had happened, but didn't want to pry.

"Did you run over someone's cat?" I asked, unable to suppress the curiosity completely.

"No," she replied, and then took a deep breath, as if what she was going to say would be difficult. "I thought Jacob would have realized... I didn't think it would surprise him."

I had a good idea what she was talking about, but I stayed silent.

"He wasn't expecting... that it was so soon."

"Ah," I said, my voice low.

"He said he'd rather see me dead." Bella's voice broke on the last word, and I was instantly outraged at that despicable, stinking mutt. How _dare_ he say that to her? How _dare_ he hurt her feelings like that? I wanted to rip him apart, tear his head off, his every limb. But I fought to control my emotions because Bella needed my comfort, not my anger. My frozen heart felt like it was breaking with her pain.

I gently pulled her tightly against me. "I'm so sorry."

"I thought you'd be glad," she whispered.

I buried my face in her hair and closed my eyes. "Glad over something that's hurt you?" I murmured. "I don't think so, Bella."

She sighed and relaxed against me. I was still angry, my body tense. The fury wasn't easily controlled, vicious images dancing in front of my eyes. I wanted to peel the skin off his flesh, and the flesh off his bones, slowly, painfully. I wanted to wipe him off the face of the earth.

Bella noticed the tension, like she noticed everything. "What's wrong?" she asked me, lifting her head.

She needed comfort, not anger, I reminded myself. "It's nothing," I replied, shoving the vicious images to the back of my mind.

"You can tell me."

I didn't want to upset her any further. "It might make you angry."

"I still want to know."

I sighed. I had promised honesty. Perhaps without the gory details. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I _want _to."

Bella laughed a little. "I guess it's a good thing you've got so much self-control."

"I could slip." If she wanted me to.

"If you're going to have a lapse in self-control, I can think of a better place for it," she said, pulling herself up. I guessed her intentions, and restrained her, tightening my arms around her.

I sighed. "Must I always be the responsible one?"

Bella grinned. "No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes... or hours." I suppressed a grin of my own. Shameless girl.

Just as shameless as I was. Desire instantly was at the forefront of my mind. Would this never end? What had I unleashed?

"Goodnight, Bella." She needed to sleep before things got out of hand again. Before my hungers for her came back to the surface.

"Wait – there was something else I wanted to ask you about."

"What's that?" I was curious. What else did she want to know?

"I was talking to Rosalie last night..."

I tensed again. Had Bella changed her mind? Would she no longer want to become one of us? Join my family, and be with me forever? The anxiety colored my voice. "Yes. She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she?" I was barely breathing, waiting for her answer.

"She told me a little bit... about the time your family live in Denali."

I was confused. What was the connection with Rosalie's story and Bella's choice? "Yes?"

"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires... and you."

Oh. This was a subject completely out of left field. I didn't know what to say. If I told her it might make her feel bad, and besides, I was a gentleman. I was silent.

"Don't worry," Bella said, when I didn't answer. "She told me you didn't... show any preference. But I was just wondering, you know, if any of _them_ had. Shown a preference for you, I mean."

Tanya. I thought of the lovely blonde vampire whom I hadn't seen in over a year, the last time when I'd fled from Bella's scent after our very first meeting. I still didn't know what to say to Bella, so I stayed quiet.

"Which one," she asked me, very direct now. "Or was there more than one?"

I was silently cursing Rosalie for telling Bella about this. There wasn't anything to tell. Nothing had ever happened between Tanya and me, though she had wanted that very much.

"Alice will tell me," Bella said. "I'll go ask her right now."

I tightened my hold on her. "It's late," I said a little nervously. "Besides, I think Alice stepped out...." I'd never felt so... so _embarrassed _in my entire life. I was afraid of what Bella might think of me if I told her.

"It's bad," Bella guessed. "It's really bad, isn't it?" Her voice sounded panicky, her heartbeat sped up. This was ridiculous. Was she... jealous? Of a vampire whose interest I hadn't even returned? Whom she didn't even know? I khew the feeling well, of course. I guessed it was possible.

"Calm down, Bella," I said, kissing the tip of her nose. "You're being absurd."

"Am I? Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell," I said, getting exasperated. "You're blowing this wildly out of proportion."

"Which one?" She was insistent.

I sighed. Fine, then. Perhaps it would make her feel better if she knew, and didn't have to imagine the worst. That seemed to help me with my own jealousy.

"Tanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story."

"Tell me something – what does Tanya look like?"

Apparently, we still weren't done with this subject. "Just like the rest of us – white skin, gold eyes."

"And of course, extraordinarily beautiful."

Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, as the saying went. No one was as beautiful, as exquisite, as Bella. I shrugged. "I suppose, to human eyes. You know what, though?"

"What?" she retorted, in a very petulant way. I was amused. She was jealous! It was adorable.

I leaned towards her, and my lips touched her ear. "I prefer brunettes," I whispered.

"She's a blonde. That figures," Bella said, still a little petulant.

"Strawberry blonde – not at all my type," I assured her. I was laughing inwardly, my silent heart jubilating with joy. Bella was jealous. How wondrous. She had absolutely no reason to be, and I would never love anyone else the way I loved her. But she was jealous. I moved my lips down her cheek, under her chin and back up again, kissing every inch along the way, while I waited for her to say something.

After a long while, Bella spoke again. "I _guess_ that's okay, then."

"Hmm," I whispered against her warm skin. "You're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable."

Bella scowled at me. I suppressed a smile. How extraordinary. She was jealous. But she needed to sleep now. "It's late," I murmured, making my voice smooth and persuasive. "Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."

I started humming her lullaby, as she wiggled herself closer to me. Her eyes closed, and her breathing returned to normal. I held her in my arms until the new day dawned.


	6. Visitation

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, to understand what makes him tick. Any and all comments are welcome.

This 6th Chapter is called "Visitation". It is based on chapter 9 in Eclipse, where it is called 'Target'. Again, I changed the chapter name because I usually try to convey with the title what's important to Edward, for each chapter. About half of this chapter contains made-up dialogue and scenes not found in Eclipse. It's the morning after Edward returned from his latest hunting trip. I hope you enjoy the breakfast scene. After Bella gets home, and Edward goes over to her house, the chapter follows the storyline as it happens in SM's book. I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions for Edward as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! Also, while Bella's emotions are clearly described in the books (as she lives them), because Edward can't hear her mind, I have in some rare instances chosen to change the emotions to what I thought he might perceive. I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Disclaimer: Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing these books. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for reading.

**6. Visitation**

Morning.

The new day dawned slowly, the rising sun deeply hidden behind the dark, rain-laden clouds. I should have read them as the menacing omen they were.

Bella's head was nestled on my shoulder, and she was still asleep. Her arm was flung carelessly across my chest, her body, wrapped in the comforter, pressed to mine. She looked peaceful in her sleep, her upturned face relaxed, her soft mouth curved into a half-smile. I wondered if she was dreaming of something that made her happy. Me, for instance.

I took a deep breath, inhaling her incomparable scent. She smelled so wonderful, the fragrance of her blood exquisite. The fire in my throat smoldered. I ignored the burn. It was nothing.

Bella's hand moved across my chest. Her eyes were still closed. She sighed. "Mmm." Was she waking up?

Her hand slid up to my face and her fingertips slowly traced the curve of my jaw. "Mmm," Bella moaned again. I smiled, and her eyes opened. "Good morning, my love," I whispered, and kissed the tip of her nose. "Did you sleep well?"

Bella looked up at me. "Yes, I did. This bed is really very comfortable." A teasing smile spread across her face.

"I'm glad you changed your mind about it, then," I teased her back. "Do you want to get up?"

"Not yet," she replied, and stretched a little. "What time is it?"

"Just after six," I answered her question. "Are you hungry? I can make you some breakfast, if you like."

"Can we stay just a few more minutes? I'm not ready to get up." She pulled herself closer to me. My arms wound around her. There was nothing urgent on the horizon this morning, and Charlie wasn't expecting her for another couple of hours.

"Yes, we can," I replied. Anything for her. I wasn't quite ready to leave the bed, either. Bella eyes closed again, and her arm curled around my neck. She lifted her head, and her mouth started searching.

I gave her what she was looking for. Our lips met, and instantly, the desire awoke. Not wanting a repetition of last night's near loss of control, I broke off the kiss after just a moment. Bella made a face. I chuckled once.

"Not again," I admonished her, lovingly, though I wanted nothing more.

"Oh, all right," she grumbled, and I laughed at the disappointment in her voice. "Let's get up, then, if we're not going to make good use of the bed. I am actually a little hungry."

"Your wish, my command," I said, and disentangled myself gently, before standing up. "Would you like a human minute before going downstairs?"

"Yes, please," she replied. "I'll meet you in the kitchen?"

"Okay," I said lightly. That would give me some time to figure out what we had available for her. I was fairly certain that Esme had bought the cereal and the strange looking Pop-Tarts that Bella liked. I quickly kissed Bella's forehead, and then strode from the room. "I'll see you downstairs," I smiled over my shoulder. She blew me a kiss, and turned for the bathroom.

I took the stairs two at a time, and nearly ran into the kitchen, surprising Esme. "Edward," she scolded. "Slow down."

"Bella is awake," I told her, smiling excitedly. "And hungry. What do we have for breakfast for her?"

"Have a look in the cupboard," Esme replied with an indulgent smile. "There's the Fruit Loops cereal you said she liked, and a box of those Pop-Tarts, with pink frosting. Milk is in the fridge. Or, I can make her scrambled eggs, and I bought waffles, too. They're in the freezer. What would she like?"

"I don't know," I said, feeling foolish. "I forgot to ask her. But if she wants eggs, I can make them for her."

"Well, why don't we just wait, then, until she comes down, and then you can find out." Esme laughed, and walked to the front room. She was, even now, still full of joy about the feelings Bella had evoked in me. From the living room, I heard Alice and Rosalie giggling as well. They were laughing at me. It was rather humorous, I supposed. The vampire in love, worried about what to feed his human girlfriend.

Emmett and Jasper had just arrived home. I heard them come through the front door, and Carlisle was back, too, albeit already up in his office. He was studying a thick medical volume.

I'd been watching a few shows on the Food Network lately, so I felt ready to handle breakfast. It didn't seem that difficult. I was still deliberating what to make for Bella, when I heard her come down the stairs. "Good morning," she called out towards the living room, before walking to the kitchen.

"Hi," Bella said, as she reached me. "So – what's for breakfast?"

"Er... I realized too late that I forgot to ask you what you would like," I admitted. "But Esme bought all kinds of things. There's cereal and waffles, and eggs. What is your preference?"

"Cereal is fine, thank you." Bella sat down at the counter.

Wanting to impress her with new skills, I quickly grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, and ripped open the box of cereal. I poured some into the bowl. I threw open the refrigerator door, and hastily pulled out the bottle of milk. Slamming the door shut, I tore the cap off the bottle, and poured a generous amount of milk on top of the cereal. Bella was watching me, amusement playing on her face. I pulled out a placemat from the drawer, and carefully put the bowl in front of her, looking at her expectantly.

She returned my gaze, but was silent, her lips twitching. I waited for her to start eating. She didn't move. Was she not hungry, after all? Had I picked the wrong cereal box? My eyes dropped to the bowl. No, those looked exactly like the Fruit Loops I'd seen her eat before. I stared at Bella for a moment, unsure of what she was waiting for. Her eyes were dancing with silent laughter, and a part of my mind was distracted at the sight.

"A spoon would be nice," she said mildly.

I mentally slapped my forehead, wheeling around, and almost ripped the drawer off the casters. She giggled. I picked out a spoon, and with a bow, held it out for her. Bella was laughing freely now. I smiled, feeling like a fool. "Bon appetit," I said.

I heard my family laughing in the front room. Alice was giving them the play-by-play version of the events taking place in the kitchen. They were enjoying my awkwardness in this somewhat unfamiliar situation.

"Very funny," I muttered. The laughter grew louder. I tuned them out, but they were right. It was rather comical.

I watched Bella eat, until I noticed that my intense gaze seemed to make her uncomfortable, so I excused myself for a minute, and went to the living room. I wanted to confirm with Alice that she would drop Bella off at home.

They all looked at me as I walked in, trying to hide their smiles. Except for Emmett, of course. "Ha ha ha ha," he roared with laughter. "That was hilarious. Mr. Perfect forgot the spoon? Well, there's hope for us, after all."

"I'm delighted that I entertain you, Emmett," I said with forced dignity, though I felt entirely undignified. I _had_ acted like a complete idiot. My own amusement broke to the surface and I grinned. "But it was funny. This whole food thing still throws me for a loop."

Rosalie laughed. "Really, Edward? We hadn't noticed."

"A Fruit Loop," Jasper joked. Emmett roared again, shaking with hilarity.

"Okay, okay, enough humor at my expense," I grumbled. "Alice, are you taking Bella home?"

"Whenever she's ready, I will," Alice replied, fighting a smile.

"Thanks. And after you come back, I'll drive over to her house myself."

"I'll make it fast," she teased me. "So you won't have to wait too long."

I reached over and ruffled her hair affectionately. "I'll use the time to change," I said and went back to the kitchen. Bella was finished with breakfast, and washing the bowl out in the sink.

I gently took it from her. "You don't have to do that, " I said, and put the bowl down.

"It's no problem," Bella said. "Is Alice taking me home?"

"Yes," I replied. "Are you ready to go?"

"I think so. I'll just have to get my things from your room."

"Allow me," I winked at her, and flew up the stairs. I folded her clothes into her bag, and, in the bathroom, packed up the few toiletries she had used. Within moments, her bag slung over my shoulder, I was back in the kitchen, and held out my hand to her. "Milady," I said playfully. I'd seen that in a movie once. With a smile, Bella put her hand in mine, and we walked out to the front room.

"She's ready for you," I called to Alice.

Alice got up. "Okay, I'll pull the car around," she replied and disappeared to the garage.

I heard the Volvo start up, and gently pulled Bella to the front door. "Come on, let's get you home."

"I'll see you later," Bella waived at my family. "Thanks, Esme, Rosalie."

Alice was waiting for us. I opened the car door for Bella. "I'll come over in a little while," I told her. "I love you."

She hugged herself to me, and I leaned down to kiss her hair. "I love you, too," she smiled. "See you soon."

"Not soon enough for me," I admitted. I helped her into the car, and threw her bag onto the backseat. Alice drove off. I stared after the car for a moment, before climbing up the front steps. Emmett and Rosalie had gone upstairs, so I made it a point not to listen to their thoughts. Their relationship was very physical, and I didn't need any reminders at this time. I was still reeling a little from last night, and the hungers Bella had awoken. Again.

I went to my room to change. Bella's lingering scent was all around me, and I could still visualize her sleeping form on the bed. I nearly moaned when the fantastical pictures flooded my mind. I shook my head, but this time, they refused to be subdued. I sat on the coach, feeling suddenly weak. What was wrong with me? I knew perfectly well that the fantasies would have to remain just that. I couldn't afford to lose control, and Bella's enthusiastic responses to my kisses, her warm skin, her soft body, her willingness, had nearly driven me to the point of no return just last night. She would have been hurt. I was too strong, and she was too breakable. The consummation of these fantasies would have to wait until after her conversion. I shook my head again, and forcibly wrestled the pictures to the back of my mind.

I was clearly in need of a distraction, so went to Carlisle's study. I stopped at the closed door, until I heard him call me inside. I stuck in my head. "Do you have a moment?"

"Of course," he smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I wanted to let you know that I've changed my mind about Bella visiting the... er, Jacob Black," I told him.

He looked at me, curiously. Neither Esme nor Alice had told him. "What prompted you to do that?" he inquired.

"I realized that all I was managing to achieve was hurting Bella. It wasn't keeping her safe, because she went anyway, and my attempts at controlling the situation were actually making it worse," I admitted. "And that's the last thing I want to do." I hung my head, feeling ashamed at my actions.

"What are you going to do now?" Carlisle asked, delighted to see that I had taken his advice seriously.

"I'm not sure, exactly. It seems they had a disagreement yesterday, and Bella currently isn't planning on going back. But if she does, I'm going to do my best to trust her judgment. You were right, of course. He knows he's dangerous. I don't think that he will hurt her. I'll certainly be anxious while she's there, but it seems best to stop driving her to extremes. Feeling like she has to sneak away to see him."

"I'm glad, son," Carlisle said. "And you know, we'll help any way we can."

I looked at him. "Thank you," I said fervently. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

He smiled at me. "_Anything, Edward. Any time._" I acknowledged the thought with a nod, and shut the door behind me.

Alice was back already. She laughed at my expectant face, and threw my keys at me. "Go ahead, Edward. I left the car in front of house."

With a quick waive goodbye, I ran out of the house. I drove much too fast, until I reached the Forks city limits, and then I had to slow down. I wouldn't want Bella's father to arrest me for speeding. He would enjoy that very much, I was sure. I was humming to myself, in a happy mood, thinking about my pathetic attempts at making breakfast for Bella. She must have thought me deranged. I was still smiling, when I parked the Volvo in front of her house, and got out.

The smile froze on my face. I picked up the scent immediately. Fresh, only a few hours old. Vampire. Not one of us. No one I knew.

Instant panic. My muscles tensed in anticipation. My defenses were on high alert.

The scent grew stronger as I walked up to the house. Bella and Charlie were inside. My nostrils flared, my lips curled back in a silent snarl. Venom filled my mouth. My eyes were wildly darting around, expecting the menace to jump out of the bushes at any moment. My hand was trembling, when I rang the doorbell. I waited impatiently, listening intently, but all I could hear from inside were Charlie's thoughts. He was fine. "Door," he hollered.

I heard Bella running down the stairs. "Don't strain yourself, Dad." She was okay, too. I breathed easier for a moment.

The door opened. The scent intensified. An unknown vampire had entered the house. Bella's house. He might still be here. My panic grew proportionately.

Bella registered the expression on my face. "Edward?" she asked, her voice shocked. "What..."

I cut off her sentence with a finger to her lips. I needed to sweep the house. Make sure no one was hidden somewhere. "Give me two seconds," I whispered. "Don't move." Nostrils flaring, I flew into the hallway, following the scent, darting past the living room door, up the stairs, checking the rooms. The scent was strongest in Bella's bedroom. There was nothing out of place. My knees almost gave out at the thought, relieved that she hadn't been home for this visitation. I rushed back downstairs to the open front door. Bella was still frozen where I'd left her. I wound my arm around her waist, and gently pulled her towards the kitchen, shielding her with my own body. My eyes were flashing around the room, my ears were listening for any sounds, any thoughts that were out of place, but nothing was there. I deliberated for an instant if I should tell her, but my panic was too obvious. "Someone's been here," I whispered in her ear.

"I swear that no werewolves...," Bella started to say, but I cut her off instantaneously. "Not one of them," I shook my head. "One of us."

Bella's face went white. "Victoria?" she choked out.

"It's not a scent I recognize," I said. Perhaps it was one of the Volturi guard I hadn't met. They hadn't touched Charlie, and the scent hadn't been in his room. But what had he or she wanted? And why hadn't Alice warned me?

Bella was thinking along the same lines. "One of the Volturi," she said.

"Probably," I confirmed her guess.

"When?" she asked me.

"That's why I think it must have been them – it wasn't long ago, early this morning while Charlie was sleeping. And whoever it was didn't touch him, so there must have been another purpose."

"Looking for me," Bella pointed out. I froze. Of course. They would want to check to make sure we had followed through on our promise. But this was much too soon. I was surprised that they were already thinking of her. I hadn't expected that.

Charlie was getting curious. He'd heard us whispering, but was unable to make out the words. He ambled over from the living room, using the empty bowl in his hands as an excuse. "What are you two hissing about in here?"

Bella stared at him, her expression horrified. I felt exactly the same. "_Looks like they're fighting about __something..._" He was suddenly gleeful. The thought had him grin. "If you two are having a fight... well, don't let me interrupt." He put his bowl in the sink, and still grinning, left the kitchen.  
I needed to get Bella away from here, and I needed to speak to Alice. "Let's go," I said, starting to pull her to the front door.

"But Charlie," she protested. She was right, but I couldn't leave her here, and he couldn't know about this. I pulled the phone from my pocket and called my brother.

"Emmett," I said when he answered. I spoke quickly. "Someone's been here, no one I know. Last night. In her room. Charlie's okay; whoever it was left him alive. The scent is still strong in the house. Take Jasper and see if you can pick up the trail behind Bella's house. Make sure no one's around, and then follow it as far as it goes. I'm heading over to talk to Alice. I need to know what she saw. If she saw anything. Tell the others."

"Of course," Emmett agreed. I heard him call Jasper. "We'll call if we find anyone. Don't worry about it." Easier said than done.

I snapped the phone shut, and pulled Bella towards the door. She was rooted to the floor. "Emmett and Jasper are on their way," I assured her in a low voice. "They'll sweep the woods. Charlie is fine."

When we hurried past the living room, Charlie looked at her frightened face with a smug look before his thoughts changed to confusion. "_What's going on_?"

I didn't wait for him to stop me, and swooped through the front door with Bella in tow. I wished I could just pick Bella up, and carry her at inhuman speed to the car, but Charlie's eyes followed us through the window.

"Where are we going?" Bella whispered, when the car roared to life. I hit the gas before I answered.

"We're going to talk to Alice," I replied, but I wasn't hopeful that she'd have any answers for us.

"You think maybe she saw something?"

"Maybe," I said desolately. I couldn't imagine Alice seeing a threat for Bella or one of us, and not telling me about it.

My family was waiting for us as we entered the house, on alert, motionless. Emmett and Jasper weren't back yet, still following the trail. Alice was standing behind the couch.

"What happened?" I snapped at Alice, glowering at her. Why hadn't she told me anything?

"I have no idea. I didn't see anything."

"How is that _possible_?" I hissed through my teeth. My fists were clenched by my side.

"Edward," Bella said quietly next to me. I was furiously glaring at Alice, and ignored the reproof in Bella's voice.

Carlisle tried to calm me. "It's not an exact science, Edward." It didn't help.

"He was in her _room_, Alice. He could have still been there – waiting for her." The thought was fuel to my anger. My face was livid. She hadn't even checked when she dropped Bella off.

"I would have seen that," Alice insisted.

"Really?" I spit at her, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I threw up my hands in frustration. "Are you sure?"

Alice bridled at my accusations. "You've already got me watching the Volturis' decisions, watching for Victoria's return, watching Bella's every step," she answered coldly. "You want to add another? Do I just have to watch Charlie, or Bella's room, or the house, or the whole street, too? Edward, if I try to do too much, things are going to start slipping through the cracks."

"It looks like they already are," I snapped back, my eyes narrowed. My anxiety was exacerbating my anger.

"She was never in danger," Alice retorted. "There was nothing to see."

"If you're watching Italy, why didn't you see them send..."

"I don't think it's them," she interrupted instantly. "I would have seen that."

"Who else would leave Charlie alive?" I regretted the words immediately, when I felt Bella shudder beside me.

"I don't know," Alice admitted, wishing that Jasper were here.

"Helpful," I said, sarcastic again.

"Stop it, Edward," Bella whispered next to me. Her voice was strained.

I glared down at her, my face furious, my jaw clenched, and I caught my own reflection in her wide eyes. I saw a monster.

I was taking my panic and fury out on Alice, and I was frightening Bella. Immediately, I was disgusted with myself. What on earth was I doing? Bella needed me to be strong, protective in this situation. Not raging with fury.

I forced myself to relax, to reign in the fury. "You're right, Bella. I'm sorry." I turned to my sister. "Forgive me, Alice. I shouldn't be taking this out on you. That was inexcusable."

"I understand," she replied. "I'm not happy about it, either."

I took a deep breath to collect myself. "Okay, let's look at this logically. What are the possibilities?"

They relaxed at my words. Rosalie stared out the southern wall, still tense, waiting for Emmett's return. "_What's taking them so long_?"

I was wondering that, too. I pulled Bella to the couch, and made her sit between Esme and me. I held her hands tightly in mine, unwilling to let go.

"Victoria?" Carlisle wondered. That had been my first thought, too, but the scent had been unfamiliar. I would have known hers immediately.

"No," I shook my head. "I didn't know the scent. He might have been from the Volturi, someone I've never met..."

Alice disagreed. "Aro hasn't asked anyone to look for her yet. I _will _see that. I'm waiting for it."

I looked up quickly. That was perhaps the problem. "You're watching for an official command."

"You think someone's acting on their own? Why?"

I could think of many reasons. Neither Caius nor Jane had been exactly happy with Aro's decision to let us leave last spring. My face was cold. "Caius's idea," I said in response, the memory of his cruel smile clear in my mind.

Alice understood. "Or Jane's... they both have the resources to send an unfamiliar face...."

I scowled at the memory of Jane's pleasure when she was inflicting pain on others. "And the motivation."

"It doesn't make any sense, though," Esme spoke up. "If whoever it was meant to wait for Bella, Alice would have seen that. He – or she – had no intention of hurting Bella. Or Charlie, for that matter."

Bella cringed when Esme said her father's name, but this actually was plausible. If the intent had been to hurt or kill Bella, Alice would have seen it. And she'd seen nothing out of the ordinary.

Esme stroked Bella's hair. "It's going to be fine, Bella," she tried to assure her.

"But what was the point then?" Carlisle wondered.

"Checking to see if I'm still human?" Bella threw out a guess.

"Possible," Carlisle said. He wasn't convinced, though. Like me, he didn't really believe that the Volturi would act so quickly. It had only been a few months since our return. But what else could it be?

Emmett and Jasper were almost home; I could already hear them. They hadn't found anyone, just the end of the trail. That was discouraging. Rosalie let out a sigh, and turned towards the kitchen door, just a few seconds before they burst through.

"Long gone, hours ago," Emmett was disappointed. "The trail went East, then South, and disappeared on a side road. Had a car waiting."

The fact that a car had been involved was interesting. And disturbing. This indicated it wasn't just a nomadic vampire who'd simply been roaming alone.

"That's too bad," I muttered. "If he'd gone west... well, it would be nice for those dogs to make themselves useful." But east made more sense, I supposed. The only thing west of us was the coastline. And the pack.

Bella winced at my words. I glanced at her, and squeezed her hands in apology. Esme rubbed Bella's shoulders, trying to comfort her.

Jasper went over to Carlisle. "Neither of us recognized him. But here...." He held out a broken fern frond. Carlisle sniffed at it. "No," he said, "not familiar. No one I've ever met."

"Perhaps we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe it's a coincidence...", Esme said, but broke off when we all looked at her incredulously. Coincidence? An unknown vampire in Bella's house, by chance alone?

"I don't mean a coincidence that a stranger happened to pick Bella's house to visit at random. I meant that maybe someone was just curious. Our scent is all around her. Was he wondering what draws us there?"

That made no sense to me. Nor to Emmett. "Why wouldn't he just come here, then? If he was curious?" It was a very good question, one that I'd asked myself at the same time.

"You would," Esme smiled at him fondly. "The rest of us aren't always so direct. Our family is very large – he or she might be frightened. But Charlie wasn't harmed. This doesn't have to be an enemy."

We all pondered this for a moment. I didn't agree with her assessment, but Esme's musings appealed to Carlisle. Neither Jasper nor Emmett nor Rosalie were buying it, either.

The fact that Alice hadn't seen anything made me wonder if this someone had known how to circumvent her visions. Alice was thinking along the same lines. "I don't think so. The timing of it was too perfect... This visitor was so careful to make no contact. Almost like he or she knew I would see..."

"He could have other reasons for not making contact," Esme pointed out.

Jasper agreed with Alice, and with me. I glanced at him, and his gaze was intensely focused on his other half.

"Does it really matter who it was?" Bella piped up. "Just the chance that someone _was _looking for me... isn't that reason enough? We shouldn't wait for graduation."

"No, Bella," I said hastily. "It's not that bad. If you're really in danger, we'll know." Not because she was afraid. I wouldn't let her make this irreversible change because she was scared. If she wanted to become one of us, I would make certain that she could choose freely. Not while there was a sword hanging over her head.

"Think of Charlie," Carlisle reminded her. I conveyed my gratitude with my eyes. "Think of how it would hurt him if you disappeared."

"I _am _thinking of Charlie! He's the one I'm worried about! What if my little guest had happened to be thirsty last night? As long as I'm around Charlie, he's a target, too. If anything happened to him, it would be all my fault."

"Hardly, Bella," Esme consoled her, before I could say anything, and patted her head. "And nothing will happen to Charlie. We're just going to have to be more careful."

"_More_ careful?" Bella said, her face awash in disbelief.

"It's all going to be fine, Bella," Alice assured her. I squeezed her hand again. Bella looked at each of us, but my family felt the same way I did. Not because she was afraid. We would do whatever it took to make sure she would have a choice.

Bella was quiet on the way home. I thought she might be scared to be alone, even if it was only for the time it would take me to drop the car off at home, and run back. But my family would also be watching over her. I tried to assure her. "You won't be alone for a second," I promised her. "Someone will always be there. Emmett, Alice, Jasper... "

She sighed. "This is ridiculous. They'll get so bored, they'll have to kill me themselves, just for something to do."

Not funny at all. I glanced at her sullenly. "Hilarious, Bella."

Charlie was in a gleeful mood, when we entered the house. He could see the tension on our faces, and thought we were still fighting. I smiled grimly to myself. He also had another message for Bella from Jacob Black, but he didn't bring it up. I excused myself while Bella cooked his dinner, and went outside to call Emmett to make arrangements for him to come over and watch Bella's house, while I was driving the car home. When I went back inside, Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for his food. He saw me come in, and chose this particular moment to pass along his message.

"Jacob called again," he said with a smug smile, as Bella put down his plate in front of him.

"Is that a fact?" Bella asked petulantly.

Charlie's brows furrowed, and he frowned at her. He was feeling sorry for the dog. I could guess what Jacob Black had called for. I hadn't forgotten what he'd told Bella the day before. Nor had I forgiven him for it. His words had hurt her very badly.

"Don't be petty, Bella. He sounded really low."

"Is Jacob paying you for all the P.R., or are you a volunteer?" she snapped at him. I suppressed a grin. Leave it to Bella.

Charlie grumbled, but it was so low that I didn't think Bella understood what he was saying. "_Just trying to do a favor for the poor guy. What did he say to make you so mad? He's young. Poor kid. Give him a break._" The first forkful of food cut off his mumblings.

Knowing Bella, she would probably forgive her friend. She had forgiven much worse; I knew that, too. But she made no attempt to call him while I was there. Maybe she thought I'd be angry. Or perhaps, she didn't want Charlie to overhear. I settled on the latter as the more likely.

I said my official goodbye around nine-thirty. I could hear Emmett when I stepped out of the house. "_I'm here, Edward. Nothing going on. It's all boringly quiet._"

Once in my car, I sped through the quiet streets. In the pouring rain, I hit our driveway at ninety miles an hour, and kept my speed until I got to the house. I didn't bother with the garage. The Volvo screeched to a stop. I threw myself out of my seat, and flashed through the forest back to Bella's house. Emmett was still there. "Damn, kid, that was fast," he said, grinning. "Still nothing. Charlie's watching TV, and Bella went upstairs. The light's on in her room."

"Thanks," I said. "I'll see you in the morning." The next instant, I was climbing through her open window. Bella was lying in her bed, staring at the window, her quilt pulled up to her neck.

"Hi," she smiled at me. "That was quick."

"Of course," I smiled back. "Are you ready to go to sleep?"

"I think so," she replied. I laid down next to her, and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes.

"Sleep, my love," I told her, "I'll watch over you all night." I started humming her lullaby, and she feel asleep quickly, her face relaxed.

Charlie left the house early, whistling excitedly. I heard him load his fishing equipment into the cruiser, and he drove off. When Bella got up, she just grabbed some Pop-Tarts for breakfast. Afterwards, she looked at me, searching my face.

"I'm going to let Jacob off the hook," she said. I had expected that, so it didn't come as a surprise.

"I knew you'd forgive him," I said, smiling at her worried expression. "Holding grudges is not one of your many talents." She rolled her eyes in response to the compliment.

It was still early, but apparently the dog was waiting by the phone, because he picked up after the first ring.

"Hello?" I heard his voice from the receiver.

"Jacob?"

"Bella!" His voice was instantly excited. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry!" It sounded genuine, but I couldn't hear his thoughts so I wasn't sure. He was stumbling over the words in his haste to apologize.

"I swear, I didn't mean it. I was just being stupid. I was angry – but that's no excuse. It was the stupidest thing I've ever said in my life and I'm sorry." I completely agreed with him there.

"Don't be mad at me, please? Please. Lifetime of servitude up for grabs – all you have to do is forgive me." I grudgingly conceded that the mutt was sincere. Maybe I should forgive him, too? Not yet. Maybe later. _If_ he behaved himself going forward.

"I'm not mad. You're forgiven," Bella said, and a half-smile appeared on her face.

"Thank you," he said and his voice was fervent. "I can't believe I was such a jerk." Good self-description, too. I suppressed a grin.

"Don't worry about that – I'm used to it," Bella replied. What? That was new information. Had he done something like this before?

The mongrel was begging now. "Come down to see me. I want to make it up to you."

As much as I'd planned to be tolerant, today wasn't a good day. Not with the unknown visitor possibly still lurking, or coming back.

Bella made a face. "How?" she demanded.

"Anything you want. Cliff diving," he proposed, and I could hear his laughter. Was he insane? Or was this his idea of a joke? I couldn't imagine Bella trying that stunt again, but I kept my face calm and smooth. Practicing tolerance. Trusting her to know what was safe.

"Oh, _there's_ a brilliant idea," Bella retorted. Instant relief. She was being smart.

"I'll keep you safe," he hastened to say. "No matter what you want to do."

Bella looked at me and searched my face again. "Not right now," she said.

"_He's_ not thrilled with me, is he?" Jacob Black asked. His voice sounded... ashamed. Yet more proof that his apology was sincere. His anticipation of my reaction was spot-on. Interesting.

"That's not the problem," Bella explained. I listened intently. What would she tell him? "There's... well, there's this other problem, that's slightly more worrisome than a bratty teenage werewolf...." Her tone was joking, but it didn't reach her expression.

He seemed to know her better than I'd thought. "What's wrong?" he asked, his tone demanding.

"Um," Bella stalled. I quickly decided that this was as good an opportunity as any. Perhaps the pack had picked up the scent as well. And they should probably know what was going on. I held out my hand for the phone.

Surprised, Bella scrutinized my face, searching for anything that would indicate I was upset. She found nothing, I could see that in her eyes.

"Bella?" Jacob Black's voice was impatient.

I sighed, and moved my hand closer to the phone. She got the hint. "Do you mind speaking to Edward?" She sounded apprehensive. "He wants to talk to you."

My intention surprised the mutt as well, it seemed. There was only silence for a few of Bella's heartbeats.

"Okay," I finally heard. "This should be interesting."

Bella handed me the phone, her eyes trying to convey a warning for me. I returned her gaze calmly and took the phone from her hand. "Hello, Jacob," I said, keeping my voice polite.

A beat of silence. "Uh, hi," he replied finally.

I quickly considered how to explain the situation, and decided to just be direct. "Someone was here – not a scent I know. Has your pack come across anything new?"

"A bloo... a vampire, you mean? No, we haven't found any new trail. Not since last weekend. What's going on?" He was quick on the take, I had to give him credit for that. But his answer didn't surprise me. I nodded. Based on the direction of the trail Emmett and Jasper had followed, this unknown visitor had not crossed into Quileute land.

"Here's the crux, Jacob. I won't be letting Bella out of my sight till I get this taken care of. It's nothing personal..."

"What is going on?" he interrupted me, his voice rising in pitch. "Is this other vamp after Bella? I think we have a right to know. We can help. Protect her, just like you can. And she'd be safe down here. Nobody will get by us."

I believed him, but my anxiety wouldn't allow me to let her leave my side. "You might be right..." I started to say, but he interrupted me again.

"Maybe we should look at the lines, rearrange our boundaries, move them closer to Forks, or at least, her house. So we can catch anything that comes too close. Create a safe zone for her."

I hadn't thought of that, and even if I had, I would've been reluctant to bring it up. But it made perfect sense. "That's an interesting suggestion. We're quite willing to renegotiate. If Sam is amenable." I glanced at Bella. She was chewing on her nail, still scrutinizing my face.

"I'll get with him right away," Jacob promised, his voice normal again. "And if he doesn't agree, well, then I'll run extra patrols myself, around her place, so don't attack if you see me," he added with a chuckle.

"Thank you," I said. And I meant it. It would be very helpful in this situation, to have the wolves on our side.

"I'm assuming you will be out there, looking for this other vamp. It may be best, if we knew who to expect near our borders. So we don't have a repetition of last weekend. What are you going to do with Bella? And what about the next time you leave to feed?"

I was surprised at his last question, but under the circumstances, I needed to consider it. We shouldn't deplete our numbers too much. I'd probably go by myself whenever the rest of them were home. "I'd planned to go alone, actually. And leave her with the others."

Jacob's voice rose at my answer. "That's really stupid, I think," he said heatedly. "She'd be safest here on the reservation, while you are searching. Or, er... away. We can handle anything that comes across our lands. And that way you can take your... uh... family with you. Spread out."

That made sense, too, actually, but I couldn't decide on it now. The anxiety flared. I didn't trust the pack the way I trusted my family. I needed to run this by Carlisle first. "I'll try to consider it objectively," I told him. "As objectively as I'm capable of."

"And maybe I should come by, to pick up the scent at her house. So we know it, too, when we run patrols," Jacob continued.

Again, he made sense. "That's not a half-bad idea. When?"

"I can be there in under ten minutes, unless this is not a good time. But you'd have to leave so there's no confusion on the scent," was his immediate reply.

"No, that's fine," I said. "I'd like a chance to follow the trail personally, anyway. Ten minutes... Certainly." I held the phone out. "Bella?"

She took it from my hand carefully, looking a bit peeved, and confused.

"What was that all about?" she said into the phone.

"A truce, I think," his voice came back. "Hey, do me a favor. Try to convince your bloodsucker that the safest place for you to be – especially when he leaves – is on the reservation. We're well able to handle anything." He'd called me '_her_ bloodsucker'. I didn't appreciate the slant, but apparently, the dog understood I was hers, and always would be.

"Is that what you were trying to sell him?" Bella asked, her voice still a little petulant.

"Yes. It makes sense. Charlie's probably better off here, too. As much as possible." He hadn't mentioned that to me, but I could certainly see his point. And I knew Bella was worried about it, too.

"Get Billy on it," she told him. "What else?"

"Just rearranging some boundaries, so we can catch anyone who get too near Forks. I'm not sure if Sam will go for it, but until he comes around, I'll keep an eye on things."

"What do you mean by 'keep an eye on things'?" she demanded.

"I mean that if you see a wolf running around your house, don't shoot at it."

"Of course not," Bella said quickly. "You really shouldn't do anything... risky, though." Always so selfless. The mutt wasn't at risk – she was. I mentally shook my head.

Jacob's snort came through the phone. "Don't be stupid. I can take care of myself." Perhaps a little overconfident. Bella sighed.

"I also tried to convince him to let you visit," he continued. "He's prejudiced, so don't let him give you any crap about safety. He knows as well as I do that you'd be safe here."

It wasn't so much my prejudice anymore. I just didn't know him well enough to trust him as much as I trusted myself, and my family.

"I'll keep that in mind," Bella replied.

"See you in a few," Jacob told her.

"You're coming up?" Bella sounded surprised.

"Yeah. I'm going to get the scent of your visitor so we can track him if he comes back," he explained.

Bella wasn't happy, I could see that on her face before she even spoke. "Jake, I really don't like the idea of you tracking..."

"Oh _please_, Bella," he laughed and hung up on her. Still not very impressive on manners, I decided. Language, too. He apparently needed to learn a few things on how to talk to a lady.

Bella put the phone down, and looked at me. "Jake's coming over."

"Yes, I know," I told her. "I'll leave when he gets here. You won't be alone, I promise."

"What? Why do you need to leave? I thought you got over your issues."

"It's not that I feel any personal antagonism toward him, Bella, it's just easier for both of us," I assured her. "I won't be far away. You'll be safe." I opened the front door. I'd stay east of the house, since he'd be coming from the west.

"I'm not worried about _that_." Of course not. I wanted to grimace. Always the wrong instincts.

Something occurred to me just then. I'd rather he not touch her. The dog was coming over to catch the unknown scent, but my own scent burned his nose just the same. Hmm. Perhaps, there was a way to keep him from getting too close to Bella. I pulled her close to me and, taking a deep breath, buried my face into her hair. I exhaled slowly, letting my breath saturate every strand of her hair. That ought to do it.

"I'll be right back," I promised her, laughing to myself. I could already imagine his face when he caught a whiff of _that_.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked, looking suspicious. I grinned and, with one more look at her, jogged towards the tree line. I'd run a few wide circles around the house while he was inside.

I could hear him approach. I retreated further into the forest, but I'd be back as soon as he left.


	7. Acceptance

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, to understand what makes him tick. Any and all comments are welcome.

This 7th Chapter is called "Acceptance". It is based on chapter 10 in Eclipse, where it is called 'Scent'. Again, I changed the chapter name because I usually try to convey with the title what's important to Edward, for each chapter. Jacob Black is at Bella's house to pick up the unknown visitor's scent. Edward doesn't like that much. Once Jacob is gone, Bella tells Edward about the missing stuff. At the end of the chapter, Edward tries very hard to practice his newfound tolerance, trying to accept that Bella is safe with the wolves. It's his first time, so I tried to convey his struggles with that. I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions for Edward as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! Also, while Bella's emotions are clearly described in the books (as she lives them), because Edward can't hear her mind, I have in some rare instances chosen to change the emotions to what I thought he might perceive. I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Disclaimer: Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing these books. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for reading.

**7. Acceptance**

Mid-Morning.

I'd been running wide circles through the forests behind Bella's house for twenty minutes by now. One-thousand and two-hundred seconds. I'd been counting them in my head.

Twenty minutes ought to be enough time for the mutt to catch the scent of Bella's visitor from last night. He already knew mine, so if his nose was really as discerning as he'd claimed, he should be good to go. And it had been long enough. I was a little impatient. I wanted him to leave, so I could return to Bella's side.

I reminded myself that he was actually being helpful for a change. I could afford a little more patience. A very little. I sighed. Twenty-one minutes.

My phone rang. I pressed the button without looking. "Edward, your new motorcycle just arrived," Alice's voice came through the phone. "Jasper is deciding what excuse to use to take it for a test drive."

I grinned. "I should have bought two," I teased her. "Tell him he can borrow it any time he likes."

"They delivered Bella's helmet and a rather nice looking leather jacket, too. Not bad at all, considering I didn't help you pick it out."

I chuckled. "Thanks, Alice. I'll see you later."

I tightened the circles and moved closer to the house. I was still about a mile out, but the dog's mind was becoming easier to pick up with familiarity, and I could already hear him. Twenty-two minutes.

"Can I ask you something, Bella?" he was saying.

It seemed Bella was doing dishes. I could see her face in profile, from where he was standing next to her. Bella sighed at his question.

I slowed down my running, unabashedly listening to this conversation through his mind. What would he want to know?

"What's it like – having a werewolf for a best friend?" he continued. She turned her face towards him and laughed. "Does it creep you out?" he pressed on, not giving her time to answer.

"No. When the werewolf is being nice, it's the best," Bella replied, still smiling. Her melodic voice didn't sound quite the same in his head. And I would've rather liked her answer to be affirmative, instead.

His smile grew wide then. "Thanks, Bella," he said. Twenty-three minutes.

And then the mutt grabbed her hand, and yanked her towards him to hug her. Her hair fanned out from the movement, and he instantly caught my scent. It burned his nose, and his nostrils flared.

I laughed out loud. Served him right. Touching Bella – hugging her – was not required for the job he was currently doing. I grinned with undiluted glee when he simultaneously dropped his arms and stepped away from her.

"Ugh," I heard him say. "Your hair stinks worse than your room."

Breathing on her hair, saturating each strand with my own scent, had been a very successful plan, from conception to implementation to end result, and I hadn't had too many of those lately.

"Sorry," she muttered. I was close enough now for her voice to reach my ears, and no longer had to hear it only through his thoughts. Twenty-four minutes. I cleared my throat, and hoped it was loud enough for him to pick up the sound. Time to go, pup.

"_Just a minute, leech._" The thought confirmed that he had heard me.

"One of the many hazards of socializing with vampires," he said, and shrugged. "It makes you smell bad. A minor hazard, comparatively."

Never mind the vampires – overgrown, immature dogs weren't entirely safe, either. Had he forgotten that? Besides, Bella didn't smell bad at all. Not to me. Her exquisite scent was incomparable. Always had been. Always would be. For me, there was none more compelling.

She was glaring at him. "I only smell bad to you, Jake." Twenty-five minutes. Had he not gotten the hint?

He grinned at her. "See you around, Bells." Ah, finally. Leave, already.

"Are you leaving?" Yes, he was.

"He's waiting for me to go. I can hear him outside."

"Oh."

"I'll go out the back," he told her, and a thought occurred to him. "Hold up a sec – hey, do you think you can come to La Push tonight? We're having a bonfire party. Emily will be there, and you could meet Kim... And I know Quil wants to see you, too. He's pretty peeved that you found out before he did."

Bella grinned, but then sighed. Her face was a mixture of disappointment, longing and apprehension. The picture in Jacob Black's head seemed benign enough. Just a pack of wolves and friends sitting around a fire pit, telling stories. This sounded like something she would enjoy. Would she want to go? I could possibly work with that. With a few precautions and rules, definitely, but she would be well protected, I had to admit that. Nearly as protected as she was with me. She should have a cell phone, too. I would need to borrow Alice's for now, but perhaps it was time she had her own. I made a mental note to bring this up with her. Twenty-six minutes.

"Yeah, Jake, I don't know about that. See, it's a little tense right now... "

"C'mon, you think somebody's going to get past all – all six of us?"

What was that? What was he hiding? That's not what he'd meant to say, but it seemed something was preventing him from finishing the sentence as he had originally intended. I couldn't even get a read on the intention, as deeply as he had hidden in his mind. That was interesting. Hmm.

Anyway, six large mutts should be able to protect Bella from an unknown vampire. If I was going to be tolerant of Bella's friendship with them, I needed to accept that small fact.

Jacob Black was looking at Bella, pleading with this eyes.

"I'll ask," Bella promised. Doubt colored her voice.

The mongrel swallowed a growl. He was abruptly angry, but modulated his fury into heavy sarcasm. "Is he your warden, now, too? You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and..."

Jacob Black was now entirely out of line, and if I went with the assumption that he wanted to keep his body whole, it seemed like a good time for him to leave. Now. If he stayed any longer, he might not leave in one piece. Bella appeared to agree.

"Okay," she interrupted him, and shoved him away from her. "Time for the werewolf to get out."

"Bye, Bells. Be sure to ask _permission_."

He was still grinning, when he slammed the back door, and ran into the woods. He phased as soon as he was past the tree line, and I heard his oversize paws thudding west on the forest floor. His thoughts disappeared in the distance.

I'd reached the front of the house at the same time, and pulled Bella's mail from the box, glancing at the return address on the large, white envelope.

Elation. Dartmouth had finally responded. The envelope looked exactly like the one I'd received. This was great news.

Except that I couldn't quite explain to Bella how she'd been accepted. She'd be angry, no doubt. I'd have to play this one by ear. And dodge her questions, probably. I folded it in half and stuck in my jacket, before I went inside.

I could smell the fresh blood as soon as I opened the door. Jacob had bled while he'd been here. Bleach overpowered the scent. I was a little wary, wondering what had happened, when I saw the bloody knife on the counter by the sink.

"Did you two get into a fight?" Had she stabbed him with it? And why? Though that would be okay, as far as I was concerned. I visualized Bella charging at him, the knife raised high, plunging it down... no, that wasn't Bella at all. She was so non-violent, I couldn't finish the thought.

"Edward," Bella sang, and threw herself into my arms.

"Hi there." I laughed at her enthusiastic greeting and wrapped her in my embrace. My deep and unending love for her overwhelmed me. "Are you trying to distract me? It's working."

"No, I didn't fight with Jacob. Much. Why?"

"I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object." I nodded my head towards the bloody knife.

"Dang," Bella exclaimed. "I thought I got everything."

She grabbed the knife and threw it in the sink, dousing it with bleach. "I didn't stab him," she explained. "He forgot he had a knife in his hand."

I chuckled. "That's not nearly as fun as the way I imagined it."

"Be nice," she admonished me. Perhaps it was time to change the subject. I pulled the Dartmouth letter from my jacket and casually lobbed it on the counter. "I got your mail."

"Anything good?" Bella asked, without even looking at it.

"_I _think so," I replied, wondering how she would react when she saw the return label. She looked at me suspiciously, and went over to pick up the envelope.

Smoothing out the fold, she looked at the return address. "Dartmouth? Is this a _joke_?" Her eyes were narrowed, and her gaze was accusing.

"I'm sure it's an acceptance. It's looks exactly like mine." I braced myself for the wrath of the Gods in the form of a small, human girl.

"Good grief, Edward – what did you _do_?"

It was probably best not to tell her the whole truth. "I sent in your application, that's all." Besides, Carlisle had arranged for the rest.

"I may not be Dartmouth material, but I'm not stupid enough to believe _that_."

"Dartmouth seems to think that you're Dartmouth material." Carlisle's generous donation had been very successful in aiding that sentiment.

Bella took a deep breath. "That's very generous of them," she acknowledged, "however, accepted or not, there is still the minor matter of tuition. I can't afford it, and I'm not letting you throw away enough money to buy yourself another sports car just so that I can pretend to go to Dartmouth next year." Maybe I should have considered financial aid in the form of a scholarship award. No, she would have seen right through it.

"I don't need another sports car. And you don't have to pretend anything." I made my voice persuasive. "One year of college wouldn't kill you. Maybe you'd even like it. Just think about it, Bella. Imagine how excited Charlie and Renee would be... " Could she envision it? The pride that would fill Charlie? The joy her mother would feel? And she would stay human, at least for a little while longer. Have human experiences. It meant so much to me if I could only persuade her. But Bella wasn't swayed.

"Edward. I'm worried about living through graduation, let alone this summer or next fall."

I wrapped her in my arms, and pulled her close to me. I didn't want her to be scared. "No one is going to hurt you. You have all the time in the world."

Bella sighed. "I'm mailing the contents of my bank account to Alaska tomorrow. It's all the alibi I need. It's far enough away that Charlie won't expect a visit until Christmas at the earliest. And I'm sure I'll think of some excuse by then." She looked at me, a teasing smile on her face. "You know, this whole secrecy and deception is kind of a pain."

My face went cold. If she thought that now, how would she feel after she had made this change? My world was all about secrecy and lies and deceptions. The only thing that changed were the humans we deceived. It further proved to me that she hadn't thought her choice all the way through. Irritation bubbled to the surface, and I spit out a response before I could think it through. "It gets easier. After a few decades, everyone you know is dead. Problem solved."

Bella flinched. I immediately regretted the blunt words. I shouldn't have said that. "Sorry, that was harsh."

She stared at the envelope in her hands. "But still true," she admitted.

Why would she not wait? Was it fear that drove her? "If I get this resolved, whatever it is we're dealing with, will you please _consider _waiting?"

"Nope." Her reply was instant.

Ugh. "Always so stubborn."

"Yep."

The ancient washing machine was having issues, and came to a sudden stop mid-cycle. "Stupid piece of junk," Bella muttered, moving away from me. She opened the top and reached in, then started it again.

"This reminds me," she said. "Could you ask Alice what she did with my stuff when she cleaned my room? I can't find it anywhere."

What was she talking about? I'd heard nothing of the sort from Alice. Why would she be cleaning Bella's room? I felt confused. "Alice cleaned your room?"

"Yeah, I guess that's what she was doing," Bella explained. "When she came to get my pajamas and pillow and stuff to hold me hostage." This reminder earned me a glowering look. I felt appropriately abashed at the memory of my, in hindsight, asinine plan. "She picked up everything that was lying around, my shirts, my socks, and I don't know where she put them."

My mind swirled around her words, trying to make sense of this. Her pillow hadn't even been at the house. And then I froze. Her clothes. Her scent. The unknown visitor. Instant panic.

"When did you notice your things were missing?" I needed her to confirm my suspicion. My voice became strained. I tried to fight back the rising fear.

"When I got back from the fake slumber party. Why?"

"I don't think Alice took anything. Not your clothes, or your pillow. The things that were taken, these were things that you'd worn... and touched... and slept on?" Fear. Anxiety. Someone had stolen her scent. What did this mean? What was the purpose of it?

"Yes. What is it, Edward?"

Fear turned to terror. "Things with your scent." The unknown vampire had come here for this reason, and this reason only. That's why Alice hadn't seen it. That's why Charlie was still alive. But that didn't explain why. For what purpose would he or she need Bella's scent?

"Oh!" Bella exclaimed, having figured it out.

We stared into each other's eyes for a long moment. The panic on her face mirrored mine.

"My visitor," she mumbled.

"He was gathering traces... evidence. To prove that he'd found you."

"Why?" she whispered.

"I don't know know. But, Bella, I swear I _will_ find out. I will."

"I know you will," she said, trustingly. I hoped I deserved her trust. I had no idea what this meant. I needed to talk to Carlisle. Bella laid her head against my chest.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, and pulled it out. Carlisle. As if he'd known.

"Just the person I need to talk to," I muttered, flipping it open. "Carlisle, I..."

"Edward, please listen for a minute," he interrupted me. I did as he'd asked. "The situation in Seattle is getting worse. This can't be just one newborn anymore. It's escalating too quickly. The numbers are getting higher, exponentially. Strange disappearances, always after dark. And the corpses are just being left in the streets. Whoever is killing these humans is inexplicably unconcerned with remaining inconspicuous. Very careless. Just inviting an intervention from Italy. It seems to be out of control, and if we are actually dealing with newborns, there's no one taking responsibility. Who is creating them, and just walking away? I can see that happen perhaps once, but continuously? And Alice can't get a vision about it, either; she's already tried. Jasper is getting worried. You know what he's been through, and he fears this might prompt a Volturi visit. That would certainly not be in our best interest at this moment, but I'm afraid I have to agree with him. He suggests that we may need to get involved, before it gets any worse, but doesn't really want to do that, at least not until we can get a better picture from Alice. It's not really our responsibility, but if you go with him and Emmett, maybe we can resolve this peacefully. Avoid exposure. And, most important, avoid a visit from Italy. No one seems to have explained the rules to the young ones, so maybe we need to step in, in order to protect Bella and ourselves. Have you seen today's paper?"

"I'll check it out," I promised. "Listen, we have a situation over here as well. There are items missing from Bella's room. Things with her scent. I think this unknown visitor came here for that purpose. To take her scent, to prove he's found her. What else could be the reason?"

Carlisle was silent for a moment. "I don't know, Edward. That doesn't make any sense to me at all. I'll ask Jasper – maybe he can give us some insight. In any case, Emmett is rearing to go to Seattle, and I'd rather he wouldn't. Not until Alice has a better idea of what's going on. And definitely not alone. Rosalie is upset with him, and she's been tearing around the house in a fury." He sighed. "You know how she is. If Alice can give us a better view of what is happening, would you go with Emmett and Jasper?"

"Maybe I'll go... " I started to say, but with a glance at Bella, changed my mind. I didn't dare leave her at this moment. "Maybe not. Don't let Emmett go alone, you know how he gets. At least ask Alice to keep an eye on things. We'll figure this out later." I ended the call and turned to Bella.

"Where's the paper?" I needed to see the reports from Seattle.

"Um, I'm not sure. Why?"

"I need to see something. Did Charlie already throw it out?"

"Maybe... " I was already out of the back door before she finished the word, and found the paper in the garbage bin. A half-second later, I smoothed the paper out on the kitchen table, scanning the headlines. There was the report. "_Murder Epidemic Continues – Police Have No New Leads._"

I read intently, trying to understand the extent of the problem. "Carlisle's right... yes... very sloppy," I mumbled to no one in particular. "Young and crazed? Or a death wish?" This was bad. I hadn't read really paid attention to the situation for a few weeks. My face pulled into a frown. What was happening to the east of us?

Bella was peeking over my shoulder. "It's getting worse," she muttered. That much was clear, but it made no sense.

"Altogether out of control. This can't be the work of just _one_ newborn vampire. What's going on? It's as if they've never heard of the Volturi. Which is possible, I guess. No one has explained the rules to them... so who is creating them, then?"

"The Volturi?" Bella asked, a shiver running through her body.

"This is exactly the kind of thing they routinely wipe out – immortals who threaten to expose us. They just cleaned up a mess like this a few years ago in Atlanta, and it hadn't gotten nearly this bad. They will intervene soon, very soon, unless we can find some way to calm the situation. I'd really rather they didn't come to Seattle just now. As long as they're this close... they might decide to check on you."

"What can we do?" Bella asked, shuddering again.

"We need to know more before we can decide that," I explained. "Perhaps if we can talk to these young ones, explain the rules, it can be resolved peacefully." I frowned again. If we were dealing with neophytes, there were too many of them, most likely, for that to be a real possibility. One newborn, even two, could be reasoned with. My family was large, and we had Jasper's extensive expertise, but with the exception of him, none of us had ever dealt with more than one at at time.

"We'll wait until Alice has an idea of what's going on... ," I continued. "We don't want to step in until it's absolutely necessary. After all, it's not our responsibility. But it's good we have Jasper. If we're dealing with newborns, he'll be helpful."

"Jasper? Why?"

I'd said too much. Too late to call back the words. I hadn't meant for Bella to hear this. But maybe she needed to know. No more lies, I'd promised her. My smile didn't reach my eyes. "Jasper is sort of an expert on young vampires," I said, keeping the words intentionally vague.

"What do you mean, an expert?"

I didn't like to betray my brother's confidence. Due to the mind reading, I'd always heard so much more than people meant for me to know. "You'll have to ask him – the story is involved." I would have to warn him, and ask him to leave out the gorier facts.

"What a mess," Bella mumbled, more to herself, it seemed.

I knew how she felt. "It does feel that way, doesn't it? Like it's coming at us from all sides these days." An unknown visitor. A problem that might invoke a visit from Italy. The possible disasters were surrounding us. If it weren't for me, Bella would be so much safer. I sighed. My proximity was yet again putting her in harm's way. "Do you ever think that your life might be easier if you weren't in love with me?"

Her answer was immediate. "Maybe. It wouldn't be much of a life, though." I didn't quite agree with her. I still thought she could do so much better.

"For me," I amended her words, gazing into her eyes. She was my whole world. Everything in my universe revolved around Bella. I couldn't imagine living without her. Ever again.

Time to change the subject. I smiled unevenly. "And now, I suppose, you have something you want to ask me?"

Her face was confused. "I do?"

"Or maybe not." I grinned at her, wondering if I had misread her earlier expression. "I was rather under the impression that you'd promised to ask my permission to go to some kind of werewolf soirée tonight." If she said she wanted to go, I would accept that.

"Eavesdropping again?" Bella glared a little, but broke into a smile. It indicated I wasn't in too much trouble for listening in.

My grin spread to my ears. "Just a bit, at the very end."

"Well, I wasn't going to ask you anyway. I figured you had enough to stress about." Her selflessness had me in awe, as always. She never thought of her own needs. It seemed I had to do this for her.

"Would you like to go?" I put my hand under her chin, and pulled up her face, so I could read her eyes, when she answered.

"It's no big thing. Don't worry about it." But the longing was still there, in her eyes. She was trying to hide it, but I could see it, anyway. I knew her face too well at this point.

"You don't have to ask my permission, Bella. I'm not your father – thank heaven for _that_." I was again getting lost in the melted chocolate of her gaze. "Perhaps you should ask Charlie, though."

"But you know Charlie will say yes."

That he would, I was certain, without having to ask. There wasn't much that would please him more. Anything that took Bella away from my presence was a good thing in his book. He'd only grudgingly, and under threat from her, allowed me back into the house after my initial return. And our strained relationship had only slightly improved since then.

"I do have a bit more insight into his probable answer than most people would, it's true," I said, in an attempt to keep it light.

Bella stared at me, scrutinizing my expression, gazing into my eyes. Trying to figure out whether I meant what I'd said. I tried to assure her that I did.

"Bella, I told you that I was going to be reasonable and trust your judgment. I meant that. If you trust the werewolves, then I'm not going to worry about them." Well, I would be anxiously waiting for her return. But I wouldn't be anxious about the dogs hurting her. At this point, I was as certain as I could be that they wouldn't.

"Wow," she simply said.

"And Jacob's right – about one thing, anyway – a pack of werewolves ought to be enough to protect even you for one night," I teased her.

"Are you sure?" Bella searched my face again.

As sure as I'd ever be. "Of course. Only..." I broke off, when her body tensed in expectancy of my conditions. I smiled reassuringly, before I continued. "I hope you won't mind taking a few precautions? Allowing me to drive you to the boundary line, for one. And then taking a cell phone, so that I'll know when to pick you up?"

"That sounds... very reasonable."

I beamed at her. "Excellent."

We waited for Charlie to get home. As expected, he was very much in favor of Bella attending the bonfire. He more or less kicked her out before she had even made his dinner. "I'll just order a pizza, Bells, don't worry," he said. His obvious preference for the dog did not surprise or even offend me. Jacob Black hadn't left Bella. Jacob Black hadn't caused her so much pain. I had.

Bella called Jacob to let him know the plan. His voice was exultant when he heard the news, and he promised to meet us at the line at six pm.

Charlie had gone to the living room. The TV was running. He was studiously ignoring us.

"Edward, do you think we could take my motorcycle back to La Push tonight?" Bella asked.

"Why?" The word was out before I could catch it.

"Well, I'd rather it be in Jacob's garage for now. It's really not very practical, and maybe he should at least get some money out of it, for fixing it up."

I frowned. What? I'd just bought the Ducati 848, and I'd been looking forward to riding with her. I pulled my expression together, but I wasn't entirely able to hide the consternation. I simply nodded in reply. Damn it.

Well, perhaps Jasper would like to explore the roads on one of the fastest bikes ever built. I briefly considered calling Alice to hide the bike, but decided against it. Maybe Bella would change her mind when she saw that we could go together.

Bella followed me home in her truck, the age of the decrepit engine determining the speed at which we were traveling. My foot was itching towards the gas pedal, but I kept my speed to match that of her truck. I wished she'd let me replace her dilapidated truck with a nice little Audi.

Bella pulled her truck into the garage at the house, and got out. I saw her gaze fall onto my new Ducati, standing next to her motorcycle. "What is _that_?" she asked indignantly.

Uh-oh. "Nothing," I murmured.

"It doesn't look like nothing," Bella challenged.

I decided to shrug it off. "Well, I didn't know if you were going to forgive your friend, or he you, and I wondered if you would still want to ride your bike anyway. It sounded like something that you enjoyed. I thought I could go with you, if you wished."

Bella stared at the Ducati, and her face looked wistful, almost sad. "I wouldn't be able to keep up with you," she whispered. Her voice sounded sad, too.

An old memory came to the surface. "_I'm absolutely ordinary_," she'd said, sitting across from me in the school cafeteria. "_Well, except for the bad things like all the near death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you_." That had been my first glimpse at her self-estimation. She hadn't seen herself clearly, hadn't known the fascination, the eternal _love_ she had unleashed in me. Was she still troubled by that?

I realized how the Ducati had to look to her, next to the old bike she'd been riding. Extravagant. Extraordinary. Ostentatious. Similar to Alice's Porsche next to Bella's ancient truck. Did she still feel _she_ was ordinary? Was that what was making her sad?

But she was wrong. So wrong. She was the most exquisite... the most beautiful... There weren't words strong to encapsulate what she meant to me.

I was nearly overcome by my urgent need to make her feel better. I put my hand under her chin and turned her face towards me. "I'd keep pace with you, Bella."

"That wouldn't be much fun for you." The sadness still reverberated in her voice.

"Of course it would, if we were together," I told her. I'd do anything if it meant being with her.

Bella chewed on her lip before she replied. "Edward, if you thought I was going too fast or losing control of the bike or something, what would you do?"

The horrifying images came unbidden. I knew exactly what I would do, and I could see that she knew the same truth. There was no other answer to her question. I'd do whatever it took to save her before she could get hurt. And involuntarily, I was jealous again. I tried to squash the feeling, but it was there nonetheless. I hated that this was something she obviously only enjoyed with the dog. With a lot of effort, I faked an easy smile. "This is something you do with Jacob. I see that now."

Bella must have seen right through me, because immediately, she tried to make _me_ feel better. And that made me feel even worse.

"It's just that, well, I don't slow him down so much, you know. I could try, I guess... " She trailed off, looking doubtfully at the sleek, silver motorcycle. I should have known better. I shouldn't have bought the bike.

"Don't worry about it," I said, making my voice unconcerned. I affected a laugh. "I saw Jasper admiring it. Perhaps it's time he discovered a new way to travel. After all, Alice has her Porsche now."

Bella was not convinced. "Edward, I..." I kissed her quickly to save her from further unnecessary apologies. I should be the one apologizing.

"I said not to worry. But would you do something for me?"

"Whatever you need," she replied instantly.

I leaned over the Ducati and retrieved the helmet and jacket from where Alice had put them. "Please?" I said, holding them out to her, with a crooked smile.

Bella took the helmet from me. "I'll look stupid," she said.

I disagreed. She could never look that way in my eyes. "No, you'll look smart. Smart enough not to get yourself hurt." I tossed the jacket over my arm, and gently put my hands on either side of her face. I gazed deeply into her eyes. I was getting lost in them again.

"There are things between my hand right now that I can't live without. You could take care of them," I told her. This was the truth. I couldn't – wouldn't – live without her ever again.

"Okay, fine. What's that other thing?" She was still suspicious. I laughed, and pulled up the jacket by the collar.

"It's a riding jacket," I answered. "I hear road rash it quite uncomfortable, not that I would know myself." I held the jacket out for her.

Bella sighed deeply, but with a quick motion flipped her long tresses back and put the helmet on. She put her arms through the sleeves, and I pulled up the jacket's zipper. I tried to suppress a smile at her sullenness, but she was just too adorable. I took a small step back.

"Be honest, how hideous do I look?" she grumbled.

I took another step back. How did she _look_? Beautiful. Overwhelmingly beautiful. The black leather clung to her form, emphasizing the soft curves of her narrow shoulders, her chest, her flat stomach. It enhanced the smallness of her waist, and it made her look.... sensual. Seductive. Desire flooded my body. She took my breath away.

"No, no, Bella. Actually... " How could I put my feelings into words? What word would convey how… how... aroused – yes, that was it – I suddenly was, seeing her in this simple leather jacket? "You look.... sexy," I finally said.

Bella laughed at my choice of words. "Right."

"Very sexy, really," I managed to say.

"You are just saying that so that I'll wear it," she replied. "But that's okay. You're right, it's smarter."

I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her tightly against me. She had no idea what she'd just done to me. "You're silly. I suppose that's part of your charm. Though, I'll admit it, this helmet does have its drawbacks." I carefully took it off her head.

And then I leaned down, and kissed her gently on her lips. Bella's reaction was as immediate and intense as always. Her arms flew with nearly inhuman speed around my neck, and the soft curves of her body were pressed to mine in the next instant. I caught her in my arms.

The helmet dropped to the ground, and I cared not where it fell. My fingers automatically wove themselves into her hair, and held her head securely in place. The kiss intensified. Her mouth opened slightly under my lips. My body reacted the same way it had the last time. Overwhelming passion, unadulterated desire raced through my veins. Resisting the temptation was getting harder every day. I wanted to let go, let myself fall into her. One hand moved to the small of her back, and I pulled her more tightly against me. Ah – she was breathtaking. Unparalleled. Mine.

Remembering where we were, I regained control, and pulled back to break off the kiss. I chuckled when she made a face. "I love you," I whispered.

"I know," she whispered back, smiling. I laughed quietly. She had no idea.

"Well, I suppose we should get going," I said. "Why don't you step inside to chat with Alice for a moment, while I load up your bike? I'll come get you when I'm done."

"Okay," she said simply, and, with a smile, walked into the house.

It didn't take me long to put the small motorcycle into the trunk of my car, and I threw the helmet and jacket in as well. "_She may as well keep those at the dog's place, too, if she's going to ride the bike with him_," I thought to myself.

Jasper walked into the garage. "Hey, Jazz," I greeted him. "It turns out I won't need the bike, after all. Can I interest you in taking it for a test spin?"

"Are you serious?" His eyes lit up.

I nodded. "Yes, it appears that I may have purchased it, er, a little prematurely. Now that Alice has her Porsche, maybe you'd like a ride of your own?"

"Are you serious?" he asked again, a smile spreading across his face.

"Of course," I told him. "I hope you'll enjoy it." I couldn't quite finish the sentence, before the Ducati whined to life, and he peeled out of the garage. I watched him disappear down the driveway.

It was time to take Bella to the Quileute line to meet with Jacob Black, so I went inside the house to get her. She was sitting on the couch next to Alice, and both looked up when I walked in.

"Time to go, love," I said. My insides were already in turmoil, just thinking about what I was about to do. Drop her off. Leave her with the wolves.

"Okay," she replied, and jumped off the couch and walked quickly past me to the back door. Too eager, perhaps? I didn't like that much. "See you later, Alice."

"Bye," Alice called after her. "Edward, that was a very nice thing you did for Jasper."

"Don't mention it," I said, winking at her. "I'll be back soon."

Bella was waiting for me by the Volvo. "Ready to go?" I asked her.

"Yes. Are you?"

Not really, but what choice did I have at this point? I managed a smile. "Yes, ma'am." I opened the passenger door, and waited for her to climb in. When I was certain she could no longer see my face, I let the grimace come to the surface. This whole tolerant acceptance concept was much harder than I'd thought.

I recomposed my face before getting in the car. "Here is the cell phone. Just call me when you're ready to come home," I said and handed her Alice's phone. "My number is programmed in." I smiled at her. "_Come home soon_," I thought.

She put it in her jeans pocket. "Thanks."

I pulled out of the garage into the driveway, wanting to say many things, but unable to do so. Bella was quiet, too. We drove in silence.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Bella suddenly asked."It's just like when I was a kid and Renee would pass me off to Charlie for the summer. I feel like a seven-year old."

She sure didn't look like one. The soft curves that I knew were hidden underneath her sweater were proof positive of that. I laughed.

"_What's taking so long_?" Jacob Black was already impatiently waiting near the line. We rounded a curve, nearly half way to La Push, and I could see him. He was leaning against a red Volkswagen Rabbit that had seen better days. His face broke into a smile, when Bella waved at him. I stopped the Volvo a good thirty yards away from him, and got out, flashing around the car to open the door for her. I held out my hand to help her out.

"Call me whenever you're ready to come home," I told her. "And I'll be here." I'd be waiting with bated breath for her call, cell phone in hand.

"I won't be out late," she replied. I suppressed a sigh. No matter how soon she'd call, it wasn't soon enough for me.

I quickly stroked my fingers over her cheek before walking to the trunk to pull out her bike, as well as the new helmet and riding jacket.

"_What the hell..._? _Why's she bringing the bike_? _Ah, damn_! _He thought to get her a helmet. I should've done that long ago._" The dog was no longer smiling. Neither was I when I saw the pictures in his head. The many visits to the emergency room. I suppressed a shudder.

Bella tucked the helmet under her arm and laid the jacket over the bike's seat. "Do you have it all?" I asked her. Did she need help pushing the bike to the line? Maybe I should assist her.

"No problem," she replied. Of course not. I sighed.

Here now was the hard part. Letting her go. Tolerance, I reminded myself. I'd promised her to be reasonable. Trust her. But this was much more difficult than I'd imagined.

I leaned down to her to kiss her goodbye. She turned her face up to me. I wound my arms around her tightly, and kissed her deeply. For a split second I considered whisking her back to the car, and driving off with her. Take her someone where we'd be all alone. The passions had woken up as soon as our lips met. Ah – how I loved her, wanted her – forever.

"_Ugh, ugh, enough of that. Disgusting. I'm gonna throw up. How can she kiss the leech like that? That's practically assault._"

Bella gasped for air, and I broke off the kiss, laughing quietly at the mutt's thoughts. Jealous, was he? I knew the feeling well.

"Goodbye," I said. "I really do like the jacket."

She slowly turned away, and the panic gripped me. No. No. I didn't want to let her go. Not safe. She wasn't safe without me. Stay, I begged her in my mind. Please stay. Don't go. Don't leave me. I tried to compose my face before she would notice.

With my hand on the car door to steady myself, I watched her slight form push the bike towards the boundary line. No. No. It almost felt like I was abandoning her. Putting my trust into a pack of overgrown mutts. Handing her to the wolves. Anxiety flared. I tried to suppress it. Bella had said they wouldn't hurt her. They hadn't so far. I had to trust her assessment. Accept it. I got into the car, and turned over the engine.

"What's all that?" Jacob Black asked, when Bella was just a few feet from the line. He was worried that she'd want him to sell the bike. I was hoping she would.

"I thought I should put this back where it belongs," she replied.

"_Oh. Cool. Maybe we'll go for ride next time she comes over._" His face broke into a wide smile. I gripped the steering wheel to keep myself from running after her. Next time? I was barely able to stand it _this_ time.

As soon as she crossed the line, he pushed himself away from the wreck he called a car, and closed the distance in a few strides. I saw his intention before he reached her, and my foot involuntarily pressed down on the gas pedal. Fortunately, the Volvo was not yet in gear. He put the bike on the kickstand, and then his arms wound her around her, and her feet were dangling in the air.

I was on automatic pilot as this point. I threw the car in gear, and spun the wheels around. It was too much. Tolerance or not, I couldn't bear to watch this. It pained me too much. Leaving her with him. Seeing him touch her. Too much.

"Cut it out, Jake," I heard Bella's voice in his head, before she disappeared from my rearview mirror.

I realized I'd forgotten to tell her that I loved her.


	8. Wait

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some, okay - most, of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ It is a retelling of portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that you feel is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, to understand what makes him tick. Any and all comments are welcome.

This 8th Chapter is called "Wait". It is based on chapter 11 in Eclipse, where it is called 'Legends'. Bella is in La Push at the Bonfire. Edward is at home with his siblings. He's going crazy waiting for Bella's call and tries, with help, to distract himself. Most of this chapter contains made up dialogue, which is however based on the events in Eclipse. I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions for Edward as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! Also, while Bella's emotions are clearly described in the books (as she lives them), because Edward can't hear her mind, I have in some rare instances chosen to change the emotions to what I thought he might perceive. I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Disclaimer: Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing these books. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for reading.

**8. Wait**

Late evening.

I was going crazy with worry. Anxiety. Jealousy. More worry. The emotions swirled endlessly through my entire body. I was pacing the living room, waiting for my phone to ring. I pulled it out of my pocket every few seconds to make sure I hadn't missed her call.

The screen stayed empty, and I resumed striding back and forth through the room. What was taking so long? This little party should have been over by now. How long could they possibly sit around a bonfire? What were they doing?

"Edward, for crying out loud! Will you stop?" Alice threw up her hands. "I know you're a little stressed out, but my goodness, you are driving me insane."

"_Don't I have enough on my plate already_?" She was sitting on the couch, with Jasper next to her. Emmett and Rosalie had gone up in their room, and I was trying my best to tune them out. Carlisle was at work, and Esme was watching over Charlie.

Jasper tried again to calm me, but his efforts bounced off me uselessly. He sighed. "_Perhaps you would consider how your emotions are affecting me_?"

"Edward," he said. "She's fine. She's okay. Just calm down. Please."

I glared at him. "And how would you know that, Jasper?" I sarcastically asked him. "Have you suddenly acquired a new ability? Are you a psychic as well now?"

"Good grief, Edward," Alice snapped at me. "Weren't you the one who decided to trust the wolves to keep her safe?"

"Thank you for the reminder, Alice," I snarled at her ferociously, "in case you hadn't noticed, saying that I would trust them was just a tad easier than actually doing it. Are you familiar with that feeling? No? Then perhaps you should not speak to it."

"That is quite enough, Edward," Jasper defended his love, and I heard the growl build in his chest. "I know Carlisle promised you that we would help you get through this, and while I certainly understand how you feel, I can't let you snap at Alice like that. We've all been trying our best to pass the time with you, but enough is enough."

He was right, of course, and I felt appropriately chastised. "I'm sorry. You're right. Alice, I apologize. This isn't fair to either of you. I'm just so worried. It's getting awfully late, and she hasn't called yet. What if something happened to her?"

Alice walked over to me and wrapped her arm around my waist. "I know, Edward. But please, for me, for us – try to think positive. I'm sure she'll call very soon."

I sighed. The call couldn't come soon enough. I had dropped Bella off at the Quileute line at six, and by now it was nearly eleven-thirty. The last five and a half hours had been a little difficult, to say the least. Alice and Jasper had done their very best to try and distract me.

Alice had encouraged me to play the piano, asking for her favorites, Esme's favorites, and then Bella's lullaby. That last request had been a bad idea, because it reminded me of the first time I'd played it for Bella, and the memory had exacerbated my stress. I'd had to stop in the middle of it, my fingers refusing to touch another key.

Emmett and Rosalie had been watching TV, and fighting over the remote.

"Emmett, I've had enough sports for one night. Give me the remote, or I swear I'm going to rip up the TV like Edward did." I'd winced at the reminder. I'd replaced the previously destroyed flat screen a while ago, but Emmett had not been happy about having to wait for it to arrive from Japan.

"Rose," Emmett had pleaded. "It's the playoffs. Come on, please?"

"No," Rosalie had growled. "I can't stand another minute of it. Watch it by yourself. I'm going upstairs." Tossing her hair back, she'd rushed up the stairs.

"_I can't believe he would choose sports over me. Pinhead._" I'd suppressed a grin.

Emmett had looked after her. "_I'll finish this game, and then maybe I'll try to get back in her good graces. Oh – go, go – yeah! That was an awesome shot. Maybe UConn will win, after all._" It hadn't taken but a second before he'd already been focused on the game again.

We'd played a few games of chess; well – Alice and I did. The others wouldn't play against either one of us. "Sorry," Jasper had said with a grin. "I love you, Alice, but you know as well as I do, that this would be a losing battle from the first move. I refuse to be a victim for either of you."

After playing chess, Alice had tried to distract me with the graduation party she was planning for Bella. Officially, it was billed as a party for the three of us, but I didn't think Bella would be fooled. She was much too perceptive, and saw right through Alice's little shenanigans. As well as mine.

"I sent out the party invitations yesterday," Alice had announced excitedly. "I even included directions so people won't get lost on the way here."

"Who'd you invite?" Jasper had asked, grinning. "Judging by the size of the stack you dropped off at the post office, it can't have been just the senior class."

Alice had laughed. "Well, I decided to invite most of the Juniors, too. Oh, I have so much to do still. I hope you'll help me put up the lights in the trees, won't you, Jazz?" Without waiting for his answer, she'd jumped off the couch and danced around the room. Jasper and both had laughed at her exuberance.

"And, I want to decorate the house. I picked up a huge, mirrored disco ball in Seattle, and all the spot lights have to be installed just right. It will look fabulous. Maybe Emmett will help, too. Esme will order the food, she said, so I don't have to worry about that. We'll set up the buffet in the dining room, so it's easily accessible." She'd seen my suspicious glance. "Yes, Edward, it will be normal human food. Probably from that Italian place in Port Angeles. The one you took Bella to. I saw online that they offer catering, so that works out great. And...," she'd remembered to breathe, "I already purchased outfits for you and Bella for graduation, Edward. And a little something for myself." Her eyes had been lit up with her excitement. "Deep blue for her – I know how much you like that color." She'd winked at me.

Despite my stress I'd grinned. Leave it to Alice. "I hope it's nothing low-cut. She might not wear it. Like the prom dress? You had to force her into it. Though I have to admit, that was one of your best picks yet." Alice giggled. "_Happy to help, Edward._"

I'd thought back to the junior prom I'd taken Bella to. She had looked amazing. The silky dress had clung to her fragile form, enhancing her slender figure, though barely hiding the hideous walking cast. The dress's color had so gorgeously complemented the creaminess of her skin tone. Bella had blushed deeply at my appreciative stare. She had been a vision from a another world – simply breathtaking. I still owed Alice for that one.

"I can't believe she wouldn't let you take her to the prom this year," Alice had continued. "I saw the perfect designer dress in one of the Parisian fashion magazine, and it would have been stunning on her. It's not fair. You always give her whatever she wants. What about what I want?"

Jasper had looked at her incredulously. "I beg your pardon? Are you trying to imply that you don't get what you want, ever?"

Alice had giggled and blown a kiss at him. "I wasn't talking about you, my dear."

I'd snorted. "If you'll remember, I agreed to let you have this party. How do you plan to tell Bella about it, anyway? You're not thinking of making me tell her, are you?" I'd asked her in an attempt to get her off the prom subject. "Please don't make it any more difficult for me by making this a surprise."

Alice had grimaced. "Well, I thought about keeping it a secret, but when I decided on it, the vision was very clear. She won't like it at all. She was freaking out. She might decide not to come. You'd have to force her."

"Well, then," I'd said. "That's not going to happen. You'll have to tell her."

"Please, Edward? I'd like it so much better as a surprise."

"I don't think so, Alice. I'm not going to let you do that to her. She was angry enough with me when we kept the prom a secret. I'm not putting her through that again. Besides, I promised her no more lies."

"Please?" Alice had begged.

"No," my voice had been firm.

"Oh, all right," she'd grumbled. "Fine, then. I'll tell her tomorrow at school. That way she'll have a week to prepare herself. It's probably best, anyway. Once the invitations arrive, the whole school will be buzzing. I've seen that, too." She was all excited again at the end, a wide grin on her face. "It'll be just fabulous."

Jasper had laughed at her, but quickly stopped under Alice's somewhat murderous glare. "Are you laughing at me?"

"_Uh-oh_," he'd thought. Not that she'd ever hurt him.

"No, of course not, Alice." He'd squeezed her hand. I'd suppressed a grin.

"Edward," he'd turned to me, his tone suddenly serious. "Have you read the paper today?"

Jasper was getting very concerned, and had already solicited my advice in fleshing out a plan of action. He was adamant that we not get involved until we knew what we were dealing with, and asked for my help with Emmett, who was, in typical fashion, rearing to go, and wanted nothing more than to simply wipe out the menace. He relied on his strength way too much, in Jasper's opinion, and needed training to deal with a newborn. Of course, Jasper's concern was primarily borne out of his innate need to keep Alice safe. Nothing mattered more to him.

Jasper had also suggested that we implement practicing sessions to learn about working with more than one neophyte at a time. We were both convinced at this point that we were dealing with at least four or five of them, possibly more, based on the latest death tolls from Seattle.

Emmett's head whipped up. "_Is he talking about what I think he's talking about_?"

"Yes, just this morning, actually," I'd answered Jasper's question. "I'm a little concerned about a possibly visit from Italy, as you can imagine." I hadn't told him about the report I'd seen in Bella's house that morning. "I already talked to Carlisle."

"So did I, and I think we may need to do some reconnaissance missions before we get involved. If we get involved at all. Emmett here is all ready to roll, but I don't feel comfortable doing that until we can get a clearer picture from Alice."

"I say let's go now. I'm completely bored," Emmett confirmed. "What are we waiting for?"

"We don't know what we'll find, Emmett," Jasper had cautioned. "It's never a good idea to go blindly into battle. Alice hasn't been able to see anything, as you know."

"Well, maybe it's because she won't see anything, until we make up our minds to go," Emmett had suggested. I stared at him for a moment. That actually wasn't a half-bad idea.

"That's not a bad thought," I'd said. "Let's give it a try. Alice?"

"It can't hurt, I suppose," she'd agreed.

Jasper had nodded. "I agree. Let's think about it, visualize it. We'll go tomorrow. Ready?"

But no matter which way we approached it, what day we picked; no matter who we decided was going, Alice still hadn't been able to pick up anything, and the constant trying had made her weary.

"_Enough_!_ It's not happening_!" Jasper's thought had been fiercely protective as Alice's face had become more and more stressed. "All right," he'd commanded. "Let's stop. It's obviously not working, and Alice needs to rest for a moment."

"I'm sorry," she'd said. "I do need to stop. I can't do anymore right now. Not if I want to keep myself open for anything else."

"We've got to do _something_! Come on, let's go already." Emmett had jumped up from his chair. "I want to kick some newborn butt."

From upstairs, Rosalie's furious snarl had reverberated through the house. "_Are you out of your mind_?"

"NO!" Jasper and I had shouted simultaneously. I'd inclined my head to Jasper to let him continue. "No, Emmett. We're not doing this blind. Let's just wait."

"Fine," he'd grumbled, stomping up the stairs to his room. Rosalie had quickly turned his focus to other matters.

I'd looked at Alice. "Have you seen anything new from Italy?"

She'd shaken her head. "No. Nothing. I've expanded to include anything from Caius or Jane, but there's been just... nothing. They either haven't gotten the news yet, which I find hard to believe, or they've decided not to intervene yet. And that's a little difficult to believe as well."

"So, it's not likely that Bella's visitor originated with the Volturi?" I'd asked her.

"It's still possible, I suppose, but not likely, no," she'd confirmed.

I'd explained to Jasper about Bella's missing things. Was it just coincidence, like Esme had suggested? But why would Bella's things have been taken? We'd tried out different reasons, different scenarios, but could not come to a conclusion that made sense.

I'd lost my focus after that. My thoughts returned to Bella, again and again. Was she all right? What was she doing? What was taking her so long? Was she hurt? Had that big gray one, Paul, lost his temper? Why hadn't she called? My mind conjured up more horrifying scenarios by the minute.

I shouldn't have agreed to let her go. I should have put my foot down. Prevented her from going. What had I been thinking?

The werewolves were too dangerous after all. She'd been wrong about them. I'd been wrong to trust them. To trust Jacob Black to keep her safe. Oh, God, what if she was badly hurt? Or, dead? Why hadn't she _called_ yet?

"_Please, God, no, no_..." – I found myself praying to the creator for the first time in my vampire existence. "_Please, oh please, let her be all right. Please, I'll do anything, everything, just let her be unhurt. Safe. Return her to me whole. God, please, oh please_." Anxiety, anguished worry, was driving me insane. Alice and Jasper were staring at me, their faces awash with concern. I'd frozen in place, my breathing shallow and irregular.

"Edward?" Alice asked, her arms still wrapped around me. "What's wrong?"

I didn't answer, because at precisely eleven thirty-four, the buzzing phone in my pocket saved me from going utterly out of my mind. I picked up at the first ring. "Bella?"

"Uh, no. This is Jacob. Bella fell asleep at the bonfire. Sorry it's so late." Utter relief flooded my silent heart. Bella was all right. She was fine. She was just sleeping.

Surprise. The dog was calling? That was... unexpected. And quite... considerate. I briefly wondered if he had an ulterior motive, but I couldn't hear his thoughts through the phone.

"Is she all right?" I asked him, still a little anxious.

"Yeah, she's fine. I put her in my car already, but she didn't wake up. Can you meet us in, say, fifteen minutes at the border?"

"Yes, of course," I replied. "I'll be there. Does Charlie know?"

"Yeah, I called him first and explained."

"Oh," I only said. I was surprised again, at the mutt's foresight to call Bella's father, so he wouldn't be angry. It was a school night, after all.

"Yeah. Okay, so, see you in a few, then."

"Yes. Thank you, Jacob."

"Uh-huh." And he hung up.

I looked at Alice and Jasper, my eyes feverish with anticipation. "She's fine. She fell asleep. I have to go."

Alice smiled. "Hurry, then," she said, but I was already in my car before she could finish. The Volvo's tires squealed as I tore out of the garage.

I reached the treaty border in less than ten minutes. They weren't there, yet. I got out of the car and started pacing again. "_Come on, come on_," I thought to myself. "_Hurry up, already_."

Headlights in the distance. Ah – finally.

"_Impatient, are ya, bloodsucker_?" I picked up the errant thought before he stopped the car. Bella was asleep in the passenger seat, with the mutt's arm around her. I didn't appreciate that. He gently shook her arm. "C'mon, Bells. We're here."

Bella blinked. Her face looked confused. "Oh, crap," she gasped. "How late is it? Dang it, where's that stupid phone?" I saw her patting her pockets.

"Easy. It's not even midnight yet. And I already called him for you. Look – he's waiting there."

"Midnight?" Bella repeated, staring out the windshield. Her heartbeat sped up. Was she happy to see me, or scared I'd be angry? I couldn't tell. Her hand moved to the door handle.

"Here," the dog said, handing her the cell phone.

"You called Edward for me?" Bella asked him, sounding surprised.

He smiled at her. "I figured if I played nice, I'd get more time with you." I'd _known_ he'd have some ulterior motive for calling me. Suspicion confirmed.

"Thanks, Jake," Bella said. "Really, thank you. And thanks for inviting me tonight. That was... Wow. That was something else."

Bella sounded like she had enjoyed herself. It was just stories, based on the mutt's thoughts. Legends of how they came to be. And of course, the vampires. The cold ones, they called us. Interesting. "_Maybe I should mention that to Carlisle_," I thought.

"And you didn't even stay up to watch me swallow the cow," he laughed. This appeared to be some joke between them, because I could tell he wasn't serious. "No, I'm glad you liked it," he continued. "It was... nice for me. Having you there."

Well, I surely was glad I could help him out like that. Now, if he didn't mind, could Bella please come over to my side? Hadn't I waited long enough? I cleared my throat, like I had earlier this morning, still pacing anxiously in front of my car.

Bella looked through the windshield again, and the mutt noticed she was looking for me. "Yeah, he's not so patient, is he? Go ahead. But come back soon, okay?"

How about never? Would never work for him? And then I remembered how much this friendship with the overgrown mongrel meant to Bella, and I reined in the jealousy.

Acceptance. Tolerance. I obviously needed to work some more on that. I sighed.

"Sure, Jake," I heard Bella say. I sighed again. Well, if this was what she needed, I would have to be more tolerant. The car door opened. I stopped pacing.

"Sleep tight, Bells. Don't worry about anything – I'll be watching out for you tonight." I was glad to hear he was going to make himself useful again.

Bella still wasn't all the way out of the car. "No, Jake. Get some rest, I'll be fine." Of course she would be. I'd be right next to her all night, wide awake, watching over her.

"Sure, sure," the dog replied, in a very patronizing voice. I bristled at his tone. And then wrestled the feeling down. Tolerance. Acceptance. I knew he meant well. He loved her, too. I wished I could hate him for it. But I couldn't. I simply couldn't hate what loved Bella.

Bella had finally left his car. "Night, Jake," she said. "Thanks."

"Night, Bella," he whispered, so low that I wasn't sure she heard it. I was momentarily affected by the sadness in his thoughts, but forgot about him when I saw her hurry towards me. She looked so tired.

I rushed towards the boundary line, intent on catching her the second she crossed it. And then she was finally in my arms again, and I was flooded with emotions. I took a deep breath, inhaling her scent, ignoring the dog's stink, letting the fire burn in my throat. "Bella," I said, my voice saturated with my relief at having her safely returned to my arms.

"Hi. Sorry I'm so late," she said. "I fell asleep and..."

"I know. Jacob explained." I gently pulled her towards the car. She stumbled next to me, and it reminded me of the way she had moved after our escape from Volterra. "Are you tired? I could carry you."

"I'm fine."

"Let's get you home and in bed. Did you have a nice time?" I asked her solicitously.

"Yeah – it was amazing, Edward. I wish you could have come." So did I. "I can't even explain it. Jake's dad told us the old legends and it was like... magic."

I found myself actually interested in hearing the stories I had seen glimpses of in the dog's mind. "You have to tell me about it. After you've slept," I told her.

"I won't get it right," Bella replied, and her mouth opened wide in a huge yawn.

I chuckled. When we reached the car, I helped her into her seat, and buckled her in. The dog was leaving. His headlights swept across the Volvo. Bella lifted her arm to wave, but he didn't see it.

I flashed to the driver's side and got in. I'd left the engine running so it would be warm enough inside for Bella. I quickly drove her home.

Charlie was waiting for her, when we walked up to the house, my arm steadying her. I leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I'll be back soon," I whispered, before I closed the front door behind her, and went back to my car. Esme was in the woods behind the house.

"Hi, Dad. Sorry I'm so late."

"Hey there, Bells. Jake called to let me know you'd be a little later." Charlie called out from the couch. "Well, get upstairs. You have school in the morning."

"Night, Dad," Bella said, and I heard her trudging up the stairs. My phone rang. It was Esme, checking in. She must have seen us arrive.

"Hi, Esme," I said when I answered.

"Did Bella have a good time tonight?"

"Yes, I think so. Anything happen?"

"No," Esme answered. "It's been quiet. Charlie watched TV all night."

"Would you prefer to take the car home yourself?"

"Sure," she replied. "I'll meet you around the corner."

I was glad that Esme was driving home. It meant I could be with Bella so much sooner. Esme hugged me fiercely before getting in the Volvo and driving off. Five seconds later, I was sliding through Bella's open bedroom window. She was standing there, looking out into the forest.

"Is Jacob out there?" she asked me as I shook the rain from my hair.

I ranged my ears outward for a second, and heard heavy paws thudding through the forest. Damn, but he was fast. "Yes... somewhere. And Esme's on her way home."

Bella sighed, shivering by the open window. "It's so cold and wet. This is silly."

I chuckled. We didn't feel the cold, and Jacob Black had a built-in fur coat. "It's only cold to _you_, Bella. Let's get you into bed."

She yawned again in response. "I need a human minute," she said and went to the bathroom. I heard her run the water, and brush her teeth. When she came back, she had changed out of her clothes into cotton shorts and a short-sleeved top. The material clung to her slender form. She looked absolutely breathtaking. I stopped thinking for a moment.

My breathing hitched when I caught sight of her bare stomach. How soft that skin must be. I wanted to touch it, feel it under my fingertips, claim her again... No. Now was not the time. Besides, she was tired. And I still had to rectify an earlier oversight. How could I have forgotten to tell her that I loved her?

I carefully tucked her into her quilt before laying down next to her. She snuggled to my chest and sighed again. I gently pulled her close, and kissed her forehead. She raised her face to me expectantly. I chuckled again, knowing what she wanted. "Oh, all right," I said, smiling, and lowered my face to hers for a goodnight kiss. Her eyes closed.

"I love you," I whispered, before I kissed her on her full lips. Her arm shot out from under the blanket and wrapped around my neck. Her hand wove into my hair. I took a breath through my nose; the fire in my throat intensified, but I ignored it. My venom didn't flood my mouth. I wasn't tempted by her blood anymore.

Her heart was fluttering. The reactions I was able to evoke in her still amazed me, and filled me with shameless pride. I closed my eyes. Heedless desire for her washed over me, and I deepened the kiss.

My hand moved to her face, cupping it. Bella's breathing sped up. Her tongue flickered across my lips, and she moaned. The simple sound of her pleasure nearly sent me to the brink.

My hand dropped to her shoulder and slid itself underneath the blanket, to her waist, to the small of her back, pulling her closer against me. I could feel her skin through the thin shirt she was wearing, and let my hand slide under her shirt. The skin on her back was softer than I'd imagined.

I wanted her, craved her with a need that was as irrational as it was unexpected. Her bare leg intertwined with mine. Her small fingers danced on the plains of my chest, the heat from her hand sending tingling electricity to every cell in my body.

The musky scent of her rising passion ascended to my nose, and it mixed with her unique fragrance. Surprisingly, maddeningly, it was compelling me to push further. Thought processes slowed in my mind. Self-control was beginning to evade me. I wanted to let go, wanted to feel her soft skin against mine. Touch her everywhere. I slowly traced the curves of her back with my fingertips.

Bella moaned and shuddered, and then crushed herself even closer. Heat rose from her flushed skin. Her lips shaped themselves around mine more fiercely. Her chest heaved against me and I could feel the hardness of her womanly buds through her shirt. Oh... oh... Bella's sensual responses, her willingness to give herself up to my bold actions were inciting my body respond in turn.

My head was swimming. Muscles involuntarily tightened in my groin, and fluids rushed to my manhood. The feeling was brand-new, staggering. A part of my mind quickly flipped through ninety years of memories, but I couldn't recall a time when this had ever happened before. What was Bella doing to me?

A heedless monster awoke, and banished the thought. It wanted to stake its claim. "_Feel_," it whispered seductively. "_Just let yourself feel for once. Don't think._" The alluring voice overpowered my mind.

The wanton fantasies rose to the surface. I wanted, no – _needed _to taste the flavor of her skin, run my tongue over every inch of her incredible body, watch her writhe underneath me. Possess her. Intimately. Completely. The carnal beast rejoiced. "_Yes – yes – that's it – keep going._"

No. No! I fought to push the pictures back, but Bella's tongue stole across my mouth again, and unthinkingly, I allowed my own to meet hers. I shouldn't have done that. This time, I was the one moaning. The electricity of this unfamiliar touch, the sweet taste of her tongue on mine pushed me over the edge.

Instantly, I was falling. The beast jubilated, so close to achieving what it wanted. It could see the prize in the distance, and increased its speed to race towards the finish line.

My mind screamed angrily at the reckless monster. It knew that if I didn't stop now, I would simply take Bella, without further thought, and claim her as mine. Lose myself in her.

And then I would hurt her. Break her. Kill her. The beast growled in defiance. It wanted to finish what it had unleashed.

With extraordinary effort, assisted my deep-seated love for the girl in my arms, I forced myself to pull back before I completely lost control, trying desperately to slow my breathing. Bella was gasping for air, clinging to me.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I murmured. "That was way out of line."

"No, no, I'm fine" she choked out, sucking in another shallow breath. I groaned quietly, and tucked her back into the blanket.

"You have no idea, Bella. Sleep, my love. It's very late." She sighed, but reluctantly complied and put her head back on my chest. I started humming her lullaby. After a minute, her breathing slowed, her heartbeat found a steady rhythm. Bella feel asleep quickly.

Still staggered by my actions and my body's maddening responses, I examined what had just happened. Why was it so difficult to resist her, to fight against the temptation to let her give herself to me? I was certain she would if I'd allowed it, if I erased the rigid boundaries I had set for our physical relationship. I knew very well I couldn't do_ that_, so why was I losing control so easily, so quickly? What had happened to my discipline?

Bella's reactions were easily explained through normal, human hormones. I'd smelled the pheromones her own arousal had released. They were still swirling at the back of my throat, feeding the monster in my head.

But Bella deserved better than this reckless beast. I couldn't just ravish her like I was a villain in a bad movie. I shook my head, disgusted with my selfishness. Repulsed by the beast inside me that wanted nothing more. Where had it come from? In countless years as a vampire, these types of hungers had never risen to the surface of my consciousness. Never. There'd never been anyone who made me feel the way Bella did.

Nearly... human, at least in that aspect. Like a teenager, almost, and I knew all about those. My many years in various high schools had fully exposed me to the illicit exploits of the normal human teenager.

But Bella was not a normal teenager, I knew that. Even if I couldn't read her mind. Her selflessness, her goodness, the sacrifices she made so willingly, were not usually exhibited by a human boy or girl. Especially the boys like Mike Newton, whose little fantasies about the girls in school had always been revolting to me. It had made me extremely angry when, upon her arrival, he had started to include Bella in those thoughts, and I had experienced jealousy for the first time in my existence. Jealousy had turned to utter elation when I realized that _I _was the only one she'd ever said yes to. This small feat still boggled my mind.

It wasn't like I didn't know about matters of the sexual kind, certainly, especially with Emmett and Rosalie around, but there had never been a time when I had felt the urge to explore that particular world. I'd just never felt the need. Or the desire. Was the newness, the unfamiliarity of these hungers, these _needs,_ why I had such a hard time resisting Bella? Why it had become so difficult to discipline myself?

Bella was just as virginal as I in these matters, and carnal knowledge was supposed to happen inside a marriage only. The commonly accepted rules of most organized religions required chastity until then. So, even if Bella and Carlisle were correct in their belief that our souls were not lost in the transformation, I certainly wasn't going to doom her any further than what I had already agreed to. Her soul, if not lost after all, was far too important than my own selfish desires.

It wasn't like I had any hope for myself, even if Carlisle was right. It was too late for me. I had broken all those rules. Except for one.

If... when... if Bella accepted my offer to change her myself, and became my wife, then down the road, after her newborn period, we would be able to fully consummate our relationship. It wasn't possible now. Not until she was just as unbreakable as I was. I would have to wait. Suppress the desire, rein in the hungers, the overwhelming need that had been unleashed without my permission.

Distract myself. Be more disciplined. Keep her needs firmly at the forefront of my mind. Instead of my own. I would have to redraw the boundary lines. And then stick to them. I had, without a doubt, crossed them once too many already. And damn it, I wanted her to _marry_ me. Be my wife. Mine alone. Everything else could wait.

I let my eyes wander around her room. The ghastly book she'd been reading again was on her nightstand. It was as good a distraction as any, so I picked it up and started to immerse myself in the story of Heathcliff and Catherine. I didn't much like the literary style of using flashbacks, preferring a linear story, so the book already had one strike against it. The gothic and dark, supernatural undertones were the second. And the idiocy of the characters presented the third strike.

The premise of the novel was one of all-encompassing but doomed love, set in the dark and often drab surroundings of the moors in Yorkshire, England, in the nineteenth century. The hero, and the term had to be used loosely, because there was nothing remotely heroic about the character, was Heathcliff, a bitter, malicious, vengeful man.

Adopted as a foundling by the owner of Wuthering Heights manor, as he grows up, he falls deeply in love with his foster sister, Catherine. Over the years, they become inseparable. She reciprocates his feelings passionately, but then after her father dies, does nothing to stop her brother, Hindley, from destroying and abusing the man she claims to love. Her selfishness prevents her from marrying Heathcliff, because she fears that they would be penniless. She even goes as far as marrying his rival, Edgar Linton, after Heathcliff leaves.

After Catherine declares herself for Edgar, Heathcliff, feeling utterly betrayed, departs the story for three years, presumably to make his fortune. He returns to Wuthering Heights a rich man, bent on vindicating himself. He proceeds to unleash his cruelty and vengeance on anyone who prevented him from being with Catherine.

Heathcliff first swindles Hindley out of ownership of Wuthering Heights, and then chooses to maliciously marry Edgar's sister, Isabella, and makes the betrayal complete by abusing her and treating her with utter contempt. After Catherine dies, he extends his vengeance to their heirs, his own son Linton and Catherine's daughter, Cathy, forcing them to marry in a bid to gain control over the Linton family manor. Linton dies shortly after the wedding. Cathy then falls in love with her cousin, Hareton, who is Hindleys' son.

Their relationship mirrors and, simultaneously, opposes the union between Heathcliff and Catherine, and eventually breaks the vicious cycle of hatred that permeates the novel.

In the end, Heathcliff abandons his vengeance, and lives only for the ghost of Catherine, dying a bitter, lonely old man.

The story was convoluted, hard to read, and even harder to sympathize with. I'd hated it from the first time I'd read it.

But as I was reading the book once more, in Bella's bed, with her sleeping next to me, I suddenly found ways to understand Heathcliff's actions, and feelings. His true love, his soulmate had been cruelly taken away from him, and from my current vantage point, it was much easier to comprehend his need for unleashing such powerful vengeance. I understood the destructiveness of the love triangle between him, Catherine and Edgar Linton, and his desire to destroy his rival for taking his love.

Jealousy was a powerful emotion, one that I'd only just begun to comprehend. It had the power to destroy relationships, throw lives into utter upheaval, and its presence could cause monstrous consequences. It had to be reined in, controlled and could not be allowed to wield its destructive power freely. I was desperately working on that concept myself.

Catherine's statement '_Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same_' described exactly the depth of love I felt for Bella. I didn't feel whole without her.

With that one exception, I felt nothing but contempt for Catherine, but Heathcliff got a few things right. There was one passage in particular, that strongly reminded me of how I felt about Jacob Black.

'_And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and I in his, though I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood! But, till then – if you don't be believe me, you don't know me – till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!_'

I was reading this passage for the fourth time, when Bella stirred next to me, cringing as if she was having a nightmare. Her eyes snapped open. She buried her face into my chest.

"Did I wake you?" I whispered and dropped the book to the floor. I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her.

"No," she mumbled, and sighed. "I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

She shook her head. "Too tired. Maybe in the morning, if I remember."

I laughed silently at her words. "In the morning," I confirmed.

"What were you reading?" She'd caught that, had she?

"_Wuthering Heights_."

A frown formed on her sleepy face. "I thought you didn't like that book."

What had begun as a distraction, had turned into an educational experience. "You left it out," I replied in a low voice. "Besides... the more time I spend with you, the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me. I'm discovering that I can sympathize with Heathcliff in ways I didn't think possible before."

"Mmm," she sighed.

"Yes," I added. "I never realized it before. He does make some very good points, though I still think his cruelty and vengefulness are very extreme behaviors."

She didn't answer. She was asleep again. I wasn't even sure if she'd heard my last comment.

I left the novel where it had fallen, not wanting to wake Bella again. I kept my arms around her, kissing her hair occasionally, until the morning dawned. The rain had stopped, but the sun was still hidden behind the clouds.

"Hi," she smiled at me when she opened her eyes. "I'm glad you're still here."

"That's a very good thing," I told her. "Do you want to tell me what your dream was about last night?"

"Hmm," she said. "It was very cold, and I was outside, but that's all I remember."

"It sure sounds like a nightmare," I winked at her. I knew her distaste for anything wet or cold, although the temperature of my skin didn't seem to bother her at all.

I kissed her, just long enough to get her heart rate up, and stopped before I could get anywhere close to losing control over myself again. "I'll be back soon," I smiled at her, before sliding out the window to run home to change for school, and get the Volvo. And Alice, who was riding with me today.

I heard Emmett in the woods behind Bella's house and changed my course to meet up with him.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett called out. "I just got here. You heading home?"

"Yes. She's awake. Will you stay until I get back?"

"That's the plan."

"Thanks."

"No problem, my brother. She all right?"

"Yes, she's fine. Just tired, I think. She had a late night."

"I heard. Charlie leave yet?"

"No, but he will soon, I'm sure. Likely before I get back."

"Okay. Well, you better get going. See you later."

I flew through the damp forest, and didn't stop running until I was in my room. It didn't take me long to change, and I was taking the stairs four at a time to race to my car. I flashed by Carlisle on my way down.

"_Edward_," he thought, and I stopped. His face was kind, indulgent, as were his thoughts.

"You haven't been home much, son, well, at least not when I've been here, so I was wondering if you had a few minutes?"

"Of course," I said immediately. "Do you need something?"

"Actually, I spoke to Jasper earlier, and he relayed some of your conversation from last night. I'm very concerned, Edward. The situation appears to be getting entirely out of hand, and the news will reach Italy soon, if it hasn't already. I can hardly believe they haven't stepped in yet, and that itself is making me very apprehensive."

"What do you mean?"

"It's unlike them to wait to act. They usually are, and always have been, for as long as I've known them, very decisive in their actions to wipe out any threats of exposure."

"I suppose you're right. I'll consider it. Perhaps Esme wouldn't mind watching over Bella, so we can all talk later today? I don't really have the time right now."

"I'm sure she wouldn't. Of course, you're off to school. I'm sorry for keeping you."

"No, no," I said. "I'm the one who should apologize. I realize I've neglected all of you lately."

"Of course not, Edward, no one feels that way. You should concentrate on Bella. She's what's important."

"We will figure this out, Carlisle," I promised. "I wish Alice could give us more of a glimpse as to what we are dealing with."

He sighed. "Nothing so far. She's beginning to wonder if her gift is fading. Though that is highly unlikely."

"I've never heard of such a thing happening," I said. "That can't be it."

"I assured her of the same. She's feeling very useless, she said."

"I'll talk to her. I'm taking her to school, anyway. We _will_ figure this out."

"Perhaps you will bring Bella over later?"

"I might. She said that she wanted to study, so we may stay at her house. We'll see."

He smiled. "_Go, Edward. Keep her safe._"

"I will," I promised, and ran out the door.

Alice was already waiting in the backseat of the Volvo. "About time. What took you so long?" she grinned.

I leaned over the headrest to ruffle her short hair. "Some psychic you are. Did you not see me talk to Carlisle?"

"Oh, let's get going, shall we?"

I didn't have to be told twice. Within seconds, I was speeding down the drive. "Any more visions, Alice?" I asked, before hitting the highway. The tires squealed. If I kept driving like this, I'd have to replace them soon.

"No," she answered. "There's just nothing. I keep trying to get a picture of what's going on to the east, but it all comes up blank. Maybe I'm losing my gift."

"No," I assured her quickly, "I don't believe that is the reason. These things usually get stronger over the years. There's something else going on."

"I just don't know, Edward. I'm not used to feeling so... useless." She smirked. "It's bothering me."

"I know, Alice." I sighed. "I'm sure we'll figure this out sooner rather than later. Please don't worry."

She let out a sigh, too. "I'll try."

I tried to distract her. "So – are you going to tell Bella about the party today?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. Since you are making me do it; but I'll probably wait until after school. By the way, did you know she's getting us a gift?"

"Alice!" I said, exasperated. And then I was curious. "What did she get?"

Alice laughed. "I saw her getting us tickets to a concert in Tacoma. I couldn't quite see the name of the band, but I think it may be Jack's Mannequin. I know they have one coming up soon."

"Don't tell her that we know," I admonished her.

"Why not? She hasn't bought them yet."

"Alice!" I said, exasperated again. She grinned.

We'd arrived at Bella's house.


	9. Answers

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some, okay - most, (all right - **all**) of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I live for reviews. Okay, I'm kidding. Any and all comments are welcome.

This 9th Chapter is called "Answers". It is based on about half of chapter 12 in Eclipse, where it is called 'Time'. Bella finds out about the graduation party, and realizes she has one week left. She freaks. Edward and Bella talk about marriage, each explaining their point of view. As before, I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions for Edward as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! Also, while Bella's emotions are clearly described in the books (as she lives them), because Edward can't hear her mind, I have in some rare instances chosen to change the emotions to what I thought he might perceive. I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Disclaimer: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. On the off-chance that Stephenie, or someone in direct contact with her, reads this - Please know (or tell her) how extraordinarily grateful I am to you/her for writing these books. THANK YOU!!!

As before, the songs playing in my head are Starlight and Map of the Problematique by MUSE. MUSE. MUSE!!!

**9. Answers**

Morning.

Charlie's cruiser was already gone, when Alice and I arrived at Bella's house. I heard Bella rummage in the kitchen as I got out of the car.

"Alice," I said to my sister, "would you mind calling Emmett to let him know he can go home?"

"I'd have to borrow your phone," she grinned at me, "since you haven't yet returned mine."

I felt like an idiot for a second, before pulling my cellphone from my pocket and handing it to her. "Sorry."

Alice laughed. "It's not like you to forget even the trivial things, Edward," she teased me.

"Very funny, Alice," I grumbled. "I've been a little preoccupied."

"_I know. I saw._ _Oops – sorry. I didn't mean that._"

I read the picture in her mind before she could hide it from me – Bella and I in the small bedroom upstairs, during my fight against the newly awoken beast. Last night. Bella – naked, broken, her bones shattered, dead underneath me. Killed by a monster. I winced from the sudden pain.

"Alice, please – stop!" I hissed through clenched teeth.

"_Sorry. I couldn't help it. It just popped into my head. I didn't want to see it, but you were so close to losing it, Edward, it scared me for a moment, until I saw you regain control. I almost called you._"

"Er, thank you, Alice," I muttered, feeling utterly embarrassed by my sister's knowledge of my intimacy with Bella. I always tried to carefully tune out my family's exploits in that matter, to give them the privacy they deserved.

And when that didn't work, I usually left the house, if at all possible. And I'd never once let on that I knew precisely what they were doing. Hearing that Alice had seen me in a similar situation was simply mortifying. I wondered briefly how that would bode for the future.

"_Edward, please – don't be embarrassed._" I ignored that comment from her mind. Not helpful at all.

"Was that the first time, you... saw something like this?" I asked her.

"Uh – yes."

"Liar." Damn it. Damn it! I should have known. There simply were no secrets in my family.

But her vision only confirmed my fears. And strengthened my resolve. Discipline. The carnal monster must be locked up until after Bella's conversion. Whether I liked it or not.

"Well, it won't happen again, so don't worry any more about it, Alice," I said, forcing my voice to sound casual.

I didn't need to read her mind to understand the skepticism on her face. "It won't," I said again. "Not while she's still human." Why had I said that? To my sister? Too much information.

I heard her translate 'As You Like It' from English to Latin in her head. What was Alice hiding from me now? I briefly considered asking, but it didn't matter, not now.

"Don't tell Bella, please?" I begged her. "She'd be mortified if she knew that you... knew." I was mortified enough for both of us.

Alice nodded solemnly. "_Of course I won't._"

I took a deep breath. Not a subject I had wanted to discuss. I shook my head to clear my mind before walking up the front steps and knocking on the door.

Quick footsteps in the hall, and then she wrenched open the door. My personal miracle. With a lopsided smile, I gazed down at her intensely, and nearly got lost in the deep brown lakes of her eyes. "Hi. Ready for another day at school?"

She returned my gaze, and blushed a deep-rose color. It took her a moment to respond. "Uhm, yes." Dazzled, I guessed. As was I.

"Here, I'll take your bag," I said, and pulled her backpack off her shoulder.

Bella peeked around me and waved at Alice in the car.

"Okay," I said. "Let's get going, or we'll be late."

"Late?" Bella snickered. "The way you drive? I'll believe that when I see it." I grinned. She had me there.

"All right, all right," I said. "After you." I waited until Bella had closed the front door, then watched her walk ahead of me to the car, and couldn't help but stare at her cute little...

Damn it! What was _wrong_ with me?

I opened the car door for Bella, then zoomed around to get in myself. I drove us to school quickly. Bella was chatting with Alice, while I concentrated on my discipline problem. Ugh! Focus!

The school day passed slowly. We were so close to finals, and graduation, that the teaching staff no longer bothered the senior class with anything new.

We sat in our usual places at lunch. The conversations swelled around me, but I wasn't listening to anything in particular. No – I was still wrestling with my lack of restraint the night before, Alice's horrifying vision, and the new boundary lines I needed to write in stone.

"_I can't believe no one's gotten the invitations yet_," Alice grumbled in her head. I stifled a laugh. She glanced at me.

"When will you tell her about the party?" I asked so quietly that no human would understand.

"_After school._"

I nodded imperceptibly. "Good," I mouthed. "Don't forget."

The mental image I received was Alice sticking her tongue out at me. Nice. I kicked her under the table. Alice jumped. I grinned.

After two more hours, school let out. We were walking to the car, when Alice touched Bella's arm.

"Bella," she said, her voice grave and ominous. "I have foreseen..." I rolled my eyes. Could she lay it on any thicker?

I tried to nudge her with my elbow, but the vexing little fortune teller neatly skipped out of the way.

"Fine," she grumbled, having gotten the intended message. "Edward is making me do this. But I _did_ foresee that you would be more difficult if I surprised you."

Bella looked at Alice, confused. "In English?"

"Don't be a baby about this. No tantrums." Alice was already on the defensive. Deservedly so.

"Now I'm scared." Bella probably should be. I was.

"So you're – I mean _we're_ – having a graduation party. It's no big thing. Nothing to freak out over. But I saw that you _would_ freak out if I tried to make it a surprise party," she dipped to the side, avoiding my hand, having seen my intention to ruffle her hair again," and Edward said I had to tell you. But it's nothing. Promise."

The little liar! No big thing? Inviting the entire senior class and most of the junior class to our house, where the reclusive, much-talked-about Cullens lived, was no big thing? I suppressed a grimace. At least, this time Bella would be angry with Alice, not me. I hoped. I waited for Bella's answer. She'd flat out refuse, I was sure.

Bella let out a deep sigh. "Is there any point in arguing?"

I was astonished. Would she ever do what I expected? This was so unlike Bella, to give in to one of Alice's little plans without any kind of rebellion. I was disappointed.

I clearly remembered the party Alice had planned for Bella's eighteenth birthday, and the amount of persuasion I had to employ to actually get Bella to my house that evening. In hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have been so persuasive. The consequences had been far-reaching, indeed. I shuddered at the memory.

"None at all," Alice jubilated at the easy victory.

"Okay, Alice. I'll be there. And I'll hate every minute of it. Promise." That sounded much more like the Bella I knew. I stifled a laugh.

"That's the spirit! By the way, I love my gift. You shouldn't have." Did she really have to bring that up?

"Alice, I didn't!" Bella's face looked utterly shocked. And confused.

"Oh, I know that. But you will." I could already see the questions in Bella's face – the ones I would have to answer later. I wanted to wring Alice's skinny neck.

"Amazing," I muttered. "How can someone so tiny be so annoying?"

She laughed in my face. "It's a talent."

Bella was still grumbling. "Couldn't you have waited a few weeks to tell me about this?" she asked, her voice petulant. "Now I'll just be stressed that much longer."

I frowned. What did she mean? Graduation was only a week away. Did Bella not realize this?

Alice frowned, too. "Bella," she said very slowly. "Do you know what day it is?"

"_Edward, that worries me just a little. She's not usually so oblivious, is she?_" I could only agree. What was the matter?

"Monday?" was Bella's immediate reply.

I rolled my eyes in unison with Alice. "Yes," she said. "It is Monday... the fourth." She gently took Bella's arm and spun her around to face the gym door, and the big, unmistakable poster taped to it. The poster announced our graduation date. One week from today.

"It's the fourth? _Of June_? Are you sure?"

I wished fervently that for just once I could know what Bella was thinking. Her breathing sped up, her heart was racing, and I could see she was in distress. Panicking. Was it about the party? Or was it something else? My anxiety level rose instantly.

I held the car door open for her to climb in, but I could tell that her mind was far away. Her eyes were unfocused, and she stared unseeingly out the windshield into the pounding rain. What was upsetting her so?

"Bella?" I asked quietly. No answer. My anxiety level climbed higher.

When I got into the car, I threw a meaningful glance at Alice in the backseat. She'd also noticed Bella's unusual demeanor, and stopped her babbling.

"_What's gotten into her_?" Alice asked silently. I had no idea, so I imperceptibly shrugged.

"_You think it's about the party_?"

I shrugged again. "Possibly," I mouthed at her.

"Bella?" I tried again. Nothing. That had never happened before. My anxiety reached a new height. What was going on? What had Bella in such a state?

Bella stayed silent while I dropped off Alice at the mouth of our driveway, and until I drove us to Bella's house. She didn't move when I parked the car. The silence was maddening.

She wouldn't even look up at me when I gently pulled her from the car, led her into the house and sat her down on the couch in the living room. Her gaze turned towards the window, and she resumed staring into the rain. Occasionally, she gnawed on her bottom lip.

I kept my eyes on her face, trying desperately to decipher the meaning behind her silence. The possibilities were endless.

The party. That seemed rather unlikely, considering how Bella had reacted to Alice's announcement. Grumbling, yes, but her initial reaction had not indicated that she was 'freaking out', as Alice had called it.

Bella's heart rate had changed when Alice pointed out the date. Was she sad that high school was almost over?

No. In all our previous talks she had been looking forward to graduation, especially since that meant she was getting closer to the conversion. I dismissed that possibility.

Worried about college? Worried about leaving Charlie? That was more likely, I decided. Alaska was far away, not that we had made a final decision. Dartmouth, if she agreed, was even farther.

The conversion. Her transformation, still tentatively set for after graduation. Had she changed her mind about it? That would be all right as far as I was concerned. I'd still rather preferred that she stay human. But she'd been clinging to her plan with such obstinacy.

Perhaps she was thinking of breaking the treaty. Not knowing how the wolves would react. That might explain the panic.

Was she thinking about Jacob Black? What he might do, when she went through with her choice? The end of their friendship? Very possible. My jealousy flared at the thought, but I wrestled it down. This was a good possibility. I knew how much the close friendship with the dog meant to Bella. He'd been there for her during the long months of our separation, and had pulled her back from the pain and utter despair my leaving had put her through. I still owed him for saving her life on numerous occasions.

I searched her face again. She was very pale, even her lips devoid of the usual rosy color, but her heart was no longer racing. Remnants of her earlier panic were still lingering. What was bothering her?

Victoria. Perhaps Bella was frightened that she would get through to her? Did that explain the panic I'd detected? But I would never allow it. Alice would warn us, and I would whisk Bella away again. Or kill Victoria myself. I very much liked the latter option. My intense hatred of this particular menace was without precedent. She'd tried to kill Bella, so her life was forfeit. Victoria would die. Soon.

Or the Volturi? The threat was real, certainly, especially with the situation in Seattle; and the timing of an impending punishing expedition on their part was most inopportune. But I was still convinced that Demetri had been unable to get a read on Bella's mind, and he wouldn't be able to find her. And Bella knew this.

Was she thinking of the menace in Seattle? The newborns wreaking havoc on the innocent humans there? She'd seen the reports, and I had given her more information than I probably should have. Possible, I decided.

Her visitor? I'd really let her down on that subject, so far none of us having any idea why this unknown vampire had chosen to visit her house, and take things from her room. Her already limited closet had been severely decimated, but Alice had promised me to take care of that minor problem. Again, possible, but not really likely. Or was it?

I'd never seen this silent Bella, pensively staring into the rain, utterly quiet, unmoving. I'd never felt so... helpless in my entire existence. I was frightened, worried, anxious. And I had no idea what I should do, how I could help her.

My offer! My pathetic attempt at a proposal of marriage, in a desperate bid to delay her conversion. Was she thinking of that? That time was running out to make a decision on this? Neither of us had mentioned it again, except for that one time. After she'd found out about Victoria's return, and had begged us to change her without waiting for graduation. We'd all refused, naturally. With good reason. I was adamant, as was my whole family, that Bella would have a choice in the matter. A choice none of us had. Not because she was in danger. We were strong and we would protect her.

"_Of course she doesn't want to marry you. Who would? Perhaps she's much more interested in becoming an immortal than being with you? What do you have to offer her? You don't deserve her. You left her, remember_?" The vicious voice in the back of my mind chose this moment to make a reappearance. "_You fool. She's much too good for you. She'll never marry you._"

Despair, anguish shot through me. Was the voice right? Of course it was. I didn't deserve Bella, didn't have even the smallest chance of ever deserving her forgiveness when I had hurt her so deeply, so thoroughly. I was not worthy. I was a monster. For a moment I was unable to breathe. She didn't love me. How could she love me? How could she want to be with me?

"_Of course I love you – and there's nothing you can do about that._" Another memory, Bella's voice, shoved itself to the front of my mind, overriding the malicious hag. The night after we returned from Italy, when I finally realized precisely just how wrong I'd been. How arrogant. To think that the depth of her feelings for me couldn't measure up to how I felt about her.

Bella's face had been fierce, utterly convincing. "_Of course I love you..._"

"_Are you sure_?" the malignant voice tried once more.

Bella's beautiful face pushed the hag aside. "_Mostly I dream about being with you forever._"

Dancing at the prom. Her voice, a subtle ache underneath the smile on her face. "_I love you more than everything else in the world combined._" I hadn't believed her then, but I did not doubt it now. Italy had changed that perspective. Italy had changed _everything_.

I had learned that Bella loved me just as deeply, just as eternally as I loved her. How could I doubt that? I was an overreacting idiot. It must be something else. The hag's voice was quiet.

My mind continued to spin, running in circles, examining the possible reasons again and again, searching for anything that might explain her current state. Nothing really fit.

I forced myself to let her sit there on the couch for over two hours. It nearly drove me insane, but I didn't know what else to do.

Darkness fell, and it was almost time for Charlie to return home. I didn't want him to see her like this. He would ask questions neither of us would want to answer. Couldn't answer. At least not truthfully. He couldn't know the truth. His daughter, his little girl, was in love with a vampire.

My patience was running out. I was on the verge of insanity. I couldn't take it any longer. This quiet, pensive Bella scared me.

I moved in front of her and put my hands on either side of her face, staring into her eyes. "Would you please tell me what you are thinking? _Before _I go mad?"

She looked at me, seeming to search for the words but unable to get them out of her mouth. She was holding her breath. Her face felt colder than usual. That scared me even more.

"Your lips are white. Talk, Bella." "_Breathe, Bella, breathe._"

She exhaled, and her breath swirled around me. I soaked it up and reveled in the sweetness of it. "_Focus_!" I told myself.

"The date took me off guard," Bella whispered. "That's all."

I didn't believe a word of it. And it didn't explain why she was so distressed. I waited, worried, skeptical. Was this about the party, after all?

"I'm not sure what to do... what to tell Charlie... what to say... how to..." She broke off, staring at me.

And I understood. She wasn't ready. She wasn't ready. "This isn't about the party?" I tried to confirm.

Bella frowned. "No. But thanks for reminding me," she replied, heavy on the sarcasm.

I read her face again. Saw the distress, the worry, the fear.

"You're not ready," I whispered, my suspicion confirmed. I was torn between my need, my selfish desire, to keep her forever, and my fervent wish that she stay human.

"I am," Bella insisted, but I could see the lie in her eyes. She took a deep breath. "I have to be," she amended.

I was angry that she thought that way. "You don't have to be anything." Except in love with me. Everything else I would deal with.

Panic flooded her face again. "Victoria, Jane, Caius, whoever was in room... !" she counted the reasons for me.

I discounted them immediately. I would not allow her to change because she was afraid. "All the more reason to wait," I said fiercely. She would have a choice!

"That doesn't make any sense, Edward," was Bella's immediate reply.

It made perfect sense to me. I looked deeply into her eyes, willing her to understand. "Bella. Not one of us had a choice. You've seen what it's done... to Rosalie especially." I briefly thought of my sister, and her absolute hatred of this life. She, like all of us, would do anything to be human again. "We've all struggled, trying to reconcile ourselves with something we had no control over. I won't let it be that way for you. You _will_ have a choice."

"I've already made my choice."

That she had, I knew that all too well. How desperately I had fought that night, how determinedly she had rushed ahead, and how, without meaning to, I'd found the one thing that had, so far, delayed her.

"You aren't going through with this because a sword is hanging over your head. We will take care of the problem," I promised her. Victoria was going to die, sooner rather than later. We'd take care of the menace in Seattle, and the Volturi would stay in Italy. I _was_ going to figure out what the visitor meant.

"When we're through it, and there is nothing forcing your hand, then you can decide to join me, if you still want to."

Please, please keep wanting to, the voices chanted in my head, before my rational thoughts returned. "But not because you're afraid. You won't be forced into this." I wasn't the only one in my family who felt that way. We all did. Even Rosalie whose dislike for Bella was no secret. Especially Rosalie.

"Carlisle promised," Bella muttered. "After graduation." Ah, she apparently didn't remember that Carlisle had refused her already, just two weeks ago. He'd do so again, as long as she felt she was in danger. I knew that without a doubt.

"Not until you're ready," I asserted again. "And definitely not while you feel threatened."

Bella didn't answer. I was surprised she had given up on her argument so quickly, but I was glad for it.

"_Sure you are_," the diabolical voice taunted me. "_You're just worried she wants to be a vampire more than she wants you_." I shut it out viciously.

I kissed her forehead. "There," I said lightly. "Nothing to worry about."

Bella laughed unsteadily. The amusement didn't reach her eyes. "Nothing but impending doom."

"Trust me," I said, imploringly.

"I do," she insisted. I was momentarily distracted. Those were the words I wanted to hear more than anything. On our wedding day. I instantly chastised myself. "_Focus, Edward_!"

She still hadn't relaxed. I keep staring at her, waiting.

"Can I ask you something?"

Of course. "Anything," I said instantly. What would she want to know?

Bella hesitated, gnawing on her lower lip. Color had returned. The sight was distracting.

"What am I getting Alice for graduation?" That's not what she had intended to ask, I could see that on her face. But I'd also known she'd ask this question at some point.

I chortled. "It looked like you were getting us both concert tickets..."

"That's right," Bella exclaimed, sounding relieved. "The concert in Tacoma. I saw an ad in the paper last week, and I thought it would be something you'd like, since you said it was a good CD."

"It's a great idea," I assured her. "Thank you."

"I hope it's not sold out."

I stifled a laugh. "It's the thought that counts. I ought to know." Clearly.

Bella sighed. I decided to press my earlier suspicion, to see if I could get her to ask the question that was worrying her.

"There's something else you meant to ask," I said, searching her face again.

She frowned. "You're good."

I had to be, since I couldn't hear her mind. It was the only way to even attempt figuring out what she was thinking. And I was still mostly guessing. "I have lots of practice reading your face. Ask me."

She closed her eyes, and hid her face against my chest. "You don't want me to be a vampire," she said into my shirt. Her voice sounded painfully unsure.

My frozen heart flooded with emotions, and I was torn again between my selfish needs, and what I desired for her. "No, I don't," I said, softly, lovingly. Yes, I did, I did, I did. But only for myself.

Bella was silent. "That's not a question," I gently prompted her to continue.

"Well... I was worrying about... _why_ you felt that way."

What? What did _that _mean? My arms instinctively tightened around her at hearing this ridiculous question, and her emotion behind it. "Worrying?"

"Would you tell me why? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?"

I hesitated. How could I put my feelings into words? The last thing I wanted to do was give her the impression that I didn't want her. I wanted her, all right. Forever. If it weren't for her soul being doomed by that choice. Possibly. And I still wasn't clear on why she would need to ask anyway. I was certain I'd already explained this to her, hadn't I?

"If I answer your question, will you then _explain_ your question?"

She nodded against my chest.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself to stay composed, and not let the onslaught of my conflicting emotions give her the wrong impression. "You could do so much better, Bella. I know that _you _believe I have a soul, but I'm not entirely convinced on that point, and to risk yours... " I shook my head to clear my mind as the pain of that thought rippled through me, "for me to allow this – to let you become what I am just so that I'll never have to lose you – is the most selfish act I can imagine. I want it more than anything, for _myself_. But for you, I want so much more. Giving in – it feels criminal. It's the most selfish thing I'll ever do, even if I live forever." I took another breath, before continuing with my explanation. Bella's face pressed into my chest, and I quickly leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

I hoped she could hear the undying love I felt for her in my answer. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. "If there were any way for me to become human for you – no matter what the price was, I would pay it."

Bella was very still against me for a moment, and then, through my shirt, I felt her facial expression change. Was she... smiling?

"So... it's not that you're afraid you won't... like me as much when I'm different – when I'm not soft and warm and I don't smell the same? You really do want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?"

Holy hell, how could she think _that_? I was floored. My breath escaped in a sharp rush. "You were worried I wouldn't _like _you?" The sheer insanity of that thought was in such contrast to my own fears that I burst into hysterical laughter. "Bella," I choked out. "For a fairly intuitive person, you can be so obtuse."

I collected myself quickly, but couldn't quite stifle the exuberant smile on my face. She was worried I wouldn't like her. "_She must love you. She must want to be with you forever_," a voice inside me whispered urgently. My earlier doubts seemed so silly now.

"I don't think you realize how much easier it will be for me, Bella," I explained gently, staring deeply into the chocolate seas of her her eyes, "when I don't have to concentrate all the time on not killing you. Certainly, there are things I'll miss. This for one... "

I raised my hand to her cheek and carefully stroked my fingertips across. Heat tingled my fingers, the adorable blush filling her face. She was so beautiful. She was mine.

Her heart was thumping unevenly. I laughed quietly. "And the sound of your heart. It's the most significant sound in my world. I'm so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it out from miles away. But neither of these things matter."

I took her face into my hands and deepened the gaze, feeling myself slowly drowning in the depth of the deep brown eyes looking at me so trustingly. I poured my whole heart into my next words. "_This_," I whispered, "_you_. That's what I'm keeping. You'll always be my Bella, you'll just be a little more durable." Mine, all mine. My frozen heart jubilated inside me, and the sheer ecstasy of my love for her was overwhelming my mind.

Bella sighed, and relaxed her head into my hands. Her eyes closed; her face was a portrait of contentment. It continued to amaze me how unbearably _joyful _that made me feel. She was mine. Forever.

"_Then why won't she marry you_?" The malignant voice asked sneeringly.

I froze for a split second, while those words echoed in my core. Why, indeed? Would she tell me, if I asked her? Might as well find out.

"Now will you answer a question for me?" I said, without further thought, using the same words she had spoken. "The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?"

"Of course," she said, her eyes widening in... surprise, perhaps?

I braced myself. "You don't want to be my wife," I said, very slowly, enunciating each word carefully.

Bella's heart stopped for a beat, then began racing. Her blood left her face again, and I could smell the soft sheen of perspiration that dewed on her neck.

I was instantly crushed. She didn't. She didn't want to marry me. Of course she didn't. I'd known that, hadn't I? But I had to ask the stupid question anyway. The malicious hag in my head sneered viciously at me. "_Told you so._"

But – where then had Alice's vision come from? The inexplicable picture of Bella walking towards me, an exultant smile lighting up her beautiful face, all dressed in white, on our wedding day? The vision I had clung to for the last few weeks, ever since our return from Volterra. The only vision I needed to come true.

"That's not a question," Bella whispered.

I was suddenly more nervous than I'd ever been. My hands dropped from her face, my eyes broke the connection with hers and I was looking down. I was unable to meet her gaze, though I could feel it on my face, afraid of the pity I thought I might see in her eyes. Her hand was in her lap, and I picked it up unthinkingly, playing with her fingers. I was barely breathing at this point. The anticipation of her rejection threatened to reopen the gaping hole in my chest. I could already feel the memory clawing at my insides.

"I was worrying about why you felt that way," I again used her exact words. I had none of my own to express the utter despair that was slowly filling my silent heart.

"That's not a question, either," Bella whispered, her voice lower than before.

"Please, Bella?" I implored her quietly. My throat tightened.

"The truth?" she mouthed.

"Of course," I said. "I can take it, whatever it is." No, I couldn't. I couldn't. Who was I kidding?

Bella took a deep breath. "You're going to laugh at me."

_What? _I was so stunned by her words, my eyes flashed up to hers. "Laugh? I cannot imagine that."

How could it possibly be funny that she didn't want to marry me? How? It felt like my heart was breaking and she thought I would _laugh_?

"You'll see," she grumbled, and sighed again. She flushed a scarlet red. "Okay, fine! I'm sure this will sound like some big joke to you, but really! It's just so... so... so _embarrassing_!"

Bella pressed her face against my chest, and the heat from her flushed skin against my stone body was unbelievably pleasant. I wondered for a split second how it would feel if her whole body was flushed like that, during the act of making love to her. "_Good grief, where did that thought come from_?" I thought to myself, and banished it.

I didn't understand why she was embarrassed. It was nonsensical.

"I'm not following you," I said.

She lifted her face and glared at me, her eyes flashing belligerently. "I'm not _that girl_, Edward. The one who gets married right out of high-school like some small-town hick who got knocked up by her boyfriend! Do you know what people would think? Do you realize what century this is? People don't just get married at eighteen! Not smart people, not responsible, mature people! I wasn't going to be that girl! That's not who I am..." Bella broke off slowly.

Oh.

It took me a moment to get my head around that answer. It certainly explained her embarrassment, I supposed.

"_Are you sure_?" the voice in my head mocked. "_She could just be saying that, you know_."

"That's all?" I blurted out, and then wished I could recall the words. Shut up, you fool.

She blinked. "Isn't that enough?"

Carpe Diem. I simply had to find out if the voice was correct. "Its' not that you were... more eager for immortality itself than just for me?"

A heartbeat of silence, and then Bella was in hysterics. Giggling, laughing mirthfully. I stared at her, not comprehending what had set her off. And then, a second later, I did.

"Edward!" she panted. "And here... I always... thought that... you were... so much... _smarter _than me."

I wrapped her in my arms, and her body shook with laughter. I found myself laughing with her. I was an idiot, clearly.

"Edward," she said, still gasping a little, "there's no point to forever without you. I wouldn't want one day without you."

"Well, that's a relief," I said with a sheepish smile. The hag was silent, finally conquered. My heart swelled with sudden joy. She loved me. She _wanted _me.

"Still... it doesn't change anything."

I disagreed wholeheartedly. It changed everything. I now knew the reason, and understood her side. It wasn't so much that she didn't _want _to marry me, she was only worried about what others would think. Because it was no longer the norm for the times we were living in. And that was not a reason at all, in my estimation. I had been, after all, raised under very different customs.

"It's nice to understand, though," I said, when Bella started to come back from the hysteria. "And I do understand your perspective, Bella, truly I do. But I'd like it very much if you'd try to consider mine."

She simply nodded, but the hint of a frown appeared on her face.

I ignored it and pressed ahead, lacing each word with the love I felt for her. I gazed deeply into the melted chocolate of her eyes, letting my feelings for her shine out of mine. In my mind's eye, I recalled the dim memories of my humanity.

"You see, Bella, I was always _that boy_. In my world, I was already a man. I wasn't looking for love – no, I was far too eager to be a soldier for that; I thought of nothing but the idealized glory of the war that they were selling prospective draftees then – but if I had found..." I broke off, because what I had planned to say next wasn't true at all. There would only ever have been Bella for me. Her love was my reason for living.

"I was going to say if I had found _someone_, but that won't do. If I had found _you_, there isn't a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was _that boy_, who would have – as soon as I discovered that you were what I was looking for – gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand. I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didn't have quite the same connotation."

I smiled at her crookedly. She stared at me, frozen, her eyes wide open. She wasn't breathing.

"Breathe, Bella," I said, still smiling. She looked utterly lost. Overwhelmed.

She took a breath. Did she understand?

"Can you see my side, Bella, even a little bit?" I asked her.

She shook her head as if to clear her mind. "The thing is, Edward," she said in a shaky voice, "in my mind, _marriage_ and _eternity_ are not mutually exclusive or mutually inclusive concepts. And since we're living in my world for the moment, maybe we should go with the times, if you know what I mean."

The little minx had entirely avoided my question. And while I could see her point, I had one of my own.

"But on the other hand, you will soon be leaving time behind you altogether. So why should the transitory customs of one local culture affect the decision so much?"

She pursed her lips, and the sight was so distracting. I wanted to kiss them. Badly. Hungrily. My groin tightened. The beast rubbed its hands in anticipation. Damn it, I was losing it again. Discipline. What ever happened to discipline?

"When in Rome?" Bella said, her expression one of aversion.

I laughed. "You don't have to say yes or no today, Bella." But please say yes soon, I added in my mind. "It's good to understand both sides, though, don't you think?"

"So your condition... ?"

Yes! I could see on her face how much she wanted it, how much it meant to her if I were the one. Ha!

"Is still in effect," I clarified quickly. "I do see your point, Bella, but if you want me to change you myself... " I let the offer trail out at the end. Say yes, say yes, say yes.

"Dum, dum, da-dum," Bella assaulted the melody of Wagner's wedding march. I stifled a grin.

And then I put the physical boundary line firmly at the forefront of my mind and kissed the only girl I would ever love.

I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up just a moment later. Bella heard him, too, and jumped up from the couch. "Holy crow, is it that late already?"

She ran into the kitchen, frantically pulling ingredients for dinner out of the cupboards and the refrigerator. I went to help her.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie called out when he opened the door. He was in a fairly good mood, considering he'd seen my car parked outside. "_Of course, he's here._" The rest of his thoughts were lost in muffled grumbles, as he hung up his jacket and gun belt on the coat rack.

"In the kitchen, Dad. Dinner will be ready soon."

"Take your time, no need to hurry. I want to check the scores first, anyway."

"Okay, Dad."

The TV flickered to life, and Charlie grabbed the remote control as he sat down on the coach. Bella made a simple meal of spaghetti with meat sauce, and a salad. She was forever trying to get Charlie to eat healthier. The smell of the food was all various levels of revolting to me, and Bella giggled at the exaggerated faces I made.

Charlie ambled into the kitchen when she called him.

"Good evening, Charlie," I said politely. He grunted in response, but after a glare from Bella, reconsidered. "Edward."

As usual, I excused myself from dinner and went to the living room to pass the time.

I pulled the phone from my pocket, and keeping an ear on conversation in the kitchen, called Alice. She picked up on the first ring.

"Alice," I said in a low voice, "anything new?"

"_How was your day, Bella?_"

"_Fine, Dad. Nothing exciting._"

He ate in silence for a minute.

"No, nothing. Emmett is still very antsy to go, and Rosalie's been having hissy fits about it." I could just imagine those. A part of me was glad that I wasn't home enduring that.

"Have Jasper keep him at home. Would you mind coming over to take the Volvo home?"

"Of course not. What time?"

"_Done studying for finals_?"

"_Almost._" I grinned. Liar.

"Nine-thirty. I'll meet you down the street. Thanks, Alice."

"Sure. See you later." I hung up.

"_That's good._" He'd run out of things to say, his mind already back on the game he planned to watch tonight.

I sat down in the arm chair, and waited for them to finish. When I heard Charlie's chair scrape across the linoleum, I got back up. Bella started running the dish water, and I went back to the kitchen, meeting Charlie in the hallway. He brushed past me and sank into the couch, anticipation coloring his thoughts.

I helped Bella with the dishes. "What would you like to do tonight?" I asked her.

"Let's just stay here," she answered. "I still have finals to study for."

I grinned. "And here I thought you were almost done studying."

She glowered at me. "Hmmph." She wasn't too happy with my eavesdropping.

We spent the rest of the evening at the kitchen table, with her school books out. To her chagrin, and mine, we didn't get a lot of studying done.

I'd moved the chair to the other side of the table, and we were leaning over the books together. Every few minutes, our faces turned to each other, and we kept sneaking little kisses, while Charlie obliviously watched the game. For the very first time since my transformation, I nearly felt like a guilty, hormonal teenager. I understood the giddyness I had so often seen in their thoughts. Her uncomparable scent no longer a hindrance, it was exhilarating.

I said goodnight shortly before nine-thirty, to a mumbled response from Charlie. Bella walked me to the door. "I'll be back very soon. Alice is picking up the Volvo just down the road."

Bella giggled. "I'll be upstairs," she said. I leaned down for another quick kiss, before she closed the door behind me.

"Night, Dad," she called out before moving up the stairs.

"Night, Bells."

Alice was already waiting for me. When I got to the corner and stopped the Volvo, she jumped down from the tree in which she was perched. She grabbed my keys from me.

"Hi," she said. "Bye. See you in the morning."

"Who's coming over to watch Bella?"

"Emmett, most likely. Usual time?"

"Yes. Thanks, Alice," I replied, giving her a quick hug. "I truly appreciate it."

She grinned, and got into the car. "I know you do."

And she was gone, the car disappearing in the distance. Two seconds later I was climbing into Bella's room. She was waiting for me, smiling.

"Ready for bed?" I asked her with a smile of my own.

"Almost," she replied. "I just need a minute to be human." With a wink, she ran out of the room. I heard the water turn on in the bathroom. She was back quickly, a vision in long, silky pajamas.

Holy hell! She looked amazing, the fabric clinging to her slight form as she walked towards me, emphasizing every curve, her pert little breasts calling my eyes towards them. I felt my eyes widen, and I had to swallow hard, before I caught myself.

It didn't matter. I was in control. Disciplined.

I tucked her into the quilt before laying down next to her. Again, I pulled the rigid boundary line to the forefront of my mind. There would be no further repetitions of near losses of control. Not until she was changed. The carnal beast inside me growled in defiance and frustration.

Wrapping her in my arms, I quickly, but gently, kissed Bella goodnight. She sighed deeply, and pressed the full length of her body against me. Her head fell to my chest.

The warmth of her skin, the unique fragrance of her scent, engulfed me and the seductive monster took a step forward. I mentally snarled a warning. The monster retreated, grumbling. The fire burned.

I spent the rest of the night in blissful peace, listening to her even breathing. With Charlie's snores floating from across the hall as the background music, I watched my only love sleep in my arms.


	10. Epiphany

**Author's Note: **Edward is a little scared by his desire for Bella, afraid to hurt her, were he to lose control. He seeks Carlisle's advice. Bella reads the paper, and realizes that the situation in Seattle is escalating. Edward finds her, frozen in fear, and they decide to ditch school to seek Jasper's perspective.

As before, I don't own the characters or the rights to them. Stephenie Meyer I'm not. I just play in her sandbox. Thanks for reading.

**10. Epiphany**

Night.

Despite my best intentions, my self-imposed discipline nearly went up in smoke about half-way through the night.

Bella's head was resting against the crook of my shoulder, and her beautiful face was turned up to me. Her full lips were slightly parted. She was fast asleep.

I yearned to touch her face. The longing was so strong, that my thumb, out of its own volition, gently brushed across her lower lip. My hand slowly curled around her jaw. Bella sighed softly. "Edward."

I instantly froze. Was she awake? Her eyes were still closed.

No. She was talking in her sleep. Dreaming, perhaps. I smiled and remembered the first time I had listened to her sleeptalking, in this very bedroom. She'd said my name, then, too, and with her next breath, asked me to stay with her, there in her dream.

That had been the precise moment when I'd fallen in love with her. The waves of emotions for her that had previously only lapped at me, when I had been fighting them so desperately, had in that instant pulled me completely under. When I finally surfaced, my life, my whole existence, had been irrevocably changed. _She_ was my life now. She was _everything_. I would never love anyone else the way I loved Bella. I was bound to her for eternity. Always. Forever.

I took a deep breath, and inhaled her exquisite scent. The fire blazed in my throat, but I felt no temptation for her blood. Not anymore. The excruciating pain, intense guilt and and utter anguish I'd lived through, when I'd thought she was forever lost to me, was so deeply, so eternally branded into every cell of my body, every nerve ending in my infallible mind, that I was certain not even her freely flowing blood would ever tempt me again.

There hadn't been a time, since our return from Italy, when Bella's scent had ever been too much to ignore. There was no venom pooling in my mouth. No thirst for her blood. Not even when I'd been almost unbearably thirsty. And this alteration was so wondrous, so _liberating_, that I had yet to fully wrap my head around it.

My hand slid off her face and buried itself in her hair at the nape of her neck. Skimming my nose along her skin, breathing evenly, I slowly leaned down to kiss her forehead, then down her cheek to her jawbone. She was exquisite. And, miraculously, she was mine.

"Edward, please," Bella mumbled. "Please, Edward, please don't stop." I checked her face again. Still asleep. What was she dreaming about? The sounds were so... erotic, almost. Like she was having a... special dream.

I dismissed that idea. Of course, she wasn't. I shook my head. No. I was just projecting my own selfish desires onto her, trying to convince myself that she wanted me to, in that way. How could she want that?

She moved herself closer against me.

"Mmm, Edward," she whispered. The sound of the low moan was titillating. I wondered again what was happening in her dream.

I gently stroked the back of her head as I carefully, like I was touching a soap bubble, whispered a kiss against her soft lips. In that instant, Bella moaned into my mouth. The unexpected sound, accompanied by the vibrations of her mouth against my lips, was my undoing.

Unthinkingly, I pressed my lips harder against hers, and she whimpered. I froze again, thinking she had woken up, embarrassed to be caught in the act.

She was still sleeping.

Her hand, which had been lying across my stomach, gripped my shirt. Her leg kicked off the quilt and wedged itself between mine. Bella's knee brushed against my groin, and my manhood instantly reacted to the touch. She moaned again, and I was thrown off course by the onslaught of the monster who was gleefully licking its lips. My arm tightened around her and pulled her closer against me.

She'd woken up.

No, she hadn't.

I felt like a villain, kissing her while she was sleeping. I started to pull back.

I could feel the heat from her womanly center pressing against my leg. I could smell the intoxicating scent of her arousal. Holy hell! What was she _dreaming_ about?

"_Are you kidding me_?" sneered the beast. "_Please tell me you are not that stupid. Take her – she's ready for you._"

For one long moment, as my lips stayed on hers, the selfish part of me contemplated giving in to the seduction of that voice.

I imagined in my head how I would carefully, slowly remove the quilt, unbutton her top and expose the soft flesh of her chest. The beauty of her bare skin. How the firm mounds would fit into my cupped hands, how silky, how warm, how flushed the skin would feel against my fingers.

How her eyes would become heavy-lidded under my touch, how her nipples would harden. I imagined lowering my mouth to her chest, and gently, oh so gently, pressing my lips to one of the dark and puckered buds. Feeling it in my mouth. Flicking my tongue over it. My nose skimming across her skin, drinking in her fragrant scent.

Desire curled in the pit of my stomach. The muscles in my groin tightened. The monster cheered. "_Yes! Make it so._"

My eyes closed. I imagined my fingers slowly stroking down her flat stomach, hooking underneath the waistband of her pajama pants, pulling them down. Inhaling the scent of her arousal. Tasting the smooth skin over her hip bones, wrapping my hands around her waist, sliding them around her back, down to her firm derriere, that was always so enticing clad in the simple blue jeans she preferred to wear. Raising her up to me.

My body reacted to the conjured images, and my own arousal became very prominent, bulging in my pants. Ah – it was too much. Too much to bear. The desire became unbearable, nearly unmanageable. Savage need expanded through me. Need to bury myself within her, have her envelope my throbbing member in the heat I could feel against my leg. I was getting dizzy.

"_Yes!_" the beast rejoiced. "_Give yourself to your senses. She's yours. She's yours. Take her. Now! What are you waiting for_?"

No. No! I fought the voice, fought the urges that suddenly threatened to overwhelm me. Step by step the monster advanced, step by step I wrestled it back. No. Damn it, no!

Panicking, I snapped my head back and broke the connection between our lips. The monster growled in defeat.

The phone buzzed in my pocket. Grateful for the distraction, I flipped it open and, without checking, pressed the send button and raised it to my ear.

"Edward!" Alice yelled. "Stop it right now, Edward!"

Mortified, I snapped the phone shut.

Bella moaned softly, her eyes tightly shut, her body tensing for a moment. "Edward." I felt a small shudder ripple through her, then her hand relaxed against my chest. I didn't know what that meant.

"_But you can guess_," the carnal voice sneered. I supposed that might be possible. But I couldn't be sure, because, damn it, I couldn't even hear her dreams. And I couldn't really reconcile my image of Bella, pure, innocent, with the monster's suggestion.

Very carefully, touching her only with my fingertips, I pushed her leg back, and tucked the quilt around her as a safety barrier.

Then I quickly extricated myself from underneath Bella's still sleeping form, careful not to jostle her, and leaped out of the open window. I landed noiselessly on the ground, and sat down. Sinking into the wet grass, I pressed my head against my knees. A light breeze from the trees, bringing with it the scent of wet leaves, moss and damp forest floor, cleared my nose and my mind. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself. What had I been thinking? Had I been thinking at all?

I knew the answer to that. Apparently not.

The phone buzzed in my hand. This time I looked at the screen. Alice again.

With a deep sigh, I answered the phone. "Alice."

"What the _hell_ were you doing, Edward?" she snapped at me.

"Nothing," I mumbled, feeling completely embarrassed and utterly repulsive at the same time.

"You had better watch it, do you understand? I do _not_ like it when her future disappears. And to see my own brother being the cause... while she is _sleeping_? For heaven's sake, can't you behave yourself?" she snarled through the phone.

"Yes," I said, appropriately chastised. She hung up. "Thank you, Alice," I murmured to myself.

I obviously needed to work much harder on my discipline. I needed help. Or, very soon, I would be beyond help. I hung my head, ashamed, confused, dizzy.

How could I do this to the girl I loved with every fiber of my being? Ravish her, if only in my imagination. Degrade her like that? I truly didn't deserve her. I was a fiend, a monster. The pent-up needs of my frozen seventeen year old self, denied existence in nearly ninety years, had finally caught up with me. I was utterly despicable.

I sat below her window until the first light of the new day began to color the sky to the east, before climbing back into her room, and lying back down beside her. I didn't want her to think I'd left her during the night. That might upset her, and possibly provoke questions for which I had no answers. I certainly couldn't tell her of my shameful actions.

Charlie got up and the water started running in the bathroom sink.

"_Edward, it's time_," I heard Emmett's thought behind the house. I gently shook Bella awake. Her eyes opened slowly.

"Good morning, my love," I whispered, forcing my voice to sound cheerful. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm," she mumbled. "Yes, I did."

I smiled at her. I loved her so much. The monster must be banished. Chained. Locked up. Conquered.

"I'll be back soon," I told her, kissing her forehead. "Emmett will be watching over you while I'm gone."

"Hurry back," she smiled, as I jumped out of her window for the second time that morning.

The run through the woods was short. Alice was waiting for me on the front steps when I reached the house, her look reproachful.

"What were you thinking, Edward?" she spat through clenched teeth, belligerently, scowling at me. I had no answer. Clearly, I hadn't been thinking.

"I don't know, Alice," I croaked. "I guess I wasn't."

"Right," she hissed, her eyes aflame. "You know, Edward, I don't really want to have these particular pictures in my head. But since I'm supposed to be looking out for anything that might put Bella in danger, I can't avoid them."

I hung my head. I could only imagine what she had seen, since she was blocking me from accessing the vision. That actually made it worse. On top of the shame and embarrassment, I was suddenly horrified at what my actions had forced Alice to see.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. I didn't know what else to say.

"Sure you are," she muttered, turned on her heels and walked into the house. I followed behind her. Jasper caught my emotional state and looked up from the couch, glaring. I averted my eyes.

"_Interesting mix of emotions there, Edward_," he snarled in his mind."_I was with Alice when she called you earlier this morning. You know, I can feel your desires, and I can understand them, too, but I would appreciate it, if you could at least attempt to control yourself. Alice was terrified. Please do refrain from a repeat performance. She's stressed enough as it is. She doesn't need this worry, too._"

Unable to look at him, I nodded once before I fled to my room. Nothing was secret. Not even my shame.

I quickly changed clothes, and then went to Carlisle's office.

"_Come in_," he thought as I paused in front of the closed door. He was sitting behind his desk when I stuck in my head.

"Edward," he smiled. "It's good to see you. Did you need something?" I moved into his office and stood behind the chair in front of his desk.

"Er, yes," I said, and then faltered. Was this really something I wanted to discuss with Carlisle? But who else could I possibly go to?

"What is it, son?" he said, his brow furrowing in concern when he registered the shamed look on my face.

"Well... it's about Bella. So, uhm... I'm... it's... I'm experiencing a small problem with my self-control, my restraint," I finally forced out.

"_You mean her blood? But I thought..._" The look on his face, as his thought, was one of surprise. "I don't understand, Edward. I thought you were beyond the temptation? You told me so yourself."

"No, no, it's not that," I assured him. "Her scent is nothing compared to this."

"Then what is it?"

"Well, you see... ," how was I going to phrase this, "there are other, er, needs that have made themselves known. Needs I have always either repressed or ignored. And I am having a difficult time controlling those."

Carlisle understood instantly. A smile slowly lifted his face. "_Finally_," he thought. "_How wonderful that it's finally happening for him..._ _I'd wondered if he'd ever get to this point_."

"I see," he said, unable to hide the joy that was filling him. "_But she's so fragile. He'll need to exert an extraordinary amount of care and control... _"

Exactly. My point exactly. "Yes – and that's where the difficulty lies. Carlisle, I've never really dealt with these... desires, and when we are, er... I get so close to losing it each time. I'm scared, I'm worried that I will hurt her, break her. I am fighting so hard against these needs, but each time I get close to her in that way, a part of me wants to just keep going. I fantasize about it, while we kiss. My body reacts to those fantasies. Two nights ago, I experienced my first, uh, erection – ever. Thankfully, Bella didn't notice. I feel so deplorable, but I can't seem to help myself." If I'd been still human, I'd been blushing furiously with my mortification.

He took a deep breath. "No, Edward. I don't think it's deplorable, to employ your choice of words. What you are feeling is perfectly normal, actually. You should know that, Edward. You've heard it around you plenty of times, I'm sure. Even if you have never truly experienced it until now. I can imagine it frightening you, since _having _the actual feelings is very different than just reading about them, or hearing them in another's mind. But, Edward, expressing your love for one another does include being physical. You cannot possibly understand how wondrous, how absolutely perfect that can make the relationship, unless you experience it yourself. Perhaps not necessarily as blatantly as Emmett and Rosalie," he and I both grimaced for a moment at the memories of those ten years, "but I know that you know that physical love is part of loving your mate. How does Bella feel about this?"

"_Considering she is a fairly normal teenager with perfectly normal hormones, I suppose I can guess._"

"We haven't actually discussed it in depth," I answered his question, ignoring the thought. "She knows how strong our kind are, how easily I could unintentionally hurt her, kill her if I weren't careful, but she trusts me implicitly to keep her safe, and of course, I've never given her any indication that her trust is misplaced. I've never physically hurt her. Never. I've told her that I can never lose control with her, not while she's human, but the voices in my head... my own body yearning for her... and her reactions... none of it is making this any easier."

"Her reactions?"

"Yes, well, she responds... invitingly. Willingly. Feeding the monster in my head. She pouts when I release her, when I stop, like she wants me to continue whenever things have gone... too far, when I'm close to losing control, and... Carlisle, the scent of her when she is in that state of arousal, it's driving me mad. It's simply intoxicating. I want to make love to her, I want it so badly I can almost taste it. I can barely think in those moments. I've never, uh, well... you know, I've never been with anyone that way, and the novelty, and the suddenness is making this all so much more difficult. The absence of the temptation of her blood has unleashed another monster in me. And it's been escalating. I love her so desperately, Carlisle, and I don't want to hurt her." I choked back a dry sob.

"I see," he said again. "_So she wants him, too. Of course she does. How could she not? She loves him just as deeply. What can I say to him? How can I make this easier_?"

There was something that felt a little off about his thoughts, but I ignored the feeling. "Yes," by now I was babbling, relieved to get this off my chest, "and I obviously need some help, finding that level of control, exercising the restraint I need, to keep her alive. I've let things go too far, and I don't seem to have the... strength to deny her, when she seemingly wants this as much as I do."

"Well," Carlisle said, and broke off, "_I truly wish we could change Bella sooner rather than later. I want this for Edward, he so greatly deserves it. But she must have a choice. Now is not the time._" I agreed wholeheartedly with the last part of those thoughts, and definitely not the first.

"It's certainly inadvisable to proceed to the realization of your desires at this point, and it seems that so far you've been able to stop yourself. How did you manage that, in those moments?"

I nearly smiled as his innate curiosity colored his words. My whole relationship with Bella was a source of unabashed interest to him. He had a good reason. I reflected on the explanation he had once given me.

Our kind truly mated but once – for life. For eternity. For all of us, love sprung instantaneously, involuntarily and irrevocably. I would have seen my own love for Bella much sooner, if I hadn't been so ferociously, so desperately fighting her scent. The temptation of her blood, my deplorable thirst, and my inexperience in matters of the heart, had made me blind to my instant love for her. From the moment I had seen her, that first day in the school cafeteria, I'd wanted to defend her. Protect her. But I hadn't understood the feelings.

Until the accident. Until I fought for her life, against Jasper and Rosalie. Until Alice had pointed it out to me. It had left me reeling. The visions of Bella's future had been horrifying.

After Alice's revelation, I had continued to fight the feelings, fight against either one of the dual futures Alice had seen, painfully taking great lengths to avoid Bella like a plague, until I couldn't fight no more.

I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts. Couldn't know for sure how she truly felt. Self-doubt had been mocking me. I was a monster, unlovable, undeserving. My vast experience with the human mind had dismissed the possibility that she loved me just as much.

Then, I had left her, thinking she'd forget about me. Had arrogantly decided that I knew what was best for her. That she had to stay human.

For almost seven months we both had lived through unnecessary pain and misery, and in the process, I had nearly broken her heart. Put her in danger. Miraculously, undeservingly, I had received her forgiveness. Still, I had doubts. And I was still worried about dooming her soul. Being unable to give her what she needed.

When one of us fell in love with a human, like Carlisle had, and Rosalie, we usually didn't keep our mates human for long. And Bella had stayed human for longer than even Carlisle had anticipated. Because I had made it so.

And I was asking myself now why I had been so adamant that she remain human.

"I honestly don't know how I stopped," I admitted. "Whenever I felt too close to the edge, it was the picture of Bella, broken underneath me, the excruciating pain at the thought of losing her, of killing her myself, my deep love for her, all of those combined."

"Exactly," Carlisle said with a smile, "perhaps you should keep those thoughts at the forefront of your mind, in those moments. Focus on them. And perhaps, in the beginning, seek your own release another way. Perhaps you would be less tempted if you do. Physical desire can be very powerful and overwhelming, Edward, but I have faith in you."

"And, I promised myself that we would wait for the actual, er, consummation until after her conversion," I told him. "I was hoping that we would both experience the... uh... release for the first time together."

And I wanted to wait after she married me, but I didn't say that out loud. Of course, Carlisle knew about the wedding dress Alice had purchased. They all knew, though they hadn't actually seen it. They'd nearly dismissed it as one of her more fleeting visions, though Esme was still hopeful. And I wasn't going to make any kind of official announcement of my intentions until Bella had actually agreed to marry me.

"Yes," he agreed, "I think, for her, waiting until after she has gone through the transformation might be best, under the circumstances. For you, I'm not sure, but that is your decision. Either way, find the strength, Edward. I know you can. If you can resist her blood, you can resist this. You found the strength in Phoenix to stop yourself. You exerted an enormous amount of control, considering the appeal her blood holds for you. You stopped. She's your mate, Edward. Find strength in that. You can do this."

He walked around the desk and stood beside me, his hand pressing into my shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "I have faith in you, my son. Have faith in yourself."

His assurance, his kind words helped tremendously. I took a deep breath. "Thank you, Carlisle."

"Isn't it time for school?" he asked, with a twinkle in his eyes.

I checked the clock. It certainly was. "Yes. Thanks again," I threw over my shoulder as I ran out of his office.

"_Any time, son._" The exultant smile had yet to leave his face.

"Alice," I called as I was dashing down the stairs, "are you ready to go?"

"I'm ditching, Edward," she replied from her bedroom. "I don't have it in me today."

I heard Jasper laugh seductively. "_You will have something in you, all right._" The thought hit my frazzled brain and I was in no mood to witness the images that accompanied it.

Way too much information. I grimaced. "Okay." Three seconds later, I was tearing out of the garage. I wanted to see Bella sooner rather than later. I drove the whole way with a huge smile on my face.

Charlie was already gone by the time I got to Bella's house. I called Emmett on his cell phone.

"Hey, you're back," he answered. "Nothing new. Right, then. I'll see you later."

"Thanks, Emmett," I said.

"Don't mention it."

I was walking up the steps to her house, when I realized I could only hear Bella's heartbeat. There was no other noise. I wondered what she was doing. I knocked on the door, my usual three raps, and ranged my ears further.

No answer. No movement from within. No sounds. Just her heart, beating rapidly. And the faint jostling of paper.

Instant anxiety.

I wasn't going to knock again, and carefully opened the door, flaring nostrils sniffing the air that blew out of the house. It was perfectly normal, just Bella's strong scent, mixed with her father's, and the regular scents of her house. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I followed the sound of her heart, and her scent to the kitchen doorway. She was leaning against the table, reading the newspaper. It was shaking in her hands. I could smell the perspiration of her fear.

"Bella?" I said quietly, my brows furrowed. What was the matter?

She exhaled sharply and spun to face me. Her face was white. The paper dropped to the table. I rushed to her side, and clasped her hand in mine.

"Did I startle you? I'm sorry. I did knock..." "_What kind of stupid question is that_?" I thought to myself. "_Of course you startled her, you idiot._"

"No, no," Bella said, pointing to the newspaper. "Have you seen this?"

I frowned when I saw the headline. 'Seattle Terrorized By Slayings.'

I quickly scanned the report. The body count stood at thirty-nine; twenty-two of the killings had occurred in the last ten days. The problem was accelerating too quickly. I needed to talk to Jasper. Get his perspective on this.

He had a long history of dealing with newborns, and I wanted to discuss a battle plan. We had to do something. Maybe if we actually went to Seattle, Alice would be able to finally get a vision of what was going on. Ignoring the escalation of the slaughter was no longer an option. The Volturi would get involved, and then it would be too late.

"I haven't seen today's news yet," I answered her question. "But I knew it was getting worse. We're going to have to do something... quickly."

"What does Alice say?"

My frown deepened, my face was hard. I didn't like telling her this, but honesty was the best policy at this point. "That's the problem," I explained. "She can't see anything... though we've made up our minds half a dozen times to check it out. She's starting to lose confidence. She feels like she's missing too much these days, that something's wrong. That maybe her vision is slipping away."

Bella looked at me with wide eyes. "Can that happen?"

If so, I'd never heard of it. "Who knows? No one's ever done a study... but I really doubt it. These things tend to intensify over time. Look at Aro and Jane."

"Then what's wrong?"

What, indeed. I had a good guess, but wasn't really sure. "Self-fulfilling prophecy, I think. We keep waiting for Alice to see something so we can go... and she doesn't see anything because we won't really go until she does. So she can't see us there. Maybe we'll have to do it blind."

Bella shuddered. "No." I agreed. I didn't much like that option, either.

Well, after reading the report, I needed to go back to the house, and since Alice wasn't going, I didn't want Bella in school alone. It was so close to finals, ditching would likely not make any difference at this point. But it had to be her choice.

"Did you have a strong desire to attend class today?" I asked her. "We're only a couple of days from finals; they won't be giving us anything new."

"I think I can live without school for a day. What are we doing?"

"I want to talk to Jasper," I simply said. I didn't want to explain why, because that would involve telling her Jasper's history, and giving her that information should be up to him. Bella didn't ask the question I anticipated.

"Okay," she replied, grasping my arm. "Let's go." I quickly grabbed the paper, and let her pull me out of the kitchen. I was a little surprised at her enthusiasm.

I picked up her backpack on the way out, just in case Charlie decided to come home early, and threw it in the backseat of my car, before helping Bella into the seat. A second later, the car sprung to life, and I drove us home.

I didn't bother with the garage, stopping the car in front of the house. I flashed around the car to open Bella's door for her, then clasped her hand firmly in mine. We walked up the steps and into the house together.

Carlisle, Esme and Jasper were focused on the TV, intently watching the news. The sound was probably too low for Bella to hear. The newscaster was relaying information similar to what I'd read in the paper earlier.

Alice sat on the bottom step of the staircase, her hands pressed to either side of her face. I didn't need to read her thoughts to understand the utter discouragement of her expression. "_Why am I not seeing anything? This is all useless. I feel useless. There's just nothing, nothing_."

Rosalie was upstairs, sulking in her room, waiting for Emmett. "_Finally!_"

Two seconds later, Emmett walked in from the kitchen. "_That little detour sure was worth it_." I suppressed a smile. In his typical fashion, he'd been unable to resist the small bear whose fresh trail he'd come across on his way home. I was surprised his shirt was still clean and in one piece, seeing how he'd taken his time, savagely playing with the bear before killing the animal.

"Hey, Edward. Ditching, Bella?" he said with a grin. "_You are corrupting her, Edward_. _Skipping school. Tsk, tsk_."

"We both are," I reminded him.

He laughed. "Yeah, but it's _her_ first time through high school. She might miss something."

I just rolled my eyes.

I lobbed the newspaper at Carlisle. "Did you see that they're considering a serial killer now?"

"_Yes, it's all over the news this morning._" He sighed. "They've had two specialists debating that possibility on CNN all morning."

"_Emmett wants to go now. Jasper and I had a hard time convincing him to stay here. We shouldn't get involved in this._"

"We can't let this go on," I said in disagreement.

"Let's go now," Emmett said with his natural enthusiasm. "I'm dead bored.

Rosalie's ferocious hiss nearly shook the foundations of the house, and her fury spilled over into her unspoken words. "_Over my pile of ashes, you idiot. Are you insane?You want to jump off the cliff without any advance knowledge of what you'll find below? Dumbass!_"

"She's such a pessimist," Emmett muttered.

I didn't like the blind approach any more than Rosalie, but I didn't see any other choice. "We'll have to go sometime."

Rosalie had chosen this particular moment to make an appearance. In line with her promise from Saturday, she made it a point to keep her face smooth, collected. Her thoughts were another matter.

I tuned her out – her anger was such a regular occurrence that none of us really paid much attention to it anymore.

Carlisle shook his head. "_It's not our responsibility, Edward._" "I'm concerned," he said, primarily for Bella's benefit. "We've never involved ourselves in this kind of thing before. It's not our business. We aren't the Volturi."

"I don't want the Volturi to have to come here," I disagreed. "It gives us so much less reaction time."

"_Of course not_," he conceded.

Esme was only thinking of the unfortunate victims of the fiends that had been set loose in Seattle. Her compassion for all people always drove her decisions. "And all those innocent humans in Seattle," she murmured. "It's not right to let them die this way."

"_Who cares. I'm all for ignoring this whole mess._" Rosalie did not share Esme's feelings.

At the precise moment Carlisle said, "I know," and sighed, I picked up an errant thought from Jasper, who was still watching CNN.

"_This whole thing reminds me of the southern wars. It's like someone is building an army. There must be more than 10 newborns loose by now._"

My head snapped around, and I locked eyes with him. "Oh," I said sharply, "I didn't think of that. I see. You're right, that has to be it. Well, that changes everything."

I was already running through the repercussions of this new insight, when my family turned to me, their minds slightly annoyed. Except for Jasper.

"_You agree? I can't think of any other explanation. Nothing else makes sense. This is far too reminiscent of what I've experienced._"

"I think you'd better explain to the others," I told him. I dropped Bella's hand and started pacing the room. My eyes followed the lines of the floorboards. If Jasper was correct, and there was a heedless vampire, or perhaps two, building an army of newborns right under our nose, the Volturi would be here sooner rather than later. The situation was garnering too much human attention, and our inconspicuousness was severely threatened. I'd have to take Bella and run, until the situation was back under control, until the Volturi had cleaned up this mess and gone back home.

"What could be the purpose of this?" I asked Jasper.

He shrugged. "_I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet. This is not the South. There's nothing to claim, nothing to fight over. No territories to defend._"

Alice had gotten up and stood beside Bella, who was looking from me to Jasper and back to me. I could clearly see the confusion on her face, before I heard the confirmation of her feelings in Jasper's mind.

"What is he rambling about?" Alice turned to Jasper. "What are you thinking?"

Jasper hesitated, reaching out to check the emotions emanating from all of us. He looked at each of our faces, before his gaze settled on Bella.

"You're confused," he addressed her directly. With the exception of the occasional chess game, he still kept his distance as a precaution, and their interaction were kept at a minimum.

But he had in the previous spring, during the episode with James, fully accepted her and considered her part of the family. He'd watched over her in Phoenix, and had, with Emmett's help, destroyed James in the ballet studio. That was before he'd tried to kill her on her eighteenth birthday. I had forgiven him for that. He had not.

"We're all confused," Emmett grumbled. "_Come on, give me some details here. The suspense is killing me._"

Jasper glanced at him. "You can afford the time to be patient." His eyes returned to Bella. "Bella should understand this, too. She's one of us now."

I saw the surprise flash in Bella's eyes when the words registered. I wasn't sure why she was surprised, but I supposed it was primarily because of the distance Jasper had put between them. We'd never talked about Jasper, not much. She knew his talent, and that he and Alice were together, but that was all.

"How much do you know about me, Bella?"

I suppressed a sigh, and hoped fervently this wouldn't end with Bella screaming and running from the room. Part of me was still waiting for the moment when something, some new information, would be too much. She had assured me, that wouldn't ever be the case.

I glued my eyes to her face, watching for any minute reactions to guess at the thoughts in her silent mind.

I heard Emmett drop himself into the couch, sighing melodramatically. "_Are you kidding me? Seriously? Do we have to listen to this again? Come on, I want to rip a few newborns apart_."

"Not much," she replied.

Jasper's eyes flashed over to me. "_You haven't told her? She doesn't know?_"

I raised my eyes to him. "No," I said slowly, "I'm sure you can understand why I haven't told her that story. But I suppose she needs to hear it now."

"_Okay, then. I promise to leave out as many of the scarier details as possible, Edward. I don't want to frighten her._"

I appreciated that very much and nodded at him.

"_Very well_," he nodded in return. He rolled up one sleeve of his sweater.

Rosalie's thoughts were less comforting. "_It's about time she fully realizes that our world isn't as poetic as she's imagined._" I glared at her for a second, and she glared back at me. "_What, Edward? You have a problem with that? Give her more credit. She can take it. She's stronger than you think._"

I'd heard that before and the memory rose up in my mind before I shoved it back into a deep corner of my brain.

Jasper held his wrist under the light of the table lamp beside him, illuminating the crescent scars on his arm, tracing a finger over one of the puckered bite marks near the bottom of his arm. I suddenly realized that Bella's weaker, human eyes may not have seen the extent of the physical damages that Jasper had endured in his first nearly one hundred years as a vampire. The emotional scars were visible only to Alice, and me.

"Oh," she breathed, "Jasper, you have a scar exactly like mine." She held out her hand beside his wrist. My breath hitched in my throat when the sight of the double-crescent on her hand hit the light. Pain rippled through me when the memory of how I had nearly lost her then sprung up to the surface like a geyser.

"_She lived, Edward, she lived,_" I reminded myself.

Jasper glanced at me momentarily. "_You okay?_"

I felt a wave of calm emanate from him, as I nodded.

Jasper's smile was faint. "I have a lot of scars like you, Bella." He pushed the sleeve further up his arm, while he ran through the memories in his mind.

Alice, knowing what revisiting that horrible time in his life was doing to Jasper, concentrated on the love she felt for him, and let the feelings radiate through her, to help him out. She knew he'd pick them up instinctively. Then she threw a thought at me.

"_By the way, Edward – congratulations. It was about time you figured it out._"

"Thank you, Alice," I mouthed. She smiled at me in her mind before concentrating on Jasper again.

It took Bella a minute to understand the pattern on his arm, but then she gasped. "Jasper, what _happened_ to you?"

What, indeed. I again glued my eyes to Bella's face as Jasper started to tell her his story.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N:** Thanks for reading... won't you click that green button and leave a review for me?


	11. History

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some, okay - most, (all right - all) of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I live for reviews. Okay, I'm kidding. But really, any and all comments are welcome.

This 11th Chapter is called "History". It's based on Chapter 13, where it is called "Newborn". In it, Jasper tells Bella his story, and the Cullens theorize, plot and plan. There is a bit of extra fluff that I added at the end. Let me know if you like it. I have broken the 10,000 word barrier, so I apologize for the length of this chapter.

As before, I translated and expanded on a lot of emotions for Edward as they are described by Bella in Eclipse, though I thought that perhaps her perception of Edward's feelings, and reasons for doing something, may not always be accurate. So, if you read something in this story that doesn't make sense to you - please remember, it could be because that's how I see him. I may be completely wrong!! Also, while Bella's emotions are clearly described in the books (as she lives them), because Edward can't hear her mind, I have in some rare instances chosen to change the emotions to what I thought he might perceive. I also used, where applicable, other information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and additional data readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Disclaimer: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Thank you!

**11. History**

Morning.

"The same thing that happened to your hand," Jasper replied in a quiet, pained voice. "Repeated a thousand times."

He laughed once, mournfully, and ran his hand over his exposed arm. My eyes were still glued to Bella's face. Her eyes were wide, staring at the angry crescents zigzagging across Jasper's skin. Her expression was horrified. Her mouth hung open. Her heartbeat was picking up speed.

I felt her terror through Jasper's mind. "Our venom is the only thing that leaves a scar," he explained her unspoken question. He didn't mention the pain he endured receiving those bites.

I'd never been bitten by another vampire myself. I could only imagine what it felt like. Even Jasper's thoughts were not sufficient to truly understand the horror of what he had gone through.

"_Why_?" Bella breathed.

Alice concentrated harder on her love for Jasper, and he picked up the feelings emanating from her. "_I love you, Jazz, I'm here, I love you. It's okay, Sweetheart, it's okay_."

"I didn't have quite the same... upbringing as my adopted siblings here." His voice turned to stone. "My beginning was something else entirely."

Bella stared at him, open-mouthed, her expression appalled. I read the feelings through Jasper.

He shot a quick glance at me. "Gently," I mouthed. He nodded, invisible to Bella.

"Before I tell you my story," he continued, "you must understand that there are places in _our_ world, Bella, where the life span of the never-aging is measured in weeks, and not centuries."

At this point, Carlisle and Emmett refocused on the TV, while Esme started the same chant in her mind as Alice. "_We love you, Jasper, we love you_."

Alice moved to the couch and sat down in front of Esme's legs, and reached up for Esme's hand. I kept my eyes on Bella.

"To really understand why, you have to look at the world from a different perspective. You have to imagine the way it looks to the powerful, the greedy... the perpetually thirsty."

Bella's eyes were glued to Jasper's face.

"You see, there are places in this world that are more desirable to us than others. Places where we can be less restrained, and still avoid detection. Picture, for instance, a map of the wester hemisphere. Picture on it every human life as a small red dot. The thicker the red, the more easily we – well, those of us who exist this way – can feed without attracting notice."

I saw the shudder go through Bella's body at the last few words, and quickly glanced at Jasper. I was suddenly anxious. "Please," I mouthed at him.

"Not that the covens in the South care much for what the humans notice or not. It's the Volturi," the respect in his voice was audible, "that keep them in check. They are the only ones the southern covens fear. If not for the Volturi, the rest of us would be quickly exposed."

Bella frowned. I could imagine why. Her short history with the Volturi had to make her wonder at the grateful tone in Jasper's voice. He was right, of course. They usually took decisive care of this kind of mess, and only my fear for Bella's humanity made me anxious at a visit from them. Jasper picked up on both Bella's confusion, and my anxiety.

"_I'm sorry, Edward, but she has got to understand this_." He'd misread my emotion, not knowing the reason behind it.

"It's okay," I whispered, outside of Bella's earshot.

"The North is, by comparison, very civilized. Mostly we are nomads here who enjoy the day as well as the night, who allow humans to interact with us unsuspectingly – anonymity is important to us all."

And then there was my family. And Tanya's coven up in Denali. We knew of no others who lived the way we did.

"It's a different world in the South. The immortals there come out only at night. They spend the day plotting their next move, or anticipating their enemy's. Because it has been war in the South, constant war for centuries, with never one moment of truce. The covens there barely note the existence of humans, except as soldiers notice a herd of cows by the wayside – food for the taking. They only hide from the notice because of the Volturi."

Bella was still confused. It was so much easier to read her face when I could hear her emotions through Jasper. I wished again that I could simply hear her. I'd have been extraordinarily grateful if I could've heard her thoughts just this once. "But what are they fighting for?" she asked him.

Jasper smiled, pleased at the question. "Remember the map with the red dots?"

She nodded.

"They fight for control of the thickest red." The cities with the highest population. The cities with the highest number of vagrants, the poor, the people nobody would miss if they disappeared.

"You see, it occurred to someone once that, if he were the only vampire in, let's say Mexico City, well then, he could feed every night, twice, three times, and no one would ever notice. He plotted ways to get rid of the competition."

Jasper glanced at me again, before continuing. "Others had the same idea. Some came up with more effective tactics than others. But the _most_ effective tactic was invented by a fairly young vampire named Benito. The first anyone ever heard of him he came down from somewhere north of Dallas and massacred the two small covens that shared the area near Houston."

Bella flinched. I quickly glared at Jasper. "Please," I mouthed. "Please use less descriptive words."

He complied. "Two nights later, he took on the much stronger clan of allies that claimed Monterrey in northern Mexico. Again, he won."

"How did he win?" she asked, curiosity and wariness in her voice, as well as in her feelings, which I could read compliment of Jasper.

"Benito had created an army of newborn vampires. He was the first one to think of it, and in the beginning, he was unstoppable. Very young vampires are volatile, wild, and almost impossible to control. One newborn can be reasoned with, taught to restrain himself, but then, fifteen together are a nightmare. They'll turn on each other as easily as on the enemy you point them at. Benito had to keep making more as they fought amongst themselves, and as the covens he decimated took more than half his force down before they lost."

I wondered if Bella was thinking about her choice at this moment, perhaps thinking that possibly she'd gotten a glimpse of her own future. Not that I would let her be like that. She knew that, too. If I had to take her to Antarctica and feed on penguins for a year, I would. She trusted me to keep her from killing a human, and I would not betray her trust.

I had stopped listening for a moment, and Jasper had already moved on. "They're incredibly powerful physically, for the first year or so, and if they're allowed to bring strength to bear they can crush and older vampire with ease. But they are slaves to their instincts, and thus predictable. Usually, they have no skill in fighting, only muscle and ferocity. And in this case, overwhelming numbers."

I grimaced. If this was really what we were dealing with in Seattle, we were already outnumbered. We would need help. Jasper had estimated their number at ten or more. And none of them was worried about staying inconspicuous. We, on the other hand, would have to be. I wondered briefly if we could contact Peter and Charlotte to help us. Peter also knew quite well how to deal with newborns.

"... they did the only thing they could think of to counteract Benito. They made armies of their own... All hell broke loose – and I mean that more literally than you can possibly imagine. We immortals have our histories, too, and this particular war will never be forgotten. Of course, it was not a good time to be human in Mexico, either."

Bella shuddered again, and Jasper felt my sudden anger. Did he truly have to be so explicit? "_Sorry, Edward, but she has got to understand_." I glared at him. He ignored me then.

"When the body count reached epidemic proportions – in fact, your histories blame a disease for the population slump – the Volturi finally stepped in. The entire guard came together and sought out every newborn in the bottom half of North America. Benito was entrenched in Puebla, building his army as quickly as he could in order to take on the prize – Mexico City. The Volturi started with him, and then moved on to the rest.

"Anyone who was found with the newborns was executed immediately, and, since everyone was trying to protect themselves from Benito, Mexico was emptied of vampires for a time."

A very short time. Less than a decade later, the immortals were already back, reestablishing territories.

"The Volturi were cleaning house for almost a year. This was another chapter of our history that will always be remembered, though there were very few witnesses left to speak of what it was like. I spoke to someone once who had, from a distance, watched what had happened when they visited Culiacan."

I flinched at the mental pictures, though I had seen them before. Jasper shuddered in sheer horror, remembering the fearsome cruelty and gruesomeness of the Volturi's decisive actions.

No one had been allowed to live. They had ripped a ferocious trail of destruction through the area, pulling immortal after immortal from their hiding holes, and without fail, tearing them to pieces. The shrill screams of pain had been deafening even to vampire ears. Body parts were heaped onto piles outside of the town and burned to ash. The stench and smoke from the fires had produced a haze that covered the area for days.

Jasper took a breath and continued with this story. "It was enough that the fever for conquest did not spread from the South. The rest of the world stayed sane. We owe the Volturi for our present way of life. But when the Volturi went back to Italy, the survivors were quick to stake their claims in the South. It didn't take long before covens began to dispute again. There was a lot of bad blood, if you'll forgive the expression. Vendettas abounded."

Revenge was a very common emotion for an immortal, and not one that was easily overcome. We never forgave the loss of our mates.

"The idea of newborns was already there, and some were not able to resist. However, the Volturi had not been forgotten, and the southern covens were more careful this time. The newborns were selected from the human pool with more care, and given more training. They were used circumspectly, and the humans remained, for the most part, oblivious. Their creators gave the Volturi no reason to return."

Bella's eyes were still on Jasper, her face contorted with the horror she had just heard. I wished I could take her into my arms, and comfort her, but Jasper was right. She had to hear this.

"The wars resumed, but on a smaller scale. Every now and then, someone would go too far, and the Volturi would return and clean out the city. But they let the others, the careful ones, continue... "

And there was a reason for it, something I had seen in Aro's mind while we were in Volterra. When he'd thought of Carlisle, and the life he'd built for himself, Aro had been not only greedy, but also worried. He'd thought back to the southern wars, and I had briefly seen the reason why the careful covens had been allowed to continue the fighting. It prevented them from growing too large, too bonded. Aro didn't like competition. He'd tried to suppress the thoughts, knowing that I would pick them right out of his head, but I had seen them nonetheless.

Jasper stared at nothing. In his mind, he was reliving the last few moments of his humanity; the dim, blurry memories he had purposefully kept from fading completely.

Bella understood his vacant gaze. "That's how you were changed," she whispered, her face full of compassion for the pain on Jasper's face.

"Yes," he confirmed her question, "when I was human, I lived in Houston, Texas. I was almost seventeen years old when I joined the Confederate Army in 1861. I lied to the recruiters and told them I was twenty. I was tall enough to get away with it."

I kept watching Bella's face. This particular part of the story wasn't quite as horrifying, but I still tensed. I wanted him to leave out the actual pain of the transformation. The searing fire had burned through all of us for three long days. It was one of our earliest memories. He was telling her about meeting his creator, a vampire named Maria, drawing on all of the details he remembered. His last moment as Major Jasper Whitlock, when she'd inclined her head, and he'd thought she was going to kiss him. Instead, he'd felt her teeth at his throat.

My tension grew and he could feel it. I tried to catch his eye. "Don't mention the pain," I whispered so low that Bella didn't stand a chance of hearing it. He again nodded imperceptibly and paused at that moment. I was very grateful.

He skipped over the part I'd feared, and went on to tell Bella about the plan that Maria had come up with to regain her territories. How he'd received extra training, extra rewards when he'd done well. I grimaced when I saw the understanding of what he meant by those rewards wash over Bella's face, but I was glad that he had edited out the actual words. He'd been rewarded with human blood, quite often.

Maria had been pleased with his skill at combat. Eventually, she'd put him in charge of the newborns, and his talent of effectively controlling the emotions of those around him had helped him tremendously to keep them as tame as possible. The newborns had cooperated like never before, and Maria's territories had grown to cover most of Texas and northern Mexico in just the first year. It was a grand testament to Jasper's military skills and training.

The fighting had intensified as other covens came up from southern Mexico to overthrow her. Worries abounded that the Volturi would return, and Maria and Jasper were slowly dislodged, but managed to hold on to Monterrey. Eventually, the idea of conquest had dissipated, and most of the wars were rooted in vengeance alone.

Bella's eyes did not leave Jasper's face. Her mouth was slightly open while she listened intently. Her breathing was shallow, her heartbeat fast, but steady. Her feelings ranged from horror to shock to compassion for his suffering.

Jasper had arrived at another gruesome part of his story. "Maria and I always kept a dozen or so newborns ready. They meant little to us – they were pawns, they were disposable. When they outgrew their usefulness, we _did_ dispose of them. My life continued in the same violent pattern and the years passed. I was sick of it all for a very long time before anything changed... "

Jasper had developed a conscience – an outstanding feat, though completely subconsciously, considering the violence and blood lust with which he had lived. He was growing depressed, tired of living his life this way. It was during this time that he'd met his friend Peter.

I could empathize with the depression. I knew the feeling well. In the few years when I had defied Carlisle's rules for our peaceful existence, it hadn't taken me long to feel the prick of my conscience at so much human life taken. Though I'd only hunted those humans that hunted others, I'd realized that I was, in effect, playing God. I wasn't immune from the depression.

I had gladly recommitted myself to his vision, and he had received me like the prodigal son, though I hadn't deserved his forgiveness. I tried to emulate him in everything I did, and often failed miserably. If at the end of eternity, I could be half the man Carlisle was, I would consider my life well spent.

"And then it was time to purge again. The newborns were outgrowing their strength; they were due to be replaced. Peter was supposed to help me dispose of them. We took them aside individually, you see, one by one..." He thankfully skipped over the gruesomeness of the disposal, but I could see on Bella's face, that yet again, she understood perfectly.

In the background, I could still hear Alice and Esme chanting in their minds. It kept Jasper from being overwhelmed by the memories. Rosalie had sat down in Emmett's lap, attempting to distract him, while he and Carlisle were still watching the news.

"It was always a long night. This time, he tried to convince me that a few had potential, but Maria had instructed that we get rid of them all. I told him no. We were about halfway through, and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter. I was trying to decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called out the next victim. To my surprise, he was suddenly angry, furious. I braced for whatever his mood might foreshadow – he was a good fighter, but he was never a match for me." Jasper took a breath. "_I think she'll understand this part easily, Edward_," he quickly glanced at me. Bella didn't notice – it was too fast.

"The newborn I'd summoned was a female, just past her year mark. Her name was Charlotte. His feelings changed when she came into view; they gave him away. He yelled for her to run, and he bolted after her. I could have pursued them, but I didn't. I felt... averse to destroying him. Maria was irritated with me for that... "

Jasper sighed. "Five years later, Peter snuck back for me. He picked a good day to arrive. Maria was mystified by my ever-deteriorating frame of mind. She'd never felt a moment's depression, and I wondered why I was different. I began to notice a change in her emotions when she was near me – sometimes there was fear... and malice – the same feelings that had given me advance warning when Nettie and Lucy struck. I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally, the core of my existence, when Peter returned."

His story was finally getting to the part which put him on the road to Alice. His mate. Her very first vision after waking up to the new life had been of Jasper.

"Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte, told me about options I'd never dreamed I had. In five years, they'd never had a fight, though they met many others in the north. Others who could co-exist without the constant mayhem. In one conversation, he had me convinced. I was ready to go, and somewhat relieved I wouldn't have to kill Maria. I'd been her companion for as many years as Carlisle and Edward have been together, yet the bond between us was nowhere near as strong When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken. I walked away without a backward glance."

He'd traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years, becoming acclimated to the more peaceful life, but he'd been unable to shake his depression. In fact, it had gotten worse.

"I didn't understand what was wrong with me, until Peter noticed that it was always worse after I'd hunted. I contemplated that. In so many years of slaughter and carnage, I'd lost nearly all of my humanity. I was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind. Yet each time I found another human victim, I would feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life. Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty, I could see Maria and the others in my head, what they had looked like to me that last night that I was Jasper Whitlock. It was stronger for me – this borrowed memory – than it was for anyone else, because I could _feel _everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them."

He paused for just a second, focusing his gaze on Bella, whose eyes were locked on his face.

"You've experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself, Bella, but I wonder if you realize how the feelings in a room affect _me_. For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion. It eased some when I left Maria, but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey. It began to be too much."

He took another deep breath, as Bella's face transformed itself again from horror to utter compassion. Her brows were furrowed, and her eyes conveyed the sadness she felt for his suffering. Jasper picked up on it right away. He almost smiled. "_Bella__ is truly one of a kind, Edward_." I completely agreed.

He forged ahead. "The depression got worse, and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. Civilized as they were, they didn't feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel. They only wanted peace from the fight. I was so wearied by killing – killing anyone, even mere humans. Yet, I had to keep killing. What choice did I have? I tried to kill less often, but I would get too thirsty and I would give in. After a century of instant gratification, I have found self-discipline... challenging. I still haven't perfected that."

At this point, his expression turned desolate, and he was thinking of Bella's last birthday party. Ashamed of his actions that night, frustrated that he didn't have better control. "_Edward, I'm so sorry, so very sorry. I wish I could take it back, I wish I could tell her myself_."

The feelings he read from Bella were still utter compassion. She had long forgiven him, as I had. I wished he would forgive himself. "I forgave you, Jasper. It's all right," I mouthed to him.

He was thinking of Alice now, and quickly glanced at his love. His mouth turned up into a peaceful smile. "I was in Philadelphia. There was a storm, and I was out during the day – something I was not completely comfortable with yet. I knew standing in the rain would attract attention, so I ducked into a little half-empty diner. My eyes were dark enough that no one would notice them, though this meant I was thirsty, and that worried me a little. She was there – expecting me, naturally." He chuckled at the memory of seeing Alice's face for the first time.

"She hopped down from the high stool at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me."

Alice got off the floor and slowly walked over to stand behind Bella. Esme stopped her chanting, knowing that Jasper was past the horrors of his story, and focused her attention on Carlisle, and the TV.

"It shocked me. I was not sure if she meant to attack. That's the only interpretation of her behavior my past had to offer. But she was smiling. And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt before."

He'd fallen in love that instant, unthinkingly, unknowingly, instinctively. Like we all had. "'You've kept me waiting a long time,' she said."

Alice laughed. "And you ducked your head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said 'I'm sorry, ma'am.'"

Jasper's return smile was full of love. I was smiling, too. "You held out your hand, and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing. For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope." He took her hand into his, both of them reliving the memory.

Alice grinned. "I was just relieved. I thought you were never going to show." For a long moment, they simply stared at each other, and all I could hear from either one was the intense love they shared.

Bella's face was more relaxed now; she seemed glad that Jasper's story had taken such a wondrous turn for the better. He broke his visual connection with Alice, and returned his gaze to Bella.

"Alice told me what she'd seen of Carlisle and his family. I could hardly believe that such an existence was possible. But Alice made me optimistic. So we went to find them."

And find us, they did. I wasn't home when they got to our house. We were living outside of Chesterfield in New York State, right in the middle of the Adirondack mountains at the time, where the Great Lakes pushed cloudy days our way on a fairly consistent basis. The wildlife was plentiful, and Carlisle had been working at the local hospital.

I rolled my eyes at Jasper. He'd left out quite a bit. "Scared the hell out of them, too,"I said, turning to Bella, while Alice giggled. "Emmett and I were away hunting. Jasper shows up, covered in battle scars, towing this little freak," I nudged Alice to emphasize my point, "who greets them all by name, knows everything about them, and wants to know which room she move into." I grinned.

Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie had been utterly flabbergasted and frightened. Cell phones hadn't been invented yet, so they couldn't even call us to come home. When Emmett and I returned, we'd been in for quite a surprise.

Alice and Jasper were both laughing mirthfully by this time. "When I got home, all my things were in the garage." I'd no longer had a room of my own until Esme had renovated the third floor attic, which then became my room and an office for herself. The week it had taken to get that accomplished had been quite miserable – like living out of a suitcase, almost. I hadn't been very happy, but we'd spent most of that time talking to the two of them, finding out about them as much as possible.

Alice shrugged. "Your room had the best view." I snorted, but couldn't suppress my mirth, and we were all laughing together at the comical memories.

"That's a nice story," Bella said out of the blue. The laughter died on our lips. What? The three of us glanced at each other before focusing on her, our thoughts in tune. Was she deranged? Perhaps I should have asked Carlisle to evaluate her mental health after all.

"I meant the last part," she explained when she saw the incredulity in our eyes. "The happy ending with Alice."

Oh. "Alice has made all the difference," Jasper nodded. "This is a climate I enjoy."

Alice's eyes had glazed over for a second. "An army," she whispered, her voice strained. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Carlisle and Emmett were also paying attention now, as were Esme and Rosalie. We were all looking at Jasper, hoping he'd be able to make sense of this madness. "I thought I must be interpreting the signs incorrectly. Why would someone create an army in Seattle? There is no history there, no vendetta. It makes no sense from a conquest standpoint, either; no one claims it. Nomads pass through, but there's no one to _fight_ for it. No one to defend it from."

His eyes swept across our faces. "But I've seen this before, and there's no other explanation. There is an army of newborn vampires in Seattle. Fewer than twenty, I'd guess. The difficult part is that they are totally untrained. Whoever made them just set them loose. It will only get worse, and it won't be much longer till the Volturi step in. Actually, I'm surprised they've let this go on so long."

So was I. This was unprecedented. An theory began to form in my mind, a reason slowly coming to the surface. Listening to Jasper's story had loosened a thread of thought, that I had previously not considered. There was one coven in the area that would justify someone creating a newborn army. Us.

"What can we do?" Carlisle asked. "_I really don't want us involved in this, but it sounds like we no longer have a choice._"

"If we want to avoid the Volturi's involvement, we will have to destroy the newborns, and we will have to do it very soon," Jasper answered, his voice as hard as his face. The realization disturbed him greatly – he didn't want to relive his own history. "I can teach you how. It won't be easy in the city. The young ones aren't concerned with secrecy, but we will have to be. It will limit us in ways that they are not. Maybe we can lure them out."

My voice was bleak as I shared my hypothesis. "Maybe we won't have to," I said quietly, my mind running through the repercussions of what I had just discovered. "Does it occur to anyone else that the only possible threat in the area that would call for the creation of an army is... us?"

The thoughts starting flying around me. Jasper's eyes narrowed. "_You may be right_," he thought, suddenly anxious. "_I hadn't thought of that, Edward. But we don't live that way. Why would anyone feel the need to build an army to take something we don't even want?_" I was with him on that, to an extent. I hadn't been able to think of a reason for it.

Carlisle's eyes were wide. He was shocked at my revelation. "_But why_?_ What can we do?_"

Emmett was very plain in his reaction. "_Well, shit. That puts a damper on things. There's too many of them. This will be much trickier than I'd thought_."

Rosalie was a mixture of fear and fierce determination. "_I will not allow anything to happen to Emmett. We'll leave if necessary_."

And then there was Esme, reluctant to accept the truth of my words. "Tanya's family is also near."

"The newborns aren't ravaging Anchorage, Esme," I dismissed her words instantly. Besides, there were only five of them in Denali, and only one with any offensive talent. "I think we have to consider the idea that _we_ are the targets."

"They're not coming after us," Alice insisted, and then a flash in her mind made her falter. She continued after a moment, thinking about these sudden inconclusive visual flashes. "Or... they don't _know_ that they are. Not yet."

I was instantly tensed. This was new. I hadn't seen these fluttering bits and pieces before. "What is that?" I asked her. "What are you remembering?"

"Flickers," she answered, staring at me. "I can't see a clear picture when I try to see what's going on, nothing concrete. But I've been getting these strange flashes. Not enough to make sense of. It's as if someone's changing their mind, moving from one course of action to another so quickly that I can't get a good view... "

"_It's almost like when you ran off to Italy, Edward. I only got bits and pieces while you kept changing your mind, until you decided on your final action._"

Her thoughts triggered yet another epiphany. Fury engulfed me and a growl escaped my lips. "Not indecision," I snarled. "_Knowledge_. Someone who knows you can't see anything until the decision is made. Someone who is hiding from us. Playing with the holes in your vision."

There was a good possibility that the Volturi were involved in this after all. They were betraying us. I could imagine Aro, or even Caius, in my mind's eye, sending an unknown vampire to Seattle, explaining how Alice's visions worked, and preventing her from seeing and warning us.

Heaven help us.

"Who would know that?" she whispered, anxiously staring at my face.

Intense guilt joined the fury raging inside me. This was all my fault. If I hadn't so stupidly run off to Italy after Rosalie's phone call, this would have never happened. My voice was cold. "Aro knows you as well as you know yourself."

"But I would see if they'd decided to come... "

I had an answer for that, too. "Unless they didn't want to get their hands dirty." This completely fit in with my theory. They'd sent someone we didn't know, someone who owed them a favor of some kind. Someone who'd long ago received an undeserved pardon, perhaps.

Shockingly, Rosalie was on the same wavelength. "A favor," she injected. "Someone in the South... someone who already had trouble with the rules. Someone who should have been destroyed is offered a second chance – if they take care of this one small problem... That would explain the Volturi's sluggish response."

"Why?" Carlisle asked. "_What have we done to bring this upon us_?" "There is no reason for the Volturi..."

"I was there," I said quietly, consumed by guilt and fear. "I'm surprised it's come to this so soon, because the other thoughts were stronger. In Aro's head he saw me at his one side and Alice at his other. The present and the future, virtual omniscience. The power of the idea intoxicated him. I would have thought it would take him much longer to give up on that plan – he wanted it too much."

I paused for a fraction of a second. What was I saying? In theory, he might just achieve both. He would do what it took to gain what he wanted and feed his hunger for dominion. He'd have his minions kill off everyone else, and then enslave Alice and me.

"But there was also the thought of you, Carlisle, of our family, growing stronger and larger. The jealousy and the fear; you having... not _more_ than he had, but still, things that the wanted. He tried not to think about it, but he couldn't hide it completely. The idea of rooting out the competition was there; besides their own, our is the largest coven they've ever found... "

Bella was staring at me, her terror at my words reflected in the feelings that Jasper was absorbing from her. I could smell her fear. I had never told her this, and I didn't much like telling her now, but I couldn't keep this from her any longer.

If my suspicion was correct, we were all in mortal danger. At least Demetri wouldn't be able to find Bella if I concealed her. Only if Aro came himself, would he know where I'd hidden her. And that was unlikely. The ancients almost never left Volterra.

Carlisle didn't believe me. "They're too committed to their mission. They would never break the rules themselves. It goes against everything they've worked for."

My voice was grim. "They'll clean up afterwards," I theorized. "A double betrayal. No harm done."

"_What's with the guilt, Edward? Quit being so masochistic. There's nothing you need to feel guilty about. And I don't believe your little theory_._ It doesn't add up._" Jasper wasn't buying my theory either. "No, Carlisle is right. The Volturi don't break rules. Besides, it's much too sloppy. This... person, this threat – they have no idea what they're doing. A first-timer, I'd swear to it. I cannot believe the Volturi are involved. But they will be."

I contemplated his words. He did know more about this than I, certainly. Perhaps I was overreacting, overthinking this. Either way, we were still in danger. We all stared at each other, immobilized by fear and stress.

Emmett's roar broke the silence. "Then let's _go_," he shouted. "What are we waiting for?"

"_Shut up, you idiot. Is there a problem with your ears? God, I swear, you'll be the death of me one day_." Rosalie's silent reaction was instantaneous.

Carlisle looked at me for a moment, his eyes conveying the pain I could read in his thoughts. Pain at the possibility of losing one of us. "_Is there really no other option? What will we do? Will you stay and fight with us, Edward? You know how I abhor this violence, and I can understand if you'd want to take Bella and run, but we'll need you, and your gift, if it truly comes to a fight. Will you stay?_"

Of course, I would stay. I would not abandon them. There were other way to keep Bella out of harm's way. I nodded once.

"We'll need you to teach us, Jasper," he said, his voice full of the anguish at having to do what we had to do. "How to destroy them."

"We're going to need help," Jasper said, his voice as cold as I suddenly felt. "Do you think Tanya's family would be willing... ? Another five mature vampires would make an enormous difference. And then Kate and Eleazar would be especially advantageous on our side. It would be almost easy, with their help."

I didn't quite agree with the easy part, though Kate's offensive gift, and Eleazar's instinct for any talent the newborns might have would be very helpful, indeed.

"We'll ask," Carlisle said, as Jasper whipped out his cell phone.

"We need to hurry," he urged. "_There's not much time left until the Volturi will come_."

Carlisle took the phone, and walked towards the window. Leaning one hand against the pane, he dialed Tanya's number.

I took Bella's hand, and gently pulled her over to the love-seat to sit her down. Her face was white, and she seemed in shock. I could read her fear in the sheen of perspiration, without needing confirmation from Jasper. Putting my arm around her as we sat, I stared at Carlisle and listened closely to the conversation through his mind.

Tanya picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Tanya – it's Carlisle. I hope you are all doing well."

"Carlisle – it's good to hear from you. How are you and your family?"

"Fine for the moment. Listen, Tanya, have you been watching the news out of Seattle?"

"Yes, of course, but we haven't really been keeping tabs on it. Of course, it's much closer to where you are. What's going on?"

"Jasper has convinced us that someone is building an army of newborns right under our nose, Tanya. You know his history, certainly, and as much as it pains me, I have to agree with him. We've come to the conclusion that we need to get involved. Before the Volturi come here. We can't have them so close, not now, not with Bella still human. Edward theorizes that the Volturi might be involved already, but I'm not sure I believe that. Meanwhile, the situation in Seattle is too grave for us to handle on our own. We'll need help – we can't do this alone. Which is why I'm calling. Would you be willing to assist us?"

"Well, Carlisle – under any other circumstances we would be there by morning, but Irina is very angry with you all. You remember Laurent, don't you? He spend almost a year up here, and the two of them became very close. They weren't mated, but be that as it may, she holds you all responsible for his death. I'm afraid that she's not going to be in favor of helping you with your little problem. And that leaves us out, as well, as I'm sure you can understand. She's been very distraught these past few months, and it's been taking a toll on all of us."

Tanya's voice was harsher than I'd ever heard her speak to Carlisle. "Oh," he said sharply, "we didn't realize... Irina felt that way."

I groaned in frustration and closed my eyes in despair. "Damn it. Damn Laurent to the deepest pit of hell where he belongs."

"Laurent?" Bella whispered next to me, but I was still too focused on the phone conversation to explain the situation.

"Tanya, please – I beg you. We cannot do this on our own. Your family are our closest friends, you know that, nearly extended family. We've been through much together, Tanya. Would you doom any of us this way?"

There was a pause on the other end as Tanya quickly conferred with her family. She'd muffled the phone somehow, and Carlisle was unable to hear her.

"Well, perhaps there is another option. Irina might be inclined to forgive you – under a certain condition."

"Condition?" Carlisle repeated. "_What could she want_?" "What condition, Tanya?"

"She wants revenge, as you can imagine. The wolves' lives for our assistance."

"Tanya, please, you can't be serious. The wolves saved Bella's life. How can you ask me to agree to this?"

"Ah yes – Bella. The human Edward's in love with. That doesn't matter to Irina. Her condition stands."

I was appalled. They were truly abandoning us. I hadn't expected that, not after our long history together. But I also had a fairly good idea why Tanya herself was unwilling to help. The last time I'd seen her, when I had fled to Denali after meeting Bella for the first time, nearly overcome by the call of her blood, Tanya had misunderstood my reason for being there. She'd thought I'd come for her, and my second rejection had apparently hurt her feelings more deeply than I'd realized.

"But Tanya – they _are_ mated. You know what that means, don't you?"

"Then he should have turned her long ago, Carlisle. Either way, it doesn't matter. Irina wants the wolves in exchange for our help."

"There's no question of that," Carlisle said sharply. "We have a truce. They haven't broken it, and neither will we. I'm sorry to hear that...."

"So am I, Carlisle. I hope you understand that I cannot go against my sister's wishes. I have to think of my own family first."

"Of course. Well just have to do our best alone." He snapped the phone shut, and looked unseeingly out into the misty forests. "_Heaven help us_."

"_Edward? What's going on? Are they not going to help? I only caught Carlisle's side_." Esme was worriedly looking at Carlisle.

"What's the problem?" Emmett asked me quietly, staring at Carlisle's pensive stance for a moment, before looking at me.

"Irina was more involved with our friend Laurent than we knew," I answered him sarcastically. "She's holding a grudge against the wolves for destroying him to save Bella. She wants..." I paused, looking down at her, while the pain of the memory nearly took my breath away. I hadn't been here to keep her safe. Again, this was my fault. The guilt was intense. If I'd never left her, this wouldn't be happening.

"_Edward, why are you feeling guilty? What is up with you_?" Jasper looked at me quizzically.

"Go on," Bella said uneasily, apparently having misunderstood the reason for my hesitation.

My eyes tightened as I forced the words out, knowing it would upset her greatly. "She wants revenge. To take down the pack. They would trade their help for our permission."

"No!" Bella nearly shouted, as expected.

"Don't worry," I assured her quickly. "Carlisle would never agree to it." I hesitated, and exhaled in a rush. Then I laid my heart bare to let her see my raw pain at the memory of her close encounter. "Nor would I. Laurent had it coming," I couldn't suppress a growl and ended up snarling the rest of my words, "and I still owe the wolves for that."

"This isn't good," Jasper said anxiously. "It's too even a fight. We'd have the upper hand in skill, but not in numbers. We'd win, but at what price?" His eyes darted to Alice and back to me, as he thought of losing Alice. His own pain was intensified by our own. Rosalie curled herself deeper into Emmett's arms.

We all looked at each other. We could see the truth in Jasper's words. There'd be a price to pay if we went it alone. And one by one – we all accepted that.

Bella breathing was shallow and fast as the fear increased her already rapid heartbeat. Her gaze flickered across our faces, back and forth, as she began to hyperventilate. I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her onto my lap. Esme was quietly sobbing. Carlisle walked over to the couch and put his hands on her shoulders. Alice melted into Jasper who wrapped her into his arms.

Bella burst into tears, hot, salty, streaming down her cheeks. Her head turned into my shoulder and I felt the wetness seep into my shirt. "Shh, Bella, shh, it's all right, it's okay. We're fine, love, we're fine. Shh, my love, it's okay," I quietly chanted in her ear.

"_Take her upstairs to your room_, _Son_" Carlisle suggested. "_Do your best to calm her down. We need to plan, need to call others. She's heard enough_."

My thoughts exactly. I got up and carried Bella to my room. Carefully, I laid us both down on the bed and pulled her against me.

"Edward," she cried, "oh, Edward. What are we going to do?" Her hand gripped my shirt and she crushed herself closer to me.

"It will be okay, Bella, we will find a way. We are strong. Don't worry, please don't worry."

"How can I not?" she sobbed.

"Bella," I said, desperate to stop the flow of tears. "Bella, sweetheart, I promise you – it will be all right. There are others we can call, others who will help. Please don't worry."

We lay quietly for a while until the sobs faded and her breathing returned to normal. She lifted her face to mine, then and, bringing one hand to her cheek, I gently brushed her tears away with my fingertips. I kissed her forehead.

It wasn't enough for her. With a deep breath, she twisted in my arm and before I had a chance to stop her, she crushed her lips against mine. I could feel the desperation of her kiss, and I had no choice but to return it. Her lips opened and her warm, sweet breath blew her unique scent into my face. Her small, hot hand began to roam over my chest.

Pure desire instantly washed over me, and suddenly my hands were moving, too. The kiss deepened, until she broke away gasping for air. Her head fell back, exposing her throat. Even then, I did not stop – I simply moved my lips down to her jawline, the translucent skin on her neck, against the pulsing artery on the side. I deeply inhaled her scent again. Fire erupted in my throat, but it was so easy to ignore. I gently ran my hands up and down her back, debating whether I should dare to put my hand against her bare skin.

Bella put her hands on my face and returned her lips to mine. Her tongue brushed against my mouth, and suddenly, I felt her teeth on my lower lip. She bit down gently, and then sucked my lip between hers. The sensation of being enveloped in the warmth of her lips was simply shocking. It sent a flash of electricity throughout my body, and instantly put me on the brink. Bella quietly moaned. That did it.

My low growl of pleasure came out of nowhere. My manhood hardened without my permission, twitching against my groin. I was so shocked by her boldness, I forgot to think for a split second, before I broke off the kiss.

In one swift motion, with just enough brainpower to avoid hurling her across the room, I rolled off the bed and landed on the floor, gasping.

Holy hell! Where had that come from?

The monster in my head yelled. "_Get back there, you idiot. What are you doing? She wants it – give it to her_."

I sat up, trying to get my erection under control, and stared at her in furious disbelief. Was she insane?

Bella crawled over to the side of the bed and looked down at me. "I'm sorry," she said breathlessly. "I didn't mean to do that."

If I had been human, my face would have been bright red. In my embarrassment, my voice was angrier than I meant it to be. "What the _hell _was that, Bella?"

She blushed deeply, but didn't answer.

I was abashed at having cursed at her. "I'm sorry, Bella... "

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I didn't mean to swear at you. That was very impolite"

"No big deal," she simply replied and shrugged. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Did you just growl?"

Oh, damn, she'd heard it. I mustered all the dignity I could find inside me, with my throbbing member pulsing in my lap, and threw her a withering glare. She seemed entirely unimpressed. Damn.

"I suppose I did," I admitted sheepishly.

She smiled. "Really?"

Had she liked that? Interesting. I filed that information away for future use. Then I shook my head at myself. Under the current circumstances, this entire discussion was not a good idea.

I took a deep breath, and with flying hands, so she wouldn't see, rearranged the front of my pants. "You surprised me. That's not a smart move, you know, surprising me. If I'm not in control of myself, I could hurt you. You know that."

"I know," she replied, and the sadness in her voice nearly broke my frozen heart. "Edward, I am sorry, really."

"Shh," I whispered gently. "It's all right. Just don't do it again." I climbed back onto the bed, and she snuggled herself against me. I wrapped her in my arms.

I sighed. What was I going to do? Not only was I warring with my own desires, now I had hers to worry about, too?

Bella's stomach rumbled. I checked the clock and realized it was lunch time. "Are you hungry?" I asked her.

"A little," she replied. "But I don't want to go downstairs yet."

"Would you like me to get you something?"

"That would be nice. What do you have, you think?"

"I have no idea," I admitted. "Can I not persuade you to come to the kitchen with me? If you like, we can bring your tray back here."

"Okay. Uh – I need a quick human minute." She blushed again, and raised herself to a sitting position.

I watched the lovely heat fill her face, wondering why she was blushing. "All right, I'll wait."

"No, that's okay. Go ahead... I'll meet you in the kitchen."

"As you wish." I leaned up to kiss her forehead. "Don't make me wait too long, my love."

She smiled and walked over to the bathroom. I left the room, wondering why she'd sent me away. And then I heard it. Oh. I was truly an idiot.

I rushed down the stairs into the living room. "Esme," I said, "Bella is a little hungry. Is there something we can make for her?"

Esme got up and followed me to the kitchen. "There's some fresh apples and bananas I got just yesterday, and if she'd like, I can make her a sandwich. And soda is in the refrigerator."

"I can do that," I told her with a smile.

She hugged me quickly. "_Edward, I'm so worried. What will we do_?"

"It'll be okay. Perhaps Jasper will be able to contact Peter and Charlotte," I tried to assure her. "By the way, Bella has to study for finals this afternoon, so I am going to take her home after lunch. Can you watch over her? I would like to discuss our strategy with Jasper and Carlisle. It'll be only for a little while."

Esme nodded. "Yes, of course, dear."

I heard Bella's footfalls on the stairs. Esme smiled. "I'm so glad you found her, Edward."

So was I. There weren't words to express how happy Bella made me.

I returned Esme's smile, before she walked out of the kitchen.

Bella appeared around the corner. "Hi," she said, and wrapped her arms around my waist. I kissed her hair.

"Okay," I said. "What would you like to eat? Esme bought fruit, or I can make you a sandwich, or perhaps you'd like both?"

"What kind of sandwich?"

"That is a very good question. Unfortunately, I don't have an answer. Ham and Cheese, perhaps? Or Peanut Butter and Jelly? What tickles your fancy?"

She giggled. "Let's see what's in the fridge. Can you get me a plate, please?"

I searched the cupboards until I found the plates. "Here you are," I handed one to her. Bella had already pulled the bread, and prepackaged ham from the refrigerator. There was also a tub of butter.

I opened the silverware drawer. "Knife?" I said, holding one out to her.

"Yes, thank you." I watched her while she spread the butter on the bread, then covered each slice with a slice of ham. She put the two slices together and cut down the middle.

Interesting. I filed the information away. I'd be able to make one just like that for her next time.

"There's fruit, too. An apple, perhaps, or a banana?" I asked her.

"I think I'll have a banana. And something to drink – a soda." I pulled a Sprite can from the refrigerator, and removed one of the bananas from the bunch. My hands were full, so I put the soda can and the banana on the counter. I hadn't found a tray yet. "Esme, do we have a tray of some kind?"

"There's one in the cabinet next to the stove." I pulled the door open. Ah – there was one. I put it on the counter, and placed Bella's plate on top. Then I added the soda and the banana. All done.

Napkin. "Esme, where are the napkins?"

"Pantry, top shelf."

I dashed into the pantry, and pulled a napkin from the stack, placing it next to the plate. "Ready?" I asked Bella.

"Looks good," she grinned. I carried the tray upstairs, walking after her, trying my damnedest not to look at her derriere which was seductively swaying from side to side in front of my face. I was glad when we reached the top of the stairs.

I put the tray on the low coffee table in my room, and Bella folded herself on the floor in front of it. She crossed her legs and reached for the sandwich. I opened the soda for her. "Thanks," she said.

I felt rather daring, so I scooted up behind her, stretching my legs on either side of her. She leaned back against me. "This is different," she commented. I just smiled, and loosely wrapped my arms around her waist. She finished her sandwich in that position, occasionally drinking from the soda can.

With one hand, ever so gently, I moved her long, silky hair to the side and nuzzled on her neck. She smelled so good, so wonderful. The fire in my throat was smoldering. Bella picked up the banana, and peeled it. I watched it move to her mouth. My juvenile fantasies took off, and my pants became uncomfortably tight.

Time to move. "Uh, I'll be right back," I said. "Just dashing downstairs for a moment." If she wondered at my urgency, or had noticed the bulge pressing into her lower back, she didn't let on.

"Okay," she said. I nearly fled the room. "_Breathe_," I told myself. "_Get a grip, Edward_." I waited a few minutes, willing this latest erection to disappear, until I heard her put the banana peel onto the tray. I knew then it was safe to go back into my room. Would this never end? I consoled myself that at least I seemed under better control.

"Hi," I said. "All done? Would you like anything else?"

"No, thank you. This was enough." It didn't seem like much to me, and I worried that she wasn't eating enough. I told myself that she'd be having dinner with Charlie later.

"All right, then. I think I should take you home now. You still have to study for finals. Esme will be in the woods watching out for you."

"You're not staying?"

"No, but I'll be back before your dinner." She didn't ask me what I was going to do, and I was glad for that. "Ready?"

"Okay." She looked a little sad.

She got up and I pulled her into my arms. "I know," I said, "I don't like being away from you, either."

Bella sighed. "It's okay. I know you have a lot to talk about with your family."

I should have realized she'd know why I wasn't staying. She was much too perceptive sometimes.

"Let's get you home," I said, and led her down the stairs. Bella waved a quick goodbye to my family. I opened the car door for her and made sure she was buckled in.

"_I'll be there soon, Edward_," Esme thought. I heard her get up to change in her room.

The drive to Bella's house was quiet. She leaned her head against my shoulder, and closed her eyes, but didn't say anything.

I walked her to the door, and handed her the backpack. I could already hear Esme in the woods behind the house. "I'll be back soon, my love," I said.

"Hurry back," she whispered and turned her face up to me. I kissed her gently for just a moment.

"I love you, my Bella."

"Me, too," she sighed before she turned and walked inside. I hated leaving her, but there was much to discuss at my house. We needed to lay out our strategy, plan for training and see if Jasper would be able to contact Peter and Charlotte.

I jogged back to the car, and with a last look at her house, drove off.


	12. Preparations

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some, okay - most, (all right - all) of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I live for reviews. Okay, I'm kidding. But really, any and all comments are welcome. VERY welcome!!

This 12th Chapter is called "Preparations". It's based on a small portion of Chapter 14, "Declaration". The Cullens prepare to fight the newborns, planning training and hunting trips. Bella prepares for finals. A lot of this is made-up dialogue and Edward's thoughts, following canon. And though SM never mentioned any of this in her books (YA rating, after all), Edward is still struggling with his long-suppressed seventeen-year-old-human male urges. And boy, does he want it. I will explore this particular theme further in future chapters. No full-blown lemons, though. He and Bella both will remain virginal until their wedding night, as per canon.

**Disclaimer: This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Thank you!

**12. Preparations**

Afternoon.

I didn't stay at my house for long, anxious to return to Bella. Jasper hadn't been able to reach Peter, and was considering contacting Maria, but we had all vetoed that idea. Nobody wanted any of the Southerners in the vicinity. We all remembered only too well the last time Maria had visited – we'd had to move immediately, that same night, and Jasper had asked her politely to keep her distance in the future.

Carlisle was trying to contact a few of his old friends, but hadn't been successful, either. Esme, Emmett and Rosalie had been with us from the time of their transformations, and didn't have anyone to call. Neither did I. During my few years away from Carlisle, I was too occupied with my bloodlust and hunt for predators of the human kind to form any relationships with other immortals. And with our 'vegetarian' lifestyle, we didn't often interact with nomads. Out of the seven of us, only Carlisle and Jasper had formed any friendships outside of our family. With the exception of Tanya's family in Denali - and they had refused to help.

Jasper had laid out a simple training plan for the coming week. He would show us how the newborns could be expected to fight, what we could do to counteract their attacks. We were going to do the first session the night after the graduation. Emmett was naturally looking forward to it. His eyes were wide with excitement, and his face was lit up by a huge grin. Rosalie kept throwing furious glares in his direction, and her constant mental yelling was grating on my nerves.

We'd decided to go to Seattle shortly after graduation. This gave us about a week to prepare what needed to get done.

Jasper also suggested that we make plans to hunt prior to leaving, and then hunt again on the way to Seattle. "Hunt only the big game – the bears, the mountain lions. Don't bother with the herbivores, if you can avoid it. We need to hunt more than usual for now. We should all go this week."

"_Perhaps, in this dire situation, we ought to think about our other option. It would make us stronger_. _I wonder if Carlisle... no, probably not_. _Should I bring it up anyway? Maybe not now_... "

I didn't like the direction his thoughts were going, though I could understand why he thought that way. But I also knew it wasn't an option. First of all, Carlisle would never allow it. We would not change our way of life for this. And secondly, though it certainly tasted much, much better, human blood only increased our strength marginally, not enough to warrant the deviation. There were enough humans dying as it was. We weren't going to add to the carnage.

It was also much more difficult to be around humans if we allowed ourselves to taste their blood even once. I knew that well - my self-control had been severely tested after I had recommitted myself to Carlisle's vision. For four years I'd glutted myself on nothing else, hunting humans of the most deplorable kind, and it had taken me a solid decade before I had my perpetual thirst under sufficient control to be around humans again without arousing suspicion.

Until Bella. Until she walked into the air blowing from the heater vent in the biology lab. When her scent had hit me, it had taken everything I had to stay in my seat. Her silent mind forgotten, her blood had called out to me like the sweetest siren song. God, how I'd wanted her, wanted to say the words that would make her follow me. Take her away and drink from her until there was nothing left in her. But I'd resisted, fought against the bloodthirsty monster. And fell deeply in love with her in the process.

Then Bella had been hurt in the ballet studio. There was blood everywhere, so much that I'd had to hold my breath, because the scent of it had been overwhelming. But I'd found something deep inside me when I'd sucked out the venom from James' bite. The taste of Bella's blood was indescribable - the sweetest ambrosia imaginable was not sufficient to describe how it had felt rushing down my throat. It tasted even better than I'd imagined.

As I was drinking from her, our eyes had locked, delirious with pain on her end, nearly frenzied with bloodlust on mine. Somehow, during those painful moments, my determination to save her, the love I felt for her, had been strong enough to win out over my despicable thirst. I'd stopped. I still didn't quite know how, but I'd stopped. And after Italy... I cringed in pain when I remembered the utter anguish clawing at the hole inside me. Never again would Bella's blood tempt me. Never again. I could live with the constant fire in my throat, but I was incapable of living without her.

And lastly, I could only imagine what Bella would think of us if she saw our eyes change from gold to red. I wouldn't be able to bear the disappointment and accusation that would surely be in her eyes. I was not a murderer - not anymore, and never again. None of us were. I furiously glared at Jasper, and when he picked up on my emotions, he glanced at me. "No! Absolutely not," I hissed forcefully. He shrugged.

"_Come on, Edward, surely you can see that it would be beneficial_. _It's too even a fight - we'll need to be in top form to win. I can't even think about the possibility of losing Alice, it pains me too much. You can understand that - can't you_?"

"No what?" Alice asked, and looked at Jasper. Her eyes were vacant for a second. "Oh. No. Not going to happen. Don't even think about it."

He lowered his head at her instant rejection. "_Yeah, you're right_." He sighed. "_I am weak_. _I am nothing without her_."

Emmett glared at Jasper, then at Alice, then at me, expecting us to explain what had passed amongst us in the silent conversation. He gave up after a moment, throwing up his hands in frustration. "_For crying out loud! What was that? Goddamn it, I hate it when they do that_."

I walked over to Jasper and squeezed his shoulder. "No, you're not weak," I said so quietly only he could hear. "Believe me, I understand where you are coming from, and the thought frightens me, too. But we can't change our way of life for this. It would be far beyond wrong, and you know that."

He nodded. "_Yeah, I know. We'll just have to find another way to turn the tables in our favor_."

"We will," I said with more conviction than I felt. Then I turned back to my family.

"I don't want to deplete our numbers, just in case something or someone happens to show up here. Like Victoria, or another unknown visitor," I returned to Jasper's last statement. "I think it's advisable that we go no more than four at a time. I will wait until you all have gone." I'd just hunted the past weekend, so my thirst was well sated, and I would hunt what I could find on the way to Seattle. It would be enough.

Alice's eyes were unfocused again for a short moment. I saw a flash of Carlisle at the hospital before she spoke. "No, Edward. I agree that we shouldn't all go at the same time, but Esme and Rosalie _have_ to go this week. It's been too long for them. Carlisle has to work this weekend, so I think it's best if Emmett, Jazz and I will stay with Bella, and you can go, Edward," Alice disagreed. "We'll keep her safe, you know that. The three of us can go this weekend." She turned to Rosalie. "Is that all right with you, Rosalie? Emmett?"

Rosalie stopped yelling in her head long enough to nod her consent. "Yes, that's fine. I should go sooner rather than later. It's been nearly two weeks."

Emmett nodded as well. "Yeah, I agree, too."

"I wasn't aware that I had to work this weekend," Carlisle looked at Alice questioningly. "I'm not on the schedule."

"You will be, trust me," she answered lightly. "Dr. Mathers will be out with a stomach flu starting Friday night, and they will call you in instead. You'll be working most of the weekend." I just shook my head. Her uncanny visions were certainly more helpful than annoying sometimes. I returned to our discussion.

"And I don't want to go far, either," I resumed the argument. "We still don't know who was in her room, and I'd rather not leave her for more than a few hours."

"Of course not," Carlisle agreed. "That's not an issue, Edward. We should be able to stay fairly close to the area. And perhaps not go by car. We'd be faster that way, and less restricted."

"All right," I said, conceding graciously. Perhaps it was best this way. "I'll let Bella know our plans. We could leave Thursday after school and be back that night. It's only a half day because of finals."

"Very well, then," Carlisle said. "Jasper, please keep trying to reach Peter and Charlotte. I don't like having to ask them for help, but I can't disagree that the situation warrants it. I am trying to contact some of my friends as well."

"They're hard to reach, as you know, but I'll do what I can."

"Where are we going to do the training, Jasper?" Emmett wanted to know.

"Well, we certainly can't do it around here, so I thought we could go to our baseball field. Alice should be able to tell us the forecast by this weekend. It's far enough out of the way, that even without a thunderstorm, we shouldn't be overheard," Jasper replied. "If you can keep yourself in check," he added with a wink. "

"Very funny," Emmett grumbled. "_I'll show you 'in check', you just wait_."

"Aw, don't be that way, Emmett" Alice said with a grin, having just seen a vision of Emmett jumping at Jasper who had simply sidestepped him. "You know he's speaking the truth." I chuckled. Even Rosalie's lips were twitching momentarily before she resumed her mental assault on my mind.

"_If it weren't for your girlfriend, Edward, we'd have the option of just packing up and leaving. But we're stuck here, aren't we? Because of her. You've put us all in danger again. What if Emmett gets hurt_? _What am I supposed to do then_?"

That did it. I had enough of her selfishness, and she had pushed me too far. Her undeserved accusations had me snarling at her viciously before she could finish. I crouched to launch myself at her and rip her head off once and for all, but Emmett jumped up quickly and stood in front of her. "Get out of the way, Emmett," I hissed through clenched teeth. _"Hell no, man, not until you calm down_."

"What did you say to him, Rose?" He glanced back at her for a split second, but resumed his protective stance. My eyes were shooting fire, I was so furious. "Back down, Edward."

"What did _I_ say to him? I told him what we all _should_ be saying. Whose fault is it that there's a newborn army in Seattle? Whose fault is it that we're all in danger?"

"We don't know that, Rose," he tried to appease her.

Both Alice and Jasper had jumped up and were glaring at Rosalie, too. My snarls were echoing through the house. "_Edward_," Alice called silently. "_Enough - please. Why do you let her get to you_?"

"What else could it be?" Rosalie replied, her voice accusing. "The most likely reason are the Volturi. He brought them down on us with his stupid stunt last spring. And if it weren't for Bella, we could all leave."

"Come on, Rose, you know that's not true."

"That is quite enough, Rosalie," Carlisle's voice was quiet but determined, his face drawn. "We are a family, and we all stand together. And that includes Bella. She's your brother's mate and therefore part of us. We don't know why someone is creating these young ones. We have only speculation to go on, and you are jumping to conclusions for which you have no evidence."

Rosalie looked at Carlisle. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, unhappily, reluctantly. "_I have to get out of here_." "Emmett, come with me, please." She turned on her heels and ran out the front door. Good riddance.

Of course, he followed her. "_I'll do what I can, Edward_." I appreciated that. I had no idea how he dealt with her mood swings and constant surliness, but he had my admiration.

The fury left me when Jasper sent a wave of calm my way. "_Relax. You know she doesn't really mean that. She's worried, like we all are_." I wasn't sure I agreed with his assessment, but I straightened out of my crouch and stopped snarling.

"All right, then, if that is all," Carlisle said, getting up from the couch. "I have to get ready for work, but I'll be back before midnight, most likely." He went upstairs. "_I really hate how strained their relationship is_."

I turned to Alice. "Are you going to cancel the party?"

"Of course not. Why would I?"

"I thought perhaps under the circumstances... " I trailed off when I saw the sudden anger in her thoughts. We were all so tensed with stress, it didn't seem to take much to set us off.

"Are you kidding me?" she cut me off with a glare. "With all the work I've put in already, all the food ordered, and all the invitations out and accepted? I don't think so. Truly, Edward, as a brother, you sometimes are a disappointment." She stuck her tongue out at me and walked over to Jasper who'd gone to sit on the stairs. She sat down in his lap and ran her fingers through his hair. I could tell they were both of a mind, and it was perhaps time for me to leave.

"Well, then," I said to no one in particular, "if no one needs me anymore, I'll be going to Bella's house. I guess I'll see you later."

Emmett and Rosalie were just coming back when I walked out of the house. Rosalie averted her eyes, and for once, her mind was silent, too. Emmett had heard what I'd said and grinned. I decided to ignore his mental comment to 'get some'. I was in no mood for his crude humor.

My turn-of-the-century moral code did not condone such liberties outside of marriage, and Bella's human fragility made the whole thing even more complicated. I'd been concentrating on better self-control, keeping the monster locked up.

But who was I kidding? I had to admit that I wanted to make love to her, wanted it badly, now that the feelings had so unexpectedly burst to the surface. It was constantly on my mind, and the beast inside just wouldn't shut up. I sighed in frustration as I got into the car, and drove over to Bella's house. If only there was a way... but I knew there wasn't. I was much too strong, and I couldn't afford to lose control.

I called Esme's phone before I shut off the car. "Esme, I'm back. Thanks for watching over her."

"You are very welcome, my dear. Will you come home later today?"

"I'm not sure yet. If so – it will likely be for only a few minutes to drop off the Volvo. We discussed everything else while you were here. I'm sure Jasper or Alice will fill you in when you get home."

"Of course, Edward. Bye for now." Esme disconnected, and as I got out of the car, I could hear her flying through the woods.

I could already hear Bella's heartbeat. She seemed to be in the kitchen, cooking dinner, if the clanging sound of a spoon against a pot was any indication. Charlie wasn't home yet, but his usual arrival time was imminent, so I quickly walked up to the front door and knocked three times.

I heard the spoon drop, and listened to Bella's steps as she rushed to the door. The anticipation of seeing her beautiful face made my stomach curl in delight. And then, there she was, wrenching the door out of the way. I was inside in a split-second and wrapped her in my arms, shutting the door with my foot. With a deep breath, I let her scent swirl at the back of my throat, as it burst into flames. The ease of ignoring it was elating.

I kissed her deeply, for a long moment, as her arms wound around my neck. Her heart was beating faster. I listened to the symphony of the sound. "Hmm, Bella," I murmured against her mouth. "I missed you."

"I know. I feel the same way," she whispered, her lovely blush staining her cheeks. I pulled my head back a few inches to gaze into her eyes, and was soon lost in the deep brown seas – so deep, it felt I could see all the way to her soul. They were shining at me with love, and the joy of truly knowing that she loved me was nearly overwhelming. My smile was exuberant.

Her heart was flying. The blush deepened, and she averted her eyes. "Edward, you're doing it again," she mumbled.

"Doing what?" I teased shamelessly, because I knew exactly what she meant. And she knew that I knew. I was dazzling her. As she was dazzling me. Bella's hands wound into my hair at the nape of my neck.

"You know what," she replied accusingly, as she tried to pull my head back to her face. I gave in, and kissed her again. Outside, Charlie was about to pull up in his cruiser, his thoughts focused on dinner. Damn.

I broke off the kiss. "Your father will walk through this door in a few minutes," I explained, smiling when she pouted at me. "So, unless you want him to catch us kissing in the hallway, I think we should go into the kitchen now. He's hungry."

"Oops," she grinned. She grabbed my hand, and I let her pull me into the kitchen, where she proceeded to finish cooking. I leaned against the counter and watched her face. Long tendrils of her silken hair had escaped the low ponytail, and I gently tucked them behind her ear. "You are so beautiful, my love," I whispered.

"Be serious, Edward," she admonished me.

"But I _am_ serious, Bella," I replied promptly, "will you never see yourself clearly? Shall I tell you all the ways you are beautiful to me, inside and out?" Not that it would do much good, I could see that on her face.

She blushed deeply. "Maybe later. After dinner."

"Very well." I would jump at the chance. "Will you listen this time? Truly listen? And believe me?"

"Probably not." I sighed and frowned. "Okay," she amended when she saw my expression. "Maybe I'll listen."

"Ah – Bella," I said, shaking my head. "Your beauty is unsurpassed and insurpassable in my eyes. Would I lie to you?" I blurted out the last few words without thinking. Her face fell instantly, and I realized my terrible mistake. I _had_ lied to her. Lied to her again and again. Lied to her so convincingly that she had believed me. Believed that I didn't want her anymore. I truly _was_ a monster of the most repugnant kind.

How could I have said that? How could I have reminded her of that barren time in our lives neither one of us wanted to remember? Immediately, overwhelming guilt was burning me on the inside, utter shame was clawing viciously at my frozen heart. I was beside her in the next second, and wrapped her tightly in my arms.

"I am so sorry," I whispered, my face contorted in shame at having hurt her. "So very, very sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't thinking though that is no excuse. Please forgive me if you can. I _have_ lied to you in the past, but please, _please_ believe me, when I promise you that I will never lie to you again. Please, Bella?"

She leaned into my embrace and wrapped her arms around my waist. "I know," she murmured. "I know you won't." I breathed a sigh of relief. While I surely didn't deserve it, she had yet again forgiven me.

"I love you so very much," I whispered into her ear. "So much." There weren't enough words to fully express how I felt about her.

"I love you, too," she sighed against my chest. Then she looked at me and smiled. "You are forgiven."

I kissed her forehead and tucked her head under my chin. "Thank you," I said fervently, keeping my voice low, because I could hear Charlie walking up to the door. I'd been saved again by her love and forgiveness - not a moment too soon.

"Your father is here."

Bella twisted out of my arms, and returned to the pots on the stove. I leaned back against the counter, listening to Charlie opening the door and stepping into the hallway. "_Of course, he is here again. Ugh. I should be used to it by now_."

"Hey, Bells, I'm home," he called out, as he hung up his jacket and gun belt. A few seconds later, he walked into the kitchen. "Hi, honey. Hmm, smells good. How long before dinner?"

"Just a few more minutes, Dad. Go ahead, and sit down, while I finish up." He nodded at me as he ambled over to his chair. "Edward."

"Good evening, Charlie," I politely returned his reluctant greeting, and then I couldn't help myself. There were times when his attitude was just a little tiresome. It didn't happen often, because I knew I deserved his distrust and anger, but sometimes, my resentment of his support towards the mutt made me want to lash out at him in very childish ways. "I trust you had a pleasant day?"

Instant amusement. As expected, Charlie's thoughts became scrambled as he searched for an appropriate answer, uncomfortable and stunned by my question. "Uh, yeah, thanks." I stifled a laugh. Bella's eyes flashed to my face and I could see her lips twitching, suppressing a giggle.

Charlie sat down heavily into the chair, watching us suspiciously. Bella ladled mashed potatoes and a mix of vegetables onto two plates, and added what looked like a bunless hamburger on each. Gross. Not only did it look disgusting, the smell was nauseating. This was my cue to leave the room. "If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the living room. Would it be all right, if I turned on the TV, Charlie?"

"Go ahead," he muttered, his thoughts focused on the food. I winked at Bella and left the kitchen. I clicked on the antiquated television, and flipped through the channels, settling on CNN. At least Charlie had cable. The news out of Seattle weren't getting any better. The news anchor was going through the time line, outlining the escalation of the violence over the last few weeks, and showing pictures of the various crime scenes, where the bodies had been found. The anchor's face turned grave, when he warned people not to go out after nightfall, especially not alone, and avoid any dark, unlit areas of town.

I grimaced. These precautions might protect them from predators of the human kind, but not from a newborn vampire. According to the last report I'd read, people had vanished from inside movie theaters, from high rise apartment buildings, from restaurants. They'd been ripped out of cars, disappeared from grocery stores, from their bedrooms. No one had noticed their disappearances until after they were already gone. And I knew why. Not only did the neophytes have immense strength, but the extra blood in their bodies also made them faster. They would move with speeds invisible to human eyes. Not that they cared if anyone saw them. Inconspicuousness was not important to them. They didn't know any better; led only by their instincts.

After that grim review, the anchor introduced a montage of pictures of the victims. Their ages ranged from mid-teens to mid-sixties. I felt sick at the images of all those innocent people, and thought of their grieving families. I knew only too well what it had felt like to think I'd lost Bella, never mind truly losing someone I loved. I could imagine the pain and anguish they must be experiencing, and it hardened my resolve to do whatever we could to stop this nightmare from continuing.

From inside the kitchen, I heard Charlie ask Bella about her day. He was done eating, and she was moving the dishes to the sink. The water started running.

"It was fine," she said. "They didn't give us anything new in class, with finals so close. No homework, either." I was glad she had her back to her father. Lying was not a forte with Bella.

"Excited about graduating, Bella?"

"I guess. A little nervous, too, I think."

"It's a big step. After the summer, you'll be off to college." He sighed when he thought about that. "_I just got her back, and now she'll be leaving again_... "

"Yeah, I know." She fell silent. I wondered if she was thinking about the deal she had made with Carlisle, and how she wouldn't be able to go to college, at least not right away. If she went through with her choice, she wouldn't be able to be around people until she had her thirst under control. After the crazed newborn period.

Perhaps she was thinking about my proposal to change her myself as long as she married me first. I thought of the ring in my nightstand drawer. My mother's engagement ring. I hoped it would fit her delicate finger. I hoped she would like it. It wasn't very modern, the setting reflective of the times in which it was created. But it would mean so much to me if she were to accept my mother's ring as a token of my love for her.

I grinned. Just as old-fashioned as I was, I supposed. Well, if she didn't like it, I could always get her a more modern version. Tiffany's, perhaps. I closed my eyes for a moment, imagining how my mother's ring would look on the fourth finger of Bella's left hand, announcing to all who could see that she was my bride. My future wife. Mine. Forever.

And then there was the diamond heart pendant my mother had worn on a gold chain around her neck. It was roughly five carats, and I dimly remembered being fascinated as a child with how it sparkled in the sunlight. Perhaps, it could be my wedding gift to Bella. If she would only accept my proposal. I sighed. Perhaps, if I did it again? The proper way, this time? On bended knee, asking for her hand? Would she agree? Based on her initial reaction, that possibility seemed rather unlikely.

I heard the water sloshing in the sink, and the clamor of dishes being added to the water. I was watching her through Charlie's eyes, but she still had her back to him, so I couldn't see her face. He'd run out of things to say, as was typical. Charlie was not a verbose man. Not even in his thoughts. At least, with familiarity, they were no longer as muffled as they had been when I first met him. My first impression of him had been very wrong.

"All right, then. Thanks for dinner, kid. 'Twas great."

"Sure."

Charlie got out of his chair, his mind on the TV. I quickly changed the channel to ESPN and got up from the couch. As usual, we passed each other in the hallway. He didn't look at me. He never did. The volume increased as soon as he sat down, settling into the couch for the evening.

I helped Bella with the dishes. "Are you almost done studying then?" I asked her.

She grimaced. "No – I was going to study this afternoon, but I just couldn't focus. I gave up and ended up reading."

"Would you like to study tonight?" I suggested.

"No, that's okay. I think it got most of it covered. We could do a cram session tomorrow night, if you don't mind helping."

"Nothing would please me more," I replied theatrically. Bella rolled her eyes at my hyperbole. I grinned. "Of course, I'll help you, silly girl."

We ended up in the living room, watching TV with Charlie, who, for some reason that wasn't clear to me, chose to ignore the fact that Bella sat on the floor between my legs, while I played with her hair.

Every so often, I would run my finger along her hairline, and she'd press her back further into the chair. At some point, I gently massaged her shoulders, and she moaned quietly. I glanced at Charlie, but he hadn't heard. I stifled a grin. Good.

I continued to carefully relax the knots in her muscles, and every once in a while, I'd quickly lean down to whisper "I love you" in her ear. Bella's hand moved to my leg, the one Charlie couldn't see, and she began stroking my calf.

The heat from her hand tingled even through the khakis I was wearing, and then quickly intensified, when she slipped her hand underneath them. I nearly jumped when I felt her small hot hand against my bare skin. I closed my eyes for a moment, and nearly let myself imagine what her hand would feel like on my bare chest, before I stopped the images that were suddenly flooding my mind. My leg twitched under her soft touch.

Bella leaned her head against my knee. I moved my hand to her neck and trailed my fingertips across the soft, nearly translucent skin there, and traced around her ear, careful not to chill her with my cold skin. I could clearly see her jugular vein pulsing underneath the luminescent skin. The fire burned in my throat without me consciously noticing. We spent the evening in peaceful closeness, and I allowed myself to just enjoy the quiet time with her. Unfortunately, we were under her father's supervision, but that couldn't be helped, and it was, perhaps, a blessing in disguise.

When the time came to officially leave for the night, I leaned down to let her know, right at nine-thirty. "Bella, my love, I'm going to drop off the car in a few minutes, but you won't be alone," I whispered in her ear, so low that Charlie didn't have a chance of hearing. "I'll be back very soon."

Then I cleared my throat and sat up in the chair. "Bella, I think it's time I went home," I said for Charlie's benefit. She scrambled off the floor while I stood up. "Good night, Charlie," I turned to him.

"Night," he grunted, unwilling to tear his eyes off the TV.

Bella walked me to the door. "Good night, Bella," I said, again keeping up the charade for her father. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay," she replied, winking at me. "See you tomorrow." I leaned down to kiss her quickly, before I opened the door and stepped out.

"I'll be waiting upstairs," she breathed. "Hurry back."

I smiled, kissed her again and turned towards my car. She closed the door, and I heard her tell Charlie good night, before her footfalls echoed in the stair case.

I quickly got into my car, and pulled out my cell phone to call Emmett. "Hey, Edward," he answered on the first ring. "Is it time?"

"Yes, if you don't mind picking up the car around the corner from her house?"

"No problem, my brother. Give me a few minutes." I heard him tell Rose he'd be back soon.

"Certainly. See you soon." I could already hear the wind whooshing in the phone, as he was running through the forest. I turned over the engine and slowly drove to the corner of Bella's street. Emmett was already there.

"Perfect timing. Thanks," I said when I got out of the car, leaving the engine running. "I owe you."

"Yeah, you do," he said with a chuckle, "but who's keeping track?" before driving off. The tires squealed. I made a mental note to check the tread tomorrow morning to see if it was time for a tire change. Two seconds later, I was climbing through Bella's open window.

She was lying in bed, with the small lamp on her nightstand illuminating the room. "Hi," she smiled when she saw me. "That was fast." Her eyes flickered to my clothes. "You didn't go home?"

"No, I asked Emmett to just pick up the car. It's faster this way."

"Oh." She smiled again. "Lie down with me?"

I laughed quietly, and complied quickly. "As you wish."

"Will you kiss me again?" she asked shyly, blushing.

"Greedy, aren't you?" I grinned. She grinned right back. "I guess so."

"Well," I looked at her beautiful face, "since you don't ask for much else," my tone was teasing, "I suppose I can accommodate your request." I leaned down, pulled her close to me and pressed my lips to hers. Her arm wriggled out of the quilt and she placed her hand on my chest. Her fingertips started stroking my pectoral muscles, and I silently laughed at her deft maneuver before placing my hand on top of hers.

"Now," I said with a smile, breaking off the kiss, "would you like to me tell you all the ways you are beautiful to me?"

Bella pursed her lips. "No, I'd rather you kiss me again."

I chuckled. "There you go again," I said, "always inviting danger." She scowled at me. I gazed deeply into her eyes and smiled as I spoke.

I carefully ran my fingers through the long strands of her hair that spread out over her pillow. My voice vibrated with the emotions coursing through me. "Your hair is shiny and silky, and I love the way it feels around my fingers when I bury my hands in the soft curls. It is beautiful."

I moved my hand to her cheek and lightly traced my fingers across her high cheekbone. She blushed obligingly, heating my stony hand from the outside. "Your cheeks are the color of peaches and cream. The skin there is soft as a feather, like a rose petal. They are beautiful." I lightly pressed my lips to one of them, letting a small amount of my breath whisper over her cheek before pulling back and recapturing her eyes.

I trailed a fingertip across her brow. "Your eyes are the color of melted chocolate. They are so deep, I swear I can see all the way to your soul. They shine with love for me, and that makes me feel like the luckiest man in this world. They are beautiful." Bella was staring at me with widened, unblinking eyes.

I brushed my thumb across her lips. "Your lips are full and soft. They feel and taste so wonderful when they press against mine. They warm me up from the inside out. They are beautiful." To underscore my point, I kissed those warm soft lips for just a moment.

Bella's eyes closed and her breathing sped up. "Shall I go on?" I whispered against her mouth. Why had she closed her eyes? Was that good or bad? Were my words having the desired effect? Did she believe me? Would she ever believe me?

"Mmm," she mumbled softly. Oh. Continue, then.

I trailed a finger from her chin down her throat. "The skin on your throat is enticing in its softness." Her head fell back, exposing her jugular. I lightly laid a finger on top, feeling her blood pulse rapidly underneath my touch. My thirst didn't even register. "I can feel your heartbeat right here," I crooned. "It, too, is beautiful – the most beautiful sound in the world." I pressed my lips to her throat and laid a trail of kisses to her chin.

I let my flat hand move down the quilt until it came to lay directly on top of her heart, where I applied a minuscule amount of pressure. The thumping became uneven, pounding against my hand. Bella gasped. "This heart beats for you and me," I whispered fervently, nearly overcome with the emotions swelling inside my frozen heart, "it beats solidly, loyally and full of love. It is beautiful." And if it were up to me, it would go on beating for years to come.

Bella's breathing hitched. A single tear overspilled slowly from under one of her lavender eyelids, trailing down her cheek. I kissed it away. "There's no reason to cry," I cooed softly, "for I speak the truth. You, my sweet Bella – you _are_ beautiful, and I love you more with every new day."

Her cheeks were flaming now. She whimpered and buried her head in the crook of my arm, and the heat of her skin burned with fiery electricity into my own. It felt so amazing against my cold skin, I forgot to breathe for a second. How I loved this fragile woman in my arms. She was every dream come true. My personal miracle. She had saved me so completely.

Inhaling deeply, I tightened my embrace and pulled her closer to me. "Sleep, my love," I whispered. "Sleep, and I'll be watching over you." I buried my nose in her silken hair, and exalted in her powerful scent. The fire burned dully away. I began humming the lullaby she had inspired, and Bella quickly succumbed to sleep.

The rest of the night passed peacefully, the carnal beast in my head restrained for now by my deep and undying love for the sleeping girl – the only girl I would ever want and need – in my arms. My mate.

Around four in the morning, I called Emmett and asked him if he'd come over to watch Bella when I had to leave to get the Volvo. He agreed to meet me in the woods behind her house at seven.

When the new day dawned, and I heard Charlie get up for work, I gently kissed Bella's forehead to wake her. "Bella, Sweetheart," I whispered in her ear. "Time to rise and shine, my love."

Her eyes slowly opened, searching in the direction of my voice, until they found mine. I smiled at her. "Hi," she whispered and returned the smile. She stretched her limbs and yawned hugely. I chuckled.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked her solicitously.

"Hmm," she nodded, "how could I not, with you holding me?"

I sighed, thinking of the monster in my head, but kept the smile on my face. She gave me too much credit, as usual. If the beast had its way, she wouldn't be sleeping much at all. "That's a very good thing, then," I whispered. "I'm going to run home and change. Charlie's downstairs, but he's leaving soon. I'll be back to pick you up for school."

"Okay," she said. "But before you go, I'd like you to kiss me." Surprised at her unusual directness, I nonetheless gladly complied with her request, pressing my lips gently to hers, kissing her as passionately as I dared, long enough to get her heart racing and my manhood twitching, before getting up from her bed with a chuckle when she pouted, yet again.

"I love you, Bella," I said, as I quickly moved to the open window, trying to hide the bulge in my pants. It was already past seven and Emmett would be waiting. And he would most likely see exactly what was going on. I suppressed a sigh.

"Me, too," she replied, sighing. "Hurry back."

With one last look at her beautiful face, I leaped out the window and hit the ground running. I found Emmett waiting in the trees just up the path by the side of her house.

"Hey, Edward," he said with a suggestive grin, "running a little late, are you? I wouldn't have minded if you'd wanted to stay a little longer up there... " His voice trailed of when he registered the sudden fury on my face. His insinuation was so in line with what I wanted but couldn't yet have, that I couldn't suppress the vicious snarl ripping from my throat. "Never mind. Sorry I said anything. Jeez, Edward, get a freaking grip, will ya?"

The anger slowly left me as I came back to my senses. "I'm sorry, Emmett – it's just... " I broke off, unsure what to say. He checked my face, and understanding washed over him.

"Oh," he said. "_But how could he possibly... he'd kill her. Not even he has that much control_." Right. Exactly.

"I'm sorry, man," he said, chagrined. "I had no idea it was that bad. It's just that you've never... " He trailed off again. "

"Yes," I said in a strained voice, with barely a handle on all the sexual frustration I was feeling, "I know."

"_And you want to_," he thought, his eyes flickering to my groin for a split second.

I just nodded, feeling utterly embarrassed to be so exposed.

"_And you can't because you would hurt her_," he added, unnecessarily. I nodded again.

"That's quite a dilemma," he said cautiously, worried he might set me off again. "_That really sucks, man_."

I sighed. "Yes," I agreed, "quite."

He was silent. "_You wanna talk about it_?"

"Perhaps now is not the time, Emmett," I said, my voice still strained, "but maybe we'll continue this conversation... uh... some time later."

"Any time, my brother," he grinned, happy again. "I got loads of experience." I grimaced, and shook my head to clear the sudden images in my mind.

"I have to go get ready for class," I said. "I'll be back soon." I turned without waiting for his answer and sprinted through the trees at top speed. I didn't slow down at the open front door, nor on the stairs. I didn't stop running until I reached my room and slammed the door shut behind me.

I was so frustrated with my unsatisfied urges at this point, that I didn't stop to think until I had ripped my clothes off and was standing naked in the middle of my room, staring at the pieces of fabric strewn around me, my throbbing member jutting out from my groin. My hand twitched towards it before I consciously realized the movement, and when I did, I snatched it behind my back in panic. Holy hell! This was torture. This was getting entirely ridiculous.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, while I paced my room, trying to calm myself. It took a hundred and twenty-four deep breaths, and numerous versions of horrifying images of Bella broken beneath me, but eventually my erection softened and faded away. I sighed in relief.

I cleaned up the bits and pieces of my clothes, quickly dressed and picked up my backpack, before running to the car. It was later than usual, and I peeled out of the garage. I slammed hard on the brakes as soon as I left the garage. Alice! I'd forgotten Alice.

"What are you doing, Edward?" her voice came from the backseat. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw Alice staring at me in concern.

"How did you... what... how... " I sputtered, when I realized I'd been too frazzled to see that she was already in the car when I had gotten in.

Alice laughed. "My, my, you must be really out of it. Get going, we'll be late." I hit the gas and the tires squealed. Alice laughed again.

"You know, Edward, you will have to do something about this eventually," she said, suddenly serious.

"About what?" I said, glancing at her in the mirror.

"Your suppressed desires, for lack of a better word," she replied matter-of-factly. My face froze.

"_What_?" I said, incredulous. My head whipped around to face her, and a small part of my mind went into autopilot, steering the car.

"Oh, come on, Edward, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You can't keep this up. You're going to have to do something. As long as you're not killing her – now that I wouldn't appreciate at all. But... "

I cut her off. "Alice," I spit through gritted teeth. "This is truly not a conversation I wish to have with you."

"Okay," she said lightly. "Maybe not now. But you will." Damn her. She'd started translating War and Peace into Korean, successfully preventing me from seeing anything else. I tuned her out, disgusted with her and myself. Mostly myself. Damn it.

Returning my focus to the road, I clenched and unclenched my teeth, until we arrived at Bella's house. The cruiser was still parked in the driveway. Ugh. I had really hoped he'd be gone by now. With a deep breath, I got out of the car and walked up to the house. Before I could knock, Bella opened the door.

"Bye, Dad," she called over her shoulder as she stepped out of the house.

"Later, kid," he said, bending over his newspaper. I held the car door open for her, and waited for her to climb in, before closing it.

"_I heard you arrive, Edward. I'm heading home as soon as Charlie leaves_." Emmett. I said a silent thanks that I knew he couldn't hear. I'd thank him in person later today.

It was daylight, so I had to use human speed to walk around the car to get in. I glanced at Bella to make sure she was buckled in and drove us to school.

The first four classes passed slowly, and we were sitting in the cafeteria at our usual table when Bella asked Alice about the graduation party. I closed my mind to the asinine chatter of the student body and listened intently to my love and my sister. Groaning silently when it started, I had the good sense to stay out of it, knowing that Bella wasn't going to like Alice's attitude about the party.

"So, with all this stuff going on, I'm assuming you're canceling the party," Bella addressed Alice, with a hopeful undertone in her voice.

"Of course not," Alice replied, raising an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"

"_What_?" Bella almost shrieked "You can't be serious. You've completely lost your mind."

"Say what you will about me," Alice replied, unconcerned by Bella's tiger-kitten outrage. "The party is still on."

Bella stared at her in disbelief, her eyes wider than I'd ever seen. An angry heat flushed her face. I nearly said something then, but Alice beat me to the punch.

"Oh, calm down, Bella! There's no reason not to go through with it. Besides, the invitations are already sent." I could certainly think of a few reasons that were likely in tune with Bella's silent thoughts, but I had learned long ago that Alice was a force of nature, and what Alice wanted – Alice got. Most of the time.

In her fury, Bella had seemingly lost all coherency. "But... the... you... I... insane!" she spluttered, unable to form a sentence.

"You've already bought my present," Alice said, stifling a laugh, utterly amused. I had some trouble keeping the humor out of my eyes as well. "You don't have to do anything but show up."

Bella took a few deep breaths; I assumed this was an effort to calm herself. That trick had, to an extent, worked for me that morning. "With everything that is going on right now," she finally said, straining to keep her voice even, "a party is hardly appropriate." I could see some strong emotions burning in her eyes.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Graduation is what's going on right now, and a party is so appropriate it's almost passé."

"_Edward, some help here, please_?" I shook my head imperceptibly. Oh no – this one was going to be all hers.

"Alice!" Bella's small hands clenced into fists.

My sister sighed, and her face turned serious. "There are a few things we need to get in order now, and that's going to take a little time. As long as we're sitting here waiting, we might as well commemorate the good stuff. You're only going to graduate from high school – for the first time – once. You don't get to be human again, Bella. This is a once-in-a-lifetime shot."

I kicked her under the table and warned her with my eyes. "Do you mind? There are eavesdroppers... " I said under my breath, so only Alice could hear.

"_Oh, give it a rest, Edward. You are, as always, overreacting_." And then she stuck her tongue out at me. She was obviously in need of some new gestures. Then again – perhaps not. This one was annoying enough. Damn little pixie.

"What few things do we need to get in order?" Bella was quick to ask.

I leaned towards her ear and kept my voice low. "Jasper thinks we could use some help. Tanya's family isn't the only choice we have. Carlisle's trying to track down a few old friends, and Jasper is looking up Peter and Charlotte. He's considering talking to Maria... but no one really wants to involve the southerners."

Alice shuddered when I mentioned the name of Jasper's creator. "It shouldn't be too hard to convince them to help. Nobody wants a visit from Italy." I said that with more confidence than I felt.

"But these friends – they're not going to be... _vegetarians_, right?" It continued to amaze me how astutely Bella picked up on the one part I didn't want to discuss. I smoothed my face.

"No," I simply said, hoping she'd leave it at that.

No such luck. "Here? In Forks?" she asked, her heartbeat accelerating. I nearly answered her. It wouldn't be the first time. Peter and Charlotte had been here after I had met Bella, after I'd already fallen for her, and their visit had made me very anxious, indeed. The sun had been shining, preventing me from attending school, so I'd ghosted around Bella for the entire time they'd been here, watching over her, making sure that no one harmed her – not that she knew that.

Alice chimed in, knowing my reason for being evasive. "They're friends," she reassured Bella. "Everything's going to be fine. Don't worry. And then, Jasper has to teach us a few courses on newborn elimination..."

My mood increased dramatically at the prospect of ripping into a few newborns myself. And possibly their creator, whoever it was. A smile flashed across my face, and my eyes glinted in anticipation. I wasn't sure if Bella noticed or not, and I controlled my expression as soon as I could.

"When are you going?" Bella asked in a flat voice. I could guess at what she was thinking – it was clear as day on her face, worry creasing her forehead. Fear. Fear for us. Fear that some of us would get hurt. I started rubbing my hand gently up and down her back to relax her. We'd be fine. I hoped.

"A week," I said in a casual tone, trying to alleviate her worries. "That ought to give us enough time."

Bella's face twisted as if she were in pain, and her usually rosy skin had turned to an unhealthy looking pallor. "You look kinda green, Bella," Alice stated the obvious. Not helpful. I glared at my favorite sister.

I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulder and pulled her tightly against me. "It's going to be fine, Bella. Trust me."

She was silent for a moment. Then I saw her eyes flash, and I knew she'd just thought of something else. "You're looking for help," she said slowly as if she was formulating a plan in her mind.

"Yes," Alice answered just as slowly, tilting her head to the side. "_What's she cooking up now_?"

"_I_ could help."

Oh _hell _no! My whole body froze when her words reached my ears and I realized what she was suggesting. My muscles went into lockdown. Teeth snapping shut, my breath escaped in a loud hiss.

"_I got this, Edward_, _don't worry,_" Alice thought. "_She's clearly lost her mind. Allow me_." I inclined my head imperceptibly. Fair enough. Alice could disabuse Bella of that notion just as well as I could.

"That really wouldn't be _helpful_," Alice said calmly.

"Why not?" Bella argued hotly. "Eight is better than seven. There's more than enough time."

"_Is she serious? Has she completely forgotten the minor technicality of the newborn year_?" Alice was getting angry, and her voice was icy as she replied. "There's not enough time to make you helpful. Bella. Do you remember how Jasper described the young ones? You'd be no good in a fight. You wouldn't be able to control you instincts, and that would make you an easy target. And then Edward would get hurt trying to protect you."

Having delivered an unassailable argument, Alice folded her arms across her chest. "_Argue with that_," she thought. "_I dare you_."

Bella slumped in her chair, her face showing her defeat. I suppressed a sigh of relief, and relaxed my rigid posture. Leaning down, I whispered in her ear. "Not because you're afraid."

"Oh," Alice said, and her eyes glazed over for a short moment. "_Crap_," she thought. The picture in her head was gone before I could get a clear read. Someone was not coming to the party, but I couldn't see who it had been.

Alice pouted. "I hate last-minute cancellations. So that puts the party attendance list down to sixty-five..."

"_Sixty-five_?" Bella gasped. I ignored that due to my flaming curiosity and looked at Alice. "Who canceled?"

"Renée."

"What?" Bella gasped again.

"She was going to surprise you for your graduation, but something went wrong. You'll have a message when you get home." Alice was unperturbed by the disbelief that was evident in Bella's face.

I looked at the untouched tray of food in front of Bella. "Love, you need to eat. It's almost time for class again."

She frowned at the food in front of her. "I'm not hungry."

I made my voice as persuasive as possible as I whispered in her ear. "Please, Bella? For me?"

"No," she almost growled.

I tried again. "Please, my love," I murmured and let my cool breath fan across the side of her face. It didn't have the desired effect.

Bella snapped. "Edward – I'm not hungry," she hissed, sharper than I thought she would. Where had that come from? Her unexpected reaction made me feel a little guilty for trying to manipulate her so unfairly, and, shamed into submission, I gave up. I had to remind myself that Bella was certainly capable of knowing if she needed to eat or not.

"Sorry," I said quickly. She didn't answer.

The children at our table were starting to get up. Angela Weber and Ben Cheney were walking hand in hand to the trash bins, each carrying a tray precariously perched on one hand. I watched them, remembering how Ben had let a six inch height difference confound him in pursuing the girl he wanted. Emmett and I'd had fun putting him on the right track.

I got up and took Bella's hand in mine. "Come on, then," I said. "Let's get to class." She looked up at me, and I was lost instantly in the depth of the chocolate lakes, staring at her, not believing my luck to have found her. Bella's heart thumped out of rhythm and she blushed; the rosy heat on her cheeks was so lovely.

She averted her eyes, and got out of her chair. I threw her backpack over my shoulder, and grabbed her tray. I dumped the food and walked with her to our next class.

The remaining two hours dragged by just as slowly, but eventually the final bell rang. "I'll drop off Alice at the driveway, and then we can go to your house and study, if you like. I promised I'd help you."

"Sure," Bella said. "I really have got to study. Finals are tomorrow, and I feel so unprepared."

"You'll be fine," I said with conviction, as I opened her door for her. Alice flitted out of the school and got into the back seat. I started the car and drove off.

When we arrived at Bella's house, she went straight into the kitchen to listen to the answering machine. Renée described Phil's accident on the ball field; he had a broken femur, and was in a full leg cast. She was very sorry that she wouldn't be able to be here for graduation, and continued to ramble until the tape ran out and cut her off.

Bella sighed. "Well, that's one."

"One what?" I asked immediately.

"One person I don't have to worry about getting killed this week."

I rolled my eyes. She was instantly upset. "Why won't you and Alice take this seriously?" she demanded hotly. "This is _serious_."

I smiled. "Confidence."

"Wonderful," Bella grumbled and I suppressed a snicker. She picked up the phone and dialed a long distance number. Ah – the area code indicated it was her mother's in Jacksonville.

I didn't listen to the conversation. I knew from experience that Renée would do most of the talking so I played with Bella's hair, running my fingers through the silken strands, wrapping it around my fingers, reveling in the scent that blew into my face every time her hair moved. The flames erupted in my throat, but the pain was negligible.

I waited patiently for the end of the phone call, smiling whenever Bella looked at me. Which was often. Occasionally she'd roll her eyes at something her mother was saying. My smile grew wider in those moments, and whenever Bella caught one of those smiles, her breathing hitched.

As soon as she hung up the phone, she stretched up and pressed her lips to mine. In order to overcome our height difference, I put my hands around her tiny waist and easily lifted her onto the kitchen counter. Big mistake.

Her arms wound around my neck, her hands curled into my hair, and our kiss deepened. My eyes closed as I leaned into her. I felt her legs wrapped around my thighs and she was trying to pull me closer. I let her. The monster cheered. I could feel the heat from her center against my stomach, and desire suddenly ruled supreme. I quickly swallowed whatever minute amount of venom had gathered in my mouth.

My tongue flickered against her mouth, demanding entrance. She complied, and opened her lips. Our tongues met for the second time, and my urgent need for her boiled through my frozen core. The taste was unbelievable, and indescribable. I had no words to adequately express the feelings that coursed through me. I carefully explored her mouth with my sensitive tongue, every line, every ridge, tasting her, but preventing her from entering my own mouth. Her tongue against my razor-sharp teeth was not a good idea.

She pressed her upper body against my chest, and the warmth of her breasts was electrifying. Her nipples hardened in response to my cold skin, and my fingers twitched to touch them. The heat against my stomach grew hotter. And I could feel a hint of moisture. The scent of her arousal floated up to my nose. The clear evidence of Bella's desire pushed me forward, and control started to slip away.

"_Holy shit_," the thought flew through my mind. I wanted her so badly. I moved further inbetween her legs. My hands flexed on her waist, and I willed them to stay put. They didn't listen and instead started roaming freely up and down her back, one tangling into fistfuls of her long hair, the other further pressing her against me.

A flash fire ran down my spine when she scraped her nails against my neck. She'd never done that before.

_Oh, please do that again_. The touch was feather light, but shot waves of electricity straight to my groin. My manhood twitched in response.

Want. Need. _Now_. The beast awoke fully and charged out of the gates at top speed. "_To hell with the discipline_. _Take her, take her_. _Give it to her_."

"_Pull back, pull back_," my mind screamed. The raging internal conflict nearly drove me out of my mind. So, with the last few shreds of control, I did the only sensible thing – I broke off the kiss. Breathing harder than usual, I leaned back. The beast shrieked in fury. "_Go back, don't stop, go back_."

Bella gasped. Her eyes opened and her face slipped into pout. I laughed quietly at the disappointment so very evident in her expression, as I untangled myself from her arms and legs. Swallowing my frustration, I leaned against the counter next to her, and lightly put my arm around her shoulder. "I know you think that I have some kind of perfect, unyielding self-control, but that 's not actually the case." Did she have any idea how close I'd come to hurting her?

"I wish," she muttered and sighed. As did I. If I had that kind of self-control, perhaps I could give her more of what she seemed to want without hurting her. Alas, as it was, I could not. I sighed, too.

I desperately needed a subject change. "After school tomorrow, I'm going hunting with Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie. Just for a few hours – we'll stay close. Alice, Jasper and Emmett should be able to keep you safe."

"Ugh," she grumbled in response. "I hate being babysat." I knew that, but what else was I supposed to do? Leave her to her own devices? The risk of that was unacceptable. There were too many dangers out there – Victoria, the unknown vampire who'd been in her room. I tried to emphasize the short duration of our separation.

"It's temporary," I promised.

"Jasper will be bored, and Emmett will make fun of me." She was right on both counts, and I would need to have a serious conversation with my brothers to make sure that none of her predictions happened.

"They'll be on their best behavior." Or there would be hell to pay.

"Right," she said surly, clearly not believing me. I was about to contradict her when I saw a new look in her eyes.

"You know.... ," she said slowly, "I haven't been to La Push since the bonfire."

Instant jealousy. Damn that stupid mutt. Damn myself for leaving her in the first place. I tried to smooth my face, though I couldn't prevent my eyes from tightening, hoping she wouldn't see. No such luck.

"I'd be safe enough there," she reminded me, searching my face. Still masking my feelings in a smooth mask, I thought about her suggestion. Safe she would be, this was true. However, would I be able to handle the knowledge that she was with him? Concentrate on the hunt, sinking my teeth into whatever prey I could find, when I wanted to simply sink my teeth into him and tear out his throat? Hmm. Perhaps that was the answer. Perhaps I could let out the raging fire of my jealousy during the hunt. At least that wouldn't hurt him. And I couldn't hurt him, because that would upset her.

"You're probably right," I finally said. Bella scrutinized my expression again. Her hand moved up to my face and she gently stroked a fingertip across the light purple shadows underneath my eyes. My skin tingled at her touch.

"Are you thirsty already?"

Not thirsty, no. Hungry was more like it. Hungry for her, hungry to finish what I'd started so recklessly. But I needed to hunt, needed to feed, so my strength would be at its peak when the time came to fight the newborns.

She knew me too well, knew what the golden color of my eyes indicated. I didn't really want to tell her, so I reluctantly answered. "Not really."

She waited silently, curiosity burning in her eyes. I guessed she needed more of an explanation. I suppressed a sigh. "We want to be as strong as possible," I said hesitantly. "We'll probably hunt again on the way, looking for big game."

"That makes you stronger?"

I stared at her face for a long moment, checking her eyes, her expression to make sure that there was no fear before I continued. "Yes," I replied, "human blood makes us strongest, though only fractionally. Jasper's been thinking about cheating – adverse as he is to the idea, he's nothing if not practical – but won't suggest it. He knows what Carlisle will say."

"Would that help?" she asked quietly.

"It doesn't matter," I said with determination. "We aren't going to change who we are."

Bella frowned, then shuddered. I didn't understand her reaction to my words and changed the subject again.

"That's why they're so strong, of course," I mused, "the newborns are full of human blood – their own blood, reacting to the change. It lingers in the tissues, and strengthens them. Their bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to wane after about a year."

"How strong will _I _be?" Bella asked curiously.

I grinned at her. "Stronger than I am." Certainly, the tables would be turned after her change. It would be her turn not to break _me_.

"Stronger than Emmett?" she asked breathlessly. My grin got wider. She would be, and I would let her use that against him.

"Yes. Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him." Bested by Bella. He would absolutely hate it. He'd be furious. I almost burst out laughing.

Bella laughed once, and I wasn't sure if she believed me. Then she sighed and jumped off the counter. "I don't want to, but I really have to study, Edward. Not all of us have an infallible mind and perfect recall."

"My mind is yours to use as you please," I jested.

"Wish your body was, too," she mumbled under her breath, apparently forgetting that my hearing was more refined than that of a human. Then she blushed furiously, remembering, so I chose not to honor that remark with an answer. She didn't know what she was saying, clearly.

We bent over the books and I showed her the little tricks she should be able to use in her Calculus test. I questioned her on the history materials, and was proud that she did very well. Bella took a break in the middle of our studying to call the mutt.

Again, I kept my face smooth and played with her hair while she talked to him. This time I listened to the conversation. Of course, the dog was excited she was coming to see him. Apparently, their school was already out for the summer, and he told her to come over as soon as possible after school. She agreed and finished the call. "See you tomorrow, Jake. Bye."

She hung up the phone and turned to me. "Maybe you can just drop me off here after school. I can drive myself."

"No, Bella," I disagreed. "Please let's keep our precautions in place. I will take you to the line and pick you up again. You can take the cell phone and call me whenever you're ready to come home." Speaking of cell phones, this was perhaps an opportunity to give her the one I had purchased for her. I wondered briefly how I could get her to accept it.

"But Jacob doesn't know to do that."

"Then call him back. I won't let you drive by yourself. Please, Bella, please do this for me. For us."

She conceded and made another quick call to the dog. He instantly agreed. I would take her to the border at noon and he would meet us there.

Now all I had to do was figure out a way to get through the hours without her.

~~oo~~oo~~

**A/N:** Shameless self-promotion - I have signed up as a Beta reader if anyone is interested. Also, since I can't read minds like Edward, reviews are appreciated! Just click the green button and tell me what you think...


	13. Intentions

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some, okay - most, (all right - all) of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse"_._ Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from the book, for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. I also incorporated dialogue between Bella and and other characters for which Edward is either present or eavesdropping. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received on my stories. Please keep it up. I live for reviews. Okay, I'm kidding. But really, any and all comments are welcome. VERY welcome!!

This 13th Chapter is called "Intentions". It's based on a small portion of Chapter 14, "Declaration". Bella is going to LaPush again. Edward is very unhappy with the thoughts he picks up from Jacob; his intention to tell Bella how he feels. Edward goes hunting with that on his mind and experiences a complete loss of his usual composure. A lot of this is made-up dialogue and Edward's actions/thoughts, albeit following canon.

Disclaimer: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Thank you!

**13. Intentions**

Late morning.

Bella, Alice and I had just left school and I was pulling out of the school parking lot. Alice turned to Bella to chat about nothing important, and I let my mind flow freely, while steering the car on automatic pilot.

I'd let my family know of the change in plans. Alice had called as soon as Bella's future went blank, and, while Bella was distracted with dinner, I'd called her back and told her that they wouldn't need to watch over her. Our own plans stayed the same. Alice, Jasper and Emmett would stay behind, just in case. She'd already checked for anything out of the ordinary, but Victoria was still to the east with no plans to return. The three of them would take turns and watch Bella's house so Charlie would be safe as well after he returned from work, though I hoped to be back in town by then. I didn't expect Bella to stay out that long.

Alice had also reminded me of the bet, wondering if I would tell Bella about it. I'd answered that with a resounding 'No'. Definitely not. It would just add pressure she didn't need.

The ridiculous bet between Jasper and Emmett. Alice had abstained from it, because nobody wanted to bet against her. Rosalie didn't care either way. I grimaced, running through the conversation in my head.

"So," Jasper had said, turning to me with a grin. "I was wondering... with Bella's obvious temper added to the equation, I'm thinking that you won't be able to keep her from straying in the first year."

I'd glared at him. "I'll take her to Antarctica, if I have to, Jasper. Not a lot of humans around in that particular location, so I think we'll be all right there. If it comes to that."

He'd smiled. "Not a lot, but there is a permanent settlement of sorts. A research facility. Besides, do you really want to live off penguins for a year?"

He had me there. "I'll find a way," I'd fiercely promised him. I would not allow a human life to be on Bella's conscience, even if she didn't realize what she'd done until after the crazed first year.

Emmett and Rosalie laughed. "Really, Edward?" Emmett had snorted, "she'll be pretty strong for a while, and I don't know that you can handle her by yourself. We'd have to go with you, and believe me, I'm not particularly fond of that type of prey. I tried a chicken once, out of curiosity. Blech. Very nasty. Birds in general are pretty foul. " And then he'd roared at the double meaning of his joke, and they'd all chimed in for a moment.

"I think Emmett's right," Rosalie had added. "_Selfish jackass. Stop being such an idiot, if you can_. _So what if she kills a few. You all did at one time or another_."

I glowered at her. "You think you're so much better than the rest of us, don't you Rosalie?" I'd snarled. She knew exactly what buttons to push to irritate me, from the moment she'd woken up for the last time. "I am telling you right now, I'll do whatever it takes to keep her away from that temptation."

"_Whatever_."

Emmett had thoughtfully looked at the scowl on my face. "All right, I believe you. I don't think you'd let her kill anyone. But – say, she got away from you? You may be the fastest of us now... what if, as a newborn, she's faster?" He burst out laughing then, amused by the image of Bella outrunning me. "No, perhaps not. She's pretty clumsy. That's gotta come over in the transformation somehow."

Jasper had looked at Emmett appreciatively. "How about a little bet, then, Emmett?"

"Bring it on."

"Wait," I'd interjected, knowing where Jasper was headed, but they'd ignored me.

"Loser has to shopping with Alice," Jasper had suggested. "Sorry, my love, no offense." Alice had glared at him.

"For a month. No, wait, for a year," Rosalie had offered with a wide grin. "Have fun with that, you two."

Emmett had shuddered at the thought. "You're on. I say she'll kill five. I believe Edward."

Jasper laughed. "Rosalie?"

"Oh, I'm not betting. I don't care either way," she said haughtily.

I'd groaned. Jasper had grinned at my discomfort. "All right, I say thirty."

I'd looked at him in disbelief. "Are you out of your mind? Do you _want_ to go shopping with Alice? There is no way I'd allow her to kill thirty people. Or five, for that matter. You know me better than that, Jasper."

"You can try," he'd laughed. "But with her temper, I'm betting high."

Emmett had laughed, too. "What if we're both wrong? Who will go shopping with Alice, then?"

Rosalie had giggled. "Well, I suppose she could take Bella in that case." That had set off Emmett again, and he'd been doubled over with laughter. I'd been the only one not laughing at that point.

"You all are so pathetically juvenile. You both had better not say a word about this to Bella." With a final scowl, I'd stomped out of the house, their laughter hounding me up into the boughs of one of the large firs that surrounded the yard. Alice had followed me outside.

"_I wouldn't worry too much about it, Edward, but I'm fairly certain that neither of them is going to win_." She sighed theatrically. "_I guess I'll have to go shopping all by myself, as usual_."

I'd stared at her. "What do you mean?"

"_I mean, that while I can't really see clearly this far ahead, I don't think Bella has it in her to kill at all. At least not a human_."

"Are you betting, too?" I'd challenged her.

"Heavens, no," she'd laughed. "_Well, at least not officially_. _Don't worry, Edward, it'll be fine_."

I'd jumped back down and ruffled her hair. "Thanks, Alice. That makes me feel better. Though only a little." My favorite sister had giggled, and run back to Jasper.

"_Are you okay, Edward? You're scowling._" Alice was staring at me in the rearview mirror. I turned my focus back to the present.

I nodded imperceptibly, smoothed my face and gave her a quick smile. She resumed chatting with Bella.

After dropping Alice off at the mouth of our driveway, I leaned over to open the Volvo's glove compartment and pulled out the small cell phone I'd gotten for Bella. Knowing that she likely wouldn't accept it if I told her it was hers, I didn't mention that small fact. "Here you go, love. It's fully charged. Just call me whenever you want me to come pick you up."

I hadn't counted on Bella's innate perception skills. She missed nothing. I should have been used to it by now, but it still put me in awe. And got me in trouble.

"This isn't the same one I used last time, Edward," she said slowly, looking from the phone to me. The unspoken question was unmistakable. I kept my eyes on the road.

"No," I hedged, not wanting to lie. "It isn't."

"Why not?"

I sighed and went with the truth. "Because last time, when you went to the bonfire, I borrowed Alice's phone. I didn't want to have to do that again, so I bought another for you."

"You got me a cell phone?" she shouted angrily. Heat colored her cheeks. I was in trouble. Again. I should have anticipated this reaction. Should have known she'd be mad. Maybe I should have asked her if it was all right before buying the phone. But she would have refused, either way. Ugh. Was there nothing I could get right anymore?

"Yes," I admitted quietly, glancing at her face. She _was_ mad. Her face looked just like she had when I'd surprised her by taking her to the prom. Damn it. I should have gotten her the same model Alice used, but it wasn't available any more, so I'd chosen one that was, at first glance, similar. Cell phone models changed so quickly, that even I had a hard time keeping up. I'd even programmed the stupid thing exactly like Alice's. Unfortunately, this phone wasn't similar enough to pass Bella's inspection. I should have just given the new phone to Alice and kept her old one for Bella. That would have made my life just a little easier. Too late now.

"Well, you can take it right back. I won't accept it." She dropped the phone into the middle console.

"Why not?" I knew the answer before she gave it.

"Because cell phones cost money, and I'm not letting you pay for it."

"I got a good deal. It's running on a family plan," I said with a crooked smile, in a misguided attempt to brush it off.

"Very funny," she grumbled, unimpressed. "Edward, you know I don't like you spending money on me."

I was aware of that, and it sometimes angered me. It made me feel rejected. And it really hurt. Like I wasn't good enough to give her presents. Or that my gifts weren't good enough for her. It confirmed my doubts that I wasn't good enough. It was apparently perfectly all right if someone else spend money on her, like my parents had when they'd bought the airline tickets, or Emmett and Jasper on the radio for her truck. But I wasn't allowed. I didn't have any idea why, but I intended to find out at some point. I was smart enough to know that now was not the time to ask that particular question. Not unless I wanted to dig a deeper hole than the one I was already in.

"Bella," I said in desperation. "If it makes you happy, you only have to use it when you're in La Push. Just so I can come and pick you up when you want to come home. You don't have to make any other calls on it if you don't want to. In fact, you don't have to carry it with you at all any other time. But please, for my peace of mind, please take it with you when you're not with me. Please?"

"Fine," she muttered, but she left the phone where it was. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief and decided that it would be best not to push my luck any further. I'd just make sure that she'd take it with her before she got out of the car.

The first day of finals was over. We were driving down La Push Road towards the coast. I was taking Bella to the treaty line to meet up with the mutt. Jacob Black. His name was a curse, a red flag, a taboo, a menace – at least for me. I didn't like his friendship with Bella, and I certainly didn't like that he thought himself in love with her, as well as her protector.

But love her, he did. I knew that much, having had a few opportunities to read his mind. His feelings towards Bella were sincere, albeit fueled by his utter hatred and contempt for the likes of me. The vampires. He knew of Bella's intention to join me and my family for eternity, and the mongrel thought that he had to save her from this fate. He obviously had no inkling of how stubborn Bella could be.

Protect her, he had. I owed him my gratitude for keeping her alive while I had been gone, and because he loved her, I couldn't even hate him. And I wanted to. But I couldn't. I was jealous nonetheless.

Very much so. I knew that my leaving had initiated this relationship, and while it galled me to no end, I could only blame myself for having made it necessary for Bella to find some resemblance of comfort during that dark time while we were apart.

Even if it had been with a stinking dog. To bask in a tiny glimmer of sunshine when the rest of her world was dark and menacing. To keep the utter misery and anguished pain of living without me from completely destroying her. Her friendship with him was an ever-present reminder of my near fatal mistake of leaving her, something I deserved to be reminded of for the rest of my existence. I had nearly killed her. My fault. Mine alone.

Remorse and guilt clawed at my silent heart. I would never forgive myself for leaving her. Not even if I did live forever.

And now the stinking animal was manipulating her, knowing that she felt she owed him her allegiance, because he had kept her safe and made her life somewhat bearable during my absence. He used that knowledge at every turn, trying his best to drive a wedge between us.

But tolerance and acceptance were what I had promised Bella, and so here we were, driving towards a few hours of separation. I had to hunt. And I wasn't going to be gone for long. It was all I could stand. No more than a few hours to do what I had to do. Quench my thirst. Prepare for battle. Keep her safe.

My face was smooth, my expression unconcerned. Inside I was burning up with fear and despair.

I had no idea yet what to do with Bella while we all went to fight the army that someone was building in Seattle. None of us could stay behind – we all needed to go to take care of the newborns. As much as I didn't want to, I would have to consider Jacob Black to keep watch over her. I'd have to talk to Jasper about that. Perhaps there was another way.

We were talking about the finals we had just sat through, in an effort to keep things light before I had to let her go. "_A few hours_," I reminded myself. "_Just a few hours. You'll be back this evening. You can do this_."

"So how do you feel you did on your exams?" I asked her, trying to distract myself.

"History was easy,"she replied, "but I don't know about the Calculus. It seemed like it was making sense, so that probably means I failed."

I laughed. Bella's self-effacing comments belied her intelligence. She was a very good student, and after yesterday's study session, I was certain she'd done very well.

"I'm sure you did fine. Or, if you're really worried, I could bribe Mr. Varner to give you an A," I teased her, expecting her to decline my offer.

"Er, thanks, but no thanks."

I laughed again. We'd come to the bend in the road that was just before the Quileute line when I heard him. He was waiting in his heap of junk that he called a car.

"_Man, I'm tired. Need sleep_. _Damn Sam for not listening_. _Oh, there she is_. _Finally. I'll tell her today. I __have to tell her. Can't wait any longer. She needs to know. I love her. Must tell her. She must know how I feel. Before she runs off with the bloodsucker._" The dog's mind was flooding mine with pictures of an imagined future with Bella. I stopped laughing instantly. My face, no longer a smooth mask, slipped into a frown. Tired, was he? How was he going to watch over her if he could barely stay awake?

I'd heard him running through the woods the last few nights, ever since the unknown vampire had been to Bella's house. At least he was making himself useful, sweeping the woods in neutral territory, though he didn't need to be watching over her at night. I was perfectly capable of doing that myself.

There'd been no progress with his suggestion to rearrange the boundary lines. I hadn't really expected it to. The wolves didn't trust us, and we didn't trust them. And Sam Uley didn't care about Bella's safety, it seemed.

The dog's thoughts hit me again and my insides froze. "_Hey, you disgusting leech - can you hear me yet? I'll fight for her. You'll lose, bloodsucker. This isn't over. Take a look... " _He saw Bella in his mind's eye, laughing with him, kissing him, laying in his arms, flushed from making love to him. Happy. And in the more distant future – their wedding, Bella round with his child, glowing. I suddenly felt sick, nauseous. My stomach rolled. I automatically stopped the car and put it in park, thirty feet from the border.

He stared at me through the windshield with narrowed eyes. "_Yeah, see what I can give her. She'll be mine before long. You'll see. Once I tell that I love her, she'll leave your sorry ass._" He was yelling at me in his head, knowing I would hear him. I very nearly snarled at his audacity, but remembered just in time that Bella was sitting next to me.

Oh, fuck no! This was _my mate_ he was fantasizing about. My Bella. My whole existence. My own eyes narrowed as I stared at the stupid mutt. No. Hell no! She was mine. He wanted to take her from me. The jealousy exploded inside me, burning, clawing, overwhelming. Damn him to hell and beyond. She was mine.

"_But he can give her what you cannot_," a small demonic voice whispered at the back of my mind. "_With him, she can be human, have children, be happy_."

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, when she took in my changed expression.

I shook my head as despair crawled into my heart. The voice was right, wasn't it? He would be able to give her that. That and more. More than I ever would be able to. She would keep her soul.

"Nothing." My hand twitched towards the gear stick and a large part of me wanted to shove the car into drive and peel out of this hell of my own making. Take Bella far away with me and never come back.

But that would be selfish. No matter how much it hurt me, I had promised her tolerance. Acceptance. They were friends. Bella wouldn't be swayed by his offer. He could tell her that he loved her until he was blue in the face, it would make no difference.

"_Are you sure_?" the voice returned with a sneer. "_Are you really sure_?"

Yes, I was. She wouldn't choose him. Bella was my mate. She loved me as I loved her. There was nothing he could do or say to change that. Nothing. I remembered my epiphany. I knew Bella was bound to me as I was bound to her. The voice was quiet.

"You're not _listening _to Jacob, are you?" Bella said accusingly, her hand on the door handle.

"It's not easy to ignore someone when he's shouting," I replied grimly.

"Oh." She fell silent for a second, looking out the windshield. "What's he shouting?" she whispered.

Though temporarily amused that she felt she had to whisper, I wasn't going to let the cat out of the bag myself. If he felt the need to embarrass himself so thoroughly by declaring his love for her, so be it. But it would be in his words. Not mine. "I'm absolutely certain he'll mention it himself," I answered dryly.

The mongrel honked twice. "_Come on, already. Get moving. What's taking so long? Stupid parasite_."

I growled in response to his aggravating impatience. "That's impolite."

"That's Jacob." Bella sighed and started to climb out of the car.

"Wait," I said, desperate to prolong the moment of her departure. "You can't leave yet."

She turned and looked at me questioningly. I quickly leaned over and kissed her lips. I wanted to pull her back in the car and drive off. Forcing a smile on my face, I leaned back into my seat instead. "There," I said, making my voice sound light. "Don't forget I love you."

She returned my smile, then got out of the car. "Bye."

My epiphany proved elusive. Suddenly, I couldn't speak, had to fight to keep the smile frozen on my face. Paralyzing agony flooded my body. "_No. No. No. Please don't go, don't leave me_." She closed the door, and started hurrying towards the line. "_No. No. Come back_."

Breathing turned to gasps. My face contorted in anguish, as I watched the love of my existence walk towards my enemy. "_I love you, Bella, please come back_." Every cell in my body screamed against letting her go to him, but I knew I had to. The friendship with the mutt made her happy, and that was all that mattered. Even if it broke my heart.

She crossed the line. Too late to run after her now.

And then I was assaulted again by the dog's thoughts of his future with Bella. The horrible pictures floated through his mind, and left me unable to breathe. He could barely contain his excitement as he watched Bella cross over into his territory and threw open the passenger door for her.

She turned and waved at me, then climbed into his pathetic excuse of a car. I felt like crying, but I had no tears. I felt hollow. Without her by my side, I was no longer whole.

"_A few hours. Just a few hours. She'll come back. She will_." I frantically clung to that beacon of hope as my life raft as I turned the car around and sped home.

Just a few hours.

The stress of having to let her go so she could spend time with the stupid mutt was consuming my mind in such a fashion, I didn't realize that Bella had left the cell phone until I pulled into the garage. Damn it. I didn't even know if she had done so on purpose, or if she'd just forgotten to take it. She wasn't thrilled that I'd bought it in the first place; either one was a possibility.

It was too late to do anything about it. Too late to turn around and bring it to her. I knew the dog had a phone at his house, so at least she'd be able to call me from there.

But I should have remembered to give it to her before she left. My fault. It was all my fault. Everything was my fault. I hung my head.

"_You_ are a m_onster_," the demon's voice screamed in my head, "_a_ _deplorable fiend. You don't deserve her. You are despicable. You make me sick._"

Thinking hurt too much, so I stopped. Darkness descended. I felt utterly alone.

Alice came to me then, having seen me arrive in my current state of self-loathing, and opened the car door. She gently pulled me into her arms. "It's all right, Edward, it's all right, let it out," she chanted, her small arms wrapped around me, my head against her shoulder, her hand stroking my hair.

But I couldn't let the pain flow out of me. Hers were not the arms I craved. I needed Bella. Needed her with every fiber in my frozen body. If I lost her, I would die a thousand deaths, and it wouldn't be enough.

My favorite sister tried to comfort me; my body convulsed with the strain to suppress my dry sobs. I was approaching breaking point.

Alice soothingly rubbed my back. "She'll be fine. She'll be all right. Don't worry, Edward."

Contrary to her words, Bella's future was utter darkness in Alice's mind – it didn't exist. A black hole that represented the absence of her love. That in itself, threatening to engulf me, was without question the most painful part – my happy ending invisible, the darkness barely held at bay by the blind faith I was required to put into the dog, faith to keep Bella safe until she was back in my arms.

I was vaguely aware that Jasper had come into the garage. Alice shot him a look, and he sent a wave of calm and love towards me. I heaved to suppress another sob and let the calm spread through me. It blanketed the pain but couldn't take it away completely. I lifted my head off Alice's shoulder and looked at her dejectedly.

"_Oh, Edward_," Alice whispered silently. "_Are you sure this is the right thing to do_?"

"It makes her happy," I answered, my voice bleak. "How can I deny her this, if it makes her happy? She deserves to be happy."

Alice sighed. "_I've heard this once before. And you were wrong then, too. Remember, Edward, her happiness and yours are linked irrevocably. Neither exists without the other._" She stood back and let her arms drop."_You know I can't see anything now_... _I hate this_."

I got out of the car and glanced at Jasper. His face was grave, his mind whirling with the pain and despair I was radiating.

I took a deep breath to get myself under control, to give Jasper some form of relief. He suffered my raging emotions without complaint.

"Thank you," I said. "Thank you both. I'll get through this. It's just for a few hours."

Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie stepped out of the house. Esme quickly walked over and hugged me fiercely. "_I know this is so hard for you, sweet boy. I'm so sorry._"

Carlisle stood beside me quietly. "_I hate to see you suffering so._"

"Will you still go with us?" he asked.

I nodded in reply. Hunting would be a distraction. I could give myself to my senses and, perhaps for a little while, ignore the hollowness in my chest. It would help pass the time.

Rosalie was silent, her thoughts occluded. I was grateful for the reprieve. She locked eyes with me, and for a fleeting moment, I thought I saw compassion in her face. I must have been mistaken, because her mental assault began soon after. "_You truly are a fool. Trusting those stinking dogs. How could you?_"

I wordlessly looked into her hard eyes, angry flames spreading through me, wondering briefly if I could prevent Jasper from picking up my sudden fury long enough to rip her head off.

A growl built in my chest, but with a loud groan, Jasper's arms were around me in the next instant and he quickly pulled me into the house. "Easy now, Edward." With a hard glare at Rosalie, Alice turned and followed.

Emmett, sitting on the couch, looked up from the TV, grinning. "Hey, Ed-," The anger on my face registered, and triggered a memory from the day before. "Shit, what has she done now?" His grin wiped away, he jumped off the couch and went into the garage to stand by his wife's side.

I heard Carlisle speak to Rosalie. "What did you say to him?"

I saw her shrug, her face enraged. "Only the truth. How can he trust those vicious animals?"

"Come on, Rose," Emmett said, trying to diffuse the tension. "I'm sure Edward knows what he's doing."

Carlisle sighed. "They will not harm Bella. While they may want to destroy _us_, Jacob Black is not a danger to her. Edward knows this."

"He shouldn't trust them," Rosalie hissed. "They are dangerous, uncontrolled. You saw how that big gray one attacked Emmett without provocation."

"I have a slightly different recollection, but be that as it may – I believe none of them will hurt Bella. And so does your brother." Carlisle's voice was final.

To my utter astonishment, Rosalie acquiesced. "Fine."

"Let me go, Jasper, I'm all right." I shook off his arms and went upstairs to change into jeans. Alice went to his side and wrapped her arms around his waist. They looked into each other's eyes, silently communicating. They had perfected this to where neither had to speak a word to understand the other. I closed my mind to their conversation, to give them the privacy they deserved.

"Edward," Carlisle called. "If you are ready, we should leave now."

"I'll be right there."

We left shortly thereafter, running south through the forests, away from the confines of the human population. Rosalie was still grumbling silently about the dogs, and, at least as far as she was concerned, my folly of entrusting Bella's safety to the mutt. I knew she wasn't going to stop any time soon, and that I needed to get away from her, at least for the time being.

Sometimes I simply didn't understand her. Just yesterday she'd blamed the existence of the newborn army on my relationship with Bella, and today she acted as if she was worried about my love's safety. The contradiction was nonsensical to me. But I had long given up on making sense of Rosalie's convuluted thought processes.

In a way, I didn't care what she thought, as long as she didn't hurt Bella with her attitude. So far, after the sleepover, she had kept her word to be nice. As nice as she had the ability to be, I supposed. She'd kept her distaste to herself. Perhaps I should be grateful for small favors. Unfortunately, unless I tuned her out, I still could hear every word.

Once we reached the general area where we would hunt, I turned to Carlisle. "I'm going alone from here," I said. "When do you want to meet to go home?"

He looked at me, concerned. "_Alone_?"

I nodded, glancing at Rosalie. "Yes. I think that would be best for now. I'll stay out of your way."

He understood instantly. "All right, son. We'll meet here at four. That should give us enough time."

I turned on my heels, and starting running. "See you then," I threw over my shoulder, and sped up, quickly putting the needed distance between myself and Rosalie's thoughts.

Squirrels rushed up the trees around me, birds stopped their tweeting; all the small wildlife around me fell silent when they caught my scent as I ducked under branches, jumped over bushes, trying to find my prey. I didn't take me long to pick up the scent trail of a mountain lion. It was fresh. The big cat wasn't far. I slowed to a walk, then to a standstill, flaring my nostrils, extending my hearing.

The muffled sounds of paws and hoofs on the mossy leaves of the forest floor pricked at my ears, and my nose discerned between the big cat and the deer it was hunting.

My prey was downwind from me, so he hadn't caught my scent. I slowly moved forward, inhaling the cat's scent, my footfalls inaudible. This was a large specimen, and I was looking forward to killing him.

The lion was just ahead of me, so I let his scent swirl in my throat and unleashed the predator in me. I growled menacingly, and the cat swirled around in surprise, answering with a growl of its own.

In my mind's eye I saw Jacob Black, sneering at me in the school parking lot.

I deliberately stalked forward, my narrowed eyes meeting his, and the lion's growl grew louder. His own prey forgotten, he sunk back on his haunches and propelled himself at me. I swatted him away, intent on not breaking his bones. He gracefully landed on his feet and, with a ferocious shriek, came at me again. I could hear the wildly beating heart, smell the musky scent, and grabbed the cat by his underbelly. I roared in his face.

Jacob Black sat on a driftwood tree on the beach, with his arms around Bella.

"To hell with my shirt," I thought as I felt the cat's claws rake over my chest, but finding no purchase against the marble of my skin. My lips curling back over my teeth, I grinned viciously, as I threw him backwards, dancing out of the way, as he tried to attack me again.

Jacob Black thought about stealing Bella from me. The images danced in my head. Fury engulfed me. My vision was surrounded by a red haze and I let the bloodlust consume me. The cat's heartbeat drummed in my ears.

I turned into a savage beast, a monster of the grisliest kind, all lingering traces of my humanity ripped away, in a trance, entirely focused on the images in my head, fighting with my prey, pretending it was the dog I was unable to kill.

But I could kill the big cat. My mind shut off, and pure instinct took over.

The lion whirled back towards me, and jumped, his teeth bared, his outrage expressed in the loud roar that ripped from his throat. The sound cut off as I caught him mid-jump, my hand curling around his throat, crushing his windpipe with one hand, and I quickly snapped his neck. His body fell still in my hand, only the tip of his tail twitching in a final spasm of disjointed nerves.

My teeth unerringly found the sweet spot on his neck, and cut easily through the skin and sinew to rip a hole into the pulsing artery. With his heart still beating, the cat's feral blood gushed in large, fast spurts down my parched throat. I drank deeply, sucking greedily on the animal's neck, when his heart gave out and no longer pumped the life-sustaining liquid into my mouth.

When he ran dry, I took his body into both of my hands, and still in a frenzy, ferocious snarls tearing from deep inside my chest, ripped him into pieces, all the while wishing fervently it was the mutt I kept seeing in my mind. Body parts were flying around me.

Two things happened simultaneously then. My phone buzzed in my pant pocket. And I heard a gasp of shock behind me. I froze instantly, instinctively flaring my nostrils to find out who was behind me. I relaxed a little when I smelled Carlisle's scent. My mind had been so completely disconnected from my body I hadn't heard his approach. Nor sensed it another way. I was utterly vulnerable at this point, dangerous as well as in danger. If it had been humans behind me instead of my father, happening into this section of the forest, I would have exposed us all.

"Edward?" I heard Carlisle's disbelieving voice. My father's quiet tone fully snapped me out of my trance; my mind started working again. Ignoring the still-buzzing phone for the moment, I looked down at myself. My hands, my arms were a bloody mess, my shirt hung in shreds off my chest. The cat's body parts were littered around me. I felt a trickle of blood run from the corner of my mouth down to my chin, and flicked it into my mouth with my tongue.

"_Dear God, Edward, what has come over you_?" He had never seen me this way, not once, not even when I had defied him those many years ago and lived only for the blood, for the next meal, a slave to my thirst. Hell, I'd _never_ killed this way before. Not even when I'd hunted the bottom dwellers of humanity.

I turned to face him, and he again gasped in shock. He'd heard the ferocious roars and growls, and had come to investigate, but hadn't expected to find me in such a disheveled state. Monster, indeed.

"I don't know," I said weakly, as my knees gave out and my body sank to the forest floor. I wanted to cover my face in shame, but recoiled from my own hands when I saw the lion's blood on them. They fell to my side. I sat back on my heels and pressed my chin to my chest, staring desolately at the ground below me.

Carlisle knelt in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Edward, tell me what's going on."

"_I've never seen you in such a frenzy... _" he added in his mind.

"I don't know," I repeated my previous words. "It sort of... just happened. I saw _him_ in my mind and... just tore it apart. I wanted it to be _him_."

He heard the emphasis. "Saw who, Edward? Jacob Black?"

I nodded.

"But... why?" Carlisle looked at me, worry and confusion creasing his forehead. "I don't understand... "

"_Is this about Jacob Black spending time with Bella? Is that why you lost your... composure?_"

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I lifted my face to my father and the debilitating pain I'd been holding in since dropping Bella off exploded out of me.

"Why?" I yelled at him, my sheer terror and paralyzing fear at the prospect of losing Bella obliterating all remaining shreds of sanity. "You want to know _why_? Because he's in love with her, and he will do anything to change her mind. Anything. What if he succeeds? What if she chooses him? I cannot live without her, Carlisle, I know that – and so do you. I will lose her. Oh God, what am I going to do?" My chest heaved with a broken sob.

A look of complete serenity came over my father's face. "Oh, Edward," he said with a gentle shake of his head. "My dear boy, whatever happened to your epiphany? Now please listen to me, and remember this. Bella is your mate. Your one and only mate. And you are _hers_. It is permanent. It is irrevocable. It is mutual. She will not choose another. No matter what offers you think she may get, she will never choose anyone over you. Neither one of you can be happy without the other. Don't you understand that?"

"But he can give her what I cannot," I disagreed. And she deserved to have everything. Including her soul.

"What do you mean?"

"He can give her children," I whispered in utter despair. "With him, she would be able to stay human. Keep her soul."

"Bella has already chosen to join you in this life. It would be wrong to disregard her wishes. You know I made a promise to change her after graduation. I know you can't read her mind, but does she even want children?"

"We've never talked about it, actually. I just assumed... "

"Of course you did." He shook his head again. "Edward – hear me. Even_ if _she at one point wanted children... and had to give up that option to be with you forever... we both know there are certain limitations for our kind, and once she is changed that particular path is closed to her. However – there is no hurt, no loss in this world that _you_ cannot soothe for_ her_. There is nothing she can't face with you by her side, nothing that, in return, she cannot make bearable for you. Whatever turns your lives may take, whatever your futures hold, you will make life joyful for _each other_. She will turn to _you_ in the darker times, when our existence is difficult to bear and you will find a way to make it endurable for her. If you find yourself struggling in this life, it will be _Bella_ who helps you through your struggles. You are mated to each other, and there is no other choice. For neither of you."

"But... "

"But nothing, son," he cut me off impatiently. "Do you not trust her? Are you so dead set on thinking that you don't deserve her?" I started to shake my head and opened my mouth to tell him that I didn't deserve her at all, that a monster like me didn't deserve such an innocent, selfless angel as Bella.

"Don't shake your head, dear boy. You have great capacity for loathing yourself, what you are. I know you think you've lost your soul, that you are irredeemably evil. You are not. Don't you see it, Edward? She is your salvation and you are hers.

"Stop brooding endlessly, stop overthinking all of this. Bella has chosen you, and you have chosen her. And that is the end of it. You are highly intelligent, and your extra ability has opened many depths of knowledge to you. Having listened to everyone around you for all these years, you think that your understanding of the human mind is extraordinary, and perhaps it is – but you can't _understand love_, Edward – you have to let yourself experience it. You still have very little experience in matters of the heart and it is seriously clouding your judgment.

"I've stood by for a long time, letting you make your own choices and suffered with you when you made mistakes, but it is enough. Trust your mate. Trust Bella. And most of all, trust yourself. You _do_ deserve her. I will no longer watch idly while you do everything in your power to destroy the only true love you will ever know. No more."

I stared at him, my mouth gaping open. He had never spoken thusly to me. Carlisle took a deep breath and smirked. "Now, let's clean up this mess. There is a stream nearby where you can wash off the blood. I don't have another shirt with me, so be prepared for Rosalie's comments when she sees you. I am surprised you haven't heard from Alice... "

That reminded me of the phone call I'd ignored earlier. "I had a call right when you... uh... found me, but I'd rather not put my hands in my pocket as of yet. It may have been Bella... er... would you mind? Left front."

Carlisle's smirk grew more pronounced. "Of course." He pulled out the phone and checked the missed call log. "Alice."

"Call her back, please?" I quickly gathered the cougar's body parts and ripped out a young fir by the roots, stuffing the pieces underneath, before placing the tree back in the ground. It took but a few seconds.

After disposing of the evidence, I ran towards the small stream a few hundred yards to the east. The water turned red as I washed off the lion's blood from my arms and hands. I moved a couple of feet where the stream had remained clear, and splashed water on my face and chest. Before returning to Carlisle, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

There was nothing I could do about the remains of my shirt, and the rest of my clothes were, where not hanging in pieces, at least ruined from the blood splatter and wet from the water. We'd have to go home the long way, staying in the woods.

When I got back to Carlisle, he handed me the phone and I stuck it back into my pocket. "I called her. Everything is fine."

"Did you tell her?"

"I didn't have to tell her anything. Her exact words were 'What the hell is wrong with him?' However, I did share with her your reasons."

"Okay," I drew out the word apprehensively, wondering if Alice would want to confront me about what happened.

Carlisle looked at me, curious at my tone. "_Worried about Alice, Edward_?"

I nodded. "A bit."

Carlisle chuckled. "Well, I can understand that. She wasn't happy when I talked to her."

I grimaced. Alice would be on the warpath. I considered hiding, but she'd know exactly where to find me as soon as I decided on a location.

We found Esme and Rosalie waiting at the designated meeting spot. While Esme was confused at the way I looked, Rosalie raised one eyebrow as she took in my altered state of dress. "_My, my, Edward. I don't think I've ever seen you return from a hunting trip looking like a savage_."

"Too bad Emmett isn't here," she said with a petty smirk. "Perfect Edward in tatters is truly a sight to behold."

I bristled at her tone. "We all have our days, don't we, Rosalie?" I said, suggestively raising an eyebrow of my own. "Including you. I believe there is still something I haven't told Emmett after all this time..."

She immediately understood. "You wouldn't..."

"Try me," I snapped at her. That shut her up.

"Edward, is everything all right?" Esme asked, concern furrowing her brows.

I nodded, smiling sheepishly. "Yes, I'm fine."

"_Do you want to tell me_?"

"No, not really."

Carlisle had stood by quietly. "Well, I think we should get home. Ready?"

On the way home, tuning out my family as we ran through the forests, I thought about Carlisle's words. And the more they whirled through my mind, the calmer, the more hopeful I became.

Perhaps he was right. For everything monstrous and evil I had done in my life, for all my numerous sins, was loving Bella my redemption? Was I redeemable? I looked at the possibility with new eyes.

From the moment I'd met her, my love for her was the reason I'd kept the monster locked up inside me, chained up by unbreakable ties. She had resurrected my humanity, had made me feel more like a man than I'd ever felt when I _was_ human.

She had with her willing touch pulled me out of my long melancholy, my desperate loneliness, had given her love to me freely, repeatedly, and like a fool, I had refused to let her love me, because I was certain I didn't deserve her.

I'd spent seven miserable months away from her, with utter disregard for her wishes, her hopes, her dreams, even though she had told me, over and over, what she wanted. And in the end, she had come after me, to save me yet again. Perhaps, she truly _was_ my salvation. Perhaps, there was a tiny smidgen of hope that God had not forsaken me after all.

A memory flashed through my mind. The morning after we had returned from Italy, after the vote at my house, Bella and I were sitting in her room. She had vehemently challenged my belief that I'd lost my soul in the transformation, that she'd be giving hers up if I allowed her conversion.

_You know you don't really believe that_, she'd said. _If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't... There's hope in you, after all._

Her assertion had rendered me speechless, unable to form any coherent response.

_Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven._

_Forever_, I'd choked out.

_That's all I'm asking for. _And then she'd kissed me fiercely as if to emphasize her words.

Forever. The word reverberated in my silent heart, and echoed in every cell of my frozen self. Forever.

I truly was an idiot.

When we arrived at the house, I was relieved to see that Alice wasn't waiting on the porch. I quickly scanned my family's minds. Emmett had just shut off his video games, excited that Rosalie was back home. I heard him coming towards the door. His thoughts were focused on... no, I didn't want or need to know. Rosalie however had other ideas. She was going to get underneath her car and fiddle with the engine. I very nearly felt sorry for Emmett.

Jasper and Alice were... busy. Good grief. I shut them out to give them the privacy they obviously needed at the moment.

"Uh... I think I'll go around back," I said to no one in particular. Carlisle laughed, Esme smiled and Rosalie scowled. "_Jackass. I wanted Emmett to see you._"

I just shot her a look and mouthed "jealous?" at her. The scowl grew bigger. I flashed my teeth at her and ran around the house.

At the back of the house, I scaled up the walls and entered my room through the window. It was late enough in the afternoon and Bella would likely be calling soon, so I tossed my phone onto the bed. I dashed into the bathroom, stripping to take a shower, and washed off the last remnants of my inexcusable loss of composure. I discarded the clothes I'd worn, as well as my shoes, and changed into a new pair of boxers, khakis and a light-green shirt.

Still barefoot, I started pacing my room, wondering, worrying why Bella hadn't called yet. Wasn't it time to come home? It was already late afternoon.

I put on socks and shoes, and picked up the phone, checking the missed call log. Nothing. Running my fingers through my still damp hair, I worried in earnest now. Why hadn't she called yet? Perhaps I should make sure I was ready when she did call. Might as well drive out to the line now. I'd just wait there for her to call me. Good idea. I opened my door and started to walk down the stairs.

"Edward," Alice lazily called from her bedroom. "Please do not drive out to the border. Wait until she calls you." Jasper laughed. "_Are you a little eager, Edward_?"

"Why not," I asked Alice. She send me a vision that had me driving like a maniac from the boundary line to Bella's house. Oh.

"Are you sure? I thought you can't see her when she's with the dog."

"Yes, but I can see you. And apparently, you're not going to pick her up at the border today."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, tell Carlisle to be home this evening."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it. I'm a little otherwise engaged right now. Oh, and Edward - we _will_ talk later about this afternoon." I shuddered at the veiled threat and shut her and Jasper out of my mind, wondering what I would need Carlisle for later, since Alice wouldn't let me see. Annoying little fortune teller. But I did as I was told anyway.

Carlisle assured me he'd be home, curious to find out what he would be needed for. As was I. I just hoped it wasn't anything bad, but knowing Bella, she'd probably have an injury that needed taking care of. Maybe the mutt had taken her to ride the motorcycles. I sincerely hoped she had worn the helmet and jacket, for once listening and protecting herself.

Rosalie was sitting in Emmett's lap on the living room sofa, running her fingers through his hair. His hands were roaming underneath her shirt. I didn't want to see any of that. Rosalie swatted Emmett's hands away. "Not now, Emmett. I want to run diagnostics on my car first. I have to do an oil change and a tune-up, anyway. Say you'll be my jack," she pleaded, and then smiled suggestively. "I'll make it worth your while later."

"Well," he drawled, "how can I say no to that, babe?" The enthusiastic images of what he would do to her later filled his mind and mine. I fled the house, shutting out everyone in my family.

I sat in the Volvo in the garage for a short while, my radio blaring to drown out the sounds from the house, staring at the blank screen of my cell phone, willing it to ring. Silence.

I turned the engine over and pulled slowly out of the garage. My fingers drummed impatiently on the steering wheel. I changed to radio stations but found nothing good, so I put in the Debussy CD, still at maximum volume, and tried to relax to the sounds of Claire de Lune.

I checked the phone again. Still no call. I drove the car to the end of the driveway and stopped, unsure what I should do. Drive to the line? Perhaps if I waited there, the dog would see my car and stop. But Alice had seen me drive at high speeds towards Bella's house. Hm.

Maybe I should just sit right here, at the edge of our driveway, with the engine running, waiting until the phone buzzed in my hand. I felt very pathetic and lonely, but I had nothing else to do except to wait for Bella's call.

oo~~OO~~oo

**A/N:** Next up - the confrontation between Edward and Jacob at Bella's house. Also - Edward = Mind Reader. Me = not so much. Please click the green button and let me know if I'm still on the right track. Thanks!


	14. Challenges

**Author's Note: **As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, all conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are mine, though they are based on the Twilight Saga.

This 14th chapter is called "Challenges". It depicts the confrontation between Edward and Jacob Black at Bella's house, after Jacob kisses Bella without her permission, and she punches him in retaliation. From there, Edward takes her home and, in a somewhat Neanderthal way, reclaims her. I have expanded on the scenes with Emmett and Rosalie in the garage, as well as made up additional scenes in the living room, Carlisle's office, Edward's bedroom and the Cullen kitchen, where Edward and Bella experience a sweet, tender moment.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The brilliant Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

**14. Challenges**

Afternoon.

The soft, lilting notes of _Clair de Lune_ flowed loudly but soothingly from the radio, drowning out all the sounds in my immediate vicinity. I sat in the Volvo with the windows down, cool summer air blowing through the car, at the mouth of the drive way, the engine purring steadily, while I was contemplating the events of the last few hours. Shamed, confused, disbelievingly trying to figure out why I had lost my calm so unexpectedly, so ferociously, so inexplicably. In hindsight, I very nearly felt sorry for the mountain lion I had killed in such a vicious manner. I never hunted that way. Never.

And I had been extremely fortunate that no humans had happened by at the precise moment I had completely lost my mind in a frenzy of blood and destruction, or my eyes would be glowing fiendishly red now, and I'd be in hiding. Carlisle had not exactly read me the riot act, but had insistingly told me to remove my cranium from my rectal orifice where it was apparently lodged quite tightly. Or, as Emmett would say, get my head out of my ass.

Not that Carlisle had use those words, of course, but the meaning had been clear. I was yet again falling into the familiar trap of brooding, of loathing myself to the extent that I was forgetting, or more accurately, _rejecting_, the possibility that perhaps, even after the evil I had done in this life, I deserved all that was good and beautiful in my world. Especially my one and only love. My Bella.

Bella - whose love had saved me many times over, whose selflessness had rescued me from certain death, and whose uncomparable beauty, inside and out, was a daily reminder that an angel had come down to earth to rescue me. That God had not completely given up on me. That after many years of walking this earth alone, thinking that I was complete in myself, or had to be, I had been given the one He made just for me. The one whose existence justified all of creation.

Of course, arrogant fool that I was, I had almost thoroughly destroyed my salvation, my angel with utter self-hatred. And only her divine forgiveness, her never-ending love, had saved me once again.

I was so lost in thought that I started when the phone suddenly buzzed in my hand. My eyes flew to the screen. Yes! Finally. I pressed the send button and snatched it to my ear.

"Bella?" I said, my voice conveying my happiness that my long wait was over, utterly delighted at the prospect of holding her in my arms again in just a few more minutes. Alice had been right, naturally. Bella was calling from her house.

While my right foot pressed down on the gas pedal, I threw the car in gear. "You left the phone... ," I told her unnecessarily, then chastised myself for blaming her when it had clearly been my fault that she hadn't taken the phone. "I'm sorry, did Jacob drive you home?"

I turned out of the driveway onto the road that led to my sanctuary, already going much faster than the speed limit, my mind scanning the road ahead for any law enforcement presence that would have me slow down, and delay my arrival at Bella's house.

"Yes," she replied, her tone grumbling, annoyed. "Will you come and get me, please?"

Nothing would please me more. Well, that wasn't quite true, but in this particular moment, I supposed it was. There _were_ other things that would please me much more. Such as Bella agreeing to become my wife.

"I'm on my way," I assured her quickly, but I was puzzled that she seemed upset. "What's wrong?"

"I want Carlisle to look at my hand. I think it's broken." I almost dropped the phone when I heard Bella's reply. What had the dog done to her? How had she gotten hurt? Had she fallen off the motorcycle? Tripped?

Wasn't he supposed to be making sure she didn't come to any harm while she was with him? Had he been too busy with his misguided intentions to declare his feelings for her to pay attention that she didn't get hurt? Stupid, stinking, flea-ridden, imbecile mutt.

"What happened?" I asked her, my voice tense with anxiety.

"I punched Jacob," Bella stated forcefully.

_What_?

I scrambled to recover from my shock at hearing those words. While inflicting physical pain on that despicable animal in itself was perfectly acceptable in my book, I couldn't help but question _why_ there had been a need for her to hit him, though I could wager a guess, considering what he'd been thinking of when I delivered Bella to him earlier. Had he gone through with his asinine intention, after all? It seemed that way. I was instantly torn between utter elation that she had so obviously put the stupid mutt in his place and profound sympathy that she was in pain.

"Good," I said grimly, "though I'm sorry you're hurt."

Bella laughed once, and then sighed, sounding frustrated. "I wish I'd hurt _him_," she said in her kitten-tiger-outrage voice. "I didn't do any damage at all."

Of course she hadn't. The damn dog was a werewolf, after all, his body much too strong, too hard for her to do any real damage to him. She'd only hurt herself in the process. My poor, sweet Bella. I was nearly overcome by my desire to punish the mongrel for making it necessary to hurt herself.

_I _would be able to hurt him. Perhaps she would want me to, but the thought was fleeting. Bella was so completely non-violent, the possibility of her allowing me to punish him in her stead was minuscule.

"I can fix that," I told her, and part of me was looking forward to that fight. If she'd let me.

"I was hoping you would say that," Bella replied.

_What??_

I was instantly on guard. For Bella to actually wish I would hurt her friend, something terrible must have taken place. Different scenarios flooded my mind.

He'd touched her inappropriately. I'd rip his arm off.

He'd said something she didn't appreciate. I'd break his face for her.

He'd pushed himself on her, invading her space. I would castrate him. Painfully. Excruciatingly.

Gladly.

"That doesn't sound like you," I said warily. "What did he _do_?"

"He kissed me."

_Holy fucking hell_!!!

Murderous outrage and raging jealousy shot through me at her words. My face contorted in anger. He'd kissed her? How dare he? He'd kissed my Bella? And if her anger was any indication – without her permission? Assaulted her in that manner? For a long moment, unrestrained fury drowned my ability to speak.

My right foot punched the accelerator, and the Volvo lurched forward. The engine whined in protest. My knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and I had to force myself to loosen my grip in order not to break it. In the background, I could hear muffled voices. Charlie and the dog were talking, but they were too far away from the phone to make out the actual words.

"Is the dog still there?" I asked her when I found my voice again, to confirm what I was hearing through the phone,.

"Yes," she simply answered.

"I'm right around the corner," I advised her darkly, snapped the phone shut and pressed my foot further down on the gas pedal. The tires squealed as I flew through the corner and raced up her street. I slammed my foot on the brake pedal in front of her house, anti lock brakes screeching, and the car shuddered to a stop. I exploded out of the door, flicking it shut behind me, and ran up the front steps.

I didn't knock when I reached the front door, knowing, _hearing_ in Charlie's and the mongrel's mind, that both of them had heard me arrive. And if Charlie had heard me, so had Bella. No need to knock and further announce my presence. I was far beyond any polite societal propriety at this point.

I focused on the dog's thoughts. I saw his giddy memory of pressing his lips to Bella's, and it took every shred of composure I had in me not to burst through the front door and tear his miserable head off his body, my current fury fueled by utter jealousy. He'd kissed my mate. _My _mate. Her kisses were mine alone. Mine.

I stopped myself from breaking down the front door because I knew that, no matter how upset she might be right now, Bella would not appreciate seeing me like that.

Superior control, complete restraint was what I needed at this moment. As if my body knew, the red hot fury was suddenly replaced by a glacier of icy composure. I took a deep breath to clear my mind and focused only on what Bella would expect and need from me.

From the inside, Bella's soft footfalls echoed; she was walking to the door.

"_This oughta be fun._" The mutt was lounging on the couch in the living room next to Charlie like he belonged there, his face in Charlie's mind a picture of ease. I growled under my breath.

"How's your hand?" Charlie asked Bella, as he saw her pass by the living room door. "_Jake looks too comfy, not worried at all. Sure hope this isn't gonna end in a fight. Though it'd be fun to arrest that damn Cullen boy._"

"It's swelling," Bella answered, her voice conveying both her anger and her pain. Charlie watched her lift the icepack off her hand and replace it a moment later. My breath expelled in a hiss when I saw her small hand, her swollen skin, bright pink from the ice, through Charlie's mind. The sooner I could get her to Carlisle, the better. I would concentrate on that.

"Maybe you should pick on people your own size," he told her smugly.

And maybe the mutt should keep his mouth to himself. Or any other body part he didn't want to lose as of yet. I took another deep breath to keep myself composed. Bella needed me to be in control, strong but gentle, and I would be whatever she needed me to be. Always.

"Maybe," she replied to her father's question, her tone sarcastic, as she started to move again, and finally opened the door.

I deeply inhaled her indescribably fragrant scent, though it was layered with his stench, and I briefly considered asking her to take a shower at my house to wash off the beastly aroma, but I discarded the thought just as quickly. Instead, I chose to simply rejoice to be near her again, ignoring the burn the perfume of her blood engendered in my throat, and took her damaged hand carefully in mine. Having been covered in ice, it felt nearly as cold as my own skin for once.

"Let me see," I murmured and proceeded to very gently move her fingers, prod her bones through the skin and examine her delicate hand, without causing further pain. My two medical degrees allowed me to quickly assess the damage. I could feel a small hairline fracture in one of her knuckles.

"I think you're right about the break," I told her, as I slowly raised her hand up. "I'm proud of you. You must have put some force behind this." Perhaps I should ask Carlisle to run an x-ray on her just to be sure. He had a computerized, transportable machine at home, which he obtained shortly after our return from Italy at my request. Among other things. I'd wanted to be prepared for any further eventualities, knowing the danger Bella attracted like a magnet.

"As much as I have," she sighed. "Not enough, apparently."

I pulled her hand to my lips and softly kissed it, tasting her skin, breathing in her incomparable scent. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, and take her to the car, but there was something I needed to do first.

"I'll take care of it," I promised her, gazing into her expressive eyes. I saw her anger, her pain, and deep down, to my dismay, apprehension. It confirmed to me that while I would be allowed to threaten him with bodily harm, she didn't actually want me to lay hands on the dog. Too bad for me, plain lucky for him.

"Jacob," I called quietly, knowing he would hear me, making my voice just loud enough for Charlie to hear as well.

He eagerly jumped off the couch, avidly hoping for another chance at a confrontation. If that's what he wanted, I'd be glad to accommodate him.

"Now, now," Charlie admonished, as he heaved himself off the sofa and followed Jake to the hall.

"I don't want any fighting, do you understand?" Charlie spoke with the authoritative voice of his position as chief of the police, but stared his warning only at me. He wasn't including the mutt in his cautioning behest, and would be only too happy to see me on the ground. "I can go put my badge on if that makes my request more official."

"_Give me a reason, Cullen, and I'll throw your ass in jail_."

Thoroughly angered by his obvious preference for the damn dog, though I had known it all along, I fought to restrain myself from answering in kind.

"That won't be necessary," I forced out in a temperate tone.

"Why don't you arrest me, Dad?" Bella tried to come to my rescue, knowing me so well that she instantly understood how much effort my outwardly calm demeanor was costing me. "I'm the one throwing punches."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to press charges, Jake?"

"No," the stinking dog grinned, and I was again assaulted with an image of his lips on Bella's mouth. She seemed to be passively enduring his kiss. The horrid memory changed slightly before he spoke, but it still looked as if Bella hadn't returned the kiss. "I'll take the trade any day."

Grimacing, I suppressed the snarl that was quietly rumbling in my chest. The mutt heard it, Charlie did not. The grin grew wider. "_Don't like that, you filthy bloodsucker? Here, look again._"

The pictures now ran in a recurrent loop, and I was treated to a full replay of his face leaning down towards Bella and his lips finding hers. The pictures burned themselves into my brain. He held her chin in his hand, and though he probably hadn't meant for me to see this part, his mind showed me now that Bella had tried to escape him, pushing her hands against his chest. The kiss had been rough, angry, his other hand restraining her on the back of her neck. He _had_ assaulted her. Venom pooled in my mouth, and I locked my jaw, fighting the urge to sink my teeth into him and savagely, painfully rip out his throat.

"Dad, don't you have a baseball bat somewhere in your room? I want to borrow it for a minute," Bella said angrily. As once before, the threat of violence coming from her mouth was so comical, it acted like a balsam to my fury. It helped calm me like it had when I'd found her those many months ago, not a second too soon, in Port Angeles.

Charlie's eyes flew to her face, flashing surprise, though his voice was even when he replied. "Enough, Bella."

"Let's go have Carlisle look at your hand before you wind up in a jail cell," I suggested to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and, without further ado, led her through the still open front door. I ignored Charlie's silent protests.

"Fine," she muttered, still angry, but leaned against me. Her damaged hand was cradled in mine, my cold skin softly pressing into the swollen heat of hers. I gently walked her down the steps towards the car.

With a look at Charlie, the mutt stepped towards the door and followed us. His unexpected move made Charlie anxious. "What are you doing? Are you crazy?"

"Give me a minute, Charlie," the mongrel said nonchalantly. "Don't worry, I'll be right back." He pulled the front door closed, surprising Charlie who moved to the front room so he could keep an eye on the escalating situation.

Did this idiotic, pubescent mongrel have a death wish? Did he not understand that he should only push me so far? Did he _want _to break the treaty? He blocked his thoughts for a moment, and I was unable to see his intentions. His efforts didn't protect him long, young as he was. Immature. Uncontrolled. He wanted to challenge me. Verbally. Very well. I didn't have any issue with that.

I'd walked this earth much longer than he could possibly fathom, and my vast experiences were far superior to his measly sixteen years.

I ignored him until I had helped Bella into the car and closed the door. She leaned through the open window, her fiery eyes burning virtual holes into his skin.

I slowly turned to him with my expression still even, swallowed the venom down my throat, and took a shallow breath through my nose. My lips curled up in distaste. God, he stank atrociously.

Charlie was peeking at us through the curtains, anxious now, wondering if he should step outside to prevent any fighting, equally torn by his gleeful wish that the mutt would land a good punch and his ingrained need to uphold the law. He decided to watch for the moment.

The dog stood at the end of the walkway, trying too hard to look casual, his arms crossed over his chest. His stance exuded more confidence than he actually felt. I briefly wondered why he was putting on a show, when he knew I could read his thoughts. And then I saw the reason. Still trying to impress Bella. That would not do.

I purposefully made my voice velvety and deadly threatening. "I'm not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella."

"Hmph," she muttered behind me in response. I shifted slightly and smiled at her for a moment.

"It would bother you in the morning," I told her, still partially amused by the tiger-kitten growling in my car, and swiftly stroked my fingers across her cheek. Instantly, blood rushing to her face, her cheeks were rosy and hot with her blush. She was so beautiful. It very nearly distracted me and, though I wanted to kiss her right that very minute, I forced myself to turn back to the mutt. I wasn't quite done with him yet.

"But if you ever bring her back damaged again – and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head – if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?" I was slightly leaning towards him by the end, to emphasize my words.

_You got that, you fucking flea bag?_

He rolled his eyes, and his mental response was in tune. "_I'd like to see you try, leech_."

"Who's going back?" Bella grumbled behind me. I smiled for a second, irrationally hoping that she actually meant that, but simultaneously knowing that she didn't.

"And if you ever kiss her again, I _will_ break your jaw for her," I promised fiercely, though my voice was still smooth but deadly, the words more for her benefit than his, because I gladly would have broken every single bone in his body, for no particular reason. More the pity she wouldn't appreciate that.

He shrank back infinitesimally, but caught himself. "What if she wants me to?" he challenged.

"Hah," Bella snorted behind me and I stifled the smile that was threatening to build.

His question didn't bother me, not after seeing in his mind that she had not invited or welcomed his kiss. I shrugged. "If that's what she wants, then I won't object," I said, unconcerned, knowing that Bella's willing kisses were just for me.

I could hardly wait to get her home so I could reclaim her mouth as mine. "You might want to wait for her to _say_ it, rather than trust your interpretation of her body language – but it's your face."

The mutt smirked and his mind was imagining that possibility. That Bella would yield to him and let him kiss her. It fed my jealousy, and I had to fight yet again to stay in control. Outwardly, I was icily calm, inside I had begun to blaze.

"You wish," Bella muttered quietly.

"Yes, he does," I murmured in response, still holding on to control, but wanting to wipe the cocky grin off his face and obliterate his thoughts. My hands twitched involuntarily and I clenched them shut to my side before they could wrap around his throat. I wanted to emasculate him. Perhaps that would teach him to keep his hands and his mouth off my mate.

"Well, if you're done rummaging through my head, why don't you go take care of her hand?" His voice dripped with annoyance, and I was unsurprised to see that he was already contemplating in his mind how to persuade her to leave me, and be with him, unable to stand the thought of me kissing her, touching her.

Bella was my mate, but she was still human. Her feelings were human. Her dreams, her wishes, her hopes were all born out of her humanity. Though she had asked to join me in this endless existence more than just once, I was suddenly, inexplicably, unsure again of her continuous affection. Could she be persuaded by all he had to offer?

Out of the blue and to my great dismay, I abruptly turned into nothing more than a seventeen year old man, fighting my rival for my love.

"One more thing," I said slowly, menacingly, willing him to get it through his obviously thick skull that he needed to account for me in his pathetic little plan. "I'll be fighting for her, too. You should know that. I'm not taking anything for granted, and I'll be fighting twice as hard as you will."

"_Have at it, bloodsucker, see where it gets you_. _She loves you now, but there's so much more I can do with her, more than you ever can._"

"Good," he growled with a sneer, "It's no fun beating someone who forfeits."

The ice of my exterior melted from the burning fire of jealousy, and my composure started to evaporate into little puffs of smoke. The blaze inside me raged higher. I flashed my teeth at him as I fought to suppress another snarl. "She _is_ mine," I snapped viciously, though I kept my voice low, "I didn't say I would fight fair."

"Neither did I," the flea-ridden mongrel snarled back.

The confrontation had turned into an all-out pissing contest, but I didn't care any more. Bella was my mate, and she would stay with me. _Mine. Mine. Mine. _The word bounced through my mind and flooded through my body. She was _mine_!

"Best of luck," I sneered at him.

He had the audacity to nod. "Yes, may the best _man_ win," he threw down the gauntlet.

I bristled at the insinuation. I was more a man than he would ever be. I didn't turn into a hairy, stinking, flea-infested animal. "That sounds about right... pup."

Bull's eye. I was rather pleased with myself when I saw his reaction.

He grimaced, and flinched nearly imperceptibly at the insult I'd just thrown in his face. I smirked at his discomfort, having successfully dismantled his confidence.

I arched an eyebrow, silently challenging him for a come-back. He had none. And so, he shut up, the fight having left him. For now.

Leaning to the side, he smiled at Bella. "I hope your hand feels better soon. I'm really sorry you're hurt." At least he was honest. In his eyes, I could see her turn her face away, and I smiled, too. Her gesture was a bit childish perhaps, but I was glad for it anyway.

Confident that he had received my intended message, I walked away from him then, rounding the car, and climbed into the driver's seat. Starting the engine, I quickly glanced at Bella, who was still somewhat petulantly staring straight ahead through the windshield, refusing to even look at the dog.

As we drove off, I looked at him in the rear view mirror and saw his face crumple in pain, his thoughts no longer cocky or confident. In that moment, I was compelled to see not our differences or our mutual hatred of each other, but what we had in common, both of us terrified at the prospect of losing Bella. He was no longer just a stinking, overgrown mutt, intent on pushing me to my breaking point.

Jacob Black was crying inside.

I could sympathize with his anguish – it was not dissimilar to my own; neither one of us prepared or willing to give her up. I, however, knew without a doubt that I could not live without her. Not ever again. My love for her would never change, never fade away.

His could. He was still young. I hoped, for his own benefit, that one day he'd find a love like the one Bella and I shared. The kind that pushed everything else a rung down the ladder to make room for the one you loved at the very top. Because nothing mattered more.

I turned to my sweet Bella. "How do you feel?"

"Irritated," she grumbled.

I chuckled at the humor of her reply, though she had clearly not intended it to be funny. "I meant your hand."

She glanced at her fingers, still covered by the dishcloth in which she had wrapped the ice to keep the swelling down. "I've had worse."

Images of Bella in the ballet studio, broken, bleeding, flashed through my mind. She'd had _much_ worse. "True," I said, and then frowned with the sudden pain and remorse. She was so fragile, so breakable, that for the very first time, I actually looked forward with excitement to the day when she would be just as indestructible as I. And all the things we'd be able to do together when she was _unbreakable_. My mind spun off into the most delicious, enticing fantasies and my manhood twitched receptively in my pants. I immediately chastised myself for thinking that way. How selfish could I be?

Scanning the thoughts of my family while steering the car down the driveway, I pulled into the garage when we arrived at the house. Jasper was in his room, reading through 'The Art of War', and Alice was busily singing 'The Sounds of Music' in her head, blocking me from whatever she didn't want me to see. Esme was bent over blueprints for the house we owned near Dartmouth to get it set up and ready for the fall.

I was trying to locate Carlisle so I could ask him to look at Bella's hand. I heard him shut the book he'd been reading. "_Alice told me. I'll meet you in the living room_."

I helped Bella out of the car, careful not to jostle her hand, cradled against her chest. I wrapped my arm around her waist to lead her into the house where Carlisle was waiting for us.

"_What the hell... ? Did she trip over a pebble?_" Emmett wasted no time, already amused when he registered the injury.

"Fall down again, Bella?"

Bella's reaction surprised me though it probably shouldn't have. "No, Emmett," she growled, glaring at him, proving yet again that in righteous anger she was unafraid of antagonizing even the strongest of us. "I punched a werewolf in the face."

My brother blinked in shock, for a moment unable to form any coherent sentence, and burst out in roaring laughter. Rosalie grinned smugly from underneath her BMW, only her jeans-clad legs visible to the naked eye. Only Rosalie would do an oil change in designer jeans and high heels. More shopping for Alice, I supposed. "_That's funny, Edward_. _Perhaps I should have bet after all._"

"Jasper's going to win the bet," she said, smirking at me, knowing I would see even if I couldn't see her face. "_Quite a hothead, isn't she? Maybe Jasper was right – that will turn things in his favor, don't you agree_?" Of course, Bella's temper would be the one character trait that Rosalie would admire. I suppressed a grimace.

Emmett had stopped laughing at Rosalie's words and his eyes were studying Bella's fierce expression with sudden interest. "_Maybe I should have bet higher. Damn, she's something else when she's mad. __Remind me not to get on her bad side, Edward_."

"What bet?" Bella asked, stopping in her tracks. I wanted to shout my displeasure at Emmett and Rosalie, but not while Bella could hear. That would give away more than I wanted her to know. I nearly groaned in discomfort.

Emmett was suddenly excited like a small child, wondering what Bella would do if she found out about the stupid bet he'd made with Jasper. "_She doesn't know? Awesome. Anyway, Rosalie already spilled the beans. Can I tell her? Please, can I tell her_?" If he hadn't been holding up the car for Rosalie, he would have been bouncing up and down like a small child who just received a new toy.

"Let's get you to Carlisle," I urged her onward, glancing at Emmett and shaking my head infinitesimally.

Bella turned her eyes to me. "_What bet_?" she asked again, with insistence this time.

"Thanks, Rosalie," I muttered as I pulled Bella towards the house.

"_Anytime, Edward_," she laughed silently. "_As I told you before, you need to give her some credit. She is much stronger than you think, especially if she can stand up to one of those stinking dogs_." I supposed she had a point there, but I really didn't want to think about it yet. Taking care of Bella's injury was more important than to contemplate whether Rosalie was right.

"Edward... ," Bella grumbled low, not letting go of the subject.

"It's infantile," I hedged, shrugging as if unconcerned. "Emmett and Jasper like to gamble."

She wasn't buying it. "Emmett will tell me," she said, trying to turn back. I tightened my grip on her waist a little more, unwilling to let her wiggle out of my arm.

"_She's right, my brother, I will_... _'s not like it's a big secret, is it?_"

I sighed. Fine, then. I would tell her. "They're betting on how many times you... " I hesitated momentarily. How was I going to phrase this without making her feel bad? Was there a way to tell her without agonizing her with the prospect? Kill a human? Suck a human dry? Fall off the vegetarian wagon? Would the very real possibility make her reconsider her choice? Did I want her to? I settled for a somewhat innocent allusion. "Slip up in the first year."

"Oh." Bella's face turned into a grimace as soon as she understood. "They have a bet about how many people I'll kill?"

"Yes," I admitted, highly uncomfortable with the subject, angry with my sister for bringing it up. "Rosalie thinks your temper will turn the odds in Jasper's favor."

Bella swayed minutely, and I tried to steady her. "Jasper's betting high," she stated in such a direct manner that I could only stare at her in awe, wondering where she found the strength to discuss such an unpleasant and morbid subject so easily.

"It will make him feel better if you have a hard time adjusting," I explained the reason behind the bet. "He's tired of being the weakest link." In hindsight, I probably should have kept that to myself.

"Sure. Of course it will," Bella started to ramble, her previous ease all but wiped away. Her heart started beating faster, I could smell her building nervousness in the sudden clamminess of her skin, as she babbled on. "I guess I could throw in a few extra homicides, if it makes Jasper happy. Why not?"

I gently crushed her against me. "You don't need to worry about it now. In fact, you don't have to worry about it ever, if you don't want to." I'd rather die than spent forever without her, but this had to be her choice.

She groaned at my words, knowing exactly what I was talking about. It seemed that she had not given up on her plan, and that she still intended to join me in this existence. The selfish part of me that never wanted to let her go rejoiced, and was immediately shot down by the Edward that insisted on keeping her human. The two opposing desires warred inside me, neither one wanting to give up the fight.

"_Are you coming, Edward_?" Carlisle called silently from the living room. "_Let's get her hand looked at, shall we_?" I quickly pulled Bella into the house.

As soon as we got inside, Carlisle had Bella sit on the couch, while he carefully examined her hand. I sat right beside her, with my arm around her shoulder, and she leaned her head against me.

"Where does it hurt, exactly, Bella?"

She pointed to her knuckle, the same one I had suspected earlier.

"Hm," he said, "I don't think there are any bones broken, but it feels like there may be a small fissure in one of your knuckles. Let's get you upstairs and we'll run a quick x-ray to make certain."

Bella looked at him questioningly. "You have an x-ray machine in the house?"

I automatically froze at the question. With my eyes only, I silently implored Carlisle not to mention that the machine had been purchased just for her. He glanced at me quickly, saw my immobile posture and nodded imperceptibly, as if he was actually reading my mind.

"Yes," he told Bella serenely, "it's just a small, portable one that I use for my studies. It certainly comes in handy today. Shall we?"

Amazingly, she believed him. Or, at least, appeared to. Not that I would know either way, unless she said it out loud. I had pushed against the barrier that shut off her mind from my access so often, I didn't really bother anymore. I had nearly come to terms with the undeniable fact that I would never know what she was thinking in that beautiful head of hers, unless she told me.

I led her upstairs to Carlisle's office and sat her down in the chair in front of his desk. He booted up the computer and accessed the program that he used to run the x-ray.

He moved the machine to his desk, and pulled the lead blanket from the wall closet to protect Bella from the potentially harmful rays of the machine. The pictures of her hand came up shortly afterwards on the monitor. We'd been right. There was a tiny hairline fracture in one of her knuckles.

"See there, Bella? It's right there, in the knuckle. I can put a cast on your hand, if you like, to keep it immobile so it can heal."

"No cast," she shook her head instantly. "What's my other option?"

Carlisle looked at me for a moment, then back at Bella. "Well, I suppose I could give you a brace, but you'll have to promise to wear it at all times. You'll have the use of your fingers, but you still need to be careful not to move them too much. You may remove the brace only when you bathe or shower, so it doesn't get wet, but I will have to insist that you keep it on for at least the next three weeks otherwise."

Bella consented quickly. "Okay, I promise."

"Very well," Carlisle said. "Edward, a size extra small should fit her hand best. There's one in the bottom drawer in my supply cabinet, if you would get it for her, please." He didn't have to ask twice.

I returned in no time at all, and watched Carlisle intently as he expertly but oh so gently fit the brace on her injured hand. I admired my father for his gentleness, for taking so much joy from something that had cost him so much to achieve. I could finally understand why he did it. Meeting and loving Bella had certainly been an eye-opener for me, in more ways than she could possibly imagine. I owed her so much more than my eternal love - she had saved me in so many different ways, I owed her my eternal gratitude and admiration as well.

Bella was silent, and she seemed mentally disconnected from the situation. She flinched a few times, and I anxiously worried aloud each time that she was in pain. "I'm so sorry, Bella, love, I know this must hurt."

"I'm fine, Edward."

Silence. She stared at me unblinkingly. I didn't know what she was thinking, and I didn't know why she was so quiet.

Flinch.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm okay. It's still a little numb from the ice."

More silence. More staring.

Flinch.

"Do you want to take some Tylenol? That might make you feel better. I can run downstairs and get you some water so you can take the medication. Are you thirsty?"

Carlisle smiled at my worrying, his thoughts amused, and Bella joined in the smile for a moment. "Really, Edward, I'm all right."

She lapsed back into silent stares, never taking her eyes off my face. I gave up, willing Carlisle to hurry so I could take her to my room and try to pry out of her what was bothering her.

When he was finally done, I again gently helped Bella up. "Okay, my love, maybe you should rest for a moment. Would you like to go to my room, and perhaps listen to music for a little while?"

Carlisle grinned. "_Smooth, Edward_." He was amused by my not so subtle attempt to be alone with her. Well, as alone as we'd ever be in a house full of vampires. I would have blushed if that had been possible.

Bella nodded, with a sudden brightness in her eyes. "Sure. I'll have to call Charlie to tell him I won't be home for dinner."

"Of course," I agreed. " You can use my phone. And I'm sure we can scrounge up something in the kitchen downstairs if you're hungry. Esme's been very busy stocking all kinds of foods for you."

She frowned. "That's pretty wasteful, considering I'm the only one who'll eat any of it."

Carlisle chuckled. "I think that is the least of her worries. Bella, you know we think of you as family, so please indulge Esme. She just wants to make sure you have everything you might need when you're here."

Bella blushed, and the lovely rosy color in her cheeks heated the air around her. She looked at him, her eyes expressive of her emotions at his words. "Yes, I know. Thank you. And thanks for fixing me up, once again."

I handed her my phone. She quickly dialed and told Charlie that she'd be home later. I heard him grumble, but he didn't forbid her. When she was done, I put the phone back in my pocket.

"Shall we go, then?" I suggested, anxious now on getting her into my room and onto the bed, where I fully intended to kiss her senseless. To hell with the mutt's stink that had rubbed off on her; I had ignored it so far, I could ignore it a little longer.

I half-carried Bella to my room, not wanting to waste any time with human velocity. Kicking the door closed, I buried my hands in her hair and held her head securely. I inhaled her fragrance deeply, letting her exquisite scent hit the back of my throat and burst into flames. As it was usual now, venom didn't flood my mouth. I swiftly swallowed what minute amount had gathered.

Her heart skipped a beat, and then started to race. Her cheeks flushed under my intense gaze, and the heat from her skin wafted in the air between us.

"Sweet Bella, my only love," I whispered feverishly, leaning down to close the gap between our faces, gazing deeply into her eyes, "I've wanted to do this since the moment I picked you up."

With that, I pressed my lips to hers. Her eyes flashed in surprise, but she softly moaned against my mouth, her eyes closed and her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me down towards her. And the carnal beast pulled on the iron chains, and rattled the cage doors. I growled at it, and it slunk back to the corner.

I gently pushed her backwards, stepping with her, not breaking the kiss, until the back of her legs were flush with the bed. At that point, I scooped her up and softly laid her down, settling myself beside her, still moving my lips against the softness of her mouth. I closed my eyes and shut off that sense, focusing only on feeling her, smelling her, tasting her.

My free hand roamed across her small form, up from her legs, around her hip, up her ribcage, daringly brushing my thumb against the side of her soft yet pert mound. Her womanly bud hardened ever so slightly. Bella moaned again, blew out a sweet breath and flicked her tongue over my lips. I opened my mouth just enough and allowed the tips of our tongues to touch.

Fiery electricity charged through me, my hand involuntarily grasped more of her hair, weaving the strands through my fingers. Bella pressed the length of her warm body against mine, and curled her leg between mine.

Deep inside my chest, a rumbled purr of pure pleasure fought its way out, as her knee brushed over my already swelling member. It twitched at the contact, and I had to fight to keep my hips from bucking up against her. The voice of the monster whispered seductively. "_She wants it. Give her what she wants_."

I tried to ignore it.

Bella's breathing became erratic, and I stopped kissing her mouth while she sucked in much-needed oxygen, only to press my lips against her cheek, and laying a line of open-mouthed kisses down to her jaw and the translucent skin on her neck. I inhaled through my nose as I skimmed over the pulsing artery. The fire intensified, but I produced no excess venom.

Her leg moved over my manhood again. It seemed involuntarily, but I wasn't sure. Either way, my erection grew instantly to rock hard status.

I slid my lips lower, trailing over the crook in the neck, the hollow of her throat and gently, with my lips firmly protecting her from my venom-coated teeth, nipped at the delicate skin over her collar bone. Her hands wove into my hair, pulling on the strands, trying to force my head closer to her. Part of me briefly wondered if I was hurting her, but a quick peek at her face let me see her raptured expression. Bella's gasp turned into a mewling whimper, and it was all the encouragement I needed.

"_Yes, yes_," the beast cheered, having gotten up from the corner of the cage, with its hands on the iron bars. "_You see? She wants it, too. Come on, take her. Take her._"

I half-heartedly snarled at the reckless monster again, but my weak effort was utterly ignored. I needed her, wanted her, desired her to an extent that was completely foreign and frightening, yet so exciting that I couldn't find it in me to stop.

I crushed Bella closer against me, and inhaled deeply, without thinking. I was stunned by the heady scent of her arousal, wafting up from her core, and it completely fogged my mind. With a loud moan, I reclaimed her mouth, no longer in full control of my movements. My tongue asked for entrance, which was quickly granted and the dance began in earnest. Bella returned the kiss in force.

My hand started to stroke her back, sliding underneath her shirt and my fingers danced on the bare skin of her back, lightly tracing across each vertebrae, mesmerized by the softness of her hot skin, when I brushed against her bra strap and a finger slid underneath. How easy it would be to tear through the thin piece of fabric and free her from this obstruction. Put my mouth on her hardened buds and run my tongue over them. Taste her. Everywhere.

I was losing control. My innermost desires, my forbidden fantasies popped up in my head, and in my mind's eye, an imaginery Bella was lying naked beneath me, her legs spread open invitingly where I knelt between them, her eyes watching my every move, as I carefully and slowly parted her nether lips, pushed my throbbing, hardened member into her wet, glistening core, and – oh, dear God. The images were utterly overwhelming. The raging fire inside me focused into an vulcanic inferno in my groin. I drew in a ragged breath, forcing unneeded air into my lungs. Waves of unadulterated lust were washing over me.

The carnal beast broke through the chains and burst out of the gate. "_Go, go, go. Make it true. Take her. Yours, yours, yours_."

Before I could obey the monster to completely claim her as mine and, in the process, likely kill her, Bella's stomach loudly rumbled. The sound blew through the fog in my head, eradicated the enticing images, and I was thinking clearly again. I instantly realized that she was hungry, and I was a selfish prick.

I disgusted myself.

As if buckets of ice cold water had been poured over me, the throbbing erection disappeared, the blazing fire extinguished itself. My eyes flew open. Bella and I had been saved by a human need. How utterly ironic.

The beast shrieked angrily, his greedy intentions thwarted once more, and dejectedly returned to its cage.

I broke off the kiss, stilled my movements, and when her eyes opened and I saw the disappointment shining out of the chocolate lakes, I smiled at her crookedly.

"Sorry," I whispered, trying desperately to slow my breathing, embarrassed at my ungentlemanly forward behavior. "My only excuse is that you are simply delectable and I got carried away. Did hurt you?"

_That's not an excuse, Edward_.

"I don't mind, and no, you didn't," she murmured and tried to pull my head down again. The beast looked at me hopefully, persuasively through iron bars.

"No, my love," I resisted, though in that moment I wanted nothing more than to kiss her again and restart the raging blaze. Sweet heaven, she felt so good, she was so desirable, so exquisite. "You're hungry."

I pulled her gently off the bed, and watched her face slip into the familiar pout. I suppressed a laugh.

"Let's hunt up some food for you. What do you say – shall we raid the refrigerator?" I joked, trying my damnedest to break the sexual tension that had spread between us, as I led her down the stairs and into the kitchen.

I just couldn't do this anymore. I obviously had very little control, and my insane urges were overtaking my rational thinking. Could I go back to chaste kisses, and stop myself from wanting more? Knowing that Bella wanted more, too? I wasn't sure, and now was not the time to delve into that. She needed to eat, and that was more important.

Bella was still a little grumpy. "I suppose I should eat. Are you going to feed me?" She blushed adorably when I chuckled at her words.

"Feed you?"

"I mean... uh... are you laughing at me?" She looked at me indignantly.

"Of course not," I assured her quickly, though I actually was doing just that. The question had been so comical coming out of her mouth. "If you want me to feed you, I will. What would you like?"

"Anything I don't have to cook."

"Bella, love" I said with a sigh, "please be slightly more specific. I have no earthly idea what to pick, so I'd appreciate a little help. Come here, sweet girl, and pick what you want." I threw open the refrigerator door, as she walked over to peek around me. I could see that Esme had indeed been very busy at the grocery store.

The shelves were lined with all kinds of disgusting, human food in every imaginable variety. Fruit. Vegetables. Bread. Meat. Cheese. None of it looked in any fashion appetizing, but Bella quickly pulled out a red apple, a bag of baby carrots, and a loaf of bread and put it all on the counter. She ducked her head back into the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of white goo. It, too, was placed on the counter. I scanned the label – ranch dressing. I thought it was odd that she would need that, unless she planned on having a salad. Maybe she did. I had seen some leafy greens in a bag.

"Would you please get me a plate?" Then again, maybe not. I'd only ever seen salad served in a bowl.

I pulled one from the cabinet and held it out to her. "Here you go."

"Just put it on the counter, please," she replied, rummaging through the shelves. I did as I was told and kept watching her, my curiosity growing. She reemerged with the tub of butter and sliced cheese, which she also sat on the counter.

"Knife?" I asked, remembering that she had needed one the other day.

She nodded. "Yes, please."

Feeling rather smug, I pulled one out of the drawer. "Here you are, my love."

She smiled at me as she took it from my hand. "I could get used to this," she said lightly, and then blushed again so adorably.

"So could I," I whispered hoarsely, emotional with joy that she fit in so well, seemed so comfortable in our kitchen, and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. She arched a brow and looked at me questioningly.

"I mean," I tried to explain hastily, "that I would really enjoy you living here, or anywhere you choose, with me. To have you turn _my_ room into _ours_, to hold you every night in my arms, to never be without you."

Bella stared at me without breathing.

"Breathe, my love," I prompted her. She inhaled, never taking her eyes off me.

"Are you serious?" she asked shakily.

"Don't I look serious, Bella? Of course, I am. I've told you at least a thousand times. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of forever with you. Well, that is if you want me to... you know that, don't you?" I said softly. I wanted to sink to my knees and beg her to marry me, right there, right then, because there was nothing I wanted more than for her to be my wife.

She flung her arms around my waist and pressed her head into my chest. "I love you, too. Forever, Edward."

We stood there silently for a long moment, in each others' arms, just enjoying being with each other. Leave it to Emmett to loudly bumble into the house at that inopportune time.

"Hey, what are you two lovebirds up to?" he said, grinning, when he reached the kitchen. "_By the way, Jasper would like you to know that the... emotions you both are constantly radiating have been greatly appreciated by Alice and him. And since he's been hitting us with them, too, Rosie and I second that motion_." He had the audacity to wink at me suggestively.

"I'm glad we could help you all out this way," I replied sarcastically, without stopping to think through what I was saying. "I've had to bear with all of you for decades."

Bella looked up at me, searching my face. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," I murmured, suddenly embarrassed. I probably should've kept my mouth shut. If I were to tell her what Emmett had just thought she'd be mortified.

"Edward," Bella drew out my name, insisting on an answer. I sighed. She knew me too well, it seemed, and had noticed the embarrassment in my expression. Much too perceptive, sometimes.

"All right," I said reluctantly, "but don't say I didn't warn you. You know how Jasper can _feel_ everyone's emotions?" I looked at her and arched one eyebrow, unwilling to say the words out loud. That he had felt our passion we had shared with each other just a little while ago.

It took but a moment. "Oh," Bella gasped as understanding flashed in her eyes, and her face turned beet-red. "_Oh._" She buried her heated face in my chest. "I didn't think of that," she whispered. "Does he... you know... do that... every time?"

I tucked her head under my chin, and pulled her tightly against me, not really sure how to answer her question. "Yes," I admitted finally, "if he's nearby, he does."

"And the others? They can hear us?"

Again, I answered honestly. "If they're here." Bella shuddered in my arms, and though I didn't think it possible, her face burned even hotter against my shirt.

I glared at Emmett. "Thanks a lot," I mouthed at him.

He shrugged, unconcerned. "_So what? I can't believe she hadn't figured that out already_."

With an urgent need to alleviate her mortification, I pulled Bella's face up by her chin with my finger and gazed into her eyes. Her creamy skin was blazing. "Sweetheart, please don't be ashamed or worried or embarrassed. With our enhanced abilities, there simply is no possibility of anything being secret in this house – all we can do is accept each other for who and what we are. And you have been more than accepting all this time. Why change that now? Bella, I waited for you for eighty-seven long and lonely years. No one here begrudges us what we feel for each other, and you know – you _have_ known for quite some time – how exceptionally happy you have made me, and in turn, my whole family." Well, perhaps with the exception of Rosalie.

And with that, I gently kissed her lips, and then hugged her to me. I leaned my forehead against her. She melted into my chest, but her eyes never left mine. And the love I saw shining in those gorgeous chocolate lakes was unbelievably and overwhelmingly equal to what my frozen heart, my entire being, felt for her.

Emmett retreated when I quietly told him to get lost, holding up in hands in a peace offering gesture. "_Okay, I'll go now. I guess I'd better head back to the garage, anyway_."

I let Bella go, and turned her back to the forgotten food on the counter. "Let's get you fed, my love." She consented silently by taking the knife and spreading the now softened butter onto a slice of bread, then covering it with two slices of cheese. The open-faced sandwich went onto the plate, and she opened the bag of carrots, putting a few onto the plate as well. I watched her intently, committing to memory everything she was doing.

Bella grabbed the bottle of dressing and poured a small amount onto the plate next to the carrots. I was wondering what she was going to need that for, when she picked up one of the orange sticks and dipped it into the goo before popping it into her mouth.

Interesting. She returned everything else to the ice box and sat down at the counter.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked her, noticing that she hadn't pulled anything out with the food.

"I'll have a glass of milk," she answered, and started to get up.

"I'll get it for you," I offered and went over to the refrigerator to pull out the plastic bottle with the white liquid sloshing inside. I went through the cabinets until I found a glass and put it next to her, then poured a generous amount of milk into it.

"Thank you," she said, between bites of carrots and sandwich. I stared at her small mouth, chewing the food, and wondered worriedly if she was eating enough.

"Are you sure this is enough food?" I put my concerns into words. She nodded, chewing another carrot dripping with a glob of dressing.

"Mm-hmm."

"It doesn't look like much," I persisted. She glared at me, picking up the glass and drinking a seemingly tiny sip of milk.

"There's plenty more food," I tried again.

"All right," she said with a little smile, sounding just a tad exasperated. "Time for the vampire to find something else to do while I finish my dinner. Go find Emmett or Alice or someone else to occupy you until I'm done."

I laughed at being so blatantly dismissed. "Why, yes, ma'am, I'll do that." I knew I'd worn out my welcome for now, and with a quick kiss to her cheek, and a deep inhale of her deliciously fragrant scent, I reluctantly left the room to let her eat in peace.

Perhaps, a conversation with Emmett was in order, considering the very awkward subject he'd brought up earlier. Perhaps he needed a subtle reminder not to do that again. I also needed to make plans for one of them, probably Emmett, to watch over Bella tonight while I took the car back home.

As I reached the door to the garage, Rosalie stepped inside the house. She looked at me hesitantly.

"_Edward, can I please talk to you for a moment_? _Privately?_"

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed "Challenges". I know I left you with a little cliffhanger, but please bear with me. I'll get the next one up as quickly as possible. Also, I would very much appreciate it, if you could click on the green button and let me know what you think of this chapter. Thank you!!


	15. Passages

**Author's Note:** As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, all conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are based on the Twilight Saga.

This 15th chapter is called "Passages". It consists of entirely of made up dialogues and scenes, but is of course still based on the events of the 3rd book. Rosalie requests a meeting with Edward, and to his utter astonishment, proceeds to tell him off, as well as reveal that she understands his suffering, but doesn't understand why he's willing to suffer so. I chose the chapter name after a suggestion from my FF Buddy, _Bitter Shade_ (you rock, girl) to convey that Rose goes through a significant change. Her growth, her passage from insufferable shrew to merely irritating at times is the true message of this chapter.

I know I've far exceeded my usual update time. I don't really have much of an excuse. RL was taking up much of my time, and this chapter was difficult to write. Not only wasn't my muse cooperating, the emotions in this chapter are also all over the place (Edward's 200 mile an hour mood swings), and it was a little draining. I hope you stuck with me though, and will enjoy the fruits of my long labor to bring this to you.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

**15. Passages**

Evening.

I stared at Rosalie, stunned by her request to speak to me. In private. She returned my look with a smirk.

"_What, Edward? Too much to ask_?"

"Actually, no." I shook my head. "I suppose I am surprised, as you might imagine. What brought this on?"

"_There are some things I'd like say to you, but I'd prefer having this conversation without any eavesdroppers, if possible_."

I lowered my voice to a whisper, and decided to test her sincerity.

"Perhaps tonight, after I take the car home. If you are agreeable to watch over Bella during that time."

"_That sounds reasonable_."

I was stunned again. For Rosalie to agree to my condition, what she wanted to discuss had to be something of utmost importance. Or something I should dread with terror. She saw the look of disbelief flit across my face. Reaching out, she softly put her hand on my arm and squeezed it momentarily.

That shocked me even more, so much so that I nearly recoiled. Rosalie _never_ touched anyone but Emmett if there was any way to avoid it. She looked at me, and I could see nothing but honesty and sincerity in her mind.

"_Look_, _Edward, I know I've been a bit... shrewish about your relationship with Bella. And some other things. That's actually part of what I want to talk about. Just not here. Not with everyone around_."

I was intrigued, to say the least. Not that I disagreed with her self-assessment. Her scathing attitude towards Bella, and ultimately me, for falling in love with Bella, had been a source of constant hurt to my love, and I would relish the opportunity to let Rosalie have a piece of my mind about that.

And most shockingly, I hadn't seen this request coming. Not at all. There had been nothing in her mind giving me any indication that she would want to speak to me.

Voluntarily.

"All right. Be in the woods behind Bella's house at nine. I'll take the car home and run back, and then we can talk."

She nodded, and her lips moved upwards in a small smile. "_Thank you_." With that, she brushed past me and flitted upstairs to her room.

So very curious.

I went back to the kitchen to check on Bella. She swiveled the barstool to smile at me where I stood at the door, then bit into the apple.

"Hi," I said softly, smiling crookedly. "May I come in? I miss you."

She swallowed, then laughed. "Edward, you were only gone for a few minutes."

"That is much too long to be away from you, as far as I'm concerned," I said a little too theatrically and gazed into her eyes which glazed over nearly instantly, and a blush spread across her cheeks. Bella giggled.

I put my hands next to her on the back of the barstool. Smiling, I bent down to her neck and nuzzled at the sensitive area underneath her ear, inhaling her scent, marveling in the dry fire that burned my throat, but didn't prompt any bloodlust.

Pressing my lips to the hollow of her throat, I thought about tasting her with my tongue, but didn't dare, noticing how instantly my manhood twitched at the thought. Bella's small moan wasn't helping matters. Yes, best not to do anything stupid.

"Are you almost finished with your dinner, love?" I whispered against her skin, raising tiny goosebumps with my cold breath, shamelessly marveling in her reactions to my ministrations.

"Mmm," she murmured absently, "almost." I raised my head up to let her finish eating, and she groaned quietly.

"I didn't give you permission to stop," she muttered, and I chuckled. She glared a little, entirely oblivious to what she was doing to me.

She was a natural seductress, but had no idea of her power over me. I feared the day she would knowingly use her seductive powers on me, certain I'd be utterly lost and would likely succumb quickly. As slippery as my control had been lately, it wouldn't take much on her part to achieve my complete surrender.

And surrender I would, without a doubt. I wanted to make love with her so badly; my whole body was burning with unfilled desire for her, but I had resigned myself to wait until after her change. Which, in that entirely selfish aspect alone, couldn't come soon enough. Only matrimony had to come sooner.

"I was wondering," I told her, "do you want to stay for a little while longer?"

She smiled. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, we still have an hour or so before I should take you home, and twilight is descending, so I was thinking maybe we could sit on the porch for a while? Maybe just talk a little?"

It felt a tiny bit strange to have to plead with her for some alone time. Hell, not that we'd be alone in the common sense of the word, unless my family suddenly decided to jump ship and leave the house, but as they were currently otherwise occupied with their various pursuits, sitting on the porch with Bella, watching the daylight disappear into the night, would be as close as we could get to time alone. And we didn't often get a chance to just be with each other, to just... be.

She jumped off the chair and tossed the half-eaten apple onto the plate. "I'd like that," she smiled and took my hand, pulling me out of the kitchen.

I was pleasantly surprised at her eagerness, and grabbed my leather jacket on the way out to prevent her from getting cold. Bella frowned just a little when I held the jacket out to her, but she put it on without arguing.

On the front porch I sat down with my legs stretched out in front of me. She flopped down next to me and leaned against me. I slowly pulled her down, so her head was cradled in my lap. Her hair fanned out over my legs, and I gently combed through the strands with my fingers.

We sat there quietly, enjoying each other's company in silence for a long time. It was peaceful, and the threats of Victoria, the newborn army and whoever had been in Bella's room momentarily seemed far removed and utterly unimportant. For that long moment nothing else mattered but that the two of us were together, and shared this incredible, unexpected, never-ending love.

"How was your afternoon?" she asked, smiling. "Did you catch any mountain lions?" She sounded genuinely interested, and I nearly let an answer slip from my lips until I remembered the disaster that had been that particular hunt. So I kept it vague instead.

"Yes, I did, actually, but I missed you." I had absolutely no intention of telling her any more about my latest hunting trip, or the complete loss of composure I had experienced. I was still reeling inside from my actions, shamed and utterly disgusted with myself at the savage beast that had exploded out of me, fed by my seething jealousy of the stinking half-animal that I had to allow to keep Bella company.

"I missed you, too," Bella murmured, and I was happy again. I kept running my fingers through her hair, my other hand interlacing with hers, resting on her stomach.

We fell silent again, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It felt comfortable, comforting. So completely right. It felt like I could have sat there with her for days and it wouldn't have been enough. I craved her, needed her to an extent that I couldn't imagine a point in time where it would ever be enough.

I thought of our graduation looming ahead of us, in just a few days. Would she run to Carlisle immediately afterwards and hold him to his promise? Would he deny her, try to delay her, because of the threat we faced from the neophytes in Seattle? Ensuring that, if she decided to go through with her choice, that she didn't do so out of fear? I thought so, but I needed to make sure.

Perhaps I should talk to Carlisle, and tell him about my proposal... well, in actuality, to call it was it was... my conditional acceptance of her choice, and ask him to find a way to give me more time. I still hadn't figured out when and how to propose to Bella properly. I needed some time with her alone, a day or a night where it would be just the two of us, with no one else around. And I really wanted to take her to the meadow again. We had confessed our love to each other there, and I thought it the perfect setting for asking Bella to marry me. With a ring in hand, and on bended knee, professing my eternal love for her, and promising her forever, like I should have the first time.

That particular fantasy had been playing in my mind ever since I'd so badly bungled it up the first time on the night after we returned, after our miraculous escape from the Volturi clutches, where I'd seen a vision in Alice's mind of Bella, dressed in white, with a long veil, walking towards me on her father's arm.

It was a fantasy that overshadowed all others - to propose to Bella in a romantic setting, promise her my love forever, and have her accept my mother's ring. Not a day went by when this fantasy wasn't flitting through my mind.

But with the newborns so close to home and Victoria still alive somewhere too close for comfort, it would be sheer insanity to take her to the meadow now. Much too dangerous. Alice still hadn't seen anything new from either the newborns or the vengeful vampire intent on murdering my Bella. They were still using the limitations in Alice's ability. No decisions had been made on their end, and until then, Alice wouldn't be able to tell us for certain what we'd find or what their intentions were.

And the fight to eliminate them was also still looming ahead, just a few days after graduation. Perhaps that would be the excuse Carlisle could employ - that our plans to go to Seattle next week meant she'd have to wait until afterwards to be changed, because we were all going. I'd be damned, more than I already was, if I would allow her to be alone while she writhed and screamed in the searing pain of her transformation.

Damn - that sure didn't give me much time at all to plan and arrange a proper proposal. Perhaps I could ask Alice for help. As excited as she was about it, having already ordered a wedding dress, I was fairly certain the little pixie would be delighted to assist me in obtaining my heart's desire, frozen as it may be.

"Are you excited about graduation?" I asked Bella after a while.

She looked at me, her facial expression a little wistful and, at the same time, apprehensive. "I guess so," she said slowly. "I'm a little excited, I suppose. Primarily about what happens afterwards."

I kept my face smooth at her reference to the promise she had elicited from Carlisle after our return from Italy. Her words confirmed that I really needed to talk to him.

"Have you decided then?" I blurted out, holding my breath while waiting for her response.

"About what?" she muttered, averting her eyes.

I exhaled slowly because I knew that face. She was being intentionally obtuse.

"You know what I mean," I said, a little sharper than I meant to.

"I'm still thinking about it," Bella replied softly after a moment, her eyes searching mine.

I smiled a little. I could live with that answer. For now. It meant that I still had an opportunity to convince her, still had a chance that she would want me to change her, and agree to my condition. And if I was honest with myself, I really wanted it to be_ my_ venom that would initiate the transformation. It would make her belong to me in an essentially crucial way. To make a choice on my end honoring her own choice would seem like the ultimate gift to my wife. One, that though selfish to the umpteenth degree, I would gladly give. It would mean to never again have to let her go.

I'd be her husband, and she'd be my wife, and we would stay that way for all eternity. Nothing would be able to tear us apart.

Wife. I really liked the sound of that word. My wife. Mrs. Cullen. Mrs. Edward Cullen.

Sheer longing for that title to be truly hers flooded my entire body and fogged my brain. I shook my head to clear my mind.

It would also buy me more time. Or so I hoped. Perhaps she'd get that human year at college. We hadn't talked about it since her acceptance to Dartmouth came through, though I had nearly come to terms with the fact that Bella's obstinacy would eventually win out. Not only would she not accept the family money to pay for her tuition, she would become one of us, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Alice's visions hadn't changed in that aspect. I'd just last week asked her that question again, and the image of Bella as a vampire was still clear as day.

Silence descended again. I moved my fingers to her face and starting to gently stroke them across her forehead, her cheeks, her jawline. The skin was soft, and when her blood flushed underneath it, the heat warmed my fingertips. Her scent intensified. The fire burned but I produced no venom.

Bella closed her eyes for a moment, her eyelids a pale lavender color, her long, dark lashes brushing against her cheeks. I leaned down to kiss her forehead.

Breathtaking - there was no other word.

"This is nice," she said eventually, staring at the tree line, and the shadows that grew longer on the front lawn.

"Yes, it is," I agreed. Bella turned her head and looked up at me. I held her gaze, and thought again how lucky I was to have her. For as long as she would have me. Forever, if that was what she had in mind. The selfish part of me wanted forever, her soul be damned - literally - and the terror of losing her ran bone-deep.

And every day I was fighting that unforgivable selfishness, because Bella deserved so much better.

Bella must have seen something in my face that I wasn't aware of. "Are you all right?" she asked.

Was I? I thought about that for a moment.

Apart from my upsettingly selfish and greedy musings about marriage and her change, I was still angry with the dog, and furious with myself for not protecting her from his unwelcome advances. And naturally, wrestling with the green-eyed hag of jealousy who just this afternoon had gained the upper hand.

"Not entirely," I answered honestly.

She raised her uninjured hand to gently curl around my face, her eyes growing concerned. "What is it, Edward?"

"I'm not sure that I should tell you this," I said hesitantly, leaning into her hand. "I suppose I am still upset with what you had to endure today."

Bella waved her braced hand for a moment. "What? This? It's nothing, really."

"How can you say that?" I retorted hotly. "You're injured. You're hurt. He basically assaulted you, and I wasn't there to protect you."

Bella laughed once. "He didn't hurt me intentionally. I should have known not to punch him. His face is really hard." Her tone was dismissive.

As usual, she tried to take the fault onto herself. I wasn't having any of that.

"But the fact alone that you felt you _had _to punch him," I disagreed throught clenched teeth. "If I'd been there with you, this wouldn't have happened."

My eyes were blazing, I was so furious with myself for letting her go to visit. And fool that I was, I had actually delivered her to the flea-ridden, manipulative dog myself. I should have followed my instincts and driven off with her as soon as I'd heard what he was thinking.

Bella scrutinized my expression. "You know what he told me, don't you?" She stared at me inquisitively, stroking her fingers over my cheek.

I leaned my head further into her hand with a small moan. The warmth of her hands on my skin was so amazingly pleasant. I was still awed by how very nearly alive it made me feel. And how her willing touch managed to calm me down.

"Not his exact words, but I do know what he intended to say, yes. I heard his thoughts when I dropped you off." Again, I was honest. I wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know.

"So I don't need to tell you?" she asked, her eyes never leaving mine. Her heart rate increased slightly. I wondered if that meant that she didn't actually want me to know, so I gave her an opportunity to keep this to herself.

"I always want to hear everything you have to say, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I told her sincerely.

Bella smiled a small smile. "Okay. It was rather boring, actually. He slept for most of the time I was there."

I didn't say anything, just held her eyes, trying to read her facial expressions, decipher the emotions through the chocolate lakes that were her eyes.

"So, I watched TV while he snored," Bella continued. "He was out for while, a few Emerils," she snickered at the small joke. My eyes stayed locked with hers, but I could feel the tension building inside me. I wondered, feared, agonized, that she would say the words.

"He woke up eventually, and then he told me that he is... " She broke off, and her hand fell into her lap. She lifted her head and raised herself up to crawl into my lap. I opened my arms and she settled into my embrace, burying her face against me. It disturbed me in a very petulant way that she had broken our eye contact.

"I wanted to leave then," she talked into my chest. "I told him I didn't feel that way for him, and he said that was okay, but he wanted me to know anyway. I said I loved _you_, and that I thought of him only as family."

Bella's heart rate increased and her voice dropped to a whisper. "And then he kissed me. Edward, I didn't want him to, but I couldn't pull away." I tightened my arms around her and tried to comfort her, feeling her distress.

"I know, sweetheart, I saw that part in his mind. It's all right. You don't have to tell me any more," I said in a gentle voice, while the raging fire of jealousy burned inside me. I would have gladly torn him apart at this moment. Or any other moment.

"It was rather obnoxious of him to do that to you," I told her, my brows furrowed.

To my surprise, she giggled at my words and lifted her head to look at me, mirth in her eyes. "That's the word I used. I called him a pushy, obnoxious, moronic dog."

I chuckled. "Did you really?"

"Yes, I did. Well, I punched him first, and realized I'd only hurt myself." She sounded quite proud of herself, as well as a little disgruntled, and I leaned down to kiss her temple. She was so beautiful when she smiled, and I adored her.

"You did well, then," I assured her. "But I am sorry about your hand. Does it still hurt?"

"Not much. The brace helped a lot, and the swelling has started to go down."

"Maybe you should take some Tylenol, after all. Come on, let's go back inside and get you taken care of." I lifted her into my arms and jumped up.

"I can walk, Edward," she grumbled half-heartedly. "And I really don't want any pain killers. You know they tend to make me loopy."

"I know you can walk," I whispered in her ear, ignoring the other comment. "But if I let you walk, I wouldn't be able to do this." With that, I lightly licked her earlobe with just the tip of my tongue. She tasted even better than she smelled. I wanted to lick her again. So I did.

Bella gasped, and I laughed. Her eyes flew to my face, shining with silent amusement.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, you are certainly in a good mood again."

"That's because you make me utterly happy, Miss Swan."

"Are you going to put me down now?"

I pretended to think about that for a moment. "No," I said with a wide smile, "I don't believe I will. I find that having you in my arms is the much preferable scenario."

She giggled and kissed my nose. "Is that so?"

"Hm-mm," I nodded. "Is that all right with you?"

"I guess I could endure it for a while longer," she grinned at me and snuggled herself closer to my chest. I laughed again.

"Why, thank you, kind lady."

I crossed the living room and sat down in one of the easy chairs, pulling her tightly against me, and started nuzzling the delicate skin behind her ear, drawing in a deep breath, sending flames down my throat purposely. "God, Bella, you smell so good, so amazingly good," I fervently whispered against her neck.

"Don't I stink right now?" she asked me, reminding me of what I had told her the first time she went to see the mutt.

"Yes, but only very little," I answered lightly with a small shrug of my shoulders, "and I'm perfectly capable of ignoring it for now. Besides, your own irresistible scent overpowers most of it."

"My blood, you mean?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing into two crooked lines.

I looked at her sharply, scrutinizing her face, wondering why she was upset with what I said. That wasn't what I meant at all. Did she still think that it was hard for me to resist, that the pain it engendered continued to make our closeness difficult for me? I thought momentarily about telling how much, how absolutely that had changed, how my entire being blocked every predatory instinct I might have had around her in the past. Every cell in my body disavowed the temptation of her blood. I decided against it quickly. There would be a better time to explain this to her.

"No," I shook my head with a crooked smile, "though that is part of it, of course. But there's much more to how you smell to me – your skin, your hair – your scent is like hundreds of bouquets of blooming freesias, mixed with fields of the most succulent fresh strawberries. I am very partial to the scent of your shampoo. And your fragrance is laced with my own scent. It's hard to explain, really... ," I didn't have enough words to describe her fragrance. It was utterly indescribable. She only smelled that way to me.

Bella seemed appeased. She turned her head slightly and made a show of inhaling against my chest. "You're not so bad yourself, you know," she teased.

I laughed again, thoroughly enjoying our easy banter. "So you tell me," I snickered. I carefully nibbled on her earlobe, pulling my lips over my sharp teeth, and then kissed the translucent skin over her pulsing artery.

"Mmm," I murmured, "do you have any concept of how much I love you?"

"I think I have a good idea," she smiled, "if you love me as much as I love you."

"Oh, that's too bad," I teased her, with my eyebrows raised, "I was hoping you might need more convincing. I wasn't quite finished kissing you."

"Well, in that case," Bella said quickly, "I think I will need a lot more convincing." She twisted in my arms and pressed her lips to mine. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Her hands wound into my hair, and her nails gently scraped against my skin. Ah – the sensations her trailing nails evoked inside me were like electricity, like fire, like pure pleasure. I didn't want to stop, but I was mindful of the time.

And my twitching manhood. Goddamn it, the need and hungers she had unleashed in me were boggling my mind. Every time I was close to her, I was in a state of semi-arousal. I had to find a way to do something about it. Somehow. Maybe I should take Carlisle's advice.

Ugh. No. I couldn't even imagine doing that.

I leaned back against the chair and tucked her head under my chin. "Unfortunately, it's getting late, my love. I wish you could stay longer, but I'd rather not antagonize your father. Let me take you home."

Bella sighed. "I don't want to go home yet."

"I know, love, but I promise I'll be back in record time to hold you safely in my arms all night."

"Yeah, you're right," she still grumbled a little when I stood up and set her feet carefully on the floor.

I walked her to the car, and helped her climb in. I shut the Volvo's door before I called out to my sister, without mentioning her name.

"I'm taking Bella home now." I spoke normally, knowing she would hear me.

"_I'll see you soon, then_," she thought, and stood up to open the door to her room to come down the stairs.

Emmett answered at the same time. "Oh, sorry man, I got side-tracked. Did you want me to watch her, Edward?"

"No, not tonight, Emmett," I answered him, smiling in anticipation at his reaction when he realized Rosalie would handle the watch tonight.

"Where are you going, babe?" Emmett asked, surprise in his voice, as his eyes followed Rosalie walking out of the room.

"I'll be back soon. Just stay here, okay? I'm... just helping Edward tonight. Keeping an eye on Bella while he brings the car home. I figured it was my turn," she told him with half a smile, looking back over her shoulder.

The look on Emmett's face was priceless. He was so flabbergasted that he was unable to form a coherent thought until Rosalie had shut the door behind her. "What the hell?" he said to himself, but did as she had bid him.

I chuckled quietly, as I pulled the Volvo out of the garage, and drove slowly down the long, winding driveway. Bella looked at me curiously, but I just shook my head. "It's nothing. Emmett was being unintentionally funny."

"Oh," she said simply, with a grin. "He reminds me of a big teddy bear, sometimes," she added wistfully. "He's almost like the big brother I never had."

I looked at her. "I think he'd really like that, if he knew."

"Oh, I can't tell him that," she said quickly, her face heating up as the blood rushed into her cheeks. "Too embarrassing."

"I'd have to disagree," I told her, smiling, "Emmett actually likes you a lot. He thinks of you as his little sister already."

The blush in Bella's face intensified, and the heat she was radiating warmed me to my core. "Really?"

"Yes, my love, really," I assured her. "The whole family loves you. You're part of us now. I meant what I said earlier, sweetheart. They love you for who you are, and they love you for how happy you have made me. You are my sunshine, my love, my life, my everything. You make me want to be everything you want and need. They all remember my utter loneliness, my self-imposed solitude, and they would do anything for you – because I love you, and because you love me."

"I do," she whispered. "I do love you, Edward. So much."

"As I love you." I said softly, and reached out to take her uninjured hand in mine. I stroked my thumb across the tender skin of her hand.

Bella pulled our entwined hands up to her face and kissed the back of mine.

I was overcome with my love for the fragile, human girl beside me, wondering again how I had gotten so exceptionally lucky to have found her.

The drive to Bella's house ended quickly. I picked up Rosalie's mental signature when I turned the corner to Bella's street. She was already in position.

I could hear Charlie inside, the TV volume turned down. He'd been waiting impatiently for Bella's return, though it wasn't past her curfew yet, and was listening for the sound of my tires on the gravel. He moved to the window when he heard us arrive, peeking out through the curtains.

I walked quickly, albeit at human velocity, around the car to open her door and helped her get out. We walked hand in hand to the front door, where I took her face in both of my hands and leaned down to kiss her good-bye.

"I'll be back very soon," I promised in a whisper. "You don't have to wait up for me. I will come back as quickly as I can, I promise. One of us will be watching over you while I'm gone. Don't be afraid."

"I'm not scared, Edward," she assured me, her whisper quiet and even. "I know there's stuff you have to do."

I wrapped her in my arms, and let her melt into the embrace. Bella clung to me as I softly kissed her lips. "Good night, Bella," I said loud enough for Charlie to hear. "Sweet dreams."

"Good night, Edward," she replied, before turning to walk inside. I waited until she had firmly shut the door before rushing back to my car. Before I was all the way in my seat, I had my cell phone by my ear to call Rosalie.

"Hello?"

"I just dropped her off, as you might have heard. I'm leaving now, and I'll be back shortly."

"Thanks, Edward, I appreciate it."

"The pleasure's all mine," I said before hanging up. I pressed my foot on the gas pedal and raced home, at twice the legal limit. I could hardly wait to find out what Rosalie wanted to discuss with me. I still had no inclination of her intentions at all. My whole family had over the years gotten rather good at blocking their thoughts, keeping to themselves what they didn't want me to know.

It was usually not frustrating or irritating to me – I knew that my extra ability didn't often allow them the privacy they deserved, so I didn't begrudge them the various ways they had devised to keep me out of their minds. In this particular moment, though, I would have liked to know in advance what this talk would be about.

Rosalie had irritated me from the moment Carlisle had brought her home after he found her, bleeding and broken in the streets of Rochester, the innocent victim of her despicable fiancé and his fiendish friends.

The irritation had been entirely mutual from the moment she woke up to this life, and our relationship hadn't improved much in the decades since. I knew she loved us all fiercely and protectively, but we simply didn't like each other most of the time. Rosalie still grieved for all she had lost in the transformation, though finding and loving Emmett had mellowed her vindictive streak somewhat.

So it was with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension that I was running through the woods, back to Bella's house. She probably wanted to yell at me for a while, and had asked for this clandestine meeting because it would be out of Carlisle's earshot.

Rosalie was waiting in the deep shadows of the treeline, staring at the house and the lit windows of the first floor. Her mind was... silent. She was blocking me. I smoothed my face to a calm mask, as I slowed down from the full-blown run and walked up to her. She looked at me, keeping her expression as smooth as mine.

I could hear the TV from the living room, and Bella in the bathroom upstairs. Everything was fine inside, it seemed. I turned my attention to my sister.

"Okay," I said, steeling myself. "Since I have no idea what you want to talk about – let me have it."

She smiled slightly, just from the corners of her mouth. "Thank you for giving me the opportunity, Edward," she began, "I'm not sure I deserve it."

I smirked. That was usually my line. "Don't worry about it."

"Well, that is partially what I wanted to talk about." She didn't continue, and I looked at her encouragingly. I was utterly intrigued at this point, impatient to find out what she had to say. She was still blocking me from accessing her thoughts.

"Yes?"

Rosalie dropped her gaze to the ground in front of her. "I know I haven't been entirely fair to you. Or to Bella."

What?

I waited silently, completely agreeing with her statement, but I wanted to see where she was going with this. She took a deep breath.

"Okay, here goes. Edward, I think that you're making a mistake, letting her see the dog," she said, rushing through the words, without looking at me. "I heard what you said to Carlisle this afternoon. You were yelling quite loudly, and... I don't know what Carlisle said to you, though, and it doesn't matter, I just think that you should keep her away from that stupid mutt. I know you have these masochistic tendencies," and she glanced at me at that, "but please don't risk what you found with Bella. Don't make us leave again, don't tear this family apart. I hate to admit it, but you finding Bella made our family complete. I know I sound like Esme right now, and I will hunt you to the ends of the earth if you even breathe a word of this to anyone." She glared at me from underneath her eyelashes.

I couldn't help but grin at the threat, though I knew how much it had to cost her to share her feelings with me.

"_Are you laughing at me_?"

"I'm terribly sorry," I said earnestly and wiped the grin off my face. "Please continue." She shot me another look, but went on.

"Look – I still don't understand how Bella could possibly choose this life, this existence, but she is your mate, and I guess that doesn't really give her a choice; she'd want to be with you forever. When you first fell in love with her, I thought it was just selfishness, an egotistical need that drove you to stay with her, and then to return to her – that is an emotion I can understand, and it was my own jealousy that made me dislike her, at least initially. When you made us all leave, I turned my hatred on you, for what you were doing to us, to the family. Emmett missed you terribly and just hung around morosely all day, and Esme was so sad and depressed for so long, and Carlisle buried himself in work, and Jasper and Alice... , Alice... " She broke off, stifling a sob, and lifted her mournful eyes to my face. Her face looked torn.

"_No_, _that's for Alice to tell..._"

I wasn't precisely certain what she was hinting at. What did Alice have to tell me? In that context? I knew that my family had been for the most part devastated when we left Forks, and even more so when I hadn't gone with them.

I'd been consumed with tracking Victoria, and otherwise wallowing in self-imposed misery. When Rosalie called me in Rio, I hadn't been able to consciously remember my last hunt. Or what animals I'd fed on. It seemed that their pain had gone deeper than they'd let me see. Perhaps this was a conversation I needed to have with Alice. We'd talked shortly after we had returned to Forks, but not in depth. In a way, I'd been avoiding the subject, afraid actually to bring it up.

"I'm not saying I'm happy with your choice in mate," Rosalie continued her monologue, "but I know it wasn't a choice, really, for neither of you. I know how our mating works; I just couldn't believe that you had fallen for Bella, not with how you were handling things, running off to Alaska like you did – and I thought she was just a phase, a distraction. I didn't see her for what she was. I just saw that you were putting us all in danger."

I clearly remembered the fight in our dining room after Bella's accident with Tyler's van, when I had put myself in her power completely, horrified at the possibility of losing her. Rosalie had been adamant that Bella needed to be silenced, and I had fought her plans fiercely, until Alice's shocking revelation. That I was in love with Bella.

Rosalie wasn't finished yet. "I didn't allow myself to see what you had found and then you confirmed my now incorrect suspicion when you made us all leave. I didn't realize any of this until my stupid phone call to you, and you ran off to Italy and with your flair for the dramatic, pulled a Romeo. And even then I kept running from that realization, thinking you had simply lost your mind." Rosalie inhaled deeply.

"_Sometimes I'm still not convinced that you are entirely sane_."

"What changed?" I asked her quietly, utterly shocked at her confession, and ignoring the snarky mental comment. "What convinced you?"

She met my gaze balefully. "When you let her see that stinking dog. Drove her there yourself."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What?"

"Don't be such an idiot, Edward. You know exactly what I mean. What convinced me is that you would risk losing her with this tolerance bullshit you've been spewing. You love her. I know that now. But there's a chance that you will lose her unless you put a stop to this. You must keep her away from the dog," she spat, rolling her eyes as if to reinforce her point, and our civility during this discussion deteriorated rapidly.

"That convinced you?" I asked scathingly.

"Yes. But if you keep following this path, you are risking not only her life, but yours as well."

"And what makes you such an expert, Rosalie?" I seethed at her. Rosalie's face contorted in anger.

"I'm not claiming to be an expert," she snapped right back, glowering. "But I do know how I would feel if Emmett had a best friend of the opposite gender, who was also my mortal enemy, and insisted on seeing that person against my wishes and my better judgment. I'd be furious, jealous and utterly unhappy. We're not so different, you know... You need to stop lying to yourself, Edward. Can you honestly tell me that this is making _you_ _happy_?"

I looked at the forest floor, the wet leaves, the broken branches, and realized that the view in a way resembled how I felt when Bella spent time with the dog. Discarded, useless, unwanted. "No," I whispered, "it doesn't make me happy."

"Then why are you encouraging her? Why are you allowing this?" Rosalie took a step towards me, raising her hands in the universal peace offering when I instinctively stepped back the same distance.

"Because, Rosalie," I was still whispering, "having that mutt in her life makes _Bella_ happy. And I'd rather Bella be happy, even if it costs me my own happiness. If you'll recall, that was my misguided reason for leaving in the first place. Not all of us are selfish."

She ignored the barb. "You are truly a fool, then," she said with force, throwing up her hands. "She is your mate. How can she be happy if you are not? Does she not know how jealous you are? Is the jealousy not eating at you?"

"Of course it is. I love her more than my own life. She is happy because she doesn't know that I suffer when she's with him." And she would never know, not if I could help it. She deserved much better than to see the depth of my pain. I had the strength to hide it from her. I had no other choice.

"What does she see in him, then? Why is she spending time with him at all?"

"_Help me understand, Edward_."

"I would think that even you know the answer to that, dear sister," I said sarcastically. "When I so arrogantly decided that Bella would be better off without me, he was the one to comfort her, to stitch her up when we... when I left her bleeding."

"_But you are back now. What does she need him for_?" Rosalie looked at me, confused. I knew why. She simply didn't think the way I did. Didn't fully understand that another's happiness could be more important than your own. I suddenly felt a need to explain myself to her, though I wasn't sure why.

"He is manipulating her," I admitted. "Bella is very selfless, to a fault, almost. He ropes her in by telling or showing her that he's hurt to be losing their friendship, and she doesn't like to see him in pain. At least, that's my best guess. I can't read her mind, you know _that_, but I've seen his. She's said as much, shortly after we returned. She feels she has some kind of obligation to him, because he was there for her when she was barely alive after we left; he and the rest of the pack saved her from Laurent and that bitch Victoria, while I was obliviously wasting away in a hell of my own making."

"All the more reason not to let her see him. He's driving a wedge between the two of you. How can you allow that?"

"I wish it was that simple, Rosalie," I said resignedly. "I just can't hurt her anymore. I can't be the cause for her unhappiness. I just... I can't. You don't know what it was like for her, you haven't seen it in the minds of everyone that was around her how she suffered, how I broke her to the point that she wasn't living anymore, only existing, utterly numb. It's my fault that this friendship even exists. How can I hold it against _her _when it was _my_ fault?"

I kept my eyes on the ground, my shoulder hunched, the terrorizing fear of losing the one thing that was giving my life meaning nearly overwhelming me with anguish. My breath left me in a pained hiss.

Rosalie was quiet for a long moment, pondering my words. I could see her eyes on me as she considered my pained posture, and she suddenly stepped forward to close the distance between us.

And the haughty, self-absorbed sister I knew pulled me into her arms and pushed my head on her shoulder. Rosalie was shorter than me, and I had to bend down. My arms were hanging slack by my side. I was frozen in stunned shock at her gesture.

"I am so sorry, Edward," she said consolingly, as she rubbed her hand in small circles on my back. "But really, you have to stop blaming yourself for everything. I'm just as much at fault. We all are. We could have stood against you after what happened at the birthday party, and the ridiculous way you reacted to it. I know Alice tried. But not the rest of us. Emmett should have said something. Carlisle or Esme should have tried to stop you. I should have smacked some sense into you," she chuckled humorlessly.

"But I was feeling much too smug at the time. I knew that Jasper's control would snap at some point, and I'd been waiting for it to happen. And when it did, it just confirmed what I thought I'd known all along. That our world wasn't for her, and you were a fool to spend time with a human. And not even a pretty one."

I tensed against her. Bella was beautiful, and always would be in my eyes. "She's not just pretty, Rosalie... ," I started, but she cut me off.

"Hear me out, brother mine. I'm sorry. I don't think that way anymore. I wish I had seen it more clearly before, and tried to convince the others to stand against your asinine plan. Perhaps then you wouldn't feel it necessary to entrust your mate's safety to a stinking dog."

I wondered absently if vampires could go into shock. I certainly felt like I would any second now, because the vampire that held me and comforted me could not possibly be my sister Rosalie.

"So what do you suggest I do?" I asked her, genuinely interested to hear what she would say.

"I don't know, really. Maybe Alice can give you some insights. I suppose you need to try to keep her away from that mutt as much as possible. Not by kidnapping her, that's for certain. That insipid idea obviously backfired quite tremendously. But maybe you could keep her busy, keep her entertained. Bring her to the house more. Let her hang out with Emmett and Alice and Jasper. And me. I promise I won't make her feel uncomfortable."

I snorted. "Are you sure you can stand that? It seems to go entirely against your nature."

She put her hands on the top of my arms and pushed me back a little so she could look me straight in the eye. "Yes, Edward. I've come to realize that if you were to get your head out of your ass and do the right thing, that down the road, she'll be my sister. She's already part of the family because she's your mate."

"_And here I thought I could do this without insults_."

Rosalie smiled at me. "Sorry. I mean that. Though if you ever tell anyone I said that, you'll pay for it."

And again, all I could see in her face and her thoughts was honesty and sincerity. "Well," I said slowly, "I can't say that I'm not surprised, shocked even, at this revelation. But I _am_ glad you had the courage to talk to me. Thank you."

"Don't read too much into it. I still hate your guts," Rosalie grinned widely. "And Edward," she suddenly was serious again, "I really am sorry for making that call."

"I know, Rosalie. I forgave you quite a while ago," I said just as seriously. I was feeling a small smidgen of hope that our relationship wouldn't be so antagonistic going forward.

"_And I'm worried that if you lose her, in any way, that you'll pull that stupid stunt again. If you do, __you'll tear us all apart, you know that, don't you_?"

I looked at her. "Yes," I said quietly, thinking of the promise I'd made to Bella. "I know."

"_Good._" I could hear the relief in Rosalie's thought.

I didn't tell her how wrong she was to feel that way. I would never leave Bella again. Not until she sent me away. I knew that I couldn't go back to Italy. And if Bella left me, promise or not, I wouldn't be able to stick around on the sidelines, because no matter how many years passed, when given the order, Demetri would be able to track me down, and in turn, find her.

Perhaps I would just cross the boundary line into Quileute territory, and be done with it. I'd have to leave a note behind with a plea to my family to not avenge me, and that requirement would make it difficult to keep my intentions from Alice. I hadn't quite worked out completely how I would pull it off, if it ever came to that, but my intentions for that outcome were not something Rosalie needed to hear.

I glanced at the house again, and she caught my look.

"You can go. I can see you want to. Just think about what I said, all right? And maybe, as an offer of solidarity, I'll come back in the morning so you can go home to change and get the car. What time do you normally leave?"

"Usually around six-thirty. Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yes," she nodded solemnly, "I'm sure. I will however deny any knowledge of having agreed to this voluntarily, if anyone asks, and will claim that you blackmailed me." Rosalie winked. "Go on, Romeo. I'll see you tomorrow."

I leaned down and pressed a brotherly kiss on her cheek. "Thanks, Rose. You know, after all these years, it's refreshing to see that there's actually a heart under all that frigid exterior," I teased her, wiggling my eyebrows. "Who would have thought?"

"_Oh, shut it, Edward. Don't make me kick your ass_." I could tell from the glint in her eyes that she wasn't mad. With a quick wave, she turned and started to sprint towards home. "_Can't wait to see Emmett... That went better than I thought it would_." She escaped my range, and I couldn't hear her anymore.

Two seconds later I was sliding the window to the side and climbing into Bella's room. Her scent, permeating the small room, wafted into my nose as soon as the window opened, and I greedily inhaled it, igniting the dry burn in the back of my throat. It was so ridiculously easy to ignore the fire. No venom. No temptation. The thirst for her blood was overpowered by hunger, by desire, by lust for her body. I let my eyes roam across the delicate girl on the small bed.

My love was asleep on her back, one leg stretched out, the other bent at the knee beside it. Her face was a little off to the side, pressing into the pillow, her long locks spread out around her, and her soft, plump lips were slightly open. She was wearing her old, tattered sleepshirt, and her quilt had moved down to leave her chest area uncovered. Both of her hands were above the covers; one crookedly beside her head, the other resting on the curve of her hip. The swells of her breasts were moving with every breath she took, slowly rising and falling. Her heart was beating soundly, her whole body at rest, and it was the most wonderful sound and sight in the world.

She was utterly, breathtakingly beautiful. And she was all mine.

I silently kicked off my shoes and pushed them under the bed. From downstairs I could hear the TV, and Charlie's thoughts were focused on whatever game he was watching. He was getting tired, but he hadn't been checking in on Bella on his way to bed for quite a while now, so I felt secure enough to carefully slide into her bed and settled myself beside her, on top of the quilt, one arm above her head, lacing my fingers through hers. My other hand began to gently stroke the exposed skin on her arm. I buried my nose in her luscious hair, skimmed along the translucent skin on her neck and inhaled the extraordinary fragrance of her scent as closely from the source as was possible. The fire burned in my throat, but I was home. I was safely ensconced in the sanctuary of her room.

I laid my head against the headboard and let the conversation with Rosalie run though my mind. To say that I was astonished at her courageous words would have been an understatement. Our relationship had always been one of mutual irritation and forced tolerance. We were both part of the same family, and we'd always fight anyone who'd threaten us, but that was the extent of our similarities. Rosalie was vain, self-absorbed, shallow, and her mood swings were legendary. Even Emmett didn't always understand what made Rosalie tick.

Perhaps it was time to change my assessment of her. With tonight's words, letting down her armor, the walls that usually surrounded her completely, she had made me see that she actually did care – not just for me, but also for Bella. Yes, astonished didn't cover half of it.

Something about her statements bothered me though. When she mentioned Alice, Rosalie had broken off, and heaved a sob, that I knew she'd tried to suppress. The two of them were not particularly close, and I thought it odd that Rosalie would be so emotional over something that Alice had felt, or said, or done.

To my shame, I hadn't even thought a whole lot about what Alice might have gone through after we'd left Forks. I was too busy with my asinine tracking and lack of skill thereof, and too emotionally lost in myself to care about anyone else in my family. I couldn't be around them. They were a daily reminder of what I had given up, and their proximity was just too painful. Perhaps it was time to talk to my little sister about that barren time. Not a conversation I was looking forward, but one that needed to happen nonetheless. She had risked much for me, and for Bella, and I still owed her for that.

Bella stirred beside me, and my eyes instantly flashed to her face. She rolled towards me, still asleep, and nestled her head into my side. At her unconscious tug, I let go of the hand I was holding, and she dropped it on my chest. Bella sighed contentedly and stilled her movements. I rejoiced in the knowledge that she had sensed me next to her, even while she was deeply asleep, and that her subconsciousness drew her closer to me.

"Mmm, Edward," she mumbled, "love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, sweet girl," I whispered back, a huge smile spreading across my face. I loved to hear her talk in her sleep. It was as close as I could get to hearing her thoughts, her spoken words no longer edited or filtered.

Bella was silent again. I returned to my conversation with Rosalie. She also had declared Bella to be my mate. I knew that, on an intellectual level, to be true, and I trusted in Bella's feelings for me, but my heart still didn't think I was worthy. How could I possibly deserve the love of this fragile, selfless, wonderful girl beside me, when I was such a monstrous creature? Not only did her blood sing to me, though I was no longer tempted by it in any way, but I now also lusted after her body.

Not that I hadn't heard or read about those things, but none of it had every interested me – not until Bella. Even Tanya's advances had left me cold; instead of desire, I'd only felt repulsion and embarrassment. What I felt now, for Bella's body, was not only love, but was entirely tainted by lust. Primal, savage lust. Despicable.

I was fantasizing about making love to her almost daily, and it had become so much more difficult in recent weeks to keep myself under control, when every cell inside me wanted to possess her, devour her, fill her. Belong to her in every possible way. I wanted her to touch me in all those forbidden, and according to my turn-of-the-century morals, utterly vulgar ways, and I felt myself growing hard at the thought alone. Add sexual frustration to my feelings, and I was truly a selfish, deplorable monster.

I immediately redirected my thoughts to the earlier conversation with my sister. I need to consider that Rosalie was perhaps right in her assessment of the situation, and that allowing, hell... encouraging Bella to spend time with the stinking furball was going to be detrimental to my own happiness. It had become more painful each time she went – I reluctantly had to admit that.

But I still didn't know how I could deny Bella what she thought she needed – and I knew that spending time with _him_ made her happy. How could I begrudge her this? He of course knew that she felt obligated to him, for saving her, for being there for her when her world had looked very dark indeed. And he used that knowledge at every chance he got. But how could I hold him responsible for doing what his immature mind told him to do? He was only fighting for her, like I was. My long existence had made me more patient, and I knew that allowing my jealousy to show would not help me convince Bella to give up on the dog.

It seemed tonight would be a night where I was for once completely honest with myself.

There was no denying it. I _was_ utterly jealous, consumed by the green-eyed monster. The feeling was tinged with possessiveness, and protectiveness, and selfish, greedy need.

I needed Bella like I needed sustenance. I needed her to belong to me and only me. I needed to be her protector. I needed my arms to be the only ones to hold her. I needed the love in her eyes to shine only for me. I needed her to share my last name, my worldly possessions, my bed, my home, my life. I needed to make her mine – mind, body and soul. Mine alone.

Now if only I could figure out how.

I just didn't see any other way – no other option than to continue on the path I had chosen at this point. Tolerate her friendship with him, and trust her love for me. She was my mate, after all, and the love I felt for her was surely reciprocated. I knew that much. Didn't I?

Beside me, in the form of a fragile, human girl sleeping peacefully, lay my hope, my love, my life.

And then I was praying to the Creator before I realized it. And when I did realize it, I continued anyway. I prayed for forgiveness, confessing my multiple sins, and asked for his divine assistance to help me hang on to the love of my life. To let me keep her forever. I wasn't even sure if praying would do me any good. God probably had forsaken me a long time ago. I had no soul, no faith in an afterlife. I was eternally damned.

I had no right to pray. But I didn't know what else to do.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. Please do me the honor to click on the green button and let me know what you think of this chapter. Good? Terrible? **

**The songs I listened to while writing this:**

**Depeche Mode - Waiting for the Night to fall**

**Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence**

**Depeche Mode - Halo**

**Muse - Starlight**


	16. Interlude

**Author's Note:** As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, all conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are based on the Twilight Saga.

This 16th chapter is called "Interlude". It consists entirely of made up dialogues and scenes, but is of course still based on the events of the 3rd book. I know I promised the Graduation chapter, but Edward insisted on an intermission of sorts - a calm before the storm. An interlude. And I've learned to listen to what Edward tells me. So here it is. I hope you'll enjoy.

Edward continues to have a hard time controlling his seventeen year old self, and finds himself constantly thinking of what any seventeen year old male would think of. With a vampiric twist. And the family had to make some time for a visit from Bella, as well as plan the trip to Seattle - a family strategy meeting with Major Jasper Whitlock at the end.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

**16. Interlude**

Daybreak.

It was Sunday. The day before our graduation from high school. Another matriculation for Alice and me. Of course, we'd both made honor roll, but learned nothing new in the nearly four years we'd spent in the small town of Forks. High school was our personal purgatory. Only Bella had made the last few months endurable.

But this time graduation was a momentous occasion, at least from my point of view. It would be Bella's first time graduating from high school - but perhaps, if she had her way, not her last. Perhaps the next time, we'd go together. I found myself looking forward to that, until my conscience quickly smothered the thought.

I'd spent the entire night in Bella's room, watching her sleep, and listening to her talk as she slept, as it had been my nightly habit ever since returning from Italy, and it was nearly time for me to leave before returning at nine o'clock to officially pick up my love who would be spending the day with me and my family.

Bella's breathing had become shallower in the last few minutes, and I knew she was close to waking up. I planned on letting her sleep until she woke up on her own; she needed her rest.

As long that happened rather soon, because it was rapidly becoming more difficult with each passing minute not to kiss her awake.

I was greedy for her kisses, and, at the same time, ashamed of my greed. Raging desire clouded my judgment. Bella had unleashed a very greedy monster, indeed, and it wanted so much more than the chaste kisses I had allowed so far, bound by my carefully drawn lines for our physical relationship. She was so very fragile. So breakable. I had to be so very careful with every touch, every kiss, to never apply too much pressure, never forgetting that even the tiniest slip of control might inadvertently break her or kill her. I was deathly afraid, scared to my bones, that I would be responsible for her death, if I wasn't careful.

There could never be more than kisses. Not until she was changed. The thought was killing me. In more ways than one. The raging war of the conflicting desires - keeping Bella forever and leaving her human because that was what she deserved - was slowly driving me to the brink of insanity.

I shook my head to clear my mind, trying to push the morose train of thoughts into a deeper corner of my brain, and refocused on the angel beside me.

I settled for lightly tracing lines on her arm with just my fingertip, and suppressed a sigh, because merely touching the skin on her arm wasn't nearly enough. Kissing the milky, translucent softness, licking it, tasting it would be much preferable. I sighed with longing for that day when I could touch her, make love to her without fear of hurting or killing her. When I imagined our future, in selfish daydreams, I saw us running through the forests with our hands clasped, our matching wedding bands glinting in the light of the sun's rays. Husband and wife.

_Get a grip, fool_.

And a fool I was, certainly. A fool so desperately in love with the most amazing creature God had ever put on this earth - my mate, my life, my Bella. I sighed, exhaling in a long rush of air, my frozen heart constricting in longing and pain. She still hadn't told me yes.

Snores floated across the hallway. Charlie was still asleep after a late night of watching sports on his TV. He had plans to go and 'worship by the river', as Bella called it, this morning. I hoped he'd be gone by the time I returned for her.

I ran through our last conversation in my mind. Bella had mentioned to Charlie last week, while preparing dinner, that she planned to ride with me to the graduation ceremony.

"I don't think so, Bella," Charlie had balked immediately. "I think as your father, I should have the right to take you there myself. You're riding with me."

"But Dad - don't you have to work?"

"I'm taking the afternoon off," he'd assured her. "_I'll be damned if I let her go with him_."

"But we're going straight to Edward's house for the party afterwards," Bella had tried again.

"I'll drop you off. I was planning to take you to dinner first."

I'd decided to inject myself into the conversation. "Perhaps, I could ride with you, Charlie," I'd suggested cheerfully. "Carlisle and Esme won't have a problem with that."

He'd glared at me for a moment, but in light of my parents' assumed acquiescence, he'd not been able to argue. "_Just can't get rid of him_."

_I'm afraid not, Charlie_.

"Fine."

Yes, we still had a long way to go before Charlie would trust me with Bella's happiness again. Deservedly so. I wondered briefly how he would react to an engagement. If Bella ever agreed to my condition. If I hadn't bungled my proposal so badly the first time.

Hmm... maybe, just maybe she was waiting for graduation to be behind us. Maybe she would be more comfortable if we had finished school, before we became engaged. That made sense, considering that she was concerned about what people would think, like she had told me. The thought filled me with hope. For Bella to become my wife would be the fulfillment of my heart's desire. Nothing mattered more than to declare before God and the world how much I loved this woman, who had given me her love so freely, so fearlessly, and in the process, had saved me so completely.

I'd asked Bella the night before if she wanted to come to the house to spend the day, and after agreeing, she'd told Charlie that she wouldn't be home for lunch. He'd grumbled a little, as expected, but after a little reminder, accompanied by Bella's pointed glares, that Carlisle and Esme would also be there, had ungraciously given in.

Alice especially was looking forward to spending time with Bella. And after Rosalie's revelation two nights earlier, I felt more comfortable bringing Bella home, knowing that she wouldn't be exposed to Rosalie's wrath and ire.

I wasn't entirely sure how Bella would react to Alice's plans to 'pamper' her, but I'd be glad to come to her rescue if the little pixie got out of hand. And as much as I wanted Alice to have her fun, I hoped that enough time would pass with other planned activities that would prevent the pampering altogether. Bella didn't like to be treated like Alice's life-size dress-up doll, though the end result was always worth it in my eyes.

I was no longer worried about Jasper. He'd taken me aside shortly after our return to Forks to confess that his shame and guilt from the consequences of his loss of control at the wretched birthday party were a constant deterrent to ever harm Bella again. In the past few months, he'd kept his distance as much as he needed to, knowing when his thirst was getting too much to handle, but he'd told me that he'd come to love Bella as a sister. The constant presence of her scent in my clothes, my car, my room, in our entire home had helped him to slowly desensitize himself, and whenever Bella was in the house, his thoughts did not once give me any indication that he was not in control.

Jasper also thought I was completely delusional for keeping her human. He considered it sheer lunacy not to change her, considering the various threats that surrounded her and the fragility of her humanity. He had more than once questioned my decision, and for him, the graduation deadline couldn't come soon enough. More importantly though, it also meant that Alice was going to be finished with high school, and he no longer had to be without her for those hours.

After the summer, we'd be moving to start attending Dartmouth College. Esme was already bending over blueprints and plans to renovate the house we owned there from top to bottom, and they included a large bedroom, with an attached bathroom, that Bella and I would share. I wasn't quite sure yet how to explain it all to Bella, and how to gain her acceptance of our plans, but I was counting on Alice's uncanny predictions, and her visions of Bella's future had included her living with me in Dartmouth.

As a vampire. Carlisle had already set the wheels in motion that would give us both an extension of our acceptance, so we wouldn't have to re-apply after Bella's newborn year.

Even Rosalie had given her input, albeit only for what she wanted done in her room, and since Emmett only cared about having a large enough rack to store his extensive collection of video games, and that his favorite leather chair would be included, he let her have free rein.

Alice was helping Esme make a long shopping list of all the decorations they wanted in the house, as well as what furniture we would have moved cross-country. That latter list was much shorter. Most of the moving boxes would contain our personal effects only, and whatever we weren't going to take with us, would be donated to Goodwill.

A myriad of catalogs were littering Alice's room and Esme's office. The two of them were planning to head out to Dartmouth shortly after the elimination of the newborns, and get started on putting their renovations plans into action. Jasper was considering going with them – he didn't like to be away from Alice for long, and though she was perfectly capable of protecting herself, he was unwilling to let her travel alone.

I was glad he would accompany them. It made me a tiny bit nervous to have Esme and Alice fending for themselves nearly three thousand miles away, and Carlisle wouldn't be able to go with him, either. Esme just wasn't a fighter, and we didn't know what others of our kind they might encounter.

We all knew that we weren't going to come back to Forks ever again; not after Bella's change. With the treaty broken at that point, the entire Olympic Peninsula would likely be forbidden territory for us, since we didn't know how far the wolves would extend the patrols. Even our previous residence in Hoquiam would be considered off-limits. The house had been rented out for the last seventy years, and was in excellent condition.

Alice and I had already discussed selling both properties after the move. She'd contacted a real estate broker to initiate the preliminaries in handling the sales. The estimated sales prices for both houses put them out of range for the local population, and we expected that it would take some time to sell them.

It was a crying shame, really, considering the perfect weather in this part of the country – overcast on most days, allowing us to live inconspicuously among the unsuspecting humans – but it was a sacrifice we were willing to make if it meant that Bella and I could be together for eternity.

As for myself, I had for the last eighteen months considered Forks my true home, because this was where my life had finally, after eighty-seven years, found meaning. In Bella. But now, home was wherever she would be. Home was with her.

Carlisle had silently considered talking to Sam Uley, asking for permission to change Bella, and renegotiating the treaty, but even he didn't have much hope that the pack leader would agree to it. Their ancient hatred and suspicion of us were too deeply rooted, and especially with the additional complication of one Jacob Black thinking himself in love with Bella, it was near impossible.

But even if she chose to stay human, the way it should be if I could only rid myself of that very selfish part of me that wanted Bella to join me in this existence forever, my avaricious self was impatiently looking forward to the day when I would not have to deliver Bella to her father each and every night, and then clandestinely climb into her window under the cover of darkness, scurrying into her closet every time Charlie decided to check on her before he went to bed himself.

If Bella got her will, after the newborn year, Dartmouth would see us living together as a mated couple, sharing a space, living without restrictions, loving without fear of discovery or breaking her. To say that I was eager for that time to arrive was an understatement. But every time I thought about it, overwhelming happiness and radiant joy at the prospect filling my frozen heart, my conscience smote me.

Selfish. Utterly selfish. But my unyielding desire for that day to come was so strong, so consuming, that it was beginning to overpower my aversion to destroying her soul. And perhaps Carlisle and Bella were right – perhaps we hadn't lost our souls. I wished there was a way to be certain.

But on the other hand – who but a soulless monster would consider condemning a beautiful girl like my Bella to an eternal life of darkness and sacrifice?

I also knew that either way, I was fighting an uphill battle, one for which the outcome was nearly decided. Bella's obstinate clinging to what she wanted – to be come one of us and be with me forever – combined with Carlisle's promise was nearly impossible to stand against. I was getting very close to giving up.

No more aces up my sleeve.

Even if she met my matrimony condition for changing her myself; either way, she'd undergo the transformation and lose her soul in the process. Or not. There was a small tenant of hope that had taken root in my core, fluttering tiny wings, balancing precariously on the precipice of my love's conviction, that my soul was not lost, and Bella's would be, neither.

And I was still just as worried that Bella hadn't thought this through, and that, once she had gone through the transformation and realized what she had actually signed up for, she would hate me.

One of my greatest fears – to see hatred for me blazing from her ruby-red eyes. If that came to pass, my guilt and remorse would surely kill me a thousand times over. And I knew the fires of hell would be my eternal punishment for taking her life away, and I'd pay that price, if it came to that.

Bella was finally starting to stir next to me, her pale lavender eyelids fluttering, her legs akimbo underneath the covers. I gently brushed my knuckle across her cheek. Her eyes opened, and the melted chocolate lakes of her irises slowly focused on my face.

"Good morning, my love," I smiled at her. "Did you sleep well?" Without waiting for an answer, I bent down to kiss her lips, having waited impatiently for hours to do just that, but she turned her head slightly and mumbled her foolish notion about morning breath into my cheek.

I suppressed a chuckle. She had no idea that what she called 'gag breath' didn't bother me in the least – her breath was just as sweet to me as always.

And it had been entirely too long since I'd kissed her. Eight hours were utterly out of the realm of the acceptable. And I was unwilling and unable to let any more time pass without my lips on hers.

I actually preferred it this way – she tasted more like pure Bella when she first woke up than she did tinged with the scent of toothpaste after she had brushed her teeth.

Urged by my desire to make her understand this once and for all, I gently put my hand underneath her jaw and pulled her head towards me, before pressing my lips to hers.

I knew I could kiss her for centuries and would never tire of her taste. I quickly flicked the tip of my tongue over her plump lips, before pulling back to release her mouth.

Oh, God – the taste was utterly divine.

Chuckling at the inevitable pout, I got up from her bed. "Charlie will be up soon, and I'll be back in a few hours to pick you up."

"Come back here," she pouted, grumbling.

"Are we a little grumpy this morning?" I teased, raising an eyebrow.

She glared at me. "No grumpier than you are when you don't get your way."

Whoa! Where had that come from?

"I'm sorry," I said instantly, feeling chastised for some reason I couldn't quite fathom. What did she mean with that statement? "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Right," she muttered, clearly not appeased.

I was staggered by the speed by which a light moment had suddenly turned into my having to apologize for something I didn't know I had done wrong.

_Perhaps you should give her what she was pouting about, and deal with the consequences later. _

Good advice.

Steeling myself to retain control, I got back on the bad, and wrapped my arms around her soft body to begin kissing her in earnest.

Bella responded instantly, and her hot, delicate hands found their way to the back of my neck, where she grabbed hold of my hair, even if one of them was securely wrapped in the brace. I let my lips move gently against hers for a long moment, before breaking off the kiss again, gleefully proud of myself that my groin had not responded in its usual fashion. One sixty-fourth of a second later my member twitched its pleasure into my consciousness.

Damn it!

"Better?" I asked her with a crooked smile, ignoring the pull from my groin and the carnal beast rattling the chains. This time Bella smiled back at me.

"Much," she said, before throwing off the quilt and hopping out of bed, pulling me with her by my hand. As the air stirred up by her movement reached my nose, I understood why she was moody. Her grumpiness was hormonal. I should have known and expected it, if I hadn't been too preoccupied to be paying better attention to her menstrual cycle.

And the realization that she had started her menses was prompting yet another depraved fantasy I just didn't want to deal with at this time. Because a fantasy it would forever remain. It wasn't something that would ever come to pass. I shuddered, both with undisguised pleasure at the thought of the coveted realization of that desire and utter disgust with myself for thinking of it.

There was no way in hell, not even if I was undergoing excruciatingly painful torture, that I would ever admit to, or ask Bella to allow me to fulfill, my extremely perverted daydream that featured her menstrual blood.

_I am turning into a full-blown degenerate_.

But God – how I wanted it. Knowing there would be no frenzy, no bloodlust, no urge to bite or kill her, and be rewarded with a small taste of her sweet blood... that would be sheer heaven. I very nearly shivered again at the thought.

Disgusted, I forced the fantasy back into a deep recess of my mind.

"I will see you soon," I promised with a quick hug, before stepping out her window and landing on the wet ground below. It was raining, and I ran into the trees before pulling out my cellphone to call Rosalie.

"Hi," she answered on the first ring. "I'll be there soon." It sounded like she was already on the way, judging by the rush of wind I heard coming through the phone.

A few seconds later, I picked up her thoughts, and then she stopped in front of me. I grinned and she grinned back.

"Good morning, Romeo. Did you have a nice night?"

"Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?" I asked her teasingly in return. Her grin became wider.

"Go home already. Don't make me kick your ass."

I laughed and turned to run home. "As if you could catch me," I remarked over my shoulder.

"Oh, Romeo," she called out with playful menace, "one word to anyone and I'll turn you into an Edward mosaic."

I was still laughing when I reached the house and burst through the front door.

Emmett looked up from his video game and glared at me. "_What did you do to Rose_?"

The laughter died on my lips. "What are you talking about?"

"She watched over Bella last night, and when I asked her why she was doing you a favor, she wouldn't tell me," Emmett said, his bottom lips jutting out petulantly. He looked like a five year-old who had been told he couldn't have his favorite toy. I very nearly laughed.

"How did you manage that? I can never get her to do what she doesn't want to do. And why is she watching Bella again this morning?"

Shit. I ran through various possible answers in a few milliseconds, but couldn't come up with one that wouldn't give away her secret. "Uh... I'm sorry, Emmett, I can't tell you," I finally said. "You'll have to ask her."

"The hell, Edward – that's not fair."

"She's _your_ wife, Emmett. Ask _her_," I insisted. Rosalie would have my head on a platter if I spilled anything about what had transpired between us last night, and probably destroy both of my cars, too. No way was I going to tell him. Unlike Bella, I had a good sense of self-preservation. And I loved my cars.

"_Go fuck yourself_." He didn't speak out loud for Esme's benefit only. She did not appreciate expletives of the four-letter kind being used around her. We all knew and respected that.

"That would be anatomically impossible," I remarked dryly before running up the stairs to my room. I burst through the open door and found Alice waiting on the couch.

"_Okay, spill it, Edward_," she thought with a wink. "_What did Rosalie want to talk about? By the way, your clothes for today are on the bed_."

"I'm going to give you the same answer. Ask _her_," I said matter-of-factly.

"Come on... I really want to know."

I groaned. "So does Emmett, and I'm not telling him either. It's not for me to tell. So what brings you in here?" I asked her, desperately trying to change the subject. "I cannot imagine you were waiting simply to tell me you had selected my clothes for today."

"Oh, I just wanted to give you the timeline for today," she said lightly with a wave of her hand, avoiding my eyes. I knew that look on her face. I knew that it meant Bella would likely balk at her extravagant plans I could already see in her head, and she was trying to enlist my help in persuading my love to go along with it.

That wasn't going to happen.

"What timeline, pray tell?" I asked her, trying hard to stifle the growl of irritation that was building in my chest.

Alice laughed. "Gotcha," she grinned. She was only joking. Damn her.

I couldn't help but grin at my little sister. "You are truly something else," I told her as I ruffled her hair. "Take it easy on Bella, okay? And since you're already here... ," I added but broke off, thinking that it wouldn't be appropriate to talk to her about what Rosalie had touched on last night. I wanted to give Alice the same kind of privacy that Rosalie had asked for.

"Have you seen anything further from Seattle?" I questioned her instead.

"_That's not what you meant to say, is it, Edward_?" she thought, but decided to forgo an answer.

She shook her head. "Nothing concrete, just glimpses more or less. Their numbers stand at about twenty at this point, but should go down if they keep fighting amongst themselves. They don't seem to all be together, and that might work in our favor. You need to talk to Jasper about strategy. Actually, we really need to have another family meeting before we go but with having to guard Bella... unless you want her here while we discuss it."

I thought about that quickly. "Can we do this with me on the phone? If so, will you set up something for tonight while she's sleeping? I'd rather she not know the sordid details. And now that I have two phones, I can let one of them charge and exchange them out tonight," I added wryly, thinking of how Bella had rejected that small but significant gesture, and how it had hurt me when she did.

Her eyes glazed over for just a moment, and Alice nodded. "Yeah, that'll work. I'll let the other know while you pick up Bella. And you need to come up with a plan on what you'll do with her while we're gone. I can't tell you what will work until you decide on something."

I nodded, and turned towards my stereo to put on some music. I'd asked Alice to get me the new Jack's Mannequin CD just the other day, and hadn't had a chance to listen to it yet. The concert was scheduled for the following Saturday, and I was looking forward to taking Bella there, hoping that we'd have taken care of the newborns by then. I had a little bit of time left before heading back to Bella's house, officially this time. Alice danced out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her, and went in search of Jasper.

Emmett had returned to his video game, still grumbling about my refusal to tell him what was going on with Rosalie's sudden change of heart, and Esme was in her office. I smiled to myself. Still working those blueprints. Carlisle was at the hospital, just as Alice had predicted.

With the music beating out a rhythm in the background, I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Dropping my clothes in a pile where I stood, I stepped into the stream of water, hoping it would relax me a little.

While I let the water run over my body, I stared at my reprehensible manhood which had in the last few weeks been a constant source of irritation. Even now, far removed from the seductive temptress that was Bella, I was still partially aroused. I hesitantly ran a curled palm over the length of it and was amazed at how pleasurable it felt. Better, much better than anything I'd ever seen in the minds of others.

Enticing pictures flooded my mind, and I imagined Bella kneeling between my legs, her small, hot hand stroking up and down over the cold skin of my throbbing member, a seductive smile on her face, heavy-lidded eyes watching every emotion that was displaying in my own. In my mind, she bent her head lower and flicked her tongue over the tip of my engorged manhood.

_Holy hell!_

Instantly, I was hard. My hand gripped tighter before the conscious thought hit my mind. Involuntarily, _instinctively_, it kept stroking my hardened length, up and down, top to bottom. I braced myself against the tile with my other hand.

My breathing sped up, and before I knew it I was panting and moaning and purring from this foreign and unexpected pleasure. A raging fire rapidly built in my groin, and I could feel my abdominal muscles tighten under their own volition. For a long moment, I was lost in the unfamiliar sensations but then my regular thought processes kicked back in and pulled me away from the ledge from which I was about to fall.

Recoiling, I yanked my hand back from my throbbing erection, shut off the water, and got out of the shower before I could do something really stupid and repulsive. The speed with which I had surrendered into self-manipulation made my head spin.

_What the hell is wrong with me? _

I toweled off quickly and put on the clothes my sister had laid out for me, still reeling from the experience in the shower. Not at all the relaxation I'd been seeking. I had no intentions for a repeat performance. Ever.

But burning desire to feel like that again – that was not so easily contained.

_Fuck. I'm a complete pervert. _I shook my head to clear the fog that had descended on my brain.

A few minutes later, I was heading down the stairs, dressed in jeans and a light-gray, knit sweater, dangling my keys around my pointer finger. As I strolled through the living room to get my jacket, Emmett glared at me again. "_You gonna tell me, or what_?"

I just shook my head, smiling enigmatically as I walked past him, ignoring the curses and threats he mentally threw after me.

"_You'd better spill. Or next time Bella comes over, I will mention what you did in the shower_. _You were _moaning_, my brother._" He waggled his eyebrows at me. "_It was ... very interesting. I'm sure Jasper felt it, too... "_

That stopped me in my tracks. I was already disgusted with myself for what I had done - I didn't need my brother to remind me of it. I felt depraved as it was, to be so ruled by carnal desires, and it had been utterly unacceptable to touch myself. And I would be completely mortified if Bella ever found out about it. I was suddenly feeling very angry, and my fury rose to the surface quickly.

"Emmett," I warned him menacingly, snarling the words. "Don't give me reason to spill _your_ secrets." I raised an eyebrow, challenging him to pursue this subject and reap the just rewards for threatening me this way.

We scowled at each other silently, until he snapped. "_Fine. Be that way_."

I climbed into the Volvo while Emmett cussed up a storm, and I cringed at some of his more colorful choices, glad to escape him when I got out of range at the edge of the driveway.

I ran my fingers through my hair a few times, and put the windows down so the breeze would dry my hair while I was driving, at speed limit for a change, through the streets of Forks. When I could see her house as I was coming up her street, I noticed that Charlie's cruiser was still parked out in front. I glanced at the dashboard clock. Perhaps I was a little early.

Damn it.

I called Rosalie while I quickly turned around and stopped my car around the corner from Bella's street.

"Sorry," I told her when she picked up. "Charlie's departure is taking longer than I expected, and it's too early for me to go by her house while he's still there. Are you okay waiting a little longer?"

"Sure. Did Emmett try to grill you when you got home?"

"He did," I laughed. "How did you know?"

"He's been trying to get me to spill all night," she answered with a giggle. "I finally had to threaten him before he would stop."

I could imagine what threats she had used, and certainly did not want to ask.

"I assume you didn't say anything, did you?"

"No, of course not," I assured her quickly. "But I should probably warn you that Alice is just as curious."

Rosalie laughed delightedly.

The world had to be coming to an end, or suddenly spinning the other way around. I fell silent for a long moment, flabbergasted. When I found my voice again, I couldn't help but ask. "Whatever has come over you, Rosalie?"

The giggling stopped instantly, and her voice turned serious. "Nothing. I feel... I suppose I feel liberated, in a way, having told you. It's been bothering me for a while, and I've been lashing out at you unnecessarily lately because of how guilty I've been feeling."

Well, damn if she hadn't been successful at hiding it from me.

"Oh," I said stupidly, "I see. Well, let's call it water under the bridge and focus on what's important, shall we?" I could be magnanimous if the situation warranted it. This certainly was one of those.

"I'd like that," she said. I glanced at the clock again. It was finally after nine, and I could with good conscience drive to Bella's house now, without incurring Charlie's ire.

"I'm heading to Bella's now," I said. "Thanks for watching her."

"No, thank _you_ for trusting me with her, Edward."

"Don't mention it," I retorted lightly, and hung up with her laughter ringing in my ear as she picked up on the double meaning. I shook my head slightly, wondering how long her good mood would last.

When I pulled up in front of Bella's house, Charlie was coming through the front door, carrying his fishing gear. He was in a fairly good mood, just a little upset that he was running late, until he spotted my car. His brows furrowed as he saw me, and his thoughts were not friendly.

"Little early, aren't you?" he grumbled when I got out of the Volvo.

"Good morning, Charlie," I said politely, putting a small smile on my face and keeping my anger at his antagonistic stance locked up inside. "Bella asked me to pick her up at nine. I'm actually a little late. I presume she has told you that she'll be spending the day with my family and me?"

"Hmph," he muttered as he put the gear in the trunk and climbed into the cruiser. "I expect her home for dinner, you hear?"

"Of course," I agreed quickly. "May I ask what time you are leaving for graduation tomorrow?"

"What's it to you?"

"Well, considering we agreed that I'd be riding with you, I need to know what time to be at your house."

"Oh, right. I forgot. Be here by two-thirty, then."

"_And never mind that we're leaving at two. Without your sorry ass_."

"Will that give you enough time to get us there by two forty-five?"

"_Damn you_." Charlie wondered how I had managed to catch on to his little plot. I suppressed a snort.

"Right – be here by two o'clock, then," he conceded reluctantly.

"Thank you, Charlie. I hope the fish will bite today."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled and drove off. I sighed. We weren't making any progress at all to repair our relationship and he didn't trust me any farther than he'd be able to throw me. Which wasn't far at all. Only Bella's threat of moving out kept him from being any more openly hostile to my presence in his daughter's life. I had often heard this fervent wish that I would simply disappear.

_Hate to disappoint you, Charlie. I'm not going anywhere. Not without her. Not unless she tells me to._

Bella came bouncing down the front steps as soon as her father's cruiser disappeared around the street corner. With an exuberant smile, I opened my arms and she flew right into me, a huge grin lighting up her face.

"Edward," she sang as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I was so pleased at her enthusiastic greeting, that I held her off the ground for a long moment, while I kissed her soundly.

"Hi," I said finally, chuckling after releasing her lips and watching her pout. "If that's the welcome I get when I pick you up for a day with my family, maybe I should arrange for that more often."

"That's not why, and you know it." Bella smacked my arm with her left hand, and I worried that she'd hurt herself.

"It's probably not a good idea to hit me, sweetheart," I admonished her teasingly. "I'm a little harder than you."

She just grinned as I put her in the car and drove off, holding her uninjured hand in mine the whole way. We arrived at the house and saw Alice and Jasper waiting on the front porch, with Alice bouncing up and down, squealing excitedly when Bella got out of the car. Before I could blink, Alice had Bella in a great hug, and quickly pulled her inside the house, with Jasper slowly following behind them, thinking that his wife was just as insane as I.

I was left standing alone on the front porch, slightly annoyed, and grateful that Jasper was well fed, having hunted the day before with Emmett and Alice.

The day flew by quickly, even by vampire standards. We played team Monopoly, with Bella sitting in my lap and throwing the dice for us, but even my mind reading abilities to counteract the others' strategies were no match for her bad luck, and the two of us lost terribly to Jasper and Alice, going bankrupt in mere minutes each time.

Three times in a row.

_Unbelievable_.

After the third game, Rosalie had enough and teasingly accused Alice of cheating. That turned quickly into a heated discussion, with good-natured ribbing and pretend-outraged hisses and snarls flying left and right. All of us, including Bella were laughing at Emmett's juvenile antics, especially when he ended up rolling in circles on the floor, roaring his hilarity until the foundations of the house shook. Esme smiled indulgently from the kitchen. "_Such joy to watch them like this_."

I was overjoyed yet again how well Bella fit in with all of us, giving me such hope for our future and our very own happily-ever-after – and it pushed me closer to the point where I was willing to forgo waiting, and change her the day after we married.

Esme had prepared a lunch for Bella and took great delight in the hummed moans Bella emitted over the tomato bisque, the Caesar Salad and the tuna salad sandwiches. After her lunch, we planned to lounge on the sofa and watch a movie.

"Esme, this was wonderful. Thank you so much for making it for me."

"It was my pleasure," Esme smiled at Bella's compliment. "I really enjoyed it. It's been a long time since I had someone to cook for," she added wistfully.

Bella gathered the dishes and made to take them to the sink. She smiled at my mother. "Well, it was really good. The tomato soup was heavenly, and I can never get the Caesar dressing that creamy. Would you share your recipe with me?" Esme beamed at her words.

"Yes, of course, my dear. I'll have it ready for you when you leave tonight."

Bella put the plate and bowl in the sink and turned on the water, but Esme would not hear of Bella doing the dishes and shooed us out of the kitchen. "I'll take care of it, sweetheart," she told Bella firmly, with an indulgent smile. "You go with Edward and pick a movie to watch."

"What would you like to see?" I asked Bella after I had gently pulled her over to the vast collection of DVDs we had built over the last few years. She stood next to me, with my arm wrapped around her shoulders, and ran the fingers of her left hand over the spines of the various cases that lined the built-in shelf next to the wall-mounted TV.

"You have so many... ," Bella said slowly. "How are they organized?"

"By type," I answered, "romances, dramas, action movies, comedies – which are separated by satires, regular comedies and romantic comedies – and then within each category, by year of release."

"Okay..."

I bent down to brush her hair back and nuzzled on the exposed skin of her neck. "What kind of movie are you in the mood for?" I asked her, breathing the words into her ear.

_Just don't say Romeo and Juliet. _

Bella pulled one of the cases out of its spot. "How about this one?" she asked, holding up 'Sense and Sensibility'. I took it from her from her hand. At least this one had a happy ending.

It was the version with Emma Thompson and Hugh Grant. "Good choice," I said, smiling. "And rather predictable, too."

Bella smirked. "I guess so. But I haven't seen this one yet."

"It's your choice, my love. Actually, this version is really well done. Did you know Emma Thompson received an Academy Award for best adapted screenplay for this movie?"

"Uh-huh," Bella nodded seriously. "It says so on the case." She pointed to it and started laughing.

I laughed with her. "Very witty, Bella. Impressive." I heard both Emmett and Rosalie chuckling behind us.

"Which one did you pick?" Emmett asked, sitting in the easy chair with Rosalie on his lap. I held up the case so he could see, knowing he would summarily reject that particular movie.

"I'm not watching that chick-flick," Emmett objected as expected. His grin spread over his entire face, and I tensed as I saw his thought a moment before he spoke. "Oh, I know... let's watch Underworld:Evolution."

Bella looked at him curiously. "What's that one about?"

"It's Emmett's idea of a bad joke," I said quickly, glaring at my brother, and immensely glad that my love wasn't a movie connoisseur. I could not imagine that she'd willingly watch a movie where vampires battled against werewolves. Rosalie smacked the back of Emmett's head. "_Dumbass_."

"Ow," he said in response, then laughed while he winked at me. "You gotta admit – that would be hilarious."

"I think not," I hissed my response, while Rosalie grimaced. Alice and Jasper came down the stairs to join us for the movie. As she walked past Emmett, she, too, smacked him.

"Damn," he howled. "It was a joke!"

"Some joke," Alice said too quietly for Bella to hear. "Bit tasteless, don't you think?" She plopped herself on one side of the couch, and Jasper sat down on the armrest next to her.

Bella had watched our reactions with interest and turned to Emmett. "What is it about, Emmett?" she asked him pointedly.

He looked at me. "_Sorry, man. I shouldn't have suggested that_."

Too late now. I just hoped he would have the grace to get out of the hole he'd dug for himself without hurting or offending Bella.

"It's a vampire movie," he simply replied to Bella's question, with an apologetic glance in my direction. I could see from the expression on Bella's face that she wasn't fully satisfied with his explanation, but to my relief, she let it go after staring at his face for a long moment.

"So, can we watch this?" she asked, turning back to me, taking the DVD case from my hand.

"Of course," I smiled at her, putting the DVD into the player. I pulled her down into my lap as I clicked the play button on the remote to begin the movie. Bella snuggled into my arms, sighing in contentment.

I would have much preferred a comedy.

When Willoughby leaves Marianne to marry Ms. Grey, Bella started sniffling against my chest. I kissed her hair to comfort her and tightened my arms around her. When Elinor thinks that Edward Ferrars has married Lucy Steele and is crushed by the pain of that discovery, the tears began to flow from Bella's eyes. I started whispering Hugh Grant's lines into Bella's ear, but it made no difference. By the end of the movie, though everything turns out happily for both Elinor and Marianne, Bella's face was wet with tears, and Alice's eyes were red-rimmed. Emmett and Rosalie had long gone to play the Cullen version of chess over by the stairs, neither one of them interested in the movie. Jasper had endured it for Alice.

When the credits were rolling across the screen, Jasper was delegated to get tissues, and grumblingly got up from his perch next to Alice to fetch a box from the kitchen.

"_I don't even know where the damn things are_."

Esme handed him a box of Kleenex when he got to the kitchen door. "Thanks," he said, grateful that she had saved him from having to look through all the cabinets. He turned and threw the box at me from the kitchen. I caught it overhead, and handed it to my love who was by that time in dire need of this paper product.

After Bella had blown her nose, I took a moment to dispose of the used tissues, and asked Esme if she'd mind watching Bella this evening from the time I took her home for dinner, until I'd dropped off the car.

"Of course not, Edward." I kissed her cheek as a thank you, and she hugged me in return. "Take care of her."

"Thanks, Esme. You know I will."

On my way back to the couch, Alice passed me in the corner by the stairs as she was going upstairs to get one of my sweaters for Bella. Apparently, Bella was going to get chilly in a few minutes and she wanted me to be prepared. It was definitely advantageous to have a psychic in the family in moments like this. I gave her a quick smile when she looked at me.

Jasper had ambled over to Emmett and Rosalie, feeling uncomfortable at being left alone so close to Bella. Not because of her scent so much – he was unwilling to absorb any more of the rollercoaster of emotions she was radiating after having watched the movie.

As Alice walked past me, I concentrated on my decision to talk to her that night, and was rewarded with a nod, and a mental confirmation that she'd received my message.

"_I'll be there after our call_," she said silently.

"What time is Carlisle supposed to get home?" I asked Alice, when she came back down the stairs a few seconds later.

"Around six, as far as I can tell."

"Okay. Call me on the cell phone when he gets home. I'll be in the woods behind Bella's house." I returned to Bella on the couch, and put my arm around her shoulder.

"Did you like the movie, sweetheart?"

"Can't you tell?" she said, laughing and crying still. "It was really good."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, then," I told her earnestly, before wiping the tears off her cheeks with my thumb.

Alice returned from her errand and put the sweater over the back of the couch. "_Here you go, Edward_."

Soon thereafter, Bella started to shiver. I handed her the sweater. "Here – put this on. You look a little chilled."

She looked at me, confused. "How did you... "

"Alice," I said simply since that was sufficient explanation.

Yes, having a fortune teller in the family was definitely an advantage, and so very convenient. No matter how annoying the little pixie could be.

Bella pulled the sweater over her slim torso, and we both grinned at the way the long sleeves ended way past her hands. I rolled both of them up to free her delicate fingers. "You can keep it on when I take you home if you like," I told her, hoping she'd agree, knowing that my scent was all over it.

Behaving like a caveman who needed to mark his woman.

Bella smiled, and surreptitiously stuck her nose into the fabric to inhale deeply. I quickly wiped the satisfied grin off my face before she could see. "Thank you," she said simply.

"It looks very nice on you," I grinned. "And, to my shame, I must admit that I am very partial to seeing you in one of my sweaters."

Bella giggled. "It's a bit large, but it smells really good." And then she blushed, and it was so lovely. I kissed her quickly on her nose, before pulling her back into my arms.

"Unfortunately, it is almost time to take you home. Charlie insisted that I bring you back in time for dinner," I sighed into her hair. "Did you have a good time today?"

"Yes," she mumbled into my chest, moving her cheek over my left pectoral muscle, and inadvertently rubbing over the nipple, which turned out to be very sensitive. The electricity from her simple touch lit me on fire. "It was very nice, actually."

I stood up before my excitable manhood could make its presence known and put her gently on her feet. "I'm glad," I whispered in her ear, before carefully nibbling on the lobe with my lip-covered teeth. Bella melted into my arms, and I tucked her head under my chin. "I love you, Bella."

"Me, too," she sighed.

"Let's get you home." I led her to the Volvo and opened the door for her, before getting in the car myself. I heard Esme tell me silently that she'd be on her way to watch over Bella while I dropped off the car.

I walked Bella to her front door. Charlie's cruiser was not yet in the driveway, so I took my time saying good-bye. "Love, there are some things I have to take care of this evening, but I'll be right in the woods behind your house, if you need me. Just speak my name and I will hear you. Don't be afraid."

"Edward, I'm not scared. I'm fine," she insisted, though her eyes were a little apprehensive. I stared at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking of. "Are you coming back tonight?" she asked me in a small voice after a moment.

Remorse was eating at me, as her words indicated that she didn't fully trust me yet even though I'd sworn that I would never leave her again.

"I will always come back to you, my love," I promised fiercely as I enveloped her in my arms, understanding the reason why she was asking me this question."I'll be in your room as soon as I can."

Bella threw her arms around my neck. "I know. I love you, Edward."

I hugged her to me tightly. "As I love you." I kissed her forehead one more time, before I released her and stepped back to let her go into the house.

Waiting until the door closed behind her, I then ran back to the car. Esme was in position. Once I reached the edge of town, I sped up and reached our home minutes later.

I raced up the stairs to change out my cell phone and, without stopping, turned around and flew through the darkening forest to meet up with Esme and take my rightful place as Bella's protector.

I glanced at the house to assure myself that all was well within. I heard the chairs scraping across the linoleum floor. Charlie had returned home, and in his mind, I watched my love serving dinner and sitting down to eat. She had a somewhat pensive look on her face, and seemed to be preoccupied with something I was, to my endless frustration, unable to hear.

I hoped again that after her change, I would be able to finally hear her thoughts. I'd gotten very adept at reading her face, but every so often, my inability to confirm my best guesses frustrated me to no end. Tonight was such a moment.

Esme touched my arm gently, worried at the unhappy expression that crossed my features. "What is it, Edward?" she asked, concern in her thoughts. I looked at her and tried to smile.

"It's nothing, Esme," I said, with a slight exasperation slipping into my tone. "I wished yet again that I could simply _hear_ her, especially when her face shows that her mind is far away. I know she likes it better this way, but sometimes it's maddening."

Esme smiled indulgently. "If she wants you to know what she is thinking, she will tell you, my sweet boy. Trust her love for you. It's all that matters."

"You're right. I ought to be used to it by now," I said with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she said lovingly. I hugged Esme quickly before kissing her cheek.

"Thanks for watching her, Esme."

"Any time." She stepped back and with a quick wave, ran towards home. I climbed up into a tree, and settled on a branch, my legs swinging below me, waiting for my phone to ring. In my mind, I tried to map out different strategies for Jasper to consider. We had scheduled our preparation training for the night after the graduation party tomorrow. Esme was going to watch Bella for me.

At precisely six o'clock the phone buzzed in my pocket. Alice was on the other end.

"I'll put you on speaker, Edward," she said, and then I could hear all of them breathing around the dining room table.

"All right," Carlisle began, "let's discuss our strategy." I immediately realized that this phone conversation had been a bad idea. I couldn't hear any thoughts. Damn. I hadn't considered that when I suggested it. My concern had been not to let Bella out of my sight.

"Before we start," I interrupted quickly, "it just occurred to me that since I'm not there to see your thoughts, you will all need to speak your suggestions. I'm a little at a disadvantage here. I won't be able to pick them out of your mind."

Emmett laughed once. "That's funny, Edward. You're so... normal, for once." Leave to him to see the non-existing humor of the situation.

I heard Carlisle chuckle. "Let's begin. Jasper, what do you suggest?"

"I'd prefer drawing as many newborns as possible out of the city, in small groups preferably. We don't know, of course, whether they all run together, or if they have split up. Once they are away from human population, we'd have an easier time killing them and staying inconspicuous. The problem will be that some of us have to go in to draw them out, and we need to be in constant communication if we split up. They are strong and fast, but we will spend part of our training tomorrow night to give you enough pointers to avoid a direct confrontation and lure them out to a place where we can kill them without drawing attention. We certainly can't burn them in town, there are too many, and I'd rather not carry the pieces over great distances. It will slow us down considerably. Those of us that remain behind can start building the pyres."

"Who would you send into town?"

Jasper was quiet for a moment. "Jasper," I said into the silence, "just say what you think, please."

"Edward, Alice and myself."

"Explain," I demanded.

"I need to go because I'll be able to influence their emotions and draw them out that way. We need you, Edward, to read their minds so you can react to anything unforeseen on their end. And Alice's visions will help, too. The rest of you will need to wait outside of the city limits, and catch and destroy them as we herd them out. We are also the fastest, if we have to rush out in case something goes wrong."

Emmett groaned loudly. "Are you kidding me, man? You mean I have to twiddle my thumbs until you shoo them in my direction?"

I heard someone being smacked. "Damn it, Rose – enough already," Emmett growled.

Jasper laughed, while I suppressed a grin on my end. "Yes. You are more use to us this way. You'll still get to kill them, though."

I could imagine that Carlisle's pacifistic nature would not be happy with that last part, but I couldn't hear a reaction.

"It's going to be a very even fight, as it is," Jasper said, serious again. "We cannot afford to make mistakes."

"He's right," Alice said, "but we won't. I can see that. This plan will work."

I heard various sighs through the phone, at the same time as I sighed myself in relief.

"Edward," my little sister's voice came through, "you haven't made a decision about Bella. Where will she be?"

"As fervently as I wish I had another choice, my only option is to send her to the Quileutes while we're gone. None of us can stay behind, and I can't leave her at home unprotected. At least the mongrel will keep her safe. We still don't know who her visitor was, in her room."

Silence.

"Very well," Carlisle said. "Are you planning to make those arrangements for her, Edward?"

"Most likely, yes. I will ask Bella to call Jacob Black. School is out then, and I'm sure she won't mind going to the reservation."

I heard a humorless laugh. It sounded like Rosalie. Deprived of my extrasensory ability, unable to hear what they were thinking, the sensation was being like what I presumed a fish would feel if it was no longer in its element. It had been a terrible idea to do this via the phone. I wouldn't be suggesting anything like this again.

"Very well," Carlisle said again. "What time are we meeting tomorrow to commence training?"

"After the party," Jasper answered.

"It'll be after midnight," Alice added.

"All right. I think we're done then. Edward, will you be home in the morning?"

"I'm staying at Bella's as long as possible, and then I'll be in the woods behind her house. Charlie is driving us to school at two. I'll need to come home to change, and get my car. Esme, can you watch her for thirty minutes?"

"Yes, of course."

"Edward," the pixie piped up. "I'll be bringing over her outfit at that time. I can watch her if you want."

"Oh. All right, that's fine. Thanks. I'll see you all tomorrow at some point, then."

After a chorus of good-byes, I hung up and climbed into Bella's room, lounging on her bed until she came upstairs.

Graduation was tomorrow, signifying the commencement of a new and long-awaited future for both of us. And for me, though the need was born from purely selfish motives, morning couldn't come soon enough.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N: **Next up - Graduation. For real, this time. However - I will be out on vacation for two weeks, so any update will come after that. I apologize in advance for the long wait. In the mean time, won't you review this chapter? Just click on that green button, and let me know if I deserve bits of milk chocolate or rotten tomatoes.


	17. Absolutions

**Author's Note:** As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, all conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are based on the Twilight Saga.

This 17th chapter is called "Absolutions". It again consists entirely of made up dialogues and scenes, but is of course still based on the events of the 3rd book.

Yes - I know I promised the Graduation chapter, but Edward insisted on an needing to have his conversation with Alice first. He felt that with the preparations for the newborn elimination, and all the other worries he's got, he needed to obtain his favorite sister's forgiveness first. And I've learned to listen to what Edward tells me. I hinted at this conversation in the last chapter, but didn't expect it to turn into 14 pages of text.

Please don't pelt me with bricks or rotten eggs.

Edward realizes that during his absence from Bella's life, his own family, too, was struggling with the holes in the fabric of their bonds, with two of its members missing. Alice especially suffered, her close relationship with Edward and her strong friendship with Bella cut at the seams by Edward's horrendous error in judgment. She is owed an apology! She also has some advice for him - some things he needs to hear.

And then we have a bit of fluff at towards the end, since it's still Sunday night, and Edward doesn't want to go home. Can you blame him?

Night turns to day and while he's home changing for graduation, Edward quietly begins to apologize to the other members of his family.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The fabulous Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

Anyway, here it is. I hope you'll enjoy.

**17. Absolutions**

Evening.

I was lounging on Bella's bed, with my shoe-clad feet hanging off the bottom, my arms folded behind my head, leaning against the headboard of the small, single size bed we had shared for the last two months. Nearly every night.

There had only been one night since our return from Italy, since our future began once more, that we'd been apart. I could not imagine ever spending another night without her, nor did I want to. The thought alone was so painful, that my brain rejected it instantly. No. Never again.

Bella was still downstairs with Charlie, who had read the newspaper during dinner, and was now firmly planted on the couch in front of the TV, while my love was cleaning up the remains of their meal.

My phone buzzed. I sat up slightly to remove the small cell phone from my pocket and looked at the screen.

Alice.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly after pressing the send button. "I'll be right down."

Snapping the phone shut, I left Bella's room in one smooth motion and landed quietly on the soft ground below. Alice was waiting in the shadows of the trees behind Bella's house. I took a deep breath as I approached her. This would not be an easy conversation, but one that I'd neglected for too long, and my remorse at my long ignorance was eating at me. I loved Alice more than any other of my siblings, and I liked to think that after what she did for me in Italy, she and I were even closer now than we used to be.

"Hi," I said with a small smile, looking down at the little pixie that was my favorite sister, and after Bella, my best friend.

"Hey, Edward," she said, returning the smile warily. "So, you've finally decided we'll hash it all out?"

Her words surprised me for a moment, but then I saw the thoughts flicker through her mind, and understood that she already knew what I wanted to talk to her about.

The knowledge of her knowledge tied my tongue into knots.

Not an altogether pleasant feeling.

I dug the toe of my right shoe into the dirt beneath my feet, hesitating, unsure how to approach the subject. Feeling guilty to no end, the words came out formal and stilted. "Yes, I was reminded yesterday that I've been terribly neglectful in discussing this matter with you."

Alice looked at me, slightly amused. "Don't go all OED on me, Edward."

"_You drive me bat-shit crazy, you know? You're lucky I love you._"

I saw the humor behind her words, though it didn't reach her eyes. I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

She sank to the ground and crossed her legs, resting her hands in her lap. "_Sit_," she commanded, glaring when I didn't immediately comply.

"_Now!_"

I hastened to follow her example, my eyes locked on hers.

A sad expression flickered across Alice's face. "Watch," said simply.

And so it began. The images rose to the surface of her mind and found their way into my brain. My whole body tensed as the thoughts hit me like a battering ram.

The pained and anguished expressions on my face the morning after the wretched birthday party, after I had made my decision that we would all leave. Jasper's shame and guilt, his feelings a whirlpool, suffocated by his own and absorbing those of the rest of the family. The overwhelming sadness that had enveloped all of them.

Alice's desperate pleading to reconsider my decision. The visions she had shared with me that morning. Her own pain, her fears, when she showed me that my leaving would be fruitless, that it would change nothing, that Bella's distant future was still the same. Her knowledge that our leaving would only cause pain – not only for them, but that it would nearly push Bella to her breaking point, just the same as it would almost break me. Two souls, if I chose to believe Carlisle, drifting aimlessly and lost without the other.

_Arrogant bastard. Stupid, stupid, stupid fool. _

I had ignored her visions, chosen to dismiss them all in my pain and confusion, secure in my belief, my own irresponsible and, as it turned out, utterly erroneous assessment that Bella would forget about me and find happiness again in her human world, far removed from the supernatural that was endangering her for as long as I was part of her life. The incident with Jasper had scared me to the bone – a lesser reaction time would have put his teeth at Bella's throat, and I would have been responsible for her death. I hadn't been able to live with that at the time, thinking that living without Bella would be the easier option to face. I knew better now. Nothing would ever tear me from her side again. Nothing but her order to remove myself.

Alice wasn't done.

My frozen heart constricted in my chest as I watched the pictures in Alice's mind. My family's anguish as they lived in Ithaca. Emmett's morose face no longer showing his easy smile, his youthful exuberance. Rosalie trying to comfort him and failing miserably, turning inwardly with her pain, and finally convincing him to go on an extended vacation to distract him and herself from the misery. Carlisle withdrawn, burying himself in work and teaching, but becoming more and more subdued with each passing day, unable to find a way to hold his family together. His struggle with his own pain of having to give up on his hopes for me and Bella, knowing that we were mated, though I didn't realize it, and berating himself for respecting my autonomy, and giving in to my wishes to remove us from Bella's world, desperately wishing he had stood firm when I demanded our departure.

Esme's deep sadness and never-ending longing for me to return from my self-imposed isolation, no longer finding pleasure in the things she had previously enjoyed. She watched as her family fell completely apart under the combined pain of our separation, and was helpless to do anything to change it, or mend the tears in the fabric of our bonds.

The images had frozen me into immobility, unable to even blink, my breath turning to gasps as Alice's memories of that barren time hit my mind.

Jasper wrestling with his guilt and shame at being the catalyst for my overreaction, and absorbing, struggling, with the burden of the family's feelings of sadness and loss. His shoulders were hunched under the onslaught of emotions he felt emanating from his siblings and parents. He had chosen to spend as much time as possible alone, unable to even bear Alice's feelings on top of his own. His feelings had eventually turned to anger at my insanity, as he watched Alice succumb a bit more each day to her own pain, and he had ranted against me for a while until Alice had told him to stop.

Emmett and Rosalie leaving under the guise of another honeymoon. Jasper spending time alone in the woods, unable to withstand the whirlpool of emotions radiating through the house. I saw my whole family falling apart at the seams because two of its members – Bella and I – were missing, and the holes we had left behind could not be filled.

I heaved a silent sob and then another, remorse filling my entire being, guilt for the pain I had caused my beloved family, but my eyes never left Alice's topaz orbs.

"_There's more, Edward_."

The pictures shifted suddenly. She focused on her own feelings now, and the utter anguish she let me see in her eyes, and in her silent heart, was breaking my own. I hadn't realized the extent of the pain and misery I'd caused my family with my rash and foolish decision. I sobbed again, as I threw my arms around her and pulled her into a hug against my chest. I couldn't take any more of the images she was throwing at me, flicking through her memories of the worst time of my existence.

"Enough," I whimpered, "please, enough. I am so, so sorry, Alice, truly, I am. I had no idea what I would leave behind, and to be honest, I never even bothered much to think about the feelings of any of you during those six months, buried as I was in the misery of being without her. I owe all of you an apology, and I have been long remiss in doing so. I'm sorry."

She pulled away and stared at me, with fire burning in her eyes. "You don't get to tell me when to stop, Edward," she snapped at me. "You wanted this meeting, and I'll be damned if I let you dictate what I can and cannot show you. What did I tell you when you made us all leave?" Her voice rose towards the end, and I cringed, worried that Bella might hear us.

"Sshh," I hissed. "We're too close to the house."

"_Damn him, but he's right_."

The glare in Alice's eyes turned to menace and she growled with frustration, but she lowered her voice. "Shut the hell up, Edward, and answer my question. What did I tell you I saw that morning? What did I tell you would happen?"

I stood up and paced a few steps away from her, pinching the bridge of my nose. I felt out of my element. We had never had this kind of conversation before, and I was suddenly nervous again.

"What do you want me to say?", I asked her, hedging, feeling like a wretch for what I had done to them all. "I was wrong. I should have listened. I should have never left, or made us all leave. I was so, so wrong."

"That's a start," she replied, "but you still didn't answer my question." The little pixie tapped her foot on the soft forest floor, completely soundlessly. Endearingly. I had a hard time suppressing the smile that was beginning to form on my face.

"_Answer!_" she shouted in her head, her eyes blazing with her righteous anger.

I complied. She deserved to hear this. "You told me I was making a mistake. That nothing would change, that Bella would still become one of us, and that my leaving would be fruitless and unnecessarily painful for everyone. That I wouldn't be able to stay away for long, and that I would soon come to regret my decision."

"Very good, Edward," she said, with a small smirk turning up one corner of her mouth. "I am glad you actually did listen long enough to remember what I told you. For a while there it seemed as if you hadn't even heard me at all."

I smiled at her timidly. "That would have been impossible. You were quite loudly yelling your objections, if my recollection doesn't betray me."

That made her laugh, once, but her face turned sad again in an instant. "Yes, I was, but it made no difference at all. You chose to ignore me, and what I foresaw, for the second time since you met Bella. Did you doubt me?"

"No," I disagreed quickly. "I didn't doubt you for a moment. All I saw was my own doubts, my lack of worthiness, and my profound need to protect Bella from the danger I surmised we posed to her at all cost. To my shame and regret, I did neither care nor consider who else might get hurt in the process, as long as Bella would be safe and, presumably, happy in her human world, removed from the constant threat our existence put her under. Knowing how your visions work, I was confident they would change once I had made my decision, like they did the first time."

I thought back to that first time when I had run from Bella's fate after the accident with Tyler's damn van, avoiding her at every turn. The future in Alice's mind had become snarled and unfocused again, and I had convinced myself that I would be successful in circumventing her visions once more. I knew now that I had been utterly delusional about that, and that I had seriously underestimated the depth and strength of Bella's feelings for me.

"_Didn't quite work out that way... _" Alice smirked at me in her head, and for good measure showed her vision to me once more.

It was Bella after her change, an event that had become less and less adverse to my heart. Bella was stunningly beautiful, her pale skin smooth but hard, her limbs strong and muscular, and her shining eyes crimson, joined in a loving embrace with Alice, smiling at me over the pixie's head.

And now I could see my mother's ring glinting in the dim light of day, in its rightful position on Bella's left ring finger, with a matching wedding band behind it. I drew much hope and strength from that particular image. It seemed that I would be given my heart's deepest desire after all. I was not usually one to bet against Alice.

I grinned at Alice sheepishly again. "No. Not quite. And to be honest, selfish man that I am, part of me is glad I was wrong. Although I must say that it is certainly rather difficult to be faced with the realization that I apparently don't know everything after all... ," my grin grew minutely wider as Alice let out a pealing laugh, before I turned serious again.

Drawing a breath, I let it out in a long sigh. "However, none of this excuses my horrendous mistake, and my very irresponsible and overreacting behavior when I so rashly forced you all to leave town. Especially you, Alice, when I knew how much you love Bella yourself, and what it meant to you to lose your best friend. I truly am sorry, little sister, more than I can ever express. And though I most certainly didn't deserve it, you took the initiative and brought Bella back to me, and saved both our lives in the process, and I have yet to take the time to properly thank you for that."

I looked at her, feeling like a wretch for this inexcusable omission. "Thank you, Alice. And please – forgive me for my foolishness. I should have listened to you."

She returned my gaze, but her eyes and thoughts held no promise of a quick absolution.

"_Not so fast_."

"I am still mad at you. When we came home, narrowly escaping their clutches, you didn't even take the time to ask me what I found out in Mississippi. You didn't care to ask any of us what we went through during that time. Now don't get me wrong, Edward, I understand you spending all your time with Bella, and I don't begrudge you that, but I missed my brother, too. Did you think of that?"

I sure hadn't. Of course, reassuring Bella that I wasn't going to leave again had been at the very top of my list, and everything else had paled in comparison, and I had ignored it all.

"It seems I have more to apologize for, Alice," I said, a fresh wave of shame washing through me. "What did you find out when you went back?"

Alice sighed, and her thoughts flickered between a room at a library, stocked with microfiches, and a tombstone in Biloxi, showing the dates of birth and death for one Mary Alice Brandon. I gasped when I realize that this was the tombstone her parents had erected for her.

But the dates were off. She wasn't changed until 1919 and her tombstone showed that she had died three years earlier.

I opened my mouth to ask her about the discrepancy, when a new image flashed through her head. She had gone to the asylum and stolen her records from the archives. The date of her admission matched the date on the tombstone. I understood instantly.

"Oh, Alice," I whispered as I reached for her to pull her into my arms. "I am so sorry. They abandoned you, didn't they?"

She nodded, allowing my embrace. "It seems that way. Of course, that's how things were handled back then. I found my parents wedding announcement, and the birth notices for my sister and me. Her name was Cynthia. I still have a niece living down there."

I pulled back slightly to look at her. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," she replied. "It was very sad to find out that I was more or less discarded in that fashion, but I understand why they did what they did. However my talent manifested itself back then, and we only have James' account to go on, I can imagine they were frightened, and did what they thought was best for everyone."

"Except for you, of course," I pointed out.

Alice smiled a sad smile. "Yeah, well... I don't think they worried too much about that."

I hugged her again. "I'm sorry, little sister."

She leaned back and grinned at me. "I'll have you know, Edward, that I am older than you. Not by much, just a few months, it seems, but still... I guess I'm not your little sister, after all."

I laughed. "Perhaps, but you're still much shorter."

Alice smacked me playfully. "Watch it."

I released her, turning serious again. "Still, I am sorry. For not being there for you when you found all this out, and for making you leave, when I knew deep inside my heart that I was bound to fail anyway. I was a fool, but I think I've learned my lesson."

"In light of your most recent escapades, it seems that you still haven't _learned_ your lesson, Edward," she scolded me, wiggling her pointer finger admonishingly in my face. "I mean, if we are already having this hashing-it-all-out session, we may as well discuss those issues as well, don't you think?"

The images flashed through her mind, quickly, repetitively.

The near-losses of control during which she felt she had to interfere with a quick call, the long-dormant man inside me desiring Bella's body even more now than the monster part of me had lusted for her blood, and endangering her life in the process.

Damn, if my traitorous manhood didn't twitch in pleasure at the pictures of Bella naked underneath me, while the rest of my body shuddered in fear.

_Just admit it, Edward – you truly are a monster, either way_.

I shook my head to clear the voice of the devil inside me and concentrated on the images flicking through Alice's mind.

My grudging acceptance of Bella's friendship with the stinking dog, my forced tolerance of her visits to the reservation, my fearful pacing when she was with the mutt, my agony of waiting for her to return to me safe and sound.

The pain contorting my face, when I had returned from dropping off Bella at the boundary line once more this past week, my anguished features when Alice had pulled me from the Volvo and attempted to comfort me in my state of utter desolation. She knew how much it pained me to be away from Bella, even if it was only for a few hours.

"Which one shall we discuss first?" she asked me, peering at me from underneath the black fringe of her bangs.

None of them would be an easy subject, but I reminded myself that this was Alice, who probably knew me better than anyone, with the exception of Bella.

"I suppose we can start with the latter two, since they go hand in hand," I finally muttered.

"Well, actually, all three are related, Edward."

"How so?" I demanded. "What does my repulsive lust for her body have to do with my need to make her happy?"

Her tiny finger poked at my chest. "First of all, your desire for her is not repulsive. Pull your head out of your ass, and think for a moment. How old are you?"

Anger flashed in my eyes. What did my age have to do with anything? It wasn't like she didn't know, so why was she asking me? I chose to indulge her. "One-hundred and five."

Alice laughed in my face. "No, stupid – you're perpetually seventeen, and what you are experiencing – finally, I might add – is perfectly normal for someone your age. If you hadn't repressed yourself for more years that I care to count, you would know that, too."

Right there, I lost it. I bristled at that statement and my next words came out in a ferocious snarl.

"I had, and still have, good reason to, I assure you. There's never been anyone that I've been even remotely interested in until now, and believe me, having to endure the various images in my head when you and the rest of the family are engaged in that manner has only contributed to my so-called repression. So – thank you for reminding me that I am a century-old immortal trapped in a teenage boy's body. I was already aware of that."

I took a deep breath before continuing, while Alice mentally encouraged the sarcastic tirade that was bursting out of me.

"_Yes, let it out... _"

"Therefore – considering that I am a virgin, just as she is," I heard her silent giggle at those words, but ignored it, "and considering that the only woman I have ever wanted to make love to is _human_ and immeasurably more fragile than you could possibly imagine, yes, these newfound urges and desires are scaring the hell out of me. That is why I'm suppressing them.

"You have _seen_ it, Alice – you have called me in the middle of it, when I was teetering much too close to the edge, and was virtually on the verge of killing the only girl I will ever love. How can you question me for doing my damnedest to repress those urges?"

I was out of air, and inhaled quickly. "Top that with my turn-of-the-_fucking_-_century_ morals and beliefs, and you can perhaps understand why I consider these needs repulsive. It was ingrained in me as a human that every woman is to be treated as a lady, and perversion is _not_ part of my make-up. I feel like a complete degenerate, whether these feelings are normal or not, for even fantasizing about Bella in that way. I would think that you can understand when I tell you that these feelings and these sudden urges are just a little scary. Though immensely pleasurable, and that makes me feel even worse." I'd added that last part without thinking.

Somewhere in the middle of the extraordinary and ridiculous amount of word vomit I had just spewed, my arms had folded themselves across my chest, and my left foot was tapping the ground impatiently.

Alice was not impressed by my long tirade, I could see that without even checking on what she was thinking. "Are you finished?" she asked me pointedly, though I saw a smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

That made me check and she was laughing internally at my choice of words. My eyes narrowed, but before I had a chance to become even more furious, her mocking thought hit me squarely in the brain.

"_Pleasurable, eh_?" And then she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

Had Emmett rubbed off on her?

I didn't get a chance to recover from that train of thought before she released yet another vision.

The fight went out of me instantly when I saw the images of my unforgivable surrender into despicable self-manipulation flickering through her mind, and I was filled with shame instead. My breath escaped in a loud hiss.

_Holy shit, please, no_.

"Oh, God," I groaned in mortification. "Please tell me you didn't see that."

"Afraid so, Edward," she confirmed my worst nightmare, "but that is exactly what you need to do to be able to control yourself around Bella. I heard what you told Carlisle, that you want to wait until Bella is changed, but believe me, you'll have an easier time with your control if you give yourself some release from this sexual tension and frustration that you're living with. And in the end, that will also benefit Bella because you will be able to give her what she wants so desperately."

I so didn't want to have this talk with my sister.

_Wait_!

_What the hell_?

"What does she want?" I heard myself asking before I realized the words were leaving my mouth, my curiosity burning with hope that it was in some way related to what I desired.

Alice laughed. "The same thing you want, Edward. She's a normal teenager with normal needs, and she is experiencing them for the first time, just like you. And she's just as frustrated because you pull back instead of giving her what she needs."

_No fucking way. _

_Really_?

_Damn_!

The carnal beast was doing a happy dance inside me, fully charged with lust and primal urges at the prospect of getting its heart's desire.

_Could that be true_?

The gentleman I had been raised to be admonished me by wagging his finger in my face.

"_No, of course, that's not true_."

I was already shaking my head. "No, you're wrong, Alice. Bella would not want that."

Or would she? I dismissed the thought as quickly as it had flashed through my mind. No. Not my pure, innocent Bella. There was absolutely no possibility of that.

Or was there?

"Ask Jasper if you don't believe me," the annoying pixie suggested with a grin. "He knows exactly what she's feeling."

I hadn't even considered that. I was speechless for a moment, and Alice laughed at the disbelief on my face.

Hmm. Maybe I should ask Jasper about what he had felt from radiating from Bella. For a short moment, my mind spun out into that imagined conversation before I was hit by the reawakening of the monster lusting after Bella.

"_Told you so_," the beast sneered at me. "_Let's go now_."

"_Shut up_!" I growled at him.

I found my voice again. "Well, he must be mistaken," I said indignantly, "I don't believe you. As for your other suggestion... ," I trailed off, thinking about the incident in the shower. It _had_ felt really fantastic and utterly pleasurable to stroke myself. Perhaps there was some value in that particular recommendation. Perhaps Alice was right and feeling this way didn't mark me as the total savage I had thought myself to be.

Suddenly, I was anticipating the next shower and feeling giddy at the thought.

"I will consider it," I finished my sentence lamely, already fantasizing of taking matters into my own hands, so to speak. Instantly, I was hit with an image of myself in the shower again. I shuddered, whether from anticipation or repulsion, I could not say, but fluids rushed to my groin and the throbbing started again.

_Shit, that really has to stop_.

"It's a start," Alice smiled a little impishly. "If you can do it without feeling the need to whip yourself over it or get consumed again with unnecessary guilt. You know we're not living in a Hawthorne novel."

"_Before you ask, Jasper felt that, too_."

For the love of all that was holy – was there _nothing_ sacred anymore? I lowered my gaze to the ground, unsure whether I should feel mortified or angry with the lack of privacy at the thought of such a private matter.

"You may have a point, though I'm hardly puritanical, Alice," I muttered.

"Oh, I think you're very close, Edward," she laughed at me.

"Yes, perhaps. But you and Jasper spent way to much time in the free-loving sixties, it would appear," I told her, a smirk playing on my lips.

Her melodic laughter bounced off the trees around us. "And you not enough."

I decided that a change of subject was appropriate, and turned the conversation to the other two points Alice had brought up before we had veered off into the topic of my non-existing sexual fulfillment.

"All right, fine. I will consider it. Now, what about the other two objections you had?"

"Yes, about those – while I think it is noble that you allow Bella to see the mongrel, I can see that it's very detrimental to your emotional well-being, so I was hoping you'd explain to me why you feel the need to be so tolerant all of a sudden. It's quite a reversal of your previous attitude."

I grimaced. "To use your earlier words, Alice – don't go all OED on me. What do you really think?"

She had the good sense to smirk. "Okay. I think you're making a huge mistake letting her see that dog. It's hurting you, and in turn, though you can't see it, you are hurting her."

"I am what? Are you out of your mind?" I shouted at the small woman in front of me, outraged at the suggestion that I would willingly hurt the woman I loved. The whole point of this grudging change in my stance on her friendship with that flea-ridden excuse for a furball was to _not_ hurt Bella.

"Calm down, Edward. Let's just look at the facts, shall we? First off, you cannot deny that you are unhappy every time she is away from you and spending time with him."

She looked at me challenging me to disagree, but I was unable to do so. My dead, frozen heart rippled along its fault lines each and every time Bella was away from me, and I was barely able to make it through just a few hours without nearly going utterly out of my mind.

"No, I can't," I whispered in defeat, as the pain blazed through me.

Alice reached out and stroked my cheek with her knuckle. "I know," she said lovingly. "And that brings me to my second point. If it hurts you, how can it not hurt her? She is your mate, Edward. Does she not know how you feel?"

I simply shook my head. "No, she does not. I have kept it from her as best I could."

"Of course you have, you fool," Alice shook her head, her eyes sad. "Don't you think she deserves to know?"

"That's not the question, Alice. I have told her how I feel about seeing the dog, and I have tried to keep her away from him, but in the end, I was hurting her with my rigid dismissal of her friendship with that rotten animal, and I am done causing her pain. It cannot hurt her if she doesn't know. And it's not lying if she doesn't ask."

Alice was incredulous. "She hasn't asked you if you are okay with this arrangement?"

I was about to firmly answer in the negative, when the words caught in my throat. Damn. Bella _had_ asked me if I was jealous, after her first disappearing act, and I had denied it. Of course, at the time I hadn't quite been aware that my refusal to let her see that fleabag was only because of my insane jealousy of all the things he could give her that I could not.

I shook my head. "Not lately. Not since I told her I'd be more tolerant. Besides, it's my own fault that this friendship even exists. I'm the one who made that relationship necessary. I'm the one who left her and pushed her to find some kind of comfort with a stinking dog. I don't deserve her. Not now, not ever. By choosing me, she's giving up so much, so many things I want her to have. How can I ask her to sacrifice all that?"

Alice's eyes flashed and she stabbed her finger repeatedly into my chest, pushing me backwards towards a large fir tree. Her words were like rapid fire from a gun. Her voice was low but fierce.

"Now you listen to me, Edward Cullen. I've heard this bullshit before, and I warned you then, too. Do you want to see _everything_ she told me when I found her at her house in the spring? Do you remember the way she looked in everyone's mind? You saw it, didn't you? In Charlie's mind, in the minds of everyone at school. Do you recall the misery, the pain, and the desolation she lived through for nearly seven months while your arrogant butt decided that was what's best for her? I told you before you made us all leave that it was useless to fight this, and I'm telling you now. She _is _in love with you. You, Edward, no matter how much you loathe and whip yourself, no matter how many times you do something so incredibly stupid to screw it up, no matter what anyone, including the dog, could possibly do or say – she loves _you. _She chose _you_."

"How do you know?" I whispered, painfully torn between what my mind told me and what my heart wanted to be true.

Alice laughed once, but it wasn't a happy laugh. "I've _seen_ it, Edward. You have seen it in my mind. You've heard it from Marcus in Volterra. Bella has told you so many times. Over and over she has shown you through her actions that she has chosen you. What more do you need? You miserable bastard, what's it going to take for you to get it through your thick skull? Why can't you believe that you deserve her? Are you going to make us leave again?"

Her breathing hitched when she stopped to inhale, and after struggling to force down another breath, her voice rose with her increasing fury and pain.

"Do you truly have any idea, despite what I showed you, any clue at all what you did to this family, to me, when you decided for all of us that Bella could no longer be part of our lives? You haven't wasted one little thought of how you hurt us, too, ripping her from us because you thought you could live without her. Well, I've got news for you, Edward. You can't."

And then the small woman in front of me nearly crumpled to the ground, and I caught her before she fell. Alice was sobbing in my arms. "Edward, I love her, too. We all love her. I know it's not the same, but please don't make us lose her again. Please stop pushing her away, and forcing her into a situation that's only going to cause her pain."

"I'm sorry, Alice, I'm sorry," I repeated over and over as she clung to me in desperation. Despair tore at my silent heart. "Tell me what to do, please. I don't know what to do. Help me find a way to keep her. It's all I want. She's all I want."

Alice lifted her red-rimmed eyes to mine. "You need to tell her how you really feel about the situation, Edward. Tell her that you're hurting when she's with him. Show her that you are jealous. Keep her away from Jacob Black. And for God's sake – give her what she needs from you."

"Alice," I nearly sobbed myself, "I can't do that. I'm afraid I'll kill her myself. And I can't hurt her anymore. I have caused her so much pain already."

"Oh, shut up. You're not going to kill her if you relax your rigid boundaries a little. Do it slowly. And for crying out loud, stop this ridiculous wallowing. You do not have to carry the whole world on your shoulders and take the blame for everything," she snapped at me, the renewed vitriol evident in her voice, angry all over again. Her eyes narrowed in righteous anger.

"He's manipulating her. You _know_ that. I can't see what he plans, of course, as much as that irks me, but even I can tell what he's doing to her. And so can you. He acts as a reminder to her every time she sees him, an ever-present banner of that barren time without you. He's an implicit source of doubt, feeding her fear that you could leave her again. He is pricking holes into your happiness at every turn, and you have to remove that thorn from your relationship. Sooner rather than later."

Alice didn't tell me anything I hadn't already contemplated. As I let her words run through my mind, conceding that the points she made were so spot-on that I couldn't ignore them any longer, I took a deep breath and made a decision.

Unable to predict how Bella would react, I had to initiate this conversation on faith alone. Faith that she loved me, that she would choose me over anyone else. I wasn't sure I had that much faith, but I was going to try to find it. I took comfort from my epiphany, that we were truly mated, loving each other irrevocably and permanently.

"You're right. Okay. Give me time until we've taken care of the newborns, and I'll talk to Bella about all this. I'll explain how I feel, that the jealousy and fear of losing her is eating me alive, and we'll see where that gets us."

_And I'll pray to God in the mean time that I won't lose her over this_.

We sat on the damp ground for a while longer, each of us occupied by our own thoughts, though I peeked at hers a few times. The images were flickering in quick succession and blurry at times, but mostly had to do with Bella's anguish, the family's pain and my own misery while we had been apart. I cringed internally at some of the more explicit images of what I had done not only to the girl that meant the world to me, but my family, too.

Eventually, Alice sighed. "_I forgive you, Edward_."

"Thank you," I simply answered her unspoken thought.

"Promise me, that you'll do whatever it takes to make this right."

"Anything and everything," I promised sincerely.

"Including allowing her change," she demanded.

I sighed heavily. The cost was so high. All those opportunities I'd be taking from Bella, the hurt we'd be causing her parents when we'd stage her death, the wake of anguish we'd leave behind as we'd drive off into our eternal sunset. And her soul, but even I was no longer completely convinced that would be the case. However, it would be Bella's choice, and if I was fortunate enough that she chose to spend eternity with me, I would not deny her.

"I promise," I whispered, my frozen heart breaking and jubilating simultaneously.

I felt almost liberated by having made this concession.

"I promise," I said a little more forcefully, once more for good measure.

"Ah," she said. "It's even more solid now. Look." The vision of my immortal Bella was sharp and clear in her mind. My love was smiling at me happily.

Alice jumped off the ground. "Good," she said with a huge smile lighting up her face. "I'll see you later."

"Wait," I called. "I have one question for you."

She looked at me, grinning, already seeing what I wanted to ask. "How can I see you two getting married when Bella hasn't decided yet? That's easy, Edward. She wants to marry you – she just hasn't consciously come to that conclusion."

I stared at her, my mouth gaping open in a fish-like manner. "What? That makes no sense."

"Yes, it does, my dear brother. I first had a glimpse of the two of you getting married shortly after you took her to the meadow. When you decided not to kill her. Remember?"

I thought back to that day, when I was still teetering on the ridge between giving in to the monster who wanted Bella's blood above all and the man who wanted her to love him as eternally as he loved her.

I swallowed hard. "Yes, I remember," I choked out. It was a day I would never forget, even if I had wanted to. The miracle of Bella's unquestioningly loving acceptance of me had swung the pendulum of my indecisions towards the man who loved her, loved her so desperately that he had silenced and banished the monster. It was also the day that I had first felt a different kind of hunger – unfamiliar, but still strong and undiminished.

"It became firmer when we were rushing to Italy to save you, even more so, when she slammed into you at the mouth of that alley. Edward, you and Bella fell in love the first time you laid eyes on each other. You are mated to one another. Neither one of you apparently realized it at the time, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen that way." Alice's voice was gentle and kind, her eyes twinkling, her smile wide. "I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen. After the accident, your decision to ignore your feelings for Bella had the future all snarled up and confusing again. Then, when you allowed yourself to acknowledge how you felt about her, when you took her to the meadow, I first saw this future. And after the vote, it was pretty much a given. And though she hasn't said yes, subconsciously she has already decided."

We were both silent as we stared at each other and I felt that small tenant of hope taking careful root inside my still heart.

"You mangled your proposal pretty badly, I might add. I do hope you plan on rectifying that little fiasco sometime soon."

And now I finally understood why she had ordered the wedding dress the day after we came home. Tentative joy filled my silent heart and my insides felt nearly warm.

Suddenly, Alice's golden eyes turned sad. "In hindsight, I wish I had shown that vision to you much sooner, even if it was just a glimpse at the time," she said in a small voice. "Perhaps you wouldn't have left."

And then she was gone and I was left alone to wrestle with my dreams and my demons. With a sigh, I got up myself and brushed the dirt and leaves off my now somewhat damp pants before scaling the wall to Bella's window again. In order to avoid sullying her bed, I stood in the shadow by her desk until my backside was dry again.

It was only shortly after seven, and I could hear the TV running downstairs. Charlie was focused on yet another game. I shook my head, not fully understanding his fascination with sports, though he certainly matched Emmett's enthusiasm for anything to do with any kind of ball.

Bella seemed to be in the kitchen. I could only hear her heartbeat and had no way of telling what she was doing. It frustrated me to no end, and had I been any more desperate, and less worried about being caught, I would have flashed down to her to find out.

Alas, I was stuck in her room, and I cursed under my breath at being separated from my love, by a parent who merely tolerated me on a good day, and despised me on a bad one. I could hardly wait to have those restrictions removed. Closer and closer I moved to the edge of that cliff of not only being forced to allow her change, but to initiate it myself at the earliest opportunity. As long as we wore matching rings on our left hands.

Eventually, Bella came up to her room, and after a long good-night kiss, that left us both aroused and me again on the very edge of my self-control, in no time at all, I tucked her in, and settled beside her to keep her safe throughout the night.

I listened to her talk in her sleep, often silently laughing at the nonsensical utterances that left those luscious lips, my breath hitching at her moans, rejoicing when I heard her say that she loved me. Bella snuggled against me, never moving, and I took comfort from the knowledge that even subconsciously, she knew I was there with her.

Every so often, I would inhale deeply and let the flames rip through my throat. No bloodlust. No monster.

Glorious.

She was still menstruating and it only intensified her magnificent scent. I tried very hard to suppress the perverted images that threatened to float through my mind, but didn't quite succeed, and my erection was prominently and painfully straining against the confines of my pants. For once, thinking of Alice's words, I decided to not feel so ashamed for needing and wanting the sleeping girl beside as much as I did.

Though Bella moaned and stiffened in her sleep when I left her bed, in the wee hours of the night, I simply had to get up and sit in the rocking chair for a while to regain some control and rid myself of the uncomfortable bulge in my khakis, before returning to her. It pleased me immensely to see that the rigidity of her sleeping form left her body as soon as she melted against me once more.

Graduation day dawned with overcast skies, as Alice had predicted. I was thankful yet again that the Olympic Peninsula was one of the most overcast regions in this country.

Charlie left shortly after eight, without checking on Bella. I saw him scribble a note on a piece of paper for her that he would return by one-thirty.

When I couldn't wait any longer to kiss her, with my manhood wrestled into submission, I woke her up with a chaste peck to her soft lips. Her eyes opened slowly and she stretched in my arms. I smiled at her before kissing her again.

I would never tire of kissing her.

I gave her another for good measure.

"Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm," Bella moaned softly. "What time is it?"

"Shortly after nine. Charlie went to work a little while ago, but he left you a note downstairs."

She yawned without covering her mouth, then blushed adoringly. "Sorry," she said, the color in her cheeks intensifying.

I chuckled. "Still tired?"

She shook her head, and wiggled out of my arms. "Be right back. Human minute."

I adored her when she wore the tattered sweatpants and that holey t-shirt. She looked delectable.

With a big grin, I pillowed my hands behind my back and leaned against the headboard. "I'll wait."

She returned shortly thereafter, and I escorted her downstairs for her breakfast. We spend the rest of the morning cleaning the house and doing laundry. Bella seemed preoccupied, biting her lower lip every so often. Each time I wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless, but with an extraordinary amount of effort, I refrained.

Any attempt on my part to find out what was bothering her was blocked by either a nervous glance combined with a dismissive shake of her head, or a hard stare. My attempts at playful teasing were met with a blank stare, and I resumed asking her what was wrong.

When she finally had enough of my probing questions, she snapped at me.

"It's nothing, Edward. I'm just a little nervous about graduation, that's all."

I wasn't satisfied with that answer, but I knew better than to ask her again and invoke more of her ire, though I could see from the worried lines on her forehead and the distant look in her eyes, that she wasn't quite telling me the truth. I was anxiously watching every frown, every forceful swipe of the cloth she used to wipe down the furniture, every sigh, every change in her heartbeat. I felt utterly helpless and shut out, and my frozen heart constricted from the pain of not being allowed to comfort her.

Perhaps the hormonal imbalance of her menstruation was making her moody. My two medical degrees were not completely wasted, and I wondered if she was experiencing cramps, before quickly dismissing the idea. If that was the case, surely she would simply have taken some Midol – I knew she kept a box in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom upstairs.

It had to be the stinking dog, then. I often wondered if she was thinking about him when she was quiet and contemplative like this. Was she worried about him? Was it the newborns that had her concerned about his safety, or the fact that he knew that graduation marked the turning point, quite literally?

I was fairly certain that the pack had no knowledge of what was really brewing in Seattle. It was outside of their territory, and even if they had read the news about the menace that was wreaking havoc on the human population there, they most likely didn't understand the signs, and would believe that this was simply an escalation of gang activity or a serial killer, like the news reports would lead them to believe.

Possibly the latter, then. He would likely do whatever he could to stop her from going through with her choice, doing whatever was in his power to prevent the change. The treaty would be violated, and he knew we would move far away from the area before the transformation would take place. There was no physical boundary associated with that particular key point, but we were all fairly certain the pack wouldn't follow us to whatever remote area we chose to transform Bella into one of us.

A lone wolf was perhaps another issue. I probably needed to consider any possible moves on his part, and watch and listen to him very carefully. Certainly, that meant that any unsupervised interaction between him and Bella was now out of the question.

_Fantastic_. _And just how will you manage to accomplish that_?

I was unable to stifle my groan at the thought, and from the corner of my eye, I saw that Bella looked at me questioningly.

_Crap_.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course," I forced a smile on my face. "I'm fine."

I could tell that she didn't believe me anymore than I had bought her earlier statement, but like me, she chose to let it go.

I returned to the unpleasant thoughts swirling through my mind. Her silence was driving me insane, but I was reluctant to ask her again. I had pushed against the barrier that kept her thoughts hidden from me so many times, I knew there was no point in trying again.

Still, I tried.

Still, I couldn't hear a single thought inside that beautiful head of hers.

_I must be going mad_.

I finally surmised that she was perhaps thinking of the promise Carlisle had made her, and the fear and anguish, and selfish desire, associated with this thought turned the venom in my body to ice. In my nearly frenzied state of worry I got the impression that she perhaps regretted her choice and now felt obligated to go through with it.

Thinking this way made me feel even worse, and I was sorely tempted to bring up the subject, when Bella suddenly glanced at the clock. It was just before one and Charlie would be home in another thirty minutes.

"Oh," she gasped. "I didn't realize the time."

I quickly decided to speak to Carlisle when I went home to change to get his perspective, and wrestle a promise from him that he would let me make sure that Bella still wanted this, and didn't go through with the transformation out of some misguided sense of loyalty, or obligation.

No. If she were to change, it had to be purely because of her desire to spend eternity with me. Any other reason was unacceptable.

Bella looked at me like she expected me to say something.

"I suppose it's time for you to prepare for the big day," I commented her statement, forcing my voice to sound cheerful.

She nodded, and her mouth turned up into half a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I have to shower and get ready."

I smiled. "Of course. Are you excited about the party tonight?"

I probably shouldn't have asked that question, as I watched her face fall back into a frown. "Are you kidding? I'm terrified."

I chuckled. "I'll keep you safe," I promised, gazing at her intensely with the crooked smile I knew she loved.

Though her eyes glazed over and it took a moment for her heart to resume its regular beat, that put a short-lived smile on her lips again.

"No dancing, though," she said forcefully. "Promise."

Well, damn. I had actually been looking forward to holding her in my arms for a few of the slower dances. The look of mock terror in her eyes convinced me to agree, though.

"Not unless you beg me to," I teased her gently, knowing that if I really wanted to, I could dazzle her into dancing with me.

_Devious as that is_.

"Like that'll happen," she snorted. I chuckled again and followed her to the kitchen to watch her put the cleaning supplies away.

"All right," I said reluctantly, not wanting to leave, but knowing I should. "I'll be back shortly before two."

"Okay," she said, reaching for me, and wrapping her warm arms around my waist. "I'll see you then."

I bent down slightly to kiss her. "I love you, my Bella."

"Love you, too," she sighed against my mouth. With great effort, I forced myself to release her and stepped back.

"I'll be back," I said in a convincing imitation of the Terminator, and with a quick wave, went out the back door. Bella's laughter followed me, until I stopped a few yards past the treeline, waiting for Alice to come and watch Bella like she had offered.

I waited impatiently for fifteen minutes, while I heard the water run in the tub, indicating that Bella was in the shower. This spawned off images of water rivulets running down the curves of Bella's naked body, which in turn made my member throb its need back into my consciousness.

_Just what I needed. Another erection_.

I sighed.

Of course, though I had seen other women in the minds of others, in various stages of undress, I was completely unclear on what Bella would look like naked. My only glimpse had been a short moment when Alice had dressed her for prom, and even then she still was clad in her undergarments. I knew though, that she would look simply stunning. Magnificent. Breathtaking.

One day, perhaps soon, I would be privileged to feast my eyes on her glorious body. I, and I alone.

Savage that I was, I could hardly wait for that day to come.

For one split-second, with my manhood straining for release, I contemplated taking matters into my own hand. Literally. Then my phone buzzed, and the images in my head were wiped away.

"I'll be there soon," Alice chirped through the phone. "I'm bringing her outfit with me. By the way, you can't drive yourself to Bella's house because she's coming straight here after her dinner with Charlie, so you can't leave the car there. Rosalie said she'd drive you, which surprised me for a moment. Or Carlisle can, since he's already home. Esme decided yesterday that they needed to make an appearance at graduation to support us, but I know you're going with Bella, and there won't be enough time to drop you off on the way to the school."

Alice's psychic abilities were certainly appreciated at times. "If Carlisle won't mind, I'd like for him to drive me over. It will give me a few minutes of time to discuss something of urgency with him, with some form of privacy. I'd appreciate it if you would not look at that particular part of my immediate future."

"Okay, Edward, whatever you say. Give me a few minutes, and I'll be there."

"I'm waiting."

"Yeah, yeah." She hung up on me. Aggravating.

Though I was glad that we'd had our earlier conversation. Now that I knew the extent of pain my family had gone through, I needed to take the time to make amends with all of them.

Finally, Alice showed up. I'd heard Bella finish her shower and blow-dry her long, gorgeous hair. I hadn't told her about the clothes Alice was bringing for her - no, my sister would get to deal with the girl who rejected all gifts and didn't want any money spent on her. I'd seen in Alice's thoughts what the clothes had cost. I hoped she had enough sense not to tell Bella that even the simplest Donna Karan sweaters usually didn't sell for less than twohundred dollars. Not even on sale. For Alice's sake I was glad that Bella didn't care much about fashion, and likely wouldn't know.

But it was my favorite blue color, and Bella would look so beautiful. I could hardly wait to see her.

"Later," I said with a anticipatory smirk and ran home.

I found Esme standing by the southern wall of windows.

She heard my approach and turned towards me, as the expression of utter remorse on my face registered with her and she immediately became concerned.

"_Edward - what is it, my sweet boy_?"

I strode up to her quickly.

"Esme," I whispered, embracing her. "I owe you an apology. I've behaved so badly. I am so sorry for putting you through those seven months without us, for making you leave, for nearly losing Bella and me forever. I don't remember much of my human mother, but in all these years, you've only ever treated me like a beloved son. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to ask you for your absolution. I love you, mom. Please forgive me."

She gasped at my words, but then her arms wound around my waist and she put her head against my chest. "Oh, Edward. I understand why you did what you thought you had to do. Of course, I'll forgive you. But please, if you value my sanity, don't ever allow this to happen again."

I tensed. "I don't know that I can do that, Esme."

She pulled back a little and lifted her eyes to mine. "Would you leave again?"

I answered honestly. "Only if Bella didn't want me anymore."

Esme scrutinized my face. "Edward - do you truly still doubt her feelings for you? The girl that has only ever loved you? Who brought so much joy to your life and all of ours, who has chosen you over and over again? Do you still doubt her?"

I didn't answer, because the conflict raged in me again. I knew Bella loved me. She was willing to give up everything for me, her family, her friends, her humanity. I didn't deserve those sacrifices, and I had nothing to offer her in return except for an eternity of darkness and perpetual thirst. My heart constricted anew with anguish at the thought of all she would be sacrificing to join me in this life. And in my selfish need, I wanted her to.

Esme saw the pain on my face. "I don't deserve her," I whispered. "She'll be giving up so much for me."

"Edward - hear me. She is your mate. It is irrevocable. It is permanent. It is mutual. If you had realized this sooner, you would have never left her. There is no sacrifice she can make for you that won't be worth it in her eyes. There is nothing you wouldn't do for her to soothe any pain she could ever feel. I have watched you for decades as you retreated further and further into yourself, thinking you were complete on your own, and it left me wondering if you had been changed too early. Loving Bella has freed you from those confines. I have seen you change before my very eyes. She made you whole, as you completed her. You deserve her. She's yours. You must believe that. Believe in her. Believe in yourself. Do not give up now on the only love you'll ever know, I beg you. Promise me."

My knees nearly buckled and the tension seeped out of me as I absorbed her words. Esme confirmed what I had deep in my heart wanted to believe for so long. Bella was my whole world, and had been from the moment I first saw her. Bella was mine. As I was hers. And I would do whatever she asked me, if it meant that I could keep her forever.

It was with deep conviction that I uttered the words Esme asked to hear.

"I promise."

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N:**

As a reference: OED - Oxford English Dictionary.

Coming up next - the graduation. For real, this time. I hope you agree that Edward had to get this difficult conversation with Alice out of the way first. So, if you don't hate me too much right now, won't you click the green button, and tell me what you think? I'd much appreciate it. Reviews make me giddy!!

Thanks for your interest.


	18. Commencements

**Author's Note:** As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are naturally based on the Twilight Saga.

This 18th chapter is called "Commencements". It is the long awaited graduation chapter. It begins with another apology that Edward feels he has to make - this one to his Sire. He doesn't quite hear what he expects.

From there, we follow him and Bella to graduation, and to Bella's hurried confession of what is really going on in Seattle. If you ever wanted to see a vampire go into shock - this is it! Well, for this particular book at least.

A shout-out to my friend **Bitter Shade** for helping me keep my head screwed on, and for letting me bounce ideas off of her. You rock, girl!!!

And then, there was a review that questioned my use of expletives, as Stephenie Meyer only hints around them in her books. As those were written for a YA audience and my story is not, please note the following:

Warning!! There is foul language in this chapter; perhaps more than what you might expect from Edward, however, I beg you to consider the circumstances under which he utters (and mostly thinks) these words. He is still a gentleman towards Bella and that will not change, but he finds himself in situations that simply beg for an expletive or two. Or more. Those of you with sensitive eyes, please feel free to skip right over those parts.

Songs for this chapter: Blue Dress - Depeche Mode (Violator), Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park (Minutes to Midnight), Map of the Problematique - Muse (Black Holes and Revelations), City of Delusion - Muse (Black Holes and Revelations). All songs can be found on various websites for your listening pleasure. Nope, I don't own any of those either.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The fabulous Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

I also don't own anything related to the Wizard of Oz. (I figured I'd throw that in for good measure.)

Read on.

**18. Commencements**

Afternoon.

Feeling somewhat more liberated and hopeful after my conversation with Esme, I was whistling Bella's lullaby as I climbed up the stairs to my room to change for graduation. Carlisle was still in his office, and once I had changed into clothes that Alice had laid out for me, I made my way down to him, the ugly yellow graduation gown draped over my arm, the cap in hand.

"Come in, Edward," he called quietly when I reached his office door.

"Hi, Carlisle," I said as I entered. His gentle eyes took in my expression.

"_I am glad to see you've spoken to Esme_. _She's been waiting to hear those words._" His unmistakable smile told me that he knew why I had seeked him out.

"_You don't have to ask for my absolution, Edward – there is nothing to forgive._"

I just stared at him, not having expected that. "But... "

"No, son," he interrupted, a remorseful expression flickering across his face. "We all had an opportunity to stand against you, but for one reason or another, we all chose to follow your lead. We, too, are at fault here, and we are all very fortunate, that Bella has so readily forgiven not only you, but all of us as well, for abandoning her like we did."

"_I knew better and still, I stood by and let you give up on your own happiness_." He bowed his head.

This felt completely wrong. My breath escaped in a rush, and my teeth snapped together.

"Carlisle," I said through my clenched jaw, "I appreciate the sentiment, but it was I who insisted on leaving-- ,"

"No," he cut me off again, more forcefully, and for the first time since I had woken up to this life, Carlisle's eyes were looking at me in anger that was directed at me. "Enough."

"_I need to_ _say this, Edward, and you _will_ let me_."

I flexed my jaw at this unexpected turn in the conversation but acquiesced.

"Yes, we were all in pain during that time, but we managed in our own ways and survived more or less unscathed. None of us were as affected as Bella and you. I can hardly bear being parted from Esme for more than a few days, and that is knowing I will see her again at the end of that time apart. You entered into your separation with the intention that you would never see Bella again. And she thought the same."

At this point, his anger had turned to pain, and he took a shaky breath.

"And it pains me more than you can imagine to know that I could have prevented it all, your despair, Bella's anguish and our own, if only I had stepped up and spoken my mind, instead of allowing you with your autocratic tendencies to make the decision for us all. I knew what had happened with Jasper was your greatest fear come true. I told her so myself when I was stitching her up, but I never expected you to react in the way you did. And perhaps I was too shocked to act when you came to us that morning and told us that we were leaving, but I cannot use that as an excuse. I should have stopped you, talked to you, attempted to change your mind. I failed you, Edward. I failed her. It is I who should apologize to you and Bella both."

I was rooted to the spot, blown away by his words, and a warm feeling of gratitude expanded through me. I did not deserve his absolution, and I couldn't agree completely with what he said, but it echoed Rosalie's words to me.

Gasping I realized that I would never be even half the man Carlisle was. His kindness and unfailing love for me were overwhelming.

I managed to shake my head. "No, Carlisle – please. I've caused you all so much pain. How can you say that you failed me?"

"Because it was in my power to stop you from walking onto this road to perdition. I knew you had found your mate, but I chose to keep silent, wanting you to come to that realization yourself. I agonized over my decision every day after we left. I wish now that I had told you, even if I wasn't sure you'd believe me."

He took a deep breath. "All this is thankfully in the past. We can only move forward, son. Eternity is too expansive a time to carry all this guilt and remorse. You... _we_ have to let it go."

I didn't know what to say. Carlisle stood up and moved from around his desk to put his hand on my shoulder. He looked me straight in the eye.

My fingers fiddled mindlessly with my graduation cap.

"Love her, Edward, and let her love you. It's all that matters in the end."

I returned his gaze. "Thank you," I said fervently. "I... don't know what to say. Thank you."

Smiling, he changed the subject. "Well, then. Are you ready for me to drop you off at her house?"

"Yes, please," I said eagerly. Carlisle laughed.

In the Mercedes, I turned to him. "Carlisle, I'm worried about the choice Bella made."

He smirked. "Yes, I'm sure you are, son, but I gave her my word."

Immediately, his thoughts drifted back to the night after we had returned from Italy, and my fury at his concession to her.

"That's not what I meant, in actuality," I replied quickly. "I don't want to diminish her choice to spend eternity with me – it's what I want, too."

The smirk turned into a smile. "_Is that so_? _Are you finally allowing yourself to see her choice as something you can and should accept_?"

A thousand times yes.

Selfishly so.

"For myself, I want it more than anything, really. But for her, I want so much more. That aside, I'm worried that she's come to regret that decision, and is now planning on going through with it out of a sense of obligation. I want her to take more time to think about it."

Carlisle's head whipped around to face me and he was no longer smiling. "Edward, are you seriously thinking Bella would join you in this life because she feels _obligated_?"

"You don't think so?"

Carlisle laughed once, hard. "Of course not. Let me ask you something... when you do something for her, is it done out of obligation?"

I bristled with indignation. My eyes narrowed and my words came out in a low growl.

"No, of course not. How can you ask me that? Everything I do, every move I make, every thought I have, is based on my love for her. She's my whole world. I would do anything for her."

He nodded, a small smile playing around his lips and twinkling in his eyes. "_And won't you consider that her actions and choices are driven by the same reason_?"

Oh.

That was the gist of it, wasn't it?

I was still doubting her love for me. After everything she had said and done, confessing her love to me, braving a houseful of vampires to be with me, standing up to an overgrown puppy who tried to kiss her, after seeing for myself how catatonic and numb she had looked during our time apart, after she so bravely raced to Italy without a thought or care towards the danger that would put her in, choosing me over her own life.

After all that – I was still doubting her.

How stupid could I be?

I took a deep breath and grinned crookedly. "I'm such an idiot, Carlisle."

He chuckled. "_Perhaps, though I would never employ that word to describe you_."

"Edward," he replied, serious again, "the most important part of love is faith and trust. Have a little faith in her."

I wished it were that simple. My own insecurities, and my hatred of my dichotomy, a dual being, part monster, part man, were needling me endlessly. Complete faith was so far eluding me.

But I could work on that. I _would _work on that. My eternal happiness depended on not losing her. And my actions were pushing her away.

"I understand your struggles, dear boy. I'll do whatever I can to help you believe that you are good to the core, and that there is nothing evil about you. The choices you have made, and still make every day, the love you hold for Bella, are proof that you are not a monster. I don't believe that monsters have the capacity to love as we do. As _you_ do. But I promise you this – I will _not_ make the same mistake twice."

"_Never again, Edward – never again._"

"Thank you," I whispered. I was suddenly feeling more optimistic than ever before.

He smiled. "_No need_."

"Well, here we are," he said then as he stopped the car in front of Bella's house. I heard Alice move in the woods.

"_We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz_."

I smiled to myself, knowing that she was trying to keep me out of her head to prevent me from seeing Bella in her new clothes, wanting me to get the full effect when my love came to open the door. I thanked her silently.

"Thanks for driving me, Carlisle. I'll see you at the school." I opened the door and climbed out of the car.

"Until then, Edward." He drove off quickly, back towards our house. I quickly checked on the two heartbeats inside the house, and scanned through Charlie's head. He was standing in the hallway, waiting for Bella to come downstairs, his emotional state one of pride and, simultaneously, suppressed sorrow.

"_So proud of her. Pretty soon, she'll be off to college. I'm not ready. I just got her back, and now she'll be leaving again_."

Alice had heard me arrive and broke off mid-song.

"_Hey, you're here_," she said silently. "_I'll be heading home then_."

She resumed her singing as she ran off, noiselessly like the wind, and escaped my range.

I was still grinning when I knocked on the door.

"_Ugh, he's here_. _I don't know what possessed me when I agreed he could ride with us._"

I could see that Charlie had no intention of opening the door.

"_Let him wait. I'll pretend I didn't hear the knock. He'll just have to knock again_."

I sighed and the grin left my face. Would this never end? What could I do to convince Bella's father that I would not ever hurt his daughter? That I would rather die than to put her through anything like those miserable months ever again? What kind of monster did he think I was?

_You hurt her_. _You almost broke her. You left her, you miserable prick._

My guilty conscience reminded me that he had every right to hate me. I hung my head.

Bella came rushing downstairs, and I skipped out of Charlie's mind consciously, so I would have the full effect of her when she opened the door, seeing how he wouldn't do it for her.

"You look nice," I heard him say, sounding gruff with suppressed emotion. He wasn't a man who could express his feelings easily, I knew that. "Is that new?"

"Yeah," Bella mumbled in reply. "Alice gave it to me. Thanks."

Charlie cleared his throat. "Sure, kid." I continued to stay out of his thoughts when I knocked on the door again.

"Door," Charlie said and I heard him moving out of the hall towards the kitchen.

Bella snorted in disgust at his action, or so I hoped, and her footfalls became louder as she closed the distance to the barrier between us.

Finally, the door opened, and Bella was standing in front of me, a vision in a hyacinth-colored sweater with sleeves that ended just above her elbow, and a silk pencil skirt of nearly the same color, that stopped just at her knees. The sweater draped across her narrow shoulders and the soft material, though not skin-tight, clung to her slight form, enhancing every curve of her gorgeous body, from the swell of her perfect breasts to her flat stomach, around her tiny waist and ending right in the middle of her delectably firm bottom. Underneath it, the skirt was also form-fitted, but flared out slightly three inches above the seam to play seductively around her knees.

My eyes raked up and down her body a few times before I was able to look at her face. I swallowed hard when my eyes locked with hers.

_Dear God, but she is beautiful_.

_And she's mine._

Her hair hung in long curls down her back, her cheeks were flushed and the deep chocolate pools of her eyes were gazing at me.

Bella looked absolutely stunning in the simple combination, and she took my breath away.

I was filled with primal desire, tremendous pride and utter love, breathlessly reminding myself that this goddess in front of me was mine, and mine alone.

_Lucky bastard_.

I was suddenly glad that she would be covered up for most of the ceremony by the hideously yellow graduation gown that was draped over her right arm. Otherwise, I might have to crush the heads of the likes of Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley for the wicked and vile thoughts that would surely flow through their minds when they saw my Bella.

And for all their scheming and dreaming, they didn't have a chance in hell. She had chosen me.

_Me_.

_Mine_!

"Hi," Bella said, blushing at the expression on my face.

I inhaled deeply, letting her scent swirl in the back of my throat and reveling in the fire that flared up instantly. I would gladly endure the burn forever if it meant keeping her.

I reached out to take her uninjured hand in mine, raising it to my lips and kissed the back of it.

"Hi," I said hoarsely, struggling to find my voice. "You look beautiful."

Bella giggled, as the rosy color intensified on her cheeks, and enhanced the creamy softness of her skin. I smiled widely, glad that she didn't contradict me as she usually would have. Perhaps she was beginning to see herself through my eyes.

I bent down quickly to kiss her luscious lips. Her heart stuttered for a moment and then sped up, only to return slowly to its usual beat after I released her mouth.

And instantly, I wanted to kiss her again. The greedy monster she had unleashed, reared its ugly head. The desire washed over me, but we were out of time.

"Dad, let's go," she called out, her voice impatient, as she pulled me down the front steps towards Charlie's cruiser. "We'll be late."

"Hold your horses, Bells. I'll be right there. Car's open."

I had just opened the passenger door for Bella when I realized I'd have to ride in the back behind the fiberglass divider. I chuckled silently.

_That ought to make for an interesting drive to school_.

Charlie sauntered out of the door, pulling it shut behind him, not bothering to lock up. He didn't look at me, while he got into the car and turned over the engine, grumbling under his breath. I paid his words no heed, but I hurried to slide into the backseat before he could drive off without me.

Bella twisted in her seat so she could alternately look at me and at her father.

We hadn't traveled more than fifty feet, when Charlie threw a glance at me in the rearview mirror, and I had to suppress a laugh, when I was treated to the hilarity of his thoughts.

"_Now right there is where you belong, you little punk_."

He was imagining dropping Bella off at school and taking me to the station to throw me into one of the holding cells to leave me there for a few days, with only bread and water.

He was struggling to stifle the chuckles that were threatening to bubble to the surface.

As was I.

The images in his head were sharp and clear, and utterly hilarious. I was unable to keep my expression smooth, and my features slipped into a small smile that was playing around my lips. Every so often, he would sneak another peek at me while he was giving in to his daydreams about unleashing the full force of the Chief of Police on me, a tiny smile crinkling his eyes.

The image changed and he was now roughly hauling me, in handcuffs, in front of a judge.

"_Charge_?" the judge's stern voice boomed down at us.

"_Speeding_," Charlie's voice replied in the same stern manner. "_Twice the legal limit_."

I wondered briefly how he knew that I habitually sped in my car, not having caught me doing so, but then decided that it was probably just something he expected from what he perceived to be a normal teenage boy.

Bella's eyes narrowed as she took in my expression and compared it to her father's, and I knew in that moment, that my smart girl had figured out what was going on. And that she wouldn't like it one tiny bit.

She scowled quietly, knowing also that she was powerless to stop it, that there was no way to bring this up without giving away my secret.

I knew she likely hated that even more.

"_Anything else_?" the judge asked in Charlie's mind.

"_Underage drinking. Oh, and breaking my daughter's heart._" I locked my jaw to stop myself from growling at the latest accusation, because I knew it was true.

"_Sentence is fifty years in a maximum security prison. Take him away._"

Fifty years? If I hadn't been cringing internally with the pain of his little reminder, I probably would have laughed at the unusually long sentence for speeding and drinking.

In his mind, Charlie roughly pulled me out of the courtroom and tossed me into the back of his cruiser. He then personally dropped me off at prison facility.

"_Have a nice stay_."

Suddenly, he glanced at Bella's face and registered the narrowed eyes. In that instant, guilt was the foremost thought on his mind, and the images disappeared.

"_She looks pissed_. _Did she guess_? _I'd better stop_."

Thankfully, by that time we arrived at the school. As soon as Charlie opened the door to let me out of my confinement, as he was not daring to upset Bella any further by leaving me in there, I was running around the cruiser to help Bella from the car. She again had a very pensive look in her eyes, almost as if she were scared or nervous.

"Are you all right?" I whispered as I held out my hand for her to climb from the front seat.

"Nervous," she replied simply. It confirmed my suspicion and I silently sighed in relief. I didn't want her to worry about anything in this moment.

"You are so beautiful," I told her reverently, my voice slipping down into a husky tone, when she stood in front of me, her long hair flowing down her back, her soft skin glowing with a slight blush.

I had planned to give her another compliment, but Charlie had reached us, and brusquely pushed himself between us to put his arm around her shoulder.

"_Move along, Cullen_."

Her hand fell from mine, and he pulled her towards the school.

I very nearly snarled in frustration and sudden fury but reigned myself in at the very last minute.

_That would have gone over well_.

_Not_.

I followed them at a small distance.

"Are you excited?" he asked her, pretending to be cheerful and happy about her graduation.

"Not really," Bella replied a little glumly.

He didn't like that answer very much.

"Bella, this is a big deal. You're graduating from high school. It's the real world for you now. College. Living on your own... You're not my little girl anymore." Charlie was suddenly fighting tears.

"_I'm losing her. What am I gonna do_?"

Well, for one, she wouldn't be living on her own, but with me. Not that I could really tell him that, and even if I had been able to, I sincerely doubted that knowledge would make him feel any better.

And secondly, while I could appreciate his sentiment, she hadn't looked like a little girl in all the time I'd known her. Certainly, her draw for me had never been that of the child-friendly variety. Neither at the beginning, nor now. Especially not now.

_God, how I need her_.

But of course, he was right. And he had no idea how thoroughly he would lose her if Bella went through with her choice. In that aspect, I myself was a little subdued at her having reached this milestone.

"Dad," Bella moaned, "please don't get all weepy on me."

I nearly laughed. Neither one of them was good at discussing emotions with each other.

"Who's weepy?" Charlie nearly growled, embarrassed to have been called out on his emotions in front of me.

I decided that an immediate, thorough study of the cloud cover above us might convince him that I hadn't been listening, as he was already turning his head slightly to glance at me.

"_Did he hear that_?"

I keep my eyes focused on the sky.

"_Guess not._"

"Now, why aren't you excited?" he returned his attention to Bella without further thought of me.

I checked to see if Alice had already arrived with Carlisle and Esme.

My adoptive parents sat quietly in a corner of the spectator rows in the gym, while Alice had chosen to remain outside, thinking of the party, and the list of things to do she had left for Jasper and Emmett.

Already the cacophony of mental voices inside the gym was driving me mad. The thoughts flew across the parking lot, and I had to concentrate to drown them out so I could listen to Bella and Charlie.

I threw a quick glance at them, skipping quickly from Charlie's expression of forced cheerfulness to Bella's face as she opened her mouth to answer his question.

"I don't know, Dad. I guess it hasn't hit yet or something," Bella replied. There was a short moment when a worried crease appeared on her forehead, but I could see how she caught herself and smoothed it out before it had registered with Charlie.

What was she so worried about? I quickly went back to staring holes into the sky before she noticed that I was glancing at her.

Charlie chuckled. "It's good that Alice is throwing this party. You need something to perk you up."

I grimaced at his words, knowing that this comment was surely not going to make her feel better. Had he meant that or was he being sarcastic?

A quick check made me realize that Charlie had only tried to distract her by teasing her gently about her aversion to anything that might make her the center of attention. Bella knew quite well that, though it was billed as a party for the three of us, Alice had organized the whole thing just for her.

The palpable excitement of the senior and junior class after receiving their invitations had been a clear indicator that most, if not all of them, would show up to see the mysterious Cullens inside our home with their own eyes.

I wondered if Bella realized this.

Probably not.

Or, if she did, she had suppressed it, as she usually did with anything she found unpleasant.

"Sure," Bella said, her voice dripping with veiled sarcasm. "A party's exactly what I need."

Charlie laughed, and I had a difficult time suppressing my own mirth.

Indeed.

Perhaps I could find a way to make the party more endurable for my love. It had worked at prom – and maybe if I stayed by her side throughout, it would work again.

That would also serve to keep the vultures at bay.

I smiled just a little when I thought of our first official dance.

The image of Bella begging me to change her then shoved itself rudely to the forefront of my mind, and I nearly gasped from the agony of the conflict this thought set off inside me.

_No. _

_Yes. Yes, please._

_No._

_Shut up. _

_No!_

_It's her choice._

Charlie squeezed her shoulder, and through his mind, I could see Bella glance at me. I kept my eyes on the clouds, but was unable to completely keep my face from showing the myriad of emotions that were rolling through me by that time.

He had to leave us when we reached the back door of the gym, and with another squeeze to Bella's shoulder, he walked off to enter the school through the front entrance.

I quickly moved to Bella's side and interlaced my fingers with hers, as we walked into the gym.

The noise, external and internal, was at pandemonium level, and the voices were making my ears ring and my brain hurt. Bella pulled herself closer to me as she took in the scene in front of us.

It was a madhouse.

Ms. Cope and Mr. Varner were lining up students in alphabetical order, and I hated that I would have to stand far away from Bella during the ceremony, unable to hold her in my arms.

Poor Ms. Cope was flustered, her face flushed, her high heart rate slightly unhealthy for a woman of her age, as she tried to direct students into the correct spots.

"_What's his last name again? Harris. No. Harrison. Okay, next. Oh, there's Swan and Cullen. Gosh, they look so adorable together._"

I stifled a smile. At least she was no longer fawning over me in her thoughts.

Bella's heart was beating faster than usual, and the nervousness was rolling in waves off her body. I gave her hand one more reassuring squeeze.

"Up front, Mr. Cullen," the pathetic math teacher barked his displeasure at me.

"_Come on, move, kid, we haven't got all day_."

"Hey, Bella." Jessica Stanley was waving from the back of the line, smiling at my love. I had no interest in hearing what her vitriolic mind might cook up, but checked quickly anyway, out of habit and, admittedly, curiosity. Jessica Stanley didn't like Bella, though she pretended otherwise for a while, but after our return from Italy, had kept her distance, like so many others.

I saw nothing untoward in her thoughts – she was just gushing with excitement and reminiscence and a small twinge of sorrow that high school was over.

I reluctantly let go of Bella's hand and quickly bent down to kiss her. "I'll be back after this is over. Are you going to be all right?"

She nodded, and with a sigh, I turned and walked down the aisle to stand with my assigned group. Where the hell was Alice?

"Down here, Bella," Jessica called again.

I watched Bella through Jessica's eyes, as this allowed me to see her face. She was walking towards the stupid girl with a hesitant expression on her face.

I couldn't blame her.

Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley were standing together, watching Bella's back intently, both of them thinking exactly what I had expected, and it gave me great pleasure to stare at them with such deathly menace that their minds became scrambled the instant they noticed I was looking at them.

I realized that I was perhaps overdoing it just a little, but in that moment, I did not care. Damn them for thinking about Bella that way.

"_Oh crap_, _Cullen caught me staring at Bella's ass_." Tyler nearly jumped out of his skin.

Mike had a similar reaction, and both dropped their eyes to the ground.

I allowed a satisfied smirk to cross my face.

"_What's up with Jessica? Wonder why she's suddenly so friendly to Bella_."

Angela's thought penetrated my mind and I smiled to myself. This was a girl who was worthy of Bella's friendship. She and little Ben Cheney were good people.

Jessica was babbling before Bella even reached her.

"Gosh, this is so amazing. It mean, it seems like we just met, and now we're graduating together," the words gushed out of her silly mouth as Bella approached the spot where she was standing.

"_And you'll be off to college with Edward Cullen. I wonder if they're doing it. He's so fucking hot, and he must be a god in bed_."

I was assaulted by images I had no wish to see, especially not now. At least, in this particular fantasy, she wasn't replacing Bella with herself. No, she was actually imagining Bella and I having sex.

My groin twitched.

_Oh, God, not now_.

_I'm such a deviant._

I skipped out of her head immediately and focused only on her spoken dribble, though that meant I could no longer see Bella's face. I turned to look at Bella from where I was standing, but she had her back to me.

_Damn_.

Her firm bottom looked amazing from my viewpoint and I breathed a small sigh of relief when she shrugged into the graduation robe to cover it up.

I put mine on, too, as I chatted absentmindedly with Ben, who was excited to be attending the University of Washington after the summer, together with Angela.

"You guys are headed up to Alaska, right?" he asked me after he had told me about his dorm assignments, and the classes he was going to take.

"Yes," I replied, easily sliding into the lie. "We'll both be in Juneau."

"That's cool, man," he said. "I'm really glad Ange and I are going to the same college. You know..."

His voice had dropped to a whisper. "I don't know if I ever told you this, but you were the reason I actually asked her out."

"_Shit, did I just say that_?"

"Really?" I made my voice sound surprised. "No, you never told me. And here I thought you asked her because you liked her," I teased him.

He had the good sense to blush.

"_I should've kept my mouth shut_."

"Well, yeah, sure, that was the main reason, but I... er... overheard you once in class talking to your brother, and I... uh... got the impression that you were going to ask her yourself."

"_Oh my God, I just admitted to being jealous of Edward Cullen_."

"Hmm," I said, laughing internally at his discomfort of bringing the subject up in the first place, but I wanted to make him feel better.

"Well, Ben, trust me... I was already in love with Bella at the time, but I didn't want my brother to know... you know?" I winked at him conspiratorially.

He chuckled. "Yeah... I guess I can see that. Well, anyway, I'm really glad I did ask her out. She's sure something."

"That she is, Ben, and as far as Bella told me, Angela really loves you."

His blush intensified and his thoughts turned to mush. That was the end of the conversation.

Alice still hadn't appeared, and I searched out Carlisle and Esme in the audience. Carlisle's arms were around Esme, but his eyes were on me, concerned, and I entered his thoughts.

"_Where is she_?" he wondered just like I did.

I shrugged in answer and wondered if she was going to skip graduation. I couldn't even hear her thoughts now.

On stage, Mr. Greene was walking up to the microphone and cleared his throat. The overwhelming din died down, and was reduced to the sound of feet shuffling and the occasional cough from the students and the audience.

Of course, it was as loud as before in my head, and I had to concentrate to block the invading thoughts.

After a short introduction, the principal turned the microphone over to the valedictorian and I tried to focus on Eric Yorkie, who began his long and winding speech about commencement meaning "beginning". I had started to give him the benefit of the doubt, but could quickly see that there was nothing original to his words. I didn't care to count the times I had heard a valedictorian's speech in my lifetime, and they were all the same, trite nonsense.

Where the hell was Alice? I tried to find her mental voice, and finally, as Mr. Greene walked back up the to podium, and started calling out names, I was able to locate her.

I heard Carlisle and Esme sighing a mental breath of relief as they caught sight of Alice.

I caught the first few words of the Battle Hymn of the Republic as she began reciting it, very slowly, in Arabic, as the principal called her name, and she flitted on stage without even looking at me.

My name was called immediately after, and I followed her, my curiosity inflamed at her mental games, wondering what she was keeping me from seeing.

She wouldn't keep anything bad from me, so I decided it had to do with something she had planned for the party.

Ms. Cope was having a hard time keeping up with Mr. Greene as he read the student names from a list, worrying about handing him the wrong diplomas.

"Congratulations, Mr. Cullen," the principal mumbled as he shoved another diploma I didn't need into my hand.

"Thank you, Sir," I muttered and quickly turned away, only to see Alice flit back out of the gym, having moved on to the Korean sign language.

This was bothering me just a little now. What had the annoying fortune-teller cooked up now that I wasn't allowed to see? I almost growled in frustration.

The line continued to shrink, and I finally heard Bella's name called. This prompted a loud cheer from the back of the gym, and my head whipped around at the sound. My eyes narrowed as I took in the mongrel standing next to his father and Charlie, hooting and whistling in a completely inappropriate manner. He even tried to pull Charlie out of his seat to join him in the cheering.

For a short moment, his eyes locked with mine, and I could feel the snarl building in my chest as my mind was subjected to his thoughts. My hand curled violently around the useless piece of paper I was holding, and I had to force myself to relax before I would shred it to pieces.

"_Yeah, bloodsucker, I'm here. Whatcha gonna do?_"

_Nothing, you fucking fleabag. Not now. Ask me again later._

I stood impotently, frustrated at having to ignore him, and focused my attention on Bella as she walked across the stage to accept her diploma.

In that moment, my pride in her took over, and I pushed the fury and jealousy into a deep recess of my mind, willing myself to enjoy watching my love mumble her thanks to a frazzled principal, and wrap her hands around this most important piece of paper that allowed us to start our life together, without parental restrictions, in just a few, short weeks.

And only Bella could manage to look beautiful, even when she was covered up by that hideously yellow graduation robe.

Mine. She was mine.

We all assembled at the front of the stage, still in alphabetical order, and as Mr. Greene went through the motions of officially presenting the Class of 2007, yellow caps began to fly above our heads, and sudden roars of cheering drowned out the last of his words.

It was done.

I wasn't sure whether I should feel elated that an obstacle to my and Bella's future together had been removed, or sad that this day marked the passing of the deadline of Carlisle's promise.

I supposed it was a little of both. I could hardly wait to start our life together, but I wanted her to have more time to be human.

_Quit being so morose and enjoy what you've been given_.

With a sigh, I quickly made my way to Bella, having to be careful as I pushed through the throngs of people, not wanting anyone to touch me and come into contact with my frigid skin.

Jessica Stanley was blubbering next to Bella, tears running down her face, her mind unable to keep up with the onslaught of her emotions. She tried to elicit a promise from Bella to keep in touch as she threw her hands around Bella's neck to hug her.

"I'm so glad I know you, Jessica," I heard Bella say in response. "It was a good two years."

"It was," Jessica sighed, sniffing, before she dropped her arms and squealed as her eyes fell on Lauren Mallory.

Everyone was surrounded by their families, and I knew I had only a few minutes while Charlie said goodbye to the Blacks until he would join Bella on the gym floor and likely push me away from her again. At least they would not be coming with us to dinner.

_Best to make most of my time_.

"Congratulations," I whispered into her ear as I wound my arms around Bella's waist and she melted against my chest for a moment before she resumed craning her head to look around the gym.

Odd.

"Um, thanks," Bella replied absentmindedly, the small worry crease again prominent on her forehead.

Very odd.

"You don't look like you're over the nerves yet," I challenged her gently. What was she so worried about?

"Not quite yet." Her voice began to sound clipped and somewhat strained.

"What's left to worry about? The party? It won't be that horrible."

"You're probably right." She was still looking around, only barely paying attention to me.

"Who are you looking for?" I finally asked curiously.

"Alice – where is she?"

She was probably home by now. Her behavior had confused me and I looked at the back door of the gym as if I would find an answer there.

"She ran out as soon as she had her diploma."

"Worrying about Alice?" Bella asked me pointedly.

"Er..." What was I supposed to say? That she had kept me out of her head and I had no idea why? That would only worry Bella more.

"What was she thinking about, anyway? To keep you out, I mean?"

My eyes flashed to her face, narrowed in suspicion. I took a small step back and released my hold on her.

"She was translation the Battle Hymn of the Republic into Arabic, actually. When she finished that, she moved on to Korean sign language."

Bella's answering laugh was touching on nervousness. "I suppose that _would_ keep her head busy enough."

Was this some kind of conspiracy these two had come up with, devised to drive me mad?

"You know what she's hiding from me," I accused her.

"Sure," Bella smiled but it was feeble. "I'm the one who came up with it."

What?

I waited anxiously for her to fill me in.

Bella looked around, nervous again. "Knowing Alice," she whispered, the words rushing out of her mouth, "she'll probably try to keep this from you until after the party. But since I'm all for the party being canceled – well, don't go berserk, regardless, okay? It's always better to know as much as possible. It has to help somehow."

I felt my insides starting to freeze as I absorbed Bella's words.

"What are you talking about?"

Charlie was getting close. He was already waving at us over the crowd. Almost out of time.

"Just stay calm, okay?" Bella beseeched me.

I nodded, my mouth a grim line, waiting for an explanation that would make sense of this madness.

"I think you're wrong about things coming at us from all sides. I think it's mostly coming at us from one side... and I think it's coming at me, really."

Debilitating horror hit me squarely in the chest like a ton of bricks, like a battering ram. My breath escaped in a violent hiss.

The world came to a screeching halt.

Time lost its meaning.

The noises around us faded to a mild din as the sheer terror started to roar in my ears. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't think.

I was barely able to listen to the words that continued to fall from Bella's lips.

Everything disappeared but her.

"It's all connected, it has to be. It's just one person who's messing with Alice's visions. The stranger in my room was a test, to see if someone could get around her. It's got to be the same one who keeps changing his mind, and the newborns, and stealing my clothes – all of it goes together. My scent is for them."

Incapacitating dread caused the fluids to rush from my face, and pooled in the pit of my stomach. I felt sick to my core. My mouth opened in a silent scream as I realized that Bella was right.

_Oh Christ, please no!_

_Oh, no, no, nonononono!_

Bella's voice started to falter as she took in my expression, staring intently at my face.

"But no one's coming you for you, don't you see? This is good – Esme and Alice and Carlisle, no one wants to hurt them!"

My eyes were nearly bulging out of my face as panic and utter terror blazed in every cell of my body. Dazed, I tried to extend my hands towards her, but my fingers only curled into claws by my side.

Bella put a hot hand on my cheek. "Calm," she pleaded with me again.

Someone intended to harm Bella. Someone was creating an army of vampires for the single purpose of killing Bella. Her proximity to me, my family, our monstrous existence, was putting her in danger yet again.

And she expected me to be fucking _calm_?

I was consumed by an overwhelming urge to grab hold of her and flee to the ends of the earth, but there were too many people around to observe our flight, and Charlie had finally reached us. He was already shouting her name as he pushed his way through the last few people in his path.

_Grab her. Run! NOW!_

_Too late._

_Fuck!_

"Congratulations, baby!" Charlie crowed, wrapping his arms around her and blocking her from my view.

I let him, still frozen to the spot, my mind going into overdrive as I thought of the ramifications of Bella's insight.

I struggled to regain control while Charlie stood with his back to me and gushed to Bella about the Blacks coming to see her graduation. She leaned her head around him to keep her eyes on me, while she answered him.

There were twenty or more newborns in Seattle, wild and savage, bloodthirsty and without conscience - created to rip my only love from me.

A small flame of utter fury started in the pit of my stomach and quickly grew to an inferno, engulfing my entire being. The violent liquid fire of my rage finally defrosted me. My vision was surrounded by a red haze and venom flooded my mouth.

How could we have missed this connection? How had Alice not seen it?

I felt the urgent need to wrap my fingers around something, anything, and destroy it, bringing the full force of my strength to bear.

Preferably Alice's skinny neck if I could distract Jasper long enough.

_Must get out of here._

_Can't leave Bella_.

_Must protect Bella_.

For once, I was glad that Charlie was interfering. Their dinner would give me time to gather myself, and get with my family. And yell at Alice for a while.

"You coming, too, Edward?" Charlie asked, turning slightly as Bella looked at me beseechingly. I had just enough time to pull my face into a slightly less fierce expression before he looked at me.

"No, thank you," I replied stiffly, my voice hard.

He was surprised by my tone and his face slipped into a frown at my nearly hostile answer, but I really didn't care about offending him at this point.

"Do you have plans with your parents?" he pressed further.

"Yes. If you'll excuse me... " I turned abruptly and strode quickly through the remaining crowd to find Carlisle and Esme.

Alice was long gone.

For the very first time, I was nearly angry with Bella. She had kept this to herself, knowing I would completely freak out when I found out the truth.

_Okay, moron, maybe that's why she kept it from you_.

That particular anger dissipated quickly. My ire with Alice remained in full force.

I barely registered Charlie's feeling of guilt as he watched me stalk off. "What did I say?"

"_Son_," I heard Carlisle, "_meet us outside_."

They already knew. Renewed fury clawed at my insides and nearly burned me alive.

What the hell had Alice been thinking when she chose to keep me in the dark about this?

God, I'd been so fucking blind. _I_ should have seen this connection much sooner.

They were waiting by the Mercedes in the far corner of the lot.

"Where is she?" I furiously snarled as I reached them. "I'll rip her little head off. I hope she has a _very _good explanation why she didn't tell me about this."

Esme put her hand on my arm, trying to comfort me.

"_It will be okay, Edward_."

I glared at her briefly.

"Please calm down, son," Carlisle said soothingly. "She just found out this afternoon, shortly before you arrived at Bella's house. According to Alice, Bella actually was the one who put two and two together."

"Yes, and it's only thanks to _her_ that I even know about it," I spat in a deep growl, barely containing my rage.

"Come on, let's drive home so we can all talk about this. Where is Bella?"

"With Charlie. He's taking her to the Lodge for dinner." My voice was clipped.

"Is he bringing her over later?"

"Yes."

"_All right, then. Shall we_?" Carlisle reached for my arm.

"No!" I seethed through clenched teeth, yanking away from him. "Do you _really_ think I would let her out of my sight now?"

Carlisle sighed. "_No, of course not_."

"Unless you're telling me we're leaving for Seattle _right now_," I said bitingly, "I will follow Bella to the restaurant and then to the house. Alice will just have to wait."

"Very well, Edward," he conceded quickly. "We will see you later."

Esme moved over to me and hugged me fiercely, worriedly. "_Please don't worry, sweetheart_."

There was no chance in hell of_ that_ happening, but I nodded once before turning around, and walked away.

Most of the graduates and their parents were already heading to the Lodge. The school parking lot was nearly empty, and Bella had already left with Charlie.

Twilight was descending, and I was able to stay in the shadows as I quickly made my way to the restaurant, hiding in the trees that surrounded the parking lot.

The entire way there, I was berating myself for my stupidity, muttering profanities and idle threats under my breath.

They were sitting at Charlie's regular table, which put Bella's back to the window.

The restaurant was bursting with people, mostly seniors and their respective parents, enjoying a post-graduation family dinner. Their minds were buzzing with excitement about the party that was to follow.

My eyes stayed on Bella's slight form, as I skipped into Charlie's head to get a glimpse of her face. He was too busy socializing with the locals to be looking at her.

Damn.

I scanned the thoughts of the others, desperately trying to find anyone that was thinking about her or looking at her.

For once, no one did.

_This must be some cosmic joke_.

Still in a red-hazed rage, I tried to calm myself by imagining putting my fingers around Alice's scrawny neck and squeezing the breath of out her for just one moment.

Not that I would be allowed to get that close to her once Jasper caught a whiff of my fury, but it felt good to imagine it, anyway.

It would also likely prompt a call in short order.

My phone buzzed and I ripped it from my pocket.

"What the hell were you _thinking_, Alice?" I hissed into the phone when I picked up. "Why the _hell_ would you conspire to keep this from me?"

"I can't believe Bella told you in the middle of the gym," she offered, sounding incredulous, as if that would answer my question.

"It didn't go over well, as I am sure you already saw," I seethed, trembling with suppressed rage, "and you had the opportunity to prevent it."

"Bullshit," she snapped back. "Your reaction would have been a hundred times worse and it would have completely ruined Bella's graduation. Not to mention that Charlie would have seen you tearing through his house, leaving a wide path of destruction. How were you planning to explain _that_ to him?"

That shut me up for a moment. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

_Yes, Charlie, I'm completely and utterly flipping out because there are a bunch of newly made vampires threatening to kill Bella_.

"And you can quit thinking about strangling me, because I already saw that would only end in a fight between you and Jazz, and we can't really afford to have either of you hurt right now. Wouldn't you agree, Edward?" Alice's voice rose at the end and the sarcasm was unmistakable.

I hated it when she was right, and I was not.

Damn her.

"All right, fine," I spat into the phone. "Another time, then."

She had the gall to laugh.

"Okay," I conceded the point. "I suppose you were justified in keeping me in the dark. When had you planned to fill me in?"

"At the party, or shortly thereafter. I didn't want to ruin any of this for Bella. Do you understand now?"

"I guess so," I replied, still a little petulant. "I really hate not knowing."

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

"So, I probably won't strangle you when I get home."

"I'd appreciate that." Alice's melodic laughter was like bells in my ear.

"I'd like to tell you that you're welcome, but I'm still mad," I half-teased, but continued seriously. "Actually, I'm beyond terrified."

"Edward, it will be all right. It won't change our plan. We'll still go to Seattle the day after tomorrow. We'll take care of them."

A new line of thought hit me at that moment, and I could already feel the chill of renewed dread in my bones.

"I'm not sure, Alice. We still don't know who is creating the newborns. We have to eliminate that threat, too, or we'll just be killing neophytes forever."

"You're right. I wonder if Jazz realizes this. It's never come up. We obviously need to talk."

"Yes, definitely. After the party."

"When will you be home?"

"Whenever Bella's finished here and makes it to the house. Hopefully, not much longer."

"Keep it together, Edward. Don't ruin the party for her. Got that? Okay. Bye." With that, she was gone.

The minutes dragged by, but finally dinner seemed to be over. Bella stood up.

"In a hurry?" Charlie asked. "_Always so anxious to get back to him._"

"I want to help Alice set things up," Bella lied unconvincingly.

"Okay," Charlie replied. He didn't believe her.

Bella came out the door and leaned against the passenger side of the police cruiser, closing her eyes for a moment.

Her head whipped around sharply as I moved out of the shadows towards her, and I could hear her heartbeat spike. Unable to speak, I pulled her tightly against me, relieved to my core at having her in my arms safe and sound.

I gently lifted her face up to mine and claimed her mouth. My kiss was filled with underlying tension, but I needed to feel her lips on mine to stay within the realm of sanity.

"How are you?" Bella asked as soon as I released her lips.

"Not so great," I mumbled, pressing my nose against the throbbing artery on her neck and inhaling her scent. Flames shot down my throat. I burned happily.

"But I've got a handle on myself," I continued, "I'm sorry that I lost it back there."

"My fault," she said quietly. "I should have waited to tell you."

"No," I disagreed hotly, incredulously. "This is something I needed to know. I can't believe that I didn't see it!"

_I must be exceptionally dense_!

"You've got a lot on your mind," Bella offered, as if that were an excuse.

Air escaped me in a hiss. "And you don't?"

I reclaimed her lips in a frenzy, kissing her hard. I was terrified to lose her, utterly panicking at the thought.

Then Charlie invaded my mind.

"_Where did she go_?"

I pulled back quickly. "Charlie's on his way," I explained when I saw the question in her eyes.

"I'll have him drop me at your house," Bella promised.

"I'll follow you there," I told her and disappeared again into the trees.

"That's not really necessary," she tried.

I snorted in response.

Charlie called her name from the doorway, unable to see her in the darkness.

"I'm out here," she called out in response.

He slowly walked to the cruiser, all the while muttering under his breath.

"What's the rush? Party won't start without you. Always so impatient."

I followed them along the side of the road, staying inside the tree line. Seeing that they were talking while Charlie drove, I strained my ears to catch the conversation, peppering it with my own internal commentary as I listened. It helped me keep my grip on my last remnants of control.

"So, how do you feel? It's been a big day."

_You have no idea how big, Charlie_.

"I feel fine."

_Liar_.

Charlie laughed disbelievingly. "Worried about the party?"

_Not exactly_.

"Yeah."

_Liar_.

"You were never one for the parties."

_That was an understatement if I'd ever heard one_.

"Wonder where I get that from," Bella murmured softly.

Charlie chuckled at the insinuation, trying to hide the guilty feelings that were welling up inside him. "Well, you look really nice. I wish I'd thought to get you something. Sorry."

I expected Bella to brush it off, and she didn't disappoint.

"Don't be silly, Dad."

He then proceeded to apologize for not having shown her how to throw a proper punch, and that brought on the topic of the stinking dog, and he let loose some moronic comment about right and wrong that was only intended to pressure her more. I was snarling and growling under my breath as I was running along with the cruiser.

"Where's the turnoff, again?" he asked, squinting ahead into the night. "They ought to clear out their drive – it's impossible to find in the dark."

_It keeps the riff-raff out_.

"Just around the bend, I think," Bella answered. "You know, you're right – it is impossible to find. Alice said she put a map in the invitation, but even so, maybe everyone will get lost."

She sounded almost cheerful at the thought, and I chuckled darkly, knowing that Alice had taken additional precautions against just that.

"Maybe," Charlie said, chortling quietly to himself as he rounded the last curve. "Or maybe not."

He'd registered the thousands of twinkling lights Alice had forced Jasper and Emmett to put into the trees, along all three miles of the winding drive.

Nobody would get lost.

"Alice," Bella exclaimed as if the word was an expletive.

I very nearly laughed.

"Wow," I heard Charlie say as I sped up and raced ahead, to wait underneath the trees that lined the front lawn for Bella to arrive.

It took exactly seven minutes and forty-two seconds until Charlie's cruiser rounded the last curve in the drive, and his eyes took in the lit-up house.

My right foot was tapping impatiently on the soft ground the entire time.

"She doesn't do things halfway, does she?" he muttered, in awe of what he perceived as Alice's knack for paying attention to even the most minute details.

"Sure you don't want to come in?" Bella asked him as she threw open the passenger door.

"Extremely sure. Have fun, kid." Charlie's grin split his face.

"Thanks so much, Dad," she replied, her voice utterly acerbic.

He was laughing as she slammed the door, and he drove off. I heard Bella's soft sigh, as she turned to walk up the stairs to the porch.

I waited until the lights from the cruiser had disappeared into the trees before stepping out of the shadows to run up to her.

I was anxious to wrap her in my arms and kiss her, utterly terrified that somehow we'd only have very little time left for us.

I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N: **So - what say you, dear readers? Was it what you expected? Too much? Something missing? Reviews make me giddy!!!


	19. Solutions

**Author's Note:** As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are naturally based on the Twilight Saga.

This 19th chapter is called "Solutions". Please join Edward and Bella at the graduation party at the Cullen home. It has long bothered me when reading this chapter in Eclipse that Edward is absent for most of it. Where the hell is he??? Why is he leaving Bella to fend off the wolves alone? Well - after much consideration, I think I have come up with a believable scenario. Please take a moment after reading this chapter to let me know if you agree.

This chapter was difficult to write - there is so much going on, Edward is going out of his mind and still has to listen and absorb all the conversations and thoughts going on around him. Complete overload.

A **HUGE THANK YOU** to all who have read and reviewed the fruits of my labor of love.

Warning!! There is foul language in this chapter; perhaps more than what you might expect from Edward, however, I beg you to consider the circumstances under which he utters (and mostly thinks) these words. He is still a gentleman towards Bella and that will not change, but he finds himself in situations that simply beg for an expletive or two. Or more. Those of you with sensitive eyes, please feel free to skip right over those parts.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The fabulous Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

**19. Solutions**

Evening.

"Bella?" I called out softly, not wanting to startle her as I closed the short distance between us. She turned at my voice, as I jumped up the stairs, sweeping her tightly into my arms, and claimed her lips in a searing, tension-filled kiss.

My frozen heart constricted with unbraced fear that I might only have a limited number of kisses left to give her, fighting back the sudden urge to sling her across my back and flee.

I moved urgently against her mouth, my hand firmly grasping the back of her head, and Bella responded in kind, wrapping her arms around my neck and lacing her fingers through my hair. After a several too-short seconds, I forced myself to break away from her lips, and both of us were breathing rapidly.

Sighing, I pressed my forehead against hers, as I listened to her heartbeat slow down again. Our eyes were closed, as I allowed myself to enjoy this fleeting moment.

Finally, Bella unwound her arms and pulled away, grabbing my hand.

"Let's get this stupid party over with," she grumbled, as she tugged on me to march towards to the door.

I put both my hands on either side of her face, waiting patiently until she raised her eyes to mine, before I spoke a fervent promise.

"I won't let anything happen to you."

She lifted the fingers of her uninjured hand to my mouth. I softly breathed against them and pursed my lips in silent acquiescence. Her inner strength, something I had foolishly failed to see for a long time, blew me away.

"I'm not worried about myself so much," she said, gazing into my eyes, and removed her hand.

Of course not. She was taking her self-sacrificing nature to the extreme. I could not prevent my ire at her words to escape my mouth.

"Why am I not surprised by that?" I muttered. I took a deep breath to clear my head of all thoughts of impending doom and planted a small smile on my face.

There was much work and talk still to be done.

"Ready to celebrate?" I asked her, only half-mockingly. I made a silent promise that I would do whatever was required to ensure that she would have a good time at this party. I owed it to her for what she already had to endure today.

Bella groaned in response, as I opened the door, and with a firm hand on her waist, guided her inside. She froze as she took in the scene in front of her.

Alice had been very busy.

"Unbelievable," Bella exclaimed after a long minute, shaking her head slowly.

I shrugged dismissively. "Alice will be Alice," I said lightly.

It was sufficient explanation for the sight in front of us. The little pixie had gone completely overboard, as usual.

Various shades of red and purple lights were flashing from every possible corner, illuminating the huge, revolving disco ball she had made Emmett affix to the ceiling of the family room.

Esme had only consented to that plan after hours of Alice begging, and promising to put everything back into its original state as quickly as possible after the party.

The metal window shutters were closed, and the only real illumination, at least to human eyes, was coming from strategically placed spot lights over the dining room table and the various coat stands placed along the southern wall.

My beloved piano had been banished to the attic and I had extracted a promise from Alice that it would once again grace the living room tomorrow morning. Both Emmett and Jasper had already been given their orders, so to speak.

I had already resigned myself to having to tune it again afterwards.

_Anything for Bella._

Basically, the front room looked like an extravagant nightclub. Something one might see in L.A. or Las Vegas. The furniture had been moved around the perimeter of the room to create sitting opportunities, interspersed with low tables, and a large dance floor was squared off in the middle of the room. In my opinion, the whole thing looked gaudy and and terribly overdone, but Alice had decreed that it was perfect.

No one had dared to disagree.

In one corner of the room, Alice had installed a state of the art stereo, connected to giant speakers on each side, that were dwarfing her where she stood. She was contemplating the two huge stacks of CDs next to her, all of which she had filched from my room.

"Hey! Those are mine!" I growled quietly below Bella's hearing range and Alice whipped her head around.

"_Sorry_."

"I'll get you back for that!" I threatened just as quietly.

"_Bite me_."

_Anything for Bella._ I reminded myself as my fingers itched towards the neck of this most aggravating immortal. I forced myself to look away and returned my gaze to Bella who still hadn't quite overcome her shock.

"Edward!" my sister squealed after Bella had made a tentative step into the room. "I need your advice."

"_Considering who's going to be here..._" She gestured to the first stack.

"Should we give them familiar and comforting? Or... ," pointing to the other, "educate their taste in music?"

I suppressed a laugh, seeing how she was actually serious.

"Keep it comforting," I replied dryly. "You can only lead a horse to water."

"_Thanks_."

Nodding, she began to toss the educational music into an empty box. I cringed as one plastic case after another was unceremoniously dumped haphazardly in a growing, jumbled heap.

Damn her. That mess would take me a good five minutes to sort out again.

"_You have twenty-four minutes until the first guests will arrive. Keep yourself together, you hear? Go talk to Jasper and Carlisle. Oh, and Esme will be here with the food in thirteen minutes. Rosalie has agreed to help her set it all up_."

Then again – her uncanny predictions were useful more often than not.

"I think I'm underdressed," Bella said glumly, staring at Alice who looked too bare for my taste in a sequined tank top and tight leather pants.

"_I'll take her upstairs and get her to change into the dress I set aside for her._" She subjected me to an picture of it hanging in her closet upstairs.

I did a double-take at the flimsy material and basic lack thereof. There wasn't enough _dress_ to be appropriate for anyone but a trollop. I could already imagine the internal comments such a garment would elicit from the one-track minds of the teenage boys that were headed this way.

"Absolutely not!" I hissed in outrage, just loud enough for Alice to hear.

"_Oh, get over yourself, Edward_. _I'm kidding. Even _I_ wouldn't wear anything like that. God, you're too easy sometimes._"

Oh, for the love of all that was holy! How much further would she try to push me today?

"You're playing with fire, Alice," I hissed under my breath.

She rolled her eyes.

"You're perfect," I assured Bella lovingly, stroking her cheek. The ensuing blush made her skin glow , and the sight made me want to kiss her again.

_Mine_.

"You'll do," Alice chimed in.

What kind of compliment was that? I shot her a murderous glare. Instantly, I was treated to a mental image of Alice sticking out her tongue at me.

I ran my hand through my hair in exasperation. She was my sister and I loved her dearly, but she drove me too close to the edge sometimes.

"Thanks," Bella sighed, then her voice became hopeful. "Do you really think people will come?"

"_God, Edward, what will it take for her to get over her aversion to having a good time_? _Either you tell her right now or I _will_._" Alice scrunched up her face in disgust.

"Everyone will come," I hurried to say. "They're all dying to see the inside of the reclusive Cullens' mystery house."

"Fabulous," Bella moaned. I suppressed a laugh – Alice didn't. The pealing bells of her amusement rang through the room.

"Uh – can I help with anything?" Bella offered after Alice had sufficiently calmed down, and took another tentative step forward into the room.

"Thanks," Alice replied, "but I have it all under control. Except for this box of rejects. Edward, why don't you take that upstairs, please."

"I'll be right back," I promised Bella, grabbing the box with my CDs from my sister's outstretched hand, and raced up to my third floor room. I deposited the box just inside the door and was back downstairs next to Bella a few seconds later.

"Come, my love," I told her, keeping my arm around her waist and gently pulling her forward. "I want to quickly talk to Jasper and Carlisle about your epiphany this afternoon."

I found Jasper on the back porch and called out to Carlisle to join us. Jasper blanched when I recounted what I had found out from Bella today, reliving the emotions.

"_This is not good, Edward, not at all_."

I nodded. "I know. This might change everything. Do you think we need to revise our strategy? Is driving them out of the city still our best option?"

"_If they're after Bella_... _Edward, I don't like the way our chances stand right now. I don't know that there is enough of _us _for all of _them_._" The desperation emanating from him was palpable, and I was certain Bella could feel it, too.

I looked at him meaningfully and the despair lessened slightly. I could see the effort it took for him to keep his emotions inside himself.

"I think so, though we may have to go sooner," he said slowly, "but I don't see how we can accomplish that. And still, we don't know who's behind all this. We have to find out because whoever it is has to also be eliminated."

"_Alice mentioned what you said_," he thought as way of explanation.

I nodded, scowling because my money was still on an unofficial Volturi soldier, someone sent without Aro's knowledge or consent.

"I don't think it's the Volturi, Edward," Carlisle injected as if he had read my mind. "They do not break the rules."

"Perhaps," I said dismissively. I wasn't convinced. Caius or Jane would take great pleasure in eliminating us all.

I changed the subject. "We're starting training tonight?"

"Yes," Jasper confirmed, "I will teach you all what needs to be done and how you must adjust your fighting style. Especially Emmett."

I asked the next question quickly in a voice so low that Bella wouldn't hear. "Do you think they might decide to come here instead? That whoever is creating them would lead them here? Based on their purpose, wouldn't that make sense?"

I tightened my hold on her as I spoke the words, trying to reassure myself that at least for now, she was safely in my arms.

"_Of course. Well, that would put a huge damper on our plans. We need to ask Alice that question, see if it makes a difference in her visions_."

I would do that at my earliest opportunity. "I'll take care of it. Now, have either of you been able to contact anyone? Will we have any help?"

"No, unfortunately not," Carlisle said at the same time as Jasper shook his head.

"_I can't get hold of Peter and Charlotte, though I've left messages. Their access to electricity is sporadic at best_."

"Edward," he spoke, "I am truly worried. There aren't enough of us to guarantee a victorious outcome, and we'll have to execute our plan with great care. If we drive out too many at one time, we won't be able to handle them, and some of us will get hurt. I don't like the way the numbers currently stand."

"_The stakes are too high – I can't lose Alice any more than you can live without Bella_."

"I know," I whispered, too quietly for human ears. Dread and despair began to claw at my insides again.

I heard the crunch of gravel in the driveway after the thoughts of the car's occupants permeated my mind, as the first visitors reached our house. Vile Mike Newton was pulling up in his suburban with most of his clique inside the car. Their minds were aflame with curiosity as their eyes took in the enormous house that was our home.

"We have incoming," I said with a meaningful look at Carlisle. "Shall we?"

We immediately assumed the faces of our perfect human charade, as we quickly walked to the temporarily renovated front room to welcome our guests for this evening. Bella also tried her best to smooth out her expression, though she didn't quite succeed.

"Smile," I told her gently. "It will be all right. No one will harm you, I promise."

"I'm okay," she whispered. "Just worried."

"I know," I whispered back, kissing her in the sensitive spot below her ear. "Try to enjoy the party, though. Please?"

She leaned into me and hugged herself closer.

The sound of the doorbell echoed through the house.

"Will you please get the door, Alice?" Carlisle asked, and she complied after turning up the volume on the stereo. The music's beat was in perfect tune with the pulse of the lights.

The first thing in the children's mind was a collective gasp of surprise as their weak eyes took in their surroundings. Jessica Stanley was first one to cross the threshold, directly followed by Mike who took a moment to stare at her buttocks and make a rude comment in his head.

Those two deserved each other – too bad they were no longer dating.

"_Damn, look at that shit."_

"_Holy cow, take a look at that stereo."_

"_Shit, this is a fucking mansion."_

"_Oh my God, I'm so fucking jealous. It must be awesome to live here."_

"_Wish I had that kind of money_."

"_Look at all that food. Damn, I just ate but this is da bomb._"

The nagging, mindless drone of voices went on and on as more people arrived. I tried to drown it all out, instead focusing on Bella's heartbeat and scent. She kept me centered throughout the next several minutes as the throngs of people filed through our front door.

It was completely and utterly insane. Alice squealed in delight.

Esme and Rosalie had put the final touches on the buffet that was spread out on the dining room table, and Emmett was busily hanging up jacket after jacket on the stands Alice had provided. Jasper kept his distance as usual, and I frequently checked his thoughts to ensure we wouldn't have any issues with his control. He had just fed, but we couldn't be careful enough.

"_I'm all right_," he assured me when he caught one of my glances.

I nodded in acknowledgement.

I went with Bella as she welcomed everyone in, and then we began our rounds, chatting with everyone for a few minutes. Well, Bella chatted. No one, with the exception of Angela and Ben, spoke to me.

I was bombarded with spoken and mental words floating around the room, entering my head, and my brain began to hurt. Still I smiled, as Bella made her way through the room. Occasionally, a particularly sordid or vile thought from one of the males would make my hair stand on end, and I would pull Bella closer to me, reasserting my claim to her, surreptitiously glaring at some of the more despicable offenders.

Especially the local troglodytes like Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley were deplorable, entertaining their raging hormones by inserting Bella and some of the other girls into their ridiculous and unimaginative fantasies, and I wished I could pick them off one by one and bash their heads together to punish them for their crude behavior.

Perhaps that was my fantasy.

Certainly, if they were as inept in real life as their lack of imagination indicated, they would both continue to be virginal for a very long time. And not by choice.

Even some of the girls were offensive in their minds, staring at Bella with unveiled hatred, wishing they were in her place. It was also uncomfortable but nothing new to be mentally undressed and sexually assaulted by half of the females in the room.

I tried to keep my grimaces to a minimum.

As the party progressed, it became more difficult to pick up any clear thoughts – partially due to the sheer number of people in the room, and partially as a natural occurrence; they became more excited as the beat of the music boomed through the house and their minds turned scrambled.

Bodies were swaying to the music, some of the boys occasionally rubbing against one of the girls in an inappropriate manner, others were greedily stuffing their faces with food.

I saw Emmett flash a grin at Newton over the dining table, and watched the boy stumble back in sudden fear, nearly dropping the overloaded plate he was holding.

"_Gah!_ _Ugh, he's totally_ c_reepy_."

I stifled a laugh.

"_Did I scare him good_?" Emmett grinned at me.

I nodded and returned the grin.

"_Awesome_. _I still got it_."

The constant din of voices underlaid with music nearly gave me a headache, but unexpectedly came to a deafening halt in an instant.

"_Bella... _," I heard Alice's gasp of sudden fear distinctly in my head. "_Oh God, Edward_."

I saw flickers of images. Newborns moving stealthily through the forests somewhere, a red shirt in an immortal hand, Emmett tearing apart a neophytes, pyres burning in the clearing.

I hissed, my breath escaping in a sudden rush, and venom turned to ice. The overwhelming urge to flee with Bella was throbbing in my dried-out veins.

The other shoe had just dropped, with a loud thud that reverberated through my entire being.

"_Get over here. Now!_"

I leaned down to Bella. "Stay here," I whispered into her ear with all the restraint I could muster. "I'll be right back."

Pushing carefully but quickly through the throngs of people on the dance floor, I caught up with Alice by the kitchen door. Jasper stood hidden inside the kitchen.

"What _was_ that, Alice?" I asked her, my voice strained, bending down close to her face. "I only saw flickers. What did you_ see_?"

"They're coming here," she whispered urgently. "To Forks. The decision has been made."

Alice's face was expressionless, frozen by the horror of what she had seen. She leaned heavily against the doorframe. Jasper, his face devoid of emotion, moved towards her from the darkened kitchen.

"No, Jasper. Go with Edward. I'm okay."

I searched her mind for more information, and what I saw restarted the fire in my stomach. The flame grew rapidly, and a low growl started to build in my chest. Alice tugged on my shirt to get my attention.

"Go, Edward. Get Emmett. Now. Don't lose it in here. I'll get Carlisle. Go!"

I did as I was told, calling out to my brother, my last few shreds of control making me move towards the stairs. A small part of my brain registered gravel crunching under tires in the driveway, but I paid the noise no heed, dismissing it as a latecomer's car.

Jasper followed me slowly, his main concern his wife. I had reached the stairs, staying in Alice's head to catch any further images, when I saw Bella hurriedly make her way to the kitchen.

I realized that she had interpreted my sudden departure from her side correctly.

She clutched her hands in front of her chest, frantic. "What, Alice, what? What did you see?"

Alice stared at me. "_Should I tell her_?"

I nodded imperceptibly, but didn't stay for that conversation, unable to bear the fear that would grow in Bella's eyes. The fire of fury had grown to a raging inferno, and I was barely able to keep the growls contained. I had just enough sanity left not to expose us.

As went up the stairs to the library, I heard the doorbell ring.

"_Who's that? Everyone invited is here_." Alice was puzzled for a moment and then her mind went blank. And I knew without checking who was at the door.

_What the hell_?_ What is that fucking dog doing here_?

I heard Jasper's low growl as he realized the same.

"_Why are they here? Three of them? What do they want?_"

"Who invited the werewolf?" Alice hissed at Bella.

"Guilty," Bella answered, and I saw the scowl on her face in Alice's head.

"_Edward, with her invitation, are they breaking the treaty?_"

"No," I answered. "Not if Bella invited them."

"Well, you go take care of it, then," Alice told Bella matter-of-factly. "I have to talk to Carlisle."

Alice quickly danced through the crowd, pulling Rosalie and Esme with her as she passed them on the way.

We all met inside the library. Immediately, tension-filled hisses and snarls flew barely constrained.

"What's going on?" Rosalie demanded.

"Why are they here?" Emmett's voice boomed.

"What did you see, Alice?" Jasper snarled.

"Shh," Alice hissed.

"Stop, everyone," Carlisle commanded. "Let her tell us."

It was no less piercing to my frozen heart to see the pictures again, as she began to speak. The army of newborns, their current number standing at twenty-one, moved at high speed through a wide expanse of forest, the ones in front carrying the things that had been stolen from Bella's room.

"When, Alice?" I managed to get out.

I dedicated a part of my mind to keeping an eye on Bella, when the door opened and the dog and his furry friends let themselves. Though I didn't actively listen, I was later able to recall each spoken word with perfect clarity, and each hidden thought in the fleabag's brain had been memorized into my infallible mind.

"This weekend. Saturday, late morning. They will move northwest, then come south."

"And their creator?" Jasper asked.

"I don't know. I still can't see that. But they're coming here."

Esme inhaled sharply. "What will we do?"

"What about Bella?" I nearly whispered, iron chains of dread wrapping heavily around my heart.

And then I saw it.

For the second time that day, the earth came to a standstill. The passage of time slowed to a crawl, each ticking second lasting a lifetime.

For a split-second, the last eighteen months flashed through my brain, each moment I had spent loving Bella indelibly burned into each cell of my body. I relived the momentous feeling of falling in love with her, the fear of killing her, the pull of her scent, the bloodlust, prom, her birthday, the months of misery during our separation, the reunion, the renewed celebration of our love – every small moment committed to memory for eternity.

I would lose it all. A anguished roar broke from my chest and my knees buckled.

"NO!"

Jasper recoiled from the sudden wave of pain.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Alice whimpered.

"No. No! NO! Oh, God – please... Bella, Bella, Bella... " I sank to the floor, utter desolation numbing every cell in my body, and Esme flew to my side to hold me up.

"_Edward_?"

"What, Alice? What will happen?" Carlisle asked fearfully.

Alice swallowed hard and Jasper wrapped her in his arms.

"There aren't enough of us. Some will get through," she answered the question in a small whisper.

The implications of her words hung heavily in the air. For a long moment there was utter silence in their minds. I was thrashing in Esme's embrace, whimpering, sobbing out my anguish and fear.

"_Shh, sweetheart, shh, it will be all right, have faith, Edward_."

"_NO!_" The determination in Rosalie's mind was like a tiny drop of unguent to my open wound.

"No," she spoke fiercely. "We can't let that happen. We won't."

"Hell, no," Emmett agreed, slapping a fist into his hand. "They won't get to Bella."

"Can we stop them? If we go sooner?" I asked desolately.

"I don't think so," Alice answered, her voice thick with despair.

"Fuck," Emmett cussed.

"Emmett!" Esme hissed.

"Sorry. Can Edward take Bella out of town?"

"We can't reduce our numbers any further," Jasper answered quietly.

"Shit, I didn't think of that."

"Emmett!"

"Sorry!" He rubbed the back of his head. "Now what?"

"It won't help even if she leaves," Alice whispered with the horror of another vision.

"What?" Rosalie gasped. "Why not?"

Alice shook her head dejectedly. "We may be able to get her out of town, but in the end it won't matter. There aren't enough of us, and some of the newborns will come to Forks. It won't take them long to cross her scent. We can't prevent the carnage. We can't not try. No matter what we choose, we'll all be exposed. The Volturi won't let us live. None of us."

A collective gasp echoed in the room and seemed to cover everything in a heavy layer of terrifying dread.

"If only we had some help," Jasper said, nearly overwhelmed by the despair that permeated the room and his own.

The small part of my brain that was keeping up with Bella and the rotten dogs forcibly became more prominent. The furry-coated menace was badgering her while she was trying to get to us. She had moved towards the stairs where she had last seen me, but he was grabbing her chin in one of his over-sized paws, and she was rebuffing him furiously.

Even in my state of utter panic and despair, I could appreciate the magnificence of her anger.

Paralyzing fury raged like a wildfire through me. I growled, and strained against Esme. Carlisle's eyes snapped to mine.

"_Calm, Edward._"

Burning in the fires of hell, I concentrated on the continuing conversation in the living room.

"_Come on, Jake, let's go. I'm freaking out. The whole house reeks of bloodsuckers_. _Ugh, so sickly sweet. How does Bella stand it?_"

The one called Embry was too scared to even let go of the door, his hand trembling on the handle. The other, a boy named Quil, was no better off. Both of them stared anxiously after their pack mate.

"_Jeez, this really looks like a crypt. Damn Jake for making us come here so he can make up with Bella. She looks angry. Do they keep the coffins in the basement_? _Shit, don't think of that. I wanna leave. Sam will have our heads for coming here. Oh, fuck, the treaty. Are we even allowed to be here? I wanna go home. Will they attack us? Jake was sure they wouldn't. Huh. Shit, fuck, I'm almost pissing myself. Deep breaths, Quil. Don't lose it, man._"

Both of them were fighting the urge to phase, their bodies' reacting wildly to the scent of their natural enemies.

"Sorry!" the dog-who-must-be-neutered muttered, holding up his hands after Bella jerked away from his unwelcome touch. "I really am sorry. About the other day, I mean, too. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. It was wrong. I guess... well, I guess I deluded myself into thinking you wanted me to."

"Deluded," Bella snapped viciously, "what a perfect description."

I could see her in the puppy's mind. She was staring at him with blazing eyes. Again, I was hit with a feeling of utter pride at her bravery, at her defense of our love.

"Be nice," he retorted, blaming her partially for his ridiculous delusion.

I hissed in anger, and jumped up, my hand reaching for the door handle. In a flash, Emmett stood in front of me, with his arms folded across his chest.

"Sorry, bro. You are in no condition to go downstairs."

I simply glared at him.

"You could accept my apology, you know," the stinking animal badgered Bella again, and I could already see the intention forming in his thoughts.

A growl slipped through my lips and Jasper also stepped towards me. "Easy now, Edward." He sent a wave of calm but I resisted him. My jaw snapped shut.

"I don't want to be calm right now, Jasper," I spit through clenched teeth.

"_Too bad_."

He doubled his efforts.

"Fine," Bella muttered, "apology accepted. Now, if you'll excuse me for a moment... "

His initial emotion of rejection was genuine.

"Okay," he mumbled, staring at the floor, feeling out of place and unwanted. Defeated. Part of me felt sorry for the pain he was experiencing. A much larger part of me did not.

_Serves you right, you stupid, stinking animal. She is mine_!

"I guess you'd rather with your _real_ friends," he continued, still wallowing. "I get it."

I growled again, louder this time, knowing that he was appealing to Bella's innate aversion to hurting him, hating him for the guilt he knew that statement would invoke.

Hating myself for causing him to have this much power over her.

Bella groaned. "Aw, Jake, you know that's not fair."

His thoughts cheered though his face remained the same, his lower lip jutting out like that of a petulant child. Which, I supposed, was exactly what he was.

I was agitated beyond reason. My growls began in earnest, continuous, rumbling in my chest, forcing their way out of my mouth. I opened my jaws and growls turned to snarls.

Carlisle joined Esme next to me, holding on to my shoulder in his effort to restrain me.

"_Could you be any more of an idiot, Edward_?" Rosalie hissed in her head, her hands on her hips, grimacing. "_Control yourself before any of the little humans ventures upstairs to investigate if we keep wild animals in the house_."

The withering glare I threw at her should have reduced her to rubble, but she stood her ground.

"_Get a grip_!"

"Edward," Carlisle's voice was urgent in my ear. "Please, refrain. We're all worried. I know you're anxious, but we are not finished here."

He turned to Jasper, unwilling to believe Alice's prediction of doom. "What do you suggest? How can we prevent this?"

Jasper's eyes were downcast. "Right now, we need to train – more than anything. We will start tonight. Perhaps there is a way to lead them to a certain location, like the clearing. We could engage them there, but we'd have to get them to go there first. Let me think more on it. We will find a way to circumvent the future Alice has seen. Any small decision might still change it."

Carlisle nodded.

Inside, the mongrel was still playing his manipulative game. Bella was seemingly unaware of his connivance, trying to get him to look at her. He gave in after a long moment, silently enjoying her discomfort.

I snarled again, loudly, and Carlisle's hand tightened on my shoulder. "Edward! You can_not_ go charging down there. Trust Bella to handle it." His soft voice only coated the steel in his tone, and the last snarl died on my lips.

I was raving mad at this point, my mind so focused on catching every bit of information that came at me, not only the conversation below, but also keeping tab on the minds of the children dancing obliviously, the thoughts of my family, anything that Alice might see, the waves of emotions that coursed through Jasper – everything. My brain was approaching overload, and had no more room to control any of my bodily reactions. I had no other choice than to remain, impotently straining against the various strong arms wrapped around me.

The stinking fleabag was handing Bella a present, contained in a crude drawstring bag; a silver bracelet with a wooden charm he had painstakingly carved himself.

I snarled in outrage, the venom pooling in my mouth nearly choking me.

_This beats all. It's a fucking wolf_.

My frozen heart constricted as I watched Bella accept the gift, and the animal touched her again, putting the bracelet around her wrist.

"You'll wear it?" he asked her excitedly, unable to contain himself.

"Of course I will," Bella replied with a smile.

_Holy Mother of God! Is that my punishment_? _To see him represented on her wrist each and every day for the few remaining days we have left to us? A reminder of what he means to her, a fucking symbol of what I did to her when I left? _

_Shit. Fuck. Goddamn it._

_I can't even destroy it._

The outraged roar could not be contained, but was cut off instantly as Emmett's hand clasped over my face, closing my jaw, and his voice hissed.

"Shut the _hell_ up, bro."

I almost bit him.

Almost.

A small inclement of reason returned slowly as Jasper, though struggling himself, sent wave after wave of calm and content towards me.

"_Jesus Christ, Edward. Focus, damn it_."

"Alice," I whimpered, hating the weak sound of my strangled voice behind Emmett's bear-sized palm, struggling to calm myself. Emmett slowly released his hand after checking with Jasper. I took a deep breath and spoke as collected as I could manage. I nearly choked on another sob. The words came out strangled, foreign, but I pushed my way through.

"Please go downstairs and get Bella up here. She needs to know what's going on, and what you saw. Tell her as much as you need to, to get her up here."

Alice nodded, her face serious. "Yes," she simply said and moved to the door as I stepped back against Carlisle.

Jasper followed her out the door, waiting in the hallway as Alice made her way to the stairs, slipping easily back into the human facade we had to maintain.

In the living room, the conversation between Bella and my nemesis continued.

"Why are you so distracted?" the mongrel asked, his brows furrowing as he watched her look around the room, searching.

"It's nothing," she replied. "Thanks for the present, really. I love it." I could hear the strain in her voice, and it registered with him just the same.

"Bella?" he said slowly, while his mind tried to figure out what was causing her rapid heartbeat, the very pace he had deluded himself into thinking was caused by his presence. "Something's going on, isn't it?"

Bella tried to lie again, but I knew before the words left her mouth that it would be completely futile. While Bella was perfectly able to spin a tale, she had to stay within the realm of truth to pull it off convincingly. To my utter astonishment and disdain, the dog knew her nearly as well as I did. Though I likely wouldn't employ his choice of words to describe her lack of acting ability.

"Don't lie to me, you suck at lying. You should tell me what's going on," he said quickly, and then his mind and his words shifted automatically into wolf mode. "We want to know these things."

The other two, still standing as close as possible to the gateway of escape, picked up his words over the noise of the music, their children's minds on full alert. They exchanged a meaningful look.

"Jacob, I will tell you," Bella tried to hedge. "Just let _me_ figure out what's happening, okay? I need to talk to Alice."

A lightbulb went on in his head when Bella mentioned Alice's name. I could tell the wheels were whirring before the understanding changed his expression.

"The psychic saw something."

"Yes," Bella nodded in confirmation, "just when you showed up."

It seemed I may have been incorrect in my previous assessment regarding his intellectual deficiencies. His next words were proof of that.

"Is this about the bloodsucker in your room?"

"It's related," Bella said quietly, evasively.

His mind went wild, running through possible reasons as he cocked his head to one side and studied the emotions in her face. Damn, he could read her almost as well as I could. I didn't like that much at all, and the green-eyed monster stung my frozen heart. My agitated growling started again, and my family's eyes snapped towards me, as my body tensed in response to what I was hearing downstairs. The conversation began to echo in my mind as they all started listening more intently and I had to tune them out to be able to focus.

"You know something you're not telling me... something _big_."

Bella nodded once. "Yes."

"_Quil and Embry need to hear this_." He turned his head towards his furry friends and caught their eyes. Both of them were still standing uncomfortably close to the front door, each of them still babbling internally, worried and nervous about being in our house.

"_Get over here_. _There's a problem_."

Begrudgingly, I had to admit that their ability to silently communicate with each other was nearly as good as the one Alice and I had devised so long ago and perfected over decades. They couldn't read each other's thoughts in human form – it was more of an emotional connection. Both of them immediately started weaving their way through the crowd, their thoughts confused and wary.

"_What's going on_? _I don't want to move deeper into the crypt._"

"_What's going on_?_ Jake looks worried._"

They were now towering over Bella in a half-circle, cornering her against the western wall of the living room, and I whimpered a weak growl, and found myself praying that Alice would get down there quickly to rescue my love from this threat, however perceived it might be. She was in the company of three overgrown dogs and, irrational as it was, I feared for her.

"Now. Explain," the dog demanded.

"Jacob, I don't know everything." Bella's eyes were scanning the room, her face full of anxiety, her voice nearly fearful.

"What _do_ you know, then?" he asked with an undertone of menace. All three of the dogs folded their arms across their chests at exactly the same time, prompting a humorless chuckle from me.

I heard Alice descend the stairs at the same time Bella squealed. "Alice!"

My sister's eyes, pained and stressed just an instant earlier, narrowed in anger as she saw the three wolves looming over Bella. "_Edward, are they threatening her_?"

"Not as far as I can tell, at least not yet," I answered from upstairs.

"_I'll get her out away from them, don't worry_." Her mental voice was fierce, protective. I very nearly smiled in anticipation. Despite her diminutive size, the dogs had no idea what a force of nature Alice was.

Alice slid her arm around Bella's waist as soon as she reached her and began to guide her away from the rotten animals. "I need to talk to you," she whispered in her ear. I nearly felt Bella relax with relief as I watched through Alice's mind.

"Er, Jake, I'll see you later... ," Bella mumbled quickly.

With ever-increasing fury, I watched as the dog's arm shot out and blocked their way. "Hey, not so fast."

"Jasper!" I hissed, "hurry downstairs." I felt helpless, reduced to being a bystander, and every muscle in my body screamed in anguish at not being able to be by Bella's side. Carlisle's hands on me tightened when he felt my body tense.

"_No, Edward_."

Jasper was already on the way, having felt Alice's shock and sudden anger. She stared up at the mongrel, incredulous. "Excuse me?"

"Tell us what's going on," the furry animal growled.

Jasper appeared on the scene, standing on the other side of the dog's arm. "Move. Your. Arm," he snarled so low that Bella had no chance of hearing it.

"_Shit_! _Where did he come from_?" The mongrel slowly moved his arm back, with his eyes on Jasper the whole time.

Jasper's wrath was formidable, but the agitated puppy was not giving up.

"We have a right to know," he muttered with another glare at Alice. Jasper stepped in between Bella and the dogs, who immediately braced themselves, tremors rolling off their arms in waves.

"Shit," I muttered, "careful, Jasper. Don't push too hard, or they'll phase."

"_I can tell, but thanks_."

"Hey, hey," Bella said with a slightly hysterical chuckle, trying to diffuse the volatile situation that was brewing two floors below. "This is a party, remember?"

The dog glared at Alice. Jasper glared at the dogs.

Emmett's head whipped around. "Do you need me to help downstairs?" he asked me, rubbing a fist in his hand.

I shook my head. "No," I replied quickly, "just hold on for a moment."

I could see an idea forming in Alice's mind. It was something that I had briefly considered before, but dismissed as impossible.

"It's okay, Jasper," Alice said quietly, "he actually has a point." Her words did nothing to calm her husband though he could feel a sudden hope emanate from her. It puzzled him.

"What did you see, Alice?" Bella demanded, hands on her hips. It warmed my heart to see her stand up so magnificently in the face of terror, until the memory of Alice's earlier vision flashed through my mind.

"_Okay, here goes nothing_." Alice looked at the mutt for a moment, then turned to Bella.

"The decision's been made."

"You're going to Seattle?" Bella asked. I could hear her heartbeat accelerate sharply at Alice's words, her breathing speeding up.

"No," Alice simply said.

Bella understood and went completely white. Her heart was now spluttering at a dangerous speed.

"Alice!" I hissed, but she ignored me.

"They're coming here," Bella choked out.

The dogs' hands were still trembling, as they were struggling to stave off phasing into giant wolves. Jasper noticed.

"Alice, move back," he hissed under his breath. "They're unstable."

She ignored him, too, her focus solely on Bella. "Yes."

"To Forks," Bella whispered.

"Yes."

"For?"

Alice nodded. "One carried your red shirt."

"_Fear, Edward. I'm picking up fear, but not for herself. It's tinged with guilt._"

I should have guessed.

"We can't let them come that far. There aren't enough of us to protect the town," Jasper explained cautiously.

"I know," Alice said, "but it doesn't matter where we stop them. There still won't be enough of us, and some will come here to search."

"No," Bella mouthed, "Alice. I have to go, I have to get away from here."

Would she ever do what I expected? I had been convinced she would refuse leaving town – even Alice had seen it.

Did I know this girl at all?

"That won't help. It's not like we're dealing with a tracker. They'll still come looking here first."

"Then I have to go and meet them!" Bella's voice was hoarse with tension. "If they find what they're looking for, maybe they'll go away, and not hurt anyone else."

Emmett didn't have enough time to contain the exasperated roar that burst out of me at her statement, and Carlisle's books shook on the shelf.

My hand gripped the door handle before he wrestled me back to the floor.

"Goddamn it, Edward. Get a handle on yourself."

"Is she some getting some kind of perverse pleasure from being such a masochist?" Rosalie sneered. "God, you two deserve each other."

"Rosalie! We are a family, and that includes Bella. Behave yourself," Esme admonished, and my sister lowered her gaze.

Even Emmett glared at his wife disapprovingly.

"_I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, Edward._"

I nodded sharply. "Yes, I know."

She buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry."

"Bella!" Alice protested downstairs. "_No!_"

"Hold it," Jacob Black said, and his voice took on a deeper timbre, changing into the tone of someone who is used to having his orders followed. It surprised me given his age, and whatever the reason, he hid it in his mind. "_What_ is coming?"

Alice's eyes were icy as she turned to him. "Our kind. Lots of them."

"Why?"

"For Bella. That's all we know."

"There are too many for you?" he asked, while the idea began to form in his mind. Was that the answer we had been looking for? Would the impossible happen? A smidgen of hope began to flutter in my stomach.

Jasper bristled at the insinuation. "We have a few advantages, dog. It will be an even fight."

A breath I didn't realize I'd been holding, escaped my lips in a rush as the dog's thought hit me.

"Yes!" I cheered and pumped my fist. Fear and anguish was replaced with elation and gratitude. Though Alice wouldn't be able to see the outcome, there was no doubt in my mind that with the Quileutes' help, we would exterminate the newborns without any problems.

Bella would be safe.

Four pairs of eternal eyes stared at me as if I had lost my mind.

"Listen," I said meaningfully.

"No," Jacob Black said fiercely, nearly smiling with anticipation, as he made up his mind to do the one thing I hadn't expected, hadn't dared hope for. "It won't be even."

Alice's mind went dark. "Excellent," she hissed, exulted, all despair falling off of her. Jasper picked up the new emotions and a small smile began to form on his face.

"_Damn_," he drawled silently. "_Why didn't I think of that_? _How would we accomplish it, though_?" His soldier's mind spun off into plans, looking at different scenarios, drawing on his experiences from his previous life.

Alice grinned at Jacob Black. Jacob Black grinned at Alice. "Everything just disappeared, of course," she said smugly, "that's inconvenient, but, all things considered, I'll take it."

"We'll have to coordinate," Jacob Black said, thinking of the best way to present this to Sam Uley and have him buy into the idea. He was confident, though. "It won't be easy for us. Still, this is our job more than yours."

"_Yeah, finally some bloodsuckers I'll be allowed to kill_!"

I rolled my eyes, but was unable to keep a relieved smile from forming on my face, too. I looked at Emmett, who was grinning broadly, then at Rosalie who wrinkled her nose.

"_God, the stench of them._"

"Hell, yeah, this'll be fun," Emmett laughed. Carlisle and Esme were both relieved beyond words, holding each other in a firm embrace.

"Wait, wait, wait," Bella interrupted the meeting of minds downstairs which earned her an impatient look from both Alice and Jacob before they went back to staring at each other, eyes glinting with excitement yet noses wrinkled in disgust.

"_God, he stinks atrociously_. _How does Bella stand it_?"

"_Ugh, sickening. I'm gonna throw up_."

My own impatience had more to do with my being scooped up in the library, when it was more urgent to wrap my love in my arms and assure her that all would be well.

_Soon_.

_Very soon._

"Coordinate?" Bella asked, sounding extremely mad. It felt liberating to laugh at her tone, and I was nearly giddy with relief that we had found a solution to our problem, though Bella didn't seem to like it much.

"You didn't honestly think you were going to keep us out of this?" Jacob Black asked her, incredulous, and completely ready to dismiss her concerns.

"You _are _staying out of this!" Bella insisted fiercely.

Jacob Black chuckled. "Your psychic doesn't think so."

"Alice – tell them no!" Bella demanded. "They'll get killed!"

The three Quileute boys laughed out loud, their confidence soaring.

"_She doesn't get it – we were born for this_."

"_This'll be so easy!_"

"_Can hardly wait to rip some bloodsuckers to pieces_."

"Bella," Alice said in a soothing voice, "separately we all could get killed. Together – "

"It'll be no problem," Jacob Black finished the sentence with a huge grin. The boy named Quil laughed again.

"_Oh yeah – none at all_."

"How many?" he asked eagerly, looking directly at Alice. I laughed again, and Emmett joined me in my amusement.

"Fighting with overgrown dogs – what's this world coming to?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.

Carlisle's face was a mixture of relief and disapproval. "They are doing us a great service, at great personal risk. Let's not forget that. And Jacob Black seems to be certain that their leader will approve this alliance. I hope he's correct in that assessment. Let's not get ahead of ourselves yet."

That sobered us quickly.

"No!" Bella shouted angrily. She was utterly ignored.

"It changes – twenty-one today, but the numbers are going down," Alice replied to the boy's question.

"Why," Jacob Black asked curiously. "_Haha, do they get lost?_"

"_Hey, aren't those the boys from La Push? What are they doing here? Hmm, they seem to be arguing. Wonder what's going on. Why's Bella in the middle of them? She looks scared. Maybe I should go over there, see if she needs help. Cullen's not there. Just his little sister and the weird one. Huh. Who knows, maybe she'll be grateful to me, and..._" Mike Newton, of all people, had noticed the group huddled by the western wall, and while his initial intentions had been sincere, his mind quickly spun off into another of his vile thoughts involving Bella and his rather unimaginative fantasies.

I hissed. "Alice! You're garnering attention. Move. Newton's on his way."

"Long story," Alice responded to Jacob's question while she looked around the room to see where Newton was standing. "And this isn't the place for it."

"Later tonight?" Jacob Black asked eagerly. "_Come on, we need more info_."

"_May as well kill two birds with one stone_... "

"Yes," Jasper answered, "we were already planning a... strategic meeting. If you're going to fight with us, you'll need some instruction."

Immediately, all three Quileute's faces changed to disgruntlement, their thoughts bristling at the perceived insinuation that they needed to be taught how to fight.

"No!" Bella tried to inject, but it came out as a strangled moan and was again summarily ignored.

"_Guilt_," flashed through Jasper's mind as he picked up her emotion and glanced at her distressed face. I was nearly overcome by the strong urge to go downstairs and wrap her fragile body in my arms, stroking her back and assuring her that it all would end well. Clearly, Emmett would not let me go even if I tried, so I promised myself to spend an extended cuddle session with Bella in my room as soon as Alice brought her up here, away from the prying eyes of the children dancing the night away.

"This will be odd," Jasper thought out loud. "I never considered working together. This has to be a first."

"No doubt about that," Jacob Black chuckled, thinking that they needed to leave to report back to Sam Uley. "We've got to get back to Sam. What time?"

"What's too late for you?" Jasper inquired politely, which earned him an eye roll from all three of the wolves.

"What time?" Jacob Black repeated with a hint of sarcasm.

"Three o'clock?"

"Where?"

Jasper gave him the directions to the clearing. "About ten miles due north of the Hoh Forest ranger station. Come at it from the west and you'll be able to follow our scent in."

"We'll be there," Jacob Black stated confidently though he didn't quite feel that way. He was worried about Sam cooperating, but told himself that this threat affected the Quileutes just the same. He was considering which arguments to use as he and the two others turned to leave the house.

"Wait, Jake!" Bella tried to follow him but Alice held her hand. "_Please_! Don't do this!"

He paused for a moment and turned back to her. "Don't be ridiculous, Bells. You're giving me a much better gift than the one I gave you."

"No!" Bella shouted but her voice was drowned out by the shrill sound of the music. He ignored her and hurried after his friends. A few moments later, I heard his car start up.

"_We're coming up now. Send down Rosalie and Emmett, and Esme_," Alice announced as she gently tugged Bella towards the stairs. "_Did the humans notice anything_?"

I checked quickly, but Newton had been accosted and completely distracted by Lauren Mallory who was busily filling his ear with vitriolic gossip. I could find nothing else in the vacuous minds of the children downstairs. Nobody else had been even remotely interested in anything but dancing and having a good time. No one had noticed anything out of the ordinary.

"Everything appears fine, Alice," I told her.

"Esme, Rosalie, Emmett – would you all mind going downstairs to mingle for a while? Bella is coming up, and I need to spend some time with her. Alice and Jasper will fill you in on any of the missing pieces.

"Yes, of course, dear," Esme said quickly, and Carlisle finally let go of my shoulder. Emmett and Rosalie followed her out the door.

"Come on, Bella," Alice whispered with a smile. "Edward's anxiously waiting for you."

"_Edward, she needs you,_" Jasper mentioned silently as the three of them made their way slowly up the stairs.

"I'll meet you in the hallway," I responded.

I turned to Carlisle. "I will take her to my room for a few minutes to talk to her, alleviate her fears, if possible. I won't take long. To keep up appearances, we need to get downstairs as soon as possible. None of our guests have noticed anything, and the party is still in full swing."

"Very well, son," he said, relieved. "This will likely be very difficult for the Quileutes and we need to keep this in mind when we meet tonight. I will discuss our next steps with Jasper and Alice."

I nodded once and hurried out the door to be reunited with Bella. Now that a solution had been created, I found that my need to feel Bella in my arms superseded any other feelings.

I could think clearly again.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N:** I know some of you have been waiting anxiously for this chapter, and I hope I did it justice. Reviews are LOVE, and only Edward can read minds. The little green button is my mind-reading device.


	20. Edifications

**Author's Note: **As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are naturally based on the Twilight Saga.

This 20th chapter is called "Edifications". It depicts the first training session with the vampires and werewolves.

I had originally outlined this chapter, but then my muse (Edward) started to run away with it. In the end, it became mammooth - over 20 pages, which explains the unusual length between updates.

A **HUGE THANK YOU** to all who have read and reviewed the fruits of my labor of love.

Please remember that this story is rated M for a reason. If you have sensitive eyes that don't deal well with the occasional cuss word, this story is not for you.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The fabulous Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

**20. Edifications**

Evening.

I met up with Bella in the darkened hallway on the second floor. She stared at me wide-eyed, shaking. I pulled her into my arms immediately, taking a deep breath to inhale her scent. I buried my nose in her locks, relishing the dry flames in my throat. As long as I burned, she was alive.

"Bella, love – are you okay?"

Bella molded herself against me, burying her face in my chest and burst into tears.

"Shh, sweetheart, don't cry, please don't cry. It's all right, please don't worry."

My family and I felt euphoric, relieved and confident. The vicious harpy of fate had once more been derailed. With the help of the wolves, we would beat and obliterate any immortal who'd ever threatened to rip Bella from my side.

"_I'm still picking up guilt-tinged fear. Why is she feeling guilty_?" Jasper thought, puzzled by the emotions he was picking up. "_You may want to take her to your room and try to calm her down. She's in no shape to go back downstairs._"

I'd already planned on just that, and I was fairly certain as to why Bella was feeling guilty. Her outburst downstairs, and her pleas to her friend were a clear indication that she feared he and his pack might get hurt. It was a little disconcerting, admittedly, to see that she didn't seem as worried about us, but my relief at the proposed alliance overrode whatever dark feelings I had previously harbored for the wolf.

For now.

I quickly nodded to Jasper over Bella's head, and he took Alice's hand to move to the staircase.

"_We'll see you – don't take too long. I'd rather not she be missed. People are bound to notice_." Alice gave me a quick smile, before she and Jasper disappeared to keep up appearances at the party. A quick sweep of the human minds showed no one was really missing Bella yet. Those few that had noticed her absence had also noticed mine, and they assumed we were having some alone time, and had promptly forgotten about us. Esme had already resupplied the buffet and the music was loud and infectious.

So far, so good.

I pulled Bella tightly against me and kissed her hair. "Shh, my love, please calm down. Everything will be well. Do you want to go to my room for a moment to collect yourself?"

She shook her head. "No," she sniffled into my shirt. "I'm okay. Can we talk about it later? After the party?"

"Yes, of course," I answered quickly although the thought made me cringe inside. "Did you perhaps want to go to the bathroom to freshen up?"

"Yes, thank you."

I lead her to my room, and to the adjoining bathroom, handing her two small towels from the linen closet. "Here you go, my love. I'll wait in here."

I stood by the window, listening to the water running in the sink. Glancing down at my shirt, I realized that it was stained from her tears and I quickly pulled another in the same color from my dresser to change.

Bella returned shortly thereafter, her face free of tears, but her eyes still sad and worried. I walked up to her and took her into my arms.

"Bella, I promise, everything will be all right. Please don't worry. We have to get back downstairs before anyone notices our absence. Can you manage for a little longer?"

"Yes," she nodded, lifting her face to me. "Let's go back."

I leaned down to kiss her, taking her face into my hands. "I love you, Bella. I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know, Edward," she grumbled. "That's not what I'm worried about."

Of course not. A small growl escaped my lips and Bella rolled her eyes. "Come on," she said as she grabbed my hand and tugged. "Let's go and mingle again."

Lauren Mallory noticed our descent and spewed petty vitriol in her mind. "_Just look at them. He's so fucking hot. Stupid Bella. She's so plain - what does he see in her? She's not pretty at all with her mousy hair and boring brown eyes. No tits to speak of. Clumsy as shit. Why'd they go upstairs? Huh. Wonder if they're fucking... yeah, probably. Is that where they went – to fuck? Shit, he coulda had that with me any time... she's probably no good anyway... _"

Listening to any of Lauren's vicious internal musings usually made me want to rip out various parts of her body, with painful slowness, and while grinning savagely. My fingertips began to itch. As it was, she was saved from this fate by Tyler Crowley, of all people, as he danced too close to Lauren and slipped his hand between her thighs. That put an end to my torture fantasies as her thoughts wandered to the plans she had for Tyler after the party.

It was my cue to instantly skip out of her mind, as I shook my head to clear the sordid images from my brain. What a despicable harlot that girl was.

Bella was all unsettled energy, her eyes darting around the room, her teeth constantly worrying her lower lip. We resumed our chatting, stopping here and there to talk to the guests about nothing important. I could tell that Bella's mind was far away – likely worrying about her friend and his fellow wolves, about the solution that he had presented us with – fear that they would get hurt in the process. It irked me in a rather petulant way that she was so concerned, but I brushed it off with the thought that Bella just didn't understand quite yet that the wolves were made to fight vampires. It was the reason for their existence.

"_Good grief, how much longer will they stay_? _The food is almost gone, and as far as I'm concerned, they are overstaying their welcome now. I wonder if Jasper would send out some fear vibes... that might make things interesting, send them running for the door. No, not a good idea – Carlisle and Esme won't like that much, and it would be rather rude. Funny, though... _" Rosalie was getting a little antsy, ready for the humans to leave the premises. She wasn't the only one. Jasper was also thinking that the party was rather tiresome, and he wanted them all gone so we could begin our training. In his mind, he was already considering the various ways of successfully dispatching the newborns, and how to teach those methods to the wolves.

I could emphasize completely - I was also getting terribly anxious for this party to be over – we still had to prepare for the meeting with the wolves, and there were some things Jasper wanted to go over before we started. It seemed that Bella was feeling the same way, a few sighs escaping her every now and then.

"_There's six of them, right_? _Six wolves_?" Jasper asked me silently, and I nodded in confirmation. That information had come from Bella after the bonfire she attended. Six horse-size wolves and seven experienced immortals – it was more than enough.

Of course, if the wolves were going to fight with us, I needed a new plan for where I was going to leave Bella during the fight. I needed to hide her, perhaps take her out of town, but I was terrified to leave her to her own devices – Victoria was still out there, likely plotting Bella's demise. Perhaps I needed to hide Bella in a location where she would not be found, could not be found – not even by the redheaded harpy. Somewhere she had not been before, and get her there without leaving a scent trail. But where? And how?

Bella tugged on my sleeve and I leaned down to her. "How much longer?" she whispered in my ear.

I shrugged. "I don't know – hopefully soon," I whispered back and kissed her right below her earlobe. She shivered in response and pressed herself against my side. I wrapped my arm around her.

"Hey, Bella, Edward – great party," Angela smiled at us as we passed her and Ben, who just gave us a thumbs-up from where his hands were located around Angela's waist. The music had slowed quite a bit, and couples were forming on the dance floor, bodies close together, swaying.

Bella's face was drawn, and her eyes were worried.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Angela asked with concern. "_She looks worried. I hope everything's all right._"

I nudged Bella, and she gave a small start before she looked at her friend. "Oh, sure... Yes, I'm fine."

It seemed a diversion was needed – hopefully, it would also provide some distraction for Bella. I wanted her to enjoy the remainder of this party, knowing there would likely never be another one like it for her. The obstinacy with which she clung to her choice would make sure of that.

"May I have this dance?" I smiled down at Bella, as I pulled her towards me and blew a breath over her face. I knew I was being unfair, as her eyes became unfocused and her face went blank, but I was certain she'd decline otherwise. "Please? I promise – we'll move slowly."

Bella put her arms around my neck and leaned her head against my chest. "Okay," she answered with a sigh, "but only one."

I smiled and raised up her face to quickly kiss her. "Thank you."

I put my arms around her tiny waist and starting to slowly move us in small circles, gently swaying to the slow beats of the music. I shut down my mind to the thoughts and noises around me, and breathed in her heavenly scent, concentrating only on feeling her in my arms. My love. My life. My Bella. We had been granted a new hope, with an unlikely alliance, and for that, I was utterly grateful.

I pressed her closer to me, and became nearly instantly aroused at the sensation of her warm body flush against mine, her hip rubbing against my groin, and a low moan escaped my lips. God, how I wanted her, how I needed her. To make love to her, to claim her as mine, and mine alone.

_Deviant_.

_Selfish monster._

_Not now. Not now. Not now_.

I gently broke away from her as the music transitioned into another song. "Thank you for this dance," I smiled as I carefully pulled her hands from my neck, grasping one in my own.

Bella smiled a little. "It wasn't so bad," she said huskily, looking at me from beneath her long eyelashes, and I wondered for a long moment if she had noticed my budding erection. If I could have blushed, I probably would have.

"Er...," I fumbled, embarrassed at having no control over my bodily reaction, quickly scanning the room as a diversion and seeing some of the children grab their jackets and move to the door. "I believe people are starting to leave. Shall we go to the door? Wish them a good night?"

"Sure," she said eagerly and let me lead the way. As our guests filed out of the house, with shouts of thanks and goodbyes, Bella and I stood by the front door, surrounded by Alice and Carlisle.

"Thank you for coming," Alice must have repeated a hundred times, while Bella mumbled her goodbyes as well. Eventually, after the last car left, the house was finally ours again.

"Ugh – finally," Bella said when the final taillights disappeared through the trees. "That took forever."

I suppressed a grimace at her comment and wondered if she really understood the meaning of forever, of eternity. It didn't seem that way, and it worried me. Forever would be a long time to regret her choice. And it would kill me if it came to that. I banished the morose thought.

We all let out a great big sigh, when I closed the front door and turned around. The whole family was grinning; Emmett's the widest of them all. The stress, the despondency on our faces had been replaced with confidence. The newborns didn't stand a chance.

"Can we talk about this?" Bella asked, looking from one smiling face to another, and chewed on her bottom lip. "I mean, you seem so relieved, and I... well, I don't understand why you're not worried anymore."

"Well," I began, "it's like Alice said earlier. Separately we could all get killed. There are too many of them, and the fight would be too even. With the help of the wolves, it won't be a problem at all."

"Are you trying to tell us that you're the only one who's allowed to fight with werewolves?" Emmett laughed boisterously. "That wouldn't be fair, now would it?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes but refrained from her usual method of keeping Emmett in line. "_Dumbass – take it seriously, will you_?"

"Come on, Bella, really – this will be almost too easy now," Alice tried to reassure her.

Esme came forward to embrace Bella. "Sweetheart, please don't worry – everything is all right now." She kissed Bella's forehead before stepping back and returning to Carlisle.

"Believe us," Alice said again, with a confident smile, "it really will be fine. We won't have a problem now. "

Bella groaned in response. I went to get her jacket for her, as Alice was eyeing Jasper meaningfully, and he sent out a swirl of calm towards Bella. It had the desired effect, and the worry lines on her forehead ceased.

"Please don't worry, dear," Carlisle injected, "as much as I abhor violence, this is something we have to take care of, and we will train the wolves properly so they won't have any trouble at all. Please believe us. I would not consider letting them assist us if I wasn't sure that they could handle it."

There was a beat of silence before she spoke again.

"What time is it?" Bella asked, turning to me. Her face suddenly looked resolved. I wondered what she had decided now and promised myself to find out on the way home.

"It's shortly after midnight," I answered. "Do you want me to take you home now? You must be tired. Don't worry about the clean-up, we'll take care of that." I held her jacket out to her, and she slipped it on.

"Yes, please," she said, "if you're sure I can't help you clean."

"Nah," Emmett drawled with a dismissive wave of his hand, "don't worry about it. Won't take long at all... we move fast." And then he laughed at his own joke.

I shot him a glance. "All right, let's go," I said to Bella. She was worrying her lip again. Alice walked up and patted her on the head.

"It'll be all right, Bella. Quit worrying. Let Edward take you home, and get some sleep."

Bella groaned again as I pulled her towards the garage and the Volvo.

After I had buckled her in and gotten in my own seat, I started down the driveway. Bella turned to me as we reached the highway.

"That had to be the longest party in the history of the world," she complained.

I rubbed her arm soothingly. "It's over now," I reminded her gently. She was silent for a while as I drove through the night towards her house.

"You're taking me with you tonight," she suddenly whispered, fiercely determined, her voice like velvety steel.

_What? No! Much too dangerous_.

We didn't know yet if the wolves would be able to restrain themselves, or if one of us might lose their temper. I didn't want Bella to see any violence if it was avoidable.

"Bella, you're worn out," I tried although I didn't have much hope. I realized that this was what she had resolved earlier at home, while we all had tried to reassure her.

"You think I could sleep?" she accused.

I frowned, what little hope I had of convincing her dashed. She would be obstinate, stubborn as usual. Perhaps I should explain why I didn't want her to come with me tonight. Perhaps that would make her see reason.

"This is an experiment. I'm not sure if it will be possible for us all to... cooperate. I don't want you in the middle of that."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "If you won't take me, then I'll call Jacob."

I felt like she had punched me in the stomach, and I had to swallow a snarl at the veiled threat she uttered. My eyes narrowed. Throwing down the gauntlet like she just had was utterly unfair, and she knew it, too, judging by the fleeting expression of instant chagrin I saw on her face before she collected herself.

Before I could answer, we had arrived at her house and I stopped the car. "See you upstairs," she muttered, as she got out of the car and walked to the front door, not giving me a chance to say anything in rebuttal.

_Damn_!

As soon as the door closed behind her, I gunned the engine and flew home through the deserted streets. I pulled my cellphone out and called Alice. "She has decided that she wants to come with me tonight. Can you see if I can persuade her not to?"

It took only a moment before Alice answered. "Doesn't look like it. Her future is just as dark as ours right now."

"Fantastic," I groaned. "Well, I'm going to try anyway. I'm heading home to drop off the car, and then I'll run back to her house. Maybe I can get her to sleep. I'll see you later tonight. Thanks."

I didn't wait for her to answer and ended the call, screeching into the garage.

_Damn! Damn! Damn!_

A few minutes later, I climbed through Bella's window. She had put Charlie to bed, and he was snoring peacefully, dreaming about baseball scores and new fishing rods.

I waited, sitting in her old rocking chair, while Bella went to the bathroom to freshen up. When she came back, she had changed into jeans and a simple flannel shirt, a clear indicator that she was going to fight me on this all the way. By now I knew when I couldn't win, and I knew when to give up. Knowing didn't mean that I had to be happy about it.

My eyes stayed on Bella as she hung up the lovely blue sweater and skirt ensemble, and I silently begged that she would wear it again for me one day. My body betrayed me yet again when I took in her body clad in blue jeans that enhanced the curves of her buttocks, the flannel shirt gaping open at the top, hinting at the creaminess of her skin, flowing over the gentle swell of her bosom. My own pants were getting tight and uncomfortable, and I knew my face gave away my dismay with my uncontrollable manhood as Bella glanced at me.

"Come here," she said as she took my hand and pulled me over to her bed. I followed her eagerly, letting her push me down and curl up against my chest, gladly offering her the comfort she seemed to crave. I tucked the quilt around her so she wouldn't shiver against my cold skin, and pulled her close against me, inhaling deeply, as my throat blazed from her incomparable scent.

Bella's face was still a mixture of steely resolve, and nervous worry, her heart beating faster than usual.

"Please relax," I tried for lack of a better idea.

"Sure," she said, somewhat condescendingly.

"This is going to work, Bella. I can feel it."

Her teeth snapped at my words and her heart sped up further. She began to slightly tremble in my arms, and I was desperate to make her feel better. Even if she was only worried about the wolves.

My silent heart constricted with ancient pain, but I swallowed the venom down and smothered the anguish with the love I felt for her, and my need to calm her down. I chose my words carefully, trying to make her see what had us all so relieved tonight.

"Listen to me, Bella. This is going to be _easy_. The newborns will be completely taken by surprise. They'll have no more idea that werewolves even exist than you did. I've seen how they act in a group, the way Jasper remembers. I truly believe that the wolves' hunting technique will work flawlessly against them. And with them divided and confused, there won't be enough for the rest of us to do. Someone may have to sit out," I ended my explanation on a teasing note.

"Piece of cake," she muttered in a monotonous voice, muffled by my shirt.

"Shh," I whispered, and raised my hand to gently stroke her face. "You'll see. Don't worry now."

As my last resort, I started to hum the lullaby that she had inspired shortly after we met, after I had allowed myself to see the feelings I had for what they were – desperate, undying love for the fragile girl beside me. Her trembling stopped, her breaths became more even, and her hear, so erratic before, returned to its regular beat. Her body remained tense in my arms.

For first time in my memory, the lullaby didn't work. She did not fall asleep – to my dismay. The minutes ticked by, and her posture against me never relaxed completely, her breathing never became deeper. Her eyes stayed wide open and I could feel her eyelashes brush against my shirt every so often.

Such a stubborn girl. Such obstinacy.

Magnificent.

_All mine_.

At two-thirty that morning, I raised us both up and tried once more to dissuade her. "Are you sure you don't want to stay and sleep?"

The irritated look she threw at me as a silent reply would have made a human man tremble. I sighed and gathered her in my arms to jump from her windowsill. Down below, I carefully slung her on my back, and made sure that her legs were securely wrapped around my waist. Bella put her head into the crook of my neck and kissed my cold skin, as I took off running, slowly increasing my speed until we were nearly flying towards the clearing.

Exhilarated, my feet barely touching the ground, I allowed myself to just relish this run, the wind blowing through my hair, my face split wide with a grin of enjoyment. I ran for myself, and for Bella, not thinking of impending fights, of threats to our lives, of bloodthirsty newborns or an overgrown mutt who had thrust himself between Bella and me.

The love of my life was clinging to me, her hot mouth pressing kisses on my neck, and for that moment, while I ran with her through the nighttime forest – life was simply wonderful.

About three miles out, I picked up the thoughts of my family who had already arrived at the large open space where we had played baseball just about a year ago. I reflected on the sadistic vampire who had threatened Bella, hunted her in a sick and twisted game of cat and mouse and nearly killed her, and who had in the end received the death penalty for his wickedness instead.

I had nearly lost her then.

I had almost left her then.

While she lay recuperating in a hospital in Phoenix, Bella had made me promise to stay with her, and I did promise - as long as I thought that was best for her. She had begged me to stay. And I had stayed, through the summer break into the new school year, spending as much time with her as possible.

The doubts had stayed, encapsulated in an attempt to distance myself.

But when Jasper lost control at her birthday party, it had been the final catalyst to convince me to leave, thinking that my leaving would be best for her.

I had never been so wrong. It was clear to me now that Bella thought _I_ was what was best for her, inexplicable as it may be, undeserving and unworthy as I was. Every passing day inched me closer to the point where I would surrender to her and make her mine forever.

Another kiss from Bella shook me from my morbid train of thought. "Thank you," I whispered. "I needed that."

I felt her smile against my skin. We were about a mile away now, and I could hear my family laughing and talking.

"Better take a few more breaths before their nasty stench fouls up the air," Rosalie sneered. Emmett laughed boisterously, dancing back and forth like a boxing champ, punching his fists towards an unseen opponent. "When are they s'posed to get here? Are we gonna mock-fight them tonight?"

"Probably not, Emmett," Jasper tried to suppress a grimace, shaking his head at his brother's enthusiasm. "Honestly, I don't know that we or they could handle that. I told them three a.m."

His mind focused on the upcoming training, and to my surprise, a plan to demonstrate why Bella shouldn't worry about Alice. He'd noticed her concern. The war-weary soldier who was my brother, who had taken up this life of sacrifice out of love for his own mate and only lived with us _because_ of Alice, truly saw Bella as a member of the family now, and his gratitude to have received her forgiveness was nearly as great as my own. He would gladly fight any number of newborns if it meant saving her life.

We all would. Even Rosalie. I knew that now.

"Edward and Bella will arrive in twenty seconds," Alice piped up, laughing as she twirled around Jasper, trying to distract him.

Carlisle was deep in thought, concerned about various tempers flaring tonight, and hoping that the meeting would go well, still somewhat disbelieving that they would actually show up.

"I want to remind you all to stay calm tonight," he said gently, looking at no one in particular on purpose, not wanting to offend Rosalie or Emmett with any insinuation. "This will likely be very difficult for them and for us, and I need us all to stay collected. We cannot afford to get into any altercations, or offend them in any way. Please, follow Jasper's lead."

He was certain that I could hear them so he included me in his admonition.

"_Can you hear us yet, dear boy_?" Esme thought, her maternal instincts at the surface. "_I brought a blanket for Bella in case she gets cold; some water and snacks for her, too_."

I broke through the last of the trees, and gently set Bella on her feet. With her hand firmly in mine, we walked towards our family.

Both Carlisle and Esme smiled at us, and Rosalie tried for a smile as well. Emmett was still air-punching, warming up. Alice was still dancing circles around Jasper, exuberant and yet subdued, worried about not being able to see the outcome of this meeting because we had all allowed ourselves to be dependent on the wolves.

"You know what I think?" Bella said next to me, looking at my face. The ridiculous irony of her question made me laugh out loud. Her mind, the only one I could not hear, was one of the very few I _wanted_ to hear.

"No," I answered, still chuckling. "What do you think?"

How many times had I asked her that question, wishing that I could hear the thought processes in her head? I understood now that this disconnect was one of the reason I hadn't believed she loved me as deeply as I loved her. I had needed that confirmation, doubting her because I couldn't hear her thoughts, knowing that the deplorable monster in me was not worthy of her affection.

I didn't believe then, but that all changed after Italy. Though on occasion, the self-loathing monster inside me overpowered my trust and made me doubt her again. It was a daily battle but I was slower getting better at keeping the feeling of unworthiness subdued.

"I think it's _all_ connected. Not just the two, but all three."

I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. "You've lost me," I admitted and stopped walking to pull her around to face me, waiting for her explanation.

"Three bad things have happened since you came back." She raised her free yet brace-clad hand and used her fingers to tick off each one. "The newborns in Seattle. The stranger in my room. And – first of all – Victoria came to look for me."

My eyes turned to slits at the name of the hated immortal, and as the possible truth of Bella's words sank into my brain, it settled as a lump of ice in my stomach. My muscles tensed as I fought off the sudden panic, needing more verification. Could she be right? Could the vengeful vampire I had chased all over the continent not too long ago really be behind all this? She'd led me on a wild goose chase, and I had found out that my tracking ability was utterly dismal. She'd always stayed just a step ahead of me, wreaking havoc in her path, and left it for me to clean up as I followed her. It was almost as if she had a special gift for evasion, for creating a diversion that threw a pursuer off her track.

Jasper was listening intently when he heard Victoria's name. "_Edward – Bella may be right. It makes a lot more sense than to think the Volturi are behind this. But where would the bitch have gotten that idea_?"

"Why do you think so?" I asked Bella, staring at her, trying in vain yet again to break the mental barrier of her mute mind.

"Because I agree with Jasper," Bella said, and I could see Jasper's small smile from the corner of my eye, and an emotion similar to pride flitting through his mind.

"The Volturi love their rules," Bella continued, "they would probably do a better job anyway."

She had a good point there, but I wasn't fully satisfied with her explanation. It still didn't explain why the redheaded bitch would be behind the mess we were facing.

"Remember when you were tracking Victoria last year?" Bella asked. Her face was smooth at this point as if she was trying to hide the anguish at the memory of our time apart – pain I could still see in the deep chocolate brown of her expressive eyes. Her heart skipped a beat.

Bella's pain was my pain. "Yes," I said, frowning to hide the guilt of my incompetence but compelled to admit my failure freely. "I wasn't very good at it."

"You said you were in Texas. Did you follow her there?" Bella pressed on, ignoring my admission, still looking at me intently.

I felt my eyebrows pull together as I returned her gaze. "Yes. Hmm... "

The few vampires I had spoken to in Texas, always at night, while searching for Victoria had not been able to give me much information on her whereabouts, but their thoughts were hostile, defensive, and full of memories of the vampires wars they had survived. If Victoria had spoken to any of them, they may have mentioned their history to her – perhaps she had even asked questions. Nearly all southern vampires knew the stories of what had happened in the South, but very few had seen in with their own eyes and lived to tell the tale.

"See – she could have gotten the idea there," Bella said, becoming more animated with every word. "But she doesn't know what she's doing, so the newborns are all out of control."

That, too, made a lot of sense. I knew from Jasper's memories that it was violent and dirty work to control newborns, and not everyone was capable of it. The neophytes in Seattle had just been set loose, it seemed, and that also worked with Bella's theory. But it didn't explain how their creator kept his or her thoughts and plans hidden from Alice.

I wondered if Bella had a thought on that discrepancy, too, as I shook my head in answer. "Only Aro knows exactly how Alice's visions work."

"Aro would know _best_," Bella immediately answered my unspoken question. "But wouldn't Tanya and Irina and the rest of your friends in Denali know _enough_? Laurent lived with them for so long. And if he was still friendly enough with Victoria to be doing favors for her, why wouldn't he also tell her everything he knew?"

_Jesus Christ_.

Again, she made perfect sense and the lump of ice in my stomach began to melt from the fury that was starting to blaze inside me. I frowned at Bella, still trying to find holes in her arguments. I didn't know why, but the urge was overwhelming. The fire began to rage to infernal proportions before another dispelling thought hit my mind. I knew Victoria's scent.

"That wasn't Victoria in your room," I countered Bella's logic.

"She can't make new friends? Think about it, Edward. If it _is_ Victoria doing this in Seattle, she's _made_ a lot of new friends. She's created them."

Her theory was compelling, well thought out and each of my counter-arguments had been answered. I still didn't quite believe that Victoria had the brainpower to come up with this intricate scheme. Her false trails had been clever, but this was on a much grander scale. It didn't quite fit her previous pattern of feinting and retreating. Was it possible that Bella was right?

No. It had to be the Volturi. Not officially, perhaps. Without Aro's explicit command, possibly. What I had read in Caius' thoughts, while our fate was debated in that horrid circular hall, convinced me that he saw our family as a threat to their reign, and a double-cross such as this would give him and Aro both what they wanted – Alice and I enslaved as new members of the guard, and the rest of the Cullens destroyed.

Then again – Victoria had been in Texas; I knew that for a fact. I had followed yet another false trail there, and then went to Brazil, ending up in the attic of a rundown tenement building. The trail had ended there, and the redheaded bitch had returned to Forks, having successfully evaded my pursuit. The plot to create newborns and let them wreak havoc certainly suited her – she would be in no danger as long as she didn't accompany them. She had used similar evasion tactics when Esme and Rosalie followed her during James' hunt for Bella – they'd watched her while Carlisle, Emmett and I flew to Phoenix, but they had lost her trail once James was dead.

Could Victoria have broken out of her routine? If she had concocted this plan, I had seriously underestimated her.

Not that this was a new experience for me – I had proven to be a completely arrogant ass when I underestimated Bella's love for me.

Still – Bella couldn't be right – she couldn't – because that meant I had overlooked an important aspect in this whole scenario, and it was a brutal blow to my pride. I didn't see this coming – what good was I as her protector?

"Hmm," I said slowly, going through her theory in my mind again. "It's possible. I still think the Volturi are most likely... but your theory – there's something there. Victoria's personality. Your theory suits her personality perfectly. She's shown a remarkable gift for self-preservation from the start – maybe it's a talent of hers. In any case, this plot would put her in no danger at all from us, if she sits safely behind and lets the newborns wreak their havoc here. And maybe little danger from the Volturi, either. Perhaps she's counting on us to win, in the end, though certainly not without heavy casualties of our own. But no survivors from her little army to bear witness against her. In fact... ," I trailed off for a moment and thought about what I had so far learned about this hated vampire. If she _had_ created this army of neophytes, she would likely have planned to kill any survivors herself, and that might put her close enough for us to catch her. Certainly, she wouldn't expect the wolves on our side, and that would definitely work in our favor.

"If there were survivors," I continued out loud my thoughts out loud, "I'd bet she'd be planning to destroy them herself... Hmm."

But this meant that Bella's visitor could not have been a newborn. How long had the vile immortal planned and plotted this? The unknown vampire that had stolen Bella's clothes would have had to be at least three or four months past the day of its creation, and _very_ well fed before undertaking this excursion. It explained though why the trail had ended suddenly when Emmett and Jasper had pursued it. Perhaps it had been Victoria in that car.

Possible. Definitely possible.

"Still, she'd have to have at least one friend who was a bit more mature. No fresh-made newborn left your father alive... "

I hadn't meant to say that out loud and quickly glanced at Bella whose heart rate and breathing had suddenly increased. I silently begged forgiveness, frowning at my faux-pas.

I was suddenly immensely proud of Bella, so overwhelmingly proud that Jasper shot an questioning glance at me – not only had she made the connection between the newborns and the unknown vampire in her room, she also had thought of another angle to this whole mess, one that I hadn't even considered because I had relied on Alice's visions of Victoria. I understood now how the redheaded monster had been able to circumvent being seen.

"_Bella sure is something, Edward_," Jasper thought appreciatively. "_We ought to look some more into that theory..._ "

Yes, we definitely should, but either way, it made no immediate difference. We still had to fight the newborns come Saturday.

Bella's perceptiveness put me in awe of her, and I simply had to tell her. I looked at her, capturing her eyes with mine, and smiled widely.

"Definitely possible. Regardless, we've got to be prepared for anything until we know for sure. You're very perceptive today," I told the glorious creature in front of me. "It's impressive."

Bella sighed. "Maybe I'm just reacting to this place. It makes me feel like she's close by... like she sees me now."

My jaw tightened at her words, and ferocious protectiveness shot through me from the pit of my stomach. The fire began to burn again. "She'll never touch you, Bella," I promised fiercely.

I let my eyes graze over the trees surrounding the clearing, extended my hearing to the very limits of my range. The inferno inside me raged nearly out of control – I wanted to wrap my hands around the neck of the redheaded devil incarnate and rip her head clean off. Destroy her, and everyone else who'd ever dared to threaten Bella's life.

Perhaps I would get the chance after all. If this was Victoria's doing she would be somewhere on the sidelines, and I _would_ find her this time and rip her apart. The fire inside was stoked by wild, hopeful anticipation and I knew my eyes gleamed at the possibility of this chance, as I allowed the feral beast that was part of me to shine through.

Yes. I would kill her. And I would _really_ enjoy it.

"Yet, what I wouldn't give to have her that close," I murmured longingly, not realizing I was speaking out loud. "Victoria, and anyone else who's ever thought of hurting you. To have the chance to end this myself. To finish it with my own hands this time."

Bella shuddered next to me, and I nearly gasped at my stupidity. I had scared her. I knew I had – her hand clenched tightly around my fingers, intertwined with her own.

"_I can't see a darn thing_ – _why, oh why can't I see those rotten dogs_? _I hate flying blind._" Alice had begun to pout with frustration, stomping her feet at vampire speed while Jasper stretched next to her, trying to relax as he absorbed her anger.

Alice looked at Jasper. "God!" she exclaimed, too low for Bella to hear, "This is ridiculous. I feel so useless."

"I love you anyway." Jasper smiled and sent a wave of love to her, and the foot stomping stopped. The frustration did not.

"Is something wrong with Alice?" my ever observant beautiful girl asked me, her voice a soft whisper in the night.

I chuckled a little at Alice's antics. "The werewolves are on their way, so she can't see anything that will happen now. It makes her uncomfortable to be blind."

My little sister heard me, of course. Her eyes flew up to meet mine, and in typical Alice fashion, she thanked me by sticking her little tongue out at me.

"_At least you can still hear them. I guess we'll just have to rely on you reading their thoughts. I really hate this. Are they close yet_?"

I shook my head infinitesimally. They were still too far away for me to hear, but I was fairly certain they'd be close soon enough. I needed to prepare for the onslaught of six minds who all thought independently, and in sync, at the same time. I briefly wondered if they'd come as wolves or men.

"Hey, Edward, hey Bella," Emmett shouted as we arrived where my family was standing, scattered about, and looked appraisingly at Bella. "Is he going to let you practice, too?"

He laughed when I groaned at his little joke. "Please, Emmett, don't give her any ideas."

"When will our guests arrive?" Carlisle asked, walking over to us. "_Can you hear them yet_?"

I took a moment to let my hearing stretch outward. It was then that I heard the first thoughts of the wolf pack. Sam Uley was in the lead, with Jacob Black on his right flank, and the big gray wolf on his left. They were still a few miles away but running at nearly full speed. They'd be here soon.

Sam Uley's thoughts were cautious, untrusting, but I could see the argument Jacob had used on him, and it had been a good one. If the newborns came all this way, some of them might stray into Quileute land. Bella's scent trail went that route, too.

Unfortunately.

"_Hey, bloodsucker, can you hear us yet_?" That was Jacob Black. It was an odd phenomenon to hear his thought reverberate in the minds of the other wolves, like an echo.

I sighed. This would be extremely difficult, to listen to them, trying to keep straight who was thinking what. Human minds didn't work that way – their thoughts were not echoed in each other's minds, but the wolves had a strange connection. In wolf form, they could talk to each other in their thoughts.

"A minute and a half. But I'm going to have to translate. They don't trust us enough to use their human forms."

"_I would imagine so_," Carlisle nodded. "This is hard for them," he continued out loud, "I'm grateful they're coming at all."

"_We'd be hard pressed to win without them_." Jasper's thoughts were in line with Carlisle's.

"They're coming as wolves?" Bella gasped next to me, her eyes growing impossibly round, and swallowed hard.

I took careful stock of her expression. She seemed afraid, and I wondered if she had ever seen her friend in his wolf form.

I knew from Alice that when Laurent had stumbled upon Bella in the meadow, the wolves had saved her – so she must have seen some of them. Had Jacob already gone through his first transformation then?

As I listened to the thoughts of the approaching wolves and tried to separate them into different minds, I heard more than just six of them.

_Holy shit_!

There were ten wolves. Ten, not six, as Bella had told me. I wondered if she knew that the pack had become larger.

We had been counting on six to aid us. We now had ten wolves on our side. I wanted to rub my hands in glee, but one of them was still tightly clutched in Bella's own hand. Glee – because with ten wolves fighting with us, we might be able to lay a trap for whoever had created these newborns, and if it truly was Victoria, I would have a much better chance at ending her little game for good. Forever.

I turned to my family, who was standing off to the side.

"Prepare yourselves – they've been holding out on us." I couldn't quite suppress the gleeful tone in my voice.

"What do you mean?" Alice demanded. "_Holding out how_?"

"Shh," I said in response. I had to concentrate on catching their thoughts. I stared into the forest, trying to pinpoint where they would appear.

The thudding of paws was now loud enough for the rest of my family to hear, and they spread out from their informal circle into a wide line, with Jasper and Emmett at the spear point.

I didn't realize that I was leaning towards them, wanting to be part of the defensive line as I usually was, until Bella's hand tightened again on mine, and I knew I needed to stay by her side, to protect her and keep her safe.

By that time, we could all see the approaching wolves, dark eyes glinting through the trees, their massive bodies streaking silently through the forest, and the thoughts of my family was a mixture of fascination, appreciation and apprehension. Rosalie and Esme, neither of them a strong fighter, exchanged a glance and fear was foremost in their minds.

"Damn," Emmett muttered quietly under his breath, saying out loud what we were all thinking, "did you ever see anything like it?"

_"It's still as shocking as the first time I saw them! Jeez -_ _big as a horse_!" Jasper exclaimed in his mind. "_'Twas bad enough last time, and then it was only five of 'em_."

"_Now I really feel tiny_," Alice thought and moved a few steps behind Jasper.

"What is it?" Bella whispered, "I can't see."

I leaned down to her ear. "The pack has grown," I murmured. She looked at me questioningly, but the wolves were too close now for me to say any more.

The combined stench coming off the wolves was atrocious. "_God, they stink_," Rosalie shuddered inwardly and I had to agree. Not that we smelled any better to them. Our scent burned their noses, especially when they were in wolf form.

At the command from Sam Uley, the wolves spread out into a single line opposite ours and halted their approach. Ten pairs of dark eyes glimmered through the trees. They were given silent orders to remain in the line and sit on the forest floor.

Their thoughts ranged from disgust at our scent to apprehension to barely controlled urge to attack. There was only one whose mind was not consumed by negative thoughts. One of their newest members – a young wolf named Seth. His thoughts were more of the curious variety. He was prepared to give us a chance, and override his fear. I instantly liked this young kid just for that, and hoped that he wouldn't change his mind over time. It would be nice to have at least one in their rank that didn't think of us as the deplorable monsters of their legends.

The collective minds took up most of my concentration, though I still felt Bella tensed next to me, her heart beating faster than usual, and her breathing shallow. There was so much information coming from the wolf pack, so much data to absorb – all I could to was try to soak it all up and store it, to dissect it later.

I found one mental voice that was – female? A girl named Leah, whose thoughts included a maternal concern towards her brother Seth, and who also was in love with Sam Uley, though he was no longer with her. His thoughts were full of a girl named Emily, and I could see her in his mind. Leah's thoughts were mostly hateful towards the other wolves, and she kept bringing up the question of paternity of one of them, in a rather petty way. She was the one most averse to being here, the least willing participant in this unlikely and unexpected alliance.

The other wolves were stymied and unhappy that a female had joined their ranks; it was not something their legends had mentioned ever happening, and the internal muttering was getting louder as she bitingly made comment after silent comment.

"_Silence!_" Sam Uley snapped in his mind, his timbre a little lower than his usual voice. The wolves' thoughts fell quiet.

Ah – that had to be the alpha voice I'd heard about in Jacob's mind.

"Fascinating," I heard myself murmur.

My father looked at me. "_Should I... _?"

I nodded imperceptibly. Carlisle took a slow step forward, very deliberate in his movement, keeping his eyes on the wolves, his posture relaxed to reassure them, and himself. Jasper and Emmett stood their ground, unmoving but tension rolling off them in waves.

"Welcome," Carlisle spoke his greeting in the general direction of the line of wolves.

"_You'll have to translate, leech_, _think you can manage_?" Jacob snarled in his mind.

"_Shut up, Jake_," Sam Uley barked back silently before he turned his eyes to me. "_Thank you_."

I repeated his words in the same monotone voice I heard in his head.

"_We will watch and listen, but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self-control_."

So they would not be participating in the actual training, just as Jasper had predicted. Again, I repeated the words the pack leader had spoken.

"That is more than enough," Carlisle said in his most gentle voice as he gestured towards Jasper. "My son Jasper has experience in this area. He will teach us how they fight, how they are to be defeated. I'm sure you can apply this to your own hunting style."

The internal murmurs swelled at my father's words, questioning his assertion that there were different kinds of vampires, and wondering that he would call Jasper his son.

"They are different from you?" I repeated the thought in Sam's head.

Carlisle nodded. "They are all very new – only months old to this life. Children, in a way. They will have no skill or strategy, only brute strength. Tonight their numbers stand at twenty. Ten for us, ten for you – it shouldn't be difficult. The numbers may go down. The new ones fight amongst themselves."

Again, the internal mutterings increased in volume, and now were joined by a low rumbled growling. The tenor of their thoughts had changed. No longer were they apprehensive of us, they were now itching for a fight with the newborns, mentally rubbing their hands in anticipation, and _complaining_ that ten weren't enough vampires to entertain them. It was utterly fascinating to watch and listen to them.

"_We are willing to take more than our share, if necessary._" Sam Uley nearly grinned, no longer so indifferent as before. Again, I repeated his thought out loud in the same tone of voice he was using.

"_I'm sure you are._" Carlisle thought indulgently and smiled at the large, black wolf. "_I sure am glad they're on _our_ side, Edward_."

"We'll see how it plays out," he said in response to the wolf leader's offer.

"_Do you know when and how they'll arrive_?" Sam asked and I related the question.

"They'll come across the mountains in four days, in the late morning. As they approach, Alice will help us intercept their path."

They all knew what Alice could do, so there was no question in anyone's mind at Carlisle's words.

"Thank you for the information. We will watch." I relayed the thought in Sam's mind, as he gave the command to the pack to lie down. All ten wolves sank to the ground.

Jasper was nervous and wary as he stepped into the space between the wolves and our line. He threw a glance at me. "_If I turn my back to them, will they jump me? Is it safe, Edward_?"

"_Damn, look at the scars on that one_," a young boy named Brady muttered. "_He looks scarier than all the others_."

He was one of the most recent addition to their rank, still very immature and unable to control his thoughts. I suppressed a smile, nodding encouragingly at Jasper, and he turned to face us with a sigh, still very uncomfortable to expose himself.

"_I trust you, man. Keep watch,_" he implored me before he began to speak.

"Carlisle's right. They'll fight like children. The most important things you'll need to remember are, first, don't let them get their arms around you, and second, don't go for the obvious kill. That's all they'll be prepared for. As long as you come at them from the side and keep moving, they'll be too confused to respond effectively. Emmett?"

"_Yay_," Emmett cheered silently, stepping forward, "_let's give them a little show_."

Jasper backed towards on end of the open space between our two lines, beckoning Emmett to follow him.

"Okay, Emmett first. He's the best example of a newborn attack."

"What are you trying to say, my brother?" Emmett muttered under his breath, his eyes narrowing. "Are you calling me confused? I'll try not to break anything."

I nearly laughed at the outrage on Emmett's face.

Jasper grinned. "What I meant is that Emmett relies on his strength. He's very straightforward about the attack. The newborns won't be trying anything subtle, either. Just go for the easy kill, Emmett."

Jasper backed up a few more paces and tensed, his body falling into a posture just short of a hunting crouch. The wolves eyes were glued to the two vampires in front of them.

"Okay, Emmett – try to catch me."

Immediately, Emmett charged straightforward, snarling, a wide grin splitting his face, arms outstretched. At the last moment, Jasper ducked to the side underneath Emmett's arm, and he whirled around, growling.

I leaned forward, watching them intently, trying to learn, absorb, prepare.

Jasper and Emmett continued – each time Emmett thought he had him, Jasper would once again whirl and Emmett's hands clutched only air. They were moving so fast, it had to be blur to Bella. I looked down at her for a moment but her eyes were locked on the scene in front of us.

After a few more moments, Jasper changed tactics. On Emmett's next charge, he used the momentum from his whirl to the side to jump onto Emmett's back and wrapped his arms around Emmett's neck. The burly vampire froze as Jasper's teeth ended up just an inch from his neck.

"Fuck!" Emmett cussed. "Goddamn it!"

Esme cringed and Rosalie grimaced. Carlisle's face was smooth, though he inwardly cringed as Esme had. Alice giggled quietly.

The reactions from the wolf pack were rumbled growls and thoughts of appreciation.

"_Damn, did you see that? If the newborns fight like that big brawny one, they don't stand a chance_."

"_Jeez, he's huge, but the other one's so fast_."

"_Hey, Leah – think you could outrun that_?"

The comments abounded and I had to suppress a grin. Or five.

"Again," Emmett insisted, no longer smiling. "We'll see who wins this time, my brother."

I wanted a chance to show off, conceited as the desire was. "It's my turn," I protested, and Bella tensed her fingers around mine.

"_Not yet, Edward_."

"In a minute," Jasper grinned at me, and now I saw why he wanted me to wait. "I want to show Bella something first." He waved Alice forward, and the little pixie lithely danced into the open space.

"I know you worry about her," Jasper addressed Bella directly, his thoughts warmly focused on her, protective as a big brother would feel. "I want to show you why that's not necessary."

Alice smiled as Jasper sank into a crouch, slowly shifting forward to where she stood motionless. She closed her eyes as he stalked her. I felt Bella tense up beside me, her heart beating erratically, her breaths coming in little gasps. I tightened my fingers around hers for a short moment to reassure her. I hoped she knew that Jasper would never harm Alice in any way.

As Jasper launched himself through the air to spring at Alice, I could watch the vision through her mind. At the very last moment, she stepped to the side, and he landed behind her, wheeling around.

Again, he sprang, again she took a small step at the last possible fraction of a second, and he landed without touching her. The next time, he tried for her waist, but the vision came and she stepped out of his grasp again, her eyes still closed, her mind still focused.

Jasper moved closer to begin each new attack, and the speed of movements increased. Alice was gracefully dancing around his advances, whirling, spiraling, twisting. Jasper didn't have a chance, and he knew it. Which was why he wanted Bella to see this.

Finally, Alice laughed and when he sprang at her again, she twisted to the side, whirled around and was perched on his back, planting a kiss on his neck.

"Gotcha," she grinned.

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. "You truly are one frightening little monster."

"_Holy shit – she's tiny, and she completely took him by surprise_."

"_That was scary – she's just a little bitty thing_."

"_The big one can't take him, but that tiny little bloodsucker can_?"

"_Damn... just... damn... _"

"_Pfft._.. _they obviously planned that_... _she's the psychic, remember_?"

The collective thoughts were wary, apprehensive again. It was almost funny to watch the growing disquiet Alice's performance had caused. Their cockiness was subdued – for the moment. I knew there was a small smile on my face when I turned to Bella to whisper my assessment.

"It's good for them to learn some respect."

I squeezed her hand to reassure her before letting go. "My turn," I said to Jasper, unable to keep the impatience out of my voice.

"_Let's see what you've got, dear brother_," Jasper sneered, though not without amusement. "_Shall we give them a show_?"

I smiled menacingly. "Sure, why not."

"_I'll sit next to Bella, Edward,_" Alice thought, "_so she won't be alone. I'll keep her busy while you pretend to fight against Jazz. Be nice, though, you hear_?"

And all of a sudden she was blocking me from reading her thoughts.

What the hell?

Was she kidding?

So annoying.

I had no time to worry about her antics.

Even a mock-fight against Jasper was a tricky undertaking. He had a century of experience fighting with and against newborns, and the moves he used were completely unfamiliar to me. He tried to go on instinct as much as possible, but his mind gave him away, just a fraction of a second before he moved, and though it wasn't enough for me to take him, it also wasn't enough for him to win.

We came at each other, again and again, intensely focused, snarling instinctively, both of us wearing a leering smile. I tried to anticipate his moves and failed miserably; he outsmarted my own moves with his experience.

"_Is that all you got, Edward_? _Come on, you can do better than that._" Jasper began to mock me, and I doubled my efforts, but it wasn't enough. Again and again we approached, sprang, clashed, but neither of us was able to overpower the other. Eventually, Carlisle cleared his throat.

"_Okay, boys, that's enough playtime_."

"_Nicely done_," Jasper laughed as he stepped back. I straightened out of my crouch and grinned.

"Likewise."

"Back to work," he said out loud, "we'll call it a draw."

The wolves had watched cautiously, seeing that we were evenly matched. Of course, thanks to Jacob Black, they all knew of my talent, so in a way, they attributed my not losing against Jasper to my unfair advantage. I tried not to let that get to me. In a war, one must use every advantage possible – to not do so would be utter foolishness. And while I was certainly capable of being a great fool when it came to Bella, and I often let my arrogance get the better of me, I was not a fool in a fight.

Far from it.

The practice continued. I took my place at Bella's side again, wrapping her in my arms, and Alice danced back to the sideline to watch the rest of it. Carlisle hated every minute of his turn, but tried hard not to show it, knowing that he needed to learn this as much as any of us. We didn't have a choice – we could not stand by. Not when Bella's life was in danger.

Bella cringed next to me when it was Esme's turn. It was difficult watching Esme fight Jasper, even though I knew he would never hurt her. She just wasn't a fighter – I think even the wolves realized this, judging by their thoughts of aversion and disgust when they watch Jasper attack. They were raised to always protect the weak – and that was how Esme looked to them. Even though she was a vampire, a _cold one_ of their legends.

Eventually, Jasper slowed down his movements to give direct instructions. He had Emmett charge forward, pretending to be a newborn, and we were taught how to use his strength against him.

"You see what I'm doing here?" Jasper asked when he showed us a particular motion, and waved Carlisle and Rosalie forward to repeat it. "Yes, just like that. Concentrate on the sides. Don't forget where their target will be. Keep moving."

We'd been here for nearly two hours, and I could feel Bella's body droop against me. She was getting tired, my stubborn girl, and I pulled her closer into my arms, holding her up.

"_Almost done for tonight_," Jasper thought with a longing look at Alice.

"We're about finished," I whispered as Bella's head fell against my shoulder. Jasper waved his hand.

"Okay, we're done for now," he said to us before turning towards the wolves, wary again as he faced them.

"We'll be doing this tomorrow. Please feel welcome to observe again."

I once more translated for the Sam Uley. "Yes, we'll be here."

"_Sam - ask if we can sniff them_. _Not that I want to stick my nose that close to them, but it would be helpful_... " Jacob thought.

"_Would it be possible to familiarize ourselves with your individual scents_?" the leader then asked silently. "_We wouldn't want to make any mistakes during the fight_." His voice held a tinge of a sneer, and distaste at the request, but he felt it was necessary. He was already giving orders to his pack not to do anything stupid. Apparently, the big gray, Paul, was especially difficult to control.

"_Oh, and don't move while we do that_... " Sam added as an afterthought.

I sighed, patted Bella's arm and stepped in front of my family. "The pack thinks it would be helpful to be familiar with each of our scents – so they don't make mistakes later. If we could hold very still, it would make it easier for them."

"_Are you kidding me_?" Jasper stiffened.

Esme whimpered. Rosalie snorted, and Emmett grinned. Alice – well, she was Alice. After having met Jacob, Quil and Embry at the party earlier, she was no longer afraid. I wondered though how Bella would react.

Carlisle's reaction was as I expected. "Certainly," he said directly to Sam Uley. "Whatever you need."

With a low grumble, all ten wolves got off the ground, and slowly stepped forward towards us, in a single line, led by the Alpha.

They were a force to be reckoned with, and I was grateful again that they were on our side. I carefully watched Bella's reaction. Dawn was approaching and I knew that she would be able to see them now, as they carefully stepped towards Carlisle to begin committing our scents to their olfactory memories.

Each of them winced slightly as their noses burned, but they fought to remain in control, Sam continuously checking for any straying thoughts.

Jasper was next, then Emmett, as the line of horse-sized beasts filed past them.

A light gray wolf, the only girl, was much smaller than the rest of them, and I could see that it irked her. Her thoughts were full of disgust, snide comments and misery. I caught a few pieces of her back story, and it gave me a new piece of information. The wolves found their mates by a mechanism they called imprinting – a compulsive event at meeting their soulmate. It was utterly fascinating. Apparently, Leah and Sam had been a couple when Sam underwent his first transformation, and then he had met her cousin, Emily, and imprinted on her.

The depth of his feelings for this Emily was nearly as strong as I felt about Bella. Truly enthralling. They had no control whatsoever when it happened, and Leah got left by the wayside. It had turned her into a bitter hag, and when she joined the pack, no one had been pleased.

This imprinting apparently had happened to the boy named Quil, though I was taken aback when I saw the girl in his mind. She was a small child still, only three years old, but oddly enough, though Sam and Emily were in love, Quil's feelings for Claire were not of the romantic kind – he felt like a big brother towards her.

Strange, indeed. I'd have to ask Bella about that later, after she had slept. Maybe she had some more information on that.

A sand-colored wolf, Brady, very young still, whined a bit when Sam's advance left him stranded between Carlisle and Jasper. He was still very afraid of us, but Sam reassured him. He didn't quite trust us yet, but he knew we would not attack them without provocation.

Jacob Black, of course, was all casual nonchalance, when he turned his gaze towards Bella. She had leaned forward a bit when the line of wolves began to move past us, and I watched her carefully from where I stood. Her eyes were wide, her breaths shallow gasps, and her heart was beating rapidly.

Would she now run away screaming? I doubted it. After all, she was brave enough to spend time in a houseful of vampires, again and again.

"_There's my girl_," Jacob thought and let his muzzle fall open, revealing gleaming teeth, and his tongue flopped out to one side.

He was grinning at her.

Bella giggled.

_Damn_!

Irrationally, I was disappointed by her reaction. I would have very much liked her to be disgusted and in fear.

I knew it was stupid to expect that reaction. I stood motionless, rooted to the spot, fighting down the green-eyed monster who again reared its ugly head.

Damn it, she was mine. Mine.

The rotten dog broke from the line and trotted towards her, stopping a few feet in front of where she was standing. I gritted my teeth.

The mongrel crouched down on his front legs so that his face was closer to the ground, staring at her, wondering if she was scared of him, hoping that she wasn't. I saw now that this was only the third time Bella had seen him in his wolf form, as he flipped through those memories.

Another thing she hadn't told me. What else had she kept from me? The vicious hag of jealousy clawed at my frozen heart.

"Jacob?" Bella whispered, and it sounded like awe. A deep rumble broke from his chest; a doggy chuckle.

My fingers started to itch and my toes curled in my shoes; the urge to take her and run with her nearly overwhelming me. I just wanted to get her away from him, away from the temptation and the memories he possessed.

Bella didn't look scared. Her hand reached out, trembling just a little, as if she couldn't quite believe that her friend was hiding under all this fur.

And then she touched him on the side of his face, and the rotten fleabag leaned his head into her small hand, and actually started to purr. Or whatever it was that dogs did when they felt pleasure.

"_Feels so good, Bella_."

Bella leaned closer, running her hands through the fur on his neck. And then the dirty dog licked her face with his nasty tongue.

"_Tastes good, too_."

_The hell_?

_Fuck that! _

A snarl built in my chest cavity, and if it hadn't been for Alice's hand on my arm, restraining me, I would have leaped towards them and knocked him on his back. Jasper took a small step towards me as a precaution, though he felt just as disgusted.

"_Don't antagonize them, Edward. Don't forget we need them_."

"Ew! Gross, Jake," Bella complained, jumping back and trying to hit him. He dodged her hand, and barked a laugh.

"_Did you like that, bloodsucker_?"

How juvenile.

My rage was barely contained, and I was truly disappointed that Bella was so relaxed around him.

I would have appreciated the running and screaming for once.

My family was flummoxed and nearly speechless at this disrespectful display, and the wolves were not happy about it either, muttering silently.

"_Did he just lick her_?" Rosalie raged in her mind. "_Are just going to stand there, Edward? What is wrong with you? Go over there already. Could you be more of an idiot? Didn't we talk about this? Come on, move, damn it_!"

He-who-must-be-neutered barked another laugh.

"_That is enough, Jacob_." Sam's mental command sounded final. The wolves retreated, still watchful of our every move, still rather distrustful of us. I suppressed a sigh. We had made a little progress tonight, but apparently not enough.

Jacob did not move with the pack, instead keeping his spot close to Bella, mentally challenging me to make a move. I was rather tired of his impertinence at that point, and with a sigh, I walked over to her and took her hand.

"Ready to go?" I asked her, searching her face once more. She looked so tired.

"_What's your plan for her_?" I heard him ask.

"I've not quite figured out all the details yet," I answered honestly. Not that it was any of his business anyway. I would make sure Bella was safe. Perhaps Jasper and Alice had some ideas how to accomplish that.

"_What's taking so long, bloodsucker? You _do _want her safe, right? Can't be that hard now, can it_? _Just hide her somewhere._"

He obviously did not get the point. "It's more complicated than that," I explained, "don't concern yourself; I'll make sure it's safe."

"What are you talking about?" Bella demanded hotly.

"Just discussing strategy," I evaded a direct answer.

"_What the hell, leech? Just tell her. Fine, I'll do it myself_." He bolted for the forest to phase, his two wingmen following him into the trees.

"Wait," Bella called out after him, stretching one hand in his direction as if to stop him, and the jealous hag inside me smarted at that.

"Why did he leave?" she asked me, a hurt expression crossing her lovely features.

"He's coming back," I answered with a sigh. Damn him. "He wants to be able to talk for himself."

Bella's eyes stayed on the edge of the forest where the dog had slunk into the woods. I heard him phase, then put on some pants – at least he had enough decency to cover his lower body. Soon, enough he was loping towards us again, but the other two wolves, the same that had come to the party with him, stayed inside the treeline, watching.

"Okay, bloodsucker," he said when he had nearly reached us, "what's so complicated about it?"

I patiently explained my reasoning. "I have to consider every possibility. What if someone gets by you?"

"_As if that could happen_," he snorted. "_But fine, let's consider it_."

"Okay, so leave her on the reservation. We're making Colin and Brady stay behind anyway. She'll be safe there."

Not good enough. The two boys he mentioned did not have more than two weeks under their belt – there was no way I would leave Bella with two immature werewolves who had no fighting experience.

"Are you talking about me?" Bella nearly growled next to me. I was amused by her kitten-tiger outrage, but didn't let her see it.

"I just want to know what he plans to do with your during the fight," Jacob said quickly, with the intention to appease her and make me look bad. I swallowed the surplus venom in my mouth.

"_Do _with me?"

"You can't stay in Forks, Bella," I explained the reason, my voice pacifying because I could see she was about to snap. "They know where to look for you there. What if someone slipped by us?"

Bella blanched and gasped. "Charlie?"

"_I'll take care of her father, leech – nothing to worry yourself about._"

"He'll be with Billy," Jacob said, "if my dad has to commit a murder to get him there, he'll do it. Probably it won't take that much. It's this Saturday, right? There's a game."

I thought his words had been rather crude, but I kept quiet because Bella gasped again.

"This Saturday?" she asked, then frowned at me. "Well, crap! There goes your graduation present."

I laughed. It was so like Bella to worry about something so trivial, even when her safety was at stake. She was exasperating in her reasoning, but I loved her too much to care. "It's the thought that counts," I told her, smiling. "You can give the tickets to someone else."

"Angela and Ben," she said swiftly. "At least that will get them out of town."

Again, her selflessness and concern for the safety of her friends was evident. I gently touched her cheek and smiled again.

"You can't evacuate everyone," I reminded her gently though it pained me to do so. "Hiding you is just a precaution. I told you – we have no problem now. There's won't be enough of them to keep us entertained."

"_Yeah, yeah. Let's get back to what I said earlier, bloodsucker_." The dog was getting impatient.

"But what about keeping her in La Push?"

I tried to give him a diplomatic answer, one that he would understand and one that was also honest. "She's been back and forth too much," I told him and saw the understanding form in his mind. "She's left trails all over the place. Alice only sees very young vampires coming on the hunt, but obviously someone created them. There is someone more experienced behind this. Whoever he," I paused to look at Bella, to give her credit for her theory, "or she is, this _could _all be a distraction. Alice will see if he decides to look himself, but we could be very busy at the time that decision is made. Maybe someone is counting on that. I can't leave her somewhere she's been frequently. She _has_ to be hard to find, just in case. It's a very long shot, but I'm not taking any chances."

Bella's heartbeat had increased again as she listened to my reasoning, and I gently patted her arm to reassure her.

"Just being overcautious," I smiled.

"_Okay, I see your point. But..._, " the dog gestured towards the mountain range to the east of us. "So hide her here," he suggested eagerly. "There's a million possibilities – places either one of us could be in just a few minutes if there's a need."

I had considered that, but she would leave a scent trail, and that was just not advisable. I shook my head. "Her scent is too strong and, combined with mine, especially distinct. Even if I carried her, it would leave a trail. _Our_ trace is all over the range, but in conjunction with Bella's scent, it would catch their attention. We're not sure exactly which path they'll take, because _they _don't know yet. If they crossed her scent before they found us... "

I trailed off then because I saw the sheer horror in his mind. We both grimaced at the image of Bella, broken and lifeless.

"_Well, shit – I didn't think of that_."

_That's because you don't have a century of experience, young one_.

"You see the difficulties," I said matter-of-factly. He nodded once.

"_Yes, damn it_."

"There has to be a way to make it work," he muttered, looking towards the forest and flipping through various scenarios in his head, searching for a solution.

Bella swayed next to me, and I pulled her close to steady her. "I need to get you home – you're exhausted. And Charlie will be waking soon... "

"_What if I carried her... I wonder if that would mask_..." The thought didn't completely form before he wheeled around to face us.

Wait a sec," he said excitedly, "my scent disgusts you, right?"

"Hmm, not bad," I said, thinking about that for a moment. "It's possible. Jasper?"

"_Yes? What do you need? I overheard but I don't understand_."

"_Thanks a lot, Edward. Her future is all dark again, and it's my brother doing that to me_." Alice was not happy with my latest decision, and I couldn't blame her. I wasn't happy about it myself, but for once the wolf made perfect sense. His vomitous stench would likely overpower Bella's delicate scent – not for me, but for anyone else, certainly.

"Okay, Jacob," I nodded towards him and he turned to Bella with his arms held out. He was a little wary that I had called Jasper over, but I would explain that to him in just a moment.

I took a deep breath but Jacob cut in before I could speak the words. "We're going to see if I can confuse the scent enough to hide your trail."

Bella stared at Jacob Black, clearly suspicious of his motives.

"You're going to have to let him carry you, Bella," I encouraged her, pained by having to do so, and I couldn't quite hide the distaste in my voice.

Bella frowned and I could taste her reluctance in the air, but Jacob Black took the decision from her hands as he simply scooped her up without waiting for permission, rolling his eyes in the process.

"Don't be such a baby," he muttered, but glanced at me quickly to gauge my reaction.

My frozen heart screamed in pain at seeing her in his arms, but I couldn't afford to be angry – I needed him to make this work, to keep Bella safe. I hated having to depend on him, hated it with a vengeance.

I looked at Jasper, who had followed this exchange with wariness. "Bella's scent is so much more potent to me – I thought it would be a fairer test if someone else tried."

The dog turned away from us and paced towards the woods, Bella clutched tightly – too tightly – in his arms, and I flinched in pain. Jasper gasped quietly next to me as he absorb my emotions, and Alice put a calming hand on my arm.

"_Shh, I know. Remember why you're doing this_."

I took a deep breath, as I followed the dog with my eyes and my mind. They were not speaking, but in his thoughts I saw that he was trying very hard to suppress his joy at feeling Bella's warm body in his arms.

I hissed under my breath – outraged. Alice tightened her grasp. "_Edward_," she said warningly before she and Jasper followed the scent trail the fleabag had laid.

The mongrel made a wide arc, and broke out of the trees about halfway from where I was standing and headed back towards me.

"You can put me down now," Bella muttered.

"I don't want to take a chance of messing up the experiment," he teased her. "_God, you feel so good. Oops, sorry, bloodsucker_."

My teeth clenched, I forced a smooth expression on my face.

"You are _so_ annoying," Bella said angrily.

"Thanks."

I had about enough of that, and was glad when Jasper and Alice appeared next to me.

If this had worked, I would take her up to a high area, a sheer cliff of solid rock, accessible only from the bottom through the forest. She'd be safe there. I'd give her the second cell phone and tell her to call me if she needed help. It wasn't that far away, only about nine miles, and I could cross that distance in minutes.

With her trail obscured, she wouldn't be found. I wasn't quite sure yet, if I'd be able to leave her there alone, and I would certainly need some supplies for her to take with me. I needed to think a bit more on that.

The mongrel put Bella down about six feet away from us, and she walked straight to me and took my hand. I relaxed at her willing touch.

"Well?" she asked simply.

Jasper grimaced. "As long as you don't touch anything, Bella, I can't _imagine_ someone sticking their nose close enough to that trail to catch your scent. I was almost completely obscured."

"A definite success," Alice added, wrinkling her little button nose. "_Gross_..."

"_Hmm... if that dog carried her, some place safe, I don't think the newborns could find her. And we could lay a false trail to the clearing – we can lure them here and finish them off_."

"And it gave me an idea," Jasper said out loud.

The vision instantly flashed through Alice's mind.

_Brilliant_!

"Which will work," she said with confidence.

"Clever," I agreed with a gleeful smile.

"_What the hell_... " The mongrel did not like what had just transpired and felt left out.

"How do you _stand _that?" he muttered.

I ignored the comment and looked at Bella whose face was a picture of utter confusion.

"We're – well, _you're –_ going to leave a false trail to the clearing, Bella. The newborns are hunting, your scent will excite them, and they'll come exactly the way we want them to without being careful about it. Alice can already see that this will work. When they catch _our_ scent, they'll split up and try to come at us from two sides. Half will go through the forest, where her vision suddenly disappears... "

"Yes," Jacob hissed, knowing exactly what that meant. I actually smiled at him for a moment, feeling for once a true connection to him. We were fighting on the same side, with the same goal – keeping Bella safe.

"_You know, if Bella were here in the clearing_..." Jasper thought, "_they'd be in a total frenzy. That would make it even easier_... "

"Not a chance," I hissed at him, enraged that he would even think of endangering her in that way.

"I know, I know," he said quickly, "I didn't even consider it not, really."

"_Consider what_?" Alice stepped on his toe.

"_Ouch_!"

"If Bella was actually there in the clearing," Jasper reluctantly told her, "it would drive them insane. They wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything but her. It would make picking them off truly easy... "

My ferocious glare stopped him from further elaborating, and he quickly backtracked. "Of course it's too dangerous for her. It was just an errand thought."

"_But a good one, you have to admit that, Edward. I would never risk her life, but we could keep her safe. We could surround her, the wolves and us, and no one would get through_."

"No," I said forcefully, with a murderous glare in his direction. Over my pile of ashes would that ever happen. And now he had likely given Bella an idea I would have to work very hard to persuade her from.

"You're right," Jasper said. "_Sorry I mentioned it_."

_You should be. Damn it_.

He took Alice's hand. "Best two out of three?" he asked her as they went back to the rest of the family who were still practicing.

"Did you really think Edward would agree to that?" Alice asked him, shaking her head. "Have you lost your mind?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that was a little out there. Come on, let's practice some more. Let's see if you can catch me again. I bet you can't... "

Alice giggled.

Jacob stared after them. "_How stupid is that? He would risk her like that? What kind of monster is he? Damn, I'm glad Edward didn't agree to it. Jeez, with those scars – I wonder why Bella isn't scared of him. Freak_."

I felt the need to defend my brother. "Jasper looks at things from a military perspective," I explained gently. "He looks at all the options – it's thoroughness, not callousness."

The mongrel snorted. "_Whatever, leech. I still think it's disgusting he would even think that_."

Unconsciously, the dog had inched closer to Bella, and I glared at him for a moment, before reining in my anger.

"I'll bring her here Friday afternoon to lay the false trail. You can meet us afterward, and carry her to a place I know. Completely out of the way, and easily defensible, not that it will come to that. I'll take another route there."

"And then what?" he sneered. "Leave her with a cellphone?"

Apparently, he wasn't too happy with my plan. "You have a better idea?"

To my chagrin, he did. My dismay was short-lived however, because I realized that this was actually a much better idea. This way Bella would not be alone. And she knew this boy.

Jacob turned to Bella whose eyes were flashing from one of us to the other and back, her expression more and more upset. Somehow, I got the impression she didn't like being left out of the conversation.

The dog thought so, too, and he took the opportunity to present himself as the good guy. I decided to let him.

"We tried to talk Seth into staying behind with the younger two. He's still too young, but he's stubborn and he's resisting. So I thought of a new assignment for him – cell phone."

Bella tried very hard to get us to think that she understood – but failed miserably. I suppressed a chuckle and explained.

"As long as Seth Clearwater is in his wolf form, he'll be connected to the pack," I told her and saw the flash of comprehension light up her eyes. I thought of another issue. Bella would be at least nine miles away from the fight – did their telepathic connection reach that far?

"Distance isn't a problem?" I turned back to Jacob Black.

"Nope." He was grinning on the inside.

"Three hundred miles?" I was astounded. "That's impressive."

"That's the farthest we've ever gone to experiment," he told us, but his eyes were on Bella. "Still clear as a bell."

She nodded absentmindedly, and I could tell that her thoughts had drifted on to something else. Not that I would know – unless she told me.

And I had to quickly come to terms with the fact that Jacob Black, my natural enemy, my rival for Bella's love and affection, my nemesis – trying to steal her away from me, had come up with a plan so ingenious and so effective, it left me reeling.

I didn't want to owe him any more than I already did – but what choice did I have? Bella's life was at stake, and I needed to trust her, and trust her love. She was my mate – she was mine. I needed that to be true because the alternative was simply too terrifying.

"It's a good idea," I said, still reeling a little, "I'll feel better with Seth there, even without the instantaneous connection. I don't know if I'd be able to leave Bella there alone. To think it's come to this, though! Trusting werewolves!"

I tried to make a joke there at the end, but he could hear the disgust in my voice, and it echoed in his own as he commented on the situation himself.

"Fighting with vampires instead of against them!"

"Well," I said, with a crooked grin. "You still get to fight some of them."

"_Hell yeah, bloodsucker, and we'll enjoy it, too_."

He smiled. "That's the reason we're here."

For the very first time in my very long life, ever since we had first met Ephraim Black, I was glad that the Quileutes had this strange gene, this odd mutation, that allowed them to change into horse-size wolves.

Because without them, to quote Emmett, we'd be 'shit up the creek'. I could only agree.

**A/N: **This chapter was a woozy. If you liked it, won't you click on that green button and sent my muse some love? If you didn't like, I would appreciate some constructive criticism.

Thanks for reading. Till next time...


	21. Penitence

**Author's Note: **As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are naturally based on the Twilight Saga.

This 21st chapter is called "Penitence". Bella traps Edward into agreeing to stay with her during the fight. I wrote about her dreams and their subsequent conversation, and then Edward (my muse) decided this would be a good time to have his long overdue talk with Jasper.

In the end, it became mammooth - over 30 pages, nearly 24K words, which explains the unusual length between updates. Sorry about that.

A **HUGE THANK YOU** to all who have read and reviewed the fruits of my labor of love. Please do continue to show me the love.

Please remember that this story is rated M for a reason. If you have sensitive eyes that don't deal well with the occasional cuss word or a little bit of lemonade, this story is not for you.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The fabulous Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

"_Give me all of your dreams, and let me go along on your way."_

_Meatloaf – Heaven can wait_

**21. Penitence**

Daybreak.

I was carrying Bella in my arms as I ran with her through the forest under the pale light of the breaking dawn, feeling certain that she was too exhausted to keep her grip around me for our usual running style.

We had said a quick good-bye to my family and Jacob Black. After our conversation about my plans for Bella during the newborn fight, he had shifted back to wolf and left with his two friends, though not before promising to be back the next night for another round of practice.

My tentative feeling of comradeship hadn't lasted very long when his thoughts turned to longing, and he remembered the feel of Bella's body in his arms while had carried her earlier. The image shifted, and he relived the moment he had forced his mouth on her lips. My jealousy had raged, and it had taken quite a bit of control to keep my possessive growls from erupting. But I had managed. Barely.

For Bella.

Everything I did these days, every thought I had – it was all for Bella. I could deny her nothing, and I knew it. I was just glad that she did not have that insight, or I'd be in serious trouble. Though lately, I had seen glimpses that seemed to point towards a subconscious knowledge – it was like she knew my pressure points, for lack of a better word. When she had threatened me with calling her furry friend, were I to leave her at home for the practice – that had been one of the indications that perhaps she was on the verge of realizing just what kind of power she had over me.

_God help me_.

While I had initially felt thoroughly sucker-punched by her threat, I had seen the flash of self-disgust on her face when she'd said it. She had known full well what mentioning the stinking dog would do to me, and she had felt guilty for bringing him up. She was usually so selfless, so hellbent on putting everyone else's needs first, so averse to hurting the people she loved, that I was quite astounded at her, for having played me the way she did.

On the other hand, after I had gotten over my initial reaction of fury and hurt, it had also been somewhat refreshing to see her put herself first, no matter the method. I found that I actually rather liked this ruthless part of her, as it matched my own. She should give more priority to her own needs, voicing them to me, and I would gladly meet them. I wondered if she would provide more opportunities such as this one. Perhaps there was a way to encourage that. It would certainly be easier for me to give her what she needed, what she asked for, than having to guess at it and then failing because I couldn't read her as well as I thought.

Bella was fast asleep even before we reached her house, as I had expected. I jumped up to her open window, and carefully climbed into her room, mindful not to bump her body against the frame. As I stood in her room, I was facing a small dilemma – did I want to wake her up to change into her night clothes, should I attempt to remove the jeans and shirt myself, and be faced with her undergarments and exposed to more bare, creamy, soft skin than I could possibly handle or ever deserve to see, or should I let her sleep in what she was already wearing?

I quickly decided that waking her was out of the equation – she was so deeply asleep, it felt like blasphemy to disturb this glorious angel in her slumber. That left option two and three. The gentleman in me argued that it would be an utter outrage to remove the clothing of a lady without her permission, while my more sensible side pointed out that she would likely be rather uncomfortable in the fairly tight jeans and too warm flannel shirt.

The carnal monster licked its lips, sensing possible debauchery while agreeing with my sensible side, and performed a test-rattle on his cage. The reinforced steel bars held which made him none too happy.

_Too damn bad_. _Go back to your corner, pervert._

In the end, I settled for a happy medium. I took off her shoes and socks, ignored the jeans completely, and very, _very_ carefully opened two shirt buttons, averting my eyes from what lay beneath, and sniffed carefully.

_Ah, cotton_.

Fortunately for me, she was wearing a simple v-necked t-shirt underneath, so her skin was no more exposed than usual. Except for possibly her elegant throat, which was beautifully elongated by the cutout on the shirt, but I was long past that particular temptation. Though the fire flared when I inhaled her scent, saw her blood pulsing underneath the translucent skin, bloodlust was no longer a concern. No matter how thirsty I was, her precious blood would never tempt me again.

The intensity of the burning thirst in my throat, the fire that raked through me whenever her scent filled my nostrils, had been transcended by a very different kind of lust of unparalleled intensity – that of a man for the woman he loves with his whole heart. Something I had never felt before, not until the moment I met Bella. It filled me completely, it was burned into every cell of my body, and it was barely containable. Each moment I spend with her, I had to remind myself that her human fragility, comparable to silk stretched over a soap bubble, was requiring the most concentrated effort whenever I touched her, so as not to break her. Never would I be able to lose control – not whilst she was human. Once she was changed, however – I grimaced at the thought. For purely selfish reasons, for wanting her so badly, I could hardly wait to make her mine forever, in every sense of the word; I was unable to rein in my anticipation for that day to come.

If only I could be sure it wouldn't cost her what it had cost me; if only I was as convinced as Carlisle that we did not lose our souls in the fiery pain of the transformation. Either way, it was too late for me – monstrous murderers such as I were not welcome in heaven, no matter how I conducted myself for the rest of my existence. But to risk hers, her beautiful, kind, innocent soul – it would be the most selfish thing I'd ever do. With Bella, I had gotten a taste of paradise, and it had made me a glutton for more. If I could be with her until the end of time, I would not need heaven. And even if that wish should be granted, it would not be enough time spent in her presence.

_Selfish, always so selfish_.

With a sigh, I gently ran a cold fingertip along the edges of the shirt, and watched the goosebumps appear in its wake, the texture of her skin tingling under the pad of my finger. It did look so very enticing, the soft skin so luminescent, and for a moment, I thought about licking her exposed skin, tasting her, from the point of the 'V' at her breastbone to the hollow of her throat. I instantly chastised myself for having such disgraceful and disrespectful thoughts, and fought the sudden desire back into its confines.

Grateful that I would not be compromising her virtue, I slowly peeled the flannel shirt off of her before putting her underneath the covers and settling next to her. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled her into my arms, burying my nose in her hair, ignoring the flames in the back of my throat, and the venom that threatened to flood my mouth. Her luscious fragrance engulfed me. I inhaled a deep, unnecessary, and simultaneously vital, breath.

"I love you, Bella, so much. Good night, my sweet girl."

Bella slept through it all. I hoped she wouldn't question my motives in the morning. Or afternoon, as I didn't think she'd be waking any time soon.

The practice session had gone fairly well – the wolves had been relatively collected and learned a thing or two from Jasper's demonstrations. They had also begun to trust us a little more – at least up to the point where they were no longer hovering on the verge of an immediate attack. Especially Esme – some of them had looked at her fighting against Jasper, and felt protective of her. It had been quite an experience for all of the wolves. Perhaps, after the newborn fight, we would have an opportunity to form a stronger alliance, and, though it seemed utterly fantastical, perhaps Carlisle would be able to renegotiate the treaty; gain their permission to change Bella.

_Change Bella_? _What are you saying_? _Do you want her to change_?

_No, of course not_!

_Well... maybe_.

_Okay, fine. Yes, I do_.

I shook my head. I was losing my mind. Arguing with myself got me nowhere.

_Focus! Treaty. Carlisle_.

No, I didn't think it possible. Their whole existence was rooted in protecting human life, and Bella's change, though her choice, would seem to them as if she were going to die. They would never allow it. As Bella had relayed herself, the dog had even told her so – that he'd rather she be dead than change into one of us. The flea-ridden mongrel had obviously forgotten that it had been his interference which had necessitated the one thing I hadn't wanted for her – if he'd just handed the phone to Bella, as would have been appropriate considering he'd been in _her_ house, when I called from Rio to confirm Rosalie's bombshell, I wouldn't have run off to Italy like an utter fool in my misguided attempt to end my own existence, and the Volturi wouldn't know about Bella's knowledge of us, and therefore she wouldn't feel so pressured into going through with the transformation.

_Hmm. Not a bad thought – perhaps I can use that against him next time he tries to obnoxiously lay __claim to her_.

I shook my head again. Even I didn't buy my convoluted reasoning. The blame for that debacle had to be laid at my doorstep, plain and simple – if I hadn't so foolishly left Bella in the first place, if I hadn't been so ridiculously arrogant, none of this would have happened. Still – for a moment, it felt quite good to lay part of the blame at his rather large, furry feet.

At the same time, I felt guilty for thinking that way. Though I continued to be apprehensive about leaving Bella with one of their still unexperienced pack mates, Jacob Black had after all come up with an acceptable plan to keep Bella safe, which had been quite a surprise considering his more recent, imbecile behavior, and I should feel grateful, not jealous. I simply couldn't help myself – I hated his role in this whole scenario, hated his friendship with Bella, hated his place in her life. I could let him fight for us, with us even, but the role of her protector and caretaker should be mine, and mine alone.

My mind drifted off, cursing against the vicious hag of fate that continued to throw obstacles into our path. My burning thirst I had conquered, pushed it into the darkest, deepest pits of my being, never to be let out again, but that had only been the first obstacle. Then came the sadistic James, and his little hunting game, which had almost resulted in her death. Next Jasper lost control at a single drop of blood. I wondered for a second if my own flaring thirst at seeing and smelling that small drop had hit him and exacerbated his reaction to it, but it was fleeting, something I would need to consider at another time. Perhaps that might also explain why his control was so much better around her lately. I filed the thought away in one of the deep recesses of my mind, to be revisited at at a later time.

Either way, even after we had left, Bella had still been in grave peril, first from Laurent, who met his own deserved demise at the teeth of the wolves, and then Victoria. Two of the wicked trio were dead and would never haunt us again, and with a little luck, I'd be taking care of the last of their evil triumvirate very soon.

I longed for peace, for quiet, for a time of tranquility where Bella and I would not have to face any more dangers or lame-brained puppies, intent on tearing us apart, and instead could be allowed to just revel in our love, experience new things together and become closer than we'd ever been. What other obstacles did we have to overcome before we could reach our happily-ever-after? Was that even a possibility? Would there be yet another roadblock in the future, trying to derail us and our love for each other?

I had no answers.

I took a deep breath to clear my mind. There were more important things to take care of, to plan for.

I needed to come up with a strategy to get Bella to my house for the weekend, first for the night to Friday, and then to lay the false trail to the clearing and hide her Friday night. We knew the approximate time frame for the arrival of the newborns, but that could still change quickly, and I wanted to take Bella to the hiding spot the night before. My family would go hunting Thursday night and would not return until we were ready to lay the trap. That meant that there was an opportunity for me to spend some time, a whole night, and half a day, alone with Bella in my house. Just her and me. Alone.

I needed some time with her, even if it would be just for a few hours. Everything had been so stressful lately, and we never had time to ourselves, to talk, to hold each other, to just be. I felt ashamed to admit even only to myself how much I needed her, needed to touch her, kiss her, hold her in my arms, though I had to keep my more deviant desires under control. Even my misbehaving manhood would not be allowed to gain the upper hand, though lately it seemed it had developed a mind of its own.

It didn't matter. The lustful monster had been tightly locked up, the boundaries were firmly in place.

I decided that I would ask Alice for help with the arrangements for Bella to spend the nights. If anyone could convince Charlie to give his permission, it would be Alice. He was putty in her hands, as she had put it quite succinctly, ever since she had taken care of Bella while my love had been in a cast after the incident in Phoenix.

Shortly thereafter, Charlie's breathing became shallower and I knew he was waking up. After he used the facilities, his thoughts shifted to Bella, and I had plenty of time to hide in the closet while he peeked into her room. Once he saw her sleeping in the bed, he chuckled at her prone form, muttered a sentence about partying too hard, and closed the door again. A fraction of a second later, I was back in bed with Bella, and heard him amble down the stairs for his morning coffee.

_Just a few more weeks. Summer will be over soon_.

At least, that was what I told myself. After the summer, we'd be in Dartmouth. Together. No more dropping her off with her distrusting father. Finally, we'd be on our own, going to college, living together in the same house, sharing a bedroom, sharing our lives.

To say I was looking forward to that time would have been an understatement.

The sleeptalking began soon after Charlie left for work. "Edward... love you... need... Edward... "

I chuckled – she had no filter when she spoke in her sleep, didn't edit her words. It was the closest I could come to reading her mind. And my name passed through her luscious lips often, and each time, it warmed my frozen heart.

She was silent again. I pulled out my cell phone to call Alice.

"Alice," I said when she picked up. "Have you all made it home yet?"

"Carlisle and Esme went ahead, but we're still out here. Emmett and Jasper are still going at it – you know how Emmett is... he isn't quite over being shown up so he's been trying to adjust his style... it's not going too well, but I guess he's getting there. Jasper has already outmaneuvered him again about a hundred times... "

She giggled as I laughed.

"Rosalie is snarling at Emmett from the sidelines. She wants to go home and shower, get the stench out, she said. I think she's overreacting just a bit. I mean, those dogs do stink a lot, but it's not too bad now that they've left. She's just fed up with Emmett, I think and it's making her... Oops, I think she heard that. Sorry, Rose!" Alice called out to our sister, and giggled again. I could hear Rosalie's hiss of outrage through the phone.

I laughed again. "Don't make her mad. Listen, Alice – I was wondering if you could do something for me. I'd like Bella to..."

"Yes, yes... spend a long weekend, have a sleepover," the little pixie interrupted me. "I saw when you decided. I'll arrange for it as soon as possible. Charlie won't be a problem. Will you tell Bella your plan beforehand?"

"I was actually hoping to wait until you've gotten permission from Charlie before I tell her about it."

"Your funeral pyre," Alice quipped.

"What do you mean?" I demanded hotly.

"Well, I'm sure you remember last time you made that decision for her and kidnapped her, don't you?"

"Yes, I remember," I growled into the phone, "but unlike last time, I now have Bella's explicit permission to kidnap her any time I want to. She said so herself."

_So there, you annoying little psychic. Didn't know that, did you?_

I felt rather smug when Alice was silent for a few of Bella's heartbeats.

"Oh, well, in that case," she said when she found her voice again, "I guess there's no problem."

"I don't believe there will be," I retorted, making my voice more confident than I actually felt. "I think she'll be rather pleased when she finds out. Just make sure Charlie believes I'll be gone the whole weekend. I don't think he'd allow it otherwise."

"Gee, Edward – I figured that out all by myself." With that, she hung up.

I sighed and put the phone away. I often wondered how someone so diminutive could possibly be to enormously aggravating.

"No... wait... wait... Jasper... too fast." Bella was moving next to me, restless, her hand gripping my shirt, and the heat of her skin on my stone chest was electrifying.

I was a little puzzled, though, at first. What was Jasper doing in her dream, I wondered. The mumbled words didn't make a lot of sense, but then I thought back to her disastrous eighteenth birthday. In that context – could she be dreaming of that day? Before the guilt could overwhelm me, she spoke again.

"Trees... can't see... too many... where... Edward... " Her hand clenched on my shirt, and she moved her head back and forth where it lay in the crook of my arm. The dream seemed to frighten her. Bella's heartbeat was racing and her breathing had become faster.

Now the guilt really did overwhelm me. She was dreaming of that horrid afternoon, when I had so foolishly left her. My heart constricted with the anguish of having caused her so much pain, with my terrible lies, my callous disregard of her feelings, making a unilateral decision for the both of us. No matter how my frozen heart had shattered at leaving her, no matter how I had grieved and wailed at this bitter fate during my time without her, the wounds I had inflicted upon her were much, much worse. I would never be able to make it up to her, but I would spend the rest of my existence trying.

"Bella, I'm here, I'm here, my love. I'll never leave again," I desperately whispered to soothe her.

"Nooo... must help... be there... clearing... damn trees... too dark... "

Oh. Perhaps she wasn't dreaming what I thought she was dreaming. This latest snippet didn't match at all with my assumption. I felt a little bit better, though the guilt didn't completely evaporate. I did not think it ever would.

It seemed that Jasper's inappropriate suggestion had taken root in her subconscious, like I had feared it would.

_Damn him for bringing that up_.

I briefly wondered when Alice would call me with reports of a vision of Bella running towards the clearing. Surely, she would see as soon as Bella made a conscious decision.

"Third wife... help... Edward... monsters... "

I had no idea what that was supposed to mean. A third wife? Whose wife? This was utterly bizarre.

"Edward." Her eyes snapped open, searching, her hand tugging on my shirt.

"Sweetheart, what is it? I'm right here."

"'kay," she mumbled and the pale, lavender lids closed over her chocolate orbs again, long, dark lashes fluttering against her cheeks. So beautiful. So extraordinarily beautiful.

I pulled her closer against me as her breathing became deep again. She was silent for a while, but after about an hour, the dreams seemingly continued.

Abruptly, she was thrashing against me. "Nooo... ," she nearly yelled. "Wait... Edward... need to find Edward... stop... "

I tried to soothe her by rubbing her arm. "Shh, Bella, my love, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here."

It didn't help. Her hand gripped my shirt so hard, I heard the seams groan under the strength of her tug.

"Jasper, wait... I want to go... find Edward... so dark... trees... "

The picture became clearer – this appeared to be the same, or at least a similar dream as the one she'd had earlier. I sighed and kept talking to her, reassuring her that all was well, gently rubbing her arm with my hand. The dreams continued in much the same fashion. Occasionally, her eyes would snap open, she'd look at me as if in a panic, and then fall back asleep. The talking continued in much the same fashion.

Bella had been asleep for nearly ten hours, and for most of that time, was restlessly moving in my arms. An hour and fourteen minutes before she woke, her small form finally relaxed a little and her dreams seemed to change into something more pleasant.

Much more pleasant.

"Mmm, Edward... " she moaned with her head pressed against my side. The vibration of the moan sent electric sparks directly to my groin, and my manhood twitched as if shocked to life. I braced myself for the onslaught of my raging lust for her. Bella's leg darted out from under the cover and wedged in between my own, as she pulled herself ever closer.

"Yes... Edward... hmm... kiss me... "

I smiled and bent my head down to kiss her nose.

"Is it a nice dream now, Bella?" I whispered before I realized it, and as she had sometimes before, Bella answered me in her sleep.

"Mmm, yes... more... need more... Edward... want you..."

_Sweet heaven_.

I could taste the sudden, musky scent of her arousal in the air, and I breathed it in greedily, as my pants became tight, and I had to fight my growing erection. The beast rattled his chains, but I would not give in.

_You can't make me_.

"Oh, sweetheart, how I wish I could give you what you're asking for... how I wish I could touch you and make love to you with abandon." I was whispering before I noticed what I was doing, but then I didn't have it in me to stop. I lusted for her, and she was deeply asleep, dreaming of me, and this was one way it would be safe, as long as I could keep my depraved urges under control, and my hands to myself. My left hand, without direction from my brain, adjusted my painfully throbbing member in the confines of my pants.

Bella ground her heated center into my leg, rubbing against me, creating friction which ignited a fire I was barely able to withstand. A long, soft moan escaped her lips.

"Edward..."

_Holy shit_.

I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to fantasize about touching her, kissing her, tasting her in places that were forbidden to me until she became my wife. The images quickly became too much. The intensity of my feelings were starting to overwhelm me, tearing and pulling on my tenuous grip on what I knew was the right thing to do. I desperately tried to hang on to my last shreds of self-control, before I did something incredibly stupid.

"Dream of something else, please. That, or wake up... " I mumbled, wishing I could give her what she wanted, wishing I could make love to her while she was still human. After we were wed, of course. I'd marry her tomorrow if that's what she wanted. I was weak, greedy and nearly out of my mind with need for her.

Bella rubbed herself against my leg, and my raging desire for her, fed by the heat and dampness I could feel emanating from her womanly center, became utterly unbearable. Hearing her breathless moan of pleasure made me nearly lose my mind. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that Bella's subconscious wanted exactly what the perverted deviant inside me desired.

_Oh, holy mother of God_... _move, Edward, move_...

I quickly extricated myself from her and sat in her rocking chair, to metaphorically catch my breath, and didn't notice for a moment that I was stroking myself through my pants.

_I wish this was her hot little hand_.

_Stop that, you despicable pervert._

The wooden armrests creaked and protested under my fingers as I grabbed them hastily, and I had to ease up on my grip before pulverizing the wood. Bella made a mewling noise in her sleep when she subconsciously realized I'd left the bed, but the dream carried on, and it took every ounce of restraint I had not to join her again in that soft haven, surround and sheath myself within her, and make her dream the reality.

A reality I wanted to dream about, but even if I could, a dream it would remain. For her and for me. I had nearly crashed and burned more times than I cared to count, and I dared not add another by giving in to the desires that she had set loose.

_Not until she's changed_. _After she marries me_.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I could not quite decide which, Bella's breathing became shallower after a final gasp of her pleasure, the kind that I had to deny her again and again, and I knew she was getting close to waking up.

Another thirty-two long minutes passed until she finally woke.

Bella's eyelids fluttered, long, dark lashes brushed against her cheeks once more, and she yawned daintily. Stretching her nimble limbs, pale, bare arms over her head, her gorgeous, slim legs outlined under the covers, toes curling, her back arching up, exposing the soft swell of her breasts where the covers had slipped down – a view so sensual and erotic, it made my breath hitch in my throat – her hands began to search for the cold body she expected next to her.

"Edward?" My name tumbled from her lips. I was out of the chair and next to her instantly, lacing my fingers with hers.

"Are you really awake this time?" I whispered.

"Mmm," she sighed, and her hot breath washed over me. "Have there been a lot of false alarms?"

"You've been very restless," I answered honestly, "talking all day."

"All _day_?" Bella blinked in disbelief and her gaze turned towards the window, and the cloud-covered skies.

"You had a long night," I reminded her, suppressing a quiet chuckle. "You'd earned a day in bed."

She sat up too quickly, and swayed for a moment. My hand went to her lower back, trying to steady her.

"Wow," she exclaimed. I heard a small gurgle from her stomach.

"Hungry?" I asked her with a smile. "Would you like breakfast in bed?" My mind flashed rapidly through the contents of the refrigerator and cupboards in the kitchen below. Due to my egregious lack of cooking ability, all I would be able to offer her was cold cereal with milk, or an equally cold, cardboard-looking Pop-tart. Neither was a healthy choice, or so I had been led to believe.

I promised myself that when this whole newborn situation was over, and the threat on her life removed, I would immerse myself in some more of the cooking shows on the Food Network channel, Emmett and his affinity for sports shows be damned.

Bella was human, and as her boyfriend and future husband, if she would but agree to marry me, I should know how to take care of all her human needs – shouldn't I? I chastised myself for not having done so sooner. Again, I was failing her by not meeting my responsibility as her caretaker.

Bella was unaware of my internal musings, and groaned, "I'll get it."

She stretched again, and I was fascinated by the way she innocently arched her back, which in turn put the gentle swell of her mounds into my immediate focus. Again. I inhaled sharply, but she thankfully didn't notice.

"I need to get up and move around," she said when she was done stretching, and I could breathe normally again.

I gently moved the covers back, and she slowly climbed out of bed, grabbing the proffered flannel shirt from my hand. She did not question her current state of dishabille, nor did she ask who had removed her shoes and socks. Or the shirt. I knew not whether she assumed she had done so herself, or if she didn't want to ask for fear of embarrassing herself, or me.

I held her hand tightly in mine, as we walked down the stairs together, watching her intently, wondering if she would tell me about her dreams – at least the one in which she seemed to be chasing Jasper, running through the forest. I was a little concerned that Alice hadn't called yet to warn me, but in a way, I was glad for it. It likely meant that Bella had not yet decided on a course of action, and was only subconsciously disagreeing with my plans to keep her away from the fight.

I silently ranted against Jasper once more, whose brilliant military mind had planted this seed in her brain. If only he had kept his idea to himself, this errant thought, as he had derided it, after my murderous glare caught his eye, and my sudden fury brushed against him.

Down in the kitchen, Bella opened a package of those nasty-looking Pop-tarts, and stuck them in the toaster. She must have glimpsed herself in the shiny chrome of the appliance because she suddenly exclaimed, "Ugh, I'm a mess."

She had never looked more beautiful.

"It was a long night," I reminded her gently yet again, unable to keep the chastisement out of my voice. "You should have stayed here and slept."

And not seen the wolves, and not fraternized with that rotten mongrel, and not have his disgusting tongue lick your face, and not hear Jasper's stupid suggestion. Alas, she went, because I could deny her nothing, not even when it was clearly to her detriment.

"Right! And missed _everything_," Bella retorted. "You know, you need to start accepting the fact that I'm part of the family now."

A smile broke out on my face at her words, and I wondered if she was getting closer to finally accepting my proposal, botched as it had been. "I could probably get used to that idea," I told her, knowing that it would be the culmination of my heart's desire to have her carry the family name Carlisle had bestowed upon me so long ago. I was proud to be a Cullen, and would be prouder still when Bella's last name finally matched mine.

When her breakfast was ready, she sat down at the table, and I used the chair across from her. As she lifted the now hot cardboard to her lips, I registered the silver bracelet dangling from her wrist, a tiny, carved wolf its lone adornment. Anger flared at the visual reminder of the mutt's place in her life, jealousy sparked a new fire, that slowly burned to infernal proportions. With much effort, I doused the flames, by putting the truth of my epiphany firmly at the forefront of my mind.

"May I?" I asked her permission while slowly reaching for the charm the stinking animal had carved for her.

Bella swallowed the food in her mouth before answering. "Um, sure."

I saw fleeting expressions on her face as I balanced the wooden charm in my palm. Her heart skipped a beat, and it coincided with a flash of fear on her features, and a fraction of a second later, her breathing restarted. I wondered what she was afraid of. Did she think I would destroy this symbol of their friendship? The thought alone brought back the fire, and I was appalled that she would think me so callous.

Guilty embarrassment crossed her features shortly thereafter, and it seemed that while I had guessed right at her thoughts, she was also aware that I had noticed. I kept my face smooth, and did not allow my eyes to show anything but love for her, thinking of Alice's words, encouraging me to tell Bella how I felt.

Perhaps I should use this opportunity to obtain an answer to one of my more pressing question – why was I not allowed to buy her anything, why were presents from me forbidden. It had long irked me that everyone was able to give her whatever they wanted – except for me. I had not forgotten the conniption fit she had thrown on her eighteenth birthday, and even before, adamant about not receiving any gifts. She didn't even want it mentioned that it was her birthday that day, and I had grudgingly given in, my sole gift to her a CD of my compositions, starting with her lullaby.

I started gently with a simple statement of fact. "Jacob Black can give you presents."

She looked at me, searching my eyes, and I struggled to keep my expression smooth. The bracelet itself actually presented me with an opportunity to give her one of the few things I had inherited from my human parents, something I'd been wanting to gift her with for a long time. I'd been hesitant, because it would have required a necklace, which she would likely refuse, I knew that, but the diamond heart could just as easily be put on that bracelet. Now all I had to do was persuade her to wear it. Perhaps I could guilt her into accepting it. Unwittingly, she played right into my hands with her answer to my question.

"You've given me presents," she said with a small shrug of her shoulders, as if that were justification enough. "You know I like the homemade kind."

As long as it didn't cost any money, was the insinuation. I wondered if she realized that the bracelet wasn't homemade, and that Jacob had purchased it for her, cheap though as it was. Either way – it was now or never, as I pursed my lips to pretend I was thinking about my next move. "How about hand-me-downs? Are those acceptable?"

"What do you mean?"

"This bracelet," I said, tracing the silver links with my fingers, twitching towards the wooden symbol he had bestowed upon her, wanting to crush it, knowing I couldn't. "You'll be wearing this a lot?" I finished my question.

Bella shrugged dismissively but I was not fooled.

"Because you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings," I said suggestively.

"Sure, I guess so," she agreed half-heartedly, and I could almost taste victory on my tongue.

"Don't you think it's fair, then," I asked her, turning her hand to face up, and slowly ran a finger along the blue veins in her wrist, feeling her thumping pulse under the pad of my finger, "if I have a little representation?"

"Representation?" she repeated with a questioning look.

"A charm – something to keep _me_ on your mind," I said, keeping my voice even.

"You're in every thought I have," Bella assured me quickly. "I don't need reminders."

I wondered if it had escaped her notice that she had yet to answer the actual question. Perhaps I needed to be clearer. "If I gave you something, would you wear it?"

I felt utterly ridiculous at having to ask – I had wanted to shower her with gifts, but she wouldn't hear of it. I thought back to the cell phone and how she had taken that simple gesture and thrown it in my face.

"A hand-me-down?" Bella asked for clarification. The look on her face gave her away. I smiled widely.

"Yes, something I've had for a while."

"Whatever makes you happy," Bella said with a small shrug but I saw the flash of contrition, then relief on her face.

I simply didn't understand the processes of her silent mind. While I certainly hadn't expected a more enthusiastic answer, her response to the dog's gift had been much more heartfelt. Suddenly, I was tired of the games. I just wanted some answers.

"Have you noticed the inequality?" I asked her, unable to keep the pain at this injustice out of my voice. "Because I certainly have."

"What inequality?"

Did she truly not know? My eyes narrowed as the bitter jealousy bubbled out of me. "Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present, but I didn't. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That's utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?"

Her expression was calm, despite my outburst, and it puzzled me. What explanation would she give me? What were the workings of her silent mind that could possibly make sense of this grievous disparity?

"Easy," she shrugged dismissively. "You're more important than everyone else. And you've given me _you_. That's already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance."

What? That was utterly absurd. She had it completely backwards. It was I, the atrocious monster, who did not deserve her, an angel so pure and kind and gentle – not the other way around. She did get one thing right, though – I was hers, completely, eternally. But she deserved so much better. I rolled my eyes at her.

"The way you regard me is ludicrous."

Bella kept chewing on her Pop-tart and watched me, a serene look on her face. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I checked the screen and wondered if this was the call I had been anticipating ever since Bella's dreams, as I flipped it open.

"What is it, Alice?"

"You can start by asking Bella what the hell she's thinking, planning to put herself in danger," Alice snapped immediately. "You won't like hearing this, Edward. Bella has no intention of staying put where you are planning to hide her. I saw her stumbling through the forest, looking for you. I told her last night that I would warn you if her plans became any more defined."

Bella's heartbeat sped up and she averted her eyes. A flash of guilt crossed her lovely features, and I sighed. Yes, this was the call I'd been expecting. Alice kept talking.

"And by the way, don't blame Jasper for this. She had this ridiculous idea long before he made his ill-advised suggestion last night. I've been getting glimpses of something like this for a week, but it is much clearer now. You can't allow her to do this." I sighed again. Bella wouldn't look at me, and she was suddenly nervously twitching in her chair.

"You need to tell her, Edward. I still have not seen who's behind this, and if that person makes a snap decision to go searching for her, even if her trail is obscured by the mutt, we may not have enough time to get to her. You know I won't be able to see her since you'll be leaving her with one of those dogs. "

This prompted another sigh. While I'd be connected to Seth via the doggy telepathy, Alice would not be able to see ahead. But Seth was strong, though inexperienced. I'd thought about that last night, and I wasn't quite as happy with the plan as I perhaps should have been.

"I guessed as much," I told Alice when she took a breath. "She was talking in her sleep." Bella's eyes had snapped up at me, when I said that, and I looked at her firmly, my brow cocked. She flushed crimson. My little sister was not quite finished.

"There is some good news – their number is down to nineteen. Seems like one of them got into a fight with another, and... well, you can imagine how that ended. But back to Bella. As I said – if she goes through with her little plan, she won't make it to the clearing, and simply get lost in the forest. You must dissuade her, you hear me?"

"I'll take care of it," I promised her, shutting the phone and glaring at the glorious creature in front of me. The one who'd risk her own life out of selflessness. I was in awe of her foolish bravery, and asked myself again how I could ever deserve this glorious woman.

No matter – it was not going to happen. I would not let it happen.

"Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?" I asked her pointedly. Bella dropped her eyes to my chin, and pursed her lips. She seemed to be deliberating what to say. I waited, impatiently tapping my foot.

"I like Jasper's idea," she said defiantly.

I groaned. Of course, she did. Absolutely no sense of self-preservation.

"I want to help. I have to do _something_," she contended hotly.

"It wouldn't help to have you in danger," I bit back, trying to keep my voice as even as I could manage in light of her stubbornness. She did not falter; instead she threw another argument at me.

"Jasper thinks it would. This is _his_ area of expertise." Her face was serene again, she calmly gazed at me, while I glowered back at her, silently cursing my brother's asinine thought, and the resulting obstinacy I was now fighting against.

Before I had a chance to reply, Bella's facial expression changed. She narrowed her eyes and her brows furrowed as she spat out a threat.

Again.

"You can't keep me away. I'm not going to hide out in the forest while you all take risks for me."

Alice's vision danced in front of my eyes – Bella lost in the wilderness, staring wildly into the shadows of the trees, not knowing which direction to take, searching blindly for the clearing. I fought back a smile, when it dawned on me that Bella's stubborn disregard for her own safety was born out of guilt and fear for us. The urge to smile vanished as I shared my sister's prediction with her, my voice cool and even, willing her mentally to see reason.

"Alice doesn't see you in the clearing, Bella. She sees you stumbling around lost in the woods. You won't be able to find us; you'll just make it more time consuming for me to find you afterward."

I could see how she struggled to erase the obstinacy from her expression and compose her face. Her voice was polite, a slight smile playing around those kissable lips, as she pointed out the inherent flaw of my argument, one that I didn't see until she brought it up.

"That's because Alice didn't factor in Seth Clearwater. If she had, of course, she wouldn't have been able to see anything at all. But it sounds like Seth wants to be there as much as I do. It shouldn't be too hard to persuade him to show me the way."

Anger bubbled inside me. She was testing my patience now, and my temper flared. I took a deep breath to collect myself. Shouting at her served no purpose, and would only make her angry in turn. Or send her running from the room, neither of which I considered the desired outcome of this discussion.

"That might have worked," I said, acknowledging the brilliance of her thought processes, and her near triumph at outmaneuvering me. "If you hadn't told me. Now I'll just ask Sam to give Seth certain orders. Much as he might want to, Seth won't be able to ignore that kind of injunction."

As the Alpha wolf, Sam's voice took on a different timbre when he gave a specific command, one that I had clearly heard last night. Though Paul had been itching for a fight, the alpha command had not allowed him to move. The wolves usually followed Sam's lead naturally, but if one decided to go against the grain, the alpha voice gave them no option but to obey. Bella's face fell momentarily at hearing my counterpoint. She seemingly did not know about that – the mutt apparently had not told her about that aspect of the pack dynamics.

Or had he, and she just hadn't considered it yet? Her next words made me question just what pack secrets the rotten dog had let her in on. If she knew more than she'd let on, I would be rapidly losing ground, and likely end up having to shackle her to the rock surface of her hiding place. She was smiling sweetly at me, and tried in vain to hide the emotions I could clearly see flickering in her expressive eyes, as she threw another challenge at me.

"But why would Sam give those orders? If I tell him how it would help for me to be there? I'll bet Sam would rather do me a favor than you."

Anger surged and composure fled from the advancing fire. I struggled to quench the flames, inhaling deeply, letting her fragrance calm my fury.

_The only thing that matters is keeping Bella safe_.

This definitive truth helped me regain my composure. I decided to test how much knowledge she truly had, and if the mongrel had told her that he, despite his youth, was only one step below the alpha position in the pack. I knew that I could count on him to give that particular order to Seth, even if, and that was a big if, as I was fairly certain that Sam would be more concerned about Bella's safety than she imagined, he refused to give that command. Jacob Black would not want Bella in danger, of that I was certain – he had clearly been enraged with Jasper's remark last night.

"Maybe you're right," I said evenly and delivered what I hoped to be the final blow to this discussion, effectively ending her ill-advised quest. "But I'm sure Jacob would be only too eager to give those same orders."

Bella's face scrunched up in a frown. "Jacob?"

She didn't know. I was elated at having won this argument, and smiled beatifically. "Jacob is his second in command. Did he never tell you that? His orders have to be followed, too."

Worry lines appeared on Bella's forehead, and she seemed stumped. I used this momentary advantage and distracted her by telling her about the pack dynamics, my voice smooth and soothing. I'd had time to sort through all the thoughts my mind had picked up last night, while I had watched Bella sleep in my arms. Everything I'd absorbed with the part of my brain I had dedicated to the task was stored in the deep crevices of my vampire mind, and I had flipped through the various trains of thought repeatedly, trying to get a better understanding of all of them. It had been more entertaining than All My Children, that long-running series that Esme watched nearly religiously.

"I got a fascinating look into the pack's mind last night. It was better than a soap opera. I had no idea how complex the dynamic is with such a large pack. The pull of the individual against the plural psyche... Absolutely fascinating."

Bella glared at me. She knew me so well, and fully understood that I was attempting to distract her. Her eyes narrowed, a crease appeared between her brows, and if the situation hadn't been so dire, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from ravishing her luscious, pursed lips. Part of me wanted to kiss her so badly, and I nearly leaned down, but I also knew that I had to keep distracting her to get this idea out of her head. I had captured so much last night – so many things none of them had meant for me to hear, each unable to truly hide their thoughts. They all knew I could read their minds, but in their immaturity, they had simply not been experienced enough to clear their minds.

And a large part of me wanted to share as much as I could, just for sharing's sake.

"Jacob's been keeping a lot of secrets." I grinned when she didn't answer and continued to glare at me. She was utterly magnificent – so unafraid, so brave, risking the ire of a vampire. I gave her a moment, to see if she would answer, but she was not forthcoming. I continued my tale.

"For instance, did you notice the smaller gray wolf there last night?"

Bella nodded once, stiffly, grudgingly. I chuckled at her response. "They take all of their legends so seriously. It turns out there are things that none of their stories prepared them for."

She sighed, giving in. "Okay, I'll bite. What are you talking about?"

I smiled at the small victory. "They always accepted without question that it was only the direct grandsons of the original wolf who had the power to transform."

Bella's eyes flickered with interest. "So someone changed who wasn't a direct descendant?"

"No. She's a direct descendant, all right."

Bella blinked and her eyes became round. "_She_?"

I moved in for the kill. Nodding, I said,"She knows you. Her name is Leah Clearwater."

The response was instantaneous. "Leah's a werewolf?" she shrieked. "What? For how long? Why didn't Jacob tell me?"

She seemed really upset by this revelation so I hastened to answer, and to my dismay, ended up defending the mongrel's sorry hide, without meaning to.

"There are things he wasn't allowed to share – their numbers, for instance. Like I said before, when Sam gives an order, the pack simply isn't able to ignore it. Jacob was very careful to think of other things when he was near me. Of course, after last night that's all out the window."

"I can't believe it," Bella exclaimed, seemingly in shock. "Leah Clearwater!"

She fell silent after that, but I could almost see the wheels churning in her mind, and wished for the millionth time I could simply hear her like I could hear everyone else. As usual, I needed to know what she was thinking about, and was about to open my mouth to ask her, when she spoke again.

"Poor Leah," she whispered.

Poor Leah? Bella was so wrong about that girl. Leah Clearwater's thoughts had been vicious, harpy-like even. Granted, losing her boyfriend to her cousin Emily due to this insane imprinting compulsion had been a terrible blow to the young girl, but she was handling it very badly.

_Really, Edward? How would you handle losing Bella and having to hear about her happiness every day_?

The nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I wouldn't fare any better, that the pain and anguish would be utterly unbearable, but what little sympathy I'd had for Leah when I realized what had happened to her, how she felt heartbroken and betrayed by something that Sam had been completely unable to control, had been wiped away by her inner bitterness. She absolutely hated being a wolf, hated having to listen to everyone's thoughts, hated having her own shame and heartache laid bare for all them of them to hear. And every day, she acted upon that hatred with extraordinary malice, causing everyone pain in the process, especially Sam.

He suffered most because he had gone back on each and every promise he had made to Leah, starting with having to keep his wolf transformation secret, scared to be around her for fear of hurting her, and then the center of his universe had shifted upon meeting Emily. It wasn't like falling in love, at least not in the conventional sense – he was under a compulsion, a magic spell, like something out of my favorite Shakespeare play. He'd become whatever Emily needed him to be, and once that had been clear to me, I was no longer repulsed by the thought that one of them had imprinted on a two-year old. Quil Ateara's thoughts of the little girl had not been that of a man for the woman he loves – no, oddly enough, he thought of her protectively, like an older brother would. I supposed as Claire grew up, that would change. Either way, that little girl was his whole world.

Nothing mattered but her. Nothing was more important. I completely understood that sentiment.

And to make things even stranger in that aspect, their legends had called it a rare occurrence, but there were already three wolves in the pack that had imprinted. Apparently, this was something that happened after their first change. I'd seen in the flea-ridden dog's pea-sized mind that he had tried to force himself to imprint on Bella once she had figured out his secret, but from what I had seen so far, it was not something that could be forced. And since it didn't happen, I also knew that Bella was not meant for him.

Not that I didn't know that before – she was mine, after all. For life. For eternity.

_Really? Eternity?_

_What are you saying, Edward?_

_Shit_.

I shook my head slightly to get the unwelcome thought out of my mind and returned to my musings about that vicious harpy. I had certainly not appreciated Leah's internal comments when she silently called Bella a leech lover, and the derision of my sweet girl was echoed by some of the other dogs. I was still very angry about that.

I snorted in disgust at the whole lot of them. "She's making life exceedingly unpleasant for the rest of them. I'm not sure she deserves your sympathy."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"It's hard enough for them, having to share all their thoughts," I explained carefully. "Most of them try to cooperate, make it easier. When even one member is deliberately malicious, it's painful for everyone."

"She has reason enough," Bella mumbled in defense of that harpy.

"Oh, I know," I told her earnestly. "The imprinting compulsion is one of the strangest things I've ever witnessed in my life, and I've seen some strange things." Anything Emmett wore in the seventies came unbidden. I shook my head to clear the hideous images from my mind, and suppressed a groan at the memories.

"The way Sam is tied to his Emily is impossible to describe – or I should say _her Sam_. Sam really had no choice. It reminds me of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ with all the chaos caused by the fairies' love spells... like magic." I smiled at Bella. The distraction tactic was working so well, and here was another opportunity to tell her how very much I loved her. "It's very nearly as strong as the way I feel about you."

"Poor Leah," Bella repeated. "But what do you mean, malicious?"

"She's constantly bringing up things they'd rather not think of," I told her, thinking back on the cruel punches the girl had thrown. "For example, Embry."

Surprise flitted across Bella's face. "What's with Embry?"

I suppressed a chuckle. "His mother moved down from the Makah reservation seventeen years ago, when she was pregnant with him. She's not Quileute. Everyone assumed she'd left his father behind with the Makahs. But then he joined the pack."

"So?"

"So the prime candidates for his father are Quil Ateara Sr., Joshua Uley, or Billy Black, all of them married at that point, of course."

Bella gasped, "No!" I chuckled and continued my tale, the distraction working like a charm.

"Now Sam, Jacob, and Quil all wonder which of them has a half-brother. They'd all like to think it's Sam, since his father was never much of a father. But the doubt is always there. Jacob's never been able to ask Billy about that."

I was grinning now – the whole situation was so ridiculously sordid, the result of a torrid affair, and completely awkward because it had become a pink elephant for them – something no one wanted to even think about.

Enter Leah Clearwater.

"Wow," Bella exclaimed, "how did you get so much in one night?"

"The pack mind is mesmerizing," I told her excitedly. "All thinking together and then separately at the same time. There's so much to read!" I could hardly wait to spend more time recapturing the information, dissecting it more deeply and finding out as much as I possibly could about their lives, and the inner workings of the pack. I wished I could have had more time with them – I had only seen the tip of the iceberg last night.

Bella laughed at my regretful expression. "The pack is fascinating," she said, agreeing with me. "Almost as fascinating as you are when you're trying to distract me."

_Crap_!

My face became instantly smooth, not giving anything away. I didn't respond.

Bella leaned forward. "I have to be in that clearing, Edward."

_No fucking way in hell_!

Only over my smoldering pile of ashes would _that_ happen.

"No," I replied, my tone final.

Bella's eyes dropped to the table and she was silent for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was a whisper, and she wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Okay, look, Edward – here's the thing... I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. _And I can't stand it if you leave me again_."

I inhaled sharply, and the anguish of my guilt overwhelmed me. This was my fault. I had done this to her, I had broken her heart, broken her spirit, and made her feel so abandoned that she could not trust me not to leave her again. Her voice sounded guilty for bringing up the pain of our needless separation, my ridiculous flight from my destiny and hers, and I was overcome by an urgent need to comfort her, explain to her that I would always be hers. I no longer had a choice in the matter – I knew, _had known_, that I could not survive without her.

I hadn't realized that she was still in so much pain, that her heart had not healed completely. I hadn't realized that she was still afraid that I would leave her once more. I hadn't realized that my assurances to the contrary had not been clear or sufficient enough.

_Did you expect it to be so easy? You almost killed her, Edward, you stupid, arrogant ass_.

The nagging voice in the back of my mind only strengthened my guilt, and it just wouldn't stop.

Bella was still staring at the wooden kitchen table, the remainder of her breakfast forgotten. I wrapped my arms around her, gently stroking her face, her arms, her back, carefully pressing her against me, inhaling the sweet perfume of her scent.

_Oh, my sweet girl, my only love_. _I couldn't leave you even if I wanted to. And I don't – I don't ever want to be without you again._

"You know it's not like that, Bella," I murmured into her ear, wanting, needing, to reassure her. "I won't be far, and it will be over quickly."

_How's that supposed to reassure her_? _You'd still be gone, for however long it takes._

_Well, yes_, I argued with myself, _but it won't be for very long at all, and it would give me such satisfaction to destroy anyone who's ever threatened her. How better to protect her?_

"I can't stand it," she whispered again, her voice anguished. "Not knowing whether or not you'll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it's over?"

I sighed. My attempts are reassuring her were working about as well as my previous attempts at distraction.

Not at all.  
Despite initial failure, I tried again. "It's going to be easy, Bella. There's no reason for your fears."

_That's just what she needed to hear – that she's unreasonable. Nice going. _

"None at all?" Bella timidly asked for confirmation, and I breathed easier.

"None," I replied in a firm tone.

"And everybody will be fine?" she continued, her voice a little stronger, and I suppressed a relieved sigh. She was breathing shallowly, but seemed to finally buy into my argument, however her eyes were still not meeting mine.

"Everyone," I promised fiercely.

"So there's no way at all that I need to be in the clearing?" Her tone of voice was puzzling – almost as if she was challenging me, but that couldn't be, could it? She was finally agreeing with me – that with the wolves' help, we'd have no problem at all. Of course, she didn't need to be in the clearing. I decided to share another piece of information with her, hoping that would make her feel better.

"Of course not. Alice just told me that they're down to nineteen. We'll be able to handle it easily." I smiled at her, but her downcast eyes did not see it.

"That's right," she said, and I knew I had convinced her. "You said it was so easy that someone could sit out. Did you really mean that?"

"Yes," I simply said, with a slight shrug. Hadn't I promised her that I wouldn't lie to her again? Perhaps she needed a reminder of that but before I could say the words she stunned me into silence.

"So easy that _you_ could sit out?" she challenged me.

_Fuck_.

I was screwed, and I knew it. She had me trapped in my own words and I hadn't seen it coming. I couldn't speak for a long moment as the repercussions of my stupidity slapped me in the face and hit me in the gut. She had outsmarted me. The silence became deafening. I struggled to smooth out my expression, to hide my emotions as she lifted her head to me. Perhaps there still was a chance to defray this situation. I wanted to fight the newborns nearly as much as Emmett did. I wanted to bring my strength and speed to bear, rip their miserable heads off, laugh in their faces as they died at my hands, punished for coming after Bella.

As her eyes finally looked at mine, I recognized the expression on her face. Guilt, anguish, terror. She was deathly afraid of losing me, and it matched the horror in my own albeit frozen heart.

I watched her chest rise as she took a deep breath, snapping my eyes to her mouth as her lips moved with her final challenge.

"So it's either one way or the other. Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help. Or... it's going to be so easy that they'll get by without you. Which way is it?"

The irony of this was not lost on me. I hadn't been lying when I'd told her it would be easy to take care of the newborns with the help of the wolves, but I hadn't pictured myself not fighting with my family. I didn't have a doubt that they would be just fine doing this without me. Certainly I'd have to talk to Jasper, make some changes to the plan, perhaps, if they were to not have my mind-reading ability to help guide them, but I wasn't terribly worried about them getting hurt, nor the wolves. We were a family of strong fighters. Jasper had experience, Emmett had strength, Rosalie was ferociously protective of all of us, including Bella as I had found out, Alice had her visions to help her evade any direct attack, and even Carlisle, pacifistic to the extreme, would fight to the death if the situation called for it.

I just didn't want to sit on the sidelines. I wanted to fight for Bella; destroy any threat to her life – it was my right, my duty. I was certain she'd do the same for me if our roles were reversed.

I had to make certain that she knew what she was truly requesting, and wondered what was going on in her mind that had made her set this inescapable trap.

"You ask me to let them fight without my help?" I kept my voice even, quiet.

"Yes," Bella answered, still unable to look at me, trying to keep her voice just as even, but I heard the self-loathing she had to be feeling inside. "Or to let me be there. Either way, so long as we're together."

She knew. She knew what she was asking for, and I was certain that she also anticipated what I would decide.

Bella being in the clearing was out of the question. If I allowed that and something happened to her during the fight, it would shatter me. Kill me.

I had no choice.

I took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly, pondering how I could alleviate her unwarranted guilt. I moved my hands to either side of face and stared into her eyes, searching deep within the chocolate pools. I saw how wretched she felt. For Bella, who was usually so selfless, always putting others first, to make such a monumental request, to making her own needs a priority, was utterly uncharacteristic. I saw the guilt she felt for asking this of me, but deep down in her beautiful eyes, I saw the shame, and more importantly, the agonizing pain she had hidden away from me for so long. I felt the rippling fissure in my unbeating heart. The one that carried my immense guilt until the end of time. It would never mend, never heal. It was my eternal punishment for the pain Bella felt.

I had caused that pain.

The fear, the anguish, the needless agony she was feeling now; it was all rooted in my insipidly arrogant decision to leave her, overreacting to Jasper's mistake and loss of control, loathing the monster within me, not wanting Bella to be exposed to the dangers of my world. From the moment I had met her, fallen in love with her, I'd been trying to find the strength to leave her, and the episode on her birthday had pushed me over that edge.

Seven months of anguished separation had taught me that neither of us was capable of living without the other. The burning agony of having caused her so much pain must have flashed across my face because her eyes widened minutely, as I pulled out the phone to call my sister.

_Whatever Bella needs. She's all that matters_.

I'd be missing a damn good fight, an opportunity when I'd be able to let loose my anger and get some of the pent-up frustration out of my system. Never mind exposing myself to quite a lot of ribbing, dished out by none other than Emmett. I could already hear his comments in my head. It would not be pleasant.

_Fuck. _

_You brought this on yourself, you idiot_. _Put the blame where it belongs_.

_Double fuck_!

I released a sigh of resignation and acceptance. This would be just another part of my eternal penitence for having nearly broken the only girl I would ever love.

"Alice," I said when she picked up, "could you come babysit Bella for a bit?"

Bella's eyes tightened when she heard the hated term, and I raised one eyebrow at her.

"Sure, Edward... but why?"

"I need to speak with Jasper," I explained evasively. By the time, Alice got here, she'd probably already seen what I had decided and told the family.

"I'll be right over." She hung up and I put the phone back into my pocket.

The guilt and pain not yet dissipated from Bella's eyes as I gazed back into them. I fought not to get lost in them, to keep a clear head when she spoke.

"I'm sorry." Her voice sounded so anguished, it nearly broke my frozen heart.

"Don't apologize," I said, and forced a small smile on my face. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need... " I shrugged dismissively. "You are my first priority."

"I didn't mean it that way – like you have to choose me over your family."

Sweet, silly girl. That wasn't what she had asked of me. I hurried to assure her, to try to alleviate this needless guilt she was feeling.

"I know that. Besides, that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one that _I_ could live with. That's how compromise is supposed to work." I smiled at her gently and let the love I felt for her shine out of my eyes.

She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against my chest. "Thank you," she whispered.

I put my arms around her and pulled her against me. "Anytime," I told her, kissing the top of her head. "Anything."

Whatever she needed, I'd do it. I allowed myself to enjoy a long moment of peace, with Bella's cheek pressed against me, my arms surrounding her, and relished the fire of pure, unadulterated love that her simple, willing touch ignited inside me.

At least now, I knew the reasons for her strange dreams today – it all made sense now. Except for one thing.

"Who's the third wife?"

"Huh?" Bella replied.

"You were mumbling something about 'the third wife' last night," I explained. "The rest made a little sense," especially in light of the most recent conversation we'd had, "but you lost me there."

She kept her face pressed to my shirt when she answered, which made me suspicious immediately. "Oh. Um, yeah. That was just one of the stories that I heard at the bonfire the other night." She shrugged a little, but her voice sounded like she was uncomfortable that I had brought it up. "I guess it stuck with me."

I leaned back a bit so I could look at her face, cocking my head to the side. The lie of omission was clear on her face.

Right. I wasn't buying a word of what she'd just told me. There had to be some significance to that story, and I would find out. Even if I had to asked the stinking dog about it.

Alice danced into the kitchen, before I could press Bella further. The expression on her face was not pleased, and I wasn't pleased because Bella couldn't see that Alice wasn't mad because I was not going to fight – she was mad because she knew I'd be a bit temperamental for while, unhappy to have to let this opportunity slip through my fingers.

"_If you know what's good for you, grumpy pants, you won't take it out on any of us_."

"Hello, Alice," I said without looking, ignoring her mental comment about my decision.

I tilted Bella's head back to kiss her. "I'll be back later tonight," I promised, "I'll go work this out with the others, rearrange things."

"Okay." Bella leaned into my embrace once more, and pressed her lips against mine.

"_Get a room_."

I glared at my sister.

"There's not much to arrange," Alice said, with a smirk. "I already told them. Emmett is pleased."

The mental picture of that exchange made me sigh. "Of course he is."

With one last hungry look at Bella, I walked out of the kitchen through the backdoor.

"_Charlie will be home soon. I'll get Bella to take a shower, and then I'll arrange for the sleepover __permission. No need to thank me_."

"Annoying little pixie," I muttered under my breath as I crossed the back lawn towards the forest. She heard me, of course, and sent me on my way with a picture of her tongue stuck out at me.

Nice.

I broke into a full run and was at the house in minutes. Emmett and Jasper were mock-fighting on the front lawn. I heard Rosalie in the garage, Carlisle in his office, and Esme watching TV in the living room.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett shouted, grinning when he saw me approach. "No newborn ripping for you, I hear. Too bad. I guess I'll just take care of your share. You are _so _whipped, my brother."

"Shut up," I growled at him angrily. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

"What got your knickers in a knot?"

"It would have been just fine, if that one," I pointed at Jasper, "hadn't planted that stupid idea in her head. What the _hell_ were you thinking when you brought that up?"

"Easy, man," Jasper held up his hands.

"This is your fault, damn it. Next time, keep your big mouth shut."

"Well, pardon me for breathing." Jasper was getting angry, and my own fury only made his anger stronger.

"Oh, damn it all," I said, and sat down on the front step and buried my face in my hands. I was being unfair and I knew it.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I shouldn't take this out on you. I'm a little peeved about missing the fighting, and I shouldn't be. Bella's safety is more important."

Jasper strolled over to the porch, with Emmett a few steps behind him.

"So – basically, you're pissed because you can't fight with us?" he clarified.

"Yes," I freely admitted.

Emmett laughed. "Told ya – you're whipped, man."

"How did she manage to get you to agree to stay with her?" Jasper wanted to know.

"She gave me a choice – either be in the clearing with us, or be with me in the hiding place. Either way, as long as we weren't separated during the fight. She said she couldn't stand it if I left her again. She is terrified of losing me, thinking that I _could _leave again." I laughed, once, harshly. "As if I could. As if I wasn't just as terrified to lose her."

Jasper felt the desperation radiating through me, and tried to ease it with a wave of calming serenity. "Edward, you made the right choice," he said quietly. "Sure, it would be a little easier if we had you there, with the mind reading and all, but we can manage just fine without you. And to be honest, the plan you cooked up last night with our neighborhood pup, having an inexperienced boy watching over her, didn't quite sit right with me. She'll be safer with you – you know that."

Rosalie had walked out of the garage and sat down next to me. "He's right, Edward. You need to keep her safe. If anything happens to her – something you would have been able to prevent if you'd just stayed with her, how would you handle that? How would we handle your reaction? Never mind the ass-kicking you'd get from me." She smiled a little, and Emmett's eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

"Oh, and don't worry too much about Emmett," she leaned down towards me, "I'll keep his ass in line."

"_What the hell_??" he sputtered. I nearly laughed at the disbelief on Emmett's face.

"Who are you, and what have you done with my wife?" he demanded heatedly.

"Nothing to worry about, dear," Rosalie smiled enigmatically. "Come help me do the last tune-up?"

She got up and, with a flick of her hips, turned towards the garage. Emmett sauntered after her like the good husband he was.

"_Damn, I'm just as whipped as he is_."

I laughed once, and Jasper watched Emmett waltz into the garage.

"_What's so funny_?"

I just shook my head and mouthed, "Nothing."

I grumbled under my breath about the unfairness of it all, having to sit out, knowing that Rosalie and Jasper were right. I could protect Bella much more efficiently if she stayed with me, out of the way, far removed from the newborn army. Not having to rely on an immature pup. I felt marginally better when I thought about spending time with her alone.

Jasper looked at me, smirking. "Feel better now? Don't worry, Edward. You can help me tonight, if you like. I'm assuming you'll both be there?"

"Most likely," I nodded, "I don't think I'll be able to keep her away."

"We'll do some different groupings, teach them how to handle more than one coming at them. Trust me – if I'm not worrying, neither should you."

"_She's really grown on me, Edward. It'll be a fine day when she joins our family_."

I growled at him, but he was not swayed.

"_You got someone extraordinary here. Don't fuck it up. I still owe that girl for forgiving me so easily_."

I knew what he was referring to. "Jasper," I warned him. "Don't! The fault for that is all mine."

"_Oh, be done already, Edward. Seriously, do you get off on loathing yourself_? _You may wanna try a different method, but suit yourself. I just don't wanna feel it anymore_."

"I'm sorry," I said, raising my eyes to him. "I know I'm not being fair. This just really sucks."

Jasper laughed. "Oh, so what, you don't get to fight. Big deal. Isn't her sanity worth it?"

"Of course it is," I said indignantly. "Why do you think I'm agreeing to her request?"

"I figured as much. You're doing the right thing. We can handle the newborns without you – you know that. Is that what's pissing you off? That you're not needed?"

"I suppose... I don't know. I think it's primarily because I'm utterly shocked that Bella laid this trap for me so perfectly, and I never saw it coming."

Jasper laughed again. "What? Edward outsmarted by a human? A girl, at that?"

"Enough with the jokes at my expense," I snapped. "Sorry. Seriously, she totally blindsided me. I didn't think she had it in her. I suppose I'm a little surprised that she can be so ruthless."

"She's female, Edward. That's something they're born with," he winked at me.

"No," I shook my head. "It's more than that. I think this might be the first really selfish thing she's done since I met her. And she's feeling terribly guilty about it, I could tell. Not that she has anything to feel guilty about – certainly not for asking me to stay with her. I had no idea that she was still hurting so badly, that her heart wasn't healed yet... it staggered me. I feel like a complete fool for not realizing it sooner. I mean, it was like that in the beginning, when I... we... first returned. I guess I thought that by now, she'd believe that I would never, could never leave her again."

Jasper looked at me sympathetically. "To be honest, Edward, I don't think that'll ever go away completely – that feeling that you might abandon her again. Not for a few years, anyway. She trusts you implicitly – any idiot can see that, and she loves you as deeply as you love her... you know, I can tell that without question, but you've hurt her... we all did. God, I am so damn sorry I lost my cool that night. It was one fucking drop of blood, and I completely lost my mind. All I could see was that red, glistening liquid spilling from her finger. If it hadn't been for you, I'd have bit her, killed her."

He cast his eyes down at the ground. "I'm so, so sorry, Edward."

I saw an opportunity to ease his mind.

"Stop," I said. "It's done, it's over, and you know I've forgiven you. Besides, it wasn't your fault that you snapped."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he scoffed. "You didn't seem to have any problem not lunging at her, and she's your fucking singer. You sucked out that sadist's venom, you _drank from her_, and you were able to stop." I could tell he was quickly spiraling into another round of unnecessary guilt.

"Yes," I agreed calmly, "but I'm also irrevocably in love with her. I know that I can't live without her – though, stupidly enough, for a little while, I thought I could, that I had to. Jasper, what I'm trying to tell you is this... my bloodlust flared just the same at that moment she got that papercut. So did Esme's and Emmett's and Rosalie's – even Alice, I'm certain. We are usually very careful not to get exposed to fresh human blood. You know that. The only one who's really immune is Carlisle. Don't you think it's possible that your own bloodlust was exacerbated in that moment by what we were all feeling?"

He stared at me in disbelief. "What are you saying?"

"Remember when we were in Phoenix?" I continued, not waiting for him to nod. "You were in a car with her, in a small, confined space for hours, driving down there. You stayed with her in a hotel room for two days. You killed James in the ballet studio, while Bella lay bleeding from numerous wounds on the floor. There was a lot of blood. Did your bloodlust overwhelm you then? Sure, you left when he was dead and it became to much – but you left. You walked right past her and didn't lunge at her." It was a little difficult to breathe at that moment, as the horrendous images of Bella's broken body floated to the surface. It had been one of the worst moments of my existence.

"No," he murmured, still in shock, and recoiling slightly from the sudden anguish that he absorbed from me. I struggled to get my emotions back under control.

"You see, Jasper? This was not all your fault. In that split second, you absorbed our emotions and it made your own stronger. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you about this sooner, but the thought just came to me this morning," I finished.

"I don't really know what to say, Edward," he said slowly. "You present a good argument, but I've always been the weakest link. None of the others lunged at her. None of you struggle like I do to keep the thirst in check."

"That is true," I agreed carefully. "But none of us had the upbringing you did. You haven't had a lapse in how long?"

"Thirty-seven years."

"You see my point?"

"I suppose I do. But I still struggle around humans, though oddly enough, not so much with Bella anymore."

"Yes, I have seen that in your thoughts, though I don't fully understand why that has changed so much." I could see the intention forming in his mind, and I fell silent as I realized he wanted to really explain himself to me.

"Walk with me for a moment, if you don't mind. I'd rather not have an audience."

We ran together into the forest, out of earshot of our family. Jasper sat down on a fallen tree, while I leaned my back against a nearby boulder. I appreciated his trust and listened carefully as he began.

"Well, as you will remember, in the beginning I was exceptionally angry with you, especially when you saved her from being crushed by that idiot's van, and then your horrifically rude behavior towards my old friends. Well, you know – you were there. I spent those few days with Peter and Charlotte, and Peter told me, for the very first time, that he actually fell in love with Charlotte while she was still human, though only barely, and it got me thinking. Rosalie found Emmett the same way, as Carlisle found Esme. I knew their stories, how they met, but it had never occurred to me that this could be a pattern, a natural occurrence. Alice was already an immortal when we first met. Without meaning to, I began to question if this was a possibility – that vampires could fall in love with a human, and while it was a staggering thought, I began to look at your inexplicable fixation with Bella in a different light. Of course, Emmett and Esme, and even Charlotte had all been at the brink of death, and Bella certainly wasn't, so I couldn't be sure that this was the same scenario. But I thought it was interesting, at the very least. Needless to say, I hid my thoughts from you – I was still very angry with how you had treated my friends, which clouded my ability to think rationally about this, and I was also making contingency plans in case Bella found out what we were. I saw the inevitability of that happening, when Alice shared her vision with me, so I wasn't quite as shocked as Rosalie that day we realized that Bella knew. But I wasn't sure that she could be trusted to keep the secret. I still considered her a huge risk to all of us, a chance that the Volturi would find out that a human knew about us, and that their punishment would descend on us all. I was afraid – not for myself, but for Alice. And I felt rage towards you for exposing us all. I really, _really_ wanted to hurt you at that time, but I refrained because of Alice. She convinced me to wait it out." He smirked before continuing.

"Then you brought Bella home just a few days later, after she had figured out what monsters we actually were, and Alice insisted that I meet her, telling me again what good friends they would become, and I could feel the longing that emanated from my wife, to have a girlfriend, a confidante outside of our relationship. You of all people know that whatever decision I make is based on Alice's needs. I can only assume that you're the same with Bella." He looked at me, and I nodded in affirmation, before he lowered his eyes to the ground.

"Oddly enough, Bella wasn't afraid. There she was, in a room with seven vampires, and I didn't feel any fear from her. Sure, she was nervous but I quickly realized that it wasn't based on what we were. I will never forget the ease with which you touched her, having her sit on your lap, and the extraordinary happiness that radiated from you both. I knew I'd never felt that from you, not in the many years since Alice and I joined the family. You were never really happy before, Edward, but here was this little human girl, and you were radiant with your elation and pure joy. I was flabbergasted, to say the least. I felt your thirst, of course, when you lowered your head to her neck, but you overrode the feeling instantly. It made no sense to me. I couldn't understand how you were able to refrain from biting her, your singer of all people, how you were able to touch her without breaking her, and how she could enjoy being in your arms. I could feel the depth of the love you had for her, and I could feel that same depth from her. I nearly dismissed it. She was a human, and could not possibly be feeling the intensity of our vampire emotions." He paused and his voice was quiet when he finally continued. "It was comparable to what I feel from Alice."

I simply nodded, unable to speak. I remembered that day so clearly, and how elated I had been to have Bella know everything about me, about us. But just as Jasper had, I too had dismissed the notion that Bella's feelings for me matched those of my own for her.

Jasper continued. "That same day, that night, the nomads came, and then we were whisking Bella away, running from that sadistic swine, but I regarded my behavior in Phoenix as a fluke, in a way. It was something I did for Alice.... ," he trailed off for a moment, remembering how his wife had begged him, telling him that she wanted Bella in her life, and that he needed to do whatever it took to save her. He remembered softening towards Bella during that time, knowing how her presence in my life affected me, how I was happier than he'd ever seen me. There was a glimpse of a conversation he had with Bella in that hotel room in Phoenix, something he'd never told me.

"Our only fear is losing you." The memory was fleeting and he quickly moved on to the next image.

He'd gotten a glimpse of her personality by then, her selflessness, her goodness, her devotion to me, and it had made him question his earlier aversion to her.

When we all returned to Forks, with Bella in a cast, and more bruises on her body than I cared to count, he had resumed keeping his distance due to his thirst, and been careful not to get close to her again. At my request. I hadn't trusted him to control himself, and I hadn't wanted him exposed to the temptation. Bella and Jasper had spent little time in each other's presence, their relationship distant and a little awkward. He reflected on his emotions changing towards Bella during the summer leading up to her eighteenth birthday, how he'd felt more comfortable in her presence, though still cautious, and how he'd slowly started to accept her as my mate. I suppressed a grimace at that thought – he'd realized the significance of my truly falling in love with Bella long before I had.

It was baffling to see that he had managed to keep all of this private, never thinking of it when I was around. There was something that was nagging me in the back of my mind – a fleeting thought of something that Jasper had said.

And then it hit me – just like I had acclimated myself to Bella's scent over time, perhaps I should have extended that same opportunity to Jasper. If he'd been around her more, and had been exposed to Bella's fragrance more often, who was to say that he would have snapped on her birthday?

I'd never thought about that. Could more exposure have changed his reaction to that little drop of blood? Could that horrible aftermath with all its far-reaching consequences have been avoided? Had his failure at controlling himself been my fault by not allowing him to get acclimated to Bella?

I didn't get a chance to think about it further as the images of her birthday party flooded his mind, and I inhaled sharply, before they turned into pictures of the desolate vampire that had insisted on giving up his only love so she could have a long, happy, human life, and made his family suffer along with him. My throat constricted, and I was unable to breathe when I saw the image, my dead heart broken, a shadow of myself, knowing I would spend eternity without Bella. I struggled to contain the anguish within myself but failed miserably.

Jasper looked straight at me with a grimace. "Ouch, Edward. Please, let me continue – this is hard enough as it is for me, to tell you all this. You know I don't share much of myself with anyone except Alice, and I often resent your ability because it intrudes on my privacy."

I nodded. "Yes, and I really am grateful that you are so honest and open right now. You know I try to stay out as much as I can."

Jasper smiled slightly. "You do, and I appreciate it. So, anyway – initially, I was horribly ashamed for what I did that night – I still am. Then it grew to anger – you were hurting us all, especially my wife, and I didn't understand why you wouldn't just turn Bella, make her one of us, claim her for your own, as you know she is. I still don't understand that, really. She's your mate, after all. I couldn't comprehend how you could simply give her up, but I was too ashamed to argue with you, to stand next to Alice and tell you that you were making a tremendous mistake." He shook his head as he heard the rumbled growl in my chest. Jasper held up his hands.

"Stop – I really don't want to know your asinine reasoning, because it likely will never make sense to me, and you know as well as I do that by now it's a done deal, thank God. I would vote the same way again, if need be. This is her choice, and you need to let her make it. Look... " he ran a hand through his hair, "I have felt the enormity of your pain, Edward – I felt your despair and desolation when you made us all leave here, and the intensity of it matched what I imagine I would feel if I ever lost Alice. It was staggering. The love between the two of you is palpable – I can tell that even without my extra ability. She braved the Volturi to save your sorry ass, for crying out loud. Do you have any idea how panicked I was when Alice ran off to Italy, with Bella, to stop you from killing yourself? How close I came to following them, only relenting when Alice assured me it would be fine? That she would come home to me? " His glare was fierce. As this appeared to be a rhetorical question, I didn't think he expected an answer so I didn't respond. He inhaled deeply, and lowered his gaze again.

"Of course, now I know she was lying, and I know why. All I could see though that she was running after you. I was so mad at you for pulling that stupid stunt. Then you all came home, and here we are, preparing to go to battle with a newborn army, once again trying to keep Bella safe. And I'll do it gladly, Edward, any day of the week, whatever is necessary. She's your mate, she's family now. I feel so much more comfortable around her. As I said, Bella's grown on me. I'm actually quite fond of her. Alice loves her to pieces, and hurting Bella in any way would hurt Alice, and I just can't let that happen. Never mind what it would do to you and the rest of the family." He looked up and shrugged.

That had been the longest speech Jasper had made, in the five decades I'd known him. I was speechless for a moment, simply staring at him, and he smirked at me.

"_What_?"

I found my voice. "First of all – thank you for fighting for Bella. I would never have asked, but I want you to know that I really appreciate how you, and everyone else, has jumped in and prepared to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Secondly, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, Jasper. I won't explain my reasons for wanting to keep Bella human, but I will tell you this – I have started to question myself on that. I still think it would be a monstrously selfish thing to do, to ask her to give up her mortality, her humanity, her soul for me, but I've also realized that I can't live without her. And I don't want to. I can finally admit out loud that I want her for the rest of time. So, perhaps it is inevitable. She certainly is hellbent on going through with her choice, and I can see that it will happen, whenever she's ready. Just not now – not while she's in danger."

"Damn, Edward – that is the first time you've ever alluded to not being averse to her change. Have you finally gotten over your ludicrous fear for her soul?" He was astonished.

I smirked. "Yes, well, perhaps not entirely, but I'm getting there – your lovely wife had a lot to do with it. Has she told you how she laid into me yesterday?"

"I'm glad she did." I noticed that he hadn't actually answered my question, but his mind did not show any conversation between the two of them about that, so I let it go.

"She was quite convincing," I grinned a little. "I've been considering this for a while, though. Ever since the vote, I suppose. Ever since our return." I took a deep breath. "And what you've just told me certainly explains why you no longer struggle so much around Bella."

His return smile was teasing. "Yeah, I've had some time to think it through. Couple of months... "

"Look, Jasper, I know you joined the family because of Alice, and you and Emmett are closer than you and I, and you've put up with a lot from me over the years." I smirked at him. "You still are. Anyway, please know that I'm not blaming you for what happened, and neither is Bella. But I can see that you're still blaming yourself, and I don't think you should. If anyone's to blame, it's me. The situation could have been handled in many different ways, but I overreacted completely. Not that it's anything out of the ordinary," I added with another smirk.

"Yeah, Edward, you definitely need to work on that, man. Give me some relief. I think I've earned it." He grinned freely and winked at me. "Though, I'm no better if it concerns Alice. Shall we head back?"

"Let's," I agreed. "And Jasper – thanks. Really. Thank you for sharing that with me."

"It was a long time coming."

I completely agreed and nodded. "Yes, it was. Come on, then, my brother." We raced back towards the house and fell into a walk as we reached the back lawn.

"I'm going to head inside to change. Alice is with Bella, and I need to get back over there. What time are you meeting tonight?"

"Ten," he answered. "I guess I'll see you then?"

"Wouldn't miss it. Let me know if you need my help with anything."

"Sure thing." He turned towards the garage, thinking to take the Ducati for a spin. Before he got there, he turned around. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"_Thanks_." He radiated contentment, and the wave hit me square in the chest.

I smiled. "You're welcome. I should have talked to you sooner."

"So should I." He turned towards the garage again.

I walked through the back door. Esme rose from the couch to greet me and enveloped me in a hug.

"Edward," she said, smiling and looking up at me. "Did you finally talk to Jasper?"

"It was long overdue, Esme," I told her.

"I know it was, my boy. And I'm so glad you two finally talked about what happened. He's been blaming himself for so long."

In her mind, I saw the conversations Carlisle had attempted with Jasper about the same subject, but he'd been brushed off by an angry and shamed man. I felt wretched when I saw the images of Jasper fleeing into the woods, to be by himself, to wrestle with his guilt.

"Thank you, Edward," she simply said and raised herself up to kiss my cheek.

Esme released me and went to the stairs to find Carlisle, lithely bounding up the stairs, her mind full of joy that another of the difficult talks was out of the way. It staggered me just a little to see how a long overdue conversation could so easily heal the bonds in my family, those that had nearly shattered the previous fall, and I berated myself that I hadn't done this sooner, as I followed Esme up the stairs and continued to my room.

_Arrogant ass_.

_Yes, I know, thank you_.

I quickly discarded the clothes I was wearing into the hamper, and pulled clean khakis and a blue shirt from my closet before taking the stairs two at a time on my way back down. I walked into the garage, flinging my key ring around my finger, and found Emmett and Rosalie finishing up on the Mercedes. Jasper and the motorcycle were long gone.

Emmett grinned at me, and Rosalie winked.

_Rosalie winked_? _I'm toast._

"What?" I asked. "What's funny?"

"_Still making amends, I see_," Rosalie thought.

"Did he tell you... ?" I broke off.

"_No, but it doesn't take a genius such as yourself to figure out what you two talked about. He came in here, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning, got on his bike and peeled out_."

"Yes, well... " Now I felt embarrassed.

Emmett came over and slapped me on the back. Hard. I winced. "Is it my turn now?"

"Your turn for what?"

"For you to gain my forgiveness, bro. Seems like you've gone through the whole family, except for me. Should I be upset that you haven't talked to me yet? Would it help if I cried a little?" His amusement was so evident on his face, I didn't even need to read his thoughts. Besides, Emmett never thought anything he wouldn't say out loud, unless it was specifically designed to make me skip right out of his head. During those moments, he would use naked images of himself and Rose. Not something I wanted to see. Ever.

I stared at him. "Very funny, Emmett."

"Oh, c'mon, I'm hurt. You know, I think I figured out why Rose is suddenly nice to you."  
"What?" My eyes flew to her face. "Did you... ?"

She shook her head just a little. "_Are you nuts? Do you really think I would tell that lovable, big oaf what we talked about? You'd never hear the end of it... come to think of it, perhaps I should..._ "

"Rosalie," I warned, "that is a double-edged sword."

She just grinned. "_Relax_._ For once, Emmett put two and two together and came up with four_."

"Don't worry, Edward," Emmett laughed boisterously. "I'm not stupid. I heard you talk to Carlisle, and to Esme. I know Rosalie met up with you a few days ago. Alice met you yesterday morning. Now you just came back from running off with Jasper, who walked in here like he's been handed the gift of his lifetime. So unless you have some really perverted stuff going on, the only thing I can think of is that you've finally decided to apologize to us, for being so fucking stupid last fall." He wiggled his eyebrows. "So, spill. Is there something you'd like to say to me?"

"Er...," I fumbled, having no idea how to respond to that.

"What's the matter, Edward? Has that stick up your ass rendered you unable to form a coherent sentence?" He grinned at me.

_Oh, what the hell..._

"It would appear that way," I admitted with a small grin.

Emmett laughed again. "That's a first, I think. For me, at least. Come on, then. Let me hear it."

This was apparently not my day. No, this was definitely a day for penitence. I decided to just suck it up and give him what he deserved. "I'm sorry, Emmett. I'm sorry I was such an arrogant bastard last fall, I'm sorry I made you all leave, I'm sorry to have hurt you with my actions. Please forgive me?"

I looked at him with a sheepish grin.

His smile lit up his face. "'bout time, my brother. 'bout fucking time." His fist formed, his arm swung out, and though I could read the intent, I let him smash his hand into my biceps and fought the urge to flinch.

_Fuck. That hurt_.

"Okay. 's all good." He was impressed that I hadn't avoided the punch. "Good thing that won't leave a bruise. Go on, then, I can see you're itching to get back to Bella. Now, listen – you protect her this weekend, you hear me? I'm rather partial to having her around."

"I'll do my best," I promised, and rushed to the Volvo. "See you later," I shouted over my shoulder before jumping into the car and driving out of the garage.

I actually felt freed, in a way. Freed because I'd had a chance to talk to everyone in my family, make amends for my stupidity and callous disregard of their feelings when I demanded we all leave. In that aspect, I was actually a lucky guy. My family loved me, despite of what I had done over the years, and especially despite my arrogance, and they all loved Bella for loving me. Even Rosalie had come around.

When I drove up to Bella's house, Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway, so I parked by the curb and quickly walked up to the front door, knocking as usual. I heard two beating hearts and two minds but only one person inside had both. Charlie was in a fairly happy mood, primarily because Alice had wrapped him around her little finger. He loved when she visited, and similar to my predicament with Bella, he could deny Alice nothing.

"_I got it all set up, Edward_," Alice trilled in her mind. "_As far as Charlie knows, you will all be on a camping trip, and Bella will be alone with me this weekend, starting tomorrow night_. _You can thank me later. Oh, and Bella doesn't know that you're the one kidnapping her. I didn't get a chance to tell her._" She quickly replayed the conversation in her head so I could be prepared for whatever Bella's suspicious father might throw my way in an attempt to trip me up.

A few quick footsteps, and the door opened to reveal the most beautiful face in the world. "Hello, my love," I said softly before pulling her into my arms. "Did you miss me?"

She leaned into my chest, and I deeply inhaled her incomparable fragrance. "Don't you know?" she whispered. I chuckled.

"I suppose I do," I said, smiling happily, and kissed her temple. "I missed you, too. Are you finished with dinner?"

She took my hand and pulled me inside. "Yes, all done. Come in."

We walked into the kitchen, hand in hand, and Charlie registered our clasped fingers. His mood changed instantly, but he felt, because Alice was also there, that he needed to be a little more courteous than usual.

"Evening, Edward," he said, and cringed internally. I suppressed a grin and returned his greeting.

"Good evening, Charlie."

"So, you're heading out to the wilderness this weekend?" he asked, wondering if this was all a ploy, and if I'd stumble over my answer.

"Yes, sir, we are. Carlisle's taking off some time at the hospital, and we're leaving early in the morning. Alice has chosen to remain behind to indulge her addiction for shopping," I added with a teasing look at my sister.

He was appeased by my answer. "Well, have a nice trip."

"Thank you, Charlie."

Having said his piece, he heaved himself out of the kitchen chair and ambled into the living room. "Gonna go watch the game, Bells," he said over his shoulder. "You kids can join, if you want."

"I want to clean up from dinner first, Dad. Maybe in a little while."

"Sure."

Bella washed, I dried, and Alice put things away. We spent those few minutes in companionable silence – well, not entirely silent, as Alice's mind was focused on seeing any more possible scenarios, and trying to figure out who was behind the newborn army.

"_I just can't see it, Edward_," she sighed internally. "_It's driving me absolutely crazy_."

"It's okay, Alice," I whispered. "Don't fret. It'll be fine."

"_What did Jasper say when you talked to him_?" She gave me a visual of our talking spot in the woods. I hissed under my breath. Was there nothing secret? I reminded myself that this was her husband, and that she probably had a right to know. So – if he wanted to tell her, that was fine with me. "_It looked __like he was quite happy afterwards_."

"Later, Alice," I said too quickly for Bella to understand.

Bella stared at us. "What? Did you see anything more?"

"No," Alice said lightly. "I just wanted to know what Jasper said, what new strategies they discussed."

"Oh," Bella said and pulled the plug out sink to let the dirty dish water drain. She turned to me and smiled. "Well, looks like we're done here. Thanks for helping. Do you want to go to the living room and watch TV with Charlie?"

Her father's ears perked up when he heard his name, and I continued our little charade.

"Not tonight, sweetheart. I want to get home early, since we're leaving early in the morning." I winked at her, and she smiled, understanding what I was saying. But just to be sure, I told her anyway, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

"I'll be waiting in your room, my love."

Bella giggled quietly. "Okay," she said, loud enough for Charlie to hear. "Let me walk you to the door."

Both Alice and I stuck our head into the living room to wish Charlie a good night. "Night," he grunted when I spoke, but when Alice said, "Good night, Charlie," he smiled and replied in a much nicer fashion.

"Bye, Alice. Sleep tight."

_Fat chance_.

When we got to the door, Alice went ahead to the car. I turned to Bella, took her face gently into my hands and kissed her sweet lips. "Don't make me wait too long," I murmured. And for good measure, I kissed her again.

"Good night, sweetheart," I said for Charlie's benefit. "I will see you on Sunday. Have fun with Alice."

"Bye," she replied and raised herself to her toes to kiss me once more. With a sigh, I released her and turned towards my car. Bella went inside and closed the door behind her.

"Edward," Alice grinned. "Do you want me to drive the Volvo home?"

I grinned back at her. "How did you know?"

"Female intuition," she deadpanned, and I laughed.

"Thanks for taking care of lying to Charlie," I said.

"No problem. Though it took a moment, and a few times stepping on her toes, to get her to realize what I was doing. She can be a little dense sometimes."

"Hey, be nice," I growled. "She still very tired. She had a long night last night, and I don't think tonight will be any different."

"Yeah, I know," Alice sighed. "She's stubborn to a fault."

I laughed. "That must be a female thing," I teased her. "I know someone else who's just as stubborn."

She had the good grace to grin. "That is our prerogative," she retorted with a wink. "Come on, let's go."

We got into the car and drove to the end of Bella's street, where I got out and Alice moved to the driver's seat.

She had to add one last jab. "I can see that you won't tell me about your conversation with Jazz. That's fine. I'll just ask him." I also received her usual tongue-sticking-out-at-me gesture, but that didn't sway me. If she wanted to know about my private conversation with her husband, she'd have to get it out of him. I wasn't going to tell. I smiled widely.

"See you later, Edward," she huffed, but I was already running back to Bella.

I silently climbed into her bedroom and stretched out on the narrow, single bed. She was still downstairs, talking to Charlie. I watched her through his eyes, breathing deeply to fill my nostrils with her scent.

"I'm going to bed, Dad," she told Charlie, and I grinned.

"You can't be tired," he protested, silently adding, "_You slept all day_."

"A little," Bella replied, her heart starting to beat faster at the lie.

"No wonder you like to skip the parties," he muttered. "It takes you so long to recover."

Thankfully, he had no idea that she'd been out all night, in the middle of the Olympic National Forest, spending time with seven vampires and ten overgrown mutts.

"Yeah," Bella mumbled. "G'night." She turned, and I lost the visual. I heard her trudge up the stairs, and shortly thereafter, her bedroom door opened and she slipped inside. I threw her a smile, and she rewarded me with one of her own.

_God, how I love her_.

I opened my arms for her and she joined me on the bed, snuggling against me. "What time are we meeting with the wolves?" she asked quietly.

"In an hour," I responded after throwing a quick glance at her alarm clock.

"That's good," she said evenly. "Jake and his friends need to get some sleep."

She was so misguided sometimes. "They don't need as much as you do," I reminded her. Something in my voice must have set her off, because she immediately changed the subject. I wondered if she thought I would try to dissuade her from joining us tonight. She didn't know that I had no such intention, fully anticipating that she would fight me tooth and nail if I even brought it up. I had learned my lesson from the previous night, and I was certainly not deluding myself into thinking that I could possibly convince her to do something she absolutely did not want to do. At least not without resorting to devious measures, and that would just make her mad at me.

"Did Alice tell you that she's kidnapping me again?" she asked me, and her voice sounded baleful.

I grinned happily. It seemed Bella truly didn't know that I would be doing the kidnapping this time. "Actually, she's not."

She raised her head to stare at me, and confusion washed over her glorious features. I laughed lightly at the befuddled expression on her face.

"I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember? Alice is going hunting with the rest of them." And I would stay behind, missing the fight. I sighed.

No. It didn't matter. Bella would always come first, her needs more important than anything else. So what if I missed out on a good brawl – she was worth it any day.

"I guess I don't need to do that now," I added, with just a little regret in my voice.

Her eyes widened. "_You're_ kidnapping me?" I simply nodded in response. She was silent, gazing at me with those deep, chocolate-brown orbs, and I felt myself getting lost in the depth of her gaze. I realized after a moment, that she had yet to react to my revelation, and I became concerned when she did not speak.

_Crap. You idiot. How presumptuous can you be? What made you think she'd want to spend the night alone with you_?

"Is that alright?" I asked anxiously.

_Please say yes_.

"Well... sure, except for one thing."

_What thing? Oh, God – have I messed up again? Why couldn't I just hear her thoughts? What thing_?

"What thing?" I blurted out, staring at her worriedly. A smile tucked at the corner of her lip.

"Why didn't Alice tell Charlie you were leaving _tonight_?" The small grin had widened to a full smile that lit up her beautiful face and put a twinkle in her eyes.

_Oh_.

I was flooded with relief. A small laugh escaped my lips, and I leaned forward to claim her mouth for a kiss.

"I didn't think of that when I asked Alice to arrange for it," I answered honestly. "There probably wouldn't have been enough time to plan it that way, not without arousing Charlie's suspicion.  
I lowered my voice and whispered seductively. "But I will tell you this – I am very much looking forward to spending time alone with you. Just you and me." I pulled her closer against me, almost a little too roughly. Bella inhaled sharply, and I smiled, bringing my head in closer proximity to hers, gazing into her beautiful eyes, locking them to mine.

Our lips met slowly, gently moving together. Bella's arms wrapped around my neck, my hands snaked to her waist, and I pulled her flush on top of me. She melted against me, and our kiss deepened. When she needed to breathe I moved my mouth to her neck, gently kissing the hollow under her ear, her lobe, nuzzling my nose against the pulsing artery that held the tantalizing fluid representing her humanity. I wanted to languidly run my tongue up her pale throat to taste her, but settled for close-mouthed kisses instead, gently pressing my lips to her jaw, her chin, and ending in another kiss on those plump lips that made me forget what I was, and roused the human man inside me.

Her heartbeat skipped, then sped up, her breaths became faster; little pants of air that pushed her scent into my mouth, where I could taste her essence on my tongue, and it stoked the fire in my throat. Her breathing turned to small mewls when I moved my lips back to the side of her head, laying a trail of kisses to her ear, and flicked the tip of my tongue over her earlobe. Bella closed her eyes, her long, dark lashes brushing against her cheekbones.

"Edward," she moaned softly, burying her small hands into the hair at the nape of my neck, turning her head slightly to kiss my cheek, my chin and every spot on my face she could possibly reach. My own eyes fluttered closed, and I moved my mouth back to those luscious, full lips, kissing her passionately. Her mouth opened just a little and she pushed her fiery tongue against my bottom lip, and my own mouth fell slightly open; the tip of my tongue met hers. Electricity shot to the juncture between my legs, and my manhood twitched as if shocked.

I knew I should stop this from progressing but couldn't find the will. The fragrance of her arousal filled the air and floated into my nostrils, bringing on a thick haze that engulfed my mind.

Trying to fight the fog, I noticed that my hands had moved from her waist without my permission; one roaming across her back, slipping underneath her shirt to touch the bare skin, the other firmly wrapped in her long tresses, securing her lips to mine. Her hips no longer immobile, she began to wiggle them back and forth, rubbing her pubic bone across my disobedient and delighted manhood. I felt fluids rushing to my groin, pooling in my member. Her moving pelvis created the most delicious friction, and suddenly my pants were too tight.

My eyes flew open. I could not allow her to feel the hardness of my length against her – that would be utterly outrageous, considering I was a gentleman, and I certainly didn't want to give her the impression that I was some sort of villainous monster who lusted after her gorgeous body.

Which, of course, I did.

Badly.

My century-old moral code was knocking on the window, trying to find a way to fly out.

The carnal beast rattled at the cage door, licking its lips in anticipation, snarling at me to take what I, and it, wanted so desperately. To take Bella, and claim her as mine, give myself to her, find my own personal heaven sheathed inside her. The repressed monster gave a hard pull on the chains, but they held, and I growled at the sex fiend, willing it to move back into its assigned corner.

I moved my hands back to her waist to still her movements, and tore my mouth from hers. We were both breathing harder than usual. Her heart was racing, pumping frantically. She looked dazed.

"Bella," I whispered, struggling to catch my unnecessary breath. "We have to stop." I slid her warm body off me and rolled us both, until we were lying on our sides, facing each other. The depth of her eyes drew me back in, and I cradled her against me.

"I don't want to stop," she muttered, glaring at me. I chuckled at the familiar response, and answered truthfully.

"I don't either, sweetheart, but we have to get to the clearing. It's time to go."

It didn't take me long to get us there, but we were still the last to arrive. It was nearly a full moon, and Rainier field was softly lit by the light of the distant moon, shining through thin, hazy clouds. If it weren't for the reason we were here, it would have been a very romantic setting. Carlisle and Esme were standing off to the side, holding hands, deeply connected in quiet, loving communication, and I let them have the privacy they deserved.

Alice was chatting with Rosalie, while they were both lounging on the ground, and Emmett was mock-fighting with Jasper. Both of them were laughing. There was a chorus of mental recognition from the four of them, as I stepped out of the trees, Bella slung on my back.

The mutt and his two friends sat in wolf form at the edges of the clearing, spaced apart to be able to watch the action from different angles. All three of them looked up as we approached, and he-who-must-be-neutered threw me a glare.

"_Why did you bring her? Why couldn't you let her sleep? Stupid bloodsucker_."

Did the fleabag not know that Bella insisted on coming here with me? That she absolutely refused to be left behind?

A quick sweep of their minds showed anticipation, revulsion, burning noses from our scent, interest, admiration – their thoughts were all over the place. The remaining pack had stayed at the reservation – with their connected minds, they hadn't seen the need to all join us again. Sam had sent only Jacob Black and the two others, even though Jacob had offered to go alone.

"Where are the rest of the wolves?" Bella asked.

"They don't all need to be here. One would do the job, but Sam didn't trust us enough to just send Jacob, though Jacob was willing. Quil and Embry are his usual... I guess you could call them his wingmen."

"Jacob trusts you," she stated simply.

I nodded once. "He trusts us not to try to kill him. That's about it, though."

"_You got that right, leech_."

I did not appreciate his intrusion on my private conversation with Bella and threw him a quick glare.

"_Oooh, scary_."

I suppressed a sigh, and decided to ignore him. Bella squeezed my hand. "Are you participating tonight?" she asked, sounding hesitant, fearful.

"I'll help Jasper when he needs it. He wants to try some unequal groupings, teach them how to deal with multiple attackers." I shrugged. Bella's heartbeat sped up, and I quickly glanced at her face. The guilt was evident. Did she regret asking me to stay with her? Would she change her mind at the last minute?

Jasper looked at me questioningly. "_What's with the sudden guilt? Is she still hung up on asking you to stay with her_?"

I nodded. That was the most likely reason. I kept watching Bella's face and saw her eyes wander from my family to the wolves, ending on the filthy mutt. His mind registered the look, and his mouth fell open in another doggy smile. His thoughts were happy all of a sudden. He was thinking of the way she had felt in his arms the previous night during our test to obscure her scent trail, and the sudden jealousy erupted inside me. He was remembering her soft body in his strong arms and spun off into a fantasy starring Bella and himself in a compromising situation, until the mental whines of his two friends interrupted his vile musings.

"_Ew, Jake, cut it out. That's just gross_."

"_Come on, man. Nobody wants to see that_."

Both assessment were entirely accurate, in my humble opinion.

He must have noticed that Bella's return smile wasn't quite as genuine, which made him get up and trot over to where we were standing.

"Jacob," I greeted him. He ignored me completely, rude as always, and sat down in front of Bella, cocking his head, studying her face.

"_What's the matter with you_?" A small whine accompanied the thought.

I was about to translate, when Bella spoke. "I'm fine. Just worried, you know."

"_That's really stupid. What's there to be worried about_?" He kept staring at her, as though she could hear him.

"_You gonna translate, bloodsucker_?" he muttered impatiently inside his head.

"He wants to know why," I murmured. There was no way I would use the same words he'd thought. That was no way to talk to a lady. He clearly did not have proper manners. Perhaps he needed a lesson or two. His rudeness was grinding on my nerves.

The overgrown pup growled at my words, annoyed that I hadn't repeated his words. I fought a smile.

"What?" Bella asked, looking at me.

"He thinks my translation leaves something to be desired. What he actually thought was, 'That's really stupid. What is there to be worried about?' I edited, because I thought it was rude."

The corners of Bella's lips moved upwards, but she didn't smile. "There's plenty to be worried about. Like a bunch of really stupid wolves getting themselves hurt."

All three wolves barked a laugh.

"_Edward, I need your help for a moment_, _would you mind_?" Jasper called silently.

I sighed, knowing I had offered him my assistance, reluctant to leave Bella alone with the mutt. "Jasper wants help. You'll be okay without a translator?" I looked at her, expecting her to ask me to stay.

"I'll manage," she replied.

I felt dismissed and stared at her for a long moment, fighting the jealousy that the dog's thoughts ignited, wondering if she was telling me the truth, or if she was acting out of guilt. I studied her face, and tried to find the answer in the deep lakes of her eyes. She seemed comfortable enough around her furry friend, and I certainly hoped that he wouldn't try anything inappropriate while surrounded by seven vampires.

"_Yeah, go on, leech_. _You heard her_," he sneered. I gritted my teeth at the insult as I turned and quickly made my way to Jasper. I kept an eye on Bella, and listened to their conversation. I had no shame, not when it came to her.

She sat down on the cold, hard ground, and I hissed in displeasure as I saw the shivers that ran down her spine. The dog wanted to get closer to watch, but looked back at her after taking a step towards where we were standing. He actually whined from indecision, torn between wanting to get closer to the action on the field, and using this chance to be close to Bella. If I hadn't been so jealous, it might have been funny.

"Go on without me," Bella said to him. "I don't want to watch."

That was odd – I wondered why she'd come with me. And then it dawned on me – she knew I wouldn't leave her home alone, unprotected. She knew that one of us would have to stay behind to watch over her, and it seemed likely in that moment that she was forgoing sleep to give us every opportunity to learn as much as possible to prepare for the upcoming battle. Again, I was awed by her selflessness.

The mutt had decided to stay by her side, noticing that she was uncomfortable, and laid down beside her with a rumbled sigh.

"I'll stay. Quil, Embry – make sure you catch everything you can when that bloodsucker begins his instructions."

They evidently agreed, and despite Bella's protest to the contrary, encouraging him to go head, he put his head on his oversized paws. When she shivered again, he scooted closer to warm her. The fire of jealousy burned inside me. He was providing for her in a way that I could not, and it made me feel useless.

"You with me, Edward?" Jasper asked. "Come on, focus. I wouldn't have called you over here if I didn't need you."

"Sorry, I was distracted," I replied. Rosalie snickered. Carlisle and Esme both suppressed a smile. Alice laughed. Emmett guffawed.

I felt like a fool.

"No kidding," Jasper smirked. "Shall we? I want you and Emmett to come at me from two sides, straight on, slowly though, so I can give you instructions how to fight off more than one at a time. Okay, guys, you see what I'm doing here? Don't let them come at you from the front, stay out of the way, don't let them get their strength to bear against you. Twist, turn, step – whatever you need to do to avoid getting crushed."

He continued his instructions, and I tried to focus, I really did, but my mind kept wandering off to check on Bella. She was leaning against his side now, pulling her fingers through his fur. He was humming contentedly, enjoying the feel of her against him. I snarled under my breath.

"_Edward, control yourself_," Alice hissed silently. "_We gain nothing by antagonizing them, and you know he'll enjoy seeing you jealous_."

Damn little pixie was right, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't want her touching him, nor did I approve of his close proximity to her. Whether he was in his furry form or not, I didn't want any part of him touching her.

I dedicated a portion of my mind to keep track of their conversation while Jasper kept changing the groupings, showing us how to evade a frontal attack. "The newborns will not be capable of anything but a direct attack. They won't be cunning – at least not to the extent a mature vampire could be... "

"You know, I never had a dog," Bella said, sounding wistful. "I always wanted one, but Renée's allergic."  
The mutt laughed in response, his body shaking.

"Aren't you worried about Saturday at all?"

"_Don't be stupid, Bella_." He turned his head and rolled his eyes. It was such a human gesture, and felt out of place on such a horse-sized dog.

"I wish I could feel that positive," she told him, and it clarified to me that despite my assurances she was still very worried about one or more of us getting hurt. The pup leaned his large head against her leg, and I instinctively growled.

"_Edward_!" Alice hissed again. "_Focus_! _She's fine_."

Easier said than done. Bella reminded him of the plan, of him carrying her to the hiding spot, and that it might be a long hike for him, again proving that she didn't quite understand the capabilities of the wolves. He would have no problem at all carrying her, no matter how far. And it was only about nine miles. The wolves were strong. Thankfully so, in this particular situation.

He barked a laugh. Bella leaned closer to him, resting her head against his neck. They no longer spoke, but he had resumed his contented humming, and I hated him for it. I begrudged him his warmth, his ability to warm her, and I wished my skin were not so freezing, so I might be able to warm her myself.

Bella stared at the moon, the look on her face pensive. I wished I could know what she was thinking. In order to distract myself, I returned my attention to Jasper's instruction, and focused on helping my family as best as I could to be ready for battle.

**A/N:** What say you? Click on that green button to let me know. Reviews make me giddy!


	22. Covenant

**Author's Note: **As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are naturally based on the Twilight Saga.

This 22nd chapter is called "Covenant". Bella tries her hand at seduction. Edward, overwhelmed by having his heart's deepest desire within reach, agrees to her new condition and manages to get that ring on her finger.

FFn is having issues - and I had to cheat to get this posted. My doc wouldn't upload, so I replaced the words in another chapter to get this posted. I will fix this when I can.

A **HUGE THANK YOU** to all who have read and reviewed the fruits of my labor of love. Please do continue to show me the love.

Please remember that this story is rated M for a reason. If you have sensitive eyes that don't deal well with the occasional cuss word or a little bit of lemonade, this story is not for you.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The fabulous Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes. All the time. Day and night.

The song for this chapter is "Surrender" by Depeche Mode.

**22. Covenant**

Dawn.

Timid streaks of daylight were slowing pushing the night away. Bella was asleep in her bed, curled up against me, as I stretched out on the narrow twin-sized mattress, and tucked the covers around her once more. She had been sleeping more peacefully than the night before, her dreams not haunted by red-eyed monsters and impending doom. At least, her nocturnal mumblings had given me that impression.

We had returned to her house shortly after midnight. The second training session had gone quite well, as far as our progress was concerned. The two wolves the mutt had brought with him had watched us with much interest, as Jasper explained patiently how to deal with multiple attackers in our preparations to stand against the newborn army. Bella's furry friends were still committed to aiding us in the battle against the neophytes.

Jasper and I had also fleshed out our plan to lay a trail of Bella's scent to the clearing. That would take place tomorrow. My family was leaving today to hunt before the fight, and I had, with Alice's help, arranged for Bella to spend a long weekend at our residence. I was already anxiously waiting for nightfall – when Bella would spend a whole night with me, alone in my house, without prying ears, and I could hardly contain my excitement. I planned to focus on us – just the two of us. Listening to music, perhaps playing the piano for her, watch a movie or two, and talk to her about college, moving to Dartmouth, our future together and whatever else we chose.

One thing I didn't want to discuss was the newborns, and the threat that hung over her head. For one night, I wanted to concentrate on the love we shared. Only love. I never got to really spend time with Bella, at least not alone. There was always someone else around, either a house full of vampires, or a father who distrusted me with his daughter's happiness, or an annoying and unwelcome flea-ridden dog intent on taking my place in her heart. He would not be a topic of discussion either. I was finally believing my own epiphany. Bella was mine, as I was hers.

Forever.

And I could finally admit that part of me wanted her to go through with her choice. Perhaps not right away – I wouldn't mind if she waited another year or two, go to college, have a few more human experiences before she gave up her humanity for me. And I would change her myself, as I had offered. If she married me first. But I had nearly lost Bella twice. I knew what it felt like to live without her, and I never wanted to experience that kind of agony and pain again. I wanted to keep her with me, by my side, until the end of time.

It was time that I honored her right to make this choice, whether it marked me as a selfish bastard or not. The likely price was her soul, but over the last few months, I had come to realize that someone as good and pure as Bella might not lose her soul in the searing pain of the transformation. That her soul, the embodiment of her purity of heart, her internal beauty, would not be condemned to the eternal flames of the inferno, if I took her humanity away. Long conversations with Carlisle had nearly convinced me.

I had taken a good, long look at him – at this own struggles to come to terms with what he had become, his compassion for all sentient creatures, and contemplated that perhaps he still had a soul. He was not a murderer – he had never taken a human life for his own satisfaction, his own thirst.

I was. I had. Numerous times. Yes, they had all been the very dredge of humanity – murderers, rapists, abominable in their own ways, but I had killed them nonetheless, and glutted myself on their blood. I had played God, until I had fallen from my throne like Lucifer himself. There was no redemption for me when judgment time came, but surely Carlisle, the epitome of compassion, and the man I modeled myself after, would not burn in the pits of hell.

I would. There was no hope for me.

Bella's words after our return from Italy pushed themselves into the forefront of my mind. "_If you stay, I don't need heaven_."

I smiled to myself. The day of my epiphany was still clear in my mind. The day I realized fully that Bella loved me the same way I loved her, that the intensity and perpetuity of her feelings for me rivaled my own for her. Occasionally, I still had doubts – and I struggled with them more than I cared to admit. The mutt was thoroughly convinced that Bella returned his romantic feelings for her, but if she did, I was not privy to that. I couldn't read her mind, no matter how hard I tried to push at the barrier in her head, and I did not know whether his assumption was true. I doubted it, though. Bella had assured me that her feelings for him did not go beyond friendship, beyond loving him like a brother.

I still burned with intense jealousy every time he was near her. The fire that raged through me in those moments was infernal, nearly uncontrollable, and I had to remind myself again and again that she loved me, that she was mine.

The way he had scooted too close to her the previous night, protecting her from the cold in a way I could not, had reminded me of my shortcomings, my limitations. I had briefly toyed with the idea of skinning him and turning him into a wolfy fur coat for Bella. At least, that way he'd serve a continuous purpose, though in all honesty, even then he'd be a reminder and that was the last thing I wanted. It was bad enough to see his representation dangling from her wrist.

Perhaps, when my mother's diamond heart was dangling there as well, would it be easier to look at the small wooden wolf he had carved. This thought spun off a new direction. Bella had agreed to let me gift her with a small piece of my inheritance, a hand-me-down, as I had to call it. I'd have to make sure that she did not realize that the heart was actually a real diamond with perfect clarity, free from any inclusions, colorless and nearly five carats, in a yellow gold setting. I still had the necklace from which the pendant had hung, adorning my mother. If Bella found out, she'd refuse it, I was certain, and as much as it pained me to go back on my promise, in this one instance, I would lie through my teeth and claim it was just a crystal, nothing of much value. Perhaps I'd get lucky, and it wouldn't come to that.

The thought of having to lie to her made me cringe.

"Edward... mmm... love you, Edward... always... " Bella mumbled next to me, and my grip tightened around her, embracing the warmth that she radiated, and that heated me up from the inside out.

And just like that, I was happy again.

"I love you, too, my Bella." The whispered words fell from my lips like a promise. "Forever."

God, how I loved her. She was the epitome of all that was good in my life, and I loved her more than I could adequately express.

An hour later, Charlie woke and rolled out of bed. I ducked into Bella's closet when he opened the door to check on her, and promptly resumed my position next to her when he went downstairs. After his morning coffee, he scribbled a note for Bella to not worry about dinner, and left it on the kitchen table, before walking out to his cruiser and driving off to work.

I nuzzled my nose in Bella's hair, inhaling her scent, layered with the fragrance of her favorite shampoo. The fire burned, flames licking at my throat, but the monster who had lusted for her blood did not stir. There was no temptation for that side of my nature to come out and play. That particular monster had been banished long ago, conquered by the love and devotion of the girl lying next to me. I supposed it was the unexpected beauty of her love that killed the beast.

The beast that represented the repressed, virginal seventeen year old boy was another matter entirely.

I gave myself over to my fantasies while the object of my lust slept peacefully and unaware of my depravity, lying innocently next to me. She was so beautiful, so perfect, so magnificent.

Thanks to Alice's assistance with getting Bella ready for prom, I had gotten glimpses of Bella's body through my sister's eyes – small snippets of long, creamy legs, a flat stomach, soft mounds clad in a woman's undergarment, a firm bottom covered by white cotton panties – part of me was ashamed to have peeked at Bella's half-naked body, but those images had fed my fantasies. Perverted as they were, I couldn't stop myself from daydreaming about the day when I might be so honored to call her my wife, and be allowed to see her as God had made her, free from covering fabrics. Be allowed to run my fingers all over the silky skin, cup my hands around the swell of her breasts, flick a thumb across the hardened peaks. Travel slowly down her stomach, tease the sensitive bud at the apex of her legs, and sink my fingers into the moist folds of her sex, exploring the heat of her womanly passage.

My pants were suddenly too tight.

I ran a hand down my throbbing length to adjust myself, hissing at the pleasurable sensation, and then my hand kept moving on its own. I was feeling utterly wretched for my deplorable action yet wishing fervently that it could be her small hand touching me there. My eyes closed, and my hand pressed against my erection, rubbing shamelessly up and down the hard shaft of my manhood. I realized in that moment that while Bella was sleeping and not interacting with me in any physical fashion, the monster did not awaken, and make his demands known.

The sudden insight set off a myriad of emotions.

Elation – it was safe to touch myself.

Disgust – I was utterly depraved for touching myself.

Shock – the pleasure was unimaginable and unprecedented.

Grief – for not being able to experience this pleasure with her, at least not until after the change.

Horror – an unfamiliar pressure began to build in the pit of my groin, and I knew enough to realize what that meant.

I checked on Bella quickly, but she remained asleep.

My hand had seemingly developed a mind of its own. I began to pant in time with my strokes, still unable to stop rubbing my length. Bella moaned softly next to me, and the sound reverberated through my frozen body, shooting electric signals to each nerve ending, and making each cell tingle.

_Stop. _

_Must stop_.

_Damn it, stop_!

_Fuuuck_!

Dignity flew out the window. My mind was screaming silently, but my hand seemed to be completely disconnected from my brain. I was forced to watch helplessly as my palm moved in fast, even strokes, and the pressure mounted inside me. The pictures of Bella that my mind conjured up suddenly changed, and against my will, I was imaging her naked, glorious body writhing above me as I thrust up my hips, my pulsing manhood encased deep in her heated core, over and over, while my fingers dug into her hips, holding on to her for dear life. In my mind, I rocked against her, fast and hard, deeply sheathing myself inside her, as she moaned in ecstasy, threw her head back and cried out my name. "Edward... "

At the same time, Bella whimpered sensuously next to me. "Mmm, Edward... need more... please... "

I inhaled sharply at the sudden sound. The heady aroma of her arousal hit my nose and the carnal beast broke through the chains, charging out of the gate, running towards its intended goal.

_Get out, get out, get out now_.

I was out the window, on my knees in the backyard grass, not two seconds later, hastily unbuttoning my jeans, and gripped my painfully throbbing length, pumping erratically up and down, my hips thrusting forward in time with my strokes, faster and faster, until stars appeared behind my tightly shut eyes, bright fireworks exploded around me, the coil unwound, and I was twitching and pulsing with the first ever release of my memory, spilling bursts of fluid into the damp grass. The force of it threw me backwards, and my free hand dug into the grass. Shuddering violently and panting uncontrollably, I clamped my teeth into my lower lip to prevent the snarls and growls of my orgasm from bursting forth as I climaxed, harder than I could ever have imagined, for the first time in my existence as a vampire.

_Holy mother of God_.

_What the hell just happened_?

My faculties appeared to have taken the same route as my dignity. I lay there, trembling, trying to catch my breath for what seemed like hours, but in reality, only a few minutes passed. There was a thick haze surrounding my senses, and my whole body tingled with electricity. After the shock of my explosive orgasm wore off and I returned to normalcy from this unfamiliar state of bliss, I buttoned up my pants and sat in the grass with my head in my hands, feeling horribly guilty, wretched and ashamed. I had let the fantasies go too far. I had let the situation get completely out of control, and it was only thanks to a small shred of sanity, that I had been able to leave Bella's room instead of exposing myself to her for the revolting monster I was.

In broad daylight, on top of everything else. Granted, I was in the backyard, invisible from the street, but the thought hadn't even crossed my mind at the time. The battle between my mind and my hand had taken up every portion of my brain, and my other senses had been completely shut off. I had put myself in a very dangerous situation.

Never mind the utter depravity of my involuntary actions.

The phone buzzed. I flicked it open without checking, already knowing who would call me at this time, considering what had just happened.

"What?" I snapped, the shame and guilt making me lash out irrationally.

"Hello to you, too," my little sister said. "Are you okay?"

I clenched my teeth, trying against my better knowledge to avoid the inevitable, and boldly lied. "I'm fine. Is there a reason for your call?"

"Maybe... well, yes. I'm sorry, but I couldn't avoid seeing... "

I hung my head in defeat. "Of course not," I spat out, dejectedly. "What do you want?"

"Edward, I could see you sitting in the grass outside of her house. Is that where you are now?"

The mortification set in, full force, and my breath escaped me in a fast hiss. "Yes," I whimpered into the phone.

"Do you want to talk?" she offered.

"Not particularly," I managed, just wanting to get off the phone and wallow in my shame and guilt.

"Edward," she said firmly, having noticed the strain in my voice, it seemed, "there's nothing to be ashamed of. What you did is perfectly normal, especially considering that it has been a long time coming, no pun intended. And under the circumstances, you should be proud of yourself."

I was instantly furious. Was Alice insane? What I had done was utterly despicable. "Proud?" I snarled into the phone. "Have you lost your mind, Alice? What would I possibly be proud of? I just behaved like a complete deviant, a villainous lecher without any morals... " I broke off when I heard the sound of whooshing through the phone. "Are you running? Are you on your way here?" I asked incredulously. She didn't respond.

"Answer me, Alice, or I swear I will rip your head right off your skinny little neck... "

Idle threats, I knew, because in that instant I picked up the sounds moving through the forest, two sets of feet, and the thoughts of the little pixie and her husband.

I snapped the phone shut, indecisive for a moment, wondering if I should just run instead of facing my siblings after my horrible deed. Jasper was already reaching out, testing my emotions, cringing when he picked up on the self-loathing and shame that was engulfing me. He hesitated for a moment before sending a short burst of soothing calm my way. It took the edge off, but only barely.

"_Edward, relax. It's no big deal. We just want to help. Alice is concerned that you might do something rather irrational_."

_Relax_.

I snorted. Easy for him to say. He hadn't just intimately rubbed himself to climax next to his sleeping human girlfriend, and utterly ruined any chance of redemption he might have had. I felt humiliated and dirty. I wanted to rip off the hand that had committed this terrible deed. I stared at it with menace, cursing it for not listening to me earlier when I had commanded it to stop moving.

_I'm losing it. I've sunk so low I'm now arguing with body parts_.

Moments later, the two of them arrived, stepping out of the misty haze that lingered amidst the tree trunks of the darkened forest, in the middle of the scene of my latest unforgivable crime. I had not moved, nearly frozen in mortified silence, and the proof of my vulgar misdeed was still splayed in the grass, a faint, sickly sweet scent emanating from the milky liquid that I had so forcefully ejected from my body.

Both of them chose to ignore the results of my self-ministrations, and Alice enveloped me in a hug as soon as she reached me. A shudder rippled through me as her arms closed around my torso.

"_Edward, honey, it's alright. You didn't hurt her, and that's all that matters_."

"Honestly, Edward, you should have done _that_ long ago. The sexual frustration that's been coming off you lately has been hard to bear," Jasper tried to comfort me with teasing words, but failed completely.

I glared at him furiously, lightning spitting from my eyes. "_Please _tell me that you are not serious. This was perhaps the most despicable act I have committed in a very long time."

His response was an eye roll. "I see that stick up your ass is still firmly lodged," he remarked dryly, "I'd thought that after your little escapade here it might have been at least partially removed. God knows it's time. Of course, you are a master at self-flagellation."

I opened my mouth to tell him what I really thought of his ridiculous statements, but didn't get a chance to let loose a sarcastic response.

"Hush!" Alice chimed in before I could speak, glaring at her husband and me. "Stop it, both of you. Edward," she implored, "What you did is perfectly normal and expected. You have repressed that aspect of the physical side of our nature for so long. How much longer did you think you'd be able to stay abstinent now that you're mated?" She looked at me, chiding me gently. I averted my eyes, unable to meet her gaze.

"Edward, look at me. This has been building for a very long time. You've lived nearly a century, you labor under a very prudish moral code, and I _know_ that you are frightened and confused, and beating yourself up over it. You have got to stop that. Bella wasn't harmed, you channeled your needs in a way that didn't hurt her."

I didn't respond. Intellectually, I knew that Alice was right. Emotionally, I wasn't buying her argument. Sex was sacred – it was supposed to be an act of love and should happen only within a sanctioned union. And self-love was just plain wrong – a deviant act, a desperate deed.

I knew that most human teenage boys manipulated themselves to climax on a daily basis – I had seen it in their thoughts too many times to count over the decades. Of course, I had always thought myself above those baser needs, holding out for that one perfect moment when both Bella and I would lose our virginity to each other – after we were married and she was changed. It certainly seemed that I had been very wrong about that, indeed. Alice did have a point, though – I had managed to avoid harming Bella.

Bella! She was still asleep upstairs or so I hoped. My mind immediately conjured up images of a repulsed Bella, staring at me with contempt after waking up and realizing what I had done. I was in the tree a split-second later, staring at the beautiful girl who held my heart and my life in her hands. She was still sleeping. I sighed in relief.

"What are you doing, Edward? We are not finished here," the evil little pixie commanded. "Get back down here."

"Alice, if you don't mind," I hissed. "Give me a moment. I just want to make sure she's alright."

"Oh, don't give me that. I know exactly what you're worried about, and you can get your butt back down here now. She won't wake for another thirty-nine minutes. We'll be done with this little intervention by then," she quipped with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at her but scooted back down as instructed. Damn little imp. Jasper grinned.

"_I'm gonna stay out of it, Edward. I'm just here to keep her company_." I simply glared at him.

"Now," Alice said, taking a deep breath when I had reached solid ground again and stood next to her in the backyard, too close for my liking to the scene of my evil deed. She was glaring at me. "You need to get it through your thick skull that masturbation – don't you dare cringe at that word, you prude – is perfectly acceptable, especially in your unique situation. You may want to find a more private location for it, but I'll leave that up to you. If you could but for a moment stop behaving like an utter idiot, you might see that this,"she waved her hand at the glistening liquid prominently displayed on the wet grass, "was actually a good thing to happen. Do it more often."

Jasper silently agreed. "_Yeah, man. Do it as often as you need to. You can't keep those urges down for long, and I'm sure you'd rather not hurt your girl, wouldn't you_? _It may have been different when you were alone..._ " There were images in his head that I would have preferred not to see, but it was clear that his reason for showing them to me was to help me get over my humiliation and shame. "_It'll take the edge off, Edward – trust me_."

Alice had the audacity to grin. I swallowed the growl bubbling in my chest and realized that they both were right. The carnal beast was quietly sleeping in his cage, the sexual frustration was down to a much more manageable level, having finally been given an outlet. Carlisle had given me much the same advice a few weeks ago.

Naturally, self-love was still against the rules of my moral code, but I could see that it would be a justifiable exercise, aiding me in my endeavor to keep Bella from any and all harm, even when that harm came in the form of my own desperate urges. I had conquered the temptation of her blood. I would conquer the carnal beast just the same, and if it meant going against what I knew to be proper, so be it, as long as it kept Bella safe.

Tonight could have turned into a disaster. I would need to carefully monitor my frustration level, and take the necessary steps to prevent an escalation to a point where I was no longer in control. That I could do.

For Bella.

With newfound determination, I lifted my eyes to my sister and smiled timidly. "I'm starting to sound like a broken record, I suppose, but thank you. Both of you." Alice beamed.

"_Any time, Edward_."

I turned my gaze to Jasper, who was leaning against the tree trunk, smirking at me.

"_Glad to see you're feeling better_."

"Yes, I actually am," I said, grinning sheepishly, "thanks to the two of you. I just have one request, if you don't mind."

"What's that?" he asked, while Alice began to giggle.

"Don't tell Emmett what happened here tonight. Please? I don't think he needs any more ammunition. And I certainly don't want him to say anything in front of Bella, as he's bound to do. That would be more than just mortifying."

Jasper laughed. "Yeah, I can see that might worry you. And though it might do you a world of good to be exposed to his ribbing, I promise not to tell him. Good thing he doesn't have your talent, or I would not be able to keep it from him."

I groaned. "I hadn't even thought of that. Are you telling me I'm going to have to listen to you go over this conversation again and again in your mind?"

"Hell, yeah," he laughed, "just look at it as your incentive to stay out of my head."

Alice's chirping laugh was the final blow. "Good one, Jazz. I just might use that, too, from now on."

I sighed. "I guess I deserve that."

"Yes, you do," she grinned. "Now go back up there and take care of my little sister. I can come back later today so you can go home and change – if you like. Just let me know. To keep up appearances, she'll have to drive that dilapidated truck to the house. But you can drive with her. She can pick you up at the corner. I've already seen that it will work to keep Charlie in the dark."

"I love you, Alice," I smiled. "You're the best sister I could ever have wished for."

"Yeah, yeah," she replied, "scoot already before she wakes up and finds you gone. I'll see you later." With that, she grabbed Jasper's hand and began to pull him back into the shadows of the trees. "_Bye, Edward,_" they both said, smiling at each other, the intentions forming in their minds matching the other's. I skipped out of their heads quickly.

Soon after, they were both gone, on their way to their usual private spot in the woods, one that I studiously avoided whenever they were there.

I ran to the spigot at the back of the house and pulled the hose from its resting place, turning on the water to remove the remnants of my earlier act. When I was finished, I returned the hose, careful to make it look exactly as it had before, wiped the dirt of my jeans and climbed back into Bella's room, sitting in the rocking chair, settling in to await her waking from her slumber. She looked like an angel.

As Alice had predicted, Bella woke up at the exact time of her vision. She stretched out lazily before opening her eyes and turning her head to search for me. By that time, I was already kneeling next to the bed, smiling at the love of my life. I gently stroked her cheek with my fingers and she leaned into my touch.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty. Did you have pleasant dreams this time?" I realized how suggestive I had just sounded when Bella flushed scarlet and her heart began to beat rapidly.

_Oops_.

"S-sorry," I stuttered, mentally slapping myself, relieved that I was unable to blush because my face would have been redder than hers. "I meant, did you have any more nightmares? You weren't talking much last night."

"Uh... I don't really remember," she mumbled as she threw back the covers and got out of bed, moving towards the door. "Gimme a human minute. I'll be right back."

She nearly ran out of the room, and I felt like a complete idiot for my stupid comment. I crawled onto the bed, sinking into the mattress, and absorbing the heat her body had left behind. I buried my nose into her pillow, inhaling her essence, which made my throat burst into flames, and accepted the fire as punishment for my stupidity. From the bathroom, I heard the sounds of running water, the commode flushing, and Bella brushing her teeth. She returned shortly thereafter, her face no longer brilliantly red.

She pulled jeans out of the closet and a t-shirt from the dresser, eying me carefully when she laid the clothes on the bed. Color crept into her face again as she lifted the hem of the holey t-shirt she wore to bed and raised it up slowly. My jaw dropped. I stared at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking. Satiny skin expanded into view and my breathing hitched.

_Holy crap. What is she trying to do to me_?

"I'll head downstairs to fix you some breakfast," I announced hurriedly, tearing my eyes off her exposed stomach and getting off the bed quickly, moving towards the open door. "I'll wait for you in the kitchen so you can change." I turned and fled down the stairs. Bella sighed.

I pulled a bowl out of the cabinet and poured her favorite cereal for her. When I heard her coming down the stairs, I poured the milk into the bowl and set it on the table, next to the spoon she would need. I then sat down in Charlie's chair, waiting for her to come into the kitchen. "Your father left a note for you," I said, gesturing to the slip of paper on the counter as she entered through the door. She read it quickly, before crumbling it up and tossing it into the refuse can.

"What are we doing today?" she asked between mouthfuls of cereal while I stared at her luscious lips, fascinated into immobility by watching her close those lips around the spoon, and in my mind's eye, seeing them close around a certain body part of mine instead.

_What the hell is wrong with me_?

_I have completely gone off the deep end_.

_You fucking pervert_.

"Edward?"

I instantly chastised myself and moved my eyes to hers, answering the question I had barely registered. I had to clear my throat before I was able to speak. "Well, considering that I'm supposed to be out of town, there isn't much we can do today, except for hang around the house. Perhaps you'd like to watch a movie? I could probably manage to make you some microwave popcorn," I smiled at her crookedly. "Or, I wouldn't mind helping you clean the house, if you'd prefer that."

"Ugh," she replied. "I do have to clean, but I like the movie idea better."

"So do I," I admitted, "but the sensible course of action would be to get the cleaning done first." I winked at her. "You know with my super vampire speed, we should be done quickly."

Bella laughed as she got up and washed out the bowl in the sink. "Alright, let's get it done, then. You can take the bathroom while I do the kitchen. Supplies are in the cabinet under the sink."

I grabbed her as she walked past me and pulled her in for an embrace, kissing her lips softly as she melted against me. "Deal," I said, releasing her. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Show-off," she muttered as I flew up the stairs, chuckling. The bathroom was gleaming when I went back to the kitchen a mere ninety seconds later.

"All done," I announced, wiping my hands against each other, a huge grin on my face. "How are you faring, my love?"

She glared at me and huffed, "Fine. Since you're already done in the bathroom, you can go and collect the laundry from my room and Charlie's."

"As you wish," I grinned and went back up the stairs, grabbing the dirty clothes from the hamper in Charlie's closet and making my way to Bella's room. When I opened her hamper, I was greeted by a pair of her undergarments and instantly froze. Those must have been the ones she wore the night before during her special dream. The remnants of her arousal had seeped into the fabric and immediately hit my nose upon pulling up the lid. There was no way I would touch them, even though I really wanted to.

A tiny voice in the back of my mind advised me to put them in my pocket to be used for future justifiable exercises in managing my sexual frustration level. My wretched hand was already extending itself towards the cotton fabric. I snarled silently, snapped the lid shut instead and grabbed the whole hamper to take it downstairs. I was not a panties snatcher.

I deposited the hamper and Charlie's laundry in front of the washing machine before going back to Bella for another assignment. She was wiping down the kitchen counters when I walked in and smirked at me.

"The laundry awaits, my love," I announced. "What else can I do for you?"

"Let's see," she said, putting a forefinger to her lips. "You could dust the furniture in the living room, and perhaps vacuum the carpet."

"Give me a rag and whatever else you want me to use, and I'll do it. The sooner we're done with this cleaning endeavor, the sooner we'll find ourselves in front of whatever movie you decide to choose for us." I leaned in to steal a quick kiss, as she handed me a dustrag and a can of furniture polish.

We finished cleaning quickly after that, and after she had started the laundry, Bella put all the supplies away.

As promised, I made her a bag of microwave popcorn, and she handed me a bowl. It smelled all kinds of nasty, and the whitish, puffy kernels did not look appetizing at all. I couldn't remember ever having eaten any popcorn in my human days, and it certainly didn't tempt me now. How anyone could choose to eat that was beyond me, but Bella liked it, and that was all that mattered.

We settled in front of the TV, stretched out lazily across the sofa with my feet dangling off the seat, spooning Bella's soft body, one of my arms under her neck, the other draped over her waist, her tiny feet on top of my legs, one hand grasping mine with fingers intertwined. She had chosen to put on a copy of the 1995 version of Wuthering Heights, that she had borrowed from my family's collection. It was unfortunate that the various scents of the cleaning supplies still hanging in the air marred the loveliness of Bella's unique fragrance, a temporary problem that was resolved as soon as I buried my nose into her hair and inhaled deeply.

I grimaced at having to watched the film version of the ghastly book, but Bella liked it, and I had found recently that I was able to sympathize with Heathcliff, though I still didn't like the methods he employed to exact his revenge. His jealous rage however was very understandable. He had, through others' machinations, lost his true love.

This particular version was actually fairly well done, but my focus didn't stay on the dreary moors for very long. Instead, I nuzzled my nose on Bella's exposed neck, pressed gentle, close-mouthed kisses to the hollow underneath her ear and exhaled over her skin while her breathing sped up and her heartrate increased. She pressed her back closer against me as I slowly started to move my hand across her waist and onto the shirt-clad expanse of her flat stomach, drawing intricate patterns across the fabric with my fingertips, all the while pressing small kisses to her neck.

"You are distracting me," she huffed breathily and turned her face up to mine. I chuckled. That had been the general idea. I kissed her cheek.

"Am I?" I asked, unabashed, eyes gleaming, capturing her gaze with a crooked smile and stopped my movements. "I'm terribly sorry. As you were."

I refocused my eyes on the TV screen, leaving my hand splayed out over her stomach, laughing inwardly as her face slipped into the familiar frown as she, too, turned her eyes back to the movie. Every so often, her free hand would pop a puffed kernel or two into her mouth, and I watched with fascination as her jaws moved to chew on the popcorn. She obviously had no idea how erotic it was to me to watch her eat.

Interestingly and certainly unexpectedly, my manhood did not stir once, though her firm bottom was pressed into my loins. It seemed that my morning escapade had actually aided me in keeping my misbehaving groin under control. Just as Alice and Jasper had predicted. Just as Carlisle had advised. No irrepressible urge for debauchery. It was a relief not having to deal with my not so little problem, at least for now.

We continued to watch in silence, as Heathcliff left for parts unknown, Catherine married his rival and had a daughter, through Heathcliff's return as a rich man and the start of his vengeful machinations, until Bella's breathing became slow and even and I realized she had fallen asleep. Her hand dangled off the couch, and I carefully reached down to pull it up, concerned that the blood might be pooling in it and cause her pain when she awoke. Once her hand was safely positioned on the couch next to her chest, I began running my fingers gently through her luscious locks, separating the strands carefully and reveling in the scent that my movements set afloat.

I called Alice to let her know that she didn't need to come over and watch over Bella so I would have time to run home to change. I'd lurk around the woods behind Bella's house, or in her bedroom, during the time when Charlie would be home. Alice was appreciative. They were leaving soon to hunt.

I could hardly wait for the night to fall when I would have Bella all to myself in my house, without the intrusion of her father, without my family hearing every whispered word. It would be the perfect opportunity to present her with my mother's diamond heart charm, as Bella had already agreed that hand-me-downs were acceptable as gifts.

I pondered if instead I should repeat my previously botched proposal and try again tonight, properly this time, and gift her my mother's engagement ring instead, but Alice had not seen any progress on that end when I had mentally decided on it, and had advised me to wait a little longer.

The diamond pendant, it would have to be. For now. Alice had not seen any problem when I had made that decision. I could hardly wait.

Bella napped for little over an hour, while I watched her sleep. When she awoke, she yawned widely. "Sorry," she mumbled when she opened her eyes. "I didn't realize I was so tired."

"Don't worry about it," I chided her gently, "you lost a lot of sleep time over the last two nights, and it's perfectly okay that your body needed to catch up." I smiled at her and kissed her temple as she turned her head. "Besides, you know I don't mind watching you sleep. I find it rather enjoyable."

She positioned herself to face me. "I don't think I'll ever understand how you can. I'm not all that interesting."

"Oh, I beg to differ, my sweet girl. You are the most interesting person I have ever met in my life. And most importantly, for purely selfish reasons I might add, your adorable sleeptalking is my only way into your head. You cannot imagine how it warms my frozen heart whenever you whisper my name in your slumber. I was so privileged to hear your very first 'I love you' while you slept. You have no idea what that did to me, Bella... " I broke off, remembering the first night I spent in her room, with her knowledge. The next words fell from my lips without my usual filter. "To hear you say those three little words – they opened a whole new world to me. I was already so deeply in love with you that night... to hear that you reciprocated my feelings... that you loved me... something I'd never even dared to hope for... it was indescribable."

Bella blushed, the blood rushing to her cheeks. "Yeah, well, I do."

"Don't be embarrassed, please," I begged. "I adore you and everything about you."

She buried her face in my chest and didn't respond. I sighed silently, thinking that I should have kept my big mouth shut. She was so easily embarrassed when I declared myself, but I often struggled to keep my feelings bottled up to spare her the blushes that would usually ensue.

I changed the subject quickly. "What time will you be heading to the house tonight? Alice said something about after dinner, but judging by your father's note you won't have to cook for him. So – if you like you could come over sooner."

"How do you know what the note said? Did you read it?" she asked, staring at me intently, her brows furrowed. She looked almost angry, but I couldn't be sure since her eyes weren't blazing like they usually would.

I tapped my forefinger against my temple. "No, love, of course not. I heard when he wrote it before he left."

"Eavesdropping again, Edward?" she teased, and I knew then that she wasn't upset with me.

"Just keeping an eye on him, so to speak, so I'd have enough time to hide in your closet when he decided to check in on you." I winked at her. "We wouldn't want him to find me in your bed, would we?"

"Definitely not," she groaned. "Okay, so I'll stay until he gets home and head over to your house after. I guess I'm driving myself, seeing how you're supposedly out of town?"

"Yes, that would be best. Alice can't pick you up, since they are leaving town shortly to go hunting. I'll be hiding when Charlie gets home, and when you leave, I'll be waiting on the corner down the street. It'll be twilight by then so there won't be a problem with someone seeing me. I'll even let you drive us to the house. " I grinned at her. She smirked right back at me, knowing how I hated that death trap her father had bought for her upon her arrival in Forks. Especially when I considered that the dog had tinkered with it, and that his atrocious stench still lingered in the cab. Of course, I hadn't mentioned that to Bella. The truck, old and decrepit it may be, was a better alternative than her misguided idea about motorcycles and riding them.

I'd be replacing that rust bucket as soon as she married me.

"Okay. Oh, I almost forgot. I need to call Angela to see if she wants the concert tickets." Bella got up and walked to the kitchen to call her friend. I stayed in the living room and eavesdropped shamelessly on her side of the conversation. It seemed that Angela was delighted and would be over shortly to pick up the tickets. Bella then called vile Mike Newton at his parents' store, to let him know that Angela would drop by later to give him the two additional tickets, and suggested that he invite Jessica.

I grimaced a little. Here she was, selflessly giving away the concert tickets she had bought as a graduation present for Alice and me, and now she would not be able to go, instead trying what she could to get those humans that meant most to her out of town to protect them from the newborn army. It was a futile and completely unnecessary action on her part, but she wasn't deterred. I supposed it made her feel less helpless. I hated that she felt that way. She was so strong emotionally, much stronger than I had given her credit for, and to my eternal shame, much stronger than I would have been if our situation had been reversed.

The doorbell rang not a half hour after Bella had made herself a quick lunch. Ever conscientious, she waited to answer the door when I heard Angela's intruding thoughts until I hid in the upstairs hallway. They talked for a few minutes about graduation, the party, college plans while I silently and impatiently tapped my foot, and then Angela excused herself, saying she needed to get going. Bella handed her the envelope with the tickets, and after a loud and long thank you, her one human girl friend was gone again. When the door closed, I was already next to her and pulled her into my arms as she sighed deeply.

"Well, that's one task down," she said into my chest. I put a finger under her chin and gently pulled her face up to kiss her. Bella wound her arms around my waist when I leaned my forehead against hers, cupping her cheeks with my hands.

"Bella," I started, gazing intently into the depth of her chocolate-brown eyes, knowing that my intense stare would make her heart skip a beat and her breathing speed up. When she was sufficiently dazzled, as she had called it long ago, I pleaded with her shamelessly. "I need you, Bella, just you. And for tonight, I would like us to concentrate on just us, just the two of us. Ignore everything else. No interference, no worries, no fear. Just us. I want to feed you dinner, listen to music and hold you in my arms all night. Talk about us, share in what we feel for each other. I love you. Can we do that, Bella?"

I heard her breathing hitch, and the blushing heat crept into her face. "Hmm... what?" she mumbled and I realized that my intention to dazzle her into agreeing had backfired.

She hadn't heard a word I'd said. I swallowed a chuckle and pulled back a little to try again. "For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me? It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you."

The blush intensified. "I'd like that," she whispered, never breaking the eye contact. Relieved, I leaned down to kiss her again.

"Thank you."

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly after that. We went upstairs so Bella could take a shower while I waited for her, lying on her bed, and then, wrapped in her bathrobe, with her hair still wet, she packed her bag for the weekend, for which she threw me out of her room and unmistakably told me to wait downstairs. I obliged, wondering why she'd have to pack in secret, and contemplating my little sister's shenanigans of keeping me out of her head so much lately.

I was suddenly a little afraid that Alice might have supplied Bella with inappropriate clothing, designed to weaken my stance on our boundaries, but I quickly realized that the little pixie would never place her best friend in danger, even when the possible harm would, in a situation like that, come from me. I breathed easier again.

Bella came down after her shower, her lean yet soft body dressed in a pair of blue jeans and flowing shirt that enhanced her curves very nicely and made me lick my lips, which she noticed, to my utter shame. I cast my eyes down, feeling guilty for gaping at her, when she giggled and handed me her overnight bag. I placed it by the front door, planning on taking it out to the truck before her father returned home. Bella had blow-dried her long hair, and the shiny strands flowed around her face and cascaded down her back. I was unable to stop myself from running my fingers through the luscious mahogany locks when I captured her in yet another embrace.

"You are so beautiful."

Bella blushed at my words, her skin still warm from her shower, her hair smelling like the strawberry shampoo she favored, her unique scent enhanced by the hot water that had cascaded down her body just a short while ago. I inhaled it deeply, relishing the bouquet like someone would a fine wine.

I couldn't get close enough, couldn't touch her enough lately, and while she seemed to clearly enjoy my increased attention, it also made me feel terribly guilty for lusting after her in such a shameful fashion. My body was out of control, whatever hormones may have been left over from before my transformation in sudden, full bloom, all concentrating on her. I had to remind myself often that a gentleman did not treat a lady that way, and kept his wandering fingers to himself. None of this was proper until after marriage. If only she would agree. I could hardly wait to ask her again, but after my first and utterly disastrous attempt, offering to change her myself if she married me first, having resulted in a non-commitment answer, I was worried that she would not consent even if I asked her in the most romantic fashion my mind could come up with. I was relying on Alice to tell me when the timing would be right, and so far, it hadn't been. Especially now, with the newborn battle looming ahead, the danger Bella was in – no, the proposal would have to wait until all that was over, and had been taken care of.

Five-thirty came, and with it Charlie and the pizza he had promised to pick up in his note. I hid in Bella's bedroom while they sat down for dinner, and wallowed in my thoughts.

I still felt guilty for agreeing to change her. She would be giving up so much, so many things I could never give her, and she deserved all of them. Growing old together, children, even the act of making love – so many human experiences she would never have if she went through with the choice she had made.

Her choice. My own words served as a reminder that this _was_ her choice, and that as of our return from Italy, my say in the matter had been reduced to pitiful attempts at delaying her. Her change. Perhaps I needed to stop referring to it in that manner, as if the transformation would actually change Bella. Certainly, her physical appearance would be different – her skin paler than what it already was but impenetrable, her beauty enhanced, though how that would be even possible was beyond me, and her eyes would be as red as fresh blood – and she would be as strong and indestructible as we all were. Unbreakable – a vampire trademark I was very much looking forward to. For purely selfish reasons.

Perpetually thirsty for blood, a smoldering burn always licking the back of her throat, never fully satisfied with the animals we hunted. But becoming a vampire would not change _who_ Bella was – her selflessness, her inner strength, her gentle disposition, her personality, her love for me – all that would reemerge after the newborn year, and I would be by her side to guide her through it all. Rightfully so. As her husband.

My long-dead heart's deepest desire.

"So, Billy called me at the station," Charlie said downstairs after his first three slices of pizza, glancing at Bella toying with the one slice that graced her plate. "Invited me over for early Saturday, for a fishing trip. Wants to go out on the ocean. He's gonna borrow old Quil Ateara's boat."

"Sounds like fun, Dad."

"Yeah. I'll probably stay for the game after. When will you get home from your weekend with Alice?"

"Not sure, exactly. Either Saturday night, or Sunday. I guess it depends on when we get back from shopping." I was watching her through Charlie's eyes and saw her shudder slightly at the mention of her supposed shopping trip, playing her part perfectly in the charade we had devised to keep Charlie safely in the dark about the supernatural creatures that were all around him. He chortled quietly when his mind registered her adverse reaction.

"Okay. Call if you don't make it home Saturday."

"Sure, Dad."

That was the extent of the conversation, and with one fell swoop, Bella had managed to give herself another night at my house, if she so chose. I was elated. Shortly thereafter, I heard her get up and clean up the dishes. The back door opened, and I heard the lid of the trashcan being lifted and closed again.

Charlie had moved to the couch in the living room. Bella said her goodbyes to him, as she grabbed the bag by the door. And finally, she wrenched open the front door and stepped outside into the cool evening air to take the few steps to her decrepit vehicle. As Charlie was firmly glued to the TV, I saw no need to run to the street corner, instead scaling down the side of the house and getting into the truck as she twisted the key in the ignition. The old Chevy engine rumbled to life, and we were off, a huge grin nearly splitting my face in half for a moment.

My night alone with Bella had finally arrived. She drove slowly, but she seemed rather nervous, her heart beating more rapidly than usual, her eyes glancing over to me, her fingers occasionally tapping on the steering wheel, as if she were impatient to get to the house, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why she would be either nervous or impatient. Granted, this would be the very first night we'd spend together completely alone, but she knew as well as I did that aside from our rather chaste kisses, and tentative, safe touches, nothing untoward would happen, so that could not possibly be the reason.

Perhaps she was apprehensive about the gift I had promised her, so I resolved to not make a big deal out of it once we got to our destination. I'd mention it, give it to her, and be done with it.

The drive over was quiet, neither of us speaking, and I kept wondering what she might be thinking about, if perhaps her mind was still occupied by the upcoming fight against the newborn army. I had tried to assure her as much as possible that there was nothing to worry about, but my attempts had fallen short.

With each glance, her cheeks were coloring slightly and her heartbeat increased and fell again when she returned her eyes to the road, giving me hope that perhaps she was not focused on the battle ahead of us, but instead on what I had asked of her – that we spend the night concentrating on each other.

Bella smiled and glanced at me when she reached the driveway, seeming to be proud that she had found it on her own. I grinned back at her.

My excitement grew exponentially.

When she pulled up to the front of the house, the lawn was illuminated by the lights coming from the house, each window lit from lamps that my family had left burning for her. Rain glistened on the grass, and it was quiet. There were no invading thoughts, and I would be able to completely focus on the love of my life sitting next to me. As she shut off the engine, I rounded the vehicle and opened her door. I gently pulled her into my arms and lifted her from the cabin of the truck, grabbing her bag with my other hand and slung it over my shoulder. My foot found the truck door. Bella raised her face to mine and I claimed her mouth instantly, wasting no time, my lips moving urgently against her, her scent filling me with passionate want as I cradled her in my arms and walked her through the open front door, shutting it with a flick of my foot. I hoped against hope that one day I would be able to repeat that simple action and carry her across the threshold as my wife.

I could not stop kissing her, just stood there in the front entry and let my lips convey how much I loved her. Bella's hand buried into the hair at the nape of my neck, and her fingernails began to scratch over my scalp. The tingling sensation shot through my entire being, and my arms wound around her more firmly, holding her tightly against me, my mouth moving to let her breathe, kissing her cheek, her jaw and down her neck, and back to her lips again. My lips parted minutely, as did hers, and I inhaled her hot breath into my mouth as I flicked the tip of my tongue across her plush bottom lip. The taste was divine. The fire burned in the back of my throat, but my rampant desire was not for her blood, but for her warm body in my arms. My addiction to her was as strong as ever, but where her blood had been my very own brand of heroin in the beginning, my preferred drug was now the scent of her arousal, the soft skin of her cheeks, the luscious lips that had become swollen with the fervor of our kisses.

I was thrilled, elated, to have her all to myself, and continued to kiss her for several minutes until her heart fluttered rapidly. Reluctantly, I pulled away and smiled at her, imagining her in the white dress and veil from Alice's vision. My bride.

"Welcome home."

She was breathing hard, trying to recapture the air I had taken from her with my kisses, trying to come down from the high of our lips silently talking.

"That sounds nice," she replied softly, returning my smile, still a little breathless. My silent heart swelled, unable to contain the joy her simple statement roused in me.

We were five miles away from the road, and though I usually hated that Bella's mind was barred to me, tonight I was glad for it. There would be nothing and no one disturbing us. For once, while there was complete silence in the house, I appreciated that I could not read her thoughts.

I set her on her feet carefully, and immediately her arms found my waist. She seemed unwilling to let there be any space between us. I smiled to myself as she pressed her heated cheek into my chest and held her as close as she seemed to want me. I kissed the top of her head before I spoke, making my tone casual, though inside I was shivering with excitement.

"I have something for you." I couldn't have stopped myself from blurting out a quick mention of the gift upstairs even if I had wanted to. Instantly, I felt embarrassed to be so eager, so exposed. My need was making me vulnerable, and it gave her even more power over me than I already knew she had. I had to rein myself in, and stop making a complete fool of myself.

Not an easy undertaking. She owned me, body and mind. All of me, the good and the bad. I was like putty in her small, warm hands, soft and bendable, shaping myself to her will.

"Oh?" Bella replied into my chest, making the word sound like a question. I pulled back and cocked my head a little as I stared at her, wondering if she was being deliberately obtuse, or if she truly had forgotten that she'd already agreed to allow me to present her with a gift.

"Your hand-me-down, remember? You said that was allowable." I looked at her expectantly.

A hint of reluctance flashed across her face. "Oh, that's right. I guess I did say that."

Her disinclination was just as evident in her tone of voice. I chuckled again, unable to keep the amusement hidden. "It's up in my room. Shall I go get it?" I flashed her a brilliant smile. I still sounded much too eager, but couldn't help myself. Her next move surprised me.

"Sure," she said as she entwined her fingers with mine and started to pull me towards the stairs. "Let's go."

I stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out where her sudden enthusiasm had come from. Not willing to look a gift horse in the proverbial mouth, I simply went with it and scooped her up into my arms, flying up the stairs to my room. After opening and walking through the door, I carefully set her on her feet again, and then ducked into my closet, opening the treasured box of mementos I had from my human life. Keepsakes I wouldn't have, had it not been for Carlisle, who gone back to my old home after changing me and gathered these things from my room and my house.

It also held a very worn bottle cap from my first lunch with Bella.

Beneath the picture of my parents, amidst an old baseball signed by Shoeless Joe Jackson in 1916 when my father had taken me to see the White Sox play, a children's book that my mother had read to me each night, my parents' wedding rings and some faded ticket stubs, I had stored the diamond heart pendant that hung from my mother's neckline for as long as I could hazily remember, shining brilliantly in the sunlight. I extricated it from the necklace on which it hung, and returned to Bella, smiling at the expression on her face.

She had yet to take a step in the short amount of time it had taken me to get the pendant, but now she brusquely walked past me and stalked over to the bed, where she proceeded to wiggle her way into the middle of it, sitting down and pulling her arms around her legs. Her face, her whole body language was reluctant again, silent demurring in her expression. My frozen heart fell slightly when she looked at me apprehensively, but I knew how adverse she was to gifts so her demeanor didn't actually surprise me – it just hurt a little.

"Okay," she mumbled glumly, "let me have it."

I forced a laugh, making it sound natural and amused when I climbed on the bed and settled next to her. Her heart skipped a beat. Nerves, I figured, and reminded her that she didn't need to worry about the amount of money I had spent.

"A hand-me-down," I said, perhaps too severely, but I needed her to let me do this. Though it was not the engagement ring I desired more than anything to bestow upon her, I'd been wanting to give her this pendant for a long time, day-dreaming about the diamond adorning her elegant neckline but never finding the right time to make it hers, and though it nearly put another fissure in my dead heart that I had to stoop so low as to guilt her into accepting it – I needed her to have this. It was a start, I thought to myself.

In my estimation, the pendant was a perfect emblem of myself – a frozen heart, hers to keep forever, reflecting the light of the sun, harder than stone and cool to the touch. It could not radiate warmth, but it was filled to the brim with eternal love for her.

I gently took her left wrist into my hand, my fingers twitching towards the carved symbol that already dangled from the bracelet, and carefully affixed the diamond heart to the silver links on the opposite side of the wooden trinket, as far away from it as possible. The stinking dog's face flashed through my mind for an instant, and I amused myself with the thought that he could only wish for a night alone with Bella, though I hated the fact that he had beaten me in getting her to accept a gift.

I banished the thought just as quickly. I'd be damned if I let him intrude on this moment. This was _my_ moment. My night. She was mine.

I moved the bracelet so the diamond would be face-up as I returned her arm to her. Bella looked at the pendant and gasped audibly as it glittered on her heartbeat sped up and the rapid flow of her blood intensified her scent.

"It was my mother's," I shrugged to give her the impression that this didn't mean much, though on the inside, I thought it was only fitting that the diamond heart would now adorn my love's beautiful features; the priceless gem traversing from the woman who had birthed and loved me as a human to the one whose love, like a saving grace, had made my lost humanity come back to life.

And if I hadn't known that it would embarrass Bella to no end to hear these words, I would have spoken them aloud.

"I inherited quite a few baubles like this," I added lightly, my tone deprecating, though I could barely control my excitement. "I've given some to Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way."

Bella lips curved up in a smile, a hint of regret in her features. I didn't understand the reason for the expression, whether it was from guilt for being so difficult about presents, or from guilt that she was allowing me to add to a gift from her furry friend, so I decided to simply continue with my explanation, elaborating on my words from our previous conversation when I had gained her approval for this gift.

"But I thought it was a good representation. It's hard and cold." I laughed when I thought about how fitting this gift truly was.

_Just like me_.

"And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."

_Just like me_.

"You forgot the most important similarity," she murmured, and I could hear the repressed emotions in her voice, though she didn't look at me, still staring at the small gem that now hung from her wrist. "It's beautiful."

_It's nothing compared to you, my love_.

I would never forget the day I had dared to show myself to her in the bright light of the sun, sparkling like a circus sideshow freak. Her easy and loving acceptance of me had tipped the scales, finally, and banished the monster that wanted to claim her blood.

Caught up in the moment and overcome by the feelings in her tone, my own emotions spilled over. "My heart is just as silent," I reflected, undeserving still that she had accepted both so willingly, "and it, too, is yours."

Bella turned her wrist to fully capture the light of the overhead lamp illuminating the room, gazing at the pendant. The diamond shimmered incandescently but was outshone by the luminescence of her nearly translucent skin covering the pulsing veins underneath.

"Thank you," she said, her voice heavy with genuine gratitude. "For both." She flashed a brilliant smile at me and my heart swelled.

"No, thank _you_," I told her quickly. "It's a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too." My return smile was wide. As soon as she consented to be my wife, and had married me, all my worldly possessions would be hers, too, and I would happily try to give her everything her heart desired.

_Everything money can buy, you mean_?

I ignored the voice in my head, but I had to admit that there were things for which no amount of money would be enough. The priceless experiences she deserved to have, as a human. The very ones I would be taking away from her upon her change. I stifled a sigh.

Bella, oblivious to the inner workings of my mind, leaned forward and curled into my side, ducking her head under my arm. Immediately, my arms wound around her shoulders and pulled her to me, and for a moment I was simply relishing the peace, the respite from the stress of late, the quiet togetherness. Here in my arms, she was safe and protected, and I could almost pretend that there was no danger, no threat to her life.

"Can we discuss something?" she said softly, gazing at her hand touching my chest. Her pulse quickened. "I'd appreciate it if you could _begin_ by being open-minded."

I felt the moment slip away and was hesitant to give her an affirmative answer. For Bella to begin a conversation this way did not bode well. If what she wanted to discuss required me to be receptive, I already knew it would likely be something I would not be in favor of. I decided to give her a half-answer. "I'll give it my best effort."

"I'm not breaking any rules here," she hastened to assure me, and I was unsure what rules she was referring to. "This is strictly about you and me."

Oh. We _had_ set that rule, I supposed, that this night would be just about us. I settled in to listen, giving her the benefit of the doubt. Bella cleared her throat, and the hesitancy displayed in that action made my heart constrict. No, this did not bode well at all.

"So... I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night I was thinking I would like to apply the same principle to a different situation."

She seemed nervous, her speech stilted and formal, so unlike her usual demeanor. Her heartbeat had sped up again, and there was a fine sheen of dew building on her forehead. I wondered what she was thinking, what had her so nervous all of a sudden. And I had clearly succeeded in alleviating her guilt in asking me to stay with her during the fight, considering that she was now referring to my willing consent as a compromise. That alone made me happy, and there was a smile in my voice as well as on my face when I responded to her.

"What would you like to negotiate?"

Bella was silent, her lack of breathing and her rapid heartbeat causing me to become concerned. "Listen to your heart fly," I stated, anxious now. The physical reaction from her body was signaling stress. What had her so worried all of a sudden? "It's fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. Are you all right?"

She raised her eyes to mine and inhaled quickly. "I'm great."

I wasn't buying it, but I demurred. "Please go on then," I said encouragingly.

"Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing."

"It's only ridiculous to you," I retorted, disgruntled at her choice of words and I felt the venom pool in the pit of my stomach. "What about it?"

I had wondered when she would bring that up. Did that mean she had decided on whether to accept my proposal? And what did she mean, ridiculous? Did she perhaps think I would go back on that condition?

"I was wondering... is _that_ open to negotiation?"

_What? No. No way_.

I was not going back on _that_.

It was her choice to become one of us, but if she wanted me to be the one to initiate her change, that condition would stand. It was my only ace in this game, my only hope at gaining my heart's deepest, most selfish desire. To claim her as my own, in front of the world, the proof on her left ringfinger for all to see.

Though if I was honest with myself, I cringed every time at the thought of letting another vampire's teeth near her, even if it were Carlisle's. I felt very possessive of her, needing her to be mine in every possible way, and I wanted it to be my venom that would infect her and initiate the transformation. My venom that would be coursing through her veins, burning everything in its path, and my body that would intake the small amount of blood from each bite. She was mine, damn it.

I could still remember the divine taste of her blood on my tongue, like ambrosia, nectar from the gods. Suddenly, unexpectedly, thirst flared high for the very first time in months, my throat burst into infernal flames and venom flooded my mouth unchecked. I swallowed it down hard, scared and confused for a moment.

No! I would not give in to the monster I had locked up so long ago. Banishing the memory into the deep recesses of my mind, I focused on the fragile, beautiful girl clinging to my shirt. I looked at her more sternly than I meant to.

"I've already made the largest concession by far and away – I've agreed to take your life away against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part."

"No." Bella shook her head determinedly. Her face appeared composed, but I could see some underlying emotion in her eyes, one I wasn't able to pinpoint. Her heart was still fluttering.

"That part's a done deal," she continued without pause. "We're not discussing my... renovations right now. I want to hammer out some other details."

Though I had to suppress an involuntary chuckle at her humorously innocent choice of words to describe the painful transformation she would have to endure to become like me, her words didn't match her demeanor. I looked at her, suspicion forming in my mind. She still hadn't agreed to my condition, and I wondered if she wanted to talk about how Carlisle would initiate the change, and perhaps when and where.

"Which details do you mean exactly?"

She hesitated for a moment, and her deliberate delay only served to fuel my apprehension at this new turn of events. The peaceful night I had envisioned crumbled under the nervous tremors of her heart.

"Let's clarify your prerequisites first," she hedged, and I very nearly glared at her. There should not be any question as to what I had asked of her.

"You know what I want," I spat harshly, and I could begin the first flames of disappointment lick at my insides. The small tenant of hope that I had carried in my heart, the promise of Alice's vision, fluttered its wings once more and was smashed into dust by her answer.

"_Matrimony_." The word fell from her lips as if it had burned her tongue. Her disdain of that coveted institution would have been funny, if the tone with which she delivered it had not stung so badly. I smiled widely through the pain that suddenly shot through me. We had only talked about it once since the night I'd presented her with this option, and I hadn't elaborated that day what else marriage would entail. She obviously hadn't either. Perhaps if she had more information, she would not be so dead-set against it. She composed her expression.

"Yes," I confirmed, "to start with."

My words seemed to cause a seismic disturbance inside her as the forced composure was wiped from her face and replaced with an expression that could only be described as complete shock.

I nearly laughed.

"There's more?" she gasped.

I decided to start off easy. "Well, if you're my wife, then what's mine is yours."

It already was. Everything I owned, everything I had – it was all hers.

_Easy, Edward. Start slow_.

"Like tuition money," I continued. "So there would be no problem with Dartmouth."

Bella scoffed. "Anything else? While you're already being absurd?"

There was nothing absurd about my statement, but I did have more requests. "I wouldn't mind some _time_." Delaying her was still near the top of my list, but I knew I was fighting a losing battle on that end. As expected, her denial was instant.

"No. No time. That's a deal breaker right there."

Did she really think of it as some sort of deal we had made, some contractual arrangement? I sighed and pressed on.

"Just a year or two?" That at least would give her a chance to go to college, have that human experience before I took her humanity away.

She shook her head, stubborn as usual, her mouth set in a determined frown. "Move along to the next one."

"That's it," I confessed when another thought flashed through my mind. Had I not just pondered this earlier? "Unless you'd like to talk cars... "

A nice Audi, an A4 perhaps. She wouldn't like anything too ostentatious, so an A8 was out of the question. Something safe though, still speedy, easy to handle. Rosalie would tinker with it, make some safety modifications, if I asked her to. The cost of the car would be but a drop in the bucket.

My mind spun off into a vision of Bella behind the wheel of a shiny new vehicle, the glossy paint perhaps the same blue I loved so much on her, and I nearly didn't realize I was grinning widely, when Bella grimaced at me. My smile faltered a little.

I picked up her left hand, my fingertips gently stroking around her ringfinger, my mind imagining my mother's ring adorning the fragile bone, enhancing the luminescence of the skin it would surround, glittering in the sunlight and shouting to the world that she had chosen _me_.

I blinked to dispel the image. Her answers meant that there was something else she wanted from me, and I had no clue as to what it might be. The burning curiosity set me on the edge of a knife's blade, but I already knew that I would give her whatever she desired. If only she'd tell me.

"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself. I'm extremely curious."

Her eyes tightened when I said 'monster', but then her gaze fell to our hands. I watched her carefully, and saw the sudden heat creep into her face, radiating outwards and I was surprised, confused. What could she possibly want that would induce this reaction? Her heart, having slowed down considerably during our previous discussion, suddenly sped up again. I raised my other hand and gently stroked her cheek.

"You're blushing?" I asked, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice. She wouldn't look at me. "Please, Bella," I prompted her, "the suspense is painful."

She bit her lip instead, the blood pooling underneath her cheeks and heating up my fingers where they brushed against her skin.

"Bella." My tone was slightly reproachful. I didn't have any idea what she would ask of me, and the waiting game was beginning to be tiresome. It set off a fire inside me each and every time, and she knew it, too.

"Well, I'm a little worried," she finally spoke, "about after." She raised her head up and looked at me. I tensed at her words but gazed deeply into the chocolate pools and understood the apprehension that reflected in them. Of course, she'd be concerned about the crazed newborn phase that we had touched on timidly during a few occasions, but I would be there with her, each step of the way. I mentally cursed the fact that she would have to go through this for us to be able to stay together the way she wanted us to. As I wanted us to.

"What has you worried?" I asked her gently, hoping I'd be able to assuage her fears, realizing that she really didn't know too much about it yet.

"All of you just seem _so_ convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in, afterward, is slaughtering everyone in town," Bella said, and I winced at her choice of words, silently cussing out Rosalie and her exceptionally big mouth, whose mention of the insipid wager my brothers had going had put these thoughts into Bella's mind.

_Thanks a lot, sister mine_. _I should have ripped out your voice box when I had the chance_.

_Damn you, too, Jasper and Emmett, and your stupid bet_.

Bella dropped her eyes again. "And I'm afraid I'll be so preoccupied with the mayhem that I won't be _me_ anymore... and that I won't... I won't _want_ you the same way I do now."

There was a hint of tears brimming along the rim of her lashes that I could see even though she kept her eyes downcast, and I hastened to assure her. "Bella, that part doesn't last forever." Besides, I would be there with her for all of it.

"Edward," she started and stopped, and the blush crept up her face again, and down her neck, engulfing even her ears. The staccato of her heart resumed, even faster than before. "There's something I want to do before I'm not human anymore." She whispered the last few words.

I had never seen her blush like this, and I was oddly shaken to see her so nervous. Waiting for her to continue, I pressed a quick kiss onto her hair. She still held my hand in hers.

After another moment, the waiting became unbearable.

"Whatever you want," I promised, hoping this would encourage her to continue.

"Do you promise?"

"Yes," I replied simply. I would give her anything she asked for, anything I could get for her. She raised her eyes to mine, and I saw longing in there, but I didn't know what she was longing for. "Tell me what you want, and you can have it."

_Anything for Bella_.

"You." She mumbled the single word so quietly that I nearly missed it.

_Wait. What_? _She is asking for me_?

"I'm yours," I said with conviction, but I still wasn't sure what she was really asking for. Bella turned her eyes away once more, and disconnected me from the only way I had to figure out what she could possibly be thinking.

With a deep breath, her heart still strumming with rapid velocity, she raised herself to her knees and wrapped her arms around my neck. Her full lips opened slightly as she pressed them against mine. I automatically kissed her back, but my mind was racing. There was an edge to her kiss, an urgency that I had never felt from her before. Electricity shot straight to my groin.

I reran her words through my mind. "_I'm worried about after. Not human anymore. There's something I want to do."_

What did she want? It was apparently obvious to her, but I was utterly clueless. Her hot hands, shaking slightly, snaked down my neck, across the collar and fastened on the top button of my shirt, nimbly pushing the plastic disk through the hole, and moving down to the next one, opening it as well

"_There's something I want to do..._"

_Holy shit. _

_Could she... no... is she? Of course not... oh, my God, she is_.

_She is asking for..._

I couldn't even think the word.

_Oh my God._

_How could you not see that coming, you idiot?_

I froze instantly, in complete disbelief of her disregard to all my previous warnings that any physical intimacy between us could only lead to grave injury and her eventual death. I was also utterly disgusted with myself for not realizing sooner what she was asking for. Pushing her back, struggling to be gentle, aware that my face showed my emotions, my own frustration colored my words.

"Be reasonable, Bella."

Inside me, the desire raged.

_I want that, too. God, how I want you_.

"You promised," she insisted. "Whatever I wanted." Her voice didn't not hold hope, for good reason. She knew this would be utterly impossible, and I would never risk her life for my own selfish needs. Even a monster like me had a limit.

"We're not having this discussion." My voice was firm, and I was scowling at her as I quickly fastened the two buttons she had swiftly opened while my mind was otherwise occupied, mentally kicking myself for not having worn a sweater instead.

Bella snapped her teeth with an audible crack. "I say we are," she growled and roughly opened the top button of her blouse. Her hands were no longer trembling, and in her anger, her heart rate dropped considerably.

Unwilling to allow her to open her shirt any further, my leering eyes ungentlemanly drawn to the sliver of skin she had already exposed, I took her wrists in my hands and moved them to her sides, effectively restraining any further unbuttoning attempts.  
"I say we're not," I stated, my voice flat. My tone allowed no further argument, but she defied me anyway. Her eyes were spitting fire and mine were blazing in kind as we glowered at each other.

"You wanted to know." She was magnificent in her anger, as she pointed out my foolishness.

"I thought it would be something faintly realistic." Instead, she had chosen to ask for the one thing I could not give her. The price for her hand in marriage was now completely out of my reach.

Apparently, she was not giving up. Eyes blazing, she began to snarl her words, dripping with sarcasm. "So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing _you_ want – like getting _married_ – but _I'm_ not allowed to even _discuss _what I---"

I grabbed both of her hands in one of mine, and clamped the other over her mouth, cutting her off. This had gone far enough, and I was done with this conversation. Her argument was childish, and I could feel myself getting angry with her, an extremely rare occurrence, but I quickly realized that it wasn't anger as much as disappointment. Both with her and myself.

I wanted to give her what she asked, I wanted to make love to her but I also knew that even the attempt would kill her. In my world, only bloodlust trumped the desire for physical love. Eighty years with my family had taught me that much. And even if I didn't kill her during the act itself, my venomous semen would surely poison her. She would lose so much more than just her virginity, and would hate me afterwards. I could live with a lot of pain, I had even gotten myself to the point where I agreed to take away her soul in exchange for an eternity with her, but her hating me was the one outcome I would not survive.

"No."

End of discussion.

Bella drew a trembling breath behind my hand, and her head dropped down, breaking our eye contact. The heat crept up her face again, and her whole posture took on a look of despair. I moved my hand to her chin and lifted her face back to mine, wanting to see in her eyes what she was trying to hide from me.

"What now?" I asked, none too gently. I felt emotionally drained by our argument, and the peaceful night of whispering sweet nothings in her ear, the contentment I had hoped for, was now utterly ruined. I didn't know how much more I could take.

"Nothing," she muttered in reply.

I sighed angrily. This guessing game was wiping me out. I stared at her, scrutinizing her expression, saw the tears shining in her eyes while she tried to twist her head out of my grasp. Her breathing hitched a few times. Anger turned to sheer horror when I saw her blinking rapidly, trying to stem the moisture from spilling over, and when I looked deeper I saw anguish and shame.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" I asked, incredulously trying to reconcile what I saw in her face.

"No."

_Yes. Yes, you did, you callous jerk_.

_Make it better_.

_Do it now_.

_Now_!

I quickly pulled her into my lap and gently pressed her head against my shoulder, cradling her in my arms, my thumb stroking her cheek, trying to comfort her in her pain.

_What have I done_?

_You rejected her, you stupid ass_.

_But..._

_Explain yourself_.

"You know why I have to say no," I murmured against her hair. "You know that I want you, too."

More than she would ever know. More than I would ever be able to tell her.

Doubt rang in her voice. "Do you?"

Did she still not know the appeal she held for me, and for so many others?

"Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl." I spit out a laugh. The line for her affection was at least a mile long, he-who-must-be-neutered at the very front. "Doesn't everyone? I feel like there's a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake," and I already had made a tremendous one last fall, "you're too desirable for your own good."

"Who's being silly now?" she scoffed.

A smile tugged at my lips. "Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you."

There was more than one dog, though the stinking fleabag topped the list, and some of the local human troglodytes had made their intentions known on more than one occasion. The icing on the cake though had been our English teacher's substitute, a young man fresh out of college, whose wicked thoughts had earned him more than the occasional glare from me. He thankfully had not been around for very long.

Bella also had no idea how many of the now thankfully dispersed male student body had been lusting after her. And to my utter shock and disgust, there had been even two sophomore girls who had looked at Bella with appreciation and desire.

Yes, the list was long, and I was lucky to have earned Bella's love and affection. I wasn't about to lose it now. Not over this.

Bella shook her head. "You're just trying to distract me. Let's get back on the subject."

I sighed. Apparently, my suffering was not over yet. She seemed to have planned this conversation for a long time. I'd had no idea.

"Tell me if I have anything wrong." There was an underlying fire in her voice that betrayed the calm expression on her face. "Your demands are marriage," she grimaced, "paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a little faster." She quirked her eyebrows. "Did I get everything? That's a hefty list."

The kitten-tiger was back in full force, and it prompted the same reaction from me as usual. I was amused, but tried my very best to hide it. "Only the first is a demand. The others are merely requests."

"And my lone, solitary little demand is---"

_Little_?

"Demand?" I cut her off, narrowing my eyes.

"Yes, demand," she asserted with a nod, her hard voice piercing my frozen heart. I glared at her but she was not deterred.

"Getting married is a stretch for me. I'm not giving in unless I get something in return."

Oh for the love of all that was holy. Had she conveniently forgotten that initiating her transformation myself _was_ what she was getting in return for agreeing to marry me? Apparently that was no longer enough – no, I was now expected to kill, or at the very least, maim her first by taking her virginity. The insouciance with which she addressed the sacrifice I'd be making when I would sink my teeth into her flesh stunned me, and suddenly I was the one feeling rejected. It apparently was no longer enough that I'd be risking her soul, that I'd be taking her life away. I hid my pain, a feat I was so accomplished at, inhaled through my nose to let her scent calm me and whispered in her ear. "No, it's not possible now. Later, when you're less breakable. Be patient, Bella."

"But that is the problem," she retorted, her voice trembling with her efforts to make me see reason where there was none to be found. "I won't be the _same_ when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same. I don't know _who_ I'll be then."

And we were approaching the gist of the issue. Fear. Pure and simple. Fear of the unknown, fear that she would not feel the same way afterwards – a fear that mirrored my own. But she would still be herself, I knew that. We'd all brought our character traits with us. But would she still love me? I had to believe that she would or I'd never bring myself to poison her with my bite.

"You'll still be Bella," I assured her. Stubborn, beautiful, selfless Bella.

She didn't believe me and her luscious lips curved in a frown. "If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie – that I'd drink Jacob's blood or Angela's if I got the chance – how can that be true?"

"It will pass." A year was nothing, just a blip on the horizon when one was staring at eternity. "And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood," I added with a shudder. The stench alone was enough to make me gag – even Jasper had absolutely no interest in taking a bite out of the wolves. Their appeal was below that of a squirrel, and those were simply nasty. "Even as a newborn, you'll have better taste than that."

"But that will always be what I want most, won't it?" she snapped, throwing the gauntlet down. "Blood, blood, and more blood."

I nearly recoiled from the venom in her voice. Was that really how she thought of us, of me? That all we cared about was blood? True, my dessicated mouth was a not so subtle reminder that my throat would always burn slightly, no matter how many animals I drained, and Bella's unique scent only intensified the fire, but with her in my arms, thirst was farthest from my mind. The hunger I felt now was not for blood, but for the softness of her skin, the heat of her body, the melting of two lovers in each other.

"The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true," I retorted icily.

"Over eighty years later," she scoffed at my argument. "What I meant was _physically_, though. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself... after a while. But just purely physically – I will always be thirsty, more than anything else."

So she had listened to me, after all. She had heard my warnings, when I'd explained these things to her, when I told her how my throat burst into flames at the very fragrance of her, when I had shamefully admitted that upon our first meeting, I had wanted to kill her.

Oh, how the tables had turned. Now my hunger for _her body _was stronger than my thirst had ever been, but I could hardly admit that in this situation.

"So I _will_ be different," she deduced from my lack of response. "Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically... " Her voice trailed off, and I had never heard this much seduction in her tone.

I could only imagine the strength it must have taken my shy girl to vocalize these feelings to me, and my silent heart nearly burst when I absorbed her meaning that she wanted me, too – that way. But it was not possible, not now, not until after her transformation. She moved her head to the side and pressed her hot mouth against my palm, her lips softly kissing .

I drew a shaky breath. "Bella, I could kill you," I whispered, not trusting my voice to be stable enough to say the words any louder. It was my greatest fear – that she would die at my own hands. I could not bear the thought.

"I don't think you could."

_What the hell_?

She had seen me rip trees out of the ground, she had seen me fight against that sadistic vampire who'd wanted to kill her for his own amusement. She knew how strong I was. She'd seen Emmett hold up a car with just one hand. She _knew_.

Didn't she? My whole face tightened as I reached back to rip one of the metal roses off the ornate canopy and held it out to her. My fingers constricted around the metal for an instant, shaping it like clay in a mold before I opened my hand again to show her the destruction I was able to leave in my wake with just a small squeeze of my hand.

The staccato of her heart became louder. For a moment, I felt bad to be using such a scare tactic. I tightened my fingers once more, and the metal rose crumbled to fine sand in the palm of my hand. Bella glared at me, which was not quite the reaction I had been going for.

"That's not what I meant," she snapped angrily. "I already _know_ how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."

I flicked the remnants of the rose against the far wall, staring at Bella. "What _did_ you mean then?" the monster inside me asked. I was watching her expression carefully, my only window into her mind.

"Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to... More that, you _don't _want to hurt me... so much so that I don't think that you ever could."

My head was moving quickly from left to right before she even finished her speech. Of course, I would never _want _to hurt her – but the fact of the matter was that in the throes of passion, a small miscalculation on my part, reaching out for her meaning to caress her, could shatter her skull, break her spine and kill her. I had to be so careful with each movement, every day, every moment that I spent with her. The risk was just too great. I could not afford to lose control with her. Not ever.

I needed to stop this foolish debate, put an end to it firmly, but that was not what came out of my mouth. "It might not work that way, Bella," I said in a shaky voice.

_What the hell_?

_Where did that come from_?

_Might? Are you insane_?

She instantly zeroed in on my blunder. "_Might_," she huffed. "You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."

"Exactly," I snapped, scrambling to get back on track. "Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?"

She stared into my eyes for a very long time, searching for I knew not what. "Please," she whispered and there was such pain in her voice that it cut me to my core. "It's all I want. Please." Her eyes closed but the pain remained, hanging in the air.

I was hurting her. My refusal to give in was _hurting_ her.

Breathing became a chore. My mind was telling me one thing, my body another. I wanted to make love to her, share all of myself with her, and the desire to give her what she was asking for warred with the rational side of me, the part that feared for her life if I got carried away.

Could I give her what she asked? Did I have that kind of control?

No, my head admonished.

Yes, my heart whispered.

The final 'No' was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't force it out. It wouldn't come. Somewhere during this time, while I was wrestling with my inner demons, Bella noticed that I hadn't responded. Her eyes flew open, and I was sucked into the depth of the molten chocolate lakes. Speech became an impossibility. I knew my face showed the anguished war that was raging inside me, but before I could muster the strength to compose my expression, she spoke again.

"Please?" she whispered again, and the single word questioned my every belief. My convictions unraveled under the pressure of that simple word. Bella's pulse began to race as the words spilled from her lips. "You don't have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that. Just let us _try_... only try. And I'll give you what you want. I'll marry you. I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just... _please_." There was so much longing in that last plea, my heart constricted from the pain of it, because it matched my own.

"_I'll marry you_."

_She'll marry me_.

_If I... kill her first_.

She wasn't breathing, her body taut in anticipation of my answer.

My arms wrapped tighter around her and my mouth moved to her ear, inhaling the intense aroma of her sense. She shivered against me. Words bubbled to the surface, but instead of the firm 'No' my head told me to say, my heart spoke of my indecision. "This is unbearable. So many things I've wanted to give you – and _this _is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"

Bella sucked in a breath. "Then don't refuse."

Again, I lost my ability to speak. The conflict raging inside me was infernal, and in the midst of it the carnal beast awoke and clamored for recognition, realizing how close it was to reaching its goal. The heat of Bella's body pressed against me was a seduction in itself.

I slowly moved my lips back and forth against her throat, across the pulsing artery, trying to find a resolution to my indecision in her life's fluid, rushing underneath the thin membrane of her fragrant skin.

"_I'll marry you_."

"Please," she said once more, the word burning me like the fires of hell, and still my head moved from side to side, my lips tracing over the soft skin of her neck.

"Bella... " I moaned, the anguish of the warring needs engulfing me.

"_I'll marry you_."

If I agreed to her demand, I would achieve my heart's deepest desire – to make her mine in every sense of the word, in front of God and our witnesses, and in the carnal way only a husband may know his wife. She'd be mine for eternity – if I didn't kill her first in my selfish desire to claim her body.

Bella's heart was frantic at this point.

"_Let us try_..."

"_I'll marry you_."

"_Please_."

As my lips moved against her throat, she suddenly twisted in my arms and her hot mouth pressed hard against mine. My hands automatically flew to her face, securing her against me, my lips moving none too gently with hers, and the desperation I felt translated into my kiss. Bella trembled in my hands, the soft mounds of her chest pressing forward against mine, as she leaned her whole body into me, asking only for me, and I answered her silent question with something I didn't know I had in me.

I surrendered.

I would give her what she wanted – because, damningly selfish as it was, I wanted it, too. It would require some preparations; I certainly wasn't anywhere _near_ ready now. I needed to speak to Carlisle, and likely experiment and test my semen for its venom, and while my mind was racing ahead, my inner monster, the one that lusted after Bella, broke free and all rational thought fled.

Bella pulled her lips away from mine and sucked in a breath. Driven by desire, my mouth moved to her throat, planting kisses all over the heated skin and my tongue darted out to taste her. I shivered in her arms. Steady, overheated hands moved to my shirt and undid the buttons, and timid fingertips fluttered across my bare chest, leaving trails of fire in their wake. My manhood stirred, fluids rushed to my groin and I was sprouting an erection – again.

She dipped her head, searching, and fastened her mouth on mine once again, her tongue pushing through, tracing my bottom lip. The electricity expanded like an explosion inside me, my one hand held on tightly to the back of her neck, the other strained around her small waist, pressing Bella to me, deepening the kiss, urgently and desperately, and letting my own tongue touch hers. I raised myself up on my knees, planning to push her down onto the bed to take what was mine, what she had offered, when I felt her hands move to her blouse, and I realized with sudden clarity that I had to stop.

"_I'll marry you_."

I would not defile her, not like this, not in the heat of the moment. She deserved better than that. Pushing the desire back into its confines, I began to pull back. The carnal beast saw my decision and roared in frustration, but I would not be swayed. Marriage had to come first.

My hands locked around her wrists and pushed her hands over her head as I gently moved her to lay down on the bed, her head resting on one of the soft pillows. "Bella," I whispered into her ear, and let out a breath. "Will you _please _stop trying to take your clothes off?"

I pulled back to look at her. She was flushed, her face, her neck all showing a beautiful rosy tint, her heart was pounding in her chest, and the blood was rapidly pumping. Incredibly, there was no fear in her gaze. This magnificent girl, my only love, had just now, within a split second, been moved from a kneeling position to laying down on the bed, overpowered by a vampire, and all I saw in her eyes was confusion, trust and desire.

"Do you want to do that part?" she asked breathlessly.

Trust I knew I would not deserve once my own desire had hurt, or worse, killed her. I consoled myself that she had only asked for us to try.

"Not tonight," I murmured softly, and slowly resumed kissing her, along her jawline. The rosy heat from her creamy skin pleasantly burned my lips.

"Edward, don't---," Bella began to protest, but I cut her off quickly and made myself clear.

"I'm not saying no. I'm just saying _not tonight_." I wasn't ready, and before I could even attempt this, I needed to be better prepared.

She tried to slow her breathing. "Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night." The frustration in her voice was evident, and I chuckled in her ear.

Aside from my need to acclimate myself to even the thought of making love to Bella, or the attempt if I failed, which I likely would, there was more than one reason that tonight was completely out of the question.

If I gave in now, I'd be stealing so much more than just her virginity – I'd also be taking her virtue, and that was a blemish I would not put on her soul. First, we would enter the sacred covenant of marriage. It was how I'd been raised, and my beliefs were firm on that subject. One did not seduce a lady unless one had put a ring on her finger and bestowed upon her one's last name. Or Carlisle's, in my case.

_Isabella Cullen_.

_Mine_.

I hadn't waited nearly ninety years for this woman, only to give up my heart's deepest, most selfish desire for one moment of pleasure. No, we would do this in the right order. And then of course, there was another reason – after all, she still had the promise that Carlisle gave to her. Her previous aversion to marriage was still clear in my mind.

"I wasn't born yesterday," I told her, smiling when she whimpered as my lips touched the sensitive spot right below her ear. "Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won't go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you want." My still-hard member was certainly proof of that. I was surprised she hadn't felt it pressing against her earlier, though I was by now preventing the disobedient offender from touching her. "Therefore... you first."

Air escaped from her lips in a loud rush and her expression changed from frustration to utter disbelief. "I have to marry you first?" she asked, incredulous.

I very nearly laughed. "That's the deal," I smiled widely. "Take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?" With that, I dove down to claim her lips again, and shamelessly attempting to persuade her to agree. I was so close to victory, I could taste it. I let go of her hands which immediately wound around my neck, and she pulled me down. I kissed her until her heart threatened to jump out of her chest, and she had stopped breathing before I moved my lips to her throat. She gasped for air.

"I think that's a really bad idea."

I smirked. Of course she did. "I'm not surprised you feel that way. You have a one-track mind." Her powerful hormones were a great ally at this point.

"How did this happen?" Bella groused. "I thought I was holding my own tonight – for once – and now, all of a sudden---,"

"You're engaged," I sang jubilantly.

She groaned. "Ew! _Please_ don't say that out loud." Her face contorted in disgust at the thought of it.

I, on the other hand, wanted to shout it from the rooftops and take out large ads in various newspapers around the country. Today, Bella Swan agreed to become my wife.

My wife.

Mine.

"Are you going back on your word?" I asked her, my elation only barely contained, a triumphant smile pushing up the corners of my mouth.

Bella pushed her head further into the pillow to glare at me. Her heart stuttered and skipped a beat.

My face fell minutely. "Are you?" I repeated.

"Ugh," she grumbled. "No. I'm not. Are you happy now?"

My answering smile nearly split my face in half. "Exceptionally." I somehow felt the urgent need to jump off the bed and utterly embarrass myself by performing a victory dance, but was able to refrain.

Bella groaned again.

"Aren't you happy at all?" I asked before I lowered my head and kissed her again, letting my tongue sneak out between my lips and flicker over hers. Bella gasped when I released her mouth.

"A little bit," she confessed, but there was doubt and hesitation in her voice. "But not about getting married."

No, of course not. She was only happy about the prospect of her vampire husband-to-be attempting to make love to her in all her human frailty while on her honeymoon. She was taking on the part that should be mine – begging me to take her, offering herself to me, when our roles should be reversed. I laughed at the irony while I kissed her ear and put my thoughts into words.

"Do you get the feeling that everything is backward? Traditionally, shouldn't you be arguing my side, and I yours?"

"There isn't much that's traditional about you and me," she waved off my comment.

"True," I shrugged and pressed my lips to hers again. I would never tire of kissing her. Her mouth was already swollen from our earlier kisses, and the plump pinkness of her lips, the taste of her, was driving me crazy. As always, her heartbeat sped up, as her hands moved into my hair and gently tugged on the strands. Blood rushed to her face and neck and a thin sheen of dew formed on her forehead. Her leg wound in between mine and she tried to pull me closer against her. My hand brushed against the side of her right breast, and my thumb reached towards the bottom of the soft mound before I stopped myself.

I tore my lips away from hers and turned my head, kissing the palm of her hand.

Bella inhaled deeply. "Look, Edward," she spoke, her voice alluring, seductive. "I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."

I was a bit taken aback by her morbid attempt at humor, especially as my nose was busily inhaling her scent directly at her wrist. "Not funny," I muttered as I pressed a kiss to the thin membrane of skin protecting her veins.

"What I'm saying is this," she tried again, her voice still trying to lure me into giving in. "I'm not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone – how often does that happen? – and you've provided this very large and comfortable bed... "

"Not tonight," I replied. I would stand firm on that much. Risking her life without any kind of preparation would be utterly insane, even more so than agreeing to try this in the first place. And I would not sully the purity of her soul by taking her virtue without properly marrying her first. Absolutely not.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked, and there was a hint of hurt in her tone.

"Of course," I assured her quickly, still busying myself with her hand on my lips.

Bella wrapped her fingers around my chin and pulled my face towards her, gazing into my eyes. "Then what's the problem? It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the end." This caused her to frown, her eyebrows puckering together most adorably. "You always win," she muttered.

"Just hedging my bets," I responded casually and wiped my face clean of emotions. I apparently didn't quite succeed, or Bella knew me too well, because she narrowed her eyes.

"There's something else," she accused me. "Are _you_ planning to go back on your word?"

"No," I vowed, and my promise was solemn and firm. "I swear to you, we _will_ try. After you marry me."

Bella shook her head, and snorted. "You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama – twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl's virtue."

_Oh, crap_.

She had figured out my motive – at least one of them, and chagrined, I ducked my head down to her collarbone, trying to divert her by running my lips across the exposed skin.

"That's it, isn't it?" She snickered at my discomfort. "You're trying to protect your virtue." Her hand flew to her mouth, in an unsuccessful attempt to hide the giggles that burst out.

I rued the day I had told her that I was just as virginal as she. If I'd been human at this point, I would have surely died of embarrassment. Bella's perceptiveness was unsettling sometimes.

"No, silly girl," I grumbled, still hiding against her shoulder. "I'm trying to protect _yours_. And you are making it shockingly difficult."

Of course, Bella's generation had not grown up with the same rigid codes of decorum and morals as I. Almost a century separated us, and rules in my human life had been very different indeed. These days, carnal knowledge outside of the sanctity of marriage was common, and more or less expected after one had reached a certain age. Most humans no longer waited until they were married to share this ultimate gift with each other, or experienced it with only one life-long partner. Times certainly had changed since I was born, but I could not help myself. Bella's pure soul was too important.

Her thoughts were right in line with mine, except on the opposite end of that spectrum. "Of all the ridiculous---"

If I never heard _that _word coming out of her mouth again, it would be too soon. I'd heard it enough tonight, and each and every time she had used it to simply dismiss my concerns and my beliefs. I interrupted her, rude as it was, but I needed to address this with her.

"Let me ask you something. We've had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?"

"Two," she growled, and I smiled at the ferocity in her voice. She and Carlisle were so convinced that we still had souls.

"All right," I allowed. "Maybe that's true. Now, there's a world full of dissension about this, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed."

She snorted again. "Vampire rules aren't enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones, too?"

"It couldn't hurt," I hedged, my confidence faltering in light of her sarcasm. "Just in case."

She glared at me, her eyes blazing again.

"Now, of course, it might be too late for me," I continued, "even if you're right about my soul." My excursion into the world of darkness and evil about a decade after I was born to this life would forever ban me from heaven. And that had not been my only sin. No, my transgressions were plentiful, and absolution would be an impossibility. The one commandment I had not broken in this life, or the one prior, was fornication. Well, if one discounted my morning escapade into self-love, which was also against the rules. Of my generation, at least.

"No, it isn't." Bella's voice was angry.

I tilted my head to the side. "'Thou shalt not kill' _is _commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I've killed a lot of people, Bella." Those few years of my God complex were the darkest mark on my existence. As with Lady Macbeth, the blood on my hands would never wash away.

"Only the bad ones," she insisted.

"Maybe that counts," I replied though I knew better, "maybe it doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone---"

"That _you_ know about," she injected quickly.

I smiled at the comment. Bella couldn't hurt a fly, even if she wanted to. For her to insinuate that she could kill anyone in her human incarnation was so ludicrous it made me laugh inside. However, once she was changed, that would be a slightly different story.

"And I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way," I promised, thinking of the newborn year, and the crazed bloodlust she would experience during that time. My plans already included taking her to a very remote location, which one I had not yet decided, but far removed from any humans and thus temptation.

"Okay," she conceded, "but we weren't fighting over committing murder."

I hadn't been aware that we were fighting at all. I shook off the confusion and continued. "The same principle applies," I explained calmly. "The only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are. Can't I leave one rule unbroken?" I smiled a crooked, slightly embarrassed grin.

"One?" She quirked her eyebrows

"You know that I've stolen, I've lied, I've coveted... my virtue is all I have left." Still, the crooked smile was plastered on my lips. Bella glared again, and waved her hand in dismissal.

"I lie all the time."

I chuckled, and teased her. "Yes, but you're such a bad liar that it doesn't really count. Nobody believes you." That wasn't actually correct – Bella _could_ lie quite convincingly, as long as she stayed within the realm of the true story, and only spun off into a less supernatural version of events.

She knew it, too. "I really hope you're wrong about that," she retorted, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through the door with a loaded gun."

Had she forgotten the 'talk' Charlie'd had with her before our visit to Jacksonville? He'd long been convinced – and had made his peace with it – that our relationship would be naturally progressing into intimacy – though he couldn't be farther from the truth. At least, up to this point, if our latest covenant was any indication of things to come.

"Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories," I grinned at Bella. "He'd rather lie to himself than look too closely."

She thought about that for a moment. "But what did you ever covet? You have everything."

_I had nothing and was nothing before you, Bella_.

_I never knew until I found you_.

_You gave me life_.

_You gave me love_.

"I coveted you," I replied darkly, as I thought of the day I finally confessed my love to her. I had stalked her, followed her, and watched her for weeks, unable to stay away, before I could summon the strength to resist the call of her blood and the courage to bare myself to her, to let her see me as I was.

"I had no right to want you – but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look what's become of you!" I teased her, but shaking my head at the monstrosity of the result of my selfishness. "Trying to seduce a vampire."

"You can covet what's already yours," Bella replied lightly, as if permission after the fact would make all right. "Besides, I thought is was _my_ virtue you were worried about."

"It is," I assured her quickly before she got any more ideas of seduction for the night. "If it's too late for me... Well, I'll be damned – no pun intended – if I'll let them keep you out, too."

"You can't make me go somewhere you won't be," she declared, a solemn look on her face which matched the tone of her voice, strong and sure. "That's my definition of hell. Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this: let's never die, all right?"

I chuckled at the ease with which she approached such a morose subject. "Sounds simple enough. Why didn't I think of that?"

I gazed at her expectantly, smiling. After a moment, she huffed angrily. "So thats' it. You won't sleep with me until we're _married_," she verified, and the last word must have burned her lips on the way out because she again contorted her face, miffed at the mere thought of carrying my name. I chose to ignore it, because at this point, I was nearly certain that our wedding was not far off, no matter how much she huffed and puffed about it. She wanted the intimacy too badly. Of course, I had it just as bad, admittedly.

I wouldn't even mind taking her to Las Vegas tomorrow, if she so chose, though Alice would likely try to kill me if we eloped like that. It didn't matter to me, as long as Bella was happy, and my mother's ring was on her finger. Sure, I would love to have the whole ceremony, with our families present, and see Bella walk towards me in the white dress of Alice's vision, but considering that I was eternally damned one way or the other, I wasn't even sure that any blessing of our marriage would make much difference, anyway.

I was darkly amused, though, at the very modern phrase she used to describe our future lovemaking, precisely because the word sleep would never apply to me.

"Technically," I spoke my thought out loud, "I can't ever _sleep_ with you."

She rolled her eyes. "Very mature, Edward."

"But, other than that detail, yes, you've got it right." I grinned widely, and the wedding march played in my head.

"I think you have an ulterior motive," she accused, staring at my eyes.

_Crap! When will I learn that she too perceptive for her own good_?

I was the picture of innocence. "Another one?"

"You know this will speed things up," she said and her eyes narrowed again. I was waiting for her to point an accusing finger at me, but that didn't happen.

_Ah, what the hell. May as well be honest_.

I tried to hide the smile that was threatening to break through. "There is only one thing I want to speed up," getting that ring on her finger, "and the rest can wait forever... but for that, it's true," I admitted without shame, "your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point."

"I can't believe I'm going along with this," she lamented plaintively. "When I think of Charlie... and Renée! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now."

I raised one eyebrow at her statement, because her complaint was childish and inconsequential. She had brought up those concerns once before, that she wasn't _that_ girl who got married right out of high school, but we'd been over this argument. Besides, all Angela would do was congratulate the two of us, and be happy for us, and who cared what that vile Stanley girl thought, anyway. Renée was already expecting the phone call – in her opinion, we had looked much too close already while we visited a few weeks ago. Charlie might be slightly more difficult, but he also knew Bella was leaving for college one way or another. He would probably not put up much of a fuss. Or shoot me, for that matter.

But none of that truly mattered in light of what else would change after our marriage, after I upheld my end of our covenant. I would either kill her in my attempt to satisfy her condition, or poison her.

If I got lucky and it was the latter, once she had undergone the transformation and become one of us, she'd never see her parents or her high school friends again. The difference in her appearance would be too noticeable, especially in her eye color, and her newborn thirst would put them in intolerable danger. Bella knew this. What did a few weeks of idle gossip matter? Her quirky thought processes were baffling. She'd never struck me as vain, or caring what others thought of her. Why start now?

Bella shuddered and I quickly checked her face. She seemed apprehensive, and then inspiration struck. Of course. Persuasive little Alice would have a blast planning that wedding, and Bella absolutely hated being the center of attention, something that could not be avoided when one was the bride.

"It doesn't have to be a big production," I assured her, though how I would get that by Alice, I didn't know. "I don't need any fanfare. You won't have to tell anyone or make any changes. We'll go to Vegas – you can wear old jeans and we'll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official – that you belong to me and _no one else_." That was truly all I cared about – that she would be mine, that she would carry my name.

"It couldn't be any more official than it already is," she argued. I begged to differ, and nearly laughed again at how naïve she sometimes was. When Bella Swan became Bella Cullen, it would not only fulfill my heart's desire, but would also send a powerful statement to the mongrel.

_Back off, fucker, that's my wife_.

Was that immature? Perhaps so.

"We'll see about that," I said smugly. Perhaps now was the time to present her with the ring, though she would likely refuse it. I realized that I had bungled yet another proposal. I threw caution to the wind. "I suppose you don't want your ring now?"

_Say yes, say yes, sayyessayyes_.

She had trouble swallowing the bile in her throat, it seemed. "You suppose correctly," she replied haughtily.

_Damn_!

"That's fine. I'll get it on your finger soon enough." Preferably before that stinking dog would carry her up the mountain to throw the newborns off her trail. I could already imagine it glinting in the light of day, reminding him that he had lost the quest for her heart. My laugh was gleeful at the thought.

Bella glared at me, and the spiteful thoughts were wiped from my mind. "You talk like you already have one."

"I do," I confessed without hesitation or shame. "Ready to force it upon you at the first sign of weakness."

_I do_.

_I do_.

God, I could hardly wait to find out how those two little words would sound coming from her. That small butterfly of hope rose from the ashes like a phoenix and spread its wings once more. We had reached a new covenant, and Bella would marry me.

_Me_.

_Mine_!

"You're unbelievable," she groaned, but even her obvious reluctance was not enough to squash my utter elation at this moment.

"Do you want to see it?" I asked, hardly able to contain my excitement. I would most likely regret my decision to agree to her condition in the morning, but for tonight, joy took center stage. Bella Swan had finally agreed to marry me.

"No!"

The single word, shrieked at the top of her lungs, slammed into me like a ton of bricks. The pain of her shouted refusal took my breath away. My face fell instantly. In my blind excitement to finally have secured her hand, by whatever devious and admittedly dangerous means, I hadn't anticipated this strong a reaction to the ring, though I should have seen it coming from a mile away. I was such a fool.

Not only would it be a gift from me which to her was abhorrent in itself; the fact that its brilliant shine would invite stares and questions, not to mention make a specific statement to anyone who would see it, topped with the monetary value of it – no, of course, she would not want it. How could I have been so stupid?

Bella noticed my hurt expression. "Unless you really want to show it to me," she allowed hastily but I could see in her eyes that she said those words in reaction to what she had seen in mine. Her teeth were locked, her jaw was taut.

Very well. I had endured enough for one night. "That's all right," I said with a small shrug. "It can wait." The ring had sat in its box patiently for eighty-nine years, waiting to adorn the hand of the woman I loved, never thinking that I should be so lucky to find her – it would remain safely in my nightstand drawer a little longer. In the full scheme of things, it made no difference, but my frozen heart hurt anyway. However, I'd be damned if I'd let her see that her bratty behavior had cut me so deeply.

Bella sighed. "Show me the damn ring, Edward."

I shook my head with finality. "No."

I'd wait until she asked for it properly, when she really _wanted_ it. Sure, my reaction was spiteful and possibly childish, but I didn't exactly care.

Bella gazed at my eyes for a long minute, searching for something. I returned her gaze, unmoving.

"Please?" she murmured softly, and raised her hand to leave a fiery trail of burning heat when she gently stroked my face. "Please can I see it?"

I should have refused her, knowing that she asked for it out of chagrin though there was none in her voice, but as soon as she uttered that one word, my heart melted again and I could not deny her. I was whipped, as Emmett had put it, and I knew it, and so did she. I had handed her a highly dangerous weapon, and she wielded it brilliantly.

"You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met," I grumbled but went to retrieve the ring from my nightstand. Suddenly nervous, I wrapped one arm around her shoulder and sat next to her, as I balanced the box on one of her knees. I tried to push down the nerves. She likely wouldn't appreciate the ring anyway, whether she saw it or not, so what did it matter. And I hated that I likely wouldn't get an opportunity to present it to her properly, as one might when one asked a lady for her hand in marriage, but that ship had sailed, due to my own incompetence.

_You are such a fool_.

"Go ahead and look, then," I said curtly.

Her hand reached out tentatively to pick it from her knee, as if the small box might disintegrate at any moment, and she shakily brushed a finger across the black velvet once it was nestled in her delicate hand.

"You didn't spend a _lot_ of money, did you? Lie to me, if you did."

The hesitancy in her voice gave flight to the small butterfly, and a flicker of hope spread through me – hope that she might accept this ring after all. I didn't even have to lie.

"I didn't spend anything," I replied, trying to keep my voice even. "It's just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother."

I hadn't counted the times over the decades that I had fingered the delicate golden band, holding it up to see the diamonds sparkle, remembering my parents and their final days. The memories were murky, as if under water.

"Oh," Bella breathed, and her eyes widened. She sounded surprised, and a little pleased, perhaps. No. Pleased? What was I thinking? I could not afford to get my hopes up again, and the butterfly folded its wings. She had yet to open the box.

"I suppose it's a little outdated," I said easily. "Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany's?" I offered, not caring anymore what it was and how much it cost, as long as it went on her finger and stayed there.

_Dream on, Edward_.

She _still_ hadn't opened the box.

"I like old-fashioned things," she mumbled. Her fingers cautiously lifted the lid and the overhead light caught in the the diamonds, setting off a sparkle that reflected in Bella's eyes.

Bella gasped, and the sudden wonder that filled her face overwhelmed me and soothed the pain that still tormented me. My breathing hitched when her eyes widened as a finger carefully brushed over the diamonds.

"It's so pretty," she breathed.

_It pales compared to you, my love_.

Before I could stop myself, the words flew out of my mouth. "Do you like it?" I asked her giddily, that small tenant of hope once again stretching its wings.

"It's beautiful," she shrugged, "what's not to like." She seemed not to care, but I could hear strong emotions burning underneath the surface.

She liked it. Joy burst through me like an explosion, and an exultant laugh bubbled out of me. "See if it fits," I said, delighted that the ring had gained her approval.

Her fingers curled into her palm, the whites of her knuckles showing. I sighed, but tried another strategy.

"Bella, I'm not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off." I shouldn't have offered her that, because she would likely remove it as soon as she possibly could. I knew it would fit. I'd had it sized shortly after we returned from Italy, but she didn't need to know that.

Either way, I wanted to see that ring on her finger, even if it was only for a minute. The memory would burn itself into my brain, to be recalled with perfect clarity whenever I so chose, even if she never wore it again. Which was likely, based on how she was reacting to the prospect now.

"Fine," she acquiesced grumblingly, as her heart sped up.

She reached for the ring, but I was just a little faster. I picked it from the box, and took her left hand in mine. This would likely be my only chance, and I needed to make the most of it.

_Marry me, Bella_.

_From this moment forward_.

_As long as we both shall live_.

Reverently, I slowly slid the ring onto her finger, and then held up her hand, trying to prolong the moment. Both of us silently admired the sparkling brilliance of the diamonds, catching the light this way and that, and throwing prisms of color against Bella's luminescent skin. It looked even better than I had imagined. And for all her earlier grumbling, she no longer seemed as adverse as she had been. Perhaps in time she would come to cherish it as I did.

"A perfect fit," I said nonchalantly, trying hard to keep the rapidly increasing jubilation from my voice. "That's nice – saves me a trip to the jeweler's."

Bella's eyes flew to mine and she scrutinized my expression. "You like that, don't you?" she asked, wiggling her fingers in front of my face.

With another glance at the ring, I forced myself to shrug as if I didn't care. "Sure. It looks very nice on you." Beneath the surface, exultation was trying to push its way out. Bella kept staring at me, a knowing smirk forming on her face, and suddenly I was no longer able to pretend. The mask slipped from my features as I returned her gaze, and I could feel my face split in half with a smile so brilliant, so jubilant, that it nearly threw me backwards. She was in wrapped my arms, facing me, before she could blink.

Bella exhaled in a rush, and before she could inhale again, my lips were on hers.

Time stood still.

The kiss felt differently, and I realized with sudden clarity that I was, for the very first time, kissing my fiancée. My future wife. The emotions that accompanied this realization expanded through me in an explosion of complete and utter rapture. Bella must have felt similarly if her sudden moan was any indication. To me, this kiss was a joining of two lovers, and it held a promise and a new hope.

I stole her breath away, as I kissed her eagerly, pressing her against me so tightly, that there was no space left between us. I kissed her like that for several long moments. We both sucked in a ragged breath, when I moved my lips to her ear to whisper my confession. "Yes, I like it. You have _no_ idea."

Bella gasped for air, and giggled. "I believe you."

I was bolstered by her reaction and suddenly, the timing felt right. I hadn't let go of my fantasies of a romantic proposal, and certainly, this night so far had not been about romance and whispered admission of love. I could, however, choose to change the ending.

"Do you mind if I do something?" I whispered in her ear.

"Anything you want," she replied quickly.

Removing my hands from her was harder than it should have been, like if I did she might still slip away, but I kept my eyes on the prize. She had already given her consent, albeit in a roundabout way, and this was merely an indulgence on my part.

_Right. Who am I kidding_?

This had been my fantasy for as long as I had known her, one of the many things I'd held onto and tortured myself with during the long months of our separation. To finally reach this point, where I could make this fantasy our reality, was liberating.

And terrifying.

As I slid off the bed, she groused. "Anything but that." Her eyes were confused until I pulled her to her feet and looked at her with all the love that I felt. I needed her to say that one small word. I needed to hear it from her lips.

And she deserved a proper proposal. Whether she liked it or not. In a hundred years, she would think back on this day and remember.

Realization dawned in her eyes.

"Now, I want to do this right," I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking, suddenly fearful of her reaction. "Please, _please_, keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me."

I knelt down on one leg, and looked up at her, taking her left hand in mine.

"Oh, no," she breathed, as her heartbeat shot up. Apprehension pierced my silent heart. Would she deny me now - even after she had already consented?

"Be nice," I begged. Bella took a deep and uneven breath, her heart pulsing rapidly.

I glanced once more at the ring adorning her small hand and then looked up at her, suddenly feeling shy. This was it – this was the moment I had envisioned for so long. I sucked in air like a drowning man.

"Isabella Swan? I promise to love you forever – every day of forever. Will you marry me?"

I held my breath, I couldn't even blink, as I waited for her answer.

_Sayyessayyessayyes_.

Bella's mouth opened and closed, various expressions flickering across her face, each being wiped away quickly by the next one. Finally, her face became nearly serene, and she whispered the one word I longed to hear.

"Yes."

_Yes. _

_She's said yes_.

I exhaled in a rush, my eyes burning with tears I could not produce. "Thank you," I breathed on the final flow of air from my lungs, then lifted her hand to kiss each of her fingertips before I reverently pressed my lips to the ring.

As I stood up, she wound her arms around my waist and raised her gaze to mine. My hands went to her face as I cradled her head gently, and kissed her again.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered against her lips.

"I love you, too," she breathed against mine.

This was all I could have asked for. The love of my life was in my arms, wearing my ring as a promise of my heart, and for once, for the first time, I knew without even a shred of doubt that in Bella's loving embrace was where I was meant to be.

Two lovers joined for eternity.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N: Please see my profile page for a link to the lyrics for the Depeche Mode song referenced at the beginning of the chapter. I am aware that some of you may not appreciate the self-love episode and subsequent scenes referencing it. Please know that I have reason to include this – feel free to PM me about that. **

**And while I'm not asking for reviews per se, I would like to know how you feel about this story, and particularly about this chapter. Feedback is always welcome. Edward's the mind-reader – me, not so much. **

**Thanks for reading! **


	23. Subterfuge

**Author's Note: **As before, due to the nature of this fan fiction, conversations and dialogue from 'Eclipse' for which both Edward and Bella are present together, or for which Edward is eavesdropping, have been faithfully incorporated into this story. All other dialogue, conversations and events are made up. Edward's thoughts are my own, though they are naturally based on the Twilight Saga.

This 23nd chapter is called "Subterfuge". Edward and Bella lay the false trail to the clearing, and hide in the mountains for the night.

A **HUGE THANK YOU** to all who have read and reviewed the fruits of my labor of love. I appreciate each and every review! Extra thanks to **Bitter Shade** for letting my bounce my crazy ideas off of her, and to **Bella's Executioner** for holding my hand through the epic fail writer's block that was the reason for the lengthy time between updates. I love you both!

Please remember that this story is rated M for a reason. If you have sensitive eyes that don't deal well with the occasional cuss word or a little bit of lemonade, this story is not for you.

**Disclaimer:** This is Fan Fiction, people! The fabulous Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and I am not she. I'm just living her stories, vicariously through Edward's eyes.

**23. Subterfuge**

Night.

My current journal was propped on my knees, and my hand flew across the pages, writing down the events of the last few days. There were dark and ominous clouds overhead, completely obscuring the half-moon moving slowly across the nighttime sky. Clouds that spoke of the battle to come, of danger lurking in the shadows, marching towards us, intent on destroying this small piece of heaven in my arms.

And heavenly she was – an angel sent to me as my salvation, rescuing me from a hollow and numb existence, from the darkness of my life, like an endless shooting star of color and fireworks. My mother's ring no longer glistened on her finger, where her delicate hand had embedded itself in my shirt, holding on to me through the night.

She had returned it to me before changing for bed, and I had let her, simply putting it into my pants pocket, already expecting her to remove it from her finger as soon as she possibly could. The gesture to put it there had been my indulgence, and though she had not been able to hide her pleasure at the sight of it, I had known in advance that she would not wear it for long. I had resigned myself to the fact that she would likely not wear it again until our wedding day, and then only for that day. I'd tried to convince myself that it didn't matter.

Only Esme and Carlisle ever wore wedding rings, simple, timeless gold bands, never having taken them off since they were married in 1923. With the rest of us usually pretending to be in high school, it wasn't really feasible to wear such outward signs. While she was attending school, Rosalie would remove her rings upon arrival and put them back on as soon as she was back in the car. My brothers and Alice didn't bother at all. Either way, neither of my siblings had ever wavered in their commitment and depth of their love for their chosen mate. Rings just didn't matter. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself.

My fantasy, of running through the forests with Bella, matching rings winking on our fingers, hands clasped, would likely remain just that – a fantasy.

Though I had to admit that when we started attending college in the fall, I would want Bella to wear her rings – partially in a poor attempt to keep the male population at bay. My main reason was pride. I would be exceptionally proud when I could finally call her my wife, and had absolutely no compunction about showing her off to the rest of the world. If it were up to me, I'd be shouting my love from the rooftops, and if she weren't so adverse to attention, I probably would.

I was the one she said 'yes' to.

Even though I'd anticipated her reaction to the ring, I hadn't been able to completely avoid the sting to my heart. Her refusal to keep it on her hand had been rather immature and bratty, but I'd been so elated at finally having heard her say 'yes', I hadn't been able to find the will to call her on it. I'd consoled myself with the thought that with time would come perspective for her, reminding myself that Bella, after all, was only eighteen, and that her generation didn't look upon matrimony the same way as I did. Pleasures of the flesh no longer required first having been bound by marriage, but the casual way with which young humans approached carnal knowledge these days was terribly off-putting, and often detrimental to their mental and physical well-being.

Though this certainly didn't apply to Bella, her revelations last night had been quite unexpected. My romantic plans for the night had been derailed by Bella's sudden boldness, seducing me into a new covenant between us, one that had made me the happiest man on earth, and simultaneously, scared me to my bones.

_Make love to her while she was still human_.

_God help me_.

The asking price for Bella's hand had gone up quite considerably this night – initiating her transformation was no longer the only payment I was expected to make. No, as of this night, at least the attempt to take our physical relationship to the final level was also part of the cost for her hand. She had roped me into agreeing, with a weapon I had handed her myself.

Please.

Such a simple word.

It was all it took, and my defenses, my beliefs, my boundaries had crumbled under the assault of that single word. That, and her promise to marry me in exchange for trying not to kill her when we gave each other our virginity.

Her wildest dream.

My deepest fear.

I was utterly screwed. Panic had set in shortly after she'd fallen asleep. When conversation ceased and was replaced by deep and even breathing, when her heart had fallen back into a natural rhythm, my own dead heart had begun to constrict in fear and desperation.

How on earth was I supposed to handle this? Make love to her and stay in control? No one but myself had ever touched me intimately, at least not with permission. Over the years, there had been women who'd thrown themselves at me, lured in by my physical beauty, and the exceptionally vulgar ones had oh so casually and pseudo-unintentionally brushed their hands against my most private region. None of their unwelcome gestures had ever caused a reaction on my end, other than disgust and disdain for their indecent behavior.

Bella on the other hand – just thinking about her in that way made my manhood react in a most inappropriate fashion and filled my whole frozen body with desire I knew not how to repress any longer.

As if she knew I was thinking of her, she pressed her soft form closer to mine. "Edward... hmmm... Edward." I smiled at my little temptress, who ironically, until this night, had not known how much of a lure her body was for me, and how much power she held over me. I supposed the cat was out of the bag now.

I finished the latest entry in my journal and put it away, in the top drawer of my nightstand.

_I should think no more tonight_.

I stretched out my legs and slightly turned towards Bella, letting the perfume of her breath wash over me. My arms tightened around her, the thick coverlet protecting her from the cold chill of my body, and I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind of all thoughts. I concentrated on her even breathing, and the steady beat of her heart instead. The next few hours passed in utter silence, only interrupted by the occasional mumble of my name falling from her lips.

_My fiancée_.

_My life_.

Dawn came and with it the clouds disappeared, the sun rose into the summer sky and threw long beams of light into my room. The wind had picked up considerably, decimating the clouds, and the treetops were weaving back and forth under the force of the gusts.

Alice had predicted quite a drop in temperature for this weekend, with clear skies over Forks and the surrounding area on Saturday, after a late-spring storm would blow through. And of course, as she was now nearly constantly scanning the future, and once the vision of my ring on Bella's finger had hit her, she'd sent me a text message, thwarting my intention, as well as my promise to Bella, to keep our engagement quiet, at least for now.

"Congratulations. Make an announcement to the family, or I will."

I hadn't considered that with the current level of danger surrounding us she'd be carrying her cell phone on the hunt. I grimaced, staring at the ceiling, thinking of the little pixie who was likely bouncing up and down through the wilderness at this point, elated for me, finally having reached my goal, and already planning the wedding of the century. Bella would hate every elaborate scheme Alice would present, and I'd be caught in the middle. I'd have to head her off before she could talk to Bella upon their return.

And get Bella's permission to tell my family. That would likely be more difficult than trying to rein in Alice.

With a long sigh, I turned my eyes to Bella, who was beginning to move slowly against me, her breathing becoming more shallow and her heartrate picking up slightly, which were my usual indications that she was starting to wake up. Involuntarily, my arms tightened around her, and the compulsion to just kiss her awake grew in force.

When had I become such a glutton? And how? Like Eve in paradise, Bella held out the proverbial apple and once I would take a bite, I knew there was no going back. Her offer last night, her desire to share herself with me completely, the thought that it might just be possible for us to be so intimately connected, had me cringing in fear and pulsing with lust. The two opposing emotions were warring inside me, fogging my brain.

Beside me, Bella stretched lusciously and temptingly, pushing her chest up as she arched her back and raised her arms above her head. I lifted my head off the pillow. Instantly, I lost control of my face. My mouth hung open, my eyes were lured to ogle the two soft mounds, so deliciously presented to me, albeit covered by her pajama top, and before I could tear them away, Bella's head turned and her eyes opened, and I was convinced she'd caught me leering at her chest. My teeth snapped shut with an audible crack.

_Crap_.

_Fucking pervert_.

Embarrassment flooded me, and I immediately averted my deviant eyes to my lap. My mortification must have have been noticeable in the expression on my face over which I still hadn't regained control, because first she gasped, then blushed deeply. Her pulse stuttered and resumed at a faster pace. In a complete un-Bella-like move, she raised one hand to my chin and tried to pull my face towards her, which confirmed my suspicion that she had noticed what I had done. I met her eyes sheepishly and tried to divert her from bringing up my rather ungentlemanly behavior.

"Good morning, my...love. Did you sleep well?" The word 'fiancée' had been on my lips but I swallowed it, opting for the safer choice instead and hoping that she hadn't noticed the short pause.

"Yes, I slept fine. Edward... did you... were you... ?" She broke off, let go off my face and looked away, turning her head. Her face was still glowing a beautiful shade of pink. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw the corner of her mouth turn up slightly.

_Is that a smirk_?

_Looks that way_.

_Do _not_ think about what that might mean_.

I jumped out of bed hastily before she could say anything more. "Are you hungry? Shall I make you some breakfast? Would you like to take a shower? Or, a bath, perhaps? We still have a few hours before the family returns..."

I hadn't meant to insinuate anything, and here I was speaking of her taking her clothes off. I felt like a bumbling idiot, far removed from the cool, collected demeanor I usually called my own. "I mean... er... or, we could watch a movie, or go for a walk in the garden, or... "

Bella's smirk grew more pronounced.

_Shit_.

_Shut up, already_.

I knew I was rambling nervously, but I couldn't stop myself. I ran a hand through my hair and chanced another look at her. Her gaze had followed my escape from the bed. She had raised herself up on her elbows and again, her womanly mounds were prominently displayed for my ogling pleasure. I fought to keep my eyes locked on hers.

_Holy shit_.

_Is she doing this on purpose?_

_Doesn't she realize how hard it is for me to resist her?_

_Especially after last night. _

She smiled easily, seemingly intent on releasing me from my self-inflicted purgatory. "What time is it?"

"Uh... it's only shortly after seven. There's still plenty of time. Is there anything in particular you'd like to do this morning?" My answer was again a ramble, uncontrolled, and her smile grew slightly.

"I just need a human minute," she said, smiling still, and made to get out of the bed. "But I don't really want to get up yet. I'll be right back." She walked directly to the bathroom door and I could have sworn there was a sway to her hips that hadn't been there before. The pajama bottoms clung to the swell of her firm behind, and I was left to stare with my mouth hanging open, frozen in my spot, until the door closed behind her.

As soon as the lock clicked, I woke from my frozen stupor and, without conscious thought, took a few steps forward to follow her, not quite sure what I was going to do when I got there, and not caring at the moment, because I _really_ wanted to follow her into the bathroom, but then my common sense and my proper morals kicked in and I managed to stop myself from rushing after her and ravishing her.

Barely.

Bella was playing havoc with my self-control, and if last night had been any indication, she knew it and used it any chance she got. I was completely out of my comfort zone, and waffled back and forth between remembering my strict boundaries, and the reasons for their existence, and kicking caution to hell and taking what I wanted. What she wanted.

_No._

_No, no, no. Not now, not yet_.

Images flashed through my head, from the way her glorious breasts had slightly bounced underneath her shirt, as she'd crawled out of bed, to the gentle movements of her hips, her glorious legs, the soft skin I knew lay beneath the fabric, and I was again nearly overcome with anticipation for that day, hopefully in the not-so-distant future, when I could call her legally mine, and be allowed, finally, to see her in all her naked glory.

My wife.

Mine.

My breath left my lungs in a soft hiss.

_Focus, Edward_.

I needed to clear my head. Today was the day we would lay the false trail to the clearing. I had outlined a list of all the things I'd need to pack for that excursion, plus the things I would need for our hiding place. The dog was supposed to meet us later this afternoon, and would then carry Bella up the mountain to the secret location I had chosen, far away from the clearing, but near enough to be easily reached by my family and the wolves, in case our plans went awry.

Or, more specifically, in case the creator of the newborns decided to come looking for us. We still didn't know, and Alice hadn't seen, who had unleashed these monsters upon us. I had a long list in my mind of what I needed to pack for our excursion, and I needed to check with Alice again for the latest weather report.

The bathroom door opened. Bella stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. "There's a brand-new toothbrush sitting in a brand-new cup in there, Edward, and a full tube of paste." Her voice sounded enraged, and she was glaring at me, her brows furrowed.

I looked at her in confusion. That was an odd thing to be upset about, and a definite departure from the little temptress that had swayed her hips out of the room just a few minutes ago. I knew what she was referring to – I had put those items in the bathroom the day before after asking Esme to pick them up at the grocery store while she was stocking up on food for Bella. I didn't think that Bella had yet noticed that her favorite shampoo and her preferred soap were sitting on the shelf inside the shower, waiting to be used, as she hadn't mentioned those in her little tirade.

I moved towards her and shrugged. "Well, I expected you'd like to brush your teeth this morning, and I wasn't sure if you'd pack those things yourself, and I just wanted to be prepared in case you'd want to take a shower... " I trailed off when her glare did not diminish.

"Don't you think it's a bit of a waste, to purchase these things, when I'm the only one using them? I mean, it's not like you use a toothbrush, is it?"

"Bella, please be reasonable. I simply wanted to assure that you'd have everything you need while you are here. I assure you it is not meant as an imposition on my part." I ran my hand through my hair in frustration, not understanding why this was such a big deal. Whatever small amount of money Esme had spent was so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, it was utterly laughable for her to get upset about it. Unless one considered that they had been spent on her. Oh the atrocity. The sting of rejection again pierced my silent heart.

"Look," I told her, and my exasperation at her utter lack of appreciation colored my slightly raised voice. "If it makes you feel better about the waste, just take them home with you tomorrow and use it all up. I'm sorry if my attempt at making you feel at home made you uncomfortable."

I strode over to the stereo and inserted a CD, letting the soft violin notes of 'Albinoni's Adagio in G minor' float through the room. I stayed where I was, my back to her, and concentrated on getting my temper under control.

I heard her move towards me, but I was feeling rather petulant at the moment and didn't turn around. I was also feeling a little guilty for having raised my voice to her.

Bella's quiet footfalls stopped right behind me, and I could feel the heat from her body slowly engulfing mine. I froze, unable to move, not knowing what her intentions were, but not willing to turn around and let the mask slip back into place. I was so tired of her constant aversion to having me spend any kind of money on her, even for necessities, and at this point, the ball was in her court. Though I would forgive her anything, I knew that, even as I let the weariness creep through my body.

Bella's heart was beating steadily, as her soft, hot hands ran over my back excruciatingly slow, and then snaked themselves around my waist, finally settling on my stomach, mere inches from the waistband of my pants. My manhood twitched, as the electricity of her willing touch set me on fire. She pressed her heated face into my back, and I felt her lips push a kiss onto my spine.

"I'm sorry, Edward." Her voice was quiet and laced with shame.

I exhaled in a rush, instantly forgiving her since what had transpired mattered no more, and laid my hands over hers, gently intertwining our fingers. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to shout at you."

"I know," she whispered softly. "I don't know why I reacted that way."

I could wager a guess, but I wasn't going to push the issue any further, so I repeated my earlier explanation and left it at that. "I only wanted you to feel at home here, Bella. This is as much your room as it is mine. I want it to be ours." I turned around but kept her arms around my waist, wrapping my own around hers, leaning my forehead against her and gazing deeply into her bottomless eyes.

As I drowned inside those endless lakes, I forgot my intention to not push further and the words tumbled from my lips uncontrolled.

"I love you. Ever since you so adorably stumbled your way into my life, this room feels empty when you're not gracing it with your presence. You have no idea how much it meant to me to put these items in the bathroom for you to use, small as they are and inconsequential. Every time my eyes fall upon them, I find myself smiling because, as little as they are, they remind me of you, and of your gift to me."

Her eyes widened minutely and I sank even lower into them, as her heart sped up. "My gift?"

I smiled. "Yes. The gift of your love, Bella. Something that I never expected to have, something I'm still not completely sure I deserve. The fact that you can love me, monstrous creature that I am, is the greatest gift I will ever receive, and certainly the only one I'll ever need."

Bella shook her head, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "No," she whispered fiercely. "Never that. You're not a monster. Don't say that." She raised herself up, tilting her head a little, and pressed her lips to my own, still clutching my waist with all her might.

I kissed her back with all the passion I felt for her in that moment, my eyes closing, and I pulled her against me as tightly as I dared. Without breaking our kiss, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her quickly to the bed, where I carefully laid her down and straddled her legs, hovering over her so my weight would not crush her, curling my hands around her shoulders. Her hands wound around my neck and lodged themselves in my hair.

I moved my hands to her sides, slowly stroking along her ribcage, fingers splayed until I could feel the swells of her breast brushing against my fingertips. Her breathing hitched and her heart suddenly hammered out a staccato, and Bella began to shift underneath me. She suddenly turned to her side slightly and my roaming fingers brushed over one puckered nipple without meaning to. I was instantly hard and froze mid-kiss. My mind began to race. I had touched her inappropriately, and though we were now affianced, this kind of liberty was surely not allowed.

I wanted to touch her again.

Her eyes opened and she looked at me, the deep chocolate pools burning with a need that matched my own, when I broke away from her mouth so she could catch her breath.

"Edward, please," she whimpered and put her hands around my neck, pulling me back down to her. My dead heart nearly broke when I had to deny her yet again, for fear I would break her if we progressed any further.

"Not yet," I murmured, inhaling her delectable scent as I laid a trail of kisses from her lips to her ear, and let my hands roam across her back. "We can't. Not yet. Soon, my Bella, soon."

She groaned and her arms flopped into the mattress, as I rolled to the side and came to rest on my stomach to hide my erection, clasping one of her hands in mine. I raised my head and supported myself on one arm, the other pulling her against me, kissing her forehead.

"I promised, Bella, and I will keep that promise. We will try. Just... not yet."

"Okay," she mumbled on a sigh, and her racing heart slowly returned to normal, the blood pooled underneath the skin of her face began to dissipate.

As we both breathed deeply, I stared at her and she returned my gaze, matching the intensity, and we spoke without words, telling each other of the depth and perpetuity of our love. Time flew by, but we didn't notice, our silent conversation keeping us enthralled in the moment, until Bella's stomach made itself known.

I laughed, and she giggled and blushed, and the moment was gone. "Sounds like someone's hungry," I grinned. "If you want to take a shower, love, I'll go downstairs to see what I can find you for breakfast."

I jumped out of bed again, after stealing a quick kiss, and blew her another one from the door. Bella was still smiling as I pulled the door closed behind me. I went to the kitchen, and rummaged in the refrigerator, pulling out the fresh fruit Esme had bought at the supermarket the day before and already washed. I made quick work, cutting up an apple, strawberries and a honeydew melon slice, and laid it all out on a plate, adding several grapes. I would make some toast and pull out butter and jam in a little while.

Upstairs in my bathroom, the water came on. I hoped fervently that we would not have a repeat episode of angry Bella when she discovered the shampoo and soap, though I had mentioned those items during our earlier tiff. I shook my head. Though I was now a little ashamed at my petulant reaction, in hindsight it was perhaps a step forward. Letting her see how her rejection of my doing something nice for her affected me was quite a departure from my usual mask, and she had realized it and apologized. Perhaps Alice had been right – letting Bella see my pain had worked in this instance.

While the fruit acclimated back to room temperature, and Bella was busy in the shower, I went to my piano. I sat on the bench and pulled up the key cover, then gently ghosted my fingers over the ivories. Albinoni's Adagio was still in my head, so I began to play the soft notes of the violins, underlaid with complimentary tones. Within moments, I expanded the movements and my hands were flying over the keys. I lost myself in the music, permeating the mental silence I so enjoyed and not often found.

I heard the bedroom door open, and Bella stepped onto the stairs. As her soft footfalls echoed in the stairwell, I moved into a bridge and began to play her lullaby.

A crooked smile played on my lips as I heard her breathing change and her heartbeat increase. The music I had composed for her, inspired by the enigmatic, quiet and shy girl, the only one whose thoughts I couldn't hear, flowed from my fingertips, conveying the beauty of her, the love I felt for her, and the thanks I gave each day that she had so inexplicably consented to be mine.

Bella came to a halt behind me, putting her warm hands on my shoulders and pressing her body into my back. I finished playing the lullaby, and as the last, haunting note echoed through the room, I turned around, pulled her to stand between my legs and pressed my head against her chest, encircling her waist with my arms and listened to the heart beating strong and true underneath my ear.

Her heartbeats were numbered, I knew that. Once I initiated her change, her heart would eventually stop and take from me, with its final beat, the most beautiful sound in the world. I had long committed it to memory, and I knew that even once Bella was one of us, I would still be able to recall the sound.

I reminded myself once again of all I would gain in the process.

And all she would lose.

But it was her choice, and I had to accept it. Our bargain had been struck and I would uphold my end of it, as long as she upheld hers.

I smelled the salty tears on her cheeks, as she ran her fingers gently through my hair and scratched my scalp. A long, weary sigh escaped my lips. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too," she whispered. Still, her fingers scratched my scalp, weariness fell away and a low rumble built in my chest, continuing into my throat. Bella hesitated for a moment, but then resumed running her fingernails over my head. I didn't stop the soft rumbles. I couldn't even find it in me to feel embarrassed that I was purring so contentedly.

Bella scratched, I purred and we stayed there, in a loving embrace, for a few more moments, and it felt as if the whole world fell away, and all that remained was Bella and I. Nothing else mattered.

Her stomach rumbled. I chuckled, and broke away. "Come on, let's get you fed."

I clasped her hand in mine and we walked into the kitchen, where I pulled out a barstool for her and presented her with the fruit. She smiled appreciatively. After popping two slices of bread into the toaster, I went to the fridge and pulled out the butter and jam and put it in front of her. All that was needed now was a plate for the toast and a fork and butter knife.

"What would you like to drink, love?" I asked her, whirling around the kitchen, smiling and feeling very domestic indeed.

"Just some juice will be fine," Bella grinned and hopped off the stool. "I'll get it."

My face fell a little, feeling thwarted, as I pulled a glass from the upper cabinet. Bella returned to her breakfast spot with a carton of Orange juice. I took it from her and poured some into the glass. She picked up the fork and speared a piece of melon. Fascinated, I watched it disappear into her mouth.

The toaster popped up the now warm bread and I put it on her plate. "Here you are, dear," I said with flourish. "Enjoy."

She giggled in response while I leaned against the counter and watched her, utterly transfixed. "Edward," she complained after a minute. "Quit watching me eat. I will never understand why you find it so fascinating."

"I would explain it to you, my love," I retorted with a grin, "were I not afraid you might find it embarrassing."

The ensuing blush that crept up in her cheeks was expected and my grin widened. "See?" I teasingly pointed out. "I haven't even begun my explanation, and your cheeks are already turning a lovely shade of pink. You know," I added wistfully, "I'll miss that after your change."

"Miss what?" she inquired sarcastically. "My eating habits?"

"That, too," I answered lightly, and the mask was back in place. I stifled a sigh and forced myself to keep the moment light. There was something I had to ask of her, and I wasn't sure how she would react. I took a deep breath.

"Bella," I began, keeping my tone conversational, "with your permission, I would like to announce our agreement... our... engagement to my family. After this weekend, of course. If... that would be acceptable to you."

She frowned and answered quickly. "I'd rather not, Edward." Her tone was apologetic. "I mean, I'm not going to change my mind or anything, but I'm still... I haven't quite wrapped my head around it all yet. It just happened last night, and I'd rather wait a little longer before we make any big announcements." She looked at me from underneath her eyelashes. "We... haven't picked a date yet, and you said yourself that we didn't have to tell anyone." Her tone became pleading. "Please? Let's keep it our secret for a little longer, okay?"

There was that word again, and I could deny her nothing.

"Okay," I nodded with a forced shrug. "Whatever pleases you, love." I'd have to head off Alice as soon as they got home so she wouldn't blurt it out. Maybe I should send her a text message as a warning not to bring it up.

"I'll be right back," I told Bella with a smile, then walked out to the living room to type out a message on my cellphone and sent it to Alice, hoping she would grant me this favor and keep her mouth shut. And hopefully, not accost Bella as soon as she came home. If I knew my little sister, her head was already full of plans for a wedding that would likely not take place in that fashion. Though Alice's wedding vision in Volterra had been very clear, that had been my intention, and not Bella's. So, I would likely not see Bella in a white dress and a long veil, walking down the aisle towards me on the arm of her father. Would not declare my never-ending devotion to her in front of our family and friends. Though I would much prefer that particular vision to come true, I would be just as happy with a quick ceremony in Vegas, as long as that made Bella mine.

And more than anything, I wanted to make this wedding whatever Bella preferred. Her choice. Always her choice. It had been that way from the beginning.

Eventually, noon rolled around and with it my family. Alice had sent me a response message earlier, a veiled threat that had my stomach in knots. I really didn't want her to talk to Bella, but knowing Alice, she would plow her way through any obstacles.

We were back in the living room as they all came in, one after the other. Jasper and Carlisle were deep in conversation about the upcoming battle, Esme slowly walking behind them, Emmett plopped himself onto the couch and flicked on the TV, and Rosalie was headed upstairs to clean up. Alice flitted into the room and immediately shot me a glaring look. She was already in a snit. A sense of dread started in the pit of my stomach.

"_Some brother you are. The whole family would be happy for you if only they knew. You're engaged. We could have an absolutely fabulous wedding, and you're thinking of running off to Vegas._" She snorted. "_Can I at least try to convince her otherwise?_"

I returned the glare and shook my head imperceptibly.

She changed the subject, but I knew I wasn't off the hook. Alice was looking ahead into the night to give me a weather update, but the vision was spotty. She pouted, irritated that she couldn't see clearly.

"I _think _that you're going to want to pack for cold weather, Edward. I can't see where you are exactly, because you're taking off with that _dog_ this afternoon. But the storm that's coming seems particularly bad in that general area."

I nodded in thanks, and began to make a new mental list of all the things I would need to pack for our excursion. Bella's gaze shifted between Alice and me, and her hand gripped mine more firmly.

"It's going to snow on the mountains," Alice added, showing me the vision of snow flurries whirling in heavy winds.

"Ew, snow," Bella muttered.

"Wear a jacket," Alice retorted darkly. She was grumbling in her head as she turned away to find Jasper.

"_Perfect wedding dress in my closet. Finally she says yes, and I won't get to do her wedding for her. I had it all planned out. It would have been fabulous. Damn you, Edward. This is all your fault. I told you not to propose to her yet. It wasn't the right time._"

I couldn't hide the smile on my face at my sister's mental antics. Bella met my eyes, the expression on her face confused.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart," I told her. "Alice is just a little upset because she can't see the wolves. Come on, let's go pack for our adventure tonight."

I pulled a groaning Bella into the garage, where she leaned against the Volvo and silently watched me pull down the supplies we needed. A thick, down-filled sleeping back to keep her warm, a small tent to keep her out of the elements, several packages of dehydrated food, an empty canteen and six bottles of water. If there really was going to be snow on the mountains, I'd be able to use it as well to rehydrate the food. I deliberated whether I should also pack the small gas camping stove, but then decided against it. Lastly, I packed a first-aid kit. Bella's clumsiness was legendary, and it was always better to be prepared.

Bella didn't seem to be impressed with the food choices – she wrinkled her nose which prompted me to grin. I had no idea what they would taste like, and pictures on the foil packages didn't look very appetizing. Esme was heating up chicken soup in the kitchen which I would put in the canteen for Bella's dinner. I put everything except the canteen in a large backpack, which I would carry up the mountain on a trail separate from Bella and the mutt.

Somewhere in the midst of my preparations, Alice wandered into the garage and restarted her mental assault. She was now resorting to pitiful pleading. "_Edward, please. Please let me talk to Bella. I know I can convince her to agree to a real wedding, the way it should be. You can't deny that you'd like that idea better as well. I know you don't want to get married in Vegas. Edward – pleeeaase._"

I ignored her. When I was finished with the backpack, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and handed it to Bella.

"Why don't you call Jacob and tell him we'll be ready for him in an hour or so. He knows where to meet us." I gave her a quick smile, though I was already apprehensive at letting her leave with the dog later on.

She quickly dialed the number. "Hi, Billy, it's Bella. Is Jacob home?"

I didn't get a chance to listen to the conversation as Alice immediately launched into another argument.

"_Edward – come on. You know as well as I do that you would much prefer having the wedding here. Don't deny it_. _I know how you react every time you see that vision of her in a wedding dress. Good grief, Edward, that dress upstairs has been hanging there for a while now, and I was lucky to get it here so quickly. Designer gowns take time. Do you have any idea what hoops I had to jump through to get this done? Yeah, I know you don't know what it looks like, but still... She will be so beautiful in it. Think of that. Think of the family. You are the last one to get married. There won't be another chance. Please, Edward._" She stared at me, with her arms on her hips. It was comical. Alice not getting her way was a sight to behold, but I'd long become immune to her manipulations, especially when it came to Bella. As much as I loved my sister, Bella was more important.

"That's all beside the point, Alice. I want this to be what Bella wants, and if she's more comfortable with an elopement to Vegas, then that's what we'll do," I hissed at her under my breath, while keeping an eye on Bella to make sure she didn't catch the conversation. She seemed to be finishing up.

"Leave it alone, Alice," I insisted as Bella shut the phone and walked over to where we were standing, her hand outstretched with the phone in her palm.

"_Please, Edward. Let me at least try to change her mind. Think of how much it would mean to Esme and Carlisle if you got married here at home_. _They've been waiting so long to see you happy_." Alice pulled her most dangerous weapon from her arsenal – the sad puppy dog face. I frowned at her, knowing that she would use the same face on Bella, and my sweet girl would crumble under the onslaught of guilt.

"Billy said to tell you 'good luck'." Bella's face was smiling but her eyes were not. She was looking from Alice to me and back to Alice, a curious expression flashing across her features. I supposed she was wondering what we were discussing, but there was no way in hell I would tell her. Not even if she asked.

I took her phone from her and put in back in my pocket. I was actually a little surprised that Billy Black had uttered that sentiment. Perhaps there really was a stronger truce on the horizon. It made me a little more hopeful for the future, and the continuation of the treaty, once Bella was changed, at least in a somewhat modified form. Perhaps we'd be allowed to at least return on occasion so Bella could see her father again, albeit from a safe distance. And certainly down the road, many years from now, be allowed to attend his funeral, as morbid as the thought was.

"That was generous of him," I said, stepping away from Alice.

"Bella, could I please speak to you alone," my sister swiftly injected before I had a chance to whisk Bella out of the garage.

My teeth snapped shut and I glared at her. "You're about to make my life harder than it needs to be, Alice," I seethed through my teeth. "I'd really rather you didn't."

"This isn't about you, Edward," she snapped at me. I raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but laugh. My own wedding wasn't about me? Really? And here I'd been thinking that a wedding was actually all about the happy couple, but I must have been misinformed.

Alice knew me well enough to get a fairly good picture of what I was thinking. "It's not," she insisted. "This is a female thing."

Pictures of flowers, and white dresses, and garlands of ivy and blooms, piano music, chairs and a humongous wedding cake danced through her head. I watched Bella walk down an aisle of flower petals above a white runner, the center of attention as Rosalie played the wedding march on my piano. Bella's face, though hidden beneath a gossamer veil, was bright red. The vision wasn't really a vision – it was what Alice thought our wedding should be, and it was far removed from what I knew Bella would be comfortable with.

"_Come on, Edward. You know it's what you want. I'll get her to agree_."

I frowned at her, unsure what to do. If Alice unleashed her powers of persuasion on Bella, my sweet girl wouldn't know what hit her.

"Let her talk to me," Bella piped up on my side, her expression still curious.

I gave up. "You asked for it," I grumbled, wanting to spare her the guilt Alice would subject her to, but a tiny voice at the back of my head told me to shut up. Alice was right – I did want the whole shebang. Ever since that first vision, I wanted the fairytale wedding. Purely for selfish reasons as I knew that Bella would hate every minute of such a big production.

Alice was performing a mental victory dance, premature as it was. I could see her plan forming in her head, and it was brilliant – perfectly designed to get her what she wanted. Bella didn't stand a chance. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall during that conversation. Then I remembered I didn't need to be. I was a vampire and I would be able to hear them from inside the house.

As would everyone else inside. So much for keeping our engagement a secret. I should probably tell everyone now and inform them not to say a word. A laugh burst out, colored by the warring emotions inside me, and snatching the empty canteen, I left Bella with Alice and went inside. I handed the canteen to Esme with a word of thanks and a smile.

Then my burning curiosity got the better of me, and I stood just inside the door to the garage and shamelessly eavesdropped as my sister attempted to convince Bella of the merits of having a real wedding. She sat down on the Porsche's hood and started out by making her voice sound sad. "Bella?"

I watched Bella through Alice's eyes. Emmett looked up from the couch and saw me standing by the door. "What are you doing, Edward?"

"Sshhh," I hissed. "Be quiet."

He wandered over and listened as well. "_What's going on?_"

Bella had wrapped her arm around Alice's shoulder and was attempting to comfort her. "What's wrong, Alice?"

"Don't you love me?" Alice asked her, in that same pitiful voice.

"She's laying it on thick, isn't she?" Emmett whispered beside me. I simply nodded. "What does the little imp want?"

I sighed, not wanting to tell him but knowing that I had to before he heard it himself and boomed the news through the house. I called out quietly to the rest of my family and they quickly convened in the middle of the living room, looking at me expectantly.

"I have an announcement to make," I said slowly, "but before I do, I need you to promise that you will keep these news quiet. It's sort of... a secret, so you can't talk about it. Yet. Or mention it to anyone. And Emmett - no shouting, no innuendos, no nothing." I looked at all of them, as they nodded their consent, all very curious as to what I would have to say. A smile began to form on my face as I looked at the faces of my family, and pure and simple joy began to spread from my silent heart through the rest of my body, settling into every single frozen cell.

"Wait," Jasper said. "What about Alice?"

"Oh, she already knows," I grinned. "She's having a girl talk with Bella right now," I added with a smirk.

"_Shit, Edward, I don't think I've felt this much happiness from you ever_. _What happened last night? Did you..._ _ya know_?" Jasper immediately dismissed the idea. "_No, of course you didn't. I'm sorry. That was stupid. How could you possibly... sorry, Edward. Forget I thought that._"

Emmett, crude as ever, also had a comment. "_Did little Eddie finally see some action_?" I glared at him in response, but he just grinned.

Both of them were closer to the truth than I cared to admit.

"_Now you're embarrassed? What's going on_?"

Jasper looked towards the garage, and they all were hearing Alice's accusation of running off to Vegas as Esme clasped her hands over her mouth, and everyone's thoughts suddenly exploded.

"Really, Edward? Is it... are you... " The words didn't fully form on Esme's lips but I could see them in her head, and in everyone else's, and nodded.

From the garage, I heard Bella blaming me for the Vegas idea and Alice's low blow in retort.

_Nice_.

"Yes, Esme. Last night I asked Bella to marry me and she said yes." That wasn't quite how it had happened, but I would keep the rest of that conversation to myself for now. My exultation broke free at speaking those cherished words, the joy forcing its way to the surface, and Esme rushed towards me with hugs and squeals of delight. "Oh, sweet boy, congratulations. That is wonderful news."

Carlisle's smile was blinding as he, too, hugged me fiercely. Jasper and Emmett slapped my shoulders, both of them grinning hugely, and even Rosalie's mouth lifted in a smile. Their thoughts were full of happiness for me and Bella.

"Bella wants to keep the news quiet for now, and she didn't want me to tell you yet, but as you can see, Alice had other ideas," I noted with a shrug. "Please, for my sake, pretend that you don't know. I am utterly elated, as you can all imagine, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. She's very worried about the fight tomorrow. Perhaps, after this is all over, we'll make the official announcement. It was all a little spur of the moment, I suppose. Not that I haven't had the intention for months, but I haven't even spoken to Charlie yet to ask for her hand." That wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to. I noticed I was rambling, so I shut up to listen to the shenanigans going on inside the garage.

Emmett went to stand beside Rosalie and pulled her into a hug, as Carlisle put his hands on my shoulder and squeezed. "_Congratulations, son. I'm so happy for you_."

"Thank you."

In the garage, Alice had resorted to shameless wheedling. We all listened quietly, smiling at each other, as Alice begged and pleaded, and Bella groaned.

"No! Don't do this to me." She moved away from Alice and stood in front of her, with her arms crossed under her heaving chest. My breath caught in my throat.

_Oh, God. Now I'm ogling her through my sister's eyes. How much lower can I sink_?

"_Jeez, Edward. Feeling a little lusty, are ya_? _Is yesterday wearing off already?_" Jasper grinned wickedly, and I closed my eyes for a second as the embarrassment rapidly replaced the desire. Thankfully, Emmett did not catch on.

"Did you give her your mother's ring?" Carlisle asked softly, ripping me out of my near-trance, and the image of my mother lying in her hospital bed flew through his mind, quickly followed by memories of his excursion to my childhood home to gather the mementos in my box upstairs.

I nodded, still smiling. "Yes, I did. I can't thank you enough for having the foresight to get it for me after... you know. She didn't want to wear it openly, though, so for now it's in my pocket."

"She didn't?" Rosalie asked incredulously. "Why ever not?"

I sighed, and thought of a way to make it sound better than it actually was. "You know how Bella is – she doesn't want to be the center of attention, and I suppose it goes with the theme of keeping it quiet. I'm sure when she's more comfortable with the whole idea, she'll ask me for it."

"I don't understand, Edward," Esme whispered. "Why wouldn't she be comfortable with the idea of being engaged?"

"It's a long story, Esme, and now is not the time to tell that story." My voice became a little sharper than I had intended, or than Esme deserve. Her eyes went wide, her thoughts became concerned and I felt chagrined. "Sorry. Really, it's no big deal. I'll tell you later."

She looked at me for a second longer, but then chose not to pursue the topic. I gave her a quick hug and she kissed my cheek, before she handed me the now filled canteen.

We listened to the rest of the conversation on the other side of the door. Bella was groaning again. Alice was bouncing in place, smelling victory. "Please? Please, please, please, please, please?"

Emmett laughed. Rosalie chuckled, as did Carlisle. Jasper grimaced.

"Poor Bella," Esme said.

I started to feel worried. If Alice didn't let up on this emotional assault, guilting Bella into doing things the way my sister thought they should be done, perhaps Bella would decide to cancel the whole thing. I moved to open the door, but hesitated for a moment.

"I'll never, never ever forgive you for this, Alice," Bella groaned, but I could hear in her tone of voice that she had given up on trying to resist my sister.

Alice knew it, too. "Yay," she squealed, and Jasper laughed quietly at her antics, as she clapped her hands. He knew exactly what it was like to be on the receiving end of Alice's gift of persuasion.

"That's _not_ a yes," Bella snapped at her.

"But it will be," Alice sang happily.

"Edward!" Bella's angry shout served to quickly disperse the eavesdroppers as she stomped away from Alice. "I know you're listening. Get over here."

"_Good luck, Edward_," Emmett thought with a laugh as Rosalie pulled him upstairs.

"Remember," I said fiercely. "Not a word."

Bella was angry, and I didn't blame her. I dropped the canteen by the backpack.

"Thanks so much, Alice," I snapped at her with sarcasm dripping from my teeth as I worriedly walked towards Bella who was facing away from me. She turned around at the sound of my voice, and I saw the tears brimming in her eyes. I anxiously opened my arms for her as she threw hers around my neck and hid her face in my shirt.

"Vegas," I whispered in her ear. I'd be damned, no pun intended, if I let my sister go against Bella's wishes. I glared at Alice over Bella's head.

"Not a chance," Alice retorted, having heard my promise to Bella. "Bella would never do that to me. You know, Edward, as a brother, you are sometimes a disappointment."

"Be nice," Bella muttered from my chest. "He's trying to make me happy, unlike you."

I smiled at her defense of me and used Alice's usual retort – I stuck my tongue out at her. She laughed then sobered quickly.

"_I think the two of you will be like Jasper and I – you'll only marry once. There won't be any second chances at that ceremony. I want to make this the most special day it can be – for both of you. I hope you understand that, Edward. She doesn't yet comprehend how her perspective will change once she's one of us. Eternity is a long time, and you're only going to get the one chance at getting it right the first __time._"

Alice was using sound reasoning, and I found myself agreeing with her argument, but I still felt compelled to make that day about Bella, and Alice had a tendency to completely take over the planning, and that just wouldn't do for such a momentous occasion. After a moment of silent communication, Alice spoke to Bella again.

"I'm trying to make you happy, too, Bella. It's just that I know better what will make you happy... in the long run. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not for fifty years, but definitely someday."

Bella's snort was instantaneous as she pulled her head back to look at my sister. "I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be willing to bet against you, Alice, but it has arrived."

Alice trilled another laugh. "So, are you going to show me ring?"

_Crap_.

The horrified expression that contorted Bella's face did not escape my notice, and the sting of rejection pierced me again.

Damn it. Another oversight. I should have foreseen that Alice would ask about the ring – the same one that was currently residing in my pant pocket where it would stay until Bella asked me for it. Whenever that day came.

Alice grabbed Bella's left hand, blinked and dropped it. "Huh. I saw him put it on you..."

She glanced at me swiftly. "_Where is it? What happened to it? Edward_?"

"Did I miss something?" Her eyes glazed over for a second and the images of a somewhat toned-down wedding, more to my and Bella's liking, flitted through her head. "No. Wedding's still on."

"Bella has issues with jewelry," I remarked dryly and my fiancée's beautiful cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink.

"_But the bracelet..._"

"What's one more diamond?" Alice exclaimed, pointing to my token of affection dangling from the bracelet. "Well, I guess the ring has lots of diamond, but my point is he's already got one on--- "

_Shut up_!

"Enough," I barked at Alice, cutting her off, and my eyes narrowed menacingly, my lips curling back over my teeth. This had gone far enough, and my sister's big mouth would ruin everything. If Bella had any idea that the diamond heart I had affixed to her bracelet last night had a worth in the six figures range, she'd demand I take it off. "We're in a hurry," I added when I saw the flash of hurt on Alice's face, and tried to convey with my facial expression why I was being so short with her.

The proverbial penny dropped in Alice's head. "_Oh. I get it. She doesn't know it's real? Damn, Edward, how did you pull that off_?"

I allowed a small grin to flit across my face.

"I don't understand," Bella said, sounding confused and I thanked my lucky stars that she hadn't made the connection. "What's that about diamonds?"

"We'll talk about it later," Alice waved her off. "Edward is right – you'd better get going. You've got to set a trap and make camp before the storm comes."

"_I hope you packed well. You'll be no help to her if the storm hits wherever you're hiding her_." Alice frowned and I could see the worry and apprehension in her thoughts as she again tried in vain to get a clear picture of the upcoming night. "Don't forget your coat, Bella. It seems... unseasonably cold."

"I've already got it," I injected quickly.

"Have a nice night," Alice quipped, with just a hint of sarcasm, and jumped off her Porsche to run inside.

I turned to Bella and forced an easy smile. "Alright, my love, let's go lay the trap." The enormity of what we were about to do hit me then. The anxiety and worry for my family that I had suppressed all night and all day, came back in full force. "Actually, did you want to say good-bye to the family before we leave?"

"Yes, sure," Bella answered. "Of course. Do we have time?"

"We'll make the time," I replied. "Come on."

I pulled her inside the house, and we quickly gathered everyone. Bella hugged Esme and Carlisle, got a bear hug from Emmett, and a wink, which made her blush, and shook Rosalie's hand. Jasper and Alice were upstairs and waved from the banister.

As we walked out, my family left me with a few parting thoughts of good luck and keeping Bella safe and not to worry about them.

"_You keep her safe, Edward, or I will kick your sorry ass to kingdom come, you got that? I am somewhat fond of her_." Rosalie added a parting shot.

_Duly noted_.

I nodded at her in response. A few minutes later, Bella and I left the garage, the now-bulky backpack slung across my back, and Bella in front of me, safe in my arms. I took a long, tortuous route to the clearing, taking care to enter the large space from a direction completely on the opposite side from where Bella would leave with Jacob. Once we arrived at our destination, in the general area where we wanted the newborns to emerge from the surrounding forest, I gently set her on her feet.

High winds whipped through the open space, leaves were swirling across the ground, and despite Alice's fuzzy visions, I could nearly smell the oncoming storm. This was not going to be an easy night.

The sunlight caught the diamond on her wrist and sparkled as brightly as my hardened shell. The prisms reflected against her luminescent skin and illuminated the sheer beauty of her face. I kissed her quickly on her forehead and pulled her in for a hug before separating us.

"All right. Just walk north for a ways, touching as much as you can. Alice gave me a clear picture of their path, and it won't take long for us to intersect it."

"North?"

I smiled at my directionally challenged sweetheart and pointed it out for her. She slowly set out into the woods, trailing her hands, her fingers over anything she could reach while upright. Her scent was left on the fern fronds, boulders covered with moss, trees, underbrush – leaving a trail of Bella through the dense forest, luring the newborns right to the spot where we wanted them. I walked parallel to her; about twenty yards separating us to ensure that her scent trail was not marred by my own.

The required separation burned my insides and I had to stop myself more than once from just dashing over to her to wrap her in my arms and kiss her senseless. The rays of the afternoon sun broke through the trees and caught in her soft, wavy hair, making the mahogany tresses shimmer with russet undertones. She looked like an angel, with a halo of sunlight crowning her head.

"Am I doing this right?" Bella called out.

"Perfectly," I replied and smiled at the intensity with which she performed her small contribution to the fight. Her eyebrows were scrunched up in concentration, as she walked along, leaving her scent in as many spots as possible. I was aware how much she wanted to assist us in any way she could, and how helpless she felt in light of her limitations. What she didn't understand, though, was that her contribution to laying this trap was more than any of us could have done.

Bella's face lit up, and she ran her hands through her hair, catching a few strands between her fingers, draping them over the underbrush. "Will this help?"

"Yes, that does make the trail stronger," I answered, grumbling under my breath about her going to the extremes and trying to discourage her from doing that again. I had a small, jealously guarded collection of Bella hair in my room – errant strands that were left on the pillows when she slept over, some that I had plucked off her shirt without her noticing. "But you don't need to pull your hair out, Bella. It will be fine," I chided her gently.

I grumbled again about her wanting to leave those precious strands for the newborns to find, a low growl in my chest at the need for laying the false trail in the first place. I wished again that I were able to lay my hands around the neck of the vicious vampire that had created this army, and then rip the head right off. If only we knew who it was.

"I've got a few I can spare," she replied lightly, waving her hand dismissively to underscore her words, as I watched her pull out a few more and bend down to drape it over a branch that blocked her path. She gingerly stepped over it, and nearly lost her footing. I grimaced slightly – her clumsiness knew no bounds, and I wanted so badly to hold her hand and help her through the woods so she would not fall. Alas, I knew I could not because that would utterly defeat the purpose of this excursion.

Bella now had an expression of contempt on her face, a slight decrease from her earlier anger at my irrepressible sister. I knew that at some point I'd have to bring up the conversation she had with Alice earlier, and assure her that she did not have to fall in line with whatever Alice had concocted in her pretty little head.

"You don't need to let Alice have her way, you know," I said rather abruptly into the silence.

"Don't worry about it, Edward. I'm not going to leave you at the altar, regardless." A grimace flashed across her face but was wiped away by a more pensive look.

While what she had insinuated was part of my worry, albeit a small one, since the Bella I knew would not shirk from a commitment once it had been made, my greater concern was that she would get the wedding she wanted.

All I truly cared about was that my ring would go on her left hand, and that her last name would finally match mine. That she was going to be mine for eternity. My possessive nature, the predatory animal in me, wanted to mark her for all to see, and those were the socially acceptable marks of this generation, and mine.

"That's not what I'm worried about," I replied, giving voice to my thoughts, and trying to reassure the small voice at the back of my head that whispered those fears to me regardless. "I want this to be what you want it to be."

Bella didn't answer, though her breath came out as a sigh that she quickly suppressed. I kept my eyes on her profile, while my frozen heart tried to understand the meaning of her lack of response. She knew how Alice was, of course, so perhaps she had already resigned herself to the fact that my annoying little sister would do whatever she wanted, and run roughshod over Bella without any regard for what she might prefer. Bella's face certainly indicated those thoughts.

And I had learned in the past fifty years or so, that whatever Alice wanted, Alice got. Though I was largely unaffected, I knew that Alice would do whatever she had to in order to get her way. My only hope would be to tone it down, to restrain her. Vegas was no longer an option. But even with Alice involved in the planning, there was room for us to make the wedding our own.

"Well, even if she does get her way, we can keep it small," I told Bella in consolation. "Just us. Emmett can get a clerical license off the Internet." And he would probably do a terrific job at it, too. Despite his boisterous, happy-go-lucky nature, Emmett had an immense capacity for deep thoughts and emotions. His way of handling Rosalie, especially in the very beginning, while she was struggling with keeping her memories alive, struggling to come to terms with this life and what had happened to her to make her one of us, had been exemplary. He understood her like no other, and he could calm her down, or revive her spirits, whenever the need arose. Most of that was done in their bedroom – both of them were highly sexual creatures, but for both the underlying emotions ran deep and everlasting.

Bella giggled at the suggestion. "That does sound better."

"See," I said, smiling, happy that she was laughing again. "There's always a compromise."

We'd walked in a fairly straight line for over a mile now, and were by now in the area where Alice had seen the newborns intercept Bella's scent.

"Alright, sweetheart, this is far enough," I called out to her, wishing again I could just close the distance between us and kiss her, touch her, hold her. "Let's head back, and stay on the same path."

"Edward, we both know the chance of that is slim," she answered in a self-deprecating voice, grinning. "It's all various shades of green to my human eyes."

I chuckled. "Very well, Bella. I'll lead the way. Just stay parallel to me, alright?"

She nodded and we headed back the way we'd come. Bella soldiered on through the forest, still touching everything possible in her path, occasionally pulling another few strands of hair from her gorgeous tresses.

We had almost reached the clearing again when finally the expected happened. She'd sped up just slightly, eagerly moving towards the sunlight, when her foot caught on a root and she fell forward, catching herself on a low tree branch.

My throat burst into infernal flames and I smelled the flowing blood from a gash where the branch had cut the soft skin of her her palm. Thirst did not even register. There was no frenzy. The monster lusting for her blood stirred once but was quickly beaten down by my love for this glorious girl, and didn't even try to break free of the chains. I was still a monster, yes, but a monster muzzled.

"Ouch! Oh, fabulous," she muttered.

"Are you alright?" I asked though I already knew she was bleeding, but I wanted to ensure that she had come to no further harm. I hadn't heard her twist her ankle – she had caught herself quickly enough.

"I'm fine," she said rapidly, sounding worried and concerned. "Stay where you are. I'm bleeding. It will stop in a minute."

While I could appreciate her selfless concern, I would do no such thing and quickly dashed over to her, no longer caring about intermingling my scent with hers. We were close enough to the clearing that it wouldn't matter anyway. She gasped softly as I materialized next to her, and a flicker of chagrin passed through her eyes, quickly replaced again by concern.

Pulling the backpack off, I began rummaging through it. "I've got a first-aid kit," I told her solicitously. "I had a feeling I might need it," I added in a teasing tone of voice.

"It's not bad," she insisted, cradling the bleeding palm in her other hand, and turning slightly away from me. "I can take care of it – you don't have to make yourself uncomfortable." Her selflessness knew no bounds. I was in complete awe of her.

Oh, my sweet Bella. She had no idea how completely that issue had been buried, how much I had changed, and how I no longer thirsted for her blood. And how could she have known? I certainly hadn't mentioned it – there just had never been an opportune time. What was I supposed to have said? By the way, Bella, you still smell as glorious as ever, but instead of lusting for your blood, I now lust solely for you body? What kind of gentleman would I be, if I disclosed my depravity to her?

"I'm not uncomfortable," I replied, my voice as calm and collected as I felt. "Here – let me clean it."

I could tell that she was trying to keep from fainting, breathing only through her mouth. She looked at me, confounded for a moment, but then her face brightened a bit.

"Wait a second, I just got another idea." She pressed her bleeding palm against a rock, jutting out from the forest floor just a few inches away.

"What are you doing?" I asked incredulously, as she started towards the clearing, continuously pressing her hand against tree trunks, more rocks, fallen branches and rubbing it over the various ferns. I had to hand it to her, though – this was a rather brilliant idea.

"Jasper will _love_ this," she mumbled happily as I shook my head and picked the backpack off the ground. "I'll be this really gets them going."

I couldn't help but give an exasperated sigh at her enthusiasm as she smeared her precious blood and risked possible infection of the wound.

"Hold your breath," she advised me, misunderstanding, and I suppressed a grimace, remembering the last time I'd had to hold my breath around her, when I had pushed her into a stack of glass plates, trying to prevent Jasper from killing her, on that disastrous birthday. The sudden anguish of that memory was rendering me unable to breathe for a moment.

What a difference that one day in Italy had made. A twenty-four hour period during which I had been erroneously convinced that she was forever gone from me. Sure, my throat was on fire now, but after having lived through that kind of anguish and mind-shattering pain, there was nothing now that would ever tempt me again, no amount of blood flowing freely from her body that would make me want to drink from her. I knew at this point that I could _taste_ her blood and not want to kill her.

"I'm fine," I assured her. "I just think you're going overboard."

"This is all I get to do," she insisted, her mouth settling into a petulant pout. "I want to do a good job."

We had finally reached the clearing again, and Bella trailed her injured palm once more over the ferns.

"Well, you have," I muttered, feeling awed and blessed and scared and unworthy of this glorious creature I would get to call my own. "The newborns will be frantic, and Jasper will be very impressed with your dedication. Now let me treat your hand – you've gotten the cut dirty."

"Let me do it, please," she insisted, but I ignored her, taking her hand gently into my own and examined the gash, smiling, breathing evenly.

"This doesn't bother me anymore," I said proudly. I could feel her eyes burning into my skull as she scrutinized my demeanor. I knew what she was doing – she was searching for any kind of indication that this would be too much for me to handle, that I would snap, but that was the farthest thing from my mind. I quickly cleaned the cut with an anti-bacterial wipe, pulled a band-aid from the kit and smoothed it gently over her palm.

"Why not?" Her voice sounded utterly incredulous.

I gave a nonchalant shrug and raised my eyes to hers, still smiling. "I got over it."

Bella's mouth fell open in a gasp as she stared at me silently for a moment. "You... _got over it_? When? How?"

I pursed my lips as I thought about how best to explain this to her, explain how immensely my whole world had changed when the anguish had burned me and she had saved me so thoroughly. In the end, I settled for straightforward.

"I lived through an entire twenty-four hour period thinking that you were dead, Bella. That changed the way I look at a lot of things."

Or I could hedge.

"Did it change the way I smell to you?" she challenged.

"Not at all," I replied quickly, determined to tell her the truth. Her scent, her most glorious scent still kindled my insides and set my frozen heart alight. And then I began to fumble as the horrendous pain of that day shot through me and rendered me near breathless. "But... having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you..." I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe. I gasped for air as I struggled to regain control of my lungs, inhaling deeply before continuing. "My reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course of action that could inspire that kind of pain again."

She was gaping openly now, frozen, utterly speechless in her surprise. I smiled at her beautiful face. "I guess that you could call it a very educational experience."

The expression on her face was priceless.

_Oh Bella, my sweet, beautiful, brave Bella_.

The urge to kiss her was overwhelming, and I took a step towards her, wanting to stay in this moment for just a bit longer, but then the high winds tore through the trees and descended into the clearing in a whirl, blowing the leaves around us and whipping Bella's hair into her face, and as she shivered from the cold, the moment was gone.

I pulled her winter coat from the backpack and handed it to her. "All right," I offered instead of a kiss. "You've done your part. Now it's out of our hands."

I helped her into the jacket and made sure that she was all zippered up, using my proximity to her to plant a quick kiss on her lips.

"Let's go camping," I said with mock enthusiasm, though my insides were slowly burning with trepidation, but Bella rewarded my attempt at humor with a peal of laughter.

Now that we had returned to the clearing, in just a few minutes, I would have to let her leave with the mutt, so he could obscure her scent with his gag-inducing stench and thus keep her safe.

And then the moronic dog intruded on my mind. "_Are you almost done, bloodsucker_?" he sneered. "_I haven't got all day_."

I carefully clasped Bella's newly-injured left hand in mine and we walked towards the other end of the clearing.

"Where are we meeting Jacob?"

"Right here," I answered, pointing to the trees as he stepped out from the shadows, arms crossed over his chest in defiance, a jacket clutched in one of his oversized paws.

"_Bout damn time, too_. _God, how does Bella deal with the smell of him? Disgusting leech stink_."

I didn't respond – there just was no need to stoop to his level – but I couldn't help the frown twisting my mouth.

"There had to be a better way to do this," I muttered darkly as he came closer and his thoughts began to assault me. He was actually looking forward to feeling Bella in his arms, remembering how small and soft she had felt two nights ago. I clenched my teeth to stop myself from charging at him, reminding myself that I needed him for Bella's sake, no matter how much I disliked this arrogant, furry, overgrown child.

"Too late now," Bella mumbled and she didn't sound any happier at the prospect of having him carry her than I was. I let out a long sigh.

I should have let her lay the false trail, and then simply taken her out of town, instead of hiding her in the mountains, especially with the storm moving in. I should have convinced her that driving south was an option, even if it meant having to dazzle her into submission, and I almost opened my mouth to speak up, when Bella greeted Jacob, my fingers twitching towards her waist, and I knew it was too late in the game to change plans now.

_Fuck_!

_How the hell am I supposed to let her leave with that fucking dog_?

_Even for a few hours, even knowing that he will keep her safe_?

_Can I trust him_? _Should I_?

I realized with a start that I had to, because there was no other option _but_ to trust him, and part of that knowledge was that because Jacob Black loved this glorious slip of a girl standing next to me nearly as much as _I_ loved her, he would, like me, die to keep her safe from harm. And while it nearly killed me to acknowledge that, I knew that she would be safe with him.

I took a deep breath and decided to be the bigger man, as the mutt gave a greeting to Bella in return.

"Hello, Jacob," I said, but my greeting fell on deaf ears as his eyes shifted from Bella to me and without acknowledging my effort, he focused on the business at hand.

"Where do I take her?"

I handed him the map I had brought with me, and watched him unfold it, as I squeezed Bella's waist before moving closer towards him, ignoring the foul odor he was emanating. "We're here now," I stated, pointing at our current location. His large form flinched at my close proximity, but he recovered himself quickly.

"_Whoa, way too close. Come on, Jake, pull it together. Fuck, that's nasty_."

Again, I didn't respond to his thoughts. "And you're taking her up here," I said instead, showing him the path up the mountain I wanted him to take. "Roughly nine miles."

He nodded. "_Good spot, too, I gotta give him that_."

"When you're about a mile away," I continued, "you should cross my path. That will lead you in. Do you need the map?"

"_I'm not an idiot, leech, I've been around_." I suppressed a sigh at his lack of internal civility, some of which bled through in his spoken words. So much for my attempt at keeping the hostility out of this. It had been a waste of time, and I should have anticipated it.

"No, thanks. I know this area pretty well. I think I know where I'm going."

"I'll take the longer route," I added, turning my gaze to Bella and letting the pain at our imminent separation flood through me. "And I'll see you in a few hours."

I stared at her for a long moment, wanting to kiss her, embrace her, feel her hot skin against mine, run away with her, instead of having to leave her here with him. I slung the backpack over my shoulders, while the mutt rolled his eyes.

"See you," Bella whispered unhappily. I blew her a kiss as I disappeared into the trees, running at full speed in the direction opposite of the one they would take, to escape any conversation they might have. Soon enough, there was only silence.

I sank to the forest floor and sobbed out my pain and anguish, let the stress and worries of the past few weeks, the uncertainty that had gripped us all, all my fears and heartache, escape through my agonized cries, while I lay there, shaking like a leaf in the high winds, on the damp ground, until the phone buzzed in my pocket. I flipped it open without looking.

"Alice?" I choked into the phone.

"Oh, Edward," my sister's voice came through the airwaves. "Do you want me to come meet you?"

"No. Yes. Maybe. No. Oh God, why is this so damn hard?"

"I know, I know. It's just for a little while, just a few hours."

I took a broken breath. "I'm sorry, Alice, for continuing to dump this all on your small shoulders. And I very much appreciate your kindness and your compassion. I'll be alright – I have to be."

She sighed on the other end of the line. "Edward – there's been a development."

I was instantly alert. "What? What have you seen?"

"Aro is sending a contingency of the guard to check on the situation in Seattle. His instructions included a quick check on Bella, disguised as a friendly visit to us, from what I could see, but either way, they'll be close enough to investigate once they get here. It's still unclear, but there's a good chance they'll arrive sooner rather than later, and from what I can tell, via private plane. There's no vision yet as to exactly when they will descend on us."

"Fuck! Sorry, Alice, but damn, that is the last thing we need. Did you see who he's sending?"

"Jane, Demetri and Felix."

I groaned into the phone. "Of course. Demetri – he'll be tracking me or you to find us. Crap. I really had no intention of ever seeing that evil little witch Jane again. What if they demand we change Bella while they're here? We're not prepared for that, and neither is she. She's not ready."

"I'll have to disagree on that, brother, but if it eases your mind, I didn't see anything like that from Aro."

"Well, we'll have to wing it if it comes to that. God, is there anything else that could possibly go wrong? Alert the family, and let me know when you have more details." I sighed in frustration.

"Of course I will. But you know, this likely means that the newborns did not originate from a Volturi command, don't you agree?"

She brought up a good point, and instant fury burst forth and burned a hot trail through my insides. "Check on Victoria," I seethed through the phone. "Bella suggested the same thing this week. If that evil bitch created those newborns, she'll probably hang out on the sidelines. If you see anything, any kind of decision from that wicked creature, tell me at once. Thank God we'll have the wolves and instantaneous communication tomorrow."

"Will do. Trust me, if it is her, and she's anywhere near, she'll meet her end. And Edward, before I let you go – I'm worried about tonight. The storm looks exceptionally bad, and I hope you packed warm enough? It is so frustrating to not be able to _see_." She was sulking, and I nearly laughed. Alice absolutely hated being blind.

"It should be alright, Alice. The tent is windproof and the sleeping bag is down-filled – it should be enough. Listen, I have to get going to make it there before the dog does – my route is a little longer. I will talk to you later."

"Okay. Keep Bella safe," she admonished me.

"Always," I promised as I got up and cleaned myself off, shutting the phone and slipping it back into my pocket. I patted the other pocket, verifying that my mother's ring was still resting there, before starting to run towards the hiding spot I had chosen. I took a circuitous route, approaching the top of the mountain from the opposite direction the dog and Bella would take, until I got within about a mile and intersected their path.

When I reached the cliff top, I made quick work of putting up the tent, anchoring it securely to the lee side of the peak, nestled against the side of rock surface, by driving the stakes deep into the stony ground, taking care to position the opening of the tent away from the direction of the oncoming storm. I unfolded the sleeping bag inside, and positioned the food and drinks in one corner.

From the far west, I saw the ominous clouds build up, dark, threatening, moving quickly towards the mountain top. Alice had been right. This storm was going to pack a wallop, and it would snow overnight. I could already feel the temperature dropping, and I realized that despite my best intentions, I hadn't packed properly for this. Bella would be hard-pressed to stay warm. It was too late to change it now, and I could only hope that she'd be warm enough inside her thick winter jacket and the sleeping bag, but at this point I doubted it. I growled angrily at my own stupidity as I anxiously paced outside of the tent, watching the tree line below and ranging my hearing outward as fas as possible.

I caught their spoken conversation as they crossed the scent trail I had left. Listening to the conversation, I found out that Jacob was the true Alpha of the pack, a position he didn't want and had so far refused. I was even more interested to learn that being Alpha meant also that Sam Uley was the current acting chief of the small tribe, until such a time that Jacob would step up and claim his birthright. Very interesting, indeed. I made a mental note to discuss this revelation with Carlisle at my first opportunity.

Apparently, he was also planning on spending the night here with Bella and me, and Seth would take over in the morning. That was unexpected, but it made sense, I supposed. Besides, there was nothing I could do about it either way. Hopefully, he wasn't planning on staying in the tent with us – that I would not appreciate at all. And it wasn't like he was going to freeze outside – his furry coat should keep him warm enough.

Flurries of snow began to dance around me as the clouds shifted closer, and the winds picked up ever more. I could hear rotten trees snapping and falling from the high gusts all through the forest below.

I picked up the dog's mental voice again, as he broke through the last of the trees and ran towards me quickly, delivering Bella into my waiting arms, our separation finally over.

"Bella!" I cried out in utter relief and rushed towards them, pulling her into my arms as soon as the mutt had set her on her feet. I ignored his recoil at my speed.

"_Gah, they are so damn fast_."

"Thank you," I told him sincerely, "that was quicker than I expected and I truly appreciate it."

"_Yeah, well, I didn't do it for you, leech_." He shrugged.

I was fully aware of that, but that in no way diminished my gratitude for the assistance he had provided today.

"Get her inside," he commanded swiftly, glancing at the suddenly cloud-laden sky and the snow swirling around our feet. "This is going to be bad – my hair's standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?"

I nodded quickly. "I all but welded it to the rock."

"Good."

"_You picked one hell of a night to camp up here, bloodsucker. Yeah, yeah, I know... save it_. _I'm aware of your reasons._"

"I'm going to change. I want to know what's going on back home."

I quickly ushered Bella into the tent, as Jacob Black hung the extra jacket on a small tree branch at the very edge of the small, open space and disappeared through the trees. Bella settled on top of the sleeping bag as I closed the zippered flaps.

Now all we had to do is make it through the night unscathed, and hope that our subterfuge would be successful.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

**A/N:** So, what say you, dear readers? Click that green button to let me know. Next up, the night in the tent. Thanks for reading... now click that button. **Also, to my great surprise, Transcendence has been nominated in The Sparkle Awards for the Romeo Award - Best Edward/Anyone Tale! Please go vote for me at www(dot)thesparkleawards(dot)webs(dot)com.** Holy crow!!! I'm totally floored by this great honor.


	24. Disclosures

**Author's Note: **Yeah - epic fail with the update time. I wrote 1/3 of the chapter and stalled out. Took another month to come up with another 1/3. Stalled again. And so, as my Christmas present to you all, I give you Chapter 24. Finally.

The long-awaited night in the tent. I hope you'll enjoy.

Many thanks to my very good friends, Bitter Shade and Bella's Executioner. Without their encouragement, support and constant supplies of Rob pics, I still wouldn't be done.

And thanks to my hubby who puts up with my shit. I love you very much.

Read on and remember reviews are an author's best friend.

Merry Christmas, ya'll.

**24. Disclosures**

Night.

The winds howled outside the tent and pushed against the waterproof fabric, bending it in, trying to push their way through to devour the small form huddled inside the utterly useless sleeping bag. I raged at myself for the hundredth time for having brought her up here. The small shelter I had erected for Bella shook with every new gust, bracing valiantly against the raging storm. The temperature had dropped considerably in the six hours since we'd first entered the tent, and once the unseasonable storm had slammed into the mountain, the snow was falling steadily.

Inside the tent, in the small space we occupied, the only heat to be had was the scorching burn in my throat, the ever-present flames her unique scent engendered.

Easily ignored as part of the price I gladly paid to be near her, thanking the Creator who must have broken the mold the day she was born.

There was none like her, and there never again would be.

Once the snow started, she'd asked me if it was also snowing in the lower elevations, in the clearing. I'd shaken my head, explaining that the temperature down there would be warm enough to transform the flakes to rain before they even hit the ground. That had set off another worry in her mind – would the rain wash away the trail she had so painstakingly laid, a trail on which she had shed her precious blood. I gritted my teeth at the memory, as my silent heart swelled once more with relief at the thought of positive proof of what I had known deep down inside for a while – I would never again be tempted by her blood.

I assured her, that despite the weather, her scent would still be clear as day come morning.

Even after drinking the hot chicken soup, Bella was shivering, despite being wrapped in her winter coat, and the thick sleeping bag. I had since given up breathing for fear that my cold breath would make her freeze even more, and sat crouched in the farthest corner of the tent, as far away from her as possible, trying to shield her from my cold body temperature.

I yearned feverishly to wrap my arms around her, feeling her body molding to mine. The fact that I could not for fear of chilling her further caused the fissures in my frozen heart to ripple from the fierce pain this knowledge bred. I cursed my wretched existence, the body I had woken up to when Carlisle had changed me, wishing I could give her all she needed, everything she deserved and more, and in this extreme situation especially the body heat I could not produce.

_If only I were human_...

But there was no point in following that trail of thought, because I was not human and never would be again, and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. The fates had been decided long ago, and no matter how much I raged against the hand I'd been dealt, I was stuck in my current form, useless to Bella in this situation, helpless to make it better for her, and a monster for having so selfishly pulled her into my world.

If I had known then what I knew now, would I have been able to resist her? Stay away from her? I didn't think so. Though, our initial meeting had been disastrous, and I cringed whenever I thought back to that moment. I'd run away, convinced she was a demon sent to me straight from hell, tempting me to throw away everything I had worked for. I had come back from Alaska a week after fleeing from her scent, seeing her eyes in my mind the whole time, telling myself all the while that this small slip of a girl, a human to boot, would not keep me from my family.

Little did I know at the time that I had already fallen so hard for her, loved her so deeply that living without her would be merely existing. And I knew what _that_ felt like.

But that was then. After the last eighteen months, even thinking about a life without Bella set off an agony so fierce and so excruciating that breathing became an impossibility. I needed her. There was no greater truth. I was _nothing_ without her. She completed me in ways I'd never even imagined possible.

The winds howled, the tent rattled and Bella shivered uncontrollably. I clenched my teeth, silently screaming against the storm that made our hide-out place so untenable.

The worthless dog, in his animal form, had been belligerently berating me in his mind for the last two hours straight. His choice of language was immature and improper, insulting me at every turn, and I wasn't sure how much more I could take before I snapped completely and made from him a fine fur coat to keep Bella warm.

At least, with him outside, he wasn't polluting the air inside the tent.

I'd been shamelessly listening to his conversations with the rest of the pack – a few of them were monitoring the woods and running patrol. Carlisle had given them permission to include parts of our land, and cross the boundary lines. My siblings were also gearing up for battle, based on my last phone conversation with Alice. They would be lying in wait come morning.

I knew the dog's motivation behind his accusations – he was nearly as worried about Bella's welfare in this weather as I – but every time he whined out a protest, the high-pitched sound piercing my ears almost to the point of pain, Bella would stammer out an order for him to leave, and it drove me up the wall each and every time.

I couldn't help but shake my head at her. Here she was, a few degrees from freezing half to death, and she was telling the mutt to go, concerned about his well-being, not realizing that his higher than usual body temperature combined with his shaggy fur kept him safe from exposure to the elements. _He_ wasn't cold – not even a little bit. The snow melted around him where he lay; I could hear the drips of icy water where the flakes hit his body and dissolved.

It wasn't so much what he was thinking – it was that his thoughts were true, and that hit me deeper and more painfully than anything else. I'd been a fool, thinking this was a good idea – to hide Bella up here in the mountains. I'd been a fool thinking I had packed warm enough for the storm Alice had warned me about. I'd been a fool not to take Bella out of town.

Combined with my own thoughts of utter failure with this in hindsight asinine plan, the mutt was simply grating on my mind, relentless in his pursuit to drive me insane.

And my lone grasp on sanity was the freezing girl inside the tent. Bella's teeth were chattering, and had been for the last hour or so, and I was nearly going out of my mind with worry and indecision. I had suggested, numerous times, to take her down the mountain and bring her back to my house, but she had refused to budge, and in light of the freezing temperature outside the tent, I had to admit that she would likely be a complete icicle before we had even moved more than a mile.

I tried again anyway. It would only take a few minutes to get her to the house, and then I could put her in front of a blazing fire, to let the flames do what I could not. Warm her up.

"Come, Bella, please – we have gone past the point of insanity. Let me take you down the mountain. It won't take long, not in a straight line. It'll be much faster than this afternoon. The further down we get, the higher the temperatures will be. And once we get home, I'll build you a fire and you'll warm up in no time." I moved towards her, but was stopped by her response.

"N-n-n-no, E-e-e-edward. I-i-i-i'd rather n-n-n-not. T-t-t-t-too c-c-c-cold."

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I whimpered, hating myself for my foolishness, my selfishness, my existence, "so sorry for putting you through this. I should have known better, I should have---"

She silenced me with a look, pure love shining in her eyes. "Sshh," she whispered, "I-i-i-i know."

I slunk back into my corner, holding my breath. She was right, of course. It would be utterly foolish to even consider running with her through this weather. The tent at least held off the raging winds. Outside of it, she'd be exposed to the elements and possibly suffer frostbite to her extremities before I could get her safely home. It was a veritable risk, and one that I, despite my misgivings about staying put, was not really willing to take.

My inability to do anything purposefully and helpfully sent a fiery storm through my insides. I wanted to touch her so badly, so desperately, hold her in my arms and tell her that everything would be all right.

_If only I were human_...

Out of nowhere, I was hit by another thought. For a split second, my mind focused on another scenario. If she were already changed, already one of us, my kind, she would not be lying here, freezing, shivering, convulsing from the cold. She'd be just as comfortable as I in this atrocious weather.

Just as quickly, my conscience smote me and I was utterly disgusted with myself for even entertaining the thought. How selfish could I be? What did my impotence, my anguish matter when she was lying there, freezing, enduring this most grievous cold without complaint?

The storm was not showing any signs of letting up. There were still four hours left until dawn, and the temperature would likely drop even more. I didn't know what to do or how to proceed – I felt helpless and impotent. I was absolutely no good to her in this situation, and I knew it, and I hated myself for it. I wished that I could warm her up, wrap her in my arms and unfreeze her body with the heat and passion of my love for her – but that was just one of the many things I'd never be able to give her.

Warmth.

I had supernatural strength and speed. My mind was able to process information faster than any human. And still, for all my increased abilities, for all the strength and speed, I had never felt so powerless and utterly useless in my entire existence.

I was scared and aggravated. I had no control over the situation, and it made me furious, it shook my to my core. I wasn't used to not being in control, and I hated the feeling.

With every shiver that convulsed Bella's small form, I died a little more inside.

And if the dog uttered another derogatory comment in his head, I would gladly detach it from his neck and spare myself further aggravation for the rest of the night. It certainly wouldn't take long to dispatch him.

The minutes ticked by slowly. Her heartbeat, the metronome of my existence, increased further, her breathing shallow and fast. I knew the signs of hypothermia, and she was getting closer; her core temperature had already dropped a few decimals.

Bella spoke once more, her lowering body temperature indicated by the stutter of the words she forced through her rattling teeth. "W-w-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?"

She searched for my eyes in the darkness of the tent, and I felt myself reaching out for before snatching my hand back. I couldn't touch her. She was already too cold.

Outside, the winds shrieked louder.

"Two," I replied grimly, through clenched teeth, trying my hardest to speak without releasing any cold air from my lungs. I looked at her with desperation and berated myself again. My girl, my love, my _fiancée_ was freezing, and I couldn't just sit here quietly, without at least attempting to make it better for her, to do something.

Anything.

"Maybe..." I was about to suggest yet again that perhaps we should leave our shelter and run fast as the wind back home. I'd gladly carry her in my arms – hell, at this point, I'd let the dog carry her, if it meant that she would be warm again. Bella cut me off.

"No, I'm f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really. I don't w-w-w-want to g-go outside." She stubbornly insisted on staying put, and continue to shiver her way through the rest of the night.

Four more hours.

Alice had texted me that the storm would clear by daybreak, and that the temperatures would rise quickly once the sun came out, even at our high altitude. She couldn't give me any more information as she couldn't see either of us at this point, due to the proximity of the rotten cur outside the tent.

I wished impotently that I could speed up the passage of time, just this once, so daybreak would come sooner rather than later, and Bella's torment would be over.

I wasn't certain that I could wait four more hours and watch my only love freeze inside the cramped quarters of our shelter before going insane and completely losing my mind. The pain of watching her shiver and shake inside the sleeping bag that had proven to be utterly inefficient against the cold was burning me alive. It nearly broke my long-silent heart that I was failing her so miserably. In my misguided attempt in keeping her from harm, keeping her safe from the newborns and their maker, I was in actuality harming her.

I was a failure, plain and simple. A monstrosity.

It was a stark reminder of my arrogance – the same that had led me on the path of leaving her, exposing her to Laurent, hunted by Victoria, and made her seek comfort and safety with a pack of overgrown mutts.

I was not good for her. The current situation glaringly pointed to that conclusion. I put her in danger at every turn, despite my best intentions. My road to hell was paved with them, and the inferno was engulfing me now. I felt myself burn in the pits of hell, my punishment for my lack of strength, unable to stay away from her from the moment I had met this glorious creature lying across from me.

I was fiercely protective of her, that much I knew. So fiercely that I had taken myself out of her world, intending to protect her from myself and those like me, but I knew now that I should have stayed. I hadn't protected her at all with my leaving, and with that thought, the guilt flared and swallowed me whole.

I was glad for the darkness at that moment, for it meant that Bella couldn't see the agony on my face. I could give her that much – protect her from my pain, from my guilt, from my suffering. And I was suffering now, with despair, indecision, powerlessness.

"What can I do?" I spoke the words like a beggar in the street, willing to do anything that would make this better, make her warm, save her from the storm raging just past the canvas of our tent.

Bella wanly shook her head, and I hung mine in defeat.

"_She's cold, you stupid bloodsucker. What are you – an idiot? 'What can I do?' Dumbass. You shouldn't have brought her up here. This isn't going to work. Do something. Anything. Why didn't you bring more blankets? Didn't your fortune teller see this coming? She'll freeze to death and you're not _doing _anything._" The dog's baleful whine overpowered the noise of the storm, and reached even Bella's ears.

"G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere," Bella forced the words past her rattling teeth. I grimaced. So selfless, always so concerned about the welfare of other, and never about her own.

"_Goddamn it, Bella. Don't be stupid. I have a fur coat_...."

"He's just worried about you," I assured her, paraphrasing the mutt's thoughts. "He's fine. _His _body is equipped to deal with this."

I attempted to comfort her, so she would save her strength and not exert herself with words that made no difference to him. Her eyes closed and reopened, the deep brown orbs boring into mine. I jerked towards her to gather her in my arms before my brain kicked in and pushed me back into my corner, reminding me that my freezing skin was of no use to her.

"H-h-h-h-h-h." I wasn't sure what Bella was trying to say because the words never made it past her full lips, which were now starting to turn blue. My hand flickered towards the pocket of my pants where I kept the cell phone, intending to call Alice or Carlisle to ask for advice, to have one of them tell me what I should do because I was out of ideas.

"_Take her down the mountain, like you've been telling her. Damn you, leech. This is all your fault. Why are you staying with her anyway? You should have sent her out of town...stupid idea, stupid parasite. Damn it. I can't stand it anymore. She's going to die, bloodsucker, and I promise to rip you to shreds if that happens..._" The dog's thoughts came out of his muzzle like a whimper and the tone of it carried his complaint into the night.

I rolled my eyes at this pathetic threat. He couldn't stand it? What about me? I was sitting in the far corner of the tent, watching the love of my life convulse from the cold and ice, and _he_ was whining about not being able to stand it?

I finally snapped. "What do you want me to do?" I growled at him furiously. "Carry her through _that_? I don't see you making yourself useful. Why don't you go fetch a space heater?"

"I'm ok-k-k-k-k-k-_kay_," Bella tried to convince me as I groaned at the dog's muffled growl, reacting to my words with outrage in his mind. He wasn't very appreciative of my reference to his status as an overgrown dog.

_Didn't like that, did you_?

_Too fucking bad_.

If our situation hadn't been so dire, I would have laughed. As if in punishment for my petulance, another gust of wind rattled the tent, and Bella shivered in response. His ears were nearly as fine-tuned as mine and he heard the renewed rattling of her teeth and the rustling as she shook inside the sleeping bag.

"_That's it. Enough of this shit. I'm calling in a reinforcement._" He searched in his mind for the thoughts of a specific pack member and barked out command."_Sam – I'm gonna need Seth up here sooner than I thought. Seth – come up here as fast as possible. I need to warm up Bella before she freezes to death_. _Stupid bloodsucker didn't pack warm enough..._"

His loud howling disrupted the roar of the wind. I picked Seth's reply out of the mutt's head. He was already fairly close and would be arriving in a few minutes. Bella covered her ears to shield herself from the sudden noise, and I scowled into the darkness. I didn't like the idea of him entering the tent.

Not at all.

And still I couldn't deny that as much as I disliked having him inside these cramped quarters, his body temperature would warm up the small space, the way I couldn't.

Bitter jealousy flared high, setting me ablaze, as his thoughts drifted to feeling Bella's soft body in his arms, intending on heating her up by crawling into the sleeping bag with her. My hands clenched into fists by my side and my teeth ground together. The thought alone was so repulsive to me, so humiliating that I was barely able to control myself from bursting out into screams of rage.

I heard the dog phasing back to human form just outside the tent flaps, pulling on a pair of dirty sweatpants he'd kept tied to one of his legs.

"_I'm going in... I can't take it anymore... I'll warm her up... to hell with him... stupid, disgusting parasite..._"

"That was hardly necessary," I muttered angrily, lashing out impotently. "And that's the worst idea I've ever heard."

"Better than anything you've come up with," the mutt spit out, still aggravated, which seemed to be permanent state for him. "_Go fetch a space heater_," he muttered, angrily shaking his head. "I'm not a St. Bernard."

That was debatable, in my opinion. Certainly, he was much larger in size, but his continuous slobbering over Bella fit the description perfectly. And just like the rabid dog he was, his brain power matched too, as he had yet to comprehend that Bella was mine, and not available to him.

He opened the zipper on the tent flaps, and squeezed himself through the small opening, bringing in a gust of arctic air and a few flurries of snow that fell to the ground at his rather large, bare feet. The influx of the suddenly icy air sent Bella into a convulsion, and I watched with anxious eyes as she burrowed further into the sleeping bag. I turned my attention to the mongrel who had turned around to pull up the zipper and close the tent door. The stench he emanated made my eyes burn and my stomach lurch.

As usual, he was inappropriately dressed. I understood the need to keep his load light, since he had to carry his clothes with him whenever he was in wolf form, but I sincerely wished he'd make room for a shirt. He held a raggedy parka in his head as his eyes dropped to her small form, covered by the sleeping bag, and his jaw dropped for a moment.

"_Damn, she's worse off than I thought. I'm gonna have to get in there with her... jeez, it reeks in here...how does Bella stand it...huh...her sense of smell must be frozen...holy shit, look at her shiver...damn you, leech...this is all your fault... for crying out loud... couldn't have picked a worse __night... shit. Shit. Shit. Oh jeez, Bells, you sure can pick 'em...dontcha wish you'd stayed away from him now? Useless, vile parasite.._."

He was going to do _what_? He wouldn't fit. There was no way. I felt like yelling in rage, and all my instincts screamed at me to tear him apart.

"I don't like this," I hissed through my teeth, my eyes burning holes in his bare back, and I wished he would simply disappear from the face of the earth. The stench he brought with him was nearly unbearable and made it hard to breathe. "Just give her the coat and get out." My fists clenched and unclenched, my jaw was tensed, and I had to use every last bit of restraint to not fly at him and rip his throat out when the intentions in his mind assaulted me.

Bella shivered again, and it brought my focus back to her, to her needs, to her comfort. As much as it pained me – and the agony was considerable – I _had_ to allow this humongous, rotten mutt to crawl into the sleeping bag with her. I had no other choice. The love of my life was turning into an icicle and he was the only source of warmth available in our current location.

Bella's irises widened as she focused on the dog. "W-w-w-w-w-w," she stuttered, unable to complete whatever she had intended to say.

"_Stupid leech._"

_Thanks, Jacob. I think I am aware of your opinion of me. No need to repeat yourself_.

"The parka's for tomorrow – she's too cold to warm it up by herself," the mutt lectured me condescendingly. "It's frozen," he added unnecessarily as he dropped it and it hit the ground with a loud thud. Well, at least he wasn't lying. The ragged thing was frozen solid. I glared at him menacingly nonetheless.

"_What_? _Does my being half-naked offend you_? _Filthy parasite. Now be a good bloodsucker and let me __take care of her for you_. _Seeing how you can't. Cold as ice, aren't you_? "

I ground my teeth to stop myself from snapping at him. He smirked at me.

"You said you needed a space heater, and here I am." He opened his arms as if in presentation of himself, and his stench again assaulted my nose. I also did not appreciate his self-aggrandizement.

"_A thank you would be nice, bloodsucker_."

It would be winter in Pandemonium before that would happen. Thanking that mongrel? Never.

_Fuck. _

_I may have to_.

_Bella needs him_.

_God, could this night get any worse_?_ Have I not suffered enough_? _Is having to watch my only love freeze half to death not sufficient penance for all my misdeeds_?

Bella's eyes narrowed, and she looked at the dog with furrowed brows. I wondered how she was able to move at all with purpose, when she was so cold.

"J-J-J-J-Jake, you'll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze,"she forced out through another convulsion. I hissed under my breath. She needed to preserve her energy. The dog was in no danger of freezing, and even if he was, I could have cared less at that moment.

"_Silly Bella_." He chuckled. "Not me," he boasted proudly, which sent another wave of his malodorous vapor my way and made me grind my teeth again. He smirked once more in my direction. "_Don't like that, do ya? Fucking parasite_. _You could always leave, ya know..._"

"I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I'll have you sweating in no time." His mind gave him away – he was looking forward to having her pressed against him, and he knew exactly how the thought of it would torture me. It was a win-win situation for him, and he was making the most of it. Jealousy burned a hole in my heart. I was impotent to stop him and he knew it – she needed the warmth he could provide, and it nearly tore me in two to admit that.

He dropped to his knees as I snarled my displeasure, low and feral, but he didn't even give me the courtesy of a sideways glance, just kept on crawling towards Bella's sleeping bag.

"_Shut the fuck up, leech. I ain't doing this for kicks, you know. She's freezing, you moron. What's wrong __with you_? _Jealous much_?"

I didn't know whether he was unable to comprehend that I couldn't _not_ see what was in his mind, or if he was unable to hide what he was thinking of, or if he simply didn't care what I saw when he started to pull on the zipper, but the inappropriate images that danced in his head were altogether unacceptable and too painful to see. I jumped forward out of my corner, leaned down and prepared to clamp a hand – hard – on his shoulder.

A split second before my hand made contact, he instinctively felt my approach – his teeth snapped shut, his nostrils flared as he whined internally about my scent, and his hackles rose. I was gripping him, my fingers digging into his shoulder, my nails nearly breaking the skin. He recoiled from my touch, flinching under the pressure of my fingers, tremors running down his arms. The old enmity warred inside his body and his mind, and he was trying to stop himself from phasing, knowing he could not with Bella so close. Violence erupted in his mind but he fought to restrain himself.

I could appreciate his efforts, but I was in no way prepared to let him crawl into the sleeping bag with my girl. She was mine, goddammit, and I could not allow his half-naked self to be wrapped around her.

"Get your hand off of me," he snarled through clenched teeth, struggling to stay somewhat civil in front of Bella. His spoken words in no way matched what he was thinking at me in his head. I didn't care. He needed to understand once and for all that his childish games had to stop. I was slowly but surely running out of the massive amount of patience I had accumulated over the past century or so.

The temperature inside had already risen by a few degrees, just from the heat he was giving off, and it made me consider, for a fleeting moment, if his being inside would be sufficient.

But I knew differently. Bella's core temperature had already dropped too much to be raised simply by his proximity. She needed to feel the heat from his body directly from the source.

_Fuck_!

"Keep your hands off of her," I replied, the warning very clear in my tone, yet I felt bleak, powerless. My growls and snarls were unconstrained, but I knew just as well as he did that I didn't have a choice. She needed the heat he could provide. The very one my cold skin could not.

He glanced at me, smirking again, though his anger boiled just underneath the surface, in a fashion similar to mine. However, where I was restrained, controlled, he was wild, immature, unpredictable.

"_Wanna tell her that you're too jealous to let me help her_? _Wanna tell me to leave and cause her to freeze to death_? _And she thinks you love her..._"

I scowled at him but there was no fire in my eyes anymore. It had died with the realization that dawn was too far away for Bella to survive the night without his assistance. And I would die in pieces until the emerging daylight rescued me from his torture. It was almost comical to think that I would be saved by the sun.

"D-d-d-don't f-f-f-f-fight," Bella stuttered, her teeth slamming together so hard I was worried she would shatter them. Another tremor rocked through her as the wind pushed in one side of the tent.

"I'm sure she'll thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off," the mutt spat angrily, pointing out that I had to consent and taunting me further.

"_Jealous ass_. _Do you _want_ her to die_?"

What choice had I? I knew he was right, and frostbite was a real possibility at this point. Somewhere in his thoughts, there was a genuine concern for her well-being. I didn't trust him not to take advantage of the situation, but for Bella's sake I had to let him help her. Hesitantly, painfully slow, I dropped my hand to my side and moved back into my corner, as far away from her as possible.

"Watch yourself," I told him, my voice flat, my demeanor threatening, needing him to understand that he couldn't push me much further, as the visuals filled his mind again. He chuckled. "_Oooh, scary_. _Bite me_!"

I narrowed my eyes at him with sheer menace, since his request could certainly be arranged but he completely ignored me. I hissed quietly under my breath and imagined a more opportune time when I _could_ sink my teeth into him and end his miserable existence. He had to know that a single bite from my venom-coated teeth would kill him. The shape-shifters of the Quileute tribe didn't react to our venom like other humans – to them, it was deadly. Or so their lore led me to believe. Just another interesting tidbit that I had picked up during the instructional night.

"Scoot over, Bella," he said as he started to pull the zipper of the sleeping bag and angled his body to push himself in. It seemed Bella wasn't too fond of his asinine idea either, because her eyes narrowed in anger and she nearly growled.

"N-n-n-n-n," she tried to say something, perhaps a no, but the word wouldn't pass her frozen lips. She glanced at me and I could see the worry and anxiety in her eyes. I recognized that she didn't want him there, either. In an odd way, her reluctance to have him that near made me feel just a tiny bit better. Not that I wanted to deny her the needed warmth he could provide, but it pleased me nonetheless that she'd rather freeze than be so close to him, all because she loved me and knew what watching impotently was doing to my insides.

He stopped his advance for a second when her protest registered with him. "_Is she serious_?"

"Don't be stupid," the dog muttered, staring at her in exasperation, the sentiment coloring his voice and his thoughts. "Don't you _like_ having ten toes?" Without further ado, and with a snide, silent comment to me, he forced his abnormally large frame into the sleeping bag, zipped it up behind him and enfolded Bella's small body in his arms.

I hissed under my breath, and excruciating pain rippled through me. I wanted to be the one warming her, I wanted to be the one holding her, surrounding her. She was mine, damn it. _Mine_!

And yet, I suddenly felt oddly grateful for the service he was providing, as her skin nearly instantaneously flushed from the heat he was emanating, and her body slowed defrosted. I could hear the blood rushing in her veins; her heart began to pump regularly again, her shivering slowed infinitesimally.

I saw him cringe slightly when her hands touched his bare skin. "_Holy shit, she's an icicle_. _I got here just in time_..."

"Jeez, you're freezing, Bella," he whined as if he were surprised at the cold temperature of her skin, and I had to stifle a grin at his discomfort.

_No more than you deserve, self-righteous bastard_.

"S-s-s-s-sorry," she muttered as another violent tremor rippled through her small frame, her body beginning to realize that a source of heat was available and the muscles contracting in response.

"Try to relax. You'll be warm in a minute," the mutt offered with a suggestive glance at me as a new thought struck him, a new way of tormenting me. "Of course, you'd warm up faster if you took your clothes off." He sneered at me as he imagined the feel of her bare skin against his, fully comprehending the anguish he was causing me, and relishing in it.

I couldn't suppress the sharp growl that built in my chest and burst through my lips, as he imagined her bare of all clothing underneath him. Only over my smoldering pile of ashes would _that_ ever happen. My eyes narrowed further and I had to clench my teeth to prevent myself from ripping him out of that sleeping bag and tearing out his throat. It certainly wouldn't take long, perhaps a few seconds. I could have him out of the tent with his head removed forcibly from his body in less time than it would take Bella to realize what was going on.

As if he could read my violent thoughts for that moment, his expression became defensive and he dropped his eyes for a second. "_What? I'm only trying to help_..."

"It's a simple fact," he said, locking eyes with me again. "Survival one-oh-one."

"_Besides, what would you know about it, leech...it's not like you're actually alive, is it? Just a piece of stone, a smelly one at that..._"

He was actually quite wrong about that. True, my heart didn't beat, there was no blood flowing in my veins, but after nearly ninety years of being a vampire, I _was_ alive once more. Bella's love had breathed life into the cold stone that was my body, and every cell inside me vibrated with that love. She had resurrected my humanity.

My icy stare became more menacing as it was the only means available to me of warning him not to push me beyond the last vestiges of my control. I wasn't prepared for the consequences of such loss of control. Dead, his temperature would drop quickly, and he'd be no good to her. I kept reminding myself over and over again that the heat was what Bella needed, and she would get what she needed, even if it killed me.

And I was also prevented from killing him by the small fact that she liked this overgrown boy, for whatever reason I couldn't quite fathom. If I were to harm him, she would never forgive me. So I stayed in my corner, immobile as a marble statue, and watched.

I would endure my mortal enemy wrapped around the love of my life, his stench permeating the small space, her clothes and her exposed skin, so that she would not have to freeze any longer. After all the pain I had caused her during our separation, it was only fitting that I was crushed under the anguish this situation was causing me. I would endure because I loved her to the ends of the earth and back, something he couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"C-c-cut it out, Jake," Bella snapped hotly as her body further relaxed into his embrace. "N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes."

Her eyes locked with mine and I saw the apology shimmering in the depth of her soul. It seemed that she knew what this was doing to me, and she hated it.

"Don't worry about the bloodsucker," he sneered and I wanted to wipe the smug grin off his face. "He's just jealous."

"_Not so much fun when you're on the receiving end, is it, leech_?"

This was further proof that in his juvenile mind he had absolutely no comprehension of what it meant to truly love someone. I couldn't imagine him in my position – he didn't have the depth or the character to put Bella's needs above his own. He was too concerned with hurting me to understand that his actions were also hurting her. He was acting like a child, selfish and immature.

A century of masking my emotions and responses helped me now to present myself as calm and controlled.

"Of course I am," I stated smoothly, forcing a small smile into place on my face, primarily for Bella's benefit. "You don't have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you're doing for her, mongrel." I realized it was the first time I had actually openly stated that I was jealous and I wondered if Bella noticed. If she had, she didn't let on.

"Those are the breaks," the dog quipped but quickly his thoughts turned bitter, remembering what she had told him not too long ago. "At least you know she wishes it was you."

"_And the only reason she lets me be this close now is because she has no other choice_..."

"True," I said, as the smile on my mask grew wider, acknowledging both of his statements, the verbal and the silent one, glad that he had remembered that he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of swaying her away from me. No matter how much warmth he provided. He was a temporary means to meet a requirement. Bella was mine, and soon she would be mine in every way.

She had, after all, agreed to marry me. Not him.

_Me_.

I chose to temporarily ignore the ways this agreement had come about, and what would be expected of me as my part to fulfill our covenant. This was not the time to worry about that. I had plenty of other worries to deal with at the moment.

Such as the question whether she might consider after this night that his warmth was preferable to the iciness of my skin.

I held on to the promise we had made the night before. Despite its worrisome departure from my boundaries and sensibilities, our promise to each other gave me hope that we would come through this night unaffected and unchanged.

_Either way, it's not like you'll be changed, Edward. You're just worried she'll change her mind_.

I forced the voice of doubt away.

Bella's tremors slowed and her breathing became deeper, her heart beating steadily at its resting rate as her core temperature continuously rose back to normal. I hoped fervently that soon she would be able to fall asleep. She needed to rest, her body needed to recharge, having used up so much energy, having lost so much body heat. There was a good chance that she'd be hurting tomorrow from all the spasms her body had endured. I made a mental note to give her some of the medicated lotion I had in my first aid kit come morning.

_He_ seemed pleased as well, noticing how her body molded to his as he tightened his arms slightly around her. "There," he said smugly, "feeling better?"

"_See what I can do for her, bloodsucker_? _She sure feels good in my arms_."

"Yes," Bella answered simply with another apologetic glance in my direction. Her teeth were no longer chattering uncontrollably, and she was actually for the first time in hours able to speak without stuttering from the cold. I was again nearly overcome by gratitude, and had to blink to keep my head clear.

I was so torn between wanting to toss him out and needing him to keep her warm; the dichotomy of those conflicting desires was ripping my insides to shreds.

"Your lips are still blue," he offered, with an arrogant smirk in my direction as his thoughts turned to the gauntlet I had thrown in his face in front of her house. "Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask." The sarcasm was dripping from his rather large canines as his lips curled back in what could only be called a provocative grimace.

I resented the dig at our previous standoff but only sighed heavily in response and clenched my fists in my jacket pocket, out of sight. It was a truly asinine move on his part, trying to provoke me. What was he hoping to accomplish? Bella was surely going to see right through him. This was fast becoming ridiculous. Did he not remember the way she reacted the last time he tried to assert himself in this pathetic manner? His childish games, while certainly grating on my nerves, were so far beneath me, they deserved no other retort. And as long as Bella held him in some form of esteem, he would live to see another day. I would do nothing to hurt her, so I couldn't kill him for his arrogance, or simply for existing.

Yet.

"Behave yourself," Bella admonished him angrily yet half-heartedly, as she pressed her face into his shoulder to capture more of his heat. I held my breath for a short moment, unsure why she sought to be nearer to him, but then her expression changed briefly to a self-satisfied grin as he flinched away from her when her ice-cold cheek touched his bare skin. My sweet Bella seemingly wanted to punish him for his impudence, perhaps understanding full well the pain this untenable situation was inflicting upon me. He didn't see the sly grin, but I certainly did, and I was unable to suppress one of my own at her gesture.

"_What's so funny, leech_?"

She shifted her body and I heard her boots slide from her feet, and he flinched again when her icy toes touched his shins. Another smile flashed over her face, again only witnessed by my own eyes. I stifled a chuckle. Served him right. Good for her. I felt rather proud of my brave, sweet girl.

"_Shit, that's cold...I'm surprised her toes are still attached...she should have dressed warmer...stupid bloodsucker...bringing her up here totally unprepared...didn't their fortune teller know what the weather would be like?_"

Little did he know that is was his presence that prevented Alice from properly seeing the weather for this night, and leaving me unable to properly prepare. Though I probably could have packed better. One sleeping bag was obviously not enough. Had I brought one or two more, plus asked Bella to dress in warmer layers, there was a good chance we wouldn't have needed his services this night at all. Of course, mentioning of warmer undergarments was also a sore subject as it was in disagreement with my old-fashioned sensibilities. Such things weren't called unmentionables for no good reason. One mustn't speak of such things in the company of a lady. Though, I supposed, it might be time for me to become more open towards the subject, as my illicit fantasies had oftentimes starred Bella scantily dressed in what could only be described as lingerie. To deny that I was perhaps inclined to see such garments upon her person for myself, in the flesh so to speak, would be a bold-faced lie.

In my defense, I had, at the time of packing our supplies, also been somewhat distracted by Alice accosting Bella about our engagement and the planning of a wedding my psychic sister had been anticipating for over a year.

He noticed Bella's ear was still red from the cold, so he decided this was a good enough reason to lay his cheek against her head, flashing me yet another vindictive smirk.

Again, I reminded myself that he was providing a much needed service to Bella, and that I should feel grateful for his assistance. I had to keep that thought at the forefront of my mind, otherwise I'd be sending him to kingdom come in the next few minutes. And I wouldn't shed a tear for his demise. Not even if I could.

The irrepressible jealousy continued to eat at my insides, the green-eyed monster viciously laughing at me.

Meanwhile, his thoughts bumbled on.

I concentrated on the sound of Bella's heart, the regular thumping, the rushing of her life's blood inside her veins, in a last-ditch attempt to block out the sounds of his annoying mind, the onslaught of his disgusting thoughts, the bane of his presence in her life. I listened to the music of the rhythmic beating, the symphony of sounds that directed my thoughts and my actions. It was peaceful. Sane. My personal haven.

It was the metronome of my existence and it helped me through the next few minutes until Seth Clearwater's imminent arrival broke into my concentration, his howling barely discernible over the raging storm. As I ranged my mind outward and tried to pick up his thoughts, the vile mind of Jacob Black also became very prominent again.

"_She feels so good, so soft...like she belongs here...wonder what she's thinking...I wish she'd change her mind about him... wish she was mine... fuck him... jealous ass... staring at me again... oh, she feels so good, so right... I don't wanna move right now... is she falling asleep_?"

I cast a glance at Bella who had molded herself to him, with her eyes closed. He seemed to be right in his assessment – she appeared to be falling into slumber, and I was again feeling oddly grateful for the mutt's presence, as another gust shook our shelter. My eyes fell upon his as she shivered once more, but the violence and frequency of the shudders seemed to have been reduced.

I looked away, not caring that he interpreted my averting my eyes as acknowledging his superiority. With his large form so intimately wrapped around Bella, it was difficult to look upon them, especially as I wished for nothing more in that moment than his disappearance and my being able to warm her myself.

His mind returned again and again to his memories of the time he'd spent with her. The kiss he'd forced upon her.

"_I could've sworn she wanted me to kiss her... felt like she invited it... always so defensive of him... when I told her I love her... her lips were so soft... wonder if I can steal another... ugh, probably not, he's watching... maybe she was all defensive earlier because the leech is here... what if he wasn't... would she kiss me then_? _No, I think she made her point clear when she punched me... damn... can't give up on her... can't let her die...he'll kill her... no doubt about that... but she said she wants that... how can she want that? She'll be one of them... living stone... no heartbeat... cold skin... pale as ice... I can't let her do that... what am I gonna do_?"

In a purely masochistic manner, I kept my eyes on Bella, lying in his abnormally large arms and accepted my penance for leaving her. Had I not so arrogantly made that unilateral decision, the current situation could have been completely avoided, for Victoria would have been dead the first time she set foot in Forks. Hell, come to think of it, we should have disposed of all of them when they advanced upon us in the baseball clearing during our game last year.

Outside, the storm seemed to be lessening infinitesimally as another piercing howl shrieked around the tent.

"Jake?" Bella's voice broke into my concentration as she sluggishly spoke his name, sounding nearly asleep. I was momentarily entranced by the movement of her lush lips and had to collect myself. "Can I ask you something? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, I'm honestly curious."

This I had to hear so I listened intently, my eyes moving between her face and his. The mutt's thoughts were flying.

"_What does she wanna know? Maybe she wants me to kiss her? With the leech looking on? I'd do it... Wait... jerk_? _What does... Why would I think her a jerk_? S_ame question I asked her... not too long ago... where was it... right... her kitchen... after the bloodsucker sniffed another bloodsucker in her house... wonder what she'll ask me... could be uncomfortable with that leech listening... fuck, parasite, can you get out of my head for just one minute?_"

"Sure," he said with an chuckle while throwing a glare at me.

"Why are you so much furrier than your friends?" Bella asked, slurring her words a little. I was glad her teeth were no longer chattering, but now I was concerned that she was still not sleeping and I almost spoke, but then she continued on with seemingly great effort. "You don't have to answer if I'm being rude."

"_Huh... didn't expect that... we all cut it when we first change... she's the one who said she liked my hair long... should I tell her... grew it back for her... I don't like it this way... she thinks I'm furry? That's too funny..._"

"Because my hair is longer," he answered with a laugh that shook his chest and rattled her against him as he flung his wild mane forward so it touched her cheek. I remembered it being much longer when I'd first encountered him, at our junior prom, lurking in the shadows, when it was nearly longer than Bella's own hair. From behind, he'd looked like a girl.

I ran my fingers through my own hair. Neither of them noticed.

"Oh." Bella sounded surprised. "Then why don't you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?" She looked at him, obviously curious.

Her innocent question prompted me to laugh, albeit under my breath. She had no idea that in his conceit he'd decided to grow it back just for her. He glared at me.

"_Heard that, didn't you... fucking parasite... fuck... may as well tell her before he can..._"

He took too long to answer and Bella's expression changed to chagrin. "Sorry," she said and yawned widely from fatigue, a cute little blush spreading across her cheeks as she caught my stare. "I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me."

I wasn't sure whether she'd blushed because I'd caught her yawning, or if the blood rushed to her cheeks because she was embarrassed to have asked the question. Either way, she looked perfectly adorable.

The mutt snorted, annoyed, anticipating that I would tell her if he didn't. I was utterly amused by his discomfort. "Oh, he'll tell you anyway, so I might as well... I was growing my hair out because... it seemed you like it better long."

"Oh," Bella said again and squirmed. Damn! Now she was feeling uncomfortable. I shouldn't have laughed. Damn him.

"I, er, like it both ways, Jake," Bella spoke again, in an obvious attempt to correct her perceived faux-pas. Was there such a thing as being too rude to a dog? I didn't think so, but Bella wasn't finished. "You don't need to be... inconvenienced."

"_I'd do anything for her... wish she'd understand... wish she'd leave him..._"

I rolled my eyes. He didn't notice, too busy relishing the feeling of her body pressed against his. I stifled a snarl.

"Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don't worry about it." he said with a shrug, jostling her again and I growled under my breath. I wasn't quite clear why he thought his long hair was more convenient in this instance as it only covered his head and did nothing to warm her. What an idiot!

"_Not the only convenient thing tonight... that storm sure came in handy... though...shouldn't think that way... she really _was_ frozen..._"

I rolled my eyes at him again. He noticed this time and responded with a retaliatory glare. I was not impressed and ignored him.

For a few moments, silence stretched inside our shelter while the winds howled through the trees and shook the tent. Bella's eyes closed again, after she'd glanced at me once more, her pale lids slowly drooping over her chocolate orbs, long lashes grazing her cheeks, as her breathing slowed down and became just a little deeper, indicating that she was about to fall asleep. I was glad. She needed the rest, and once she was sleeping, perhaps so would he, and I'd be spared further intrusion from his juvenile mind.

"That's right, honey, go to sleep." His whisper blew hot air across her ear, and I utterly resented his term of endearment. She was nobody's honey but mine. And I _never_ called her such a condescending term. In my human time, bestowing the term 'Honey' upon a female usually identified said female as loose and wanton. Honeys were found in the backrooms of bars where they shared their favors with paying patrons. Not that I had any direct experience of such things, but in a dim memory of a conversation I'd once had with my father, he explained the term to me. I couldn't recall what had brought the conversation about, but I did remember him pulling me into his study to discuss it with me. So to my ears, the endearment the mutt chose for my Bella was derogatory and uncalled for. Uncouth as he was, he saw nothing wrong with it.

Bella sighed, a sound of content. I resented _that_ even more.

Seth Clearwater was about a half-mile out when his thoughts came in loud and clear. "_Okay, I'm almost there... hey, Cullen, I guess you can hear me, can't you? Cullen_? _I know Jacob's inside, so Sam wants me to look around for a bit... didn't smell anything but your scent and Jacob's on the way up... shit... can he hear me_?_ I feel stupid... Sam? Are you sure he can hear me_?"

Another fierce gush of howling wind shook the tent and rattled the poles, but this time, when I immediately cast my eyes upon my love, she didn't respond with a tremor. Relief flooded me. She would survive the night, and so would I.

I heard Sam Uley's voice in Seth Clearwater's head.

"_Yeah, I'm sure. Cullen, Seth is going to stay for the night and keep guard in the immediate area around your location. I expect Jacob to return in the morning_. _Your psychic said the storm will start to die down in about two hours_. _She said she wasn't exactly sure, but to tell you it's going to start getting a little better in your vicinity. Whatever that means... _" He grumbled on for a bit after that, but I no longer listened.

Alice's message was a surprise. I hadn't known that they were in such close contact with the wolves. I did however much appreciate the message as it pointed me towards the light at the end of the tunnel when my tormentor would be removed from our currently rather closed quarters.

Dawn could not come soon enough.

Such was the noise of the storm outside that the mutt inside the tent did not hear that Seth had made it to our campsite so I informed him of the same.

"Seth is here," I addressed the dog, thus simply acknowledging his pack mate's arrival, careful not to breathe towards Bella.

"_Finally_!"

"Perfect," he announced with a wide, irritating smile. "Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you."

I didn't respond because before I could, Bella groaned and muttered a chiding "Stop it" which was very much appreciated. His face fell. Now I was the one smiling and focused my gaze on Bella who was finally succumbing to her fatigue.

"_Ugh. I hate his guts_."

_Likewise, Jacob Black_.

The winds continued to shriek but I could feel the outside temperature rise infinitesimally, a few decimals perhaps, just as Alice had predicted. I nearly breathed a sigh of relief before remembering that I should breathe as little as possible. Then I remembered that breathing was permitted again, as the mutt's overheated skin was producing enough warmth for me to exhale. In more ways than one.

My relief had a rather short shelf life, interrupted by the fantasies that started to play in the mongrel's mind.

I trained my eyes on Bella, focusing on her even breathing, her steady heartbeat, the slight flush that covered her face. She was finally warm again, her body temperature back to normal. Again, an odd feeling of gratitude flickered through me, a thankfulness for the dog's excessive heat as the shrieking winds rattled the tent once more. She seemed nearly asleep.

"_'s all clear_," Seth Clearwater announced as he plopped himself down in front of the tent, in the same spot previously occupied by the mutt. "_Didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Cullen, I assume you heard me?_"

I spoke a one-word affirmation under my breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

"_Good. Is Bella okay_?"

I repeated my previous action.

"_'kay. Over and out_." He chuckled to himself at his own joke. Several of the other wolves snickered in reply.

Juvenile beasts, all of them. Though, I had to admit that I didn't mind listening to Seth Clearwater. While he was one of the youngest in the pack, his thoughts were actually refreshingly friendly towards us. He was a happy-go-lucky kid who liked everyone, and was only slightly wary of us vampires. He was eager to please and reluctant to form an opinion until he had all the facts. In the case of my family, he had noticed the gentle way in which we all handled and catered to Bella, and he had also seen quite clearly how very protective we were of her. Worried about ridicule, he kept his opinion to himself, mostly – well, as much as that was possible inside the wolf collective. If we weren't such sworn enemies, I wouldn't mind having him around more often. Of course, the smell was also off-putting.

My musings were interrupted yet again. Wolfboy's fantasies were getting out of control. He had laid his head down and closed his eyes, relaxing, and then the pictures began to flood his head and, in turn, mine.

Bella, sitting on his bed, with him next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Bella, looking up at him, pursing her lips for a kiss.

Bella, falling back on his bed, raising her arms over her head.

Bella, moaning as he pulled her shirt out of the waistband of her pants.

Bella, whimpering as his large hands covered her womanly mounds and gently squeezed.

For a brief but rather painful moment, I burned with jealousy, wondering briefly if he was reliving past events, but as I watched the rolling views in his head, I could tell that he had no idea what her skin actually felt like, nor was he familiar with the sounds that would leave Bella's lips in those moments that I had let my boundaries slip. The whimpering moans he was seeing in his mind's eye were nothing like the breathless gasps she emitted when we embraced more passionately than I usually allowed. The touches his thoughts were inflicting on her did not reveal to him the true softness of her skin, nor did his delusion match the actual size of her waist or her womanly features. I realized then that these were not memories, but simply wishful thinking. His fantasies didn't match what was truly hidden beneath her clothes, the likes of which I had on a few rare occasions been privy to, and I felt somewhat relieved that his fantasies were not based on actual experience.

I growled a warning anyway. The pictures flickered for a moment and then started anew. He just didn't care.

Bella, sitting on a rock by the beach, with the mutt beside her, his hand squeezing her thigh.

Bella, jumping down and taking off her clothes, revealing a rather skimpy-looking bathing suit, the kind I knew she'd never wear.

Bella, being caught in his abnormally large arms, raising her head for a kiss.

Bella, standing under a running shower, her hands bracing against the wall, with the dog behind her, pushing himself into her womanhood, moaning and grunting and calling her name in ecstasy.

Bella, Bella, Bella.

_How dare he_?

_Mine_!

I was assaulted by the images, relentlessly. Though I tried my very best to ignore them, knowing now that they were not based on reality, the continuous barrage set off an apocalypse of rage and fury and disgust, and I finally lost my cool. Had my juvenile tormentor forgotten that I could _hear_ him or was this an intentional measure to increase the torture he was inflicting upon me?

"_Please_!" I hissed, furious. "Do you _mind_?"

"_Wh-what_?"His eyes flashed open, the images disappeared and his mind was reeling with surprise and sudden embarrassment. "What?" he hissed defensively. "_What's your problem, leech? Trying to go to sleep here..._"

My eyes flashed to Bella's face. Her expression had changed slightly. She was not yet asleep, but kept her eyes closed.

"_Tell her how you feel_." Alice gave me that advice, and I decided that my current situation presented a good opportunity to follow that suggestion. I remembered how very upset and defensive Bella had been with that dog the last time he inflicted this kind of torment on me, several weeks ago in the school parking lot. I chose my words carefully, and allowed my feelings to escape through my tone of voice, hoping that using these measure would make my current agony very clear to her.

"Do you think you could _attempt _to control your thoughts?" The fury rang clearly in my voice, and he responded in defiance.

"_Stay out of my head, you fucking parasite_."

I had kept my eyes on Bella's face and saw the flash of anger that crossed it, taking it as a sign that she didn't like what she was hearing.

_Good_.

"No one said you had to listen," he sputtered, still somewhat embarrassed, but definitely on the defensive now. "Get out of my head."

"_You're just jealous..."_

Was he under the impression that I _liked_ seeing these images he was projecting? Did he think I _wanted _to see him fantasizing about my fiancée in such an inappropriate and repulsing manner? I'd seen enough of _that_ every day in school. Had he forgotten that I could end his miserable existence in just a few seconds, that I could remove his inflated head from his neck faster than he could blink? I was sorely tempted now, until I remembered that the storm had not yet abated, and Bella still needed the heat he was providing.

"I wish I _could_," I growled, the rage continuing to build inside my chest. "You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're shouting them at me." Perhaps this admission would make it clear to him that he should cease the fantasies and simply go to sleep. Of course, he simply turned it against me. Damn him.

"_How do you like it – knowing that I can touch her without killing her, that my body feels soft against her and warm and alive_? _No wonder she's molded against me. It's not just the warmth, you know. I can hold her tightly, without breaking her... can you even consider doing that_?"

"I'll try to keep it down," he whispered, petulant like a small child.

"_You're just a piece of stone... dead... cold... unfeeling... so what can you possibly give her? All you can do is take... her life, her heartbeat... I can give her children... a life... I can actually make love to her... you couldn't possibly... not without killing her. I could make her happy... I already did once... well, you remember, don't you? Jealous of that, too, aren't you?_"

His inner voice was colored not only by his feelings for Bella, but also by his disgust for my kind. He was feeling rather smug.

It seemed that Bella was still listening, so I used that to my advantage. "Yes," I admitted softly. "I'm jealous of that, too."

"_I knew it!_"

"I figured it was like that," he whispered with a grin. "Sort of evens the playing field a little, doesn't it?"

Not really. I was perhaps limited in the ways I could show my affection, but Bella was perfectly clear on what I could and couldn't do, and the intimacy he alluded to was but a small part of what it meant to share another's life. It was but a small part of truly loving someone, of really being one with another. The intimacy Bella and I could share ran much deeper than the actual act of love-making, because it was part of the strong connection we had. His juvenile mind didn't understand the difference. I chuckled at his misconception.

"In your dreams," I answered, smiling because that would be the only place he'd ever touch Bella that way. Besides, once Bella was one of us, there would be nothing holding us back. For a brief moment, I allowed myself a visual of loving Bella after her change.

"You know, she could still change her mind." The mutt's taunts interrupted my reverie and I moved my eyes back to his. "Considering _all_ the things I could do with her that you can't. At least not without killing her, that is."

"_She should be with me... wish she'd realize it... _"

His supposition was unlikely, especially after what had transpired between Bella and me the night before. Of course, he didn't know about our new covenant, didn't know that we were now affianced, as she wasn't yet wearing the ring declaring such, and that we had made promises to each other, promises that would not, could not be broken. Was he aware that Bella was listening? I searched his head briefly, but found no such thought. Her breathing was even, she was not moving, and the expression on her face was almost the one she usually bore when asleep. It seemed likely that he had fooled himself into thinking he could have a conversation with me without her knowledge.

Shaking off a feeling of unease, I closed my eyes for a moment. There was a possibility, no matter how small, that Bella could change her mind. Due to the ever more aggravating truth that I couldn't read her mind, I didn't know how she really felt, how she really looked at the future. To truly be with me, in the way we both wanted, she had to give up her life as she knew it, relinquish opportunities she would have as a human. All the reasons I had always presented when arguing against her change rapidly flowed into my brain, and the anguish of that small sliver of a possibility nearly took my breath away. Would she change her mind? Would she realize all she would be missing out of? Would she?

The fire inside me burned higher and higher.

Either way, I was done explaining myself to this mutt. There was no point to it as he would never open his mind enough to understand how deep the love I held for her ran through my entire being.

"Go to sleep, Jacob," I muttered. "You're starting to get on my nerves."

Now why did I admit that? He immediately saw another chance to continue his torment. "I think I will. I'm really very comfortable."

"_This night has definitely taken a turn for the better... she feels so good against me.... love you, Bella..._"

I didn't answer, clenching my jaw to prevent myself from jumping him and detaching his head from his abnormally large frame. Instead, I ranged my mind to the thoughts of Seth Clearwater and through him, to the wolves in the woods below, hoping to catch glimpses of my family. Most of them seemed simply to be lying in wait near the clearing. There wasn't much movement, and if my family was near, they weren't near enough for the wolves to smell or see.

I gazed at Bella again when she moved a little, just a small stirring of her head. The little frown I had seen earlier flashed across her features again, and I relished the satisfaction that was like dribbling water onto the flames burning my insides – small but noticeable. It gave me just enough strength to continue sitting in my corner, enduring the torture of watching him wrapped around her.

The tenor of his thoughts suddenly changed. He began to wonder about the nature of my relationship with Bella, and the change in his course made him sound more vulnerable and pained than I had believed him to be.

"_Maybe he could... she does seem happy around him... she changed when he returned... she seems much happier... the way she looks at him... but I know she loves me... even if she __doesn't... does he know_? _If he can't get into her head... and I can't... how can he be so sure of her_? _Wish I could ask him that... wish I could ask him what he used to bind her to him... willing to give up everything to be with him... she was so sad... my big plan... if only he'd stayed away... if only she hadn't jumped... is that what did it... wonder if he knows that... what did bring him back after six months? Wait... he didn't come back on his own, did he? No, she ran after him... it's hopeless... wish she would understand how much more I can give her... all the things he can't... why does she think she'd be happy with him? Is she happy? She said she was... she said he loves her... he'd never leave again... he's said the same... 'until she orders me away'... the prick... stupid, disgusting bloodsucker... if I asked him... would he answer my questions? Hey, leech... I know you're listening... can you answer my questions... do you have the guts... the honor... ha! Honor... from a parasite... that'll be the day..._"

"Maybe I would," I interrupted his musings softly. I could understand his sorrow better than anything else about him. And I suddenly wondered that if I were to answer his questions, let him see me a bit more clearly, if it would change his attitude towards me, my love for Bella and my family. Would it be possible for me to make him understand how deeply I felt, how extraordinary this love was? Would doing so make him back off, and perhaps realize that he didn't stand a chance of luring her away from me?

"But would you be honest?" His eyes had narrowed a small bit, his thoughts were suspicious.

"_Why would he be offering? What does he hope to accomplish_?"

What did I want to achieve? For one, if I could lure him to admit to his rather childish game of using her selflessness against her, it might invoke her anger, and perhaps a better clarity on her end. Perhaps, if I were to persuade him to acknowledge his inner thoughts about me and my kind – would that lead her to see him in a different light? Would she begin to see him as the nagging and manipulative bastard he truly was?

He claimed he loved her, but his actions towards her did not support his words. He was delusional, thinking that he could make her happy. If he hadn't succeeded in the months of my absence, what made him think he could make her happy now? What did he think had changed? He'd admitted to himself that she looked happy when she was around me, admitted the way she looked upon me, the love that shone out of her eyes when I caught her gaze. What was _he_ hoping to accomplish with this conversation?

Only one way to find out. There was nothing but doubt in his mind a that moment, and I would need to lead the conversation in such a manner to get him to think of what _I _wanted to know.

There was a risk involved as well, one that I needed to consider before speaking further.

Knowing that Bella was likely still listening, would my honesty strengthen her belief in me, or would my openness be the last nail in my coffin and push her towards the mutt? I would have to tread very carefully with what I'd allow him, and in extension, her, to see, but I couldn't help the urge to bare just a little bit of my silent heart to her, a fervent hope that saying the things I'd not told her, the things I'd not had a chance to be frank about, would bind her to me more closely. And if that in turn achieved a better understanding on his end, then perhaps giving up a little of my privacy would be worth it.

He thought her asleep – I knew she wasn't. This was yet another case in point that I knew her so much better than he did. He'd never observed her sleeping, so he didn't know her as intimately as I did. I knew every shiver, every small stir, every expression on her face and was in most cases able to interpret them correctly. Her breathing had evened out to a slow, deep pattern, but the movement of her eyes behind her closed lids was evidence that she had not yet succumbed to slumber. And the mutt didn't realize it. Perhaps, if I laid the trap carefully, he'd step in it without realizing it. Yes, I'd rather liked this plan.

Of course, this could also backfire rather badly for me, but I put my trust in Bella's love, knowing what she had endured for me so far, and nearly certain that nothing would change her mind.

_Be careful, Edward_.

"You can always ask and see," I answered, my tone slightly challenging, suddenly eager for this conversation. Would he take the bait?

He did. His eyes widened slightly and his thoughts were suddenly overrun with questions he'd never dared to consider before. I nearly cringed under the barrage of inquiries he formulated in his head, some of which he immediately discounted, not wanting to know the answers, embarrassed to ask. I raised my eyebrow and he narrowed his in response.

"_Huh... didn't think he'd offer that... but that's fair, I guess..._"

"Well," he drawled, "you see inside my head – let me see inside yours tonight, it's only fair."

His eyebrows straightened out as he thought about his questions again, juggling them in his head, starting one, then discarding it for another. He went through them so quickly that I had a hard time picking up each one. As he went through each one, his countenance softened and a childish curiosity overtook his features.

I glanced at Bella. Her frown had disappeared but her heartrate was still a little elevated. She still wasn't sleeping. I suppressed a smile.

I turned my attention back to the dog. "Your head is full of questions," I stated calmly. "Which one do you want me to answer?" I hoped my prodding would steer him down the path I wanted him to take.

"_How do you like seeing me here, lying with her in my arms..._"

His lips curled back in a smug grin.

"The jealousy... it _has_ to be eating at you. You can't be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all." He went straight for the kill. And, of course he had to get that last dig in. The small frown reappeared on Bella's forehead. He didn't notice, but I surely did. Her eyes were still closed, but her head had made a tiny motion to free up her ear. She was listening.

I decided to answer this one honestly.

"Of course it is." My voice was cracking with emotion, the green-eyed hag barely suppressed. My hands clenched in my pockets as I struggled to remain calm. "Right now it's so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, it's even worse when she's away from me, with you, and I can't see her."

Let her hear my pain. I was following Alice's advice. This was perhaps not the best opportunity, but I finally agreed with my sister that Bella should know how her actions were hurting me. Not that I blamed her one bit for seeking and accepting the warmth he could provide when I had so badly packed for our excursion.

"_I knew it_!"

"Do you think about it all the time?" The mutt's whisper pulled my attention back to him. "Does it make it hard to concentrate when she's not with you?" He was projecting his own struggles onto me, not understanding how very different my mind worked. Apparently, his grades in school had been slipping.

"_I always think of her..._"

I decided to give another honest answer.

"Yes and no," I replied with a small smile. "My mind doesn't work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time."

"_Pshaw, as if you're so superior_..."

I cut off his thought. "Of course, that means that I'm always able to think of you, always able to wonder if that's where her mind is, when she's quiet and thoughtful."

"_Huh... does she think of me a lot_? _Does she think of what I can give her_? _Does she ever look like she's … well... missing me_? _Does she miss the fun we used to have_?"

Images of riding the motorcycles danced in his head, breakfasts at Sam Uley's home, hanging out with the pack, walks on the beach.

I easily remembered Bella's repetitive calls to his house after our return from Italy, culminating in our heated standoff when the dog returned her motorcycle in his grievous attempt to get her grounded. She'd been frantic, angry, hurt when he ignored her. For weeks, she'd called him, only to be thwarted by his father each and every time. I remembered the pain in her eyes when she'd hung up the phone after yet another fruitless call. He had hurt her with his avoidance tactics and I was still angry with him for doing that to her. Her only worry was his happiness, knowing that she couldn't give him what he wanted.

I clearly remembered the tears she had cried the night after our standoff, shaking in my arms, weeping for the friend she thought she had lost.

"_Well_?" he prompted me silently and raised one eyebrow.

"Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often – more often than I like," I murmured my reply, unsure why I admitted my dislike of the frequency, my anger at his games flaring high, hoping that Bella would hear the truth from him. My venom ran cold. This was my opportunity to show her what truly lay behind his youthful face. He'd used her emotions against her time and again. "Not that you don't know that. Not that you don't _use_ that."

"I have to use whatever I can," he muttered angrily.

"_Fuck... didn't want to admit that... pah, what does it matter... not like she will know... crap... what if he tells her... I'll deny it..._"

"I'm not working with your advantages – advantages like her knowing she's in love with you," he continued.

"_Not that you're better than me... definitely not that... I still don't get how she can be in love __with a hunk of stone... so cold... freezing... creepy..._"

"That helps," I said mildly, feeling better already. He was right. She _had_ declared her love for me so many times, and just the night before, had agreed to marry me. The elation I'd felt at that moment was still reverberating in every cell of my body. The pure joy her simple 'yes' had elicited had very nearly restarted my silent heart.

"She's in love with me, too, you know." His voice was defiant.

"_I know she is. I know she loves me_. _And I love her... I'll do anything... she loves me..._"

I didn't respond. Of course, with Bella's mind silent to me, I didn't actually _know_ if she loved him, though it was certainly possible, given her actions over the past few months, but I did know that she wasn't _in_ _love_ with him. I didn't believe that she saw him as a romantic prospect. Bella and I were mated. There was no way for either of us to be in love with another. It simply wasn't possible.

Or was it? Doubt crept in silently. What if my leaving had opened the door for her to fall in love with him? But that would mean that she was no longer in love with me. And if that was the case, then why agree to marry me? Why insist on being changed? That didn't make sense at all.

"_I tried telling her..._"

The dog sighed longingly and it made him sound rather vulnerable. I very nearly felt sorry for him. None of us had a choice who we fell in love with, and for him to fall for Bella would only cause him pain in the long run. It wouldn't make her his, though. Not as long as she chose me. Which she had. At least, so far.

Would she change her mind after this night?

"But she _doesn't_ know it," he added with a glance at her face, before looking at me as if I had the answer, willing me to agree.

"I can't tell you if you're right," I replied, doubt and insecurity choosing my answer for me.

"_Maybe there's still hope for me... you can't read her mind... does that..._"

"Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what she's thinking, too?"

I couldn't help but grin for a second. The fact that I couldn't hear her thoughts had been so aggravating to me for so long.

"Yes...," I admitted, knowing that Bella preferred it this way though that didn't make it any easier on my end. "And no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, I'd rather she was happy."

And that was, no matter what else we would discuss, the gist of the matter. Every action, every word, every _thing_ I did or said was always based on my need to make Bella happy. Her continued happiness was my every goal. And that, to me, was what it meant to love someone as deeply and as irrevocably as I loved my Bella. The juvenile pup simply didn't understand that. And until he imprinted on whomever was meant for him, he wouldn't comprehend it.

Another gust hit the tent, and the dog's arms tightened instinctively around Bella, though she was warm and protected enough not to shiver this time.

"_Good thing I'm here... that storm hasn't let up yet... how much longer, I wonder... poor Bella... at least she isn't freezing anymore... sleep, Bella... I'll keep you warm..._"

A bout of gratitude swept through me, and I expressed it out loud. "Thank you," I murmured quietly. "Odd as this may sound, I suppose I'm glad you're here, Jacob."

"_Sure you are... don't believe you for a second... if it was me in your shoes..._"

He grimaced at the thought. "You mean, 'as much as I'd love to kill you, I'm glad she's warm', right?"

"_Not sure how you can stay so calm... like you have no feelings... this has got to be driving you crazy...you've got to be jealous of this...is that why you're here? Is that how she convinced you to stay with her tonight and during the fight?_"

I ignored the provoking jab and answered only his spoken question. He was, after all, just a child, confused and immature and as such, couldn't possibly understand the strength and control it took not to rip his head off and kick it about. If he did, he wouldn't goad me like he had. "It's an uncomfortable truce, isn't it?" I said with an easy smile.

He zeroed in on the uncomfortable part. "_I knew it..."_

"I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am," he whispered, his expression smug to have caught me in an admission. Little did he know that it all depended on how the emotion was expressed. Open jealousy and distrust didn't advance one's esteem. I decided on a little jab of my own.

"I'm not such a fool," _as you are_, "to wear it on my sleeve like you do," I said mockingly. "It doesn't help your case, you know."

"_Easy for you to say, leech... how can you be so..._"

"You have more patience than I do."

A greater truth had not been spoken that night. I smiled at him. "I should. I've had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for _her_."  
And crushingly lonely they had been, but he didn't need to know that.

"_So creepy... he's so old... but he looks younger than I do now... that still doesn't explain...why would he... if he'd forced the issue...maybe that's why..._"

"So... at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?"

I didn't quite understand the question or it's purpose, so I didn't answer right away. He was perfectly aware that both of Bella's initial visits after our return from Italy had been clandestine, without my knowledge or approval. He knew that the third visit, the one where she attended the bonfire, was with my prior knowledge as I had dropped her off at the boundary line myself, and picked her up from there afterwards. I searched his mind for his intention in asking that question but found nothing.

Thinking back, I remembered the anguish on Bella's face during the standoff when the mutt had dropped off her bike. He hadn't made it easy for her, and when he'd run off, her face had crumpled in pain. That image, as well as others just like it, had made me reconsider my stance on her spending time with him, and I had adopted my difficult plan of tolerance and acceptance. I refocused my eyes on him before I spoke.

"When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. It's not usually this difficult to control," I explained, this being the most difficult night I'd ever suffered through, even more taxing than that first time I'd caught Bella's intoxicating scent in the biology lab. "I can smother the..." _urge to kill you, need to rip your throat out, desire to obliterate your juvenile ass,_ "less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can't be sure."

_And on rare occasions, I let her see intentionally how very much you aggravate me, dog_.

"_I'm not buyin' what you're sellin'..._"

He hadn't given up on his perceived reason for my change in attitude. "I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you."

I picked up on his use of the past tense, but part of me was _still_ worried that she would change her mind and leave me for him, especially considering that he did have more to offer her than I did – those human experiences I wanted for her, the very ones she had dismissed as not being important. I thought about his words – I _had_ used similar ones when Bella and I had discussed my newfound tolerance. I wasn't willing to let his juvenile antics drive a wedge between us.

"That was part of it," I conceded softly, and immediately clarified my statement. "But only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt."

I stared past him for a moment, unwilling to meet his eyes. His mind was silent except for my words echoing in his thoughts. He did like the part where I admitted to not being entirely sure of her.

I hadn't really doubted Bella's love for me, but my ingrained hatred of the monster inside me often made me wonder if she wasn't better off without me.

I knew of vampires who had lost their true mate – Marcus of the Volturi was one of them. When he lost his wife, he'd withdrawn into himself, and the only reason he was still with the brothers was because Chelsea was binding him to them. I blinked. Would I end up that way if I lost her?

I redirected my gaze back to the dog. "Mostly I was worried that she'd hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I'd accepted that she was more or less safe with you – as safe as Bella ever is – it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes."

Despite the motorcycles and the volatile temper of his pack mates and the insipid cliff diving episode that nearly got us both killed. Though I couldn't deny that our adventures in Italy were partly my fault. Mostly my fault, actually, because it could all be traced back to my arrogant insistence to leave her the previous September.

"_He does have doubts... that means I still have a chance... she could still choose me... if I play my cards right..._"

The mutt sighed, pulling me out of my memories. "I'd tell her all of this, but she'd never believe me."

I smiled. He had no clue that she was hearing all of our conversation, as she had yet to fall asleep. And so far, nothing he or I had disclosed was helpful to him – quite the opposite, in my estimation. Bella didn't like to be manipulated, and he had all but confessed to doing so.

"I know," I said simply, the smile still on my lips.

"_I wanna wipe that cocky grin off his face... always so superior... like he knows..._"

"You think you know everything," he sputtered angrily, dejectedly.

I thought about that for a short moment. I was certainly aware that I didn't know _everything_ but my knowledge was quite vast, and light years ahead of what he could ever hope to accomplish. But I wasn't like Alice, and that knowledge meant more than anything. I'd clung to her visions in the last few weeks, especially the one that showed Bella as one of us. And still – that could yet change. All it would take was for Bella to change course, to make a different decision than the one she'd so far advocated for herself. There was that possibility still, and until her heart stopped beating, she could still choose him. Which raised another question – did I truly want to expose myself to him as more unsure than he already suspected and give him the extra boost of hope he was looking for?

"I don't know the future," I said hesitantly.

We both fell silent after that. He was sorting through my words and the tone of my voice, going over what we had already discussed again and again, trying to find a hole in my admissions, trying to convince himself that I didn't have the capacity to love her as much as he now suspected.

"_All our stories... unfeeling... cold... uncaring... not true... not with him... or them... is it because... nah, can't be... he's just pretending... but he sounds so honest... why would he share that... what does he hope to gain... has he told her any of this... does she know... don't trust him... but he does love her... and she loves him... no hope... or is there... if I fight harder... differently... try to convince her..._"

"What would you do if she changed her mind?" he addressed me again.

"I don't know that either."

Which was God's honest truth. I had no idea what I would do if I lost her love, but I did know one thing for certain – Edward as I knew him would cease to exist. I would become a hollow shell of myself, a thing that would resemble him to some extent, but there would be nothing on the inside of that shell. I would be existing, but not living.

Her love alone kept me alive. I knew that much after suffering through six months without her. Not a day went by that I didn't remember the feelings of utter despair and misery during our long separation. The moment I'd held her in my arms again in Volterra was burned into my mind. The gaping hole that had threatened to swallow me whole had slammed shut as soon as the heat from her skin had seeped into mine, and I had buried my face into her neck, inhaling her unique scent as deeply as I was able to. I hadn't felt so _complete_ in over one-hundred years.

Without her, I would be lost in time, lost for eternity. There would be nothing, only darkness and despair.

I took a deep breath to pull myself from sliding down that slope again – the memories were hard enough and I usually kept them tightly locked in a far corner of my mind.

The dog's chuckle startled me. "Would you try to kill me?" he asked, his tone sarcastic, challenging.

"No." There was no need to say more, but he wouldn't let it go and continued to taunt me.

"Why not?"

"_Afraid you couldn't take me_? _Afraid you'd lose_?"

He still didn't comprehend anything. The worst thing I could do to Bella was to hurt her, and killing him for whatever transgression would hurt her deeply. The reverse was true, also. If he were to attack me and hurt or kill me, he would lose her regard forever. But how could he understand that? He was just a child.

"Do you really think I would hurt her that way?" I stared at him directly as I spat my question, incredulous, furious that he would think me so despicable. Hadn't he listened at all?

At my words, his mind conjured up images of Bella, her face drawn, hurt, in pain. I gasped softly from my own pain as he flicked through various scenes in his head. One stood out to me. Bella looked forlorn, distraught, hugging her chest, but the conversation taking place was new to me. He was thinking of the time when he'd told her he couldn't be her friend anymore, shortly after his first change. He winced and his eyes flew to mine. He hadn't meant for me to see that.

"_Fuck...get out of my head...damn you...shit...shit...okay, fine...I've hurt her, too...but I made it up to her...I figured out a way...so there...damn...stupid...stupid..._"

Another image came unbidden. When I had picked her up from her first approved excursion into his domain, he had clearly seen the impatience and relief with which Bella and I had reunited. He was watching Bella and I talking to each other, gazing into each other's eyes, both of us wearing a smile. The thought that ran through his mind was one of hopelessness. He'd seen the love that flowed between us, and he knew that his chances of her turning to him were slim to none, unless I were to royally mess up. Which wasn't going to happen ever again.

I looked down into my lap, unable to suppress my smile. I wasn't smiling because I enjoyed his pain; I was smiling because I remembered that moment, too. The connection between Bella and I ran deep, and I was glad that he had seen it.

His sigh was nearly swallowed by the winds screaming outside. "Yeah, you're right. I know that's right. But sometimes..."

"_...it's something to consider..._" For a moment, he entertained the notion of destroying me and I couldn't help but chuckle quietly and agree.

"Sometimes it's an intriguing idea," I echoed him while imagining my own fantasy of tearing him to shreds wearing a gleaming smile. If it weren't for Bella, it was a fantasy I wouldn't mind coming true. Not at all.

He averted his face into the sleeping bag to muffle the sounds of his laughter before he spoke. "Exactly."

His mood turned somber quickly, hopelessness flooding him again, and he wondered silently how much more rejection from Bella he could take. He remembered begging her to stay and not run after me. This then led him to think of watching Bella leave with Alice on their way to rescue me from my own foolish and precipitous actions, and his thoughts turned somewhat morose, wondering what would compel me to attempt suicide. He also remembered the part he played in the whole screwed up situation. The tenor of his thoughts changed.

"_How am I gonna let her go? If she becomes one of them...she'll be my enemy...maybe...he's been through...Bloo-...Edward...would you...if I asked...how did you..._"

"What was it like? Losing her?" His voice was hoarse as he spoke around the proverbial lump in his throat. "When you thought that you'd lost her forever? How did you...cope?"

I picked up on the reason for his question though that didn't make a truthful answer any less difficult and painful. I stalled.

"That's very difficult for me to talk about." My voice was hard as the emotions flooded me and the fire began to burn in my stomach. I carefully composed my face, not wanting him to see me at my most vulnerable.

"_I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...if you don't want to tell me...I'll understand...but I really want to know...how you managed...how you lived through the days...without her...because...well...just in case I do lose her...if she...please...if you can...please tell me_."

There was a new sincerity in his mental voice that hadn't really been there before, and he sounded honest and truly interested. There also seemed to be no hidden agenda behind his question this time. I took a deep breath and bared the last hidden pieces of my silent heart to him. Perhaps this final honesty would help him understand the depth of my love for her, and that nothing except Bella herself could tear me from her side.

"There were two times that I thought that." I spoke haltingly because the pain rippled through me and I was extending a considerable amount of control just to keep my face composed. My eyes closed of their own volition as the anguished memories played in my mind.

"The first time, when I thought I could leave her...that was..." _excruciatingly foolish, despicably arrogant, more painful than anything I'd experienced until that moment_, "almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn't touched her life. For over six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldn't interfere again. It was getting close – I was..." _secluding myself in an attic in some rickety tenement building in Brazil, wallowing in pure misery_, "fighting but I knew I wasn't going to win; I would have come back...just to check on her. That's what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I'd found her reasonably happy...I like to think that I could have gone away again."

_Fat chance, Edward. Be honest with yourself, at least._

"But she wasn't happy. And I would have stayed. That's how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me...what she was feeling so needless guilty about."

_Are you hearing this, Bella? Are you listening still? I love you – always_.

I glanced at her quickly, monitoring her breathing and the rhythmic beat of her heart. She was still not asleep. Returning my eyes to the dog, I continued.

"She reminded me of what it did to her when I left – what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but she's right. I'll never be able to make up for that, but I'll never stop trying."

I was beginning to feel emotionally drained. The baring of my heart, my...soul, if I had one, was taxing and exhausting. During my speech, the dog's thoughts had flickered through image after image of Bella during our time of separation. Bella, desolation on her face, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, the despair and pain oozing from every cell. Her cheekbones were prominent in her face, her cheeks hollow, dark circles under her eyes. She was thinner than before I had left. Her hair was dull, lifeless. Her whole demeanor was lifeless, a forced smile occasionally painted on her face. He remembered how she refused to listen to music, remembered the gaping hole in the console of her truck where the radio used to be. I grimaced under the onslaught but quickly composed myself but not before he noticed.

"_Sorry...I can't help it...she looked so broken..._"

The images disappeared and I was grateful. At least this time, he took no pleasure from my pain. He digested what I had told him so far, and wondered what other instance I was referring to. His mind pulled up the image of utter horror on Bella's face when Alice gave her the news of my irrational flight to Volterra.

"And the other time – when you thought she was dead?" His whisper was rough as he began to feel pained.

"_Is that...when...if she becomes like you...she'll be dead...like you...dead to me...she won't be Bella anymore...gone...is that why you tried to...kill yourself_?_ Because you thought she was gone forever_?"

"Yes," I answered his unspoken question. "It will probably feel like that to you, won't it. The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as _Bella_ anymore. But that's who she'll be." I uttered the words with conviction, knowing them to be completely true. Our likes and dislikes didn't change upon our transformation, they were only intensified. Bella's feelings for the mutt would likely still remain on that plane of existence as well.

He spluttered indignantly. "That's not what I asked."

"_I asked you what it felt like...what you felt like...if you turn her into a leech...no...I won't let that happen...can't let it happen...can't let her die..._"

I was on the brink of being overwhelmed by my memories and the images that his juvenile mind had burned into my brain. With clenched hands and teeth, I cut off the conversation, my voice harsh. "I can't tell you how it felt. There aren't words."

I exhaled sharply, looked away and forced my body to relax. He looked at me in confusion. In his immaturity and deep-seated hatred of my kind, the pained anguish in my words and voice didn't make sense to him. He was now questioning why I had left at all. He was unable to reconcile his creeping comprehension of the strength and depth of my love for Bella with the fact that I had voluntarily taken myself out of her world, and suffered immensely for it.

A few moments later, slowly, understanding dawned on him.

"_Oh...oh...so even if she wants to become...you..._"

"But you left because you didn't want to make her a bloodsucker. You _want_ her to be human."

I was quiet for a moment as I thought about his impassioned statements. At the time I abandoned – yes, that really was the only word fitting for what I had done – Bella, I had been tormented by the idea, and her desire, to change her, to take away her soul. After our time apart, I had slowly come to see things her way. Carlisle had made her a promise after the vote in my house, a promise that was not only based on Bella's wish to become one of us, but also on his fear that by me having chosen not to live without her, he would lose me upon her death. It was a possible consequence he was not willing to allow.

My irrational flight to Italy, exposing myself and my family to the Volturi, and almost getting Bella, Alice and myself killed, had been his trigger to agree to Bella's request. And once I'd understood that the choice was no longer mine to make, my possessiveness did not allow for anyone else's venom to poison her system – no, once I'd begun to come to grips with the idea of Bella as a vampire, I wanted, _needed_, it to be my own venom that would initiate her transformation. I had to be the one to claim her, because she belonged to me alone, as I belonged to only her.

Only occasionally did doubt cloud my convictions, and each time I struggled to squash my fears. Bella and I were a mated pair. I mustn't doubt her love for me.

Over the course of the last two months, I had made up my mind. And if I was honest with myself, waiting for the day that I would, with her express permission, bite her to deliver my most poisonous kiss was slowly but surely becoming unbearable. I longed to be with her in every way possible, and I knew that was only fathomable if she were one of us. Though I had been persuaded to attempt otherwise.

If she married me first.

I was unwilling to share _this_ information with the mutt. As long as he believed it to be Bella's wish only, combined with my own reluctance, he might be more inclined to grant us the exception we needed in order to not break the treaty. He was the true Alpha after all, and I just might be able to use his love for Bella to our advantage.

I attempted to lull him into a false sense of security as I explained my motives to him. I had thought about my options so often that there was no hesitation in my voice as I explained myself to him, though I spoke slowly to give him time to understand it all. Perhaps, if he were truly listening, he'd also comprehend more about my kind, and it just might begin to change his set opinion of us. The seed had been sown already, but he was fighting its growth.

"Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella," and the absolutely worst for me, "would be if she didn't feel as strongly for me – if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I feel. You think of me as a..." _abomination_,_ evil incarnate_, _bloodsucking monster_, _unfeeling piece of slab_ "living stone – hard and cold. That's true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There is no going back..."

I had known that from the start, from the moment the tidal wave of emotion pulled me under, there in her bedroom, watching her sleep and listening to her mumble my name in her dreams. I would always be in love with her, and only her, for the rest of my existence. As with all vampire mated pairs, it was irrevocable and involuntary. It had just taken me a little longer to see it.

And my lack of clarity on the subject had caused Bella and me immeasurable and completely unnecessary pain.

The dog was thinking of Sam Uley, and the curious imprinting compulsion the alpha wolf and some of the others had experienced. That was also a change that was permanent. He compared it to what I had just told him, and found that it was indeed very similar. For a moment, his thoughts faltered, as he struggled to come to terms with the undeniable fact that vampires like me and my family were perfectly capable of having deep and abiding feelings, unlike the cold-hearted, evil monsters of his ancestors' lore. Wanting to leave him stewing over that, I moved on slowly.

"The second alternative, the one I'd originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn't a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn't be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face."

I didn't mention that my position on option two had thoroughly changed, and that I couldn't fathom at this point why I had ever considered it to be a good option for us.

"Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years – it would seem like a very, very short time to me..."

Too short to even contemplate now. I knew now that even an eternity was not long enough to quench my need for her, sate my desire to love her and be with her.

"But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us...waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn't get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human."

The sheer terror of that thought would continue to burn me until Bella was changed and that particular danger had been conquered. Until then, I would be vigilant and perhaps overbearing in my quest to protect her from all harm. There was no other choice.

The mutt stared at me open-mouthed, remembering a story that Bella had told him, about the incident in Phoenix over a year ago. I nodded once. That incident had spawned the idea of leaving her in the first place, when she lay broken in the hospital in Phoenix. I hadn't been strong enough to leave her then. Six months later, Jasper had been the final catalyst to turn that idea into action.

I felt my frozen heart constrict in my chest and had to force out the next words, keeping them short and to the point, unable to lay bare my innermost feelings of that horrific six months to my enemy. I had made myself vulnerable enough tonight. He certainly didn't need any further ammunition.

"So I chose option three," I continued with my explanation, my voice clipped and strained. "Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn't work, and it very nearly killed us both."

In more than one way. Death had been a very possible outcome while we were in front of the Volturi. Only Aro's curiosity, and Alice's promise to change Bella, had saved us from our demise at the hands of our self-appointed rulers. However, worse than death had been the pain Bella and I had experienced during our time apart. Excruciating, never-ending, fiercely burning agony. Sucking the life right out of her, crippling me in ways I never expected to feel.

She still hadn't fully gained back the nearly fifteen pounds she had lost off her small frame during that barren time. Though I had only caught glimpses of her in a state of undress, I had felt her ribs and hips stick out, the skin taut across them. Her face had lost its childlike roundness, her cheeks were still a little hollow.

She was no less beautiful in my eyes. Nothing compared to the glorious creature that was Bella.

I looked over at the mutt with doleful eyes. "What do I have left but the fourth option? It's what she wants – at least, she thinks she does."

It had become clearer to me over the last few weeks why Bella was so adamant in pursuing this option. My own desperate fear that I would lose her was overpowered only by the realization that I could not live without her, and it seemed that she felt the exact same way.

I still couldn't quite fully condone it, as my desire to change her was based on a purely selfish need to keep her with me forever, and she would be giving up so much to join my family and me in this life, but I had given in to the fact that it was, in the end, Bella's choice.

No matter what I thought of it. It had been her choice from the beginning.

Always her choice.

It had to be.

"_Wish I could change her mind. Wish she didn't have that option. Wish...oh fuck it, it's most likely gonna happen, no matter how I feel about it...she's stubborn...always so stubborn. Nothing I've said so far has made any difference to her...what am I gonna do?_"

Images of a fiercely determined Bella danced in his head, in various situations. One in particular stood out – her first time riding the motorcycle he'd rebuild for her. I suppressed a shudder at the reminder of the danger she'd been exposed to while I had been running from my destiny.

"I've been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind," I gently explained to Jacob Black, plucking his despair right out of his head. "But she's very... stubborn." I hesitated around the word, not wanting to offend Bella, but there truly was no other word for her obstinacy.

"You know _that_," I added and he smirked, nodding.

"_Yeah. I know..._"

"I'll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September..."

"_So little time left. So soon. Huh...I thought she was gonna do it after graduation...fuck...after listening to all that drivel...he does love her...can't argue with that...and she loves him...what chance do I have now? There goes my plan...damn, I wish he'd stayed away...I just needed a little more time...if she hadn't jumped off that cliff...fuck...what am I gonna do_?"

"I like option one," he grumbled. He didn't expect an answer, so I stayed silent to give him time to come to terms with what I had just thrown at him.

I was sure he did prefer that first option, as had I for a while, when I still stupidly believed that Bella didn't love me like I loved her, knowing if that ever came to pass, I would retreat into the shadows, but I would never leave her.

Now I very much doubted though, just as he clearly did, that Bella's feelings for me would change. We had been through too much, had suffered too deeply and faced too many obstacles together fighting for _us _for this love to fizzle out. Bella and I were tied to each other with a bond so strong, it would survive until the end of time. There was nothing between heaven and earth that would be able to tear us apart.

I knew that now, with a conviction that ran deep and had settled into every cell of my frozen body. Nothing, not even death, would end this deep and abiding love.

"You know _exactly _how much I hate to accept this," the dog's fierce whisper interrupted my musings. "But I can see that you do love her...in your way. I can't argue with that anymore."

I locked eyes with him. My way? I felt like laughing, when I saw in his head that he'd used that phrasing to set his feelings for Bella apart from mine. He had no idea what _my way_ actually meant. He did not realize, despite my telling him otherwise, that I was eternally bound to her, that my feelings for her would never change, that she had so profoundly changed _me_, that I would never be the same.

"Given that," he continued, eying me meaningfully, "I don't think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there's a very good chance that she would be okay."

My eyes widened minutely.

"After time," he amended when he saw the incredulous look I was unable to prevent from escaping my eyes, realizing the gaffe he had just committed as soon as the memories of Bella's haggard and drawn appearance entered his mind.

He scrambled to come up with a solution that would fit his convoluted and utterly appalling reasoning, shifting the blame to Bella. "You know, if she hadn't jumped off a cliff in March...and if you'd waited another six months to check on her...Well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan."

He sounded to hopeful and so hopeless at the same time that I suddenly felt bad for him. His immaturity, his youth prevented him from seeing the truth, and he was incapable of letting go of his fantasies, his dreams for a future that included Bella in the capacity he desired. He didn't understand her – he likely never would. And because of that, he didn't realize that he hadn't a chance in hell of ever winning her affection to the extent that she would leave him for me.

What ifs didn't win the game. And this game had been over long before he started it. He just hadn't realized that yet.

Or was I deluding myself?

No.

Was I?

_Reasonably happy_ was a delusion on his part. She had made it quite clear to me, as well as attempted to do so with him, that she could only _be_ happy with me.

Breathing easier, I chuckled to myself and decided to give him an answer that would perhaps make him feel a little better about himself. At this point, I felt like I could afford to be magnanimous.

"Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan."

"_You think so? Maybe...no...it's too late..._"

"Yeah," he sighed with a note of despair in the tenor of his mind.

And then he rallied again, as an image of Bella as a vampire appeared in his head. "But give me a year, bl – Edward. I really think I could make her happy. She's stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she's capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renee, and she could grow up, and have kids and...be Bella."

He was whispering frantically in his desperation, and drawing all the wrong conclusions, trying to match the images of Bella during our time of separation and morphing them to fit his delusion.

"You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She think you're very unselfish...are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?"

He wasn't telling me anything I hadn't already thought about, but his words played into one of my fears and fueled that part of me that was reluctant to change her. I shook it off.

I decided to give him a few concessions, carefully worded, so it would seem that I agreed with him.

"I _have_ considered it," I allowed, still inexplicably compelled by the gratitude I felt for the service he was providing this night.

I didn't mention that I had _only_ considered it in my moments of self-loathing and irrepressible fear that Bella would come to hate me after her change.

"In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you're strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You _have_ done that already, and I'll owe for that for as long as I live – forever – whichever comes first..."

I heard it in his mind – my attempt to lull him into a sense of comradeship was beginning to work. Small tendrils of understanding were forging new connections in his immature brain. He heard my honest reluctance to change her in my words, as I was leaving out the bits of the truth that burned inside me – that I was impatient for her to be mine in every sense of the word.

So he believed me. He was beginning to connect the dots, remembering what Bella had told him during her visits, the way she had looked at me, the way my family and I treated her, as if she was already one of us. The way she looked like she belonged with us.

With me.

Involuntarily, his arms tightened around Bella, and I had to suppress a growl as the jealousy flared up unexpectedly.

"_I may as well give up...as long as he is here, I'll never have a chance with her...but I can't...I can't just let her go...let her die...she could be happy with me...eventually...don't you see that, le – Edward_?"

I drove the point home. "I even asked Alice if she could see that – see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn't, of course. She can't see you, and then Bella's sure of her course, for now."

My next words were my vow, not to him, but to Bella, who I was sure was still listening. Her breathing was not nearly deep and steady enough for her to be asleep, and her heartbeat did not indicate that she was completely at rest.

"But I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I wont' try to force into that first option. As long as she wants me, I'm here."

He didn't like what I said and threw a challenge at me. "And if she were to decide that she wanted me?"

"_Yeah, not likely..._"

"Okay, it's a long shot, I'll give you that," he added with a smirk.

"I would let her go."

His jaw dropped in disbelief. "Just like that?"

I would die in pieces, if this unlikely scenario came to pass, but he didn't need to know that. I chose instead to remind him of the imprinting compulsion, and that he had indeed _not_ imprinted on Bella, no matter how much he would have liked to.

"In the sense that I'd never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, _you_ might leave _her_ someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn't have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen."

"_I doubt it'll ever happen for me. Don't hold your breath...oops...you don't have to breathe, do you_?"

He snorted at his juvenile attempt at humor. "_Sorry_."

"Well, you've been much more honest than I had any right to expect...Edward," he murmured. "Thanks for letting me in your head."

I let him believe he had been told the complete truth, and was glad that in his youth, he didn't know how to read between the lines, so to speak.

"As I said, I'm feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight."

_And only tonight_.

"It was the least I could do," I continued my charade. "You know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."

I gave him a small smile and winked.

He grinned. "Maybe...if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love...well, no, not even then."

I chuckled in response. He was so ruled by his emotions that he was unable to see past his nose. His animosity of me didn't help his case one bit.

A memory rose, something Bella had mumbled in her sleep after the bonfire, something I had dismissed as unimportant at the time, though her explanation that morning had felt insufficient. Perhaps the dog might be so inclined as to educate me on their legends a little bit more.

"Can I ask you a question?" I blurted and he looked at me in surprise.

"Why would you have to ask?"

"_Ya know, mindreader and all that jazz..._"

I smiled. "I can only hear if you think of it. It's just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife..."

He scrunched up his eyebrows as his mind spun off into the story a wizened old Quileute had told around the fire that night. "What about it?"

I watched the images, heard the words the old man had spoken. An ancient story about a Cold One, a female coming to their tribal lands, speaking in a foreign tongue they couldn't understand. She had attacked the people gathering around her, killing them, drinking their blood. The ancient chief had transformed when the only other wolf had been killed by the vampire, attacking her in a rage.

His wife, the third wife, had watched the fight in fear, grabbed a knife from one of the boys that stood next to her. She ran towards the vampire, knife raised high, falling to her knees at the female's feet, plunging the knife into her own heart, and thus distracting the vampire long enough for the wolf to dismember and kill the vampire.

I recoiled in horror, my face distorting in a grimace of fear, my hiss reverberating in the cramped space of the tent.

"What?" Jacob whispered, surprise in his voice. "_What's wrong_?"

I was seething, barely containing my rage, understanding now exactly why Bella had dreamed of this, what she was planning to do, why she had insisted on being in the clearing. The flames spread from my stomach and I clenched my hands into fists, gritted my teeth. Fear rose in my silent heart.

"Of course," I spat out, "of course! I rather wish your elders had kept _that _story to themselves."

"You don't like the leeches being painted as the bad guys?" he mocked my outrage, smirking at me. "You know, they _are_. Then _and _now."

Exasperated at his stupidity, I snapped at him. "I really couldn't care less about that part. Can't you guess which character Bella would identify with?"

It took him longer than I expected to figure it out. "_What does he mean? Which character she would...oh..._o_h, shit...fuckety fuck...didn't think of that._"

"Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point."

"She wants to be there in the clearing," I explained. "To do what little she can, as she puts it."

I sighed. Bella had been so obstinate, and Alice's call to me had made it very clear that I could not let her out of my sight during the fight. Though, at the time, I had already agreed to stay with her.

"That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She's quite inventive when she wants something."

I had plenty of evidence for my statement, the previous night being the most prominent proof in my mind, and I was glad that at the time she made me promise to stay with her for the fight, she had not yet discovered the power of the word 'please', as it had been my undoing in her quest to gain from me the concession to make love to her while she was still human.

I could hardly wait.

I was shivering in fear.

And excitement.

I shook my head to clear my mind.

Jacob's mind was racing to find a reason why the blame should not be put with his elder's story. "You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did."

"Neither side meant any harm," I placated him, and he harrumphed under his breath.

"And when does _this_ little truce end?" the dog asked. "First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?"

"_Seeing how we're crammed in here and all...and how you smell...all sickly sweet...ugh...I don't know that I can stand it much longer..._"

Considering that his arms were around my fiancée, dawn sounded good to me.

"First light," we said simultaneously, and then we both laughed quietly.

"_Works for me, bloodsucker_."

And I was done with the conversation. "Sleep well, Jacob," I muttered. "Enjoy the moment."

_Because this is the last time you'll hold her in your arms_.

I focused my attention on the storm outside. The winds were no longer howling with the same force, the tent was actually no longer rattling around us.

I breathed a sigh of relief. The temperature was rising, as well. Perhaps Bella would sleep now. I glanced at her face, her long lashes fanning out over her cheeks.

The sheer beauty of her took my breath away.

And then the images started up again. The dog was fantasizing of a life that included Bella as his girlfriend, then his wife, then the mother of his children. With that came the visuals of lying in Bella's arms, rutting above her like some animal, and I couldn't help but let the groan escape.

"I didn't mean that quite so literally."

"_Damn it, get out of my head_."

"Sorry," the mutt whispered his response, but the images didn't disappear. "You could leave, you know – give us some privacy."

He simply didn't know when to stop. I considered for a moment how long it would take me to grab his sorry ass and drag him out of the tent. A few seconds, perhaps.

A few more to dispatch him to kingdom come and spare myself further aggravation from his juvenile mind.

Or I could put him to sleep. A well-placed knock on his abnormally large head should do the trick.

"Would you like me to _help _you sleep, Jacob?"

"_Whatever, leech..._"

"You could try," he challenged. "It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn't it?"

I was sorely tempted, but I remembered Bella's affection for him just in time. Hurting him would be unacceptable to her, but I could only be provoked so much, and I was reaching my boiling point.

Heat or not, he would die if he didn't shut up.

"Don't tempt me too far, wolf," I spat out his final warning. "My patience," _though considerable_, "isn't _that_ perfect."

He had the audacity to laugh. "I'd rather not move just now, if you don't mind."

_Fucking mutt_.

But Bella needed him, and that alone kept me in my corner. To distract myself, and to get her to finally go to sleep, I began to hum her lullaby.

All I could do now was wait for dawn.

And it couldn't come soon enough.

ooo~~~OOO~~~ooo

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